Control
by VegaTenshi
Summary: Jasper and Sage are best friends. Jasper wants more and must control his emotions, Sage just wants to control her own life, and her big brother Emmett wants to control everything. When others interfere, will they lose more than control?  AH, OC, OOC.
1. Prologue

_**A/N: I don't own anything except Sage and the plot. Everything else belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**Warning: This story is rated M for mature language, content, and future lemons. 18 years or older only. Thank you.**_

_**Much thanks to RemyKilday for pre-reading and providing so much love and encouragement.**_

_**I worship at the altar of HammerHips' ass. She blows my mind and rocks my socks.**_

Prologue

_**Sage POV**_

"Just stay the hell away from my sister!"

"I can't! I love her!"

_Oh holy fucking hell._

Great mystery of life right here: How the hell did I get to this point?

Correction: How the hell did _we_ get to this point?

There is no _I_ in _Team_.

The point I'm talking about is me, wedged between my older brother and my boyfriend, a hand on each chest, as though that's actually going to stop them from attacking each other. In point of fact, it would probably stop my boyfriend, but I doubt it would stop my brother.

But I'm still forced to wonder how the hell we got here, on this spot, on this day, with the two most important men in my life at each other's throats.

This wasn't how I'd imagined the big reveal, that's for damn sure.

Moreover, my brother's anger was more explosive than I could've imagined.

Make no mistake here, I knew he'd be pissed, which is why I'd put off the "By the way, we're dating and enjoy having sex" conversation for the past six months. And before you say it, yeah, I'm aware that's a long fucking time to hide a relationship. Moving on.

I guess… maybe I should start at the beginning… or maybe close to the beginning. And I guess maybe that _I_ should be a _we_ again, because as I'm constantly being reminded, _we_ are in this together and I'm sure he wants to throw in his take on things. Lord knows, it'll at least take some of the pressure off me if I'm not the one telling everything.


	2. I'll Be There For You

_**A/N: I don't own anything except Sage and the plot. The rest belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I appreciate reviews, so please be generous and leave some love. Be aware that this is a Jasper/OC story, but it will take time (I have a whole plot building here), so don't expect them to jump in right away. You'll need to bear with me and hopefully, you'll enjoy the ride.**_

_**Remember this story is rated M for a reason. 18+ only, please.**_

_**FYI, I am using Jackson Rathbone as my model for Jasper, like it or hate it, he oozes sex appeal to me, so there you go.**_

_**Heap big thanks go out to RemyKilday for not only pre-reading but giving me the confidence to post it… and for giving the best damn ego-stroke a gal could ask for.**_

_**I worship at the altar of HammerHips' ass… and yes, she really is the only one who understands that.**_

Chapter 1: I'll Be There For You

_No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me_

_Since you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me_

_Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with_

_Someone I'll always laugh with_

_Even at my worst, I'm best with you, yeah._

-"I'll Be There for You" by The Rembrandts

_**Sage POV**_

For all intents and purposes, my father was dead. That's what Emmett always said and I guess I never really felt the need to challenge him on it, no matter how untrue it was. Our mom died of Ovarian Cancer by the time I was six. Dad "died" when I was ten.

My brother Emmett and I are like night and day, almost literally. He's boisterous and a big teddy bear when he wants to be. He has our dad's dark curly hair, but he keeps it cropped short. He has dad's aqua blue eyes. He has dad's broad shoulders, muscular arms, sharp features, and dimples. Point of fact, if it weren't for Emmett, I probably wouldn't remember what my dad looked like.

I, on the other hand, have blond hair and green eyes, like our mom. I'm short, slight, and quiet… most of the time. In truth, most days it's just not worth gnawing through the straps. I mean that figuratively, of course. Emmett's always had it in his mind that he knows what's best for me, and I know he always has the best intentions, but there are days where I could really just _scream_! But I don't.

Not because it's too much work, but because it doesn't actually get me anywhere, since Emmett's so bullheaded. Once his mind's made up, so sorry, pal, not happening. Really and truly, some days it's just not worth it to expend the effort arguing with the obnoxious prig.

We moved in with my Uncle Charlie and cousin Bella after dad "died". By moving, I mean we moved from the San Francisco Bay area to the rainiest place in the country: Forks, Washington.

It wasn't so bad, actually. Uncle Charlie was fairly laid back and I got along with my cousin Bella reasonably well. She was only a year older, so we had a few things in common and we enjoyed going down to the La Push Reservation to hang out with some of the kids down there. Summers were difficult though, since she spent them in Arizona with her mother. Uncle Charlie made it a point to take me down to the Reservation, hoping I'd make friends with kids like Jake Black, Seth Clearwater, and Embry Call. It did take—we liked each other well enough—but we didn't see each other during the week, so it was difficult to get too close.

A couple years later, Uncle Charlie got a phone call from one of my mom's old high school friends, Amelia Aro (née Davis, formerly Whitlock, formerly Hale). She wanted us all to come for a visit. She wanted to meet Emmett and I, since she hadn't seen us since I was a baby, and then only briefly.

So that's what we did. We flew down to Galveston and met with her and her kids. Her husband, she lamented, was away on business.

That was the first time we ever set eyes on Jasper and Rosalie. Half-siblings and roughly two years apart, Rosalie's dad had died when Amelia was only a few weeks into the pregnancy. She'd ended up remarrying one of her best friends who stuck by her, John Whitlock, and they eventually had Jasper together. John died in a car accident when Jasper was only four, which brought Amelia to her current husband: David Aro.

Even as a child, Rosalie was gorgeous: long blond hair, bright blue eyes, legs for days, skinny, but with curves in all the right places. Well OK, the curves didn't come until later, but still… She was nice, but distant with me. We didn't have much in common, and we still don't. She's the same age as Emmett and they always got along famously.

Jasper is three years older than I am. He has the same honey blond hair as Rosalie, but he has his mom's green eyes. He's always been tall, muscular but lean, with dimples and an often mischievous glint in his eyes. I've always felt comfortable with Jasper, more than I ever did with Emmett; Jasper's quiet confidence always set me at ease, and he always seemed to know exactly how I was feeling.

That trip changed all our lives; Emmett and Rosalie were off to the movies, the mall, the fair, wherever they wanted, Jasper and I were never invited, so we spent our days plucking out songs on our guitars and singing together, laughing at ourselves, and at each other. We took walks down to the park and sat and read in silence. It was comfortable, even for a twelve year old who should have nothing in common with a fifteen year old—he hadn't wanted me to feel left out.

Even though we only spent a week with them, it wasn't long before I discovered that Emmett and Rosalie were trading e-mails and phone calls. Ironically, Jasper and I were trading letters, opting for a more traditional medium that could be re-read anywhere.

I don't know much about Emmett and Rosalie's relationship or when it started, but I knew that Emmett dated no one all through his senior year, and when the time came, he flew down to Galveston to go to Rosalie's prom with her. Neither was interested in college, but Emmett had been determined to move back to the Bay Area, so they both took jobs as mechanics and rented an apartment in San Francisco.

That was probably the most liberating experience of my life. Not that I didn't love Emmett and it certainly wasn't because I didn't miss him, but it was positively _freeing_. Most big brothers will protect their baby sister from the bullies on the playground, but I wasn't allowed on the playground. Emmett wanted to shield me from everything, and I just wanted space.

I wanted to be able to go out on a date without fear of Emmett scaring some poor, unsuspecting boy off. _Right_. Because they were really going to ask out Sage McCarty, beloved baby sister of football legend Emmett McCarty. Not likely, not when Emmett came home at least once a month and made sure he was seen.

I wanted to be able to sit and think and do things my way. Uncle Charlie seemed to understand that need from me, because he never pushed, never hovered. Dutiful Police Chief that he was, he just let me _be_.

Jasper and I continued to write to each other, trading pictures and stories. We wrote about our music, since we both played the guitar, and I eventually took up the piano as well; we wrote about school and life, and how Emmett had decided he wanted me to go to UC Berkeley and become a lawyer. Jasper thought that was _hilarious_. I wasn't interested in the law or anything close to it.

'_I can just imagine you, of all people, in a courtroom. You'd make a squeak and run_.' He'd written; he wasn't far from the truth. I never liked being the center of attention.

That was one reason I joined the yearbook staff when I got to high school: It was harder to get caught _on_ camera if you were _behind_ the camera.

Amelia died when Jasper was seventeen, and we wrote about that too. Charlie hadn't had the money for us all to go to the funeral, but we'd sent a very nice flower arrangement. Emmett said that Rosalie was taking their mom's death fairly well; I wanted to call _bullshit_ on that one, but I thought it best to keep my mouth shut. I had a fairly sneaking suspicion that Rosalie was anything but _OK_ with the untimely demise of her mother. No one bothered to actually tell me what had happened and I hadn't the guts to ask.

From what I could glean from Jasper's letters, he wasn't dealing well at all. He kept telling me not to worry, that he was fine, but the tone and overall feel of his letters changed drastically: before he would send me chords to try and lyrics to critique, and now he sent darker poetry. Where there had once been humor, there just seemed to be a lost boy.

I always made sure to tell him how much his friendship meant to me and that I was always only a phone call or a letter away if he wanted to talk. By the spring, he seemed to be doing much better.

We wrote about Jasper's intent to enlist in the Army, which he eventually did when he turned eighteen. It wasn't so bad, a three-year enlistment and then he intended to use his GI Bill for college.

'_Anything to get away from David_' He'd said.

I wrote to him all through Basic Training, never expecting a reply because I knew he'd be busy. Surprisingly, he tried to write as much as he could, and I was touched when he asked if I would be able to make it to his graduation at Fort Benning.

I begged and pleaded with Emmett for three weeks to take me, and when he finally caved, I was ecstatic, but had no time to write Jasper to tell him we'd be there.

It felt good to see him again, though I hated the fact that he'd traded his chin-length waves for a crew cut. I hugged him as soon as the ceremony was over and we took him out to dinner. We talked for hours that night, Emmett spacing out or texting Rosalie, and it was as if we'd spent every day of the past three years together.

He got stationed at Fort Belvoir, having decided to go into Intelligence, so it was nearly impossible to keep contact beyond our requisite letters. It was one year into his enlistment when I received the letter that made my stomach drop, and no matter how many times I read it, I always had the same response.

Jasper was being deployed to Iraq. Granted, he was Intelligence, not Infantry, and I knew the likelihood of him seeing combat was slim. Still, I couldn't help but worry because while I had Bella to talk to and occasionally Emmett (if I was desperate for someone to tell me what to do), Jasper was my best friend. There were no judgments, no criticisms. We fell together like two pieces of the same puzzle and we were comfortable with that friendship.

He promised to write me as soon as he arrived in the Green Zone and I, in turn, promised to write every week, whether he could write back or not. That first letter from him had my stomach churning, but he'd written it while he was on the transport to Baghdad, so there was little to report other than the crappy dinner served on the plane. Still, I had the APO address I'd need, and the following week, I made my way down to a non-profit organization that "adopted" soldiers as Pen Pals.

I immediately put Jasper's name on the list and signed myself up as his official Pen Pal, smiling as they stamped out a thin aluminum cuff bracelet with Jasper's name, rank, and brigade on it. I wore it religiously. And I wrote religiously. I sent care packages each month and letters once a week, and though he couldn't tell me much of what his job entailed, he wrote about funny happenings, trips to Qatar on leave days, buying ten DVD's for five American dollars in the city, and the fact that their "mess hall" was actually one of the royal palaces. A few months into his deployment, a heavier envelope arrived from him with a spare set of his dog tags and a silver chain he'd purchased in Baghdad.

'_You don't have to wear them, but I thought you might like them_.' He'd written.

I did wear them. Every day. I was never blatant about it, I kept them tucked in my shirt just like Jasper would have, but I kept them on me to keep him close to my heart.

_**Jasper POV**_

I admit that I'd never had any intention of getting to know Emmett and Sage. In truth, Emmett seemed too cocky and Sage immediately struck me as mousy. That went out the window once I became privy to what she thought and didn't say. Then, when she'd passed me on the front porch that first evening of their visit and asked me if that was _really_ a Fender FR-50CE Resonator guitar… well… I was putty in her hands.

She was shy and sweet and I liked the delicate way she hummed out a note as I let her strum my guitar, her eyes closed serenely as though it were a religious experience for her. I liked her. I could get along with her. And after that, I made it a point to get to know her.

I wasn't actually one for writing letters, or even e-mails, but Sage was easy to write to. She had a good ear for music, and I trusted her with the most intimate thoughts that I put down into song. She never judged, never criticized, only played them and sang them to herself and wrote back with her thoughts.

I think those three years before I graduated, we may have spoken on the phone twice. For us, it was just easier, deeper, more sacred to write it all out. Even though that was the case, I knew if we were face-to-face again, it would be as if we'd never been apart.

I was glad when Rosie finally got out of the house. Not that we didn't get along, but I don't think she really took much time to notice me; maybe it was just easier for her if she didn't. But when mom died, she made sure to call home once a week, assuring me that if I needed her, she'd come home.

Not that I didn't need her, but Sage was taking care of my emotional well-being just fine. I could rant or not, work out frustrations or not, it didn't matter to her. Hell, I once wrote an entire letter that consisted of one sentence repeated twenty times: '_My life is hell_'.

Her response made me smile. '_Then dammit, do your fucking job and take the devil by the horns and shake him!_'

In truth, I was glad that I didn't get any face-to-face interaction with Sage over those years. She was scared and ignored in school and I knew, not just from the time I'd spent with her that one summer, but also from pictures she frequently sent, that she was beautiful and the boys were after her. I'd have been hard pressed to not take a leaf out of Emmett's book and beat a few of them up. But most of the time, she was also upset with Emmett for scaring one off or refusing to let her go her own way on things, so a lot of the time I wanted to punch him too.

If you were to ask Sage, she'd probably give a fairly basic assessment of her looks. It always amazed me that she couldn't see what Emmett and I saw, which was a girl with half the boys chasing after her and the other half circling 'round to head her off.

Her hair is the palest blond, like a sheet of corn silk flowing down to her waist, and her eyes are pale sea foam green. True to the form of living in Washington State, she was altogether pale, but she spent enough time down at the nearby Indian Reservation and the beach there to get a bit of color in her cheeks each summer. She's petite, only standing five feet even (a full one foot, three inches shorter than me), and thin, but healthy. She ran track, played soccer, and had some definition to her that couldn't be missed. Top it all off with a heart-shaped face and full pink lips, and is it any wonder there were days I wanted to go all Dark Side and help Emmett?

But she was my friend, and regardless of how I saw her—how others saw her—it was most important to me that she see herself. With Emmett calling the shots, it wasn't often she had a chance to, and that bothered me.

When I finally broached the topic of enlisting with her, she was supportive. It surprised me because Rosalie had damn-near had a heart attack and had proceeded to scream at me for twenty minutes.

Apparently she thought I'd forgotten we were in the middle of a war overseas. I hadn't. And that's why I trusted Sage more with my emotional well-being: no judgments. That was also why I'd asked Sage to come to my graduation. I knew even if she couldn't, she would've wanted to; Rose would've come simply to yell at me in person.

I hadn't actually expected Sage to keep up writing to me, especially with my rotating shifts; I didn't always have time to pay her letters the kind of attention they deserved. She said she didn't mind, and I believed her. She continued to write and I did my best to respond, albeit with fewer songs.

When I found out I was being deployed to the Middle East, things got hairy. I told Rosalie first because I felt she had a right to know before anyone else. She screamed at me for an hour that night and it took another hour of me begging and pleading for her not to tell Emmett. I knew if she told Emmett, he would turn right around and tell Sage, and I felt she needed to hear it from me.

She was supportive again, always supportive. But she told me she was scared for me, and made me promise a million ways from Sunday that I would come back. I wrote her on the plane over, put the APO address on it, and dropped it in the mail almost as soon as I hit the Green Zone. Two weeks later, I had my first care package full of socks, chap stick, razors, pictures, and Double Stuf Oreos, along with a letter and an inventory list (because apparently Sage wasn't about to trust any mail system with my Double Stuf Oreos).

Even though it took about two weeks to get each letter and my responses were always two weeks behind her current activities, we kept a steady stream. Every Friday, come hell or high water, I had a letter. On the third Friday of every month, I had a letter _and_ a care package with an inventory and a reminder to tell her what I needed that I couldn't get myself.

I tried to write to her about stupid shit, innocuous things that wouldn't worry her, but I knew she knew there was more going on than I was telling. There was no way in hell I'd tell her that we had RPG attacks almost every night: the sirens would start blaring, and we'd all have to hunker down in the shelters, waiting for it to end. And that was tame compared to some of the shit I'd seen and been through. Still, she sent letters and packages and by my second month in the sandbox, my entire brigade, including the officers, were jealous because _Corporal Whitlock_ had a girl back home so utterly dedicated that he got mail every week.

I'm not ashamed to say I let them think that Sage was my girl. It felt good to be thought of by someone back home and it boosted my ego a bit that even some of the officer's _wives_ weren't as dedicated to Pen Palling and care packages as Sage was.

When I was in maintown Baghdad one afternoon with a few friends, I found a delicate silver chain that I knew would look great around her neck. A lot of the guys gave their girls a spare set of their tags to wear, though they were always on the standard issue aluminum chain.

Sage wasn't my girl, but she was the one helping me get through my time overseas, and I wanted her to know how much that meant to me. I bought the chain and mailed it to her the next day with my spare set of tags, telling her that she didn't have to wear them, but that I figured she'd like to have them. The responding letter was full of thanks and I'd dare say a touch of embarrassment.

The current care package contained a Fall Out Boy CD she'd made reference to and a DVD video of her down at First Beach with a few of the guys from the Reservation. It was dated 3/15.

I sifted through the contents of my latest box, and smiled as I pulled out a bottle of Texas Pete Hot Sauce. A note on it read, '_For Peter, because you say he always complains there's not enough Texas heat in the food_'.

"Hey, Pete!" I called across the barracks and I tossed my friend the bottle as he turned to me. "From Sage. In case you wanna add something to your food."

Peter grinned at me, his dark eyes glinting maliciously. "And what did the ever-loving, beautiful, _virginal_—"

"Pete…" I warned. Peter was the only person I'd been honest about Sage with. He'd howled with laughter at first, then admitted he understood, before deciding it was his new mission in life to meet Sage and see just how sweet and innocent she truly was… and then corrupt it all right out of her.

"Fine. What'd she send you this time? More love notes?" I held up the letter, in its own envelope, and he rolled his eyes. "Anything else?"

"Got some Beanie Babies for the kids in town."

He grinned. "I wanna know where she came up with that idea."

"She said she saw it on some deployment forum. They fit in the leg pockets nicely." I patted the leg of my desert BDU's… Coffee Stains.

"Isn't that sweet." It was laced with sarcasm, but I could tell he appreciated her thought. Peter was Infantry, which meant he was often wandering through Baghdad, armed, and the kids were always scared when they saw the brigade coming. "What else?"

"New CD. Video."

"Ooh! I wanna see the video! I wanna know how she sounds so I can—"

"PETE!" I all but shouted.

He rolled his eyes. "One day, Fucker. You're gonna fuckin' wanna know too." He smirked and reached in for my Double Stuf's but I smacked his hand away. "Ow! Damn man, share much? That's fuckin' pre-school shit."

"Stay away from my goddamn Oreos. I only get one pack a month."

"As opposed to those of us who get _none_."

"If you asked Charlotte, I'm sure she'd send you some."

"Well why doesn't Sage just send you three or four packs?"

I rolled my eyes. "You do get that she spends fifty dollars a month to send one package, right? And that she also has to pay postage for every letter she sends? She's in fuckin' high school and her uncle is a police officer. They're not exactly rolling in dough. 'Sides, it's easier for you to steal my fuckin' Oreos if I've got more to keep track of." I growled, narrowing my eyes as his hand twitched toward the blue package again.

Peter groaned and flopped down on the cot next to mine. "So you told her when you'll be home?"

"Nah. Figured I'll surprise her. Rose said she and Emmett'll keep their mouths shut."

I would only be in Iraq a few more weeks before heading back home, my stay a rather long and arduous eighteen months. Not only was my time in the Middle East almost up, but after three years, my time in the Army was as well.

Pete wandered back to his bunk, sulking. I rolled my eyes and opened the package of Oreos, tossing him two. Pete was my best friend over here, and I always counted on him having my back. The least I could do was share two damn Oreos with him. I tore open the envelope and pulled the purple stationery out, checking the envelope quickly to make sure nothing was missed, before settling back against the wall and opening the letter.

_Jas,_

_ How are things in the sandbox?_

_ You'll never guess what I managed to get my hands on this week. Ready? You'll be jealous. An old Samick SD-10! I found it in Seth Clearwater's attic and his mom said I could have it! I didn't feel right just taking it, but she wouldn't let me give her any money._

Dammit. Lucky. I'd been looking for a Samick SD-10 for years and hadn't managed to get my hands on one. And she knew that too.

_And I'm actually going to Prom. I know, I know, shock. Big shock._

It was a big shock. She was hell-bent she was not going alone.

_Henry Davidson asked me._

There we go.

_I'm just hoping that Emmett doesn't run him off like he did Steve Fowler, Jeff Newton, and Marcus Anton._

Actually, I had it on good authority from Emmett and Rose that those three were douche canoes, so I was, for once, willing to overlook his interference in Sage's personal life. She'd cringe if she knew I'd called Emmett to ream him for that, but we'd actually had a fairly pleasant conversation, all things considered.

_Emmett and Rose are headed up here in a couple weeks. Rose actually sounded excited for me. She said she'd help me pick out a dress._

That could either be very bad, or very good, depending on whose interests Rose had at heart.

_Is there any word yet on when you'll be home? Your enlistment is almost up. Shouldn't they be sending you home soon?_

Shit. I couldn't lie to her. It was absolutely against my nature to lie to one Sage Anne McCarty. If I wrote back and completely ignored it, she'd know something was up… or she'd worry. Sage was good at worrying. She could drive you crazy inside of ten minutes if you really got her going.

_Anyhow, here's this month's care package. I put in a few Beanies for the kids, maybe Peter and the guys will be able to hand them out and get some good will. The Oreos are there, as always, and there's some more sunblock._

I sifted through the contents and found the SPF75.

_Be sure to give Peter his hot sauce. I had to drive all the way to Port Angeles to get it. There's more razors, shave cream, aftershave, and that soap you like in the shaving bag._

I smiled and ran my fingers over the black canvas bag she was referring to.

_There's also a video of some of us down at La Push. You were asking me to describe it for you and I really couldn't find the words, so the guys figured we could just show you. Hope your laptop is sand-free and working again._

I grimaced. It wasn't. I'd have to see if I could borrow Peter's, but that would probably mean he'd want to watch the video with me… and I knew why he wanted to hear what Sage sounded like… so he could try to decide what she'd sound like in the throes of sex. It was an image I didn't need.

_Please be safe, Jazz. I know, I know, you always are. It doesn't make me worry less, so stop rolling your eyes at me_.

Shit. She knew me too well.

_Let me know when they're sending you home. Maybe I can convince Em to let me head out to Virginia for a week or two and we could go biking on those old battlefield trails you were telling me about. Hugs and love, Jazz._

_Always,_

_Sage_

I smiled. Her letters were never forced. Sometimes they were pages long, other times they were only a few lines, but they always made me feel better.

Sighing, I pulled the only other piece of mail I'd received out of my cargo pocket. It was a thick yellow parchment envelope bearing an official seal. I turned it over a few times, not sure if I wanted to know what its contents were. I _knew_ it was a yes or a no, I just wasn't sure I wanted to know, in case it was a _no_, you know? Yes, the WTF of that sentence is not lost on me.

I took a deep breath and slit the envelope, pulled the heavy parchment paper out, and glanced carefully at the official letter in my hand.

I smiled.

_I'll be damned_.

I got into Berkeley. Looks like Sage won't have to come visit Virginia after all. She'd gotten into Berkeley and was going to appease Emmett for at least one year there before she decided if she wanted to transfer to another school.

For the first time in six years, Sage McCarty and I would be able to spend more than just a few hours talking, playing music, and laughing, not having to rely on pen and paper. It wasn't lost on me that I was more excited than I should've been to see a _friend_.

_**End Note: Leave some love and I'll send you a teaser.**_


	3. This Ain't A Scene

_**A/N: Once again, I no own, you no sue. It belongs to SM. I'm just fucking with shit in the 'verse. Leave some love!**_

_**Remember that this story is rated M, has future lemons, adult themes, violence, and should only be read by people 18 years or older.**_

_**Thanks again to RemyKilday for pre-reading.**_

_**I worship at the altar of HammerHips' ass.**_

Chapter 2: This Ain't A Scene

_I wrote the gospel on giving up_

_(You look pretty sinking)_

_But the real bombshells have already sunk_

_(Prima donnas of the gutter)_

_At night we're painting your trash gold while you sleep_

_Crashing not like hips or cars_

_No, more like p-p-p-parties_

_This ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race…_

-"This Ain't A Scene, It's an Arms Race" by Fall Out Boy

_**Jasper POV**_

I smiled and stubbed out my cigarette as Rosalie's red BMW M3 pulled up in front of me and I motioned for her to pop the trunk, as I rushed through the torrential rain. She obliged and I dumped my rucksack in before slamming it shut and hustling back to the front to climb in.

"You're paying to replace the leather if it gets ruined." She said by way of greeting.

"Aw, shit, nice to see you too, Rosie. God, you know it's only been about two years since I saw you last, me being in the sandbox and in the Army and all."

She glared at me and took off, expertly guiding her car through traffic. Now, I'm in the Army and I'm used to crazy ass drivers and tailgating because that's what you do in a caravan, but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!

"Shit, Rose!" I yelled, stomping on an imaginary brake pedal as taillights zoomed toward us.

She snorted. "Shut up, Jazz." She looked at me disapprovingly. "When did you start smoking? Emmett's not going to want you smoking around Sage."

Of course not. Because Sage has never seen a cigarette before. Nasty little fuckers, they corrupt your mind and tell you to do bad things. What I actually said was, "I've been smoking for almost three years now. And Sage is a big girl, ties her own shoes and everything. If she doesn't want me smokin' around her, she can fuckin' tell me and she knows it." She glared and I sighed and settled back into the seat. "So how long are ya'll in Forks for?" I watched the remains of Sea-Tac Airport fade in the rearview mirror.

Rosalie groaned. "Until Sage graduates, I guess. That depends on if she's planning on putting up a fight about the dorms."

"What about the dorms?"

She sighed again and I could tell that today had obviously been one of Sage's _I'm Mad As Hell and Not Taking Emmett's Shit Anymore_ days. "Emmett said she could move into the dorms and she was really looking forward to it… now he's not so sure and she's pissed he's reneging. Top that with the tattoo…"

"What tattoo?" Jesus! What had I missed in the week I'd been stateside?

She smirked now. "She came home last night, looked Emmett straight in the eye, and told him she got a tattoo for her eighteenth birthday. She's refusing to say where it is or show it to us."

I thought about that for a moment. "Sage turned eighteen in January and it's fuckin' April."

"I'm aware." She snarked. "I think she only just now had the guts to tell him… or maybe she was looking to start a fight, who knows?"

"Or maybe Emmett already started the fight and she decided to fuel the fire." Not the smartest move, but I knew Sage well enough to know she'd calculated her risks.

"Why do you always take her side?"

"Why do you always take Emmett's side?" I countered. "You know, if I acted toward you the way Emmett acts toward Sage, you'd have killed me before I hit puberty. _In fact_," I added angrily. "I recall a time I _did_ act that way and what happened after." She winced, but then shrugged a bit. "She just wants her own damn life and I don't see anything wrong with that. She's smart, it's not like she's gonna run out and get knocked up or get into drugs or anything."

Rose watched me carefully out of the corner of her eye, but said nothing. We passed the rest of the drive to Forks in silence, speaking only when she shifted the car into _park_ and we climbed out. I grabbed my rucksack from the trunk and we trudged up the front porch steps.

Before Rose could open the door, it was whipped open and we came face to face with Emmett's hopeful expression. It quickly fell and I immediately knew something was wrong.

"Emmett." I greeted as he shifted to allow us inside.

"Hey, Jasper." He sighed.

Rosalie paused in the entryway, listening. "No Fall Out Boy blasting. That's her angry music… did you two make up?" he shook his head. "Where is she?" his head hung lower. "What is it, Babe?"

Emmett groaned and closed the door before settling himself on the couch and pinching the bridge of his nose. "So… Henry Davidson called while Sage was doing her homework…" That's not good.

"Please tell me you didn't." Rose whispered before I had a chance to growl those same words.

"It just came out!"

"_Emmett!_" she cried in exasperation.

"The next thing I know she's yelling and swearing, and then she comes charging down the stairs! She actually had the nerve to _throw_ her cell phone at my head before she stormed out!" he glared to a small corner of the living room where the remnants of Sage's iPhone lay. "He broke it off in text…"

Rosalie was stunned. I could tell by the way she just sunk down next to him on the couch. I, however, was pissed.

"Where is she?" I asked. When he didn't answer, I yelled, "Dammit, Emmett! I'm not even back in the country a whole damn week and you've pissed her off so bad she's not here to be surprised, so tell me where the fuck she is!"

He sighed dramatically. "When she's pissed, she usually goes down to the high school and shoots hoops. Rain or shine."

I growled and headed toward the open bathroom door. "Not even in my fuckin' civvies yet and you're shooting shit to hell and gone." I ground out. "I'm gonna change and you're gonna point me to the school."

I peeled off my BDU's and rolled them carefully before pulling on a pair of faded jeans, a blue _Element_ T-shirt, and my old battered combat boots. After so long wearing them, it would take some time for me to wear my shit-kickers or sneakers.

When I emerged, Emmett's jaw was set and he was glaring at me, ignoring Rose's quiet whispers. He narrowed his eyes as he stated, "I'll go with you." He made to stand up, but I held up a hand to stop him.

"Emmett, I realize you're trying to do right by Sage, but you _will_ let me handle this." My tone left no room for argument and it only pissed him off further.

"_You're_ not her brother… or her _boyfriend_." He growled.

"No, you're damn straight, I'm not." Right. Not. I'm not. "But I am her friend and right now, I'd say I know a fair shade more of what's going on in her head than you do." He glowered at me, but I ignored him. "Which way is the school?"

Rose gave me a weak smile and ran her fingers through Emmett's curls. "Two blocks east, hang a right on Oakmont."

I simply nodded and headed out the door. Sage had obviously taken off on foot. The bright orange VW Beetle I knew to be hers was still parked in front of the house. Well, at least it was only misting here.

I walked quickly, not really in the mood to run or even jog, but I was also trying to buy myself time. I'd expected my surprise reappearance in Sage's life to be a happy moment, but it was about to be tainted with her fury over Emmett's actions and while I was good at placating her on paper, I had no idea if I'd be any good at it in person. I'd been counting on getting reacquainted with how she operated in day-to-day life before having to deal with the shit storm that was her and Emmett's relationship.

_No time like the present though_.

I turned right at Oakmont and the high school came into view immediately. Under the graying sky, everything about it was washed out, including the gray concrete slab and two black hoops at the front of the property.

I saw a tiny figure in jeans, a hoodie, and black Converse; she was moving, jumping, the ball bouncing off the back board as she caught it deftly without having to chase it. As I got closer, the familiar tune of her favorite Emmett Anger-related song reached my ears.

"_This ain't a scene, it's a GOD DAMN ARMS RACE! This ain't a scene…_"

I smiled and stopped next to the picnic table where she'd set up her iPod and portable speakers. Her back was to me and she hadn't noticed me at all as she continued shooting and missing. She must've been livid, she knew how to shoot a damn basket.

Taking a deep breath, I reached over and hit _Pause_ on the iPod. She froze immediately and I could tell she was debating whether or not to yell at Emmett to fuck off.

"I came all the way across the damn world to see you, least you could do is turn around and say _hi_." I drawled out, knowing it'd catch her attention.

She turned slowly, the basketball still at chest height, and her eyes widened as they settled on me. For a moment, I watched her mouth my name, and then she was tossing the ball aside and running to me, throwing herself into my arms. I caught her gratefully as she hugged me about the neck.

"Jazz, what are you doing here?" she whispered.

I hugged her tighter. "I'm out, Sweetheart." She tensed. "What?"

Suddenly, she was pulling out of my arms and whacking me soundly across my arm. "What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have any idea how worried I've been? No letters for three weeks, I thought you'd been blown up or something! I've been watching the news every chance I get praying to God—"

I yanked her back into a hug and her arms found their way around my middle. "I'm sorry. I wanted to surprise you."

"Done." Her reply was muffled against my chest. She sighed and pulled away. "I can't believe you came."

"I told you we'd see each other as soon as I got back… I've been going through the discharge process and now I'm here." She gave me a half-smile and I tugged her back to the picnic table, careful to sit her on my lap to keep at least one of us off the damp wood. "So… you gonna tell me what clusterfuck Emmett got into now?"

She groaned and her head fell back to my shoulder. "Same old shit. Henry called to ask me what color flowers he should get for my corsage and Emmett proceeded with the _If you touch my sister, look at my sister, have wrong thoughts about my sister _spiel." She sighed. "It figures."

"Why's it figure?" I asked, hitching her higher to keep her from slipping.

She snorted. "Because I found a really nice dress and now I'm not going. A dress like that deserves its own audience." She sighed, got up, and retrieved the basketball. "It. Just. Figures." She ground out as she shot another basket and it rebounded off the backboard.

"Sweetheart, calm down. The backboard didn't do anything to you." I teased, hoping to lighten her mood. She didn't answer me but her shoulders visibly relaxed as she lined up another shot. "Sage?" no answer. "Sage-ey?" no answer. "Don't make me call you—"

"What, Jazz?"

I smiled. I'd only been able to tease her like that in letter-form before; it was nice to know she responded so easily. "How about you come back over here?"

"I feel like punching something." She warned.

I choked trying to hold down my laughter; the thought of sweet little Sage throwing a punch was absurd to me. I sighed and stood, crossing the court to her, taking the basketball and giving her a warning look as she made to object.

"Sage McCarty, I would be honored if you'd allow me to escort you to prom." I said, exaggerating my accent.

She giggled at my words, but then there were tears in her eyes. "You don't have to do that." She gave me a watery smile and made to take the basketball back.

I held it out of her reach. "I want to." More than I cared to admit to myself. "If you'll have me, I'd love to take you." I wiped away the one tear that escaped and she smiled again, but then it was gone and she lunged and got the ball away from me.

"I don't need a pity date, Jazz."

"It's not a pity date!" that stung a bit, dammit, and it was kinda ego-bruising. "Sage, I'm fuckin' back from Iraq not even a week and first you're fighitn' with Emmett, which is par for the course, I grant you, but now you wanna fight with me? Seriously? I figured you'd at least have some fun with me, not to mention it'd take a hell of a lot more than _Emmett_ to run me off, plus he probably would back off you just a bit considering it is _me_ and he knows you're safe if you're with me." That wasn't entirely true. Something in Emmett's eyes earlier told me I wasn't completely trusted, but I would be trusted more than any kid Sage would bring home. She watched me carefully, considering me, and I noticed a vein at her lower right jaw throbbing with the stress she was holding there.

"Swear it's not a pity date?"

I rolled my eyes. "I know better than to pity you, Sage McCarty." I got a half-smile in return, so I held out my hand. "Go to prom with me?"

For the first time since I'd arrived, she gave me a true smile, the kind only Sage can give, that made me feel lighter, easier, and not quite so world-weary. She took my hand and I pulled her into another hug.

"OK." She murmured and I chuckled.

"Come on. Let's get back and tell Emmett the good news." She quirked an eyebrow at me. "What? You don't think he'll be happy to have a soldier fresh from the sandbox—one who hasn't laid eyes on a decent female in eighteen months—taking his baby sister to prom?" I grinned and she turned beet red and burst out laughing. "That's my girl!" I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and we started walking back to the house.

"Em's not gonna like that."

"Don't I know it." I smirked. "I may agree with his notion of protecting you, but I don't always agree with his methods. At least he won't be able to scare me off… and I have a sneaking suspicion Rose feels bad enough to vouch for me. We can let him worry for one night; you and I both know nothing's gonna happen, but he doesn't need to know that."

She laughed at that. "Yeah, I guess not." We walked in comfortable silence for a while. "I'm glad you're home."

I smiled. "Me too." I sighed and hugged her tighter. "Guess what." She looked up at me curiously. "I got into Berkeley."

"Seriously?" she squeaked and I nodded, laughing. "Jazz, that's great!" she hugged me around my middle again. "Now I won't always feel the need to kill Emmett."

"Always good… So… you gonna let me have a go on that Samick at some point?"

She shifted uncomfortably for a moment. "Well… it's kinda yours… The only reason I took it when she offered was because I knew you wanted one."

I came to an abrupt halt, stunned. "Sage, that's… I… Wow." There were no words. I pulled her into a fierce hug, trying to convey my gratitude.

We chatted animatedly about guitars the rest of the way home, but quieted instantly as we neared the house and saw Emmett sitting on the porch steps staring at us. We stopped several feet away and he stood and made to approach us, but Sage pressed herself into my side and I hugged her to me. I couldn't miss the hurt in Emmett's eyes at that and I knew he and I were going to have to have a talk.

"Sage…" he sighed. "I'm sorry."

She squared her jaw at him. "Jasper _is_ taking me to prom." It wasn't a mousy admission. She was _telling_ him what was going to happen and her tone said it was going to happen regardless of what he thought. His eyes flicked to me and narrowed minutely before flicking back to her. "You're _not_ going to ruin my night, Emmett." This time it was a warning.

He watched her for a moment and I could tell he wasn't used to her fighting him so hard on things. Today was truly a first in his book; he had no idea how she felt most of the time. Finally, he nodded. "OK, Sage."

She untucked herself from me headed up the steps. When he reached for her, she twirled out of his reach. "We are _not_ OK." And then she was gone.

Emmett sat back down on the steps, his eyes downcast for a moment. "I just want what's best for her." He murmured.

"Well, maybe you need to let her decide what's best for her sometimes." I replied, earning me a glare from him. "Look, Emmett, I'm not gonna pretend with you. I get that you want her safe, hell, I want her safe. But you trying to run every minute of her life is not helping her. If she doesn't learn to deal with guys now, in a more controlled setting, how the hell is she supposed to be able to handle them when there isn't any control to be had?" he didn't say anything. "And for the record, I'm not trying to be Sage's big brother." The glare deepened. "I'm not trying to be anything but her friend." I amended. "She got me through some shitty times when my mom died and she got me through the desert; no one in my brigade had someone from home so dedicated to their letters. She was my anchor over there and now I'm gonna do my damndest to repay her in kind. That means that I'll protect her from everything…" I took a deep breath. "Including you."

I didn't wait for his response as I headed into the house to find Sage.

_**Sage POV**_

Having Jasper around was an easier adjustment than I realized. At least it was for me. Emmett was cold to him, though I'd actually never seen them interact with each other to begin with. Rose seemed happy that Jasper was home safe but I got the feeling that their relationship paralleled mine and Emmett's in a way. She never told him what to do or tried to control him, but she seemed to ignore him a lot, which was sad to watch.

Jasper had arrived in on a Friday, and he wasted no time in helping me with my Emmett issues, and then with dinner. When Bella left for the University of Arizona the previous fall, I'd taken up kitchen duty so as not to be subjected to Uncle Charlie's 'fried eggs and bacon for dinner' routine.

Jasper was good in the kitchen, helping me season and broil steaks and bake potatoes. We laughed and joked, and he told me more about Peter and the other guys he'd hung out with. I told him about yearbook staff, soccer, track, and the guys down at La Push.

When six o'clock rolled around, Uncle Charlie strode in, hung his coat and gun belt on the peg by the door, and toed out of his boots before heading into the kitchen.

"Smells good, Sage." He murmured appreciatively. He smiled at Jasper and held out his hand. "Jasper, good to see you." They shook hands.

"You too, Sir."

"Glad to be home?"

Jasper smiled. "More than you know."

Uncle Charlie's tone turned serious. "Rose said your regiment was hit by an IED a few months ago. You alright?" I dropped the knife I was using to cut tomatoes for a salad and turned to see Jasper's eyes scrunched closed, his shoulders in a near-permanent cringe.

Regiment? That was smaller than a brigade and I knew by Charlie's tone and phrasing that he meant that Jasper had been _involved_, which meant that Jasper had lied to me and told me everything was fine, omitting the fact that he'd been in danger.

He cleared his throat and regained his composure, watching me out of the corner of his eye. "Yes, Sir. We were headed out to Qatar on leave and the transport in front of mine struck the IED."

"Any casualties?"

"Thankfully, no, Sir."

Uncle Charlie nodded and his eyes slid from Jasper to me. I must've looked murderous because he shifted uncomfortably, clapped Jasper on the back, muttered "Good man", and went to hide in the living room with the sports channel.

I immediately turned back to the tomatoes, taking out my anger and frustration on them so that I didn't inadvertently hurl the knife at Jasper.

"Sage…" he murmured.

"I don't want to talk to you right now." I didn't have to look at him to know I'd hurt his feelings.

He sighed. "I didn't want you to worry."

_Thwack thwack thwack thwack_. The sound of the knife hitting the wooden cutting board wasn't nearly as satisfying as I'd hoped.

"Sage, come on. You know you'd have worried and I'm _fine_. Nothing happened to me." I dropped the knife and spun away from him as he tried to hug me.

"You don't get to just omit stuff like that and expect it to be OK because you had my best interests, or my feelings, or whatever at heart, Jasper." I snarled and his eyes widened. I'd never been angry with him before. "I worried about you the whole time you were gone, regardless of what was going on. You think I don't know what happens over there? I've heard stories, I've read the forums. _Nothing_ excuses you from not telling me because I was worried no matter what! At least have the balls to treat me the way you think Emmett oughta be treating me!" he looked as though I'd slapped him.

I shoved his hand out of the way and continued mutilating the tomatoes, no longer caring if there was anything left of them for the salad.

I heard him sigh behind me and ignored him as an arm slid around my waist and pulled me backward into his chest. "You're right. I'm sorry." He murmured into my hair. The intimacy of the situation wasn't lost on me, but at the moment I was too pissed off to care. "Forgive me?" I tried to pull out of his embrace but he held me fast, wrapping his other arm around for good measure and he leaned down to rest his chin on my shoulder. "Sage, I'm sorry. You're right that there's no excuse… I just didn't want you to worry about me." He nudged my cheek with his nose. "Please forgive me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Don't do it again, Whitlock." I warned.

"No, ma'am." He smiled and let me get back to the mass of mush that had been tomatoes.

Dinner was quiet that night, but in truth, it was always quiet. Uncle Charlie and I never spoke much, and Emmett and Rose didn't have much to say when they visited. Uncle Charlie apologized because we didn't have more room, stating that Jasper would have to sleep on the couch; but Jasper just shrugged it off, saying that he'd slept on worse.

We all went to bed early that night, though I couldn't get to sleep due to the raucous sex going on across the hall. I sighed, rolled over and pulled my pillow over my head.

My alarm went off at its usual six AM and I slowly and quietly dressed in a pair of black shorts, sports bra, and red tank top. I grabbed some socks and headed downstairs as quietly as possible, pausing to sit on the bottom step while I put my socks and running shoes on.

Jasper groaned and sat up, looking around. When his eyes landed on me, he smiled sleepily. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"Going for a run." I answered. "Go back to sleep."

"Nah. I'm up." Then he smirked. "You need a protection detail, or you gonna be OK out in the big bad town of _Forks_?"

I glared at him. "I'll be just fine."

"Don't get pissy, Sweetie, I was only teasing." He ran his hands over his face. "We need to get me a tux." I stared at him dumbly for a moment. "Unless you want me in my Formal Dress Uniform… but something tells me olive drab may clash." He continued cautiously.

"Right. Tux." I finally said when it clicked into place.

He cocked an eyebrow at me and a flash of hurt crossed his face. "Unless you don't want to—"

"No, I do." I insisted and then I sighed. "It's early and I didn't sleep well. I'm only on about half-power right now."

He seemed appeased as he smiled. "Alright then. Today?"

I nodded. "Sure. Just… just let me get my run in; then I'll get ready and we can head down to Port Angeles."

I ran my normal five miles, stopping only briefly to buy another bottle of water at the gas station, before heading back home and upstairs to take a shower. I dressed casually in a pair of faded jeans, a Black Flag band T-shirt, and flip flops before pulling my long hair into a ponytail and then trudging downstairs.

Jasper was waiting for me in the kitchen smiling as he placed a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me.

"You didn't have to." I told him as he set a cup of coffee in front of me as well.

"I know… but it feels good to cook again… and actually have decent food." He shuddered and sat down across from me with his own plate and coffee.

I smirked. "MRE's not doing it for ya?"

"We had real food, you know that."

"Powdered eggs constitute real food?" I asked incredulously.

"Touché." He clinked his mug with mine and took a sip.

I sighed, staring at him for a minute. "So… part of my dress is pink…" I wasn't exactly sure what to do. Henry hadn't been comfortable with the idea of wearing any pink on his tux, so he was just going with a classic black tux, black cummerbund, and black bow tie.

Jasper seemed to cotton on immediately though and smiled. "I'm secure enough in my sexuality to wear pink and not be embarrassed."

That made me roll my eyes and smile. "Of course… plus, big old badass Army guy, who's gonna mess with you?"

"You think I'm badass?" he teased.

"Funny how you missed the _old_." I shot back.

"Oh! Oh! Now I'm not wearing pink for you!" he cried, holding his hand over his heart. "You wound me deep, Kid, and I'm—"

"Ego, maybe." I stuck my tongue out at him and turned back to my eggs. I was trying to not get in a fight today, but Jasper's nickname there had struck a nerve. _Kid_. That was what Emmett constantly reminded me I was whenever he was trying to rationalize whatever he was trying to control at the moment.

I finished my eggs at lightning speed and rinsed our plates. We each gulped down another cup of coffee and headed out the door. We climbed into my car and I plugged my iPod into the AV cable before handing it to Jasper.

"Anything but the Classical. I can't drive with Beethoven playing over my shoulder. Makes me want to sleep."

He smirked and I took off. We passed the hour and a half to Port Angeles in complete, but comfortable, silence. Jasper flipped through my iPod changing artists with every song, never sticking to a playlist for more than a few minutes, and when we finally parked outside After Hours Formalwear in Port Angeles, I thought I was going to have to kill myself.

"Do you have music ADD or something?" I asked as we climbed out of my Beetle.

He smirked. "No, but you have so many artists on here… some I've never even heard of. Just wanted to test drive some songs before I get you to copy some files onto a thumb-drive for me."

"Wow… Not even in town a full twenty-four and you've already decided to steal my music."

"Not steal… _borrow_… and it's not like you don't get to keep it." He nudged me playfully as we entered the shop.

It took us several hours to find a style we both liked and finally settled on a black two-button, satin lined tux, black collared shirt, black vest, and hot pink necktie to match my dress perfectly. After Jasper was measured, we headed down the block to a coffee shop.

"I thought only guys in the sandbox drank this much coffee." Jasper snarked as I smiled down at my large black Arabica roast. We walked briskly down the walkway and back toward the car.

I smirked. "I don't see colors until my fourth cup of coffee." I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes, and relishing the aroma.

"And she doesn't play well with others until the sixth!" someone called from behind us. We turned and I felt my face break into a smile at the too-big-to-be-allowed russet wonders headed our way.

"Hey, Jake!" I called back, waving. "Seth."

Both were simply too tall. Jacob was pushing seven feet and Seth was following close at 6'7". Both had short-cropped black hair and the same muscular bulk.

"Hey there, Shorty." Seth greeted, pulling me into a hug, but mindful of my coffee. "Who's the Jarhead?" he nodded at Jasper appraisingly.

"Ground Pounder, actually, Pup." Jasper replied.

Jake raised an eyebrow. "You datin' military now? You're gonna break Paul's heart."

I snorted. "Jasper's a _friend_. We go way back. Jasper, meet Jake Black and Seth Clearwater." I raised an eyebrow at him. "And Paul doesn't have a heart to break, or have you forgotten how poorly he treated Leah?" I asked pointedly.

Jake snorted. "Sam's making that all better."

Wait… huh? "What about Emily?"

They shifted uncomfortably.

"Sam says it just wasn't meant to be." Seth mumbled.

"Wow… awkward… I sent her an e-mail last week to invite them over for dinner soon."

Jake grimaced. "That actually reminds me… Did Charlie tell you we're having a cookout tonight? You guys are invited." He was still appraising Jasper over my shoulder.

"He didn't mention it. I'll double check with everyone then. It'll be nice to have a night off dinner duty." We said our goodbyes and Jasper and I headed back to my car.

"Boys seem a bit smitten." He remarked casually as I pulled onto the highway.

I smirked. "Don't start pulling an Emmett on me now. He sees guys checking me out just because they look me in the eye."

Jasper shook his head, rolling his eyes at me. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Sweetheart, but your brother isn't mistaken in what he sees, only how he reacts."

My brow furrowed and I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he flipped through the iPod again.

_**End Note: I like reviews. And I hope you like my story… so maybe you could push that button and leave me a review? I'll send you a teaser if you do.**_


	4. I Hope You Dance

_**A/N: I don't own it, I'm just fucking with it.**_

_**A reminder that this story is rated M for a reason. 18+ only please!**_

_**Thanks heaps to RemyKilday for pre-reading and giving love.**_

_**I worship at the altar of HammerHips' ass.**_

Chapter 3: I Hope You Dance

_I hope you still feel small_

_When you stand beside the ocean_

_Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens_

_Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance_

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance_

_I hope you dance_

-"I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack

_**Sage POV**_

"Rose, please leave me _alone_!" I cried, spinning out of Rosalie's grasp. She'd spent the past half-hour chasing me around my bedroom with various cosmetics.

She huffed in frustration. "This is _prom_. You can't just go completely bare…" the corner of her mouth hitched up in a smirk as she let the comment hang in the air.

My eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "Rosalie Lillian Hale!" I shrieked and Rose doubled over laughing. "What I get waxed is _my_ business… and as for the makeup… I'm gonna wear some, I just don't want you chasing me with it." I scowled at her. "You're gonna get it in my hair or something and I _like_ my hair."

I caught my reflection in the mirror and smiled. My long pale hair had been barrel-curled and then twisted into a loose twist-bun at the nape of my neck with several pieces loose in the front to frame my face. Rose had secured a fresh Kaleidoscope Orchid on either side of the bun.

I danced out of her reach again as a powder puff flew at my face. "EMMETT!" I yelled, dashing out the door, clutching my robe around me. "EMMETT, MAKE HER STOP!" I bounded down the stairs and crashed straight into a hard, well-muscled chest.

"Easy, Sweetie." Jasper chided. He'd just come out of the shower, his short hair still damp. He was wearing only a pair of basketball shorts and a gray T-shirt. "Don't wanna hurt yourself before we even get to the prom."

"Funny, Jas." I groaned and then squeaked as Jasper whipped me behind him as Rose made to come at me from behind. "EMMETT!" I yelled again, taking off toward the kitchen.

"Sage, I'm good with makeup, dammit! Just sit down!"

"Make her stop!" I yelled at Emmett as he put the finishing touches on a mammoth sandwich.

He turned and glanced from me to Rose and back to me. "Uh…" _Great_. He's weighing the options based on the fact that Rose may put him on a sex timeout. "Uh…"

"Rose, this is Sage's prom, why not let her do her own thing." Jasper sighed, leaning against the doorframe.

Rose huffed, her eyes narrowing. "_Fine_!" she stormed out of the kitchen.

I closed my eyes for a moment and felt a great sense of relief. When I padded back out to the hallway, Jasper was locked in a glaring contest with Rose. "Everything OK?" I asked hesitantly.

"Just fine, Sweetie. Rosie's just having trouble letting go is all." Jasper gave me an encouraging smile and nodded for me to head back upstairs. When I got to the top of the stairs I cringed as I heard harsh whispers and "Dammit, Rose! Just back off her, let her have her night! I'm gonna smoke a fuckin' cigarette and when I come back in, you're not gonna be hassling her, or me." The door opened and closed and I sighed and sat back down at my vanity and began applying foundation and powder.

_Blend… puff… blush…eyeliner…_

Small wisps of smoke rose up from the porch below my window and I took a moment to peak out and down to see Jasper leaning with his elbows on the railing, a cigarette dangling from between the second and third fingers of his right hand. He blew another puff of smoke out and I watched him shift, standing and heading down into the yard, inspecting the tread on Rosalie's tires. He turned and his eyes immediately shifted up to my window. I ducked out of the way as quickly as possible and went back to my makeup.

_Eye shadow…mascara…lip gloss…_

I smiled at my reflection. I knew that if Rosalie had done my makeup, she would've wanted a heavier, more done-up look. I liked the peachy undertones and the dewy look and I felt I'd done a good job. I sighed as I glanced at my dress; I was going to have to make nice with Rosalie. I wouldn't be able to get the zipper in the back otherwise, and I wasn't exactly shot in the butt with the idea of Emmett having a bird's eye view of my bare back (no bra) and white lace thong.

_Jasper, on the other hand…_

_No! We're not even gonna go there. Nuh-uh_!

I sighed and shed my robe, deciding to pull on a black tube top and a pair of red shorts so that I wasn't wandering around searching for Rose in my robe. I padded back down the stairs just as Jasper was coming back in. He cocked an eyebrow at me, but smiled.

"At some point tonight, you are gonna be in a dress, right? I feel like I'm going through the various stages of _dress_ here."

"Oh… funny. I have to go make nice with your sister or no, you won't be seeing me in a dress." I smacked him lightly across his abs and he pretended to fall down.

"Ouch!" he called after me as I smirked and walked off.

I found Rosalie in the kitchen with a cup of tea. I leaned against the doorway and sighed. "Rose, I'm sorry, OK? I just wanted to be able to do it myself." She nodded minutely. "Would you mind helping me on with my dress?" she shrugged and stood to follow me. "Thank you." Jasper was lying where I'd left him, one eye open to watch for my return. I snickered. "Get up, Loser. You've got an entire tuxedo to get on." I nudged him with my toe and he grabbed my ankle and pulled me down. I landed on his chest and he began tickling me. "Jas! Jasper, no! No tickling!" I cried, bending and curling, trying to escape him.

"Apologize!" he laughed and I shook my head. "Apologize! I can go on like this for a good long while, Sage. Apologize!"

"OK! OK, I'm sorry!" he stopped and I stood up and stepped over him, shoving his head back down as I went, adding, "that you're such a loser!" I sprinted up the stairs.

Rosalie joined me a moment later, closing the door silently. She stared at me, appraising me, and I shifted uncomfortably. "Jas is always so happy because of you." She said finally. "I don't think I've ever seen him smile as much as when one of your letters would come, or here in the past week… It's… it's very nice to see."

_How the hell do I respond to that_?

"Thank you, Rosalie."

She gave me a small smile and slid my dress off the hanger. "This is an amazing dress, by the way." I peeled my clothes off and stepped into it, careful to aim my right side away from both the mirror and Rosalie, as my tattoo was just over my bottom right ribs. I smiled as I held it to my torso and she zipped me into it.

My dress was made of white silk barege. I loved the fabric because it was gauzy and light; it was strapless, with an empire waist just below my bosom. At knee level, the white fabric faded to hot pink and ended at the floor in a small pool.

Rose smiled and helped me on with my strappy silver stilettos, and then fastened a fine silver chain with a single small hot pink gemstone around my neck. I added matching stud earrings and then we both simply stared at me in the mirror.

"Wow." She smiled and patted my shoulder. "You look really beautiful, Sage."

I watched as the blush crept up my chest and into my face. "Thanks, Rose." I sighed and sat back down at the vanity. "What are you and Emmett doing tonight?"

"We're catching a double feature in Port Angeles." She rolled her eyes. "Two Horror movies… Your brother is a moron sometimes." She turned and headed for the door, sparing a glance at the clock. "It's seven now. We need to get pictures done before you leave or Charlie will kill us, so come on down when you're ready. I'm going to go make sure Jasper's ready." She disappeared into the hallway.

I nodded and glanced at myself in the mirror again. "Well," I sighed. "It's as good as it's gonna get. You wanted a date. Get a move on."

I stood and turned on my heel without another thought and marched to the door. I opened it, stepped out onto the landing, and peered down the stairs. Jasper was waiting for me, a smile on his face, and a corsage of Kaleidoscope Orchids in his hand. His eyes widened and so did his smile as I came into full view.

"Well get on down here, don't keep me waiting." He chided, drawling it out so that I giggled.

I carefully maneuvered the stairs (damn Rose and her death-shoe fetish!) and stood in front of him.

"Miss McCarty, I do believe you've grown." He smirked.

"Mister Whitlock, don't be an ass." I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed.

"Pictures!" Rosalie called and she pulled my blue digital Nikon out of her pocket before handing me Jasper's matching boutonniere. "Let's get some of you pinning the boutonniere on, and then some of Jazz putting your corsage on and then we'll get some nice posed ones."

"Yeah, 'cause that doesn't sound cheesy and posed at all." I whispered, rolling my eyes, causing Jasper inhale sharply in order to keep from laughing.

We did as instructed, posing and smiling per Rosalie's directions until Emmett came out of the kitchen and groaned.

"_Rose_!" We _all_ knew where that was going. He'd demanded I not wear a strapless dress. She shot him a death glare, however, and he backtracked. "I thought you were going to call me before you did pictures."

Rose's eyes narrowed. "Sorry." She replied curtly before turning back to us. "How about some cute ones?" I raised my eyebrow and looked up at Jasper. His expression mimicked mine. Rose rolled her eyes and huffed. "Peck Jazz on the cheek."

I could feel the blush rising, but did as I was told so that Rose would leave me alone. We switched for the next shot, me still beet red, and then we did our best to back slowly out the front door. Slowly… slowly… _slowly_… We didn't want to startle Rose… she might charge…

We hauled ass to the M3, laughing hysterically as Rose yelled for us to come back. Jasper helped me into the car, climbed in, and we peeled out.

"Your sister… is bipolar or something!" I gasped. "Manic about the makeup, depressed about the makeup, manic about the pictures!"

Jasper shook his head. "Did you see Emmett's face when he saw your dress? I thought he was gonna rip my arms off and light me on fire!" he grimaced all of a sudden. "Shit, we forgot your camera in our bid to get free."

I shook my head. "No…" and I held up a smaller, pink camera. "I put it in my handbag before I came downstairs. I had a feeling we would have to beat a hasty retreat."

He looked offended. "_I_ do _not_ retreat!" he growled playfully.

I mock-saluted. "Yes, Sir!"

"Don't get snarky."

"Why not? You're already in the tux."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Cocky little shit."

"Learned it from you." I retorted. I leaned down to adjust my dress around my feet when my cell phone (thank GOD for insurance!) started ringing. I rolled my eyes and pulled it out. "What, Emmett?" I asked when I hit _Talk_.

"I just wanted to remind you that we'll be in Port Angeles and Uncle Charlie is working the night shift tonight, so if you need something—"

"Call Sue, Billy, or Misses Newton." I finished lamely.

"Right. And remember—"

"There's pepper spray in my purse, Jasper's to keep his hands to himself, and he's to make sure that other guys keep their hands to themselves as well."

"Exactly. Any questions?"

I shot Jasper a look and he smirked. "Yeah… do I have to keep my hands to myself?" I could almost hear him turning red with anger. "Love you, Emmy! Bye!" I hung up laughing.

Jasper shook his head. "I really shouldn't encourage you with that." He snorted a laugh. "But I will because I can only imagine the heart attack going down."

My phone rang again and I rolled my eyes, not bothering to look at the screen, as I picked it up again and put it on speaker. "_What_, Emmett?"

"Not Big E."

"Oops. Sorry, Jake. What's up?"

There was silence for a moment and Jasper glanced at my phone. Finally, Jake said, "We have… a box."

I raised an eyebrow. "A box?"

"Yes."

Jasper and I glanced at each other. "OK, I'll bite. What kind of box?"

There was laughter in the background and I could easily pick out Seth and Paul.

"A _shoebox_!" Paul yelled.

"A shoebox…" I repeated, thinking. Then it dawned on me. "NO! NO! We swore we weren't gonna open that 'til we graduated college!" I cried, earning me a _WTF?_ look from Jasper.

"_Technically_ we said when we _graduated_, it was just assumed that it would be college." Seth yelled.

"We haven't graduated yet!"

"Don't be a bitch, Pipsqueak!" Paul yelled. "Our prom is tonight too. I expect your scrawny little ass down at First Beach by midnight or we're opening it without you!" there was a pause and I could tell he was taking the phone from Jake and taking their end off speaker. "And remember… I know what you put in there." He teased.

I groaned. "Paul, don't be an ass." I begged.

"Oh please! Like you wouldn't sell me out in a heartbeat. Midnight, Pipsqueak." And the line went dead.

I groaned. "Some days… not always, but some days… I really hate Paul." Jasper sighed, reached over, and flicked my bare shoulder. "Ow!" I shrieked. "What the hell?"

"Quit being sullen! I'm in a penguin suit, in a _pink_ tie, driving my sister's car even though I'll have to endure a slow, painful death if I even scratch it, it's not even eight, and you're groaning and moaning because your _friends_ want to hang out with you." He flicked me again and I smacked his hand. "We'll go to the beach. We'll have fun. And if you get whiny, I'm gonna bite you." He shot me a stern look that left no room for argument, but it was tainted by his playful smile.

I hunkered down in my seat, careful of my hair, and mumbled, "I thought you were secure enough in your sexuality to wear pink."

"I am, _Pipsqueak_."

"_Don't_ call me that." I instantly regretted my tone as a look that appeared to be a cross between jealousy and hurt marred his features.

"Paul gets to give you a nickname?" he even sounded hurt.

Groaning, I leaned over and rested my cheek against his shoulder. "It's not a nickname I enjoy… and you're _Southern_… you don't do nicknames. You do endearments… and I much prefer Sweetheart, Darlin', and Sweetie over _Pipsqueak_."

He smiled at that and turned his head a fraction to place a soft kiss on my forehead.

_Odd_.

He'd never done that before.

Jasper seemed to be thinking along the same line because he cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably as I slid all the way back into my seat.

"So…" he grimaced as he steered the car into the school parking lot and parked. He turned to face me and then sighed, shaking his head. "Are you gonna be OK if I miss your graduation?"

I was stunned. I hadn't actually expected him to go to my commencement ceremony. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugged. "I just wanted to make sure. You and Emmett seem to be in a weird place right now."

It was my turn to grimace. Emmett and I had been in a screaming match the previous night over me living in the dorms at Berkeley; Emmett wanted me nearby, but I wanted the freedom the dorms proposed. He and Rosalie had already been searching for a townhouse to rent in order to accommodate more people. In the end, Rosalie had proposed the same compromise Emmett and I had reached about Berkeley. I would live with them for one year and then I was free to move into the dorms or out on my own. We'd both grudgingly agreed.

"I'll be fine."

He nodded. "I know you'll be fine, that's not my concern. It just seems like you and Emmett are fighting more, and I know at least part of that is because I'm around. I don't want it to get out of control if I'm not here to step in."

I turned in my seat to face him. "_You_ are not the reason we're fighting." I sighed. "I made a resolution… after the whole Henry thing… that I wasn't going to let Emmett control everything about my life without a fight anymore. I'm not that ten year-old girl who needs looking after and it's time he realized it." He smiled at that. "_But_, since you bring it up, where are you going?"

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Rose wants me to move in with ya'll and since I have nothing here but the stuff in my pack, I need to get back to Fort Belvoir and clean out my storage locker… and get my truck. This riding around in Beetles and lipstick red chick cars is killing my manliness."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, because you're _so_ manly. It oozes from you and makes everything around you more manly too."

He smirked. "You make it sound like an STD, Sage."

"Don't all you Army boys have at least three of those?" I snarked, my hand going to the door handle. Jasper grasped my wrist and nodded at the door as though to say _Excuse me? Gentleman here. I'll get it._

_**Jasper POV**_

To say that Sage looked beautiful all dressed up would be the understatement of my existence. There were no words to describe her, and though there were times I occasionally wondered what it would be like to have Sage romantically, they all paled to the notion of her in that dress, dolled up for me.

OK, I knew it wasn't for _me_, but I pretended all the same, if only for a moment. That was how I tripped up. I kissed her forehead when I hadn't meant to, and it stunned her. To ease my own discomfort, I simply brushed it off.

By the time we arrived, the prom was in full-swing. Bodies were everywhere and hip hop blasted from the speakers… some song that had obviously come out during my time overseas, because I had no clue what it was.

I wrapped a protective arm around Sage and she wrapped her arm around my waist as we made our way through the gym.

She squeezed my side and I bent down so she could whisper in my ear. "That's Henry." She looked pointedly at a tall, gangly red-haired _boy_ who looked like he should just be starting high school, not finishing it.

I smirked. "Wanna make him jealous, Sweetheart?" she cocked an eyebrow at me. "Come on, you know you're just a little bit pissed at him for letting Emmett scare him off."

No clue. I really had _no clue_ what I was doing. It was like I was _begging_ for something to go wrong.

"What did you have in mind?" she asked.

I shrugged and dropped my arm from her, instead lacing my fingers with hers and watching for just the right moment, planting a tender kiss on her knuckles as Henry looked in our direction. He blanched and I could almost feel the jealousy and insecurity radiating off of him.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart, but I think Emmett mighta done you a favor."

She snorted. "I never said I _liked_ him… he was a friend and he asked me."

I rolled my eyes as a slow song began and I pulled her onto the dance floor, pulling her arms up to drape them around my neck. "Well, I think you took a step up, at least."

"Of course I did. That's why you're my best friend, Jazz. You're always there for me." She smiled sweetly and I grinned back, hiding the fact that I felt as though I'd been punched in the stomach.

_Shit_.

"Sage!"

Sage turned and dropped her arms, spinning in my hands to hug a tall redheaded girl who'd magically appeared behind us. "Victoria! How are you?"

"Good! We've missed you at the Yearbook meetings this past week." Her eyes flicked to me briefly before going back to Sage.

"Yeah… Jasper just got back from Iraq so I've been hanging out with him." She patted my hand that rested on her hip.

Victoria's eyes widened. "_You're_ Sage's Soldier Boy?" she asked me and I shrugged, suddenly embarrassed. "_Man_ more like, I guess." She gave a knowing smile. "No wonder she's kept you all to herself."

"Victoria!" Sage cried.

"What?" she wiggled her eyebrows at me. "Can't help it if I like 'em tall, lean, and blond… Man-meat. Yum." Sage groaned and I hugged her tighter to my chest in reassurance. "Seriously though, we thought she'd made you up."

I laughed. "No ma'am, I'm very real."

"And very _here_." She added. "I may just have to cut in later."

"Maybe." I answered, having no intention of allowing her to. "It was nice to meet you, Victoria." She smirked and disappeared into the crowd again as I leaned down to Sage's ear and whispered, "So you talk about me to your friends, huh?"

She turned so we could continue dancing and she was a robust shade of scarlet. "You're a friend too. Why wouldn't I?" I shrugged, not really having an answer. "I am sorry for her though… She's a little… _friendly_."

I shook my head. "Don't apologize. Sometimes I kinda feel invisible. It's nice to be seen."

Sage looked hurt. "_I_ see you."

I laughed. "I know you do. I just meant by someone other than you." She raised an eyebrow at me. "What?"

She shook her head. "Jazz, maybe you haven't noticed, but _every_ girl here _sees_ you. You're like walking sex or something." I blushed, unable to stop it and silently cursing it. "Seriously!"

I silently willed the blood to leave my face and changed the subject. "So… what's in the shoebox?"

She groaned. "It's really stupid…" I smirked and she rolled her eyes. "When we were twelve, right after Emmett and Rose moved to California, Jake, Paul, Seth, and I buried our own… stupid version of a time capsule in Seth's backyard." She rolled her eyes. "We opened it when we were fifteen and took out our old stuff and put new stuff in."

"Why?"

She blushed again. "Because we realized we were really stupid, idiotic kids and the stuff we put in there was _not_ how we wanted to be remembered."

"Do I even want to know?

She let out a hard breath and I saw tears filling her eyes. She shut them quickly, forcing them back. "I was a really angry kid back then, Jazz."

I nodded. "I remember… took you forever to let me in, but I remember." I pulled her into a hug. "You had a right to be. No one faults you for that."

She smiled into my chest. "God, Jazz! Don't make me cry!" she laughed and pulled away, wiping her eyes gently so as not to smear her makeup.

There was a small jolt of pleasure as I saw Henry Davidson standing twenty feet away at the punch bowl, glaring at me. I smiled brightly at him before hugging Sage again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." I whispered into her hair.

"I know." She sighed.

We talked to several more of her friends over the course of the evening, spending the longest time with a French foreign exchange student named Laurent who insisted on squeezing my arm and winking at me, his hand at one point sliding down to my hip. I was forced to immediately sidestep and put Sage between us. She thought it was funny and laughed hysterically about it as we left.

"I mean… Laurent's _never_ that forward! It took him forever to ask Riley Biers on a date."

I grimaced and helped her into the car. I jogged around to the driver's side and climbed in, asking, "And what happened to Riley Biers?"

She shrugged. "He goes both ways, so I think he was with Irina Denali tonight."

I snorted a laugh. "_Lovely_. Guess it's my lucky night then, since Laurent's on the prowl."

"Oh stop." She chided, rolling her eyes. "You _know_ if it had been anyone else… say… _Peter_? You'd have been laughing your ass off right along with me."

"Yeah, probably." I smirked. "Just kinda killed the ego to have the most beautiful girl there on my arm and I was still getting felt up by a dude."

"As I said, he's never usually that forward. Probably an 'end of high school drama-rama' thing or something." It didn't escape me that she completely ignored my compliment. She actually rolled her eyes when I said it. "Turn onto the highway." She directed, pointing to the turnoff. "It's sad that you haven't had the chance to see First Beach in the daylight… but they'll probably start a driftwood bonfire, which is really cool." She grimaced and reached down to start undoing the straps on her shoes. "Think I'm going barefoot though. I swear Rose is trying to kill me… Death By Shoe. Should make the news." She flexed her feet, appreciating the freedom.

I stopped at a red light on the outskirts of town and took the time to peel off my jacket and roll up my shirtsleeves. I watched her frown out of the corner of my eye and I knew what she was looking at.

On each of my forearms, on the inside, is a set of tally marks. Seven on the inside of my right arm, twelve on my left. I groaned internally, knowing this was not a conversation to be had on what was supposed to be a happy night.

"Jas… What are—"

"How about we not discuss them tonight?" I cut her off. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye and she looked taken aback by my abruptness.

"What if I said no?"

I snorted. "Sweetie, you and I both know you won't win an argument with me." But her frown increased and I got a sense of knowing from her.

"Jas…"

"Sage, please don't make me put a damper on the night." I pleaded.

She sighed and turned to look out the window. "Fine."

I groaned out loud this time and reached over to take her hand in mine, rubbing slow, soothing circles along the back of her hand with my thumb. "Please don't be upset with me." I murmured. "This isn't a conversation to have right now."

Honestly, I'd forgotten about the tattoos. Had I remembered them, I'd have kept my sleeves down. I'd been lucky so far that she hadn't noticed them, but that was mostly due to my predominantly long-sleeved wardrobe.

"Since when do we have specific settings for specific conversations, Jazz?" she was still looking out the window. "Turn right on the next road."

Sighing, I squeezed her hand gently and placed it back in her lap. "Tomorrow, Sweetheart."

"Uh-huh."

"Sage…"

"It's fine." She sighed. "Pull in here."

I parked the car and ran around, but wasn't fast enough and she got out on her own, hiking up the skirt of her dress a couple inches off the ground.

"Aw, hell." I sighed. I wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her gently, balancing her against my hip as I walked us onto the sand. I set her down gently and she smiled appreciatively before turning and scanning the beach, finally settling on the bonfire a few hundred yards away.

We made our way over and I noticed three figures sitting around the bonfire, passing a large bottle back and forth. I immediately recognized the hulking forms of Seth and Jacob and was forced to assume that the shorter, stockier one was Paul.

"Pipsqueak!" Paul yelled, running to us and scooping Sage up bridal style and twirling her around. "I knew you'd come!"

"You didn't give me much of a—Paul, I'm gonna be sick!" Sage cried, slapping his shoulder.

He set her down gently, laughing, before turning to me and the smile fell off his face. "Who's the Pale Face?"

"This is Jasper." She sighed. "Jas, this is Paul Blackburn."

I held out my hand. "Pleasure."

He smirked and didn't shake my hand. "Yeah, not so much."

"Don't be a dick." Sage warned.

"Wouldn't have to be if you'd just let me—"

"Paul!" Seth called. His warning was more forceful.

He smirked. "Shall we?" he led us back to the fire and I immediately noticed a large shoebox crammed inside a clear plastic bag.

Sage made to sit down on one of the logs positioned around the fire, but I stopped her, sat down, and pulled her onto my lap. "Don't want to snag your dress." I said as an explanation. She nodded.

Jacob rubbed his hands together and pulled the box out of the bag. "Alrighty…" he yanked the top off and dug through it, frowning. "I don't think any of this is mine."

Sage quaked with silent laughter. "You didn't dig up Seth's porn collection did you? I buried it under the oak tree."

"_You_ did that? I thought that was my mom!" the boy cried.

"Yeah, well she helped… I was the one who snuck it out of your room… she's the one who told me where to bury it." She laughed harder, leaning back into my chest so that I vibrated with her laughter.

"No…" Jake replied, ignoring the side conversation. "This is our time capsule."

"Gimme that." Paul snarled, grabbing the box. He dug through for a few minutes and held up a CD. "Fall Out Boy CD?"

"Which album?" Seth asked.

Paul checked the cover. "Folie A Deux."

"Mine." Seth replied, catching it deftly as it was tossed to him.

"And… Infinity On High."

"Mine." Sage replied and she too caught the CD tossed to her.

Paul rooted around a bit more. "Picture of Bella." I expected that to be Sage.

"Mine." Jake chimed. Shock.

"And this is mine." Paul said, taking out a bobble head of a wolf. He rooted around some more and smiled wickedly as he pulled a battered black and white notebook from the depths of the box. "And I _wonder_ who's this—" he flipped it open to the first page and Sage flew out of my lap at warp speed.

"No! No, Paul!" he ducked around her and took off down the beach, waving the notebook over his head. "Paul, give it back now!"

He doubled back and ran full-tilt toward the fire circle, presumably to read a bit of whatever it was Sage had written all those years ago. As he passed me, I snatched the notebook and as Sage charged after him, I grabbed her about the waist and set her back on my lap, pressing the notebook into her hands.

"I've got ya." I whispered against her hair, giving Paul a smug smile as he scowled at me.

"Pale Face is no fun." He grumbled.

I chuckled. "Pale Face is lookin' out for his girl and doesn't really care what you think." I sighed. "Sweetie, I'm gonna have a smoke." She nodded but didn't move. "You gonna let me up?" she shook her head. "Have it your way. Hope to God I don't singe your dress."

"You won't." she replied easily. "Where's the rest, Paul? We each had three things in there." She added as I extracted a cigarette from my pocket and lit it.

Paul dug around a bit more and produced a battered old _Playboy_ with Pam Anderson on the cover. Jake claimed that. Then came a hockey puck, which Paul claimed.

Sage turned slightly and plucked the cigarette from my fingers, taking a quick drag, and handing it back, blowing the smoke out slowly.

"Since when do you…?"

"Only occasionally." She murmured. "Sometimes the buzz is nice."

Jake snorted. "You could just have some tequila, if you want a buzz."

"I don't want an alcohol buzz." She replied. Before I'd finished the cigarette she'd stolen another drag. Her left hand found its way to my right forearm and I watched as she traced the tallies, her brow furrowed.

"Who the hell put a tuning fork in?" Paul asked suddenly, breaking us both out of our trances.

"Me." Sage raised her hand.

"Fuckin' figures." He ground out, watching her fingers dance along my skin. Jealous. It was all over him. It covered him like a second skin.

They finished going through their stuff and then Sage and I bid them goodnight. We walked solemnly back up the beach and then I carried her back over the pavement to the car. As I climbed in, she sighed.

"Jazz?"

"Hmm?" I asked, starting the car.

"It's tomorrow."

I grimaced. "Sage…"

"You said tomorrow, you didn't say what time. It's three AM, it's been tomorrow for three hours now."

I smacked myself mentally; I should've known she'd pull that. I ground my teeth together for a minute and shifted the car into reverse, pulled out of the parking spot, and shifted it to drive. I had no intent of answering her, but I knew now that she wasn't going to let it drop.

I licked my lips and swallowed, stalling for time, but she watched me expectantly. I cleared my throat and shifted uncomfortably before finally conceding defeat. "The seven on the right are the number of times I've almost died in my lifetime." I watched out of the corner of my eye and saw her face was impassive. "The twelve on the left are the number of people I've killed."

At that, her eyes widened. "But you weren't Infantry." She whispered.

"No, no I wasn't—but Sweetie, you heard about the IED incident—there was a firefight. That's an _All Hands On Deck_ situation…" I was worried now. Just because she'd never judged me before didn't mean she wouldn't start now… and Sage was the one person I didn't think I could take it from.

Instead though, she nodded; accepting, processing. She was OK with it.

"Better them than you. I'd hate for you to be a tally on someone else's arm." She murmured quietly.

We were silent the rest of the way home. I carried her over the damp grass and up the porch steps; Emmett's Jeep was still gone and so was Charlie's cruiser. She let us in with her key and I smiled to myself as she immediately tugged the flowers out of her hair and pulled out the pins, letting it wave gently down her back.

_Beautiful_.

"Tired." She muttered, stretching as she headed to the kitchen for a glass of water.

"Yeah, it's been a long night… preceded by a long day." She nodded. "Sage?" she raised an eyebrow at me over her glass as she took a long pull. I was suddenly self-conscious and made a point to roll my sleeves down. "We OK?"

She set the glass down on the counter and moved into my arms, hugging me fiercely. "We're always OK, Jazz." She stood on her toes and kissed my cheek lightly. "Thanks for taking me to prom. It means a lot to me."

"It was my pleasure." I smiled down at her as she yawned.

"Alright. I'm headed for bed." She gave me one last hug, took her glass and time capsule stuff, and drifted off up the stairs. I stood stock still, listening as she moved from the bathroom to her bedroom and until she stopped moving altogether, before I began readying myself for bed.

_**End Note: I'll send you a teaser if you leave me a review! You know you want to!**_


	5. Strawberry Fields Forever

_**A/N: I don't own it.**_

_**A reminder that this story is rated M for adult content, language, and future lemons. **_

_**I love RemyKilday because she's my biggest FanGirl.**_

_**I worship at the altar of HammerHips' ass.**_

Chapter 4: Strawberry Fields Forever

_Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see._

_It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out._

_It doesn't matter much to me._

_Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields._

_Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about._

_Strawberry Fields forever_.

-"Strawberry Fields Forever" by The Beatles

_**Jasper POV**_

I felt bad for missing Sage's graduation, especially since she was her class Salutatorian and had to give a speech. I'd asked Rose to record it, but she and Emmett had ended up getting distracted and just not gone. I almost came through the phone at them, but Sage insisted she didn't mind and begged me not to make a big deal out of it.

The next few weeks passed in a blur and before I really got a handle on what was happening, we were moving our things into a spacious townhome just outside Oakland. Emmett and Rose had been loath to leave the Bay Area, but with the commute it would take for Sage and I to get to campus, it was simply easier for them to get jobs at a closer garage.

The upstairs consisted of a master bedroom and bathroom while the ground level housed the kitchen, living room, and a small office. Sage's and my rooms were in the basement, joined by a Jack'n'Jill bathroom. We had our own little sitting area near the stairs as well, so we'd purchased a TV, coffee table and couch to make our own living room.

The bathroom was Sage's favorite part. Unlike the master upstairs, our bathroom had a standalone shower and a large jetted soaker tub. There was a His and Hers vanity with sinks along the opposite wall, giving us quite a bit more luxury than Emmett and Rose. The deciding factor had been that neither of us wanted to share with Emmett and Rose… _slobs_. At least Sage and I could keep a clean bathroom between us.

Our first experience with sharing the bathroom, however, was one that had us both humiliated. We had agreed to lock the other person's door when we were in there… only to discover while Sage was in the shower that the lock on _my_ door didn't work.

"_Jasper_!" she screamed as I hightailed it back to my room, my hand over my eyes.

A moment later she joined me, dripping wet, eyes narrowed, clad only in her bath sheet. "_What_ did you see?" she demanded.

I shook my head. "Not a damn thing." I peeked between my fingers, resisted the urge to gulp, and closed them again.

"Then _why_ are you doing that?"

I felt my cheeks flame. "Because you're standing in my room… wet… naked but for a towel." I answered.

That got her attention. I heard a tiny squeak and she was slamming my bathroom door. "Do _not_ come in!" she yelled.

I'd replaced the lock on my door and we'd invested in a screen for the shower door as well as a shower curtain and rod to go in front of the tub. Just. In. Case.

Then one day in the middle of July I came home to find Fall Out Boy blasting as loud as the iPod allowed, while Sage stood in the middle of her room with tarps thrown over the furniture. She was dressed in a pair of gray track shorts and a matching gray tank top, completely barefoot, with her hair piled into a messy bun on top of her head, and her black rimmed glasses on.

_Must be a bad fuckin' day if she doesn't care about the contacts_.

She was holding a clean paintbrush in one hand, a roller in the other, and she was staring at the wall.

I knocked, but she didn't hear me. I sighed and yelled, "This a private party?" she simply jiggled the paintbrush in the air and I took that as a _come in_. I hit the _Pause_ and she huffed. "What'd he do now?"

"He thinks if I want to paint my room, I should paint it whatever color he wants it."

"And what'd you tell him?"

"That he's not paying my eight-hundred dollar portion of the rent, so I'll paint it whatever damn color I please. What do you think?" she motioned at the wall where she'd taped up several samples, including an electric blue, a hot pink, and a very nearly black shade. "I kinda like the blue."

"Blue's good."

"But the pink would probably piss Emmett off more."

I smirked. "Sage, you have to live in this room. You really wanna walk in here feelin' like Barbie and Skipper are gonna jump outta the closet and bludgeon you to death?" I asked.

"True." She replied wistfully.

Sighing, I put a hand on her hip and moved her to sit on the bed. I knelt in front of her and said, "You need to pick a color that you can live with, one that suits your fancy. If you pick based on what'll piss Emmett off, you may be glad for a while, but you may end up hating the color, and knowing you, you'll refuse to change it on principle. but you'll still hate the color."

Her eyes narrowed as she considered me. "I really like that purple." She nodded to a midnight purple sample card.

"Purple's good."

We drove out to the hardware store and got the paint mixed. We still had a few hours until Emmett and Rose got home, but it would be better to have the paint already drying and deal with the aftershock than have it going up when they arrived.

We got the paint poured into the trays and I smiled and stood, heading for my room, calling over my shoulder, "Let me change and I'll help you." I dug through my drawers and found a pair of black sweatpants and an old gray Army shirt. "So you wanna hear something crazy?" I yelled as she started shuffling her furniture away from the walls.

"Crazy's my middle name!" she called back.

I smiled. "I've got a date tomorrow night." The shuffling stopped and I could tell she was processing. It started up again a moment later.

"Anyone I know?"

"Doubt it. I met her in the library." I answered, walking through the bathroom to get back to her room. "She seems really sweet. Name's Maria. She's part Mexican, very exotic."

"Typical." She scoffed, shifting her bed further from the wall.

"What's typical?"

"Exotic… just another way of saying _really fucking hot_. It's OK, Jas, I've heard it all before. Go ahead and say it. Maria is _really fucking hot_."

I shrugged. "She's pretty."

"What were you doing in the library anyhow? Classes don't even start 'til next month."

"I was lookin' for a book." She raised an eyebrow at me. "I was bored! I had time to kill before my interview. We can't all edit term papers from the comfort of our laptop."

She smirked at my description of her job. When Bella had left for college, she'd begun handing out personalized business cards for Sage as an editor. She charged ten dollars a page, per edit, so if she read through a ten-page paper three times, she made three hundred dollars… and she had a _lot_ of clients. Emmett and Rose had handed out a few cards here and there and Sage had been all over the Berkeley campus putting up flyers on all the bulletin boards. Her income was set, there was no way someone wouldn't want her services.

"You make it sound easy. I do actually have to work, you know? Do you have any idea how many college students don't know the difference between _then_ and _than_? And don't even get me started on the _there's_. It's the stupidest mistakes that cost the points."

"Don't complain, you know you love it." I growled playfully as I finished shifting her bed away from the wall. She shrugged.

"It's one of those things to keep Emmett at bay." She sighed and we dipped our rollers into the tray. "I think I want to major in Journalism." She waited until her back was to me, painting the far wall.

_Odd_.

_She's never had reason to not want to look at me as she said something to me._

I swallowed my pride and hurt feelings and nodded, starting on my own wall. "I can see that."

We worked as quickly as possible, me making it to my second wall before she did. I grinned mischievously and reached out with my roller, pressing the wet spongy material against her upper arm.

"JASPER!" she cried in shock, whacking my arm.

I grinned. "What? You look good in purple."

"But these walls sure don't."

I groaned internally. Emmett had to pick _today_ of all days to come home early.

"What are you doing home, Em?" Sage asked airily, completely ignoring his seething presence and continuing her task.

"Dropped by to change clothes and grab some dinner for Rosie. She's stuck on an engine rebuild." I watched him watch Sage. He was angry. Positively shaking from it. "She tell you we were fighting about this already?" I nodded. "So you fucking go out and get her the paint?"

"No." I shook my head. "She bought the paint with her own money."

"And that makes it OK!"

"It does in my book; she works hard for her money, she pays her own rent for her own room. It's her space and she has to live in it. She may as well enjoy it." I wasn't backing down.

Sage has always had a nervous tick about her personal space. It has to be her own, meaning that she has to personalize, gut it, rip it to shreds and tape it back together in a different pattern, _hers_. Emmett knew this. He also knew that she demanded privacy in her space. Knock and wait to be let in, don't come in unannounced unless invited. She needed her room to be her sanctuary from Emmett.

And he was standing in the doorway hovering in her space, about to put a knife through the goddamn creativity.

"Paint it back."

"No." Sage hadn't even bothered to stop painting, but her answer was quick enough to warrant a death glare.

"Paint. It. _Back_."

I slapped my palm against a patch of unpainted wall and saw Sage jump out of the corner of my eye. "Dammit, Emmett! It's fucking four walls! You're not parading guests through her room and it's her fucking space! Let her have her goddamn purple walls!"

Emmett exhaled heavily and drew himself up to his full height, as though that would scare me.

Emmett may be much bigger, but we both know I'm the better fighter.

I didn't once break eye contact with him and eventually, he stormed off.

"You didn't need to do that, Jas." She murmured quietly, still painting the wall. "What was he gonna do? Come in behind me and paint over it? I lock my door."

"I know, Sweetie, but he needs to know that it's not gonna matter in five years or five minutes if your walls are purple." She nodded and I watched her carefully as she continued on with the task. "Sage… we OK?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't we be?"

I felt my eyebrow go up of its own volition. "You haven't looked at me once since we started painting."

She shrugged. "I'm just kinda tired and out of it. Just want to get this done so it can get to drying."

I felt my cheeks flame in anger. "Bullshit." I spat.

"Don't worry about it, Jas." I growled lowly, but continued painting. She sighed, seeming to cave under my frustration. "I'm just tired of always arguing with him. It wouldn't be this way if he'd just let me move into the dorms."

I nodded, even though she wasn't watching me. "I know, Sweetheart. But you have me… if you were in the dorms, I wouldn't be there."

"True. You're the one saving grace this place has." She huffed and shook her head, her precariously placed bun bobbing off to the side of her head. "You know… he yelled at me yesterday because I had Teddy Grahams for breakfast."

I rolled my eyes. Sage had a love of chocolate Teddy Grahams akin to my love of Double Stufs… as in: Don't fuckin' touch 'em. She didn't like to eat them plain though; she poured milk on them and ate them like cereal. I'd seen her do it quite often, though never when Emmett was around, and I'd read the back of the box. They had pretty much the same nutritional value as the Cocoa Puffs he stuffed himself silly with, so I don't really know what he was bitching about. At least her Teddy Grahams had Iron and Zinc.

"So tell me about _Maria_."

I groaned internally. "She's pretty… she's a Biology Major… Sophomore." I added. "She's in the Army Reserves… so of course we kinda… clicked." Sage nodded. "She seems really nice."

"Cool." She finished her wall and moved to the one opposite the one I was working on. "As long as she treats you right." There was a warning tone to her voice I'd never heard before and as I repeated her words in my head, I realized it kind of unnerved me. Sage was just as protective of me as I was of her and I had no doubt she'd pull an Emmett and kick some ass if she had to.

I chuckled at the thought and continued. "Her long-term master plan is to create a super-solider."

Sage paused, considering. "That's a little unnerving."

"I thought it was kinda funny… An Army of like… ten super-soldiers taking down an army of thousands."

"Yeah, unnerving. And very slightly creepy, but if you're into that." She visibly shuddered. "I like my soldiers homegrown and old fashioned." She muttered and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to have heard it.

The truth of the matter was that, in all honesty, I hadn't realized how much I _cared_ about Sage, how much I'd _missed_ her, until I got back. Knowing that she thought of me only as a friend toughened my determination to be that for her. And what better way than to jump back into dating?

Maria wasn't Sage, not by a long shot. She was brash and outspoken and she didn't care whose feelings she hurt if she was making a point. But she was nice and she seemed genuinely interested in me, so I was willing to overlook those things. It had been a long time since a woman had expressed a genuine interest in me and it was flattering.

When we finally finished her room, it was nearing eight o'clock. Emmett and Rose still weren't home so I suggested Chinese, which Sage heartily agreed to.

We had a system. Beef in green curry sauce, Sweet'n'Sour soup, two egg rolls, and an order of crab rangoons. Yes, it was a lot, but we always split the beef curry because the entrée was too big and there were still always leftovers.

We ate in silence in front of the TV as Sage flipped through the channel guide. We always bypassed all the stupid shit like _Family Guy _and _Simpsons_ and went straight for the movie channels. It was quality time with the real living room we rarely got, and even more rare quality time with the flat-screen, so we had to make the most of it.

"Casablanca?" I asked, pointing a chopstick at the screen.

"Nah… It always pisses me off. Sure, he loved her enough to let her go, but in the end, he was still unhappy. And I like Bogey." She flipped through a few more channels. "Oooh! _McLintock_!" she cried, pointing at the name.

"John Wayne?" I asked incredulously.

"You _cannot_ go wrong with The Duke. Seriously, please tell me that your Good Ole Texas Boy routine extends to The Duke or I may have to disown you here and now."

I shook my head and grinned. "I like John Wayne." I motioned for her to put it on and we watched in silence, eating and mouthing the words of one of The Duke's lesser-known roles.

When the movie was over we went back downstairs and began removing the tarps, impressed with our superior painting skills. Sage had considered painting the inside of the door as well, but was afraid she might lose it altogether with such a dark shade. I suggested maybe adding another color or two and she agreed, resolving to consider a whole color scheme.

My date with Maria the next evening went well, all things considered. It had been a long time since I'd been on a date, so we'd started slow with dinner and a movie. It was nice… holding hands, talking about books we'd read, deployments, battle strategies… Maria was very Military-oriented. She only ever dated soldiers.

Sage was asleep when I got home, which was disappointing. I'd wanted to tell her about it, but I supposed with all the fighting with Emmett, it might be best that she went to bed early.

The next morning she was at the breakfast bar with her Teddy Grahams and milk, waiting for me. Unfortunately, Emmett had the day off for a doctor's appointment and a few other things. He kept reminding Sage that she needed to get to the _doctors_ too… Plural. _WTF_?

At one point, he peered over her shoulder into her bowl and a low growl erupted from his chest. "_Why_ do I see bears in the bowl?" he asked pointedly.

Sage considered him a moment while she licked the Teddy-mush off her spoon. "Because their ship, the SS Teddy sank? It was a rough crossing. You know how milk can be." There was that mischievous glint I loved so much.

"Here." I said and I tossed a small handful of Cheerios into her bowl. "Life Preservers… see how many you can save."

"I think I only have a Rose left. Looks like Jack sank a while ago… I think he let go." She laughed and Emmett growled and stomped out of the house. She sighed at that and smiled before putting another spoonful of Teddies in her mouth.

I cleared my throat nervously. "So… Doctors?" she eyed me carefully out of the corner of her eye. "Everything OK? "

"Always." She replied around the spoon, as though if she took it out she'd have to give a real answer. She seemed to notice my worry though, and removed the spoon before replying, "Just routine checkups. Nothing to worry about." I still didn't buy it and my face obviously said so. "Jazz… _Girl_ doctor… _Female_ stuff." I blushed and she nodded. "Thanks. Let's leave it alone now."

_**Sage POV**_

I hated lying to Jasper, I really did. Well… I didn't tell him the whole truth. I did need to get to the Gynecologist for my yearly screening. Since my mom died of Ovarian Cancer, they took extra steps with me in the event I developed the disease.

But I had other doctors to visit.

An aunt on our father's side had died of Adrenal Cancer. Emmett and I got full scans every year. That's where he had been headed that morning.

I also had another visit to make. One I was looking forward to even less than the first two.

I'd never told Jasper that I'd suffered from a rough bout of depression a few years previously. It wasn't something I was proud of, though I knew I had no reason to be ashamed. Emmett was constantly on the lookout for the signs that it was returning, which only made me feel like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. It also made me feel as though something were truly wrong with me.

The fact of the matter was that compounding my feelings of loss over my parents along with my sense of abandonment by my father, Emmett's overbearing attitude, and the feeling of loneliness that was only ever abated by Jasper, it was all a perfect cocktail for depression.

I had been alone and scared and Emmett had felt that telling me what to do was better than asking me what I needed. My Psychiatrist had put me on meds for about a year, but they made it hard to concentrate and when Jasper was deployed, we agreed that I needed to deal with my issues naturally. With Emmett out of the house, I slowly brought my head above water and the air was clear.

But Emmett felt that I could slip at any time.

Make no mistake here, I hadn't tried to slit my wrists with a plastic knife or hang myself by my shoelaces. I was just… sad. I wanted to sleep; I didn't feel like eating, and when I did, it was soup. I was a zombie. And I know he was worried, but he also seemed ashamed of it. He rarely brought Rose home for a while because he didn't want her to see me. I doubt he actually told her. I made him swear not to tell Jasper; with him being deployed, I hadn't wanted him worried about me back home when his mind needed to be on the mission overseas. A slip-up could've gotten him killed. At least Emmett had understood that.

And I knew Emmett wanted what was best for me; _that_ was always painfully obvious. The one thing he wouldn't compromise on was my seeing a Therapist every few months for "Spring Cleaning". With graduation, the move, and college starting soon, Emmett wanted me established with a new Therapist as soon as possible, especially since I hadn't seen one since just after the New Year.

I sighed and stared at my complete mish-mash mush of Cheerios and chocolate bears. "So how was your date?"

"Good. Fun." He smiled at me and added more milk to his cereal. "She's… very driven. And picky. She only dates soldiers."

"Wow… slim pickin's. What's she doing here then? Not like there's a base here."

He shrugged. "Good science program, and you know there's always a soldier using his GI Bill somewhere."

I nodded. It was true. "So you're gonna see her again?"

"I think so, yeah. She's feisty. I think you'll like her."

"I'm sure I will." I smiled at him and then stretched and moved to dump the rest of my mush in the sink and rinse the bowl. "I have a zillion things to do today." I groaned.

"What about your door?"

I smirked. "I'm gonna do all the edging in that electric blue… including the door frame… and then I'm gonna paint the door the hot pink except for the inner rectangles… those'll be purple."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Trippy."

"I suppose if I wanted to scare Emmett I could always paint a strawberry on the outside of my door or maybe write _Helter Skelter_." I giggled.

Jasper rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Don't do that. Please, don't do that. I don't think even I can back that one up."

"No good?" he shook his head. "Poor taste?" he nodded. "Damn." I shrugged and padded off to my room. "What about you?" I yelled over my shoulder.

"More interviews! I need to find a fuckin' job. Rose can't pay my rent forever."

I snickered. Rose had insisted he move in and she would pay his first few months rent. Really, you don't look a gift horse in the mouth, but still. She owned him… At least for a while.

"What about you?" he groaned, leaning in my doorway as I dug around for a pair of jeans and a shirt in my drawers.

"School shopping. I signed up for all my classes yesterday, so I need to get my books before the big rush. Plus, I need new clothes." I frowned as I pulled out a pair of jeans with a deep gash just below the left back pocket. "Because God knows Emmett would freak if I flashed a little cheek." I smirked. "It's too bad, I liked those jeans. They made my ass look amazing."

Jasper rolled his eyes, but his cheeks pinked a little. "If you can hold off on the mall, I need to pick up a few things too."

I quirked an eyebrow. "You're offering to go shopping with me?"

"Why not?"

I shrugged. "No one's ever offered before."

It was the truth. The only interest shopping with me had held for Rose was prom. Bella loathed shopping with a fiery passion. I wasn't close to any other females who enjoyed shopping.

He smiled and held out a hand, so I took it and stepped into his arms. "You keep forgetting I'm here now." He sighed. "I will _always_ take care of you."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, pulling away. "Don't let me screw up your burgeoning relationship, Jas." He looked hurt, but I continued. "Girls don't take kindly to the _other_ woman, even if she's just a friend." I went back to my dresser and continued digging, but he didn't move.

He just stared at me for what seemed like an eternity before saying, rather forcefully, "You always come first." And then he disappeared into his room.

_**End Note: If you push that button and leave some love, I send a teaser.**_


	6. Airplanes

_**A/N: The only character I own is Sage. All others belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**A reminder that this story is rated M for adult themes, situations, language, and future lemons. 18+ years of age only.**_

_**Thank you to RemyKilday for pre-reading.**_

_**I worship at the altar of HammerHips' ass.**_

Chapter 5: Airplanes

_Can we pretend that airplanes_

_In the night sky_

_Are like shooting stars_

_I could really use a wish right now_

_Wish right now, wish right now_

-"Airplanes" by B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams

_**Sage POV**_

My new Therapist was a big surprise. She was about as tall as I am, brown-skinned, with long, lustrous black hair: Carmen Catalan. And surprisingly, she'd actually read through my file and all the notes from my previous Therapist.

She greeted me by name and proceeded to jump straight in, which granted, I wasn't used to, but I dealt with it. By our third session, however, things were starting to get a bit hairy.

"Why haven't you told Jasper about your depression?"

My eyes went wide. "Uh…" I swallowed, thinking. "I… guess because Jasper's always been the one who sees me. I like the way he sees me. I don't want to change it." I stared at my hands. "That's stupid, isn't it?"

"No, it's not stupid, it's a rational response. You don't want to alter how he treats you."

I sighed. "Jasper's the constant. Even when he was in Texas, or Virginia, or even in Iraq, he was always the constant. Emmett was always distracted with other things—you know, I don't think to this day he's ever once heard me play the guitar. And I get that he and Rose are in a relationship—and I like Rose—but…" I made a squeezing motion with my hands as though I were strangling an invisible neck. "I wish Em would take the time to actually get to know me." I finished lamely. It didn't have quite the punch I'd hoped for, but the delivery was accurate.

Carmen shifted in her seat, making a few notes. "Would you say Jasper fills that void?"

I had to think about that for a moment. "No." I said after several minutes. "Jasper isn't a fill-in. He's doesn't act like a brother… He's my best friend. I trust him completely. I tell him my fears, my secrets—"

"Except you haven't told him about your depression."

"But it's under control. I've handled it."

Carmen put her pen down and leaned forward. "Your depression has helped to shape you as a person: it's part of who you are. Don't you think you might be doing Jasper a disservice by not being completely honest with him?" I didn't answer so she switched tack. "How are things with Emmett?"

Internally, I was rolling my eyes. "He finally gave up on getting my walls back to beige. I think Rose might've talked to him." I sighed, suddenly self-conscious. "I don't really know how to talk to him about anything."

"What about your father?"

"I don't have any communication with my father."

"No, I mean do you talk to Emmett about him?"

"Emmett always says that dad's dead."

She raised an eyebrow. "Does Jasper know about your father?"

"No." I huffed. "And Emmett would kill me if I told him, because I'm pretty sure Rose doesn't know either."

The buzzer dinged, signaling the end of the session and Carmen smiled. "Good work today, Sage. I'd like you to think some about telling Jasper about your depression… and I'd like you to work on opening a line of communication with Emmett. About anything. We'll discuss it next week."

I nodded and exited the office.

Tell Jasper about my depression?

_Shit_.

Open a line of communication with Emmett?

_Double shit_.

Why didn't she just tell me to invent non-melting ice cream or a male form of birth control?

My drive home took over an hour because of the rush hour traffic, and I made a mental note to schedule my appointments for the middle of the day from there on out. Compounding my problem was the need to double-back after I got a text from Jasper.

_**Mall? Need an opinion.**_

Ugh.

_Triple shit_.

By the time I found a parking space in the mall parking garage and got inside, it was past seven. I pulled out my phone and quickly shot Jasper a text.

_**Inside now. Where R U?**_

A moment later, his reply came.

_**Abercrombie**_

Gag me. With a spoon.

And of course he was in the end of the mall furthest from my starting point. I speed-walked all the way there, resisting the urge to swear at people who wouldn't get out of my way or were moving too slow. I wanted to get home before Emmett so I had an excuse to hide from him.

When I finally found Jasper, I wasn't sure what to make of what was in front of me. He'd cut his hair back to the crew cut. Ew. And he seemed to be attempting to pick out clothes with a more pressed, regimented tack of someone who still wished he was in the military.

_Odd_.

And he was frantic. The Jasper I knew was _never_ frantic.

"Everything OK?" I asked as I plopped down on the bench in front of him.

"What do you think? Stonewash? Darkwash?"

"What are we going for?"

He pulled a face. "A civvies version of a soldier." He finally grumbled after a moment.

I felt my eyes go wide. "Seriously?" he nodded. "I think you're asking the wrong girl, Jas. If Maria wants you to dress the part, maybe you should just wear your 'tigues."

He rolled his eyes. "I can't wear the BDU's all the time. People'll think I'm nuts or something."

I laughed at that and said, "I think the ship's sailed." Earning me a very dirty look, I quieted immediately. "Look, I'm sorry, I just don't see what's wrong with your Wranglers, Levi's, and your T-shirts. Maybe I have no taste, but that stuff all seems fine to me."

Jasper sighed and sat down next to me, tossing the clothes on the floor in a heap. "I really like her."

"I know you do." I replied.

"She's coming for dinner tomorrow night…"

My eyes went wide again and I thought they might fall out of my head. "Wow." Was all I could come up with as a response.

"Yeah… And it's kind of a big thing… With classes starting next week and Emmett and Rose getting busier, it just seems like the best time to introduce everyone before life gets in the way."

I nodded. "Makes sense." I poked at the pile of clothes with my pink hightopped foot. "But seriously? I'm sure Maria likes you just fine without all this. Just… I don't know, wear more of those gray Army shirts or something… Occasionally wear the BDU's." he bumped his shoulder with mine. "You're a catch, Jazz. If she doesn't see that, you don't need her anyhow."

He gave me a half-smile, wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and squeezed. "You're good for the ego, you know that?"

"That's what I'm here for… now can we please go? I just wanna hide out from Emmett tonight."

He nodded, but frowned as he stood. "Why do you want to hide from Emmett?" he asked as we headed back toward the parking garage.

I shrugged. "Just… Kinda craving a quiet night. Not really interested in another Teddy-Gate or Symposium on the Evils of Purple Walls."

"Aw, Jesus, is he still giving you shit?"

"No." I insisted. I didn't want Jasper picking a fight on my behalf. "I just have this feeling we'll get into it, you know? I just want some quiet for a night."

Jasper nodded, his eyes far away. "Hey," he stopped suddenly and I turned to him. "Will you do something for me?"

I quirked an eyebrow. "Sure…" I replied hesitantly. He smiled, grabbed my arm, and hauled me off toward the photo booth across the way. "Jasper, what are you doing?"

"Most of the pictures you sent never had you in them." I made to protest, but he kept pulling. "And we have no pictures of us together aside from your prom night, do you realize that?"

I groaned and let him pull me the rest of the way into the booth. He pulled me onto his lap and I fed some money into the machine. We smiled and made funny faces and laughed at ourselves and each other, and then climbed out and waited the five minutes for the film to develop.

Carefully, I split the pictures—two and two—and handed Jasper one set.

"See? That wasn't so bad… I can't believe I've been back four months and I didn't get that done sooner."

"I can't believe I let you do it in the first place." I grumbled and immediately regretted it as I saw the hurt in his eyes. "It's not you, Jas. I just… I'm not big on having my picture taken."

He gave me a sad smile. "I know… but I thought maybe because it was _me_…" he trailed off.

"Hey," I nudged him as his face fell. "I wouldn't have done it for anyone else." He smiled at that.

When I got home that night, Emmett and Rose were already home.

_There goes my brilliant plan. Damn Jas and his fashion crisis._

I didn't mean that. But dammit if I wasn't disappointed that it would be harder to hide from Emmett.

As soon as we walked through the doorway, Emmett was asking me how my day was, yelling over the blaring gunfight that was playing out on the television from his favorite action movie. I just… I couldn't.

"Em… I have a headache, I'm just gonna go to bed, OK?" he nodded and I turned, shooting Jasper a look as he shot me one. I didn't normally lie, but it seemed I was doing a hell of a lot of it recently.

I had to roll my eyes as I walked into my room and realized I could _still_ hear the TV. No sooner had I closed my door, than Jasper came through the bathroom and knocked.

_Dammit_.

I opened it and let him in; he stared at me for the longest time before finally taking a deep breath and saying, "You don't have a headache."

"And?" I tried to laugh it off, moving to my desk and booting up my laptop.

"So normally, if you don't want to talk to Emmett, you just tell him or you disappear… Why the lie?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, seemed like the right thing to do."

"Sage, you're getting really weird on me. What's up?"

"I'm just fucking tired, Jazz. Alright?" I snapped.

His eyes narrowed and he actually glared at me. "Now you're lying to _me_." I couldn't meet his gaze and he took that as affirmation. "Sage, _what_ is going on with you?"

"Nothing."

He inhaled sharply and I knew I'd just crossed a line. "You… have been off for _weeks_. You barely speak, and if you do I feel like I'm pulling teeth. You don't start a conversation, you barely smile, you're just… I don't know..." he growled in frustration. "You're not my friend. You're some… Pod Person Sage, but it's not _my_ Sage." He huffed again, as though trying to calm down. "Just tell me what's wrong."

"I can't."

He slammed his palm against the surface of my dresser and I jumped at the sound. "Try. Again."

"Jas, stop it." He slammed his palm again and again I jumped. I couldn't stop it: a sob ripped through my chest and I covered my mouth to stifle it. Before I knew what was happening, I felt strong arms wrap around me and pulling me backwards until Jasper was cradling me in his lap.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I'm so sorry." I tried to pull away but he held me tighter. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Please just tell me what's wrong. Please. I can't not know. I can't sit here and do nothing when I know something's wrong."

I shook my head. "I can't. Not now." He inhaled sharply, but hugged me tighter. "I will soon… I just… not now." I sobbed.

And then he was pulling my chin up so that I would meet his eyes. "You _know_ you can tell me anything." I nodded. "OK." He sounded so defeated and I hated myself for making him feel that way. He sighed. "Don't make me wait too long, Sweetheart. Please don't make me worry too much more." I nodded and slid off his lap. He stood and hugged me fiercely before bidding me goodnight and retreating to his own room.

I sighed. There was nothing for it. I turned my laptop back off and got ready for bed.

Dinner with Maria the next night was… interesting. She didn't ask a lot of questions and she chose which ones of ours she answered. It made me feel like she was hiding something and I could tell Rose didn't care for her either.

When Jasper left to take her home and Rose drifted off upstairs to put laundry away, I sighed; it was time. Emmett was sitting on the couch in front of the TV, mindlessly flipping through channels. I sat down on the other end of the couch and stared at him for a while.

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, but kept flipping. After about five minutes, he finally said, "Something on your mind, Sage?"

I swallowed. "Em… I'm supposed to…" I trailed off for moment.

Emmett switched the TV off and leaned back, placing his hands behind his head. "This got something to do with Therapy? Because you know the agreement and I'm—"

I held up a hand. "I'm OK with Carmen." He relaxed and I sighed. "I'm… supposed to try to open up a line of communication with you." I blushed a bit. "That's my assignment this week." He blinked, but sat forward.

"OK." He made a motion with his hand for me to continue.

Taking a deep breath, I said, "I-wanna-talk-to-you-about-my-depression." So quickly that he raised an eyebrow at me. I repeated it slower. "I want to talk to you about my depression."

Emmett's eyes widened and then he nodded. "OK… shoot."

I sucked in a hard breath. "I… I need to know if you're ashamed of me. Because of it."

"Of course not!" he cried out, turning to face me. "Sage, of course not."

"Then why do you act like I'm going to relapse at the drop of a hat?" he was silent. "Emmy, you remember Doctor Caius saying that it was Clinical… and that with treatment there was no reason I wouldn't get better?"

He swallowed. "So what are you saying, Sagey?"

"I'm saying that I need you to back off—like when I feel like eating soup for lunch—it doesn't always mean I'm relapsing—or when I'm tired—maybe it's because I'm stressed out and overworked." I watched him carefully for a reaction that never came.

Finally, he sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. "I worry about you."

"I know."

"You're my baby sister."

"I know."

"I'm supposed to take care of you."

"And you always have… but when you treat me like I could relapse at any time, it makes me feel like that's what you expect of me… Like there's something wrong with me." I couldn't stop the tears. They'd welled up and spilled down my cheeks before I even knew I was close to crying. "I don't want there to be something wrong with me, Emmy."

He shook his head and pulled me into a hug. "There's not. There's nothing wrong with you, Sage. I'm sorry I've made you feel that way."

The front door opened and Jasper's combat booted footfalls echoed along the entry. "Everything OK?" he asked when he saw my tearstained cheeks over Emmett's shoulder.

I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes, willing myself to stop crying. "Fine." I half-choked. "I'm fine." I gave Emmett a smile and stood up, heading immediately for the basement door. Jasper watched me carefully until I passed him and I heard him approach Emmett as I was going down the stairs.

I locked myself in my room and started dressing for bed in a pair of old track shorts and a ribbed tank top. As I moved to the bathroom to brush my teeth, Jasper entered from his room to do the same.

"So what'd you think of Maria?" he asked hesitantly.

I shrugged. "Seems nice." I lied around my toothbrush. She'd actually come off as brash and condescending, but hey, I'd never known any of Jasper's girlfriends so I didn't know if that was his type.

He gave me a half-smile and watched me carefully. "Wanna talk about it?"

The blood immediately rushed to my cheeks and I spit, filled my plastic cup, and rinsed my mouth before saying, "Talk about what?"

He shot me a look in the mirror, spit and replied, "Whatever's got you in tears and Emmett on edge." And then his eyes narrowed. "Don't bullshit me and tell me it's nothing, Sage. You wouldn't be red as a tomato right now if I were wrong."

I sighed.

_Should I_?

_Could I_?

_Did I want to_?

The answer to the last one was a definite _no_.

_Did I need to_?

Possibly.

I turned on my heel and headed back into my room, leaving the door open so he'd know it was OK to come in. He finished brushing his teeth and then made his way into my room, sitting down on the edge of my bed near the foot as I played with the tag on my comforter.

I couldn't meet his eyes; I was about to tell him that I'd withheld information, pieces about my wellbeing, from him. He was going to be upset.

"There's… something I haven't told you, Jas." I mumbled and I felt, rather than saw, him stiffen. "But… my _Therapist_ thinks I should." I glanced up quickly to see his eyebrows disappearing into his hairline.

"Your… Therapist?" I nodded. "Since when do you see a Therapist?"

My head ducked on its own. "Off and on for the past couple years… before that, regularly for about two years." I looked up again. He was blinking rapidly and I could tell he was processing and doing the math.

"While I was deployed?" his voice was suddenly hoarse and I knew where his train of thought was going.

"It's not _because_ you were deployed…"

"Then why?"

I huffed and drew my knees to my chest, setting my chin on them. "I… was suffering from Clinical Depression for a while." I swallowed. "There's… just a lot of shit that I couldn't deal with…" his brow was furrowed. "Uncle Charlie thought a Therapist might help, but they said I needed medication so I saw a Psychiatrist for a while and he put me on an anti-depressant."

"But you're not on it anymore…" it was a statement. Surely, he'd have noticed if I was taking pills.

I shook my head. "No… you'd been deployed about a month when he realized the medication was keeping me from fully absorbing what was going on… so we agreed that I should wean off it and begin to deal without chemical help." Jasper looked as though I'd slapped him. "My last regular therapy session was about a year later…"

He closed his eyes and I could tell he was doing his best to not yell at me. "Why… didn't you tell me?" he hadn't meant it to, but it came out as a growl.

"Because I didn't want you to treat me like I was sick…" I mumbled into my knees. The tears were there again, running like rivers down my cheeks. "I didn't want you to worry while you were deployed."

He made a sudden gesture with his hand like he was slicing the air and I winced, but then he was standing, pacing in front of the bed. "You were pissed at _me_ for not telling you about the IED!" he cried.

"That was life-threatening."

"So's depression!"

"It was Clinical, Jasper. People can overcome Clinical. It's not a chemical imbalance in the brain."

"Sage! You fuckin' told me everything was fine—there was nothing to worry about—and you fuckin' _lied_ to me! To _me_!" he yelled and I winced again, curling in on myself. "Is this what you wouldn't talk to me about? Is this why you've been such a space case?" I nodded miserably. He took a deep, measured breath and let it out slowly. "So why tell me now?"

"Because my Therapist thinks that I should… that I should trust you not to look at me the way you're looking at me right now." His eyes widened as I said that, then his expression softened. "I didn't want your head in the wrong place while you were overseas, Jas. And I didn't want you to see me differently because I had a rough go."

Jasper looked like he might punch something. I'd never seen him so angry. But eventually, he calmed and sat back down, closer than before, so that he could put an arm around my shoulders. He rested his chin on the top of my head and pulled me to his chest.

"I would never look at you differently…" he murmured into my hair. "And I understand you wanting my head on my job and not worrying about you…" he pulled away I looked up at him warily. "But don't you _ever_ lie about something like this again." His voice was dangerous now, but I knew he wouldn't hurt me. "Not to me." I nodded. "Swear to me."

"I swear, Jazz."

_**Jasper POV**_

I was really fucking pissed at Sage for keeping her depression a secret from me, even though I knew her intentions were the best. In truth, the rational part of my mind knew that it was right of her not to tell me anything while I was deployed, but I'd been home since mid-April and she'd waited until mid-August to tell me. _That_ was what pissed me off.

But I had to swallow it; build a bridge and fucking get over it because she needed me to understand and I would do anything for her. She needed me to understand now more than ever because I'd somehow made her feel that I _wouldn't_ understand. I couldn't help feeling as though I'd somehow failed as her friend because of that, and I couldn't bear the thought of failing her at all.

I continued to see Maria almost every night, even as school started and classes ramped up. Sage was locked in her room most nights with Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, and Tchaikovsky playing as she studied and edited papers and assignments for students between Berkeley and U of A.

She wasn't talking much to anyone, not just me, but Emmett had gone with her to therapy one day and they'd both come home too furious to do more than to retreat to their rooms for the evening. Emmett had refused to even speak to Rose on the issue and I'd been forced to go out in the middle of the night to buy earplugs because _This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race_ was on repeat at the highest decibel.

The next night was Friday, and Emmett and Rose decided to drive down to Half Moon Bay for the weekend. Sage had been locked in her room since before I got home, though there was no sound coming from it. I assumed she was either asleep or too engrossed in what she was doing to want music.

By midnight, I decided I needed dinner and headed up to the kitchen to fix myself a sandwich as quietly as possible. To my knowledge, she didn't even have a clue I was in the house. Maybe it was better that way.

I was just putting the finishing touches on my BLT when the basement door opened and Sage padded past the kitchen, not even noticing that I was there. I stuck my head out the doorway and watched her open the sliding glass door, step out onto the back porch, and lean against the railing. There was a brief flash of light and then a puff of smoke.

_Oh, Christ_.

I sighed and headed out onto the porch, leaning against the doorframe. "Please tell me that is _not_ a joint." She held up a pack of Marlboro Lights for me to see, but otherwise made no move to acknowledge me. "Can I bum one, at least?"

"Don't see why not. Stole 'em from your stash." She murmured, holding the pack and lighter out to me.

I smirked. "When did you find my stash?"

"When I went looking for band aids and anti-bac under the sinks." She half-choked as she exhaled a large puff of smoke.

I sighed and leaned against the railing beside her. "You wanna talk about it?" she was silent. "You've been hiding out a lot, Sage."

"Been working." She replied, and I knew she was being honest.

"Everything alright with you and Emmett?"

She didn't answer, instead looking up at the sky as an airplane passed overhead.

She sighed. "You know that song _Airplanes_ by B.O.B.?" I nodded. "Think we could do that right now? Pretend it's a shooting star?" I almost smiled until I saw the lone tear streaking its way down her cheek. "I could really use a wish right now."

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself in check; I didn't want to go off about Emmett without provocation. Instead, I reached over and began rubbing circles on her back. She drew in a shaking breath, flicked the ash off the end of her cigarette, and took another drag.

"Carmen wanted to do a _family_ session to see if we could work out some of my issues with Emmett." She mumbled. "It didn't go so hot." I groaned internally at that. "He didn't want to listen to anything I had to say… he just took it as me telling him he was a bad brother." She took another drag. "I don't think he's a bad brother." She whispered and another tear slid down her cheek.

"Aw, Sage, I know you don't." I pulled her into a hug. "And Emmett knows that too, deep down. I think he just doesn't really know what to do… he's always been this way about you… it's probably gonna take some time for him to learn to back off."

She gave a dark laugh and shook her head. "He doesn't intend to change." She drew in a shuddering breath, took the last drag, and stubbed the cigarette out in the butt can and headed inside. "Night, Jazz." She called over her shoulder.

Part of me wanted to go after her, wrap her up in a hug, and not let her go. The other half of me told me that she needed some time to herself. Either way, my heartstrings were being tugged in her direction.

The next afternoon, Maria came over. It was only the second time she'd been to the house, and I wasn't sure if it was because she was uncomfortable around Sage, Rose, and Emmett, or if she just didn't like them. I'd picked up traces of jealousy where Sage was concerned, as though Maria disapproved of anyone knowing me better than her. I wasn't quite sure where to go with that, so I'd decided to leave it be for the time.

We were in my room, discussing her possibly volunteering for Active Duty, and decided to order Chinese for lunch. I headed upstairs to the kitchen to grab the menu off the fridge when Sage came through the front door with several shopping bags.

"Hey." I said by way of greeting. "Shopping spree?"

"Hey." She grunted. "No. It's some quilts out of storage." She puffed.

I nodded. "Maria's here… we're just about to order some Ping's. You want?" I waved the menu at her.

"No. Thanks. I had lunch on campus with a few people from my Chemistry lab."

"Alright. I'll put the leftovers in the fridge if you want them later." I called as she headed downstairs and she waved to let me know she'd heard me.

I grabbed a couple bottles of water from the fridge and was about to go back downstairs when an earsplitting shriek made me stop dead in my tracks.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!"

_Fuck_!

I hauled ass down the stairs to find Maria's hand firmly latched to the silver chain around Sage's neck. Sage's hand balled into a fist and she sucker punched Maria across the temple.

"Maria! Let her go! Let her go!" I yelled, grabbing Sage about the waist and prying Maria's fingers from the chain. I lifted Sage and set her behind me, throwing out an arm to keep her from going after Maria again, and then I yanked Maria into the hallway. "What the hell are you doing in Sage's room?"

"She's wearing your fucking tags, Jasper!"

"Yeah, I know! What the hell does that have to do with you being in her room?"

She began yelling is Spanish and I couldn't follow.

"Tiene valor de años de cartas en esa caja. ¡Usted no me puede decir que no hay nada entre usted!" **(She has years worth of letters in that box. You can't tell me there's nothing between you!)**

I held up a hand and also caught Sage across the chest with the other as she made to get around me. "Maria, _English_!"

Maria took in a sharp breath. "There's fucking _years_ worth of letters from you in that box on her desk, Jasper! You can't tell me there's nothing between you when she has _years_ worth of letters… probably _every_ letter you've ever written her. What kind of person saves all the letters?"

I was indignant at that. "I saved all of her letters too. I have every single one." My voice had dropped to a dangerous level, and though Sage recognized it immediately and stopped struggling against my arm, Maria didn't seem to care.

"You're fucking her, aren't you? You have to be, because you're sure as hell not fucking me!"

I took a deep breath to steady myself and Sage took that opportunity to duck under my arm and tackle Maria to the ground. The girls rolled around, kicking and punching each other, and then Maria grabbed the necklace again and yanked. The clink of snapping silver and the rattle of the tags scattering across the floor met my ears and I lunged. I didn't make it in time to stop Sage from sucker punching her again, but I grabbed Maria around the waist and yanked her up.

"Sage, stay put." I commanded as she made to get up.

I grabbed Maria by the upper arm and yanked her up the stairs and to the front door. "Get out."

"Jasper—"

"No. Done. You want to invade someone's privacy? Root through their stuff? Attack them? That's fine. But it'll be someone else. You sure as hell won't be doing that to Sage ever again."

Her dark eyes fell and she whispered, "Tiene chingas. Admítalo sólo." **(You're having sex with her. Just admit it)**

"He. Is. Not. Fucking. Me." I spun to find Sage leaning against the doorway, clutching an angry looking abrasion around her neck.

I reached out and opened the door. "Just go, Maria." And she left. When I turned to face Sage, she was gone. I headed back downstairs to find her picking up the tags and staring at the broken chain. Her hair was in a bun, so I had a clear view of the damage done by Maria yanking on the chain.

"I didn't know you spoke Spanish." I said, trying and failing to lighten the mood.

She didn't bother to look at me. "I don't. I speak Latin… close enough to get what she was saying." Her voice was hoarse and I wasn't sure if it was because of all the damage to her neck or the fact that she was fighting the urge to cry. She sniffled and straightened up, turning to me. "Here. You can take these back. She doesn't want me wearing them."

"_She_ doesn't have a say." I said. "I just ended it. She was so far out of line she wasn't even in our timezone." I pushed the tags back into her hand, folding her fingers over them. "Let me go get you one of the crappy chains… I'll take this," I held up her chain, "To a jeweler and see if I can get it repaired… If not, I'll find you another one."

Sage just shrugged and went back to her room, stopping in the doorway, just staring. "She fucking violated my room, Jas." She whispered.

I pulled her backwards into a hug. "I'm sorry, Sagey. I didn't know she'd do that." She nodded and I got an even closer look at the bloody chain mark around her neck. "Come on. Let's get that cleaned up. It's not looking good."

She followed me into the bathroom and I lifted her onto the counter before digging for the hydrogen peroxide, cotton balls, and Neosporin. I wet a cotton ball with the peroxide and began dabbing at the abrasion, wincing as Sage hissed at the sting and I immediately leaned forward and blew gently across it to take the sting out. Once done, I spread some Neosporin on it.

She gave me a sad smile. "I'm sorry, Jas."

I shook my head. "It's not your fault, Sweetheart. Don't be sorry." She shrugged. "We OK?"

At that, Sage smiled. "Always." She laughed all of a sudden. "I guess you don't have to worry about your wardrobe anymore."

I laughed as well. "No… No I don't. Oh God, she wanted me to re-up." Sage blanched a little at that. "Exactly."

"Jazz… get some better taste in girls." She giggled and hopped down off the counter. "Seriously."

_**End Note: If you like this story, tell me. Push that button below and leave me a review. I promise to make it worth your while **___


	7. Overprotected

_**A/N: I still don't own anything.**_

_**Remember that this story is rated M for adult themes, language, and future lemons. 18 years and older only, please.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday for pre-reading.**_

_**I worship at the altar of HammerHips' ass.**_

Chapter 6: Overprotected

_I tell 'em what I like_

_What I want_

_What I don't_

_But every time I do I stand corrected_

_Things that I've been told_

_I can't believe what I hear about the world, I realize_

_I'm overprotected_

-"Overprotected" by Britney Spears

_**Jasper POV**_

I helped Sage repaint her room as a sort of cleansing. This time she settled on a cerulean blue with lime green accents and border; personally, I think it suited her better anyhow. The purple and pink had just been to piss Emmett off, no matter how hard she'd tried to pick a color she actually liked.

Surprisingly, Emmett didn't put up a fight. He didn't even say a word.

He and Sage hadn't spoken since the disastrous family session.

Tensions, however, were mounting. In the first week of September, Rosalie received a letter from Ramsey Prison in Brazonia County, Texas. I knew what that meant, and so did Emmett. Unfortunately, that left Sage in the dark because Emmett didn't want to upset Sage's alleged _fragile_ sensibilities. But I knew better.

She'd cotton on eventually and be pissed at us for keeping it from her, so I resolved to tell her… just to make her aware.

"Hey Sage?" I asked, standing in the bathroom door to her room.

"Hmm?" she asked, not bothering to look up from her book. She was sprawled out on her bed with a thick Chemistry text in front of her, making notes in a spiral-bound notebook.

I cleared my throat and stepped inside and moved to sit next to her on the bed. "I need to tell you something." I let my tone convey the severity of the issue and she paused to consider me before sitting up.

"OK…" she replied hesitantly.

I sighed. "If I tell you this, you have to _swear_ to me that you will not tell Rose or Emmett that you know. That would probably get me killed."

"OK…" she repeated.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself, closing my eyes for a moment. "Rose was raped when she was fifteen." Her shocked expression urged me onward. "The guy was caught… it was her ex-boyfriend, Royce." I growled his name. I'd always hated Royce. "And he went to prison… but he's up for parole now. I just… I didn't want you to be in the dark about why everyone's on edge. Rosie's gonna have to go back to Texas to testify at the parole hearing if she stands a chance of keeping him there." I hated feeling like I was just dumping it on her, but it wasn't really the time for a long, drawn-out explanation, and even if it had been, I'm not sure I had the stomach to give it.

Sage nodded mutely, suddenly struck dumb by my sudden unexpected admission. "OK…" she said finally, and then she sighed and ducked her head. "Would it make you feel better if I told you a secret?"

I blinked. Sage had a secret? Scratch that. Sage had _another_ secret?

"Sage…" I said as warning.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, this goes way back before you were even in my life and Emmett would _kill_ me if he knew I was about to tell you—nevermind what he'll do to me if he finds out you know—so you have to swear never to tell Rose and never to tell Emmett you know." It was not lost on me that the conditions for the two were different. Rose didn't know either.

"OK." I said simply, wondering what the hell could've been that bad.

Sage took a deep breath. "My dad's not dead, he's in prison." And then her hand flew to her mouth. "I haven't said that out loud in years… it felt good." I simply stared at her, mouth slightly open to begin a question I'd lost track of. "Wondering how and why?" I nodded. She shifted uncomfortably. "After mom died… Dad was kind of in a bad way."

_Shit_.

_I know where this is going_.

"He started drinking a lot and Emmett always did his best to make sure I was out of the way and stuff…" she sighed. "But one day dad found the spot where Emmett hid his keys and he drove… and he killed someone." She trembled minutely. "He had a list of priors… disturbing the peace, domestic disturbance for a few fights he got into with Em… so he's got a good while left on his sentence." Her eyes fell. "Emmett's just always said he's dead. I think he kinda wishes he was."

That struck a chord. "What about you?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I don't actually remember what he was like drunk. I remember whenever I'd come home crying 'cause kids at school would pick on me, he'd said _'Screw 'em! You're smarter than all of them. Someday you'll be living high and they'll be peeling gum off your shoes.'_" She smiled. "And he'd watch old home movies with me and tell me about mom when I couldn't remember… and eat Teddy Grahams with milk with me."

_So _that's_ where that charming little quirk came from_.

"Do you ever go visit him? Where is he?"

She shifted uncomfortably again. "No… Emmett's never let me… and he's in Lompoc. It's not like I could just take off when I lived with Charlie… but… I don't think he wants to see me."

My brow furrowed. "Why would you think that?"

She shrugged. "He used to write to Emmett two or three times a week… but never to me. I used to ask if he at least asked about me, but Emmett said he never mentioned me." Her cheeks were bright red. "Please don't be mad. It's not exactly easy to admit your dad's a drunk driver who killed someone and doesn't want anything to do with you."

I shook my head. "I'm not mad." I pulled her into a one armed hug. "I get this one… but I'm glad you told me."

She smiled and pressed her cheek against my shoulder. "I'm glad you told me about Rose. Em's been giving me these funny looks, and now I know why."

"What funny looks?"

"Like, I don't know, Like _God, I'm just so glad it's not Sage_ or something. It's creepy—but at least I know why now." She yawned then and stretched. "I'm starving."

"Me too." I admitted.

"Pizza? I could really go for that barbeque buffalo chicken concoction we discovered a few weeks ago."

I laughed at that. Who knew a mistake could taste so good? We'd ordered two slices of buffalo chicken pizza for me and barbeque chicken pizza for Sage. What they'd given us was so much better: buffalo chicken with barbeque sauce as the pizza base. Fucking amazing.

"My thoughts exactly." I nudged her shoulder and stood. "Get dressed and we'll go." I headed back through the bathroom to grab my socks and boots and emerged right as Sage did, dressed in a cut off denim skirt and navy blue wifebeater. She grabbed her flip-flops and we headed upstairs.

My cell phone rang and I stopped, pulling it out of my pocket and smiling as _Peter Calling_ flashed on the screen.

"Fucker." I said by way of greeting.

"_Well hello to you too."_

"How long you been stateside?"

"_Oh… about a month."_

"And you're just now calling me? Fuck man, what the hell is wrong with you?"

He chuckled at that.

"_Chill the fuck out. I figured I'd wait and surprise you. Char and I are in town. I want ya to meet her."_

I glanced at Sage who was watching me carefully, one eyebrow raised in question.

"_And maybe I'd get to meet the elusive Sage."_

I rolled my eyes. I should've seen that one coming.

I shot her a reassuring smile and said, "Well now you mention, we're headed to get some pizza. Care to join?" at that, her other eyebrow shot up as well.

"_Well shit, you read my damn mind."_

I gave him the address and hung up. "Peter." I said as an explanation. She nodded. "He's in town, and wanted to surprise me." I grabbed my keys and followed Sage out the door.

A half-hour later we were standing outside _Sol's Slicery_, waiting. It was a bit cooler than either of us had expected, considering it was only September, so I wrapped an arm around Sage's shoulders and tucked her into my side. She didn't seem to mind, much to my relief, and she rested her head against my shoulder.

I felt, rather than saw, Peter approaching and turned to meet his grin with one of my own. "Pete." I held out a hand, but he pulled me into a quick man-hug. "Good to see you, Man." I clapped him on the back.

"You too, Fucker. You too." He replied easily, his eyes quickly trailing down to the tiny blond. "Wow…" he breathed, earning him a sharp slap to the back of the head from who I could only guess was Charlotte. "Sage… You are… Wow… So much more beautiful than the _Major_ said… and your pictures certainly didn't do you justice." Sage blushed profusely at that, the blood pooling in her arms and chest as well as her neck and face. "And believe me, the _Major_ here just _gushed_ about you."

"Pete, knock it off. I did not." I grumbled, embarrassed. I knew he was right, but I didn't need Sage knowing about all that shit.

He smirked at me and continued talking to Sage. "Thanks for the hot sauce, by the way, Darlin'. Sure did add kick to the chili-mac. I'm Peter, but I'm sure you've guessed that." She nodded and then Peter motioned to the buxom blond next to him. "This is Charlotte, the love of my life."

"Hey there." Charlotte said, pulling me into a brief hug. "So nice to finally meet you, Jasper. Peter's always talking about the stuff ya'll got up to in the desert."

"Aw, shit. Please don't." I whined, earning me another smirk.

Peter grunted and rubbed his stomach. "So… shall we? Kinda wasting away here. What's good?" he asked as we headed for a corner booth.

Sage and I exchanged looks and smiled at the same time. "The Barbeque-Buffalo Chicken Special." We said together. We were met with strange looks.

"Just trust us." I said.

Peter and Char sat down while Sage and I went to put in the order for a large and get drinks. When we slid back into the booth, Peter had his shit-stirring look on and he wasted no time in jumping in.

"So… _Sage_, what kind of a name is _Sage_ anyhow?"

And without missing a beat, Sage replied, "I don't know… an herb. What kind of a name is Peter?" when he gave her a confused look she continued, "Might as well call you _Weiner_, or _Penis_, or _Dick_."

He considered her for a long moment before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. "I like you!" he exclaimed. "Please tell me you give him a ration of shit like that every now and again."

"Every now and again." She replied.

"Good. The _Major_ could use it." I rolled my eyes.

"Why do you call him _Major_?" her eyes flicked to me in question.

Peter roared with laughter again. "Well, Darlin', how much do you know about what Jasper did?" she shrugged. "Alright, well, let's say there's an incident—say the Infantry engages during a routine sweep." Sage nodded, following so far. "The Squad Leader would have to fill out a report for Intelligence." He nodded to me. "Intelligence would then compile the information for things such as noting hostile zones, where planes have gone down, where weapons may be stored, just basic intelligence." His eyes sparked. "Our boy here was so… _dutiful_ and committed to his job that he would harass the _shit_ out of Squad leaders to get as much information as humanly possible. Most days we felt like we should be telling him when we last took a shit." Sage rolled her eyes. "So we just started calling him _Major_... Short for _Major Pain in the Ass_."

At that, Sage burst out laughing. "Oh my God, that suits him. That really suits him!"

"Shh… You know you don't mean that." I chided.

"Actually, I really kinda do." I was taken aback by that. "Have you ever actually _seen_ you when it comes to the History Channel? Especially anything on the Civil War?"

"War of Northern Aggression." I corrected.

"See? See what I mean? Jesus, Jazz, you can't even sit through Shelby Foote's telling of the Battle of Antietam without criticizing what you call _factual discrepancies_." She even made the fucking air quotes.

I was affronted. "I can so!"

"Not."

"So."

"Sure. Sure. Tell you what, if you can make it through the Battle of the Monitor and the Merrimack, then we'll talk."

I groaned. She had me. There was _no_ _way_ I could get through that one without bitching.

Peter was laughing again. "Yeah, I like her." He cleared his throat, suddenly serious. "So I brought your _bikes_. Why you need two is beyond me."

Sage stiffened next to me and I was prepared for a thrashing. I'd never told her about the two-wheeled death machines that I'd put in a storage locker in Dallas before I enlisted. The thrashing never came and I was forced to assume she wasn't going to do it in front of Peter and Char.

Peter, however, caught the action as well and he grinned. "Aw, did Jasper never tell you he had a couple motorcycles?" she shook her head. "Oooh… I just got someone in _tuh-rub-bull_!"

"Why would you say that?" she asked. "I'm not his mother… or his girlfriend… or Rose… Does Rose know you have motorcycles? Because if not, you should tell her… so I can watch." She smirked as I blanched at the thought of Rose's reaction to my toys. "Oooh, that struck a nerve."

The waitress brought our pizza over and Peter eyed it quizzically. "That… does _not_ look very good."

"Just eat it, Fucker. It's amazing."

"Like a screamin' orgasm, amazing?" he countered. I didn't have an answer for that, but Peter was eyeing Sage. "Something tells me she knows what I'm talking about."

I felt my eyes go wide and my eyes dropped to watch Sage's impassive face. Her mouth curved into a smile, her eyebrows shot up and then down once, and she replied with, "Only thanks to the power tool, but it gets the job done."

_Wow…_

_That's actually kind of a turn-on._

_What am I thinking?_

_This is SAGE_!

Peter was just staring at her, mouth agape. Finally, he blinked and said, "Jasper said you weren't allowed to date."

She smirked. "That's why I said _power tool_… do you need a definition or can you figure it out on your own?"

He moaned. "Oh God, even Char won't admit to having a little friend." He sighed longingly.

At that point, Charlotte piped up with, "Well, I need a replacement. Maybe I'll have to get with Sage here and compare notes."

Both girls laughed and I felt my dick twitch. There was only one thing running through my head.

_Sage has a vibrator._

_Sage has a vibrator._

_No! Stop! No thinking that!_

_Shit_.

"Jazz, you OK?" Sage elbowed me in the ribs.

"Yeah." I answered, silently cursing when my voice came out husky.

Peter cocked an eyebrow at me, giving me that _I know what you were just picturing_ look. Thankfully, neither of the girls seemed to notice. They were too involved in a conversation about ways in which to procure _power tools_.

We finished the pie in record time.

"Sugar, I have to use the ladies. Come on, let's chat some about that tool you're packin'." Char said, sliding out of the booth. I stood to let Sage out and the girls disappeared down the back hallway toward the restrooms. I sat back down and sighed.

"She's hot." Peter smirked and I could barely contain the growl that threatened to erupt. "Oh chill out. I love Char. No need to get all _jealous_."

That struck a chord. "I'm not jealous." I said dumbly.

"Bull-fucking-shit." He replied. "You think I didn't see that look you got when she admitted to self-service? I thought you were gonna jizz your pants!" I blushed. "Furthermore, no man looks at a girl the way you look at her if there isn't something going on."

"There's nothing going on between us." I admitted lamely.

"_Yet_." He amended for me. Sometimes he just had these feelings and it always unsettled me when they concerned me. Add Sage to the mix and my protective instincts were in overdrive.

But there was the way he'd said _yet_. It both gave me hope and shattered it all at once. "She doesn't think of me that way." I stated firmly, taking a sip of my soda.

"Right… 'cause you're privy to _all_ her personal thoughts… she doesn't keep _anything_ from you. As demonstrated by the look of shock and the immense chub I 'spect you're sportin' after learning that little gem of info from her." He winked. "Just don't count it out." I rolled my eyes at him.

Sage and Charlotte seemed to take forever in the bathroom and when they finally emerged, their arms were linked and they were giggling uncontrollably.

"Oh shit…" Peter groaned. "They've _bonded_." He looked as though someone ate his puppy.

"Over vibrators, no less." Charlotte added, smiling mischievously in my direction. OK, so she wasn't as oblivious as I'd hoped. I could only pray she hadn't clued Sage in. "Sage has an interesting knowledge base."

_SHIT!_

"What can I say? I can't even give it away, so I gotta get what I can—might as well have the best." Sage smirked.

_Oh fuck me._

The worst part was that I knew in that moment she could've easily _given_ it away to me. I would've eagerly taken it and tried to give back… but my own demons were threatening to rear their ugly heads.

_**Sage POV**_

Frankly, I was glad that Jasper ended it with Maria. In all honesty, if I'd seen her again, I'd probably have spit in her eye, nevermind what I might've done if I ever caught her in my room again. I'd nearly taken a sledgehammer to the walls; you _don't_ fucking invade someone's space. I had enough trouble with Emmett doing that without worrying about Jasper's girlfriends.

But now my walls were a fresh color and I'd decided to forget about the bitch, even though Jasper was still trying to find a jeweler who could fix my necklace. I wasn't willing to have another chain—I wanted the one from Iraq—and Jasper was unwilling to have me wearing the crappy aluminum chain that had come with the tags. So we were at an impasse until one of us caved or someone fixed the chain. In the meantime, I'd taken a black cord and strung the tags on it, hanging them safely on the inside doorknob of my room so that I would always know where they were.

Emmett and Rose never mentioned what Jasper had told me about Rose's past and I didn't ask, though they eventually lightened up a bit.

I'd enjoyed meeting Peter and Charlotte. Peter was definitely one to watch my step around; he _knew_ things, Char said. He'd demonstrated it plainly enough by calling me out on my solo flights. Char was easy to talk to and we'd exchanged phone numbers while in the bathroom discussing benefits of certain "tools".

When they headed back down to Texas, Peter had promised it was only temporary and that they'd be much closer in the near future… though he failed to elaborate, which caused Jasper to wonder if Peter was playing _Stalker_ on me.

"I'm just saying he's had this fascination with you for a while, is all."

"He's your friend. I'm sure it's fine." I replied easily, not even bothering to look up from my literature text.

Rose and Emmett were upstairs screaming about God only knows what for the past forty-five minutes. Jasper and I had been cooking dinner at the time. We'd just eaten without them and stuck the leftovers in the fridge; it so was not worth getting in the crossfire.

Finally, Emmett slammed their bedroom door and stormed down the stairs. Jasper and I did our best to shrink into the couch cushions, but he'd already spotted us on his way down and we were the next targets.

"You would _think_," he fumed. "That if you go to the trouble to put on a little music, be a little _romantic_, that your woman would appreciate it." Clearly, this was directed at Jasper. I have no desire to seduce a woman. Never have.

And of course, this is where Jasper's mind differs from everyone else's.

"What music did you put on?"

_Say huh?_

Emmett paused for a moment, considering him, and then mumbled something that sounded like, "Bbbumbblek."

"What?" I asked.

He sighed. "_Baby Got Back_." He admitted exasperatedly. I couldn't help it. I burst out into giggles and Jasper followed suit. "Yeah, yeah… laugh it up… but since you two have _so_ much experience in the Romance Department, what would you play?" we stopped and he glared at me. "Fall Out Boy? _America's Suitehearts _perhaps?"

Jasper shook his head. "Nah… Sage is a good ole romantic." He shot me a grin. "I'm willing to bet she'd go country… Lady Antebellum… maybe Rascal Flatts."

"How'd you guess?" I gasped.

He shrugged, still smiling.

Emmett simply rolled his eyes. "_Lovely_. Beautiful. I'm going back to the garage."

With the rapid approach of mid-terms, I was forced to abandon a lot of my free time activities with Jasper and focus on my study group for Chemistry. Everything else I knew I could pass, but Chemistry was the bane of my existence.

I cleared it with everyone to have my study group at the house on Wednesday nights, knowing Emmett and Rose worked until eight and Jasper wasn't usually home from his job as a part-time ranch hand until nine.

My group was an interesting bunch. Jane and Alec, twins with light brown hair, were both astonishingly pretty. Yes, Alec was _pretty_. Heidi was what I'd call the knockout. And she was _friendly_ to boot. Part of me was glad Jasper wasn't around when she was. Felix and Demetri, large, dark-haired Italian-American cousins rounded out the group. They were all intelligent and good-looking and so friendly.

Alec was constantly trying to coax me out to have coffee with them, go to parties with them. They all lived in the dorms, though Jane and Heidi were in the middle of Sorority Rush and Alec was pledging a Fraternity.

They seemed to genuinely _like_ me.

And my therapy continued at a snail's pace. Carmen and I had discussed what was going on with Emmett and agreed that it wasn't the best time for me to leave therapy. In truth, it helped to have someone to talk to who didn't live under the same roof as me.

So when Carmen encouraged me to _get out_ and _have fun_, I took her seriously.

"That's a bit dressed up for a Friday night in." Jasper commented from the bathroom doorway. "Should I be flattered?"

I smirked, but I instantly felt bad. "This isn't for you. I'm going out." I watched him in the mirror as I straightened my denim skirt and burgundy wrap-blouse.

"Out where?" he asked casually.

I shrugged. "My study group wants me to go to a party with them." I grabbed my black ballet flats from the closet and slipped them on my feet.

His eyebrow was raised now and he looked suspicious. "A party where?" I turned to find him leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest.

I shrugged. "Whatever Frat house Alec's pledging."

His eyes went wide. "A Frat party?" I nodded. "I don't think that's such a good idea, Sage."

I raised an eyebrow. He was going Emmett on me. "Well, it's a good thing I didn't ask you, then." I felt bad, especially after the look he gave me, like I'd taken a swing at him. I sighed. "Jazz, I need to _get out and have fun_. I need to do something on my own."

He nodded, though his eyes were on his feet. "Well do me a favor… text me the house when you get there… just so someone knows where you are."

I nodded. "Sure."

"And if you get into trouble, you call me… No questions asked."

I was with him up until the last part. I'd heard the _no questions asked_ shtick before. From Rosalie—and it'd been a huge mistake to trust her. If Uncle Charlie had let him, Emmett would've locked me in my room until I died.

"I mean it."

"I know." I grabbed my purse and made sure I had my keys. "Emmett and Rose are down at Half Moon Bay again." He nodded. "So… don't wait up." I smiled and headed for the door, but he caught me by the arm.

"I beg your pardon?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I said don't wait up."

"Right. Because that's going to happen." He scanned my face carefully and I felt like I was being X-rayed. "You're not planning on texting me the name of the Frat house." It wasn't a question. I didn't answer. "Well, then you're not going."

I yanked my arm out of his grasp and headed for the stairs. "Thanks, _Emmett_, but I've got this one." I cringed as his palm connected with the surface of my door. When I turned, he looked murderous.

"I. Am. _Nothing_. Like. Emmett." His voice was dangerous. I'd brought on Army Jasper accidentally. "Now, I've told you it's just so I know where you are. And I've told you to call me if you get into trouble, no questions asked, but I get the feeling you'll ignore that too. So you're gonna tell me _why_. _Now_."

I really wasn't in the fucking mood. I didn't want or need a babysitter.

I squared my shoulders and said, deadpan, "Ask Rose." His eyes widened and I turned on my heel and hightailed it up the stairs and out the door before he could recover.

The truth was that my one act of teenage rebellion prior to my eighteenth birthday had cost me a lot. Emmett and Rose had been home for a visit and I'd pretended I had a paper due and needed library time for research. Rosalie had suspected something was up and told me to call her if I needed her… _No questions asked_.

In reality, I'd driven to Port Angeles to a jazz club to meet up with some friends using a fake ID that Bella's old friend Mike Newton had managed to snag for me. It had been fun, and I'd had a blast. But then it came time to head back home and I'd been the only one who'd parked at the south end.

I ran into some guys when I was crossing the alley between the club and the storefront next to it and they'd made a grab for me. I was lucky I'd been in my old hightops that night or I might not have been able to get away. Casual chic. There's something to be said for it.

I was so freaked out that I only made it a few blocks before I was forced to pull over and call Rose. I begged her to come and I begged her not to tell Emmett. I told her I'd have Seth take me down to get my car in the morning. She'd agreed and she'd been there in record time.

But when I climbed out of the car at home, Emmett was waiting and he was quickly approaching violent reactions. Rose apologized, but that didn't stop me from hating her in that moment. She'd offered me sanctuary and then thrown me to the wolves. It took me a long time to forgive her for that… but I was never going to forget it.

Still…

I felt horrible for what I'd said and how I'd treated Jasper. I knew he was only trying to make sure I was safe, but I just didn't want that. No one in the house reported their whereabouts to me. Half the time all three of them could've been dead in a ditch somewhere and I'd never have known.

It just didn't feel right that I was the only one who was constantly kept tabs on.

And it pissed me off royally.

By the time I made it to the Frat house, the party was in full swing. Jane and Heidi met me out front and we entered together… three scared freshman girls in a house full of drunken Frat boys.

Big.

Fucking.

Mistake.

I wasn't even ten feet in the door when someone slapped my ass so hard I knew it would bruise. From the looks on Heidi's and Jane's faces, they'd suffered the same.

Alec appeared before us, wearing a coconut bra and a grass skirt. From what I could see, there were no clothes on under the skirt. He simply shrugged. "I'm a Pledge. I do what they say."

"That's right!" one of the older guys yelled, stumbling toward us. He grabbed Heidi by the hips, but Jane grabbed her shoulders and I kicked the guy in the shins.

"Hands off!" I yelled.

Big.

Fucking.

Mistake.

My night was apparently going to be full of them.

I grabbed Heidi and Jane's hands and we immediately turned and headed for the door, only to find it blocked by two overgrown behemoths with dark hair and sallow, pointed faces.

"Vladimir! Stefan! Show our guests around!" the creep I'd just kicked called.

"Oh shit." Jane whispered.

"Ditto." Heidi half-sobbed.

I immediately jammed my hand into my purse, searching… searching… there was a _reason_ I was Charlie Swan's niece, dammit! Then I hit pay dirt and prayed it still worked; I yanked the tiny can out just as Vladimir and Stefan came toe to toe with us and sprayed in an upward arc, grazing their eyes and they doubled over.

"Pepper spray!" one yelled.

"Run!" I yelled and we three little girls screamed and tore out of there as if the hounds of hell were behind us.

We piled into Jane's old Buick and tore off down the street. I would have to go back for my car in the morning.

"You don't think they'll follow us, do you?" Jane asked anxiously.

I snorted. "I'd love for them to follow me home. I've got a pissed off Army Corporal who's probably waiting to whoop my ass when I get home." They glanced at me curiously. "Had a fight with Jasper, so if they follow me home, I may actually get through my ass-whooping in one piece."

"I don't know if I want to go back to the dorms…" Heidi whispered. "Alec's got a key to the dorms since he still lives there, and he could tell them our room number, Jane."

"Alec wouldn't do that!" Jane defended.

Heidi shook her head. "He was gonna let that guy just do whatever to me!" she yelled.

"Chill out!" I yelled over the din. When Jane and Heidi were down to a silent seethe, I huffed and said, "If you don't want to go back to the dorms tonight, you can stay at the house."

Jane shook her head. "We've got a deadbolt and a chain lock. I don't see the big deal."

Heidi shrugged. "Fine." She whispered, but I could tell she'd rather be camped out on my bedroom floor.

They dropped me off ten minutes later and I hesitantly made my way into the house, being sure to lock the door on my way in. The sliding glass door was open and I could barely make out Jasper's hunched shoulders over the reclined back of one of the lounge chairs. There was a thick fog of smoke hovering around him and he seemed to be staring at the floorboards of the deck.

I took a deep breath and stepped out onto the deck. "Jazz?"

He gave a start and turned to me, a cigarette dangling from his lips and a glass of some amber liquid I could only assume was whiskey clutched in his hands. He flicked the cigarette into the yard and put his glass down before standing and taking the two steps toward me. I instinctually flinched, but he grabbed me and pulled me into a suffocating hug.

Emmett had never laid a hand on me in anger, but I was so used to palpable rage that I'd immediately expected it from Jasper. This reaction floored me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered against his chest. "I shouldn't have said… you didn't deserve that."

"Shhh." He whispered into my hair. "It's OK, I'm just glad you're safe."

_Say huh?_

Where was the yelling? The punching walls? Where was the threatening to dismantle my car and smash my cell phone? Those were the things I was used to in this situation.

Jasper backed up until his legs hit the lounger again and he pulled me into his lap. "I've been so fucking worried." He choked. "I didn't want you to think I was angry and be afraid to come home."

Ah. Now I remembered.

I had written to Jasper about the Rose incident.

But then realization seemed to hit him and he stiffened. "Why are you home?"

I groaned. "It… probably would've been a good idea for me to just stay home in the first place." He looked at me quizzically and I told him what had transpired.

When I was done, I was shaking like a leaf. He picked up his glass and offered it to me. "Here. It'll take the edge off. Drink it slow." As I took a sip, he pulled two cigarettes from his pack, stuck them both in his mouth and lit them before handing me one. "You did the right thing. That was brave." He murmured.

"I was stupid." I argued.

He shrugged. "Yeah, well, you're supposed to be: you're eighteen. Sometimes even I forget that you're eighteen. Sometimes I think things would be easier if you were still that twelve year old kid strumming my Resonator like you were playing for God himself."

And suddenly, I was affronted. I stood and took a very long drag off my cigarette.

"What?" he asked. "Sage, wh—"

"I'm not a _kid_." I snapped and his eyes widened.

"No, I didn't mean—"

"I got what you meant, Jasper. I'm not a fucking kid." I glared at him and drained the whiskey, finished my cigarette, and tossed it in the butt can. "By the way, Emmett doesn't like hard liquor in the house."

And then I marched myself straight to bed, making sure to lock both doors to my room.

I heard Jasper come downstairs several minutes later and his shadow stopped in front of my door as though he were debating whether or not to knock, but then he walked the rest of the way to his room.

_**End Note: Leave me a review and I'll send you a teaser!**_


	8. Still On Your Side

_**A/N: I still don't own it, so please don't sue me.**_

_**This story is rate M for adult language, themes, situations, and future lemons. Read at own risk. No one under 18, please.**_

_**Thank you (as always) to RemyKilday for pre-reading.**_

_**I worship at the altar of HammerHips' ass.**_

Chapter 7: Still On Your Side

_You want to run, you want to break free_

_What you want ain't what you need_

_Can't you see that I care_

_I know I'm hard on you sometimes_

_But when you're looking for the things you can't find_

_Don't you know who'll be there_

_Who will, I will_

_When it's more than you can handle_

_Ain't no lie_

-"Still On Your Side" by BBMAK

_**Sage POV**_

I awoke the next morning much calmer but still upset. I also woke up with a major headache, which I wasn't sure if I should attribute to going to bed angry or the booze I'd swilled in my upset. Groaning and rolling over was painful, but I still had to get up.

I trudged into the bathroom and showered quickly, brushed my teeth, and headed back into my room to dig out a pair of comfy sweats and a T-shirt. I checked my phone quickly and found several texts from Alec.

_Is everything OK?_

_I'm so sorry I couldn't help._

_Please just tell me you 3 are OK._

_I can't reach Janey, please call._

_Are you OK?_

I groaned again and tapped out a quick, succinct message.

_We're all fine. They dropped me off at home and headed back to the dorms. _

Then I headed upstairs to find coffee. Thankfully, Jasper had already put a pot on, but he was nowhere to be seen. I poured myself a mug, snitched a cigarette from the pack on the sideboard, and headed out onto the deck for a quick smoke, allowing the nicotine to heal my fractured pride.

_Kid_.

_Jasper wished I was a kid_.

I almost spit with that thought.

I finished my coffee in record time, stubbed out the cigarette, and went to refill my mug. Jasper was still nowhere to be seen. I headed to the front door and peeked outside. The truck was still out front.

Sighing, I headed back downstairs and bypassed my door for Jasper's. I knocked quietly. There was a hollow scraping sound but no other noise. I knocked again.

"Jas?" I called. The scraping stopped, but he still didn't acknowledge me. "Jasper, please?"

I heard him sigh and then he called, "Come on in." in a really hoarse voice.

I pushed the door open and stepped into the mirror opposite of my room… with a different paint job and more manly bedding. Jasper was at his desk with a pistol in pieces, cleaning it. I felt my eyes go wide.

I'd been around plenty of guns, living with Charlie for so long, and I knew how to fire one, but I was fairly certain Emmett didn't know Jasper had one in the house.

"What can I do for you?" he asked, not bothering to take his eyes off his work.

"I came to apologize." I answered and he paused for a moment, still staring at the barrel of the pistol, but then he started right back up again. "Jas, I'm sorry. I overreacted. I know you didn't mean it the way it came out. I—"

He held up his hand and I immediately shut my mouth. "Do I do right by you?"

_Odd._

"What are you talking about?"

He sighed and put the gun down, turning his chair to face me, and actually meeting my eyes for the first time since I'd come in. Now that I had a clear view, I could see he obviously hadn't slept. Or at least hadn't slept _well_. His eyes were red and tired, he had dark circles under them, and his short hair was in disarray as though he'd been tugging on it.

"Do I do right by you?" he repeated. "Do I take care of you, back off when you need me to, defend you when you need me to? Am I a good friend?"

"Jas, you're the best." I answered, suddenly panicked. I had no clue where he was going with this, but I was suddenly scared.

"Really?" I nodded. "No, I mean _really_? Because with how you blew up at me last night, I'm wondering what I've done? We never used to fight."

I rolled my eyes and kicked at the carpet. "Jas… it's kinda hard to hold an argument when there's two weeks between responses." I mumbled.

"Even before, when we were writing twice a week, we never argued." His eyes were so sad, I felt tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. "I just—I don't know what I did to draw so much ire…" he drew in a shuddering breath. "I make it a point not to be like Emmett." He whispered.

"Oh, Jazz." The tears spilled over and I rushed at him, throwing my arms around his neck. "Jazz, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that! I'm so sorry!" it took him several moments of hearing me apologize before he finally wrapped me into the comfort of his arms and pulled me into his lap. "I'm so sorry." I continued to whisper against his neck.

He shook his head. "I just… I don't want you to end up hating me. And I don't want you to get hurt." He murmured into my hair. "God, I was so worried about you… and I would give anything to be able to trust the world, but I know I can't. And I feel like maybe I can do a better job than Emmett because I don't have all the personal shit with your dad and your depression weighing me down. I can see you as you are." I stiffened, but immediately relaxed again. "Just please tell me I'm doing an OK job."

I hugged him tighter, pressing a quick kiss into his jaw. "You're the best." I whispered. "Please don't be upset with yourself."

He hugged me tighter and gave a low chuckle. "Alright." He nuzzled me lightly. "But next time I'm fuckin' turning you over my knee. Don't pull that shit on me again or I really will treat you like you're twelve." His tone was humorous, but I could still feel the sincerity of his warning. I'd hurt him and I'd have to do better.

Still, I had to giggle and when he gave me a look, I sighed, "I'm sorry… I just pictured that scene in _McLintock!_" Jasper snorted a laugh and I was glad to see him smile. "At least _we're_ not fighting because of sexual tension." Jasper shifted uncomfortably but didn't say anything, so I simply laid my head on his shoulder.

I'm not sure how long we stayed like that, but the next thing I knew, Jasper was carrying me gently and setting me down on some soft surface. It wasn't my bed… this… whatever was much, much softer and I burrowed down into its depths as I smelled the comforting scent of worn leather, soap, and cologne. It smelled exactly like Jasper.

I opened my right eye to peek and realized I was on his bed. He'd put me down there in order to finish cleaning the pistol. When he was done, he put it back together, but kept the loaded magazine separate. He put both pieces in a brown shoebox and put it at the bottom of his closet. I closed my eyes and drifted off again.

The next time I awoke, Jasper was carefully spreading a quilt over me. I opened one eye to see what he was doing and then rolled over.

"Jazz?" he started, having not noticed my waking, and gave me a small smile. He was still tired. I wondered what he'd been doing while I'd been napping. "What have you been up to?" my voice was hoarse from my throat being so dry and he immediately handed me a bottle of water, which I accepted gratefully.

He shrugged. "Just sitting. Thinking."

"You look like you could use some sleep." I observed.

Jasper ran his hands over his face and nodded, trying to stifle a yawn. "Yeah, I suspect I could." I nodded and started to get up, but he shook his head and climbed onto the bed, on top of the quilt. "Come here." He smiled and opened up his arms for me to snuggle against his chest.

"Jazz, do you hate me?"

I heard him snort a laugh. "No, Sweetheart, I most certainly do not hate you. I could never hate you. You just gave me a swift kick in the ass, that's all. Don't worry, I'll kick you back eventually." I smiled as he rubbed my back. "It's alright, Sage. Tempers have been high all over. I think we just had a shitty night." I nodded into his chest.

"I am sorry." I murmured, looking up and I saw the corners of his mouth curve up in a smile.

"Sage, if you keep apologizing, we'll never get back to normal."

I smiled a little. "Your bed's comfy. Why's your bed so comfy?"

He smirked. "Because _Emmett_ didn't pick out my mattress." He teased.

But he was right. Emmett had picked out all of my bedroom furniture… including some horrible peach-colored bedding.

I groaned and buried my face in his chest. "You know… I've got a ton of money saved. Maybe I need to buy myself some new bedding."

His smile grew into the mischievous one I knew came only when he was in full tease mode. "What about the mattress?"

And it was my turn to tease. "That's easy. I'll just steal yours while you're at work one night. I'm sure Alec, Felix, and Demetri won't mind the heavy lifting."

The smile shrank a little as he said, "You keep those boys out of your room." He was still smiling, but the tone was warning.

I smirked, trying to brush it off. "I don't think you have to worry about anything happening with them."

Jasper nodded, closing his eyes. "Sure I don't, Sweetheart. Because they drive twenty minutes from campus—in the middle of _rush hour_ in the middle of the _week_ to come here so you don't have to stay on campus for a few extra hours—and their intentions are _totally_ pure." I lifted my head off his chest and his right eye opened to peek at me. "An erect penis has no conscience." He said simply.

I smirked. "From what I hear, the limp ones aren't all that ethical, either."

He smiled at that. "No, no they're not."

I shook my head. "But I don't think you have to worry about them. They're just friends."

"_Right_." He drawled out. He rolled on to his side, facing me and hugged me to him. "I'll always worry, Sage. It's just a matter of what about."

Groaning, I rolled onto my other side so we were spooning. "Jazz, please don't get all uber-protective all of a sudden."

"Hey!" he shook me gently and I could tell by his tone that I'd offended him. "I will always want to protect you."

I sighed. "I know.

_**Jasper POV**_

When Wednesday night rolled around, I made sure I was home by six. True to my word, I hadn't told Emmett anything of what had happened over the weekend, but that didn't stop me from being wary of Alec.

If he'd been OK with putting his own _sister_ into that situation with the party, how could I trust him with Sage?

For some reason though, Emmett had decided to come home early as well and for once, I truly found myself on the same side of the fence as him.

We both sat in the dining area, him with the newspaper, me with my Ethics text and a notebook, listening and watching as Sage's group went bit by bit through their course material.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett's fist ball up and then release reflexively, and I turned to see Alec pushing a stray strand of Sage's hair behind her ear. She was blushing.

I cleared my throat. "I'm gonna get a beer, Em. You want one?"

He shook his head. "If I'm gonna have to put the hurt on that kid, I wanna be completely sober doing it."

I smirked and made my way to the kitchen. I leaned down into the fridge and when I stood back up and turned, Sage was glaring at me, arms crossed over her chest.

"How's it going in there?" I asked, taking the top off and taking a long pull.

"Stop. Hovering." She growled.

_She fuckin' growled at me!_

"I'm not hovering." I smirked. "I'm studying Ethics."

"You and Emmett are _hovering_. You've never sat here while my group's been here and neither has he."

"True." I shrugged. "Because we've both been working…" her eyes sparked and it dawned on me. "Which is what you were going for when you scheduled it for Wednesday nights… Emmett and I both work late." I was hurt. Really hurt.

At least she had the decency to look sorry. "Can you blame me? Look at how you're acting!"

OK, apparently she wasn't _that_ sorry.

"How am I acting?"

She threw her hands up in exasperation. "I don't know… like… I don't know, just stop glaring at Alec like that! And don't let Emmett cock-block tonight!"

She made to leave, but I grabbed the back of her tank top and pulled her backward. "What _exactly_ am I looking at Alec like?" she made to step away and I locked my hand around a section of her belt, holding her fast.

"I don't know, Jas… It's just… I don't know… If I didn't know better, I'd say you were jealous." She murmured. "Just stop, OK. I think you were right and maybe Alec does like me… just _please_ don't let Emmett cock-block tonight." She pried my fingers from her belt and left me in the kitchen.

And Peter's words from that day at the Slicery came back to me. _No need to act all jealous_.

"Oh. Fucking. Shit." I whispered to myself.

I _was_ jealous.

"What?" Emmett asked, coming in to grab a bottle of water.

"Nothing." I grunted and went back out into the dining area.

Alec was sitting unusually close to Sage, turned toward her so that her shoulder was touching his chest, as he discussed negative ions with her.

I cleared my throat as I passed and jerked my head backward a bit as though giving a warning of Emmett's approach. That would be good enough to cover the fact that _I_ was cock-blocking. And I smiled a little as Alec backed up a bit.

"Say, I'm gonna order a pizza… You guys want some?" Emmett called, as he appeared out of the kitchen.

"Thanks, Em, but we already ordered—" the doorbell rang and Sage immediately rose and padded toward the entry. "Ping's." She finished.

And there was my ego, getting smacked again. Ping's was _our_ thing.

Ha. If only.

If only I'd just gone downstairs when she'd called me on my bullshit.

If only I weren't jealous about the scrawny kid who looked like he hadn't even hit puberty yet.

If only she weren't currently dividing her beef curry onto two plates and handing _him_ one.

_Well, someone's just had their dick slapped._

_ And put through a meat grinder._

_ And fed to wild dogs._

_ And…_

I cleared my throat, packed up my stuff, and strode over to the door. "I'm gonna head to the library." I called over my shoulder.

"Get a grip, Jasper." I chastised myself as I threw my backpack into the cab of the truck and sped off toward campus. "Get a grip. Get a grip. Get a grip."

_Great. I have a new mantra._

My cell phone buzzed and I pulled it out, opening a text from Sage.

_**Leftovers in the fridge. You OK?**_

I grimaced. There was no way to not lie on that one. I stopped at a red light and tapped out a reply.

_**Just hit with a bunch of shit all at once. I'll be fine.**_

A moment later, her response came.

_**Emmett's cock-blocking. Alec looks like someone kicked his puppy.**_

I smirked. I had a sneaking suspicion Alec looked more like someone kicked his nads, and for once, I was thankful for Emmett's overbearing nature.

I pulled into the parking lot of the library and headed inside, immediately taking the elevator to the third floor and straight to the Ethics section. There was only one other person in the stacks, a tiny young woman with jet black hair that stuck out in all directions. She was whisper-thin, with pointed features and a pixie-ish look about her.

As I made my way down the row looking for my book, she looked up and smiled at me. "Zeeler. Mondays at ten?" she asked.

I hadn't actually been paying attention so my response was idiotic at best. "Huh?"

Her smile widened, showcasing pearly white, even teeth. "You have Professor Zeeler… Mondays at ten AM?" I nodded. "I thought I recognized you. You sit in the third row, two in off the center aisle."

_Weird_.

I didn't even know what row I sat in, how the hell did she?

"Are you researching your paper?"

"Uh… yeah." My head was swimming. She was smiling and standing closer and then I suddenly remembered myself. "I'm Jasper, by the way. Jasper Whitlock." I held out my hand to shake hers.

"Alice Brandon." She replied, shaking my hand. I couldn't help but smile back. "So what's your topic?"

I rolled my eyes. "Should Our Conscience Determine What Is Morally Right and Morally Wrong." I answered. Alice cringed.

"Well, at least it's better than mine." She shuddered. "What Is the Difference Between A Moral And A Non-Moral Issue."

I felt my jaw go slack. "Seriously?" she nodded. "You have to write about that for ten pages?"

"Yeah. I was really upset he was choosing our topics for us, and I almost hit the roof when I found out that was mine."

"I would have. I think I'd have demanded a new one." I laughed. I spotted the book I'd been after and grabbed it, nodding for her to follow me to a table.

"I did! He wouldn't budge." She pouted and I laughed.

She was cute. And nice.

"Well," she sighed. "It was nice to officially meet you, Jasper. I've got to get a bit more done before I'm ready to leave."

"Yeah… Yeah I do too. But I guess I'll see you in class on Monday."

"Definitely."

I smiled. "Have a good night, Alice."

I sat in the library for several more hours, studying, searching for books, searching for arguments to help support my stance. By the time I was ready to pack it in and go home, it was already midnight.

I crept quietly into the hallway, locked the door, and set my stuff down carefully. My stomach was growling, so I headed toward the kitchen, turned on the light, and nearly jumped out of my skin.

Sage was sitting on the counter in a blue shelf bra and matching boy shorts. I gulped. I couldn't help it. I'd never seen her in so little before. She was shielding her eyes from the sudden onslaught of light, but her other hand held a spoon poised over a tub of ice cream.

And for the first time ever… I caught sight of lavender ink etched over her bottom-most right rib. I immediately recognized it as Sanskrit because of a brief stopover in India while overseas. What it said, I have no clue.

Sage must have caught my look and realized what I was seeing because she breathed and straightened so that I could see it fully. "It says _Judgment does not bind her, for she writes her own destiny_."

I reached out and ran my fingers along the markings, smiling slightly at the tingling sensation that crept through my fingertips at the soft caress. "It suits you." She beamed at me and I remembered myself, backing away. I moved to the fridge and began digging around, purposely avoiding the beef curry. "How'd it go tonight?"

"Emmett totally cock-blocked. I'm thinking I should just run away and join the circus."

I smiled at that. "And what would you be?"

"A clown."

"Why?"

She snorted a laugh. "Because I'm already a joke."

My back went ramrod straight of its own volition and I glared at her. "Don't ever let me hear you say that again, Sage."

She rolled her eyes. "Jasper, give it a rest."

"You first."

"Jas, just stop, alright? I'm really just not in the fucking mood." She took a spoonful of ice cream and I realized just how drawn and tired she looked.

"What happened?"

She shrugged. "What _didn't_ happen? Alec was telling me I looked pretty, Emmett told him to back away slowly, and then he was escorting him out." She rolled her eyes. "There's no way I'm going to be able to look at him again."

I raised an eyebrow. "You're awfully calm." I stated.

She smirked. "Get a good look at the Jeep in the morning."

I just shook my head. "I still don't want you talking like that." I turned back to the fridge.

"You should be used to it by now."

"That doesn't mean I like it! Jesus, do you talk about yourself that way to Carmen? Because if she hasn't bitch-slapped it outta you, maybe you need to find a new Therapist." I growled, but I immediately knew I'd overstepped. I turned to find her frozen, staring at me, her spoon hovering over the ice cream. "Sage, I'm sorry." She didn't move. "Sage?"

She seemed to snap back to attention and her eyes narrowed marginally. "Carmen's been good for me. She's easy to talk to."

"Do you talk about yourself that way to her?"

"What way?"

"Don't play stupid, you're not that kind of blond." I snarled. "Do you talk about yourself with that… worthless attitude?" she shrugged.

"I don't even realize I'm doing it."

"Well dammit, it needs to stop!" I cried.

"Why are you yelling at me?" she asked.

I drew in a deep breath. "Because I'm fuckin' tired of you acting like you're not fuckin' worth it and you are!"

"Excuse me?" we both turned to find Rose standing in the kitchen doorway, her hands on her hips. Sage immediately slouched to hide her tattoo. "First of all, it's midnight, so stop fighting." We both had the decency to look ashamed, though I knew neither of us were. "And second, I've gotten Emmett to agree to let you go out on a date." She smiled hopefully at Sage.

Sage, however, wasn't buying whatever Rose was selling. "What's the catch?"

Rose shifted uncomfortably. "You… remember Edward? The guy who does the books for the garage?"

Sage looked as though she were about to be sick and pushed the ice cream away from her in disgust. "Please tell me you're joking."

"He really likes you, Sage. And he's really very sweet."

"Rose, you call him Ed_weird_."

"I do not."

I smirked. "Don't lie, Rose. It's so unbecoming."

"He's _nice_." She insisted. "And he's very taken with you, Sage… and I think Emmett's agreeing to him because we work together and maybe also because Edweir—Edward has a healthy sense of fear of him."

"Yeah, but isn't the point of my first date supposed to be that _I_ like the guy, not necessarily that _Emmett,_" she spat his name. "Likes him?"

Rosalie sighed and dropped her hands to her sides. "Sage, it's a step in the right direction. The fact that he's agreeing at all should speak volumes. Maybe you can just throw him this bone?"

Sage rolled her eyes. "One condition." Rose nodded, listening. "Past this first date, which will obviously be a family dinner because I know how Emmett loves to humiliate me, is _my_ decision." Rose nodded in agreement and disappeared back upstairs. "Jazz?" I looked at her and felt my heart break as she held out her arms. I immediately closed the space between us and hugged her, lifting her slightly off the counter. "Can we just not fight? I need you."

I closed my eyes and nodded.

_Right words… wrong context._

"Of course, Sweetheart." And then I couldn't help but smirk. "So… Ed_weird_."

"Oh, God!" she buried her face in my chest, shaking her head back and forth. "This is gonna be _so fucking bad_."

"He can't be that bad."

She sat up again, shaking her head. "It _really_ is. He's just… yeah… you'll see." She closed her eyes and cringed.

And then I couldn't stop it. "Yeah, I see quite a bit."

_Just shoot me_.

But I had to laugh as Sage went tomato red and slid off the counter. "Well, quite frankly, that's your own damn fault. I was perfectly alone, in the dark, with my ice cream. The blender and coffee maker didn't care that I was in my underwear."

"Yes, I'll be sure to remember that next time I turn any lights on." I called as she made her way to the basement door. "Careful, Jas, Sage might be half-naked." She flipped me off before disappearing downstairs.

After exiting the house on Thursday, I understood what Sage had meant about the Jeep: there was a long pink banner stretching across the back that read, "Honk if I bring sexy back" and it appeared she'd taken pink headlight film to the head- and reverse lights, ensuring that whenever Emmett used them, they'd glow bright pink. But that wasn't the worst of it. Not by a long shot. She'd rigged the horn to play Christina Aguilera's _"Can't Hold Us Down_" when engaged.

In short, Sage was _pissed_.

She'd never gotten vindictive and included vandalism and a vehicle in the game before.

But it was still hilarious. Rosalie even thought so and threatened to get Sage hired to do custom "Pink Work" as she called it. After the Jeep fiasco, the rest of Thursday and Friday passed quickly.

But by Saturday evening, the mood was significantly darker. Sage had come upstairs for her "date" in a pair of jeans and a powder blue T-shirt with a cartoon rabbit that said "Show Me the Bunny". Emmett had promptly told her to go change.

The second time, she came back in her cutoff denim skirt and a pink wife-beater.

No go.

The _third_ time, she came back in her robe, and I couldn't help but laugh as Emmett yelled at her.

The fourth time, she came back in a green bubble dress with cap sleeves. Personally, I liked that one the best. But apparently the dress was too short at mid-thigh.

_Next_…

"Why not wear that gray tartan skirt and a sweater set?" Emmett asked.

Sage looked like she might throw up. "Uh… Right… Em… You do realize I threw that skirt away almost as soon as I got it, right?" he glared at her. "And I don't own a sweater set." That was a lie, but I was laughing too hard to care.

When she finally reappeared at the top of the steps, she was wearing her jeans again and a peach colored cardigan.

"I'm not changing again. Get over it." She growled as Emmett made to protest… over what I have no clue. She plopped down on the couch next to me and picked up her Chemistry text. "Alec dropped from the study group." She mumbled.

I rolled my eyes. The part of me I couldn't get a handle on was jumping for joy that she wouldn't be around Alec anymore. The part of me that knew she needed to pass Chemistry remembered that Alec had been the only person able to explain covalent bonds to her and make her understand.

I bumped my shoulder against hers. "Sorry, Sweetheart."

She shrugged. "Jane said he just didn't have time with Rush, but he dropped on Thursday… seems a little too convenient."

"Yeah." I agreed, making a mental note to discuss Emmett's interfering when it concerned her classes. "Well… maybe you'll see him out and about on campus and you can talk to him. I'm sure he wouldn't be against to talking to you."

She pulled out her cell phone, pressed a few icons, and showed it to me.

_Have to drop study grp. Sorry. Nothing personal._

I grimaced.

"Men have a habit of abandoning me in text." She mused. "Do me a favor, Jas. When you finally decide to get the hell outta Dodge, at least have the decency to actually call me."

_And there's my dick getting slapped again._

_ Jesus! Why do I get lumped in with all the rest?_

_ Because I have a penis… That's what Rose would say._

Instead of reaming her, knowing she was feeling particularly sensitive at that moment, I simply wrapped an arm around her and gave her a quick hug. "You know I'm not going anywhere." She gave a small nod, but didn't bother looking up from her lap. "You OK?"

She shrugged. "What kind of a crappy first date gets set up by your older brother?" she whispered and I watched her cheeks flame; she was humiliated. Not just that Emmett had set it up, not just that he was vetoing her outfits, but that we were all here to watch. "Oh, geez." She wiped her cheeks, stood up, and fled to the bathroom to fix her makeup and calm herself down.

Some days I really hated Emmett.

Today was one of those days.

There was a knock on the door and I groaned and got up to answer it. What met me when I opened the door was… interesting.

Edward was about six feet tall with a shock of bronze hair that he'd apparently tried to tame—and failed at—miserably. It looked like a bad comb-over, except that he wasn't balding. His bright green eyes were obscured behind coke-bottle glasses. He was hunched slightly and I was having trouble deciding if it was out of insecurity or a spinal disorder. But he smiled and stuck out his hand.

"Edward Cullen, Sir. I'm here to see Sage."

I shook his hand and nodded. "She's inside. I'm Jasper Whitlock."

"Rosalie's brother." He stated.

"That's me." I opened the door to allow him in, taking in his attire. Gray slacks, a short-sleeve white button-down tucked in military style (completely flush with the body), and a really bad blue tie with gold polka dots.

_Wow_.

"Edward!" Emmett called, coming over to clap him on the back. "Nice of you to come."

"Nice of you to have me." Edward replied, shaking Emmett's hand. I finally noticed he was kinda twitchy, and I wondered if it was natural or chemical. Probably natural. He was like a pasty penny-colored Urkel. It was… odd. And it kinda made me want to stuff Sage in her closet just to spare her.

_Who am I kidding? I don't need that much space! Stuff her in the glove compartment!_

But then Sage was opening the bathroom door, the picture of Put Together. She shot me a look before giving Edward a tight smile and stepping forward.

"Hello, Edward."

Edward started, involuntarily jerked in surprise, and held out his hand. "Sage. So nice to see you again." My eyes narrowed as the corner of his eye twitched.

She shook his hand. "You too." That was such a lie, but I wasn't about to call her on it. She just had to get through tonight.

"Dinner's ready!" Rosalie called as she began carrying dishes out to the dining room table. We trailed Sage in and she immediately went to help Rose in the kitchen.

I'm pretty sure Rose had known Sage would need my support that night. With Emmett at the head of the table, Rose was to his right and I was to his left. Sage was to my left and Edward was across the table to Rose's right.

We filled our plates and ate in silence for several minutes before Emmett cleared his throat. "So, Edward, what do you like to do in your spare time?"

"Well," Edward replied thoughtfully. "I'm a Numismatist."

Emmett raised an eyebrow.

"He collects coins." Sage answered his unspoken question, never taking her eyes off her plate.

Edward nodded. "What about you, Sage?"

"Sage plays the guitar." Emmett answered for her. "And the piano… she writes music sometimes."

I glared at Emmett in a bid to shut him up.

"Oh… I'm… not fond of music." Edward replied.

_The fuck?_

"How can you not like music?" Sage asked.

"Well… it's really a waste of time… Frivolous… those who pursue it either burn out or get caught up in some horrible lifestyle, and really… what good does it benefit society?"

I moved my leg to press it against Sage's in a small gesture of comfort as I asked, "What good does coin collecting do?"

Edward's eyes went wide and his mouth popped open, imitating a fish gasping for breath. Finally, he cleared his throat and changed the subject. "My parents will be very happy to meet you, Sage. They're quite excited to visit and—"

"Meet me?" I grabbed Sage's hand under the table and swallowed the urge to wince as she dug her short, but sharp nails into my palm.

He blinked, confused. "Emmett… said," my eyes flew to Emmett who was looking uncomfortable and staring at his plate. "That you were excited to meet my family. They're visiting next week and—"

Sage dug her nails in deeper and I let out a small "Ow" before she stood up, glaring at Emmett and Rose; at least Rose had the decency to look truly ashamed. "I think I'm gonna just go to bed. Since _Emmett_ seems to want to control everything, you can go ahead and take him to meet your parents, Edward. I'm sorry you wasted your time." And then she was gone, disappearing down the basement steps.

Emmett rolled his eyes and stood. "I guess I better go smooth this over."

I threw down my napkin and stood, glaring at him. "I think you've done enough. _I'll_ go talk to her. You go and make things worse and I'll be the one burying you in the middle of the night."

His brow furrowed in confusion. "Why would you be burying me?"

I smirked. "Because Sage is too little to drag your sorry ass and me being ex-military and all, I'm sure I can find a decent spot where they won't find you." I shot him a warning look and took off after Sage.

_**End Note: Push that button and leave me some love **___


	9. Just Dance

_**A/N: Yeah… I still don't own it. I don't own the song either, it's by Lady Antebellum.**_

_**This story is rated M for mature language and situations, as well as future lemons. If you are under 18, please do not read.**_

_**Thanks again to RemyKilday for pre-reading.**_

_**I worship at the altar of HammerHips' ass.**_

Chapter 8: Just Dance

_What's going on on the floor?_

_I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore_

_Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?_

_I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright_

_Just dance, gonna be okay_

_Just dance, spin that record babe_

_Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance_

_Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance_

-"Just Dance" by Lady Gaga

_**Jasper POV**_

I made my way downstairs and headed straight for Sage's door. I knocked and she ignored me, probably thinking I was Emmett, so I went to my room and through the bathroom. She'd left the door open for me, so I leaned in the doorframe as she plunked on her keyboard.

The familiar tune made me smile. It wasn't one she'd written herself, but it was one we both knew well. We could both play it on the guitar. She continued to plunk it out as I went by unnoticed in the doorway.

Finally, I sighed and said, "You gonna actually put some tempo in it and play it or are you just gonna murder it?" she shrugged.

_OK, not the desired effect._

So I turned and retrieved the old Samick SD-10 and a barstool from my room before returning and putting the stool down next to the keyboard. I sat down and tuned the guitar quickly. She just continued plunking away, ignoring me.

"Why that song?" I asked suddenly.

"Country is the music of pain." She muttered.

I sighed. "Wow… Did you seriously just have a _Buffy_ moment?"

"What's really sad is not that I had it, but that you recognized it as one." She replied, giving me a crooked smirk.

"And what's worse is that's actually a nice _romantic_ song."

"It's a sad song, and it's the only country song I can play."

I cleared my throat and nodded to the keyboard. "Play the damn song." She plunked a few notes. "No," I chastised. "_Play_ it. Take out your frustration on the song."

She huffed and began playing, slowly at first, but then she picked it up to the correct tempo and I joined in. Though it was meant to be sung as a duet, I knew she wouldn't start singing on her own, so I took the first verse myself.

"_Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor_

_ Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore_

_ And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_

_ For me it happens all the time_"

I kicked her piano bench to ask her to sing with me and she grudgingly obliged.

_ "It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now_

_ Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now_

_ And I don't know how I can do without_

_ I just need you now_

_ Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door_

_ Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before_

_ And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_

_ For me it happens all the time_

_ It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now_

_ Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now_

_ And I don't know how I can do without_

_ I just need you now_

_ Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all_

_ It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now_

_ And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now_

_ And I don't know how I can do without_

_ I just need you now_

_ I just need you now_

_ Oooh baby, I need you now_"

I smiled as we finished playing, noting a dramatic change in her overall mood. She was smiling too.

"We haven't played together in a long time." She murmured. She started plunking at the keys absently, a disjointed tune.

"Six years." I sighed. "Feels good. Feels familiar." She nodded, her face slowly falling back into a frown. "Come on, Sage, don't. Emmett's an ass, we both know that. There's no reason we should've expected any better from him." I set my guitar on her bed and leaned forward, my elbows on my knees.

Sage just shook her head. "Leave it to Emmett to totally fuck up my first date. God!" she slammed her hands down on the keys and I cringed at the notes flying through the air. "I was actually stupid enough to be kind of excited!" she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Not because it was Edward… but because I _thought_ that maybe Emmett was finally starting to lighten up and let go."

I groaned and stood, pulling her up and into a hug. "If it's any consolation…" I whispered. "I don't think that what happened upstairs can be termed a_ date_."

She laughed into my chest. "Oh… God I hope not… 'cause it really sucked."

"Yes, it did." I groaned again as my phone buzzed and I pulled it out. "Peter." I mumbled, not bothering to let her go as I answered. "What's up?"

"_Hey, we're stopping in San Fran on our way up to Vancouver for a few weeks. Come out with us. Sage too._"

My eyes narrowed. "Why?"

He huffed indignantly. "_Well it ain't for the pleasure of your sorry ass company, just FYI. But I got this feeling some shit just majorly hit the fan_." I watched Sage carefully as she raised an eyebrow at me. "_Don't sit there makin' goo-goo eyes, just fuckin' bring her out! The night's still young, come on!_"

I thought for another minute. "Fine. Where do you want us to meet you?"

"_We've been asking around, there's this club called Pure up on the north side._"

"Yeah, I've seen it. Alright. We'll meet you at ten." I hung up and gave Sage what I hoped was a winning smile. "Wanna go out with Peter and Char?"

She laughed. "God, yes."

I smiled. "Stay here. I'm gonna go pull a shame spiral." She gave me a quizzical look but I headed straight out the door and upstairs. Emmett was watching TV and Rose was doing the dishes. I headed straight for Rose.

"Sage and I are going out to a club with Peter and Charlotte."

Rose stopped, altogether _stopped_, what she was doing, just frozen. Finally, she whispered, "Emmett will kill you."

"Sage can get into the club on her own, she's an adult, and he can go fuck himself for all I care. She needs to get out for a while."

She sighed. "So what do you want from me?"

"Sage doesn't own any club clothes."

Her eyebrow shot up. "I don't know if you've noticed, but just in bust alone, Sage and I are completely different."

_Sage's bust is… not the point_.

"Rose, I know you've got smaller stuff… and I _know_ you've got some of your older stuff… from before the boob job." I glared at her and she glared right back. You did _not_ bring up the boob job unless you wanted to lose some valuable equipment.

She licked her lips, thinking, and her eyes drifted over to Emmett. "You _know_ he'll get after you for this."

"I can take care of myself."

Rose sighed, but nodded and headed up to her room. She emerged ten minutes later with a heap of clothes. "Here. Let her pick and tell her all of these will go with those darkwash skinny jeans; tell her that if she needs a pair of pumps, I've got some that'll go, but I think the Steve Madden's will go nicely."

"What the hell is a Steve Madden?"

She rolled her eyes. "She'll know what I'm talking about, just go."

I slowly crept back downstairs, thankful that Emmett hadn't seemed to notice me, and headed straight for Sage's room. She was lazily strumming my guitar and I smiled.

"Figured I earned a few minutes with it… seeing as I got covered in dust and was surrounded by spiders to get to it."

I nodded. "I don't mind you playing it." I dumped the mess of cloth on the bed. "I've got some pre-boob job clothes. Rose said," I rolled my eyes. "That I should let you pick, they'll all go with your darkwash skinny jeans and if you need pumps, she has some that may go, but she thinks your Steve Madden's will go nicely… what the hell is a Steve Madden?"

Sage snorted. "They're shoes. Rose bought them for me for my birthday." She frowned. "Come to think of it, that's the only time Rose has ever gotten me a present I _like_." She began sorting through the tops. "Alright, I'll… figure something out." And I left her to get ready.

I pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and a green button-down, taking the time to roll the sleeves up to my elbows. I left the shirt untucked.

Sage was rooting around in her makeup bag in the bathroom and I caught myself wondering what she'd picked to wear, but let her have her privacy.

When she finally knocked on my door, I yelled a hasty, "Come in!" and started digging around for my old worn brown shit-kickers in the bottom of my closet.

"Dude, you're such a girl. How am I ready before you?"

I rolled my eyes, but smiled as I found the boots and pulled them on. "I got distracted." I mumbled.

"Blond much?"

"Don't be mean, I'm springing you outta this hell hole for a night, aren't I?" I said and then I looked up.

And I couldn't stand.

It would've been obvious and I could not, would not stand.

"Wow."

"What?"

There was that one part of me that would _always_ stand at attention now, no matter what Sage was wearing because… _Wow_.

"You." I replied, my voice suddenly hoarse.

There were the skinny jeans, hugging her legs and showing off her rear. I'm assuming the black hidden-platform _Do-Me_ heels were the Steve Madden's, and the top she'd picked was a black pinstriped halter bustier with the black lace of her bra peeking over the top.

_Do. Not. Gulp._

_Do. Not. Jizz._

_Say something._

_Moron._

"Wow." I laughed nervously.

She raised an eyebrow at me and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Thanks… I think. You're staring at me funny, Jas. Stop." She smirked. She'd done that smoky eye thing Rose was always bitching about and she'd put on some lip gloss. It all clicked in my brain why Rose got dolled up all the time; this was why Emmett was always all over her.

I took a deep breath and stood up. "Come on. We've gotta sneak you out." She shook her head. "You want Emmett to stop us?"

"No," she said, heading for the stairs. "I want Emmett to be as pissed as I am."

I laughed. "This'll do it." And then we were up the stairs and out into the open living room.

"What the fuck are you wearing?"

_Three seconds. New record._

"I'm going out."

"_We're_ going out." I corrected. I had no intention of dying because Emmett thought I was pimping her out.

"Like hell you are, and especially not dressed like that."

Sage glared and I immediately grabbed her by the waist and yanked her into my side. "Em, she's eighteen. You try to stop her and we're gonna have issues." I warned.

He scoffed. "Like what, Jas? You gonna hit me?"

I narrowed my eyes. "No. But I _will_ call the cops for false imprisonment."

His eyes went wide and I could tell I'd only incited more anger. "Get the hell back downstairs." He growled at Sage.

"No."

"You look like a fucking whore! Go back downstairs!" he was yelling and turning red and we were rapidly approaching violence.

"No!" Sage yelled at the same time the sound of breaking dishes met our ears.

Rose stormed into the living room and I could tell that this was not Emmett's night. She took one look at Sage, smiled, and said, "You look good, Sweetie."

"Rose, what the hell? She looks like a hooker!" Emmett yelled.

Rose rounded on him and I began slowly inching us toward the door. "That's _my_ top, Emmett! So if she looks like a hooker, how do I normally look?" she yelled.

With that, I grabbed Sage by the hand as she grabbed her purse, and I yanked her out the door, pausing only to help her into my pickup truck and we were off.

We rode in stunned silence for a long time.

Finally, Sage whispered, "You think Rose'll kill him?"

I had to laugh. "I don't know, but I think she might come close."

"She was _pissed_."

I pulled into the parking lot at Pure and we got out, me helping her down off the running board because of the height difference, and then we headed over to the door.

A high-pitched whistle met my ears and I turned, smiling as I saw Peter and Charlotte headed our way.

"Damn, Man, you clean up nice." Peter drawled, clapping me on the back. He did a double-take on Sage and his eyes went wide. "Dude… how the fuck did you make it outta the house without—"

"Peter…" I warned. There were only two ways that question would end.

_How the fuck did you make it outta the house without Emmett killing you?_

Or…

_How the fuck did you make it outta the house without fucking her?_

My bet was on the second.

He smirked at me, his eyes alight. "What's up, Parsley? How you doing?"

"Just fine, Weiner, how 'bout you?"

Peter laughed and pulled her into a hug, giving me a sly smile as his hands crept down toward her backside. It took everything I had not to punch him.

"Peter, you grab my ass and Char's gonna be really lonely while they retrieve your testicles." Sage warned and I couldn't help but smile. She broke away from Peter and hugged Char. "You get those links I sent you?"

"Sugar, you have no idea how helpful and handy you are. I tell you, even Peter can't find some of the spots my new—"

"Ex_cuse_ me! I apologize for not having nubby weird _feely_ things all over my dick! _Pardonez-moi_!" even in the dim light of the street lamps, I could see he was profusely red… a definite first.

Char ignored him completely. "I also got that one you've got… _Wow_!" she fanned herself.

"She uses it during sex." Peter grumbled. "She packed it in her damn bag 'cause she can't fuckin' go ten hours without havin' some personal time with it!" he pointed at Sage. "I blame you for the decline in my sex life, Parsley."

"Well, Weiner, perhaps if you invest in a flashlight and a map, things will improve." She retorted.

I laughed and Peter glared at me. "Dude, it's your own damn fault. If you hadn't backed her into telling you she has a vibrator…" I trailed off as he growled at me.

"Are we gonna dance or what? I didn't get all dolled up to stand in the parking lot." Charlotte asked, slipping her arm around Sage's waist and pulling her away from me. "You look so good, Sugar. I bet your brother had a fit."

"Don't get me started." Sage grumbled as they headed for the door, Peter and I hot on their heels.

As we made our way around the club looking for a table, Peter grabbed my arm, effectively stopping me. I kept my eyes trained on Sage, but nodded to Pete that I was listening. "How bad was it?"

I shrugged. "He was pissed. I thought he'd try to grab her from me, but he pissed Rose off and we hauled ass outta there."

Peter eyed me carefully. "You want me to call the motel? See if there's another room available? Might not be such a good idea for you two to go home tonight…"

I raised an eyebrow. "Is that subtle for _I got a feeling_…?"

He grinned. "Maybe."

"I'll think about it."

"I'll call the motel."

I rolled my eyes and continued toward the table Sage and Charlotte had settled at, smiling as I approached and they immediately stopped talking. "What? I interrupt?"

"Yes." Sage answered honestly. "Secret Girl Shit. It's confidential."

"Ah." I nodded. "Sorry." But I grabbed Sage about the waist, moved her from the stool she was on, and pulled her into my lap.

Charlotte smiled at me knowingly and winked, though she verbally chastised me. "There are _four_ chairs here, Sugar." I flipped her off playfully and she smiled. "Where's Peter?"

"Something about calling the motel." I answered, having to yell over the Trip Hop being played. Char nodded, seeming to cotton on to what he was doing.

I pulled out a cigarette and lit it, knowing Sage would probably steal it a few times. Char watched us carefully until Peter arrived, toting drinks.

"Gin and Tonic." He placed a glass in front of Char. "Whiskey on the rocks." I gratefully accepted my glass. "Red-headed Slut." I smirked as he placed the shot down in front of himself, but then I eyed the tray cautiously. "Bottled water." He placed the bottle in front of Sage and then his eyes met mine and he watched me cautiously as he set a glass down in front of Sage. "Mama Juana."

"Mama Whata?" she yelled over the din.

"Mama Juana… it's rum." Sage's lip curled in disgust, but Peter held up a hand. "It's not like any rum you've had, I guaran-damn-tee it, so just drink your damn drink."

Her brow furrowed and she looked to me for permission. "I don't think one'll hurt. I think you've earned it after tonight." I answered her unspoken question.

She shrugged and took a sip, her eyes widening at the taste and I smiled. "Good." She agreed, smiling at Peter. She turned and plucked the cigarette from my lips, took a quick drag, and put it back. "I suppose I could just take a cigarette." She sighed, blowing the smoke out slowly.

"I don't care." I shrugged.

"He means he finds it sexy as fuckin' hell that you do that. Careful, Darlin', don't move. He needs you to cover his ragin' hard-on." Peter yelled. I glared at him as Char smacked him.

"Tell me Peter, what's Char use to cover your mouth?" Sage asked. "The sun?"

Charlotte laughed. "Too small. Think bigger." Sage just shook her head and took another sip of rum. "Come on, Sugar, dance with me. These too can't carry a rhythm if their lives depended on it."

"You don't even know if I can dance!" I cried indignantly.

"True, but I've seen you walk." She winked at me and I knew exactly _when_ she'd seen me walking… As I caught a glimpse of Sage's ass in those damn jeans.

Sage shrugged. "He's good on the guitar, there's rhythm somewhere in there." She allowed Char to slip an arm around her waist and they made their way onto the dance floor and disappeared into the crowd.

Peter eyed me carefully as I tried futilely to keep my eyes on the girls. "She's good for you." I spared him a quick glance and sipped my whiskey. "However OK you were before, that's nothin' to what you are now…" he trailed off as we caught sight of Char and Sage hauling ass back through the crowd.

A petite figure stalked after them and I immediately felt my stomach threaten to expel the whiskey.

Char pushed Sage into my arms and stood in front of her, but Sage immediately tried to lunge at Maria and I immediately grabbed her by the hips and held her to me. "You OK?" I asked, putting my mouth against the shell of Sage's ear. She nodded. "You go after her?" she shook her head. "She go after you?" she nodded.

"Jasper, I've been calling you." Maria yelled over the music and I could see the accusatory glare she threw at Sage.

"I'm aware." I answered. "I'm not interested, Maria."

"I don't believe that." She gave me what should have been a winning smile, but for the fact that it didn't reach her eyes. "Come on, Baby. Dance with me."

Peter stood and placed himself in front of us. "Away, Bitch!" and he slapped the back of one hand against the palm of the other as though he were attempting to sway a stubborn horse. "Go on! He's not interested in whatever slurry you're dishin' out."

Maria's eyes narrowed and she leaned around to get a good look at Sage. "Tal por cual. Haré jodiendo asesinato usted." **(Whore. I'll fucking murder you.)** And then she turned on her heel and disappeared.

I pulled Sage back into my lap. "What'd she say?"

"It doesn't matter." Sage answered, but she was shaken and it only made me worry.

"Sage…" I warned.

"It's fine, Jazz." She held out her hand to Char, who accepted it.

"Char, stay where we can see you." Peter warned and Char nodded, following Sage back onto the dance floor.

He groaned then and I purposely looked away. "Oh if only Char would just let me find a third…"

"You'd never do it. You'd take one look at the two of them and jizz your pants… and I know you… You'd never let anyone think you'd lose your shit like that." I smirked.

"True." He nodded and looked back out to the dance floor, letting out a low moan.

This time, I looked, and nearly lost _my_ shit. Sage's back was to Char's front, left arms extended above their heads, Char's right hand on Sage's hip, and they were slowly, sensuously grinding to the music.

_Oh. Fuck. Me._

_Please._

"Dude, I can't fucking move! I could bludgeon someone with my dick right now!" Peter whisper-yelled. From his eyes, I could tell he was panicked.

I shook my head. "Get it the hell under control."

"The fuck you saying? Tell me you're not rock hard just lookin' at that!"

I bit back my retort. He knew I was, there was no need to admit it.

He moaned again. "Come on. We gotta go break 'em up before every guy here notices and we're swimmin' in jizz."

We made our way over to the girls, and Sage smirked as I grabbed her arms and pulled her to me. "You're about to give a bunch of guys some massive heart attacks." I whispered.

"No idea what you're talking about." She replied, turning so that we were dancing the way she and Char had been. Peter and Char were in the same position.

I rolled my eyes. "Sure. OK." I responded sarcastically. I was forced to shoot Peter a warning look as he winked at me.

Several songs later, Sage pulled away. "Bathroom." She pointed over her shoulder and I nodded as she disappeared into the crowd. Peter shook his head at me and my eyes narrowed. Sage hadn't even made it past the bar without getting into trouble.

I immediately began shoving through the crowd until I was right behind Sage as she jerked her arm out of the grasp of a large guy with sandy brown hair tied in a ponytail.

"Come on, Baby, you'll love it." He crooned.

I immediately grabbed Sage by her belt and yanked her back to me, tucking her into my side. I smiled internally as her arms immediately wound around my hips. "She's not interested." I growled.

He sneered at me. "Sorry, Man, didn't realize I was hittin' on your _sister_, but can you blame me? She's fuckin' hot."

_Seriously? Does he not see the intimacy of the hold we have on each other?_

I drew myself up to my full height. "You're right, my sister is very beautiful." He grinned. "But _she_ isn't my sister." I slid my hand around to Sage's hip and pulled her flush with my body, daring him to try anything.

His smile faded and his eyes narrowed, but then he laughed it off. "Well Baby, if you ever want a _real_ man, I'm here every Saturday night."

"Real men don't need to trawl to get laid." Sage fired back, squeezing me lightly.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah… whatever." And he stalked off.

Sage laughed and I just shook my head. "You're incredibly too good-looking. I can't leave you alone for a second." I mock-growled, leading her toward the restrooms. "Go. And don't take too long or I'll be forced to come in after you." She giggled and disappeared into the bathroom, emerging moments later with a look of disgust. "What?"

"Well…" she blushed slightly. "I can't be sure… but I think there were people having sex in the handicapped stall." I felt my eyes go wide. "I'm no expert though… just sounded…uh…intimate."

I cocked an eyebrow. "So why'd it take you so long to get back out here?"

"I had to pee! What was I gonna do? Go in the guy's bathroom?" she cried and I was forced to laugh.

"Come on…" I drawled, wrapping my arm around her and pulling her back to my side. "Let's go make sure Peter and Char are still upright." But Peter and Char were nowhere to be seen. Sage and I sat back down at our table and finished our drinks before splitting the bottle of water.

A half-hour later, Peter and Charlotte appeared at our sides, covered in sweat and looking disheveled.

"Hey." Peter drawled, grinning.

"Hey." I replied. "Where the hell were you guys?"

"Bathroom." Charlotte answered.

I cocked an eyebrow. "Really? Did you hear the couple in the ladies have sex? Sage was traumatized." The atmosphere suddenly changed and they were both staring at their toes in shame. "That was _you_?" I yelled.

"Oh my God!" Sage's hand flew to her mouth and she started laughing hysterically against my chest. "_You're_ Schwoogie-Muffin?" she asked Peter.

"Shut up!" he cried, his normally baritone voice hiking up an octave in humiliation.

"_Schwoogie-Muffin_?" I repeated carefully.

Sage nodded. "Oooh, Schwoogie-Muffin, you know how I like it. Please, please, please, yes, yes, yes! Do you have any idea how hard it is to pee to that soundtrack? I thought I was gonna have to call for help!"

At that, Peter's shit-eating grin returned and his eyes found mine as he said, "Oh, I have a good idea how _hard_ it is." Before I could retort, Charlotte had elbowed him hard in the ribs. "Ow, Baby!" he cried.

"Don't you mean Red Hot Mama?" Sage asked and Charlotte blanched, forcing me to groan and bury my face is Sage's shoulder. "See? This is why you don't have sex in bathrooms."

"Oh really?" Peter challenged. "Where do _you_ have sex?"

And without missing a beat… "In my bed with Buzz."

My head shot up. "What?" I cried.

Charlotte burst into giggles. "That's the name of her… _friend_." I blushed. "Buzz is the little _buzz-buzz_ that gets her through the cold, lonely nights."

"And even the warm, heavily populated ones." Sage admitted gleefully.

"Please stop!" Peter begged. "You had to listen to me having sex, eventually your memory will fade, but don't make me imagine you getting yourself—"

"Peter!" I warned.

"I can't help it!" he was panicking again. "She looks like that and-and-and Charlotte won't let me have a third and-and-and she brought the damn _Buzz_ to bed last night because apparently _I_ don't know where the hell the clitoris is!"

Sage was positively quaking with laughter. "It's about an inch from where you think it is." She supplied and I groaned and smacked my forehead.

_**End Note: As always, give me a review and I'll give you a teaser **___

_**I'd like to recommend a fic, just for good measure: Whiskey and Spitfire by HammerHips is an AMAZING story, and even though it's still early, it is so worth the read.**_


	10. Poker Face

_**A/N: Wish I owned it, but I don't. **_

_**Rated M for strong language, adult themes, future lemons, etc. 18+ only, please.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday (always) for pre-reading.**_

_**And special thanks to HammerHips. She is the Schwoogie-Muffin to my Red Hot Mama.**_

_****Several people have posted in the reviews that they're getting impatient. I understand… believe me, it took me 3 months to suss out the plot before I even started writing, but there is more to this than simply the romance, so PLEASE be patient and I promise to make it worth it **___

Chapter 9: Poker Face

_I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be_

_A little gambling is fun when you're with me, I love it_

_Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun_

_And baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun_

-"Poke Face" by Lady Gaga

_**Jasper POV**_

"So we have a choice here…" I sighed as Sage and I climbed back into my truck. She looked at me quizzically as she buckled her seatbelt. "Peter called the motel and reserved a room in case we don't want to go home. It's two queens, nothing fancy… but if you don't want to deal with Emmett, we can at least put it off 'til morning."

Her brow furrowed in thought before she finally nodded. "Yeah, let's go."

I pulled out of the parking space and drove over to where Peter's truck was parked. I flashed my headlights at him and he pulled out in front of me so that I could follow him.

Sage was digging under her seat for her purse and retrieved her cell phone, looking at it apprehensively. "Em's called forty-two times." She murmured.

"You sure it wasn't just Rose?"

"It's Emmett's cell phone." She pressed a few buttons and turned the phone on speaker and I cringed as I heard Emmett's voice with stunning clarity blast from the phone.

"_Dammit, Sage! You better fucking get your ass back here. I'm not done talking to you._"

"_Sage, I'm not kidding. Tell Jasper to turn around or I'm fucking dismantling the Bug and you can walk to school for all I care._"

"_If you don't come home right now, you'll regret it and—_"

The last message was cut off by Rosalie screaming at him to calm down in the background, and I cringed. Rose could take care of herself and Emmett would never touch her in anger… but if I'd had my doubts, they were gone. I wasn't taking Sage home to face Emmett tonight. He could calm the fuck down and deal.

I sighed. "Text Rose. Tell her to tell Emmett you're safe, but that we're staying with Peter and Char tonight." She did as she was told, then put her phone away and looked out the window. "You OK?" she nodded absently. "Sage?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine." She whispered. "He's really mad."

"He doesn't have any right to be."

"I know."

"Then what's got you spacing?"

"The fact that he just… doesn't see how wrong he is… on so many levels."

I sighed, shaking my head. Part of me wanted to drag Emmett behind my truck, but the other part of me just wished he'd wake up to the reality of the situation. Sage was getting bolder, but he was also starting to let his rage out more, and she was progressively working toward being frightened of him.

We pulled into the motel and Peter immediately headed into the office, returning with a room key and two small sacks of travel toiletries.

"Here, go put these in your room and we'll take Sage to ours… Room twelve… " he grinned mischievously. "We'll play some Poker…" I shot him a glare. There wasn't any way we were playing _his_ kind of Poker… especially since I knew Sage didn't know how to play Poker.

"Jas, I'll be fine. Stop looking like you're about to tackle Peter." Sage murmured and I grudgingly released my hold on her shoulders, but gave her an appraising look. She seemed quite calm. "I'm fine." She insisted. "Go. I'll see you in a minute."

I huffed and headed for room twenty-three, unlocked the door, and tossed the two bags on the nearest bed. I turned, closed the door and made sure it locked, and headed straight back down the way to room twelve.

Peter opened the door just as I raised my hand to knock and he grinned at me as he held it open for me to enter. Sage and Charlotte were sitting cross-legged on the bed, snickering as they hovered over some sort of photo album. Sage looked up and started laughing uncontrollably, keeling over on the bed.

"What?" I asked, and I could feel the blood rushing to my face.

"Well, I found a few other things in your storage locker and I mighta… brought them with me. I forgot them last time."

My eyes narrowed as Sage continued to laugh hysterically. "Please tell me it was _not_ the box marked _BURN_." He gave me a small smile. "Shit!" I lunged for the bed and grabbed up the photo album.

Sure enough, it was all the photos from my Burn Box. Mostly ones of Rose and I stuffed into the picture with our step-father, but there were others… such as the time Rosalie and her friend Kebi stuffed me and Kebi's younger brother into dresses and put makeup on us… and the time I got in a fight in school and my mother stuck a tampon up my nose to soak up the blood.

_Fucking. Hate. Sex and the City._

And of course, it was the dress picture they were looking at.

"I. Was. Twelve." I growled. "Rose was bigger than me! I hadn't filled out yet!" she continued to laugh, so I picked her up and carried her toward the bathroom. "I'm gonna throw you in the tub and turn the water on!"

"No! No! Jas, I'm sorry, no!" she squirmed and I let her get away but was slightly irritated as she ran to hide behind Peter. He gave me a grin that clearly said _Haha_.

"So!" Peter clapped his hands together. "Poker?"

"Fuck that. You cheat at Poker, Sage doesn't know how to play, and I know you… you wanna play strip Poker just to see how fast you can get her in her underwear for humiliation purposes." I growled.

He looked offended, but I knew better. "Jesus, _Major_, you'd think you'd have a little faith."

"I can watch, I don't have to play." Sage called, still half-hidden behind Peter. Instead of her words calming me, the sight of her hiding from me only raised my ire.

"Fine." I bit out, pulling up a chair to the small table by the window.

Char took the other chair and as Sage made to sit on the bed, I grabbed her arm and yanked her into my lap.

"You'd think he never heard of chairs." Char smirked, winking at Sage as she laid a green cloth over the table and set out the chips.

She shrugged. "I don't mind. He's comfy to sit on." She leaned back against me and I smiled into her shoulder.

Peter began pouring drinks, and he set down three glasses of whiskey and a bottle of water on the table. He disappeared again and then reappeared with a bottle of Mama Juana. "Jas?" he asked.

_Sure, Fucker. Be all submissive now._

I nodded and he immediately poured a couple shots worth into a glass for Sage, setting it down in front of her. He sat down on the bed and produced a pack of cards from his pocket. "Baby, open the window please?" Charlotte obliged and then set a glass ashtray on the table.

"I refuse to be in an enclosed space with smoke." She explained to us. Both Sage and I simply nodded.

Peter shuffled the deck several times, placing it down for Sage to cut every now and again, and then finally dealt. "Texas Hold 'Em." He announced as my last card slid across the table and he immediately lit a cigarette.

I followed suit, smiling slightly as I took a few drags and then Sage stole it for a few. When she was done, she held it up over her shoulder, leaning against my chest so that all I had to do was turn my head a little and press my lips to her fingers to take a drag.

_So. Fucking. Hot._

_Fuck…_

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, silently willing my erection to go away. It'd be humiliating if Sage shifted just a fraction and discovered my not quite little secret. I put my hands on her hips and slowly shifted her as much away from my groin as I could get her while still keeping her close. She shot me a look over her shoulder, but I gave her my best innocent smile and shrugged.

Several rounds later I was silently thankful that this wasn't a play-for-keeps because I would've probably lost Sage in a bet.

I groaned and rolled my eyes. Slamming my cards down, I sighed, "Fold."

Char nodded. "Fold."

Peter smirked and threw his cards down, one flipping over for all to see and Sage lunged for it, snatching it off the table. Her other hand slammed down on my cards and she glared at Peter.

"Sweetheart? What's up?"

The card she'd taken from Peter was the Ace of Spades. She quickly flipped over my cards to reveal the Queen of Spades, the Two of Hearts, the…

_Well paint me blue and call me a Smurf_…

The Ace of Spades.

"You fucker! I knew you were fuckin' cheatin'!" I yelled.

Charlotte simply laughed. "Sugar, you've been watchin' Jasper's hand the whole time, how'd you know?"

Sage smiled smugly and said, "I put no fuckery past Peter."

Peter glared at her. "But how'd you _know_?" he asked.

She smirked. "I've been watching you out of the corner of my eye… I've seen you pulling the extra cards from your sleeve… I used to be really good at sleight of hand, so I know what I'm looking at when I see it. I just had to wait for you to fuck up and show me a matching card."

I laughed at that and hugged her around the middle. "And _that_ is why I want her on my lap, Char. She misses nothing."

_Not entirely true, but I think she's more ignoring my subtle hints than not catching them._

Sage drained her glass and opened the water bottle. "It's what happens when everyone ignores you. You learn to watch and listen."

My arm reflexively wrapped around her waist at that, pulling her flush against me. "I don't ignore you." I whispered so only she could hear.

Peter poured more Mama Juana in her glass, shooting me a sidelong glance.

She smiled and turned her head to whisper, "I know." In my ear before lighting another cigarette for me as Charlotte dealt the next hand. I had been letting her light the cigarettes for a while… her lip gloss was on them that way… and I loved the strawberry sweetness her lips provided during that cursory puff.

"So…" Peter drawled. "Sage, Truth… or Dare?"

"Oh, Jesus." I groaned.

"Dude, Peter, are you twelve?" Sage asked.

"Pick, woman!"

Sage rolled her eyes and allowed her head to loll back onto my shoulder. "_Truth_." She ground out.

"How many times a day do you use _Buzz_?" he imitated the sound of a bee.

She smirked. "I wouldn't say every _day_… whenever I feel like it."

"Who do you fantasize about?"

"Uh-uh! _My_ turn." She cried. "Why are you so against Char having a B_uzz_? All it means is she enjoys you that much more."

"Says the girl who's never had a stiff one." He grunted.

"Pete!" I chastised.

He smirked. "You don't get to complain either, Virgin Jasper."

My cheeks immediately flamed and Sage turned in my lap, eyebrow raised, to stare at me. "Seriously?" I closed my eyes and nodded minutely. "Wow, I guess I shoulda let Victoria have you at prom… she'd have been glad to take care of that for you." She smirked, but I didn't appreciate the joke and she rolled her eyes. "Lighten up, Jazz. You're like Walking Sex and I can't even give it away."

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Shut up, Sage." I nudged her cheek with mine and threw in a few chips for a Call.

"So, Peter, how 'bout it? Why do you hate Buzz so much?"

Peter scowled at his cards, his lips pursed in concentration. "Because I got a big fuckin' dick and that little… _Buzz_ is fuckin' with my rhythm."

"What rhythm?" She asked and I choked on a laugh.

"Uh… Sweetie, he's talking about—"

"I know what he's talking about." She sneered, holding up the cigarette for me and I gratefully took a drag. "I just saw him dance tonight and personally I think if that's any indication, there wasn't much to throw off."

Peter's jaw dropped as I slapped the table repeatedly, trying to breathe and Char shoved her fist in her mouth to keep from laughing.

"_That_ was payback for making me admit that I fly solo with Jasper in the next room. I'm sure that's _real_ comfortable for him to know."

Peter snorted. "Call me crazy, but I've got a sneakin' suspicion he don't mind." I felt my eyes go wide and my jaw lock as I wished I could make his head explode with my mind.

But Sage ignored him. "Char, you were talking about getting—"

"NO MORE TOYS!" Peter yelled as Char and Sage collapsed into giggles. "Drink your damn rum and keep quiet. Don't be giving her more ideas!"

Sage quaked with laughter, burying her face in my neck while Peter alternated between glaring at her and winking at me.

"Drink your damn rum."

"Dude, you realize that the times I've previously had alcohol are easily counted on one hand? Are you _trying_ to get me drunk?"

He gave her a look of utmost innocence. "What a thing to say, Darlin'! Of course not!"

"Alright…" I chided. "Enough. I say it's time we all turn in."

"Agreed." Charlotte sighed, throwing down her cards. "Maybe if I give Peter a little somethin'-somethin', he'll get off Sage's case."

Peter rolled his eyes at that. "Yeah… whatever."

Sage smirked and stood up, quite steady for as much alcohol as she'd had. "Thank God for _small_ favors." She winked at Char and Peter turned red as she headed for the door.

He looked pointedly at me. "Better you get _on_ her case…"

"Shut the fuck up or I will light you on fire." I growled, following Sage out.

She was waiting for me down the way and smiled as I wrapped an arm around her and led her down to our room.

"I can't believe you actually caught him cheating." I laughed as I unlocked the door.

"What else was I gonna do just sitting there?" she replied as I let her in.

I shrugged. "I dunno… see how the game's played?"

"Oh, I got that on the first round. The rest of the time, I needed something to do." She smirked and immediately grabbed one of the toiletry bags. "Thank God for travel toothbrushes."

I smiled as she yawned. "Here," I quickly unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it off, silently thankful for the undershirt I'd put on. "Don't want you fallin' outta that top." I teased and she stuck her tongue out at me.

"Thanks, Jazz." She yawned again, disappearing into the bathroom with the shirt and the bag.

When she was done changing, she opened the door so I could brush my teeth too and the sight that met my eyes once I entered the bathroom had me instantly hard.

She'd removed her shirt and replaced it with mine, though I could still make out the intricate black lace pattern beneath; but she'd also removed her jeans, so her creamy, smooth legs stuck out the bottom of the shirt.

_Don't stare, Fucktard!_

I averted my gaze as quickly as possible and focused on brushing my teeth, as did she.

"Remind me never to let Peter pour my drinks again; he's got a heavy hand." She groaned around her toothbrush.

My brow furrowed as I glanced at her in the mirror. "You feeling OK?" I asked when I'd spit and rinsed my mouth.

She did the same and when she stood up, she stumbled a little. I caught her around the waist as she said, "Woo… Yeah, I'm just… really light-headed… I think that stuff's stronger than I thought."

I smiled. "Yeah, it does pack a punch." She swayed a little on her feet and I scooped her up and sat her on the counter.

"Jas, what are you—"

"Hush up." I scolded playfully, smiling as I grabbed a washcloth from the shelf and ran it under the cold water. I rung it out and began gently patting it against the flushed skin of her cheeks and neck. She smiled and closed her eyes at the coolness. "Better?"

"Yeah…" she murmured and when she opened her eyes, she immediately smiled, locking me in her gaze. She reached up until her tiny hand was pressing into mine against her neck and I felt my breath hitch.

_You know you want to…_

_It would be so fucking easy…_

The air between us felt electric and I knew from the look in her eyes that she felt it too. We never broke eye contact and I hadn't even noticed I'd closed the distance between us until I felt her breath on my face.

_Just fucking—_

I closed the remaining distance, brushing my lips lightly against hers, an experiment to see if she'd respond. My heart stuttered as her lips pressed back eagerly and I groaned as her arms wound around my neck, pulling me down to her.

My hands found purchase on her hips, pulling her forward until she was sitting on the very edge of the counter and I could stand between her legs, pulling her closer.

_Hold it…_

_She's been drinking…_

_She's a lightweight, you _know_ she's a lightweight…_

_Maybe this isn't what she wants._

_But it feels so…_

_Right._

I bit back my groan at my obsessive inner monologue and pulled away from her slowly. We were both panting and I couldn't suppress the smile that formed when I saw how swollen her lips were and the vibrant flush that had overtaken her cheeks.

"We can't do this… Not right now." I murmured. She nodded silently. "I want you to want to kiss me back… when we're _both_ sober."

She nodded again. "Yeah…" she smiled and I moved to let her slide onto her feet. She disappeared back into the room and I took a deep breath, giving myself a hard look in the mirror.

The part of me that wanted to keep going was screaming _IDIOT!_ at me.

The part of me that cared too much about Sage to let this be a drunken mistake was screaming at the loss of such heavenly contact.

I sighed and turned out the light before heading back into the room. Sage was already under the covers of the bed closest to the door. She gave me a small smile and burrowed deeper under the comforter.

"Cold?"

She nodded. "Yeah. This thing's paper-thin."

I pulled off my boots and my belt before turning off the light. I stood and stared into the darkness for a moment, debating with myself, but Sage broke me out of my thoughts.

"Jazz? What are you doing?"

"Just thinking." I replied, shaking my head.

I heard her scoff into the darkness. "Think closer to the bed, I'm cold."

Chuckling, I climbed in next to her, pulling the comforter and sheet over us both, and smiled as she immediately curled into my side.

"Night, Jas."

"Night, Sweetie."

_**Sage POV**_

I groaned and rolled over, smiling as something soft and warm moved beneath my cheek. Someone was playing with my hair, lightly stroking the back of my neck, which only made me smile more. I buried my face into the warm, soft something and groaned again as I took in the smell of worn leather, soap, and cologne.

And then I opened my eyes and was met with Jasper's smiling green orbs.

"Good morning." He greeted.

I stifled a yawn into his chest. "Morning." I mumbled and sat up. "What the hell did I miss last night?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "What are you talking about?"

"I spaced out somewhere after catching Peter cheating." I replied. "That Mama Juana is some strong stuff."

I thought I caught the faintest hint of sadness in his eyes, but it was quickly gone. "You don't remember anything after catching him cheating?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head. "Well," I shrugged. "Bits and pieces here and there… I remember walking to this room… and crawling into bed. I'm pretty sure I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow."

He simply nodded. "Yeah… Yeah, you were."

I frowned and lifted my head from his chest. "OK, what'd I miss? Do I snore or something?"

Jasper rolled his eyes and shook his head. "No! You didn't miss anything. Now calm down and get dressed." I looked down and my jaw popped open. I had no idea how I'd ended up in Jasper's shirt and minus mine and my pants. "I thought it'd be more comfortable to sleep in." he answered my unspoken question. "In fairness, I didn't realize you'd take off your pants as well." He held up his hands. "Perfect gentleman. I didn't see a thing."

I glared at him and attempted to crawl away and out of the bed without flashing anything. I vaguely wondered if I should squat down to cover my legs with the shirt and try to hobble to the bathroom that way, but I realized I'd probably end up falling on my face and flashing some ass in the process… and of _course_ I'd picked the hot pink lace cheekies, so there was definitely ass to be flashed.

I made it to the bathroom and quickly changed back into my jeans and top before tossing Jasper's shirt out the door. It landed on his head with a soft _thwump_ and he chuckled as he pulled it back on and came in to brush his teeth.

"Did you at least have fun? I mean… minus the heavy-handed rum?" he asked.

I nodded, thinking, trying to remember what I'd missed that he wasn't telling me, because I _knew_ he wasn't telling me everything… but I kept coming up blank. When I finally spit and rinsed my mouth, I said, "OK, tell me the truth. How much time did I lose? What, seriously, did I miss?" he raised an eyebrow at me as he rinsed his mouth. "Flying midgets… Paris Hilton on Parade… Did I make out with Peter? WHAT?"

"Nothing." His voice had suddenly gone hoarse and I _knew_ it was a flat-out lie.

I inhaled deeply. "Fine. Then I'm gonna say it and I never thought I'd have to." He raised an eyebrow at me. "Jasper Nathaniel Whitlock, _you_ are a scummy, crummy liar." And I turned on my heel and stormed out to the room, pausing only to grab my shoes, before heading straight out into the cool morning air.

"Sage! Come on!" he yelled after me as I yanked down the tailgate on the truck and hopped up onto it so I could actually put my shoes on. "It's not like it was anything important and I don't really remember too much of what it was." He pleaded, but I could tell he was still lying. By the look in his eyes, I was missing something _huge_. "You got in some really good digs on Peter, that's all."

I scrutinized him carefully. He still wasn't giving me the whole truth. He knew it. I knew it. And he knew I knew it.

"_You_ do not lie to _me_." I growled. "So the fact that you _are_ lying to me makes me want to punch you, but I can't, because I'm probably going to have to hit Emmett when we get home… so here's how this goes… You and I?" I pointed to him and then to myself. "_We_ are _not_ OK. And until you tell me what I've missed… We are not going to be OK." I hopped down and closed the tailgate before stomping around to the passenger side. "Move it, Whitlock! I've got a pissed off brother to patronize."

By the time we got home, I was significantly calmer, but I had a sneaking suspicion Jasper had some sort of secret super power that kept me from staying angry at him. It was annoying.

_Oh look, pissed off again. Yay._

I climbed out of the truck, grabbed my purse from under the seat, and turned toward the house, catching a brief glimpse of something orange and wrecked. I spun and felt my jaw go slack as I took in my car.

The hood was dented and curled in on itself in places; the fiberglass spoiler on the back was in pieces littering the ground behind it; the windshield was smashed; and the sunroof was cracked. It looked as though someone had taken a Louisville Slugger to it.

"Holy. Fucking. Shit."

Not me.

Jasper.

"My… car… My _fucking car_!" I screamed and Jasper grabbed me roughly, pulling me into a hug, more to keep me from doing anything rash than give me comfort. "My fucking car!" I screamed into his chest. "I bought that car with my own fucking money! I saved for three years!"

Now don't get me wrong, my Bug wasn't the best. There was a problem with air leaking into the fuel tank, which always sent some sensor or other haywire and I swore up and down Rose had to replace my headlights every month, but it was _my_ car! It was only a few years old and it was in perfect condition. I liked the color. Mrs. Newton had purposely _not_ sold it because she knew I wanted it, so she waited three years for me to save up seven thousand dollars to be able to buy it outright.

Do you have any idea how many high school book reports I had to edit at five dollars a page? All that time and aggravation wasted… because Emmett was such a Control Freaking Fucktard.

Suddenly, my anger at Jasper was completely nonexistent, but it felt as though a red film were covering my eyes, and my rage was so that I quaked in Jasper's arms.

"It's OK." He murmured into my hair. "I know, I know… we'll deal with him. It's OK…"

The front door slammed and light footsteps hurried down the walk. "Sage?"

Rosalie.

Second on my shit list.

If she hadn't lied about the whole Ed_weird_ bullshit in the first place, I wouldn't have been standing there looking at the festering carcass that was my car.

"Sage?"

"Rose, in case you haven't noticed, Sage is a bit on the livid side. I'd say back off." Jasper snarled. "You should've stopped him."

"I didn't know what he was gonna do!" she cried indignantly. She huffed and I buried my face into Jasper's chest, silently willing myself to calm down and not move. "I didn't know until I heard the windshield smash… and when I got out here, he'd popped the hood and was swinging at it… I've never seen him so angry."

"Yeah, because he's losing control!"

"I told him he needs to get help…"

Jasper scoffed. "Let me guess… he's not."

"No, he is…" Rosalie answered. "He feels really bad… He's inside."

And my head shot up. "Where's the bat?" Rosalie blinked. "Where's the fucking bat, Rosalie? I know that's what he used!"

She shifted uncomfortably. "It's in the entry… Please don't smash the Jeep, Sage… We need a utility vehicle."

I was off like a shot and through the front door before Jasper could stop me, clicking the deadbolt into position. I grabbed the bat, smirking. I hadn't realized Emmett actually owned a Louisville Slugger. I'd compliment him on his taste later.

He was in the living room, sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, but he looked up as I thumped the working end of the bat on the floor.

"Go ahead… I deserve it." He murmured.

"Yeah, you do."

"I'll fix the Bug… We'll get the parts and I'll do the work myself."

"No."

"Sage, I'm sorry, OK? Just let me fix—"

I raised the bat and brought it crashing down against the coffee table with a sickening smack. The sound of splintering wood barely registered, and I neither knew nor cared if it was the bat or the coffee table cracking. He stopped, so I got the desired reaction. I could hear Rosalie and Jasper fumbling with the lock and then the door opened and I heard them tear in behind me.

"You think you can fix this by fixing my car? After you violated my space, my trust, and then the car that I worked my _ass_ off for three years to buy? The car that I scrimped and saved and didn't even buy new clothes for? The car that I refused to buy a laptop for and stuck with that crappy piece of shit Dell that Uncle Charlie had just so I didn't have to waste money? I don't want you to fix it. I don't _trust_ you to fix it." He looked as though I'd punched him, but I didn't care. "What you _are_ gonna do is tow it to the junk yard, have it stripped, and bring me back the money. What you _are_ gonna do is pass out business cards and flyers all over the surrounding area colleges and you're gonna talk me up 'til you're blue in the face because I _don't want anything from you_!" I screamed the last part and felt both Jasper and Rose cringe. "I'll get a new car. And I'll get it myself." I threw the bat on the coffee table. "Because I can take care of myself."

I turned on my heel, smiling internally as Jasper and Rose, who'd been standing shoulder to shoulder, parted like the Red Sea parted for Moses. I grabbed my keys off the hook, intent on cleaning out my personal effects from the Bug.

_**End Note: Leave me a review and I'll send you a teaser. You know you want to!**_


	11. Fight Music

_**A/N: Still no ownage.**_

_**This story is rated M for language, themes, situations, and future lemons. If you are under the age of 18, please do not read this story.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday for pre-reading.**_

_**I love HammerHips. She's the Schwoogie-Muffin to my Red Hot Mama.**_

Chapter 10: Fight Music

_It's drastic  
And I'm passed my limit of coke  
I think I'll up my high by slitting your throat  
Push a baby carriage into the street  
Till it's minced meat  
Your mens been beat  
The minute I step foot on your street  
This is fight music!_

-"Fight Music" by D12

_**Sage POV**_

So… Maybe the decision to buy myself another car was not the smartest. I was forced to rely on Emmett, Rose, and Jasper to get me to and from school unless I took the bus, which frequently ran behind. Tuesday was the only day I was on campus and Jasper wasn't, so he'd taken to occasionally just handing over the keys to his truck.

I didn't expect the same from Rosalie, and I really didn't want to take responsibility for the M3; Jasper's truck had scratches and dings from the inept drivers we went to school with. Emmett's Jeep, well, I wasn't big enough—literally—to drive it.

It was depressing to only be handed $3000 for the remains of the Bug, especially since I had my eyes on a newer one, possibly a convertible. Since I couldn't afford a car yet, I wasn't eager to make a decision. Jasper had urged only once for me to dip into my savings, but that was my Escape Emmett money… I needed it. I didn't _need_ a car. I had no problem taking the bus.

True to his word though, Emmett was getting help… from Carmen, much to my chagrin. She'd asked if I wanted to have another family session, but truth be told, I wasn't ready to lay into Emmett just yet. I was still angry about the Bug, about the Edward disaster, about the past eight years, about… everything.

Because the fact of the matter was that I no longer had any respect for Emmett. He'd clearly never had any for me. But as much as that was the case, I loved my big, idiotic lug of a brother and I didn't want to hurt him. I knew that revelation would hurt him.

Jasper was actually quite keen on the idea and I kept calling him my Bitchy Little Friend, much to his disgust.

_Speaking of_…

"Jas? You giving me a ride today?" I called, knocking on his door.

"Just a sec, Pete. Come on in, Sage!" he called and I shoved the door open and stepped inside. He was at his desk with his Ethics text open and his cell phone on the desk. "What's up, Sweetie?"

"Are you gonna give me a ride?" I held up my Literature book. "My class starts in an hour and I need to see my professor beforehand."

"_Hey, Killer_." Ah. The joys of speaker phone.

"Hi, Peter."

"Yeah, give me just a minute. I need to get to the library anyhow." He finished whatever he was reading, closed his book and slipped it in his bag, grabbed his phone, and followed me out.

"_So anyhow, yeah mom and dad are pissed because they can't find any English riders_."

"Well Pete, what the hell do you fuckin' expect? This is California, not London."

"I ride English." I mumbled, slightly offended.

Jasper stopped in his tracks, just staring at me. Then he said, "Pete, hold on." And pressed the phone to his chest to muffle the conversation. "You ride Western."

I shook my head. "I ride Western with you and Rose, but when Uncle Charlie paid for my lessons, I chose to ride English."

He blinked at me several times. "Pete… Sage rides English."

"_You're shittin' me_!"

I rolled my eyes. "I've never gotten the purpose of that phrase, but no, I am not _shitting_ you."

"_Well thank you Reese Witherspoon. Your Oscar's in the fuckin' mail. You seriously ride English, _

_Parsley_?"

"Yeah… Why?"

Jasper glanced at his watch. "Hey, Pete, let's discuss this later. I've gotta get Sage to class."

"_Alright, call me later. Parsley, no hitting your brother with the baseball bat… wait 'til I'm there to watch_."

I rolled my eyes. "Right." I deadpanned.

Jasper hung up the phone and followed me out to the truck.

"You ready for Thanksgiving?" he asked as he pulled onto the highway.

I cringed. "No… mid-terms are right after it."

He pulled a face. "Having trouble with Chemistry again?"

I shrugged. "Alec tries to explain stuff through e-mail… it's just kinda difficult when you have to wait twenty minutes to an hour for a response." He nodded. "But Uncle Charlie and Bella are coming, that ought to be fun."

Jasper smiled. "I haven't met Bella yet."

"Yeah… she's really nice and pretty. I miss her." I sighed. "She always tried to act like a buffer between Emmett and I when she could."

"Like me?"

"Yeah, but you're more of a Piss Off Buffer, she tried to keep the peace." I teased.

He had the sense to at least _look_ offended, even if he didn't feel it. "_Rude_."

"_Honest_." I retorted and he laughed.

"So… how are things?" he asked seriously.

"What things?"

He shot me a sidelong glance as we pulled onto the bridge. "You know what I'm talking about."

I shook my head, sighing. "Jas, I really don't feel like talking about Emmett."

Jasper frowned. "You never do anymore. I ask you every day and you say you don't feel like talking about it."

"Well you'd think you'd get the hint then that I don't want to talk about it." I bit out sarcastically.

The look on his face told me I'd stung him, but I didn't much care. He knew if I wanted to talk, I would, and that he didn't need to hover. I wondered idly if he was surreptitiously trying to keep my mind on Emmett to keep me from being angry at him for the fact that I knew he was still keeping some big thing from me from that night out with Peter and Char.

"I didn't mean to push." He grumbled at my lack of apology.

"You gonna tell me what I missed yet?"

He groaned and lightly smacked his forehead against the steering wheel as we pulled up to a stop light. "I'm _not_ keeping anything from you!" he cried.

"I'm _not_ buying that!" I imitated his tone perfectly. He glared at me and I glared at him. "I'm not an idiot, Jas. You're a horrible liar when you're doing it to me. Just tell me what the hell I missed."

Jasper shook his head and said, deadpan, "We made out like fiends. There. Ya happy?"

I rolled my eyes. "You're such an ass."

He whispered something that sounded like "Yeah, I know", but I couldn't be sure.

By the time we got to campus, I only had twenty minutes until class, so I took off at a run straight from the truck.

"I'll be on the third floor of the library!" he yelled after me and all I could do was wave over my shoulder at him.

Literature was one of my favorite classes, especially European Lit. We were studying Tolstoy, so I had a few things I wanted to discuss. Funnily enough, I knew _War and Peace_ was one of Jasper's favorite books, but he'd been such a mother hen, pecking away at the Emmett issue, that I hadn't wanted to even try to open a discussion with him about it.

My professor was a short, squat Egyptian fellow by the name of Amun Massri. He had kind eyes and a nice smile and I liked the fact that he seemed to appreciate my random spots of brilliance whenever I analyzed a book. Most of my high school teachers hadn't understood how I saw some of these things, but Professor Massri did.

Unfortunately, when I got to his office, there was a sign on his door that stated he wasn't in, so I headed to the lecture hall only to find that class had been cancelled.

_Great waste of gas… great waste of e-mail too_.

I hated our TA's. Molly and Siobhan were idiots at best and utter morons at worst. They were supposed to send a mass e-mail when class was cancelled, but never did. I huffed and headed over to the library.

When I finally found Jasper, he was talking to a tiny wisp of a woman with short black hair.

_Interesting_.

I immediately stopped my approach.

He looked… happy? Maybe that was it; it was a different kind of happy… the kind he'd had before I'd screwed everything up between him and Maria. He was smiling and talking animatedly to her and she was laughing and touching his arm.

_Oh geez, get a fucking grip. I've seen him flirt before_.

A fraction of my brain was dedicated to the notion of soundly whacking this new person over the head with my thick, ten pound Literature text, but thankfully, it was a _small_ portion of my brain.

But of course, at that moment, Jasper _had_ to notice me.

"Sage, what's up?" his brow furrowed and the woman turned to look at me. She was pretty.

I sighed. "My class was cancelled. I was just coming to tell you I'd take the bus home."

He shook his head. "Uh… Sage this is Alice Brandon. She's in my Ethics class."

She waved. "Hi!"

I gave a small wave in return. I didn't do well with new people.

"Alice, this is Sage McCarty, one of my roommates."

My eyebrows shot up at that. _Roommate_?

I was a fucking _roommate_?

When the hell did I get knocked down from friend to _roommate_?

Something about the look on my face told Jasper he'd made a very big misstep and he shot me an apologetic look.

"Nice to meet you." I said to Alice. "Anyhow… taking the bus."

"I can drive you home, Jasper."

_Say huh, Bitch_?

Jasper smiled at her. "Alice and I are going for coffee." He explained, tossing me the keys. "I'll catch a ride with her."

"OK." I turned.

"Careful in that parking garage! You know those idiots take the turns at crazy speeds!"

I waved over my shoulder to show that I'd heard him and continued on my way, stopping on the second floor to check on a book I was waitlisted for. No go.

I hated parking garages, but it was close to my class, so Jasper always parked in it if he wasn't just dropping me off. I preferred to walk the extra half-mile around campus because parking garages always screamed _Ted Bundy _to me.

As I got closer to the truck, I couldn't help but feel eerily as though someone were following me. I immediately sped my pace, feeling a sudden wash of relief as the black Dodge Dakota came into view.

_And of course, all good things…_

Something hit me. Hard.

I met the concrete, catching myself on my hands and rolling immediately to see Maria hovering

over me, her foot raised. "Le dije que le mataría, la perra." **(I told you I'd kill you, bitch)**. She brought her foot down and I rolled quickly, using the momentum to force myself to my feet.

_Shit! What the fuck! _

_ Jasper taught you some Jiu Jitsu! Fucking use it!_

_ She's got the same moves! They teach them all that in Basic!_

_ Fuck!_

I spun just as Maria punched out at me and caught me in square in the chest. I sucked in a hard breath and moved, dropping my bag off my shoulder and swinging it at her as hard as I could. She knocked it away easily and it skidded across the concrete.

"Maria, seriously—"

"Shut up!" her eyes were wild and I knew I was in trouble. "Jasper would rather have you… so I'll give you back in pieces!"

_Oh fuck. She's fucking nuts. _

_ I knew that. Whole super soldier shit? Totally Mad Scientist worthy._

She lunged for me and shoved, knocking me against a concrete pylon and my head connected with a sickening _crack!_ Lights popped in front of my eyes and I staggered, narrowly dodging out of the way as she kicked out at me, but then I fell and she was on me, kicking and stomping.

My first instinct told me to cover my face and head, but she seemed more interested in my chest and stomach.

_Channel that inner Classic Hilary Swank and Next Karate Kid her…_

_ Right. Who's my Miyagi?_

I heard people yelling and barely recognized the voices, but I didn't have time to wait for their help. I knocked her foot out of the way as she brought it down on me again, grabbed the ankle she was balanced on, and pulled her foot out from under her. Her eyes went wide as she fell backward and her head connected with the cement parking spot barrier with a _thud_.

"Sage! Sage, are you OK? Oh my God!"

Heidi.

"Sage, Baby, can you hear me?"

Felix.

"Don't move her! She might have a spinal injury!"

Demetri.

I blinked furiously, trying to focus on Felix's face as he hovered above me.

"We saw the whole thing, Baby, don't worry. Jane's calling an ambulance."

And it was true. I heard Jane's voice, disjointed and laced with upset, as she spoke to some unknown person, but she was out of my line of vision.

My chest hurt. I could already feel the bruise from that initial punch, and my head was throbbing. My ribs and stomach were on fire and I tasted metal, so I was bleeding from some point on or in my mouth.

"Stay with me, Baby, it's OK. It's OK." Felix was coaxing, but I couldn't focus on him anymore.

I was searching for some other anchor, something to keep me grounded. My eyes roved over Heidi's worried expression, Demetri's horrified one, I tried seeking out Jane but found no purchase.

_Shoulda begged Jasper to take me home…_

And then I saw black.

_**Jasper POV**_

I felt horrible lying to Sage, not just because I was lying to her, but because I truly wanted her to remember our kiss. But my rational mind kept telling me that maybe there was a reason she forgot. Maybe our first kiss wasn't meant to be under the influence, or maybe it just shouldn't have happened at all. Maybe she hadn't wanted it to happen.

That last one gave me a hollow feeling in my chest.

It pained me even worse that deep down, I knew we weren't OK. I wasn't forgiven. And while I could rationalize that Sage had lied to me about her depression, my omission about the IED cancelled that one out. I had no reason to lie to her other than my fear of rejection… of changing our friendship into an awkward silence.

I knew it wasn't right to keep things from her and I knew I was hurting her feelings by doing so, but part of me hoped she'd eventually just forget about it.

_Not fucking likely. _

Sage has eidetic memory. Well… when she's sober, she has eidetic memory. There was no fucking way she was going to forget it.

But I was desperate to get things back to normal, so I'd even ambiguously said that we'd kissed… and she'd thought I was joking with her. She thought I was _joking_.

_Talk about putting your balls in a blender…_

What was I supposed to do?

I wanted her to know… but I wanted her to remember.

And I didn't want her to think kissing me was a laughing matter.

I could only hope that one day she'd either remember on her own and not hate me, or she'd just let it go, because I couldn't bring myself to face the possibility of her rejection.

By the time I made it into the library, I was feeling pretty damn sorry for myself. I'd actually wandered aimlessly around the third floor for a few minutes before heading for the Ethics section.

And as if we'd agreed to meet there and she was merely waiting for me, there was Alice Brandon. I hadn't had much of a chance to talk to Alice after classes, so I was pleasantly surprised when she was in the Ethics section again.

I also hadn't noticed until then though, that she wore a silver ring on her left hand, and I immediately felt uneasy.

"It's a Purity Ring." She answered my unspoken question.

I nodded. "I've heard of those."

"It's just a way to affirm to the Lord that you'll stay a virgin until you're married. Those with a close relationship with God often pursue the vow." She smiled sweetly. "Please don't feel uncomfortable."

I shook my head. "Not at all." And then I smiled. "How's that paper coming? You decided yet what the difference is?"

She rolled her eyes and I was forced to laugh. "I'm almost finished with it actually. I was thinking I might send it off to some editor who's got all these flyers plastered all over campus, but I'm not sure… it's a lot of money."

"Who's the editor?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Uh… Gosh! I can't remember… it's an herb of some kind…" she began shuffling papers in her bag, looking for something.

"Sage?"

"That's it! How'd you know?"

_Because my entire existence has always been about Sage…_

"She's one of my roommates. She's really good. Definitely worth the money." I grinned as she seemed to believe me, her brown eyes sparkling.

"Well, I guess I'll have to see if she's got the time to edit for me then." She replied, her hand moving to lightly touch my arm.

I laughed. "I guess so." And then I suddenly felt bold. "Would… would you want to go grab some coffee?"

She blushed and nodded. "I'd love to." She answered.

A sudden movement caught my attention and my eyes trailed past Alice to further down the aisle. Sage was paused at the mouth of the walkway, seemingly hesitant to interrupt. "Sage, what's up?" I called.

"My class was cancelled. I was just coming to tell you I'd take the bus home."

I'm sure she hadn't realized it, but her voice was thick, as though her throat were constricted.

I suddenly felt the need to explain myself.

"Uh… Sage, this is Alice Brandon. She's in my Ethics class."

Alice waved happily. "Hi!"

Sage only gave the slightest wave, though whether it was the normal Stranger Danger or something more, I hadn't a clue.

"Alice, this is Sage McCarty, one of my roommates." As soon as the word left my mouth, I knew I'd fucked up. Sage's expression was mutinous, as though she might hurl that thick book she was carrying at me. I tried to apologize with my eyes, but she dismissed me immediately with a roll of the eyes.

"Nice to meet you." Sage finally conceded. "Anyhow… taking the bus."

"I can drive you home, Jasper." Alice interjected, causing Sage to pause mid-turn.

I couldn't help but smile at her thoughtfulness. "Alice and I are going for coffee. I'll catch a ride with her." I gave Sage what I hoped was a placating smile and tossed her my keys.

"OK." She caught them deftly in her nimble fingers, turned and began walking away.

And then suddenly I felt the need for her to know I still cared. "Careful in that parking garage! You know those idiots take the turns at crazy speeds." I called after her. She simply waved over her shoulder and kept going. I felt slightly deflated. I'd hurt her feelings by not introducing her as my friend. But I turned back to Alice and smiled. "Shall we?" I asked, offering her my arm.

"We shall." She replied, linking her arm with mine, and we made our way out to her car in the parking lot over by the Science building. I was forced to stop and stare as we came upon a banana yellow Porsche 911 Turbo and Alice immediately tossed her bag in the trunk and climbed in. "Well?" she giggled.

Shaking my head, I climbed in. "Nice car."

"Thanks. It's my baby."

An hour later, Alice and I were engrossed in our conversation over the difference between morally right and legally right when my cell phone buzzed.

"Shit." I groaned. "Excuse me." I pulled it out to find a text from Rosalie.

_Mercy Hospital ER. Sage._

I felt my eyes go wide and my heart thudded in my chest. I quickly hit the _Call_ button and waited anxiously for Rose to pick up.

"_Jasper_." Her voice was trembling.

"Rose, what happened?"

"_We're not sure yet… The police are interviewing the kids from her study group_."

_The fuck?_

Before I could reign it in, I felt the familiar panic signals: the cold sweat, the muscles tensing, and I forced out a whisper, "What's going on?"

"_They just brought her in… One of the kids got her phone from her bag and called Emmett._"

I took a deep breath, trying to center myself, and thought back to combat training.

_Pressure points._

"I'll be there soon." I hung up and leaned forward on my elbows for a minute, ducking my head and tapping out as steady a rhythm as I could manage against the pressure point on my neck, taking a deep breath as I began to calm. "Alice," I managed to murmur. "I hate to cut this short but I need to get to Mercy Hospital. Can you take me?" she nodded. We stood quickly and I followed her out to her car.

"Everything OK?" she asked timidly.

"I don't know yet… that was my sister on the phone. Sage's been in some kind of accident."

Just saying it out loud caused another round of tension to ripple through me and I was forced to continue tapping my neck as Alice drove.

Alice apparently had no qualms breaking traffic laws when necessary and I was thankful she kept quiet and let me think as she drove. Different scenarios were going through my mind; car accidents were prominent among them, but bile rose in my throat at the possibility of rape.

She dropped me off at the ER entrance and I thanked her and dashed inside. Rosalie was waiting for me, bouncing anxiously on the balls of her feet as Emmett sat in the waiting area with his head in his hands. I recognized the kids from the study group sitting further away, looking anxious.

"What happened?" I asked immediately as Rose hugged me.

"We don't know… the girls are really upset and they're having trouble talking."

"Where's Sage?"

Rosalie motioned for me to calm down and lower my voice. "They took her for a CT Scan. That was about fifteen minutes ago." She was white as a sheet. "She came in unconscious… she doesn't look good."

My stomach dropped into my feet and I immediately turned to Jane, Heidi, Demetri, and Felix, marching straight over and sitting across from them. "What happened?" I asked, my voice coming out a rasp.

Jane sniffled. "We were behind her going into the garage…" she began in a shuddering breath. "And this… this woman just ran at her and knocked her down… and Sage tried to get her off and hit her with her bag, but-but—"

_Calm down. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. Calm down._

It wasn't working. No matter how hard I tried, I was shaking and starting to hyperventilate.

_Calm. Calm. Calm…_

Felix tucked Jane's face into the crook of his neck, wrapping a protective arm around her. "The woman knocked her into a pylon and started kicking Sage… and we were running to help her, but Sage yanked her foot out from under her and she hit her head on a barrier really hard… and then Jane called nine-one-one and Heidi called Emmett." He finished.

I sat in stunned silence, processing. And then it dawned on me… "Who was the woman?"

They all shrugged.

"None of you knew her?"

They shook their heads.

Then Heidi sighed. "I think Sage called her _Maria_." My eyes went wide and she shifted uncomfortably. "I _think_." She stressed. "I think I heard her say _'Maria, seriously'_… Like she was trying to get her to calm down."

My mind was blank. I kept trying to jumpstart it, but there was this buzzing, making my brain feel as though it had gone numb. And then…

_Maria._

_She went after Sage._

_What did she say to Sage in the club? Something Sage didn't want to tell me about. I should've pushed._

_Sage is hurt because I brought Maria into her life._

I stood so suddenly they all jumped in surprise and I backed myself against the far wall of the waiting room before sliding down to hug my knees to my chest. I kept trying to get a handle on my breathing, but my vision was becoming cloudy and muddled.

I have no idea how much time passed, how long I sat curled into a ball, but Rosalie's hand on my shoulder immediately snapped me out of my dazed state. "Jasper, they're bringing her back from CT." She murmured, giving my shoulder a light squeeze. I rose slowly, completely numb, and followed my sister and Emmett down the hall and into an empty patient room.

Moments later, they wheeled a bed in and my heart leapt to my throat. The right side of Sage's face was a sickly green and growing into a darker purple very quickly; even under the hospital gown, I could see the distension of her stomach from where she'd been kicked; and on the left side of her head, at the hairline, there was a two-inch gash that had been stitched up and covered in a steri-strip; her lower lip was split and swollen, though it wasn't deep enough to require stitches.

I sucked in a hard breath. "Where's the other?" I asked the nurse.

She scowled. "She's gone… Something about a brain hemorrhage." Her look softened as she gazed at Sage. "Poor thing… they said she was just trying to get to her car."

I nodded.

_Maria's gone…_

_Felix said she hit her head._

I almost felt guilty at the relief I felt by the revelation.

Almost.

She'd attacked Sage _again_. I couldn't bring myself to feel bad.

The doctor entered then and put the scans up on the lighting board. "You're her family?" he asked over his shoulder. We nodded. "She doesn't have a concussion, no bleeding. Other than being pretty banged up, she's got some bruised ribs, but nothing's broken—no internal bleeding that we can tell—but we'd like to keep her here for a few days for observation." He nodded at the nurse as she injected something into the IV line leading to the crook of Sage's right elbow. "I'd like to keep her sedated for a while. The rib pain will be pretty severe, so she won't be conscious for at least a day or two."

Emmett's head shot up. "You want to put her in a chemical coma?" he accused.

"Em, calm down." Rose murmured soothingly.

"Mister McCarty, what you need to understand is that your sister has suffered a severe amount of trauma. Her attacker was wearing steel-toe boots."

We all winced at the revelation.

_And if Maria weren't dead, I'd fuckin' kill her_.

"I'd like to give her a day or two to recuperate. Keeping her sedated and pain free is a blessing, believe me. You don't want her to experience the kind of pain we're keeping at bay: she'd find it difficult to breathe on her own, she'd probably have a panic attack and we'd be forced to intubate, so please, trust me."

Emmett nodded, defeated.

"If you need anything, press the call button or have a nurse page me." He nodded his farewell and disappeared.

"Well… Maybe we should head home." Rosalie whispered. "We can't do anything… she won't know we're here."

"I'll stay." I murmured. "It's my fault."

Emmett's eyes narrowed at me. "How is it _your_ fault? And where were you anyhow? I thought you were taking her to class?"

"I did!" I cried indignantly. "I was in the library and I met up with a friend. Sage's class was cancelled. She was gonna drive the truck home while I caught a ride with my friend." I sighed. "And it's my fault because that _bitch_ that attacked her was Maria." Their jaws dropped in shock. "Yeah… so thanks, Em, but you can't possibly make me feel worse. Go home." I nodded to the door and sat down in the chair next to Sage's bed. I gingerly picked up her hand, lacing my fingers with hers and stroking the back of her hand lightly. "I'll stay." Emmett spared me one last look before taking Rose by the hand and leading her out.

In the silence, the reality of the situation hit me full force. Before, I'd been able to handle myself because Rosalie and Sage's friends needed me to be calm. Alone in the silence with Sage? I couldn't, not even for her.

I laid my head down in her lap and pulled her hand to my lips, pressing a quick kiss into her palm.

_React. Do something?_

_ She's not going to. She's out._

I squeezed my eyes shut as a single tear slipped out and down my cheek.

_She's going to be fine. She's just banged up._

_ What if she wasn't?_

_ What if Maria had killed her?_

_ I'd die._

And in that moment, my breath hitched. I could almost swear my heart stopped.

I loved her. I loved Sage.

_**End Note: Show me some love. I appreciate reviews and love constructive criticism **___


	12. Just Like A Pill

_**A/N: Still don't own it.**_

_**This story is rated M for a reason. There is strong language, adult content, and future lemons. Under 18 discouraged.**_

_**I love RemyKilday because she's my wonderful pre-reader.**_

_**I love HammerHips because she's the Schwoogie-Muffin to my Red Hot Mama.**_

Chapter 11: Just Like A Pill

_I can't stay on your life support, there's a  
shortage in the switch,  
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me  
itch  
I said I tried to call the nurse again but she's  
being a little bitch,  
I think I'll get outta here, where I can_

_Run just as fast as I can  
To the middle of nowhere  
To the middle of my frustrated fears_

-"Just Like A Pill" by Pink

_**Sage POV**_

My head hurt.

A lot.

The right side of my face was on fire.

There was a burning at the hairline, like skin stretched too tight.

My stomach was tight and felt like it extended ten feet out.

My chest felt as though an elephant were sitting on it.

My lower lip felt like an inner tube and when I licked my lip, I felt the split flesh.

I opened my eyes slowly, grimacing as the blurred shapes I couldn't make out became clearer minute by minute and then I blinked, staring at the wonderful hospital TV that was playing some random _Spongebob_ episode.

There was a pressure on my lap I couldn't quite discern and when I looked down, I was slightly taken aback. Jasper's head was resting in my lap, both his hands clasping my left. I slowly, gently withdrew my hand and ran my fingers through his slowly lengthening hair.

His head shot up, his eyes wide, and then his face crumpled and he leant up and hugged me.

"God dammit, Sweetheart, you had me fuckin' worried." He whispered in my ear.

My throat was so dry, it felt as though someone had taken sandpaper to it. "Jas… water?" I whispered hoarsely and he immediately poured me a glass of water from a pitcher, put a straw in the glass, and handed it to me.

"Drink it slow." He murmured, running his fingers through my hair. "I'm so fucking sorry… I'm so fucking sorry." He kissed my hair as I sipped slowly.

I used the time to try to think.

_What the hell happened?_

_Maria…_

_I remember Maria…_

_What happened?_

_I remember her hitting me… punching me…_

_After?_

_I hit my head._

"Jas, what happened?" I asked slowly. "Where's Maria?" he stiffened. "Jazz, _what happened_?"

He pulled back, giving me a long look before he finally sighed and pushed some hair out of my face. "Maria attacked you." I nodded, motioning for him to go on. "She… hit her head when she fell… She had a brain hemorrhage and…" he looked away.

"She's dead." I said flatly. It wasn't really sinking in, but it was there, hanging in the air between us. "I killed someone."

"No!" he snapped, forcing me to jump and then clutch at my ribs as pain ripped through my chest. "Oh geez, I'm sorry!" he whispered, lightly stroking my unbruised cheek. "I didn't mean to—"

"I know." I shushed him. "Just… startled me is all… God-fucking-son-of-a-bitch-dammit, are my ribs broken?"

He shook his head. "No… bruised."

"How long have you been here? Those are the clothes you were wearing… how long have I been here?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "Three days… we've been here three days." He murmured.

"Why didn't you go home? At least to shower? 'Cause I gotta say… you smell kinda ripe." I cocked an eyebrow at him and he smirked.

"You're one to talk." He retorted. "You smell like betadine, antiseptic, and gauze…and," he sniffed. "Cheap cotton underwear."

I glared. "I'm in the fucking _hospital_." I groaned. "And to that last one?" he nodded. "That's what happens when you go commando. Guess my mom was right… always wear clean underwear." He blushed. "When are they going to discharge me?"

Jasper frowned. "It'll be a bit… Maybe another day or two?" he pulled out his cell phone. "I promised Emmett I'd call as soon as you were awake." He dialed and waited, putting the phone on speaker.

"_Hello_?"

"Em, it's Jasper. Sage's awake."

There was a stifled sob on the other end of the line. "_Let me talk to her, Jasper_."

I took a deep breath. "Hi, Emmy." I tried to project, but my voice still came out low and hoarse.

"_Hey Sagey, how you feeling_?"

"I hurt." I replied.

"_I bet. Rose and I are leaving now. We'll be there soon, OK_?"

I closed my eyes. _This_ was the big brother I needed. "OK, Emmy."

Jasper hung up the phone and pressed another kiss into my hair. "I am so—"

"If you say _sorry_ one more time, I'm gonna whip out my badass moves again and fuck you up." I groaned. "I'm in pain, but it's not going to kill me… and it's _not_ your fault. So how about you shut up and push the call button so I can ask for the good drugs?" he smiled and pushed the button for me. "I want a shower." Jasper smiled. I ran my tongue over my teeth. "Oh fuck, and a toothbrush." I laughed and then clutched at my side again.

He rested his cheek against my hair. "I can go home and get some stuff for you." He smirked. "How about a brush? Sorry to say, you'll need to deal with the crappy underwear. I'm not going near your drawers. Who knows what I'll find?"

"Shut up." I tried to slap his arm but my ribs rebelled and I hissed.

"Stop hurting yourself." He mumbled. "I feel bad enough as it—OW!"

That time I succeeded in hitting him.

I closed my eyes and settled back against my pillow. "Hit the call button again, Jazz… and hand me a pen and paper so I can make a list of stuff I need." He reached across me and hit the button again, then put a pad of paper into my lap and slid a pen into my hand.

"Write neatly. None of that chicken scratch." He teased.

"_I_ don't chicken scratch. You're confusing my writing with Emmett's." I sighed, opening my eyes and beginning to make a list.

Jasper's phone buzzed and he groaned and pulled it back out. "What?" he asked, putting it back on _speaker_.

"_She awake yet? You were supposed to call a fuckin' hour ago!_"

"Hey, Penis, how are you?" I rasped out.

"_Basil! How are ya, Kid? You OK?_"

"Peachy."

Jasper gave me a sad smile.

"_Can we come visit or is it too soon?_"

"Uh… Pete, maybe—" Jasper started, but I cut him off.

"I don't mind. They'll be more fun than Emmett and Rose, you know Emmett's gonna be all up in my Kool-Aid."

"Please tell me you didn't just say _up in my Kool-Aid_." Jasper groaned. "_Please_?"

I did my best to smirk around my swollen lip. "I went there, yes. You don't get to complain. I smacked my head on a pylon."

He grimaced and then glanced down at the phone. "We'll see you soon, Pete." And then he hung up, groaning. "Please, Sweetie, don't make me feel worse."

"How does me pointing out that I hit my head on a pylon make things worse for you? It was my head." I deadpanned. "Jazz, it's not your fault that Maria turned out psycho. It's not your fault she attacked me. It's not—"

Jasper's eyes shot to mine and he glowered at me. "What did she say to you in the club?"

"Huh?" I blinked several times.

_What's he talking about_?

"In the club! When we went with Peter and Char and she said something to you in Spanish. What was it?"

I felt my cheeks flame.

_Shit. Now I can't lie to him because he knows I know what he's talking about_.

"Uh…" I mumbled dumbly.

"Sage!" he cried, frustrated.

I huffed. "She said she'd murder me." I grumbled.

Jasper's expression was murderous. I'd never seen his eyes go from the soft hue to the stony jade that I was faced with. His jaw tightened and I heard a _crack_ as he ground his teeth together. "_What_," he spat. "Did you _swear_ to me you would _not_ do anymore?"

_Oh shit._

_Pissed Jasper._

_There are weapons… this is a hospital… there are needles and things…_

_He'd never hurt me._

I was ashamed though. I hadn't wanted him to be upset.

I started picking at the fluff on my blanket. "That—that I wouldn't lie about something important like that." I whispered.

"Sage, how could you?" he asked thickly. It sounded like his throat was closing. "You promised me, and you _knew_ she was dangerous because she'd already gone after you once. Didn't it dawn on you that she might _actually_ follow through on that threat?" my brow furrowed and I ducked my head. "_Answer me_!"

"Jazz, please?" I begged. "Please let's not do this right now? Can't we just be glad I'm OK right now?"

He took a deep, measured breath, closing his eyes and I knew he was far gone… he needed to calm down and he knew it. When he opened them again, his eyes were their normal deep green. "For now." He allowed. "But we are going to have a conversation about this." I nodded. He pressed another kiss to my hair and nodded at the pen and paper. "Make your list. I'll leave when someone gets here to keep you company."

I nodded.

_Is it weird that I like him kissing my hair?_

_Nah. I kiss his cheek. It's a thing. We have things, Jasper and I._

I began writing. "So… how was your date?" I didn't bother looking at him.

"What date?"

I rolled my eyes. "Alice? Was that her name?"

He grimaced again. "Kinda… got a little cut short."

I frowned. "Jazz, I'm—"

"_Don't._" he growled. "Don't you fucking apologize to _me_. If I hadn't started dating Maria—OW!" I hit him again. "Stop hitting me!" he whined.

"Stop blaming yourself!" I whined right back in perfect imitation.

Jasper rolled his eyes and kissed my hair again.

_See? There! He did it again! How many is that now?_

"You can be a real brat some times." He murmured.

"Yeah, yeah, be nice to me. I'm injured." I exaggerated my rasp and he frowned at me. I rolled my eyes. "Lighten up, Jas, I'm OK."

He nodded. "Yeah… physically, you're alive, but—"

"Hell's Bells, she really is alive!" Peter shouted, throwing his arms up as he walked through the doorway. "Hey there, Basil."

I rolled my eyes. "Parsley has more punch." I muttered as he hugged me gently about the shoulders. "Hey, Char."

"Sugar, you look like you've been hit by a Mack truck. I think we're gonna have to get you to a spa when you're well enough."

I laughed thickly. "I'd like that." I handed Jasper back the pen and paper. He looked so upset, I hated it. "Hey," I grabbed his hand so he'd look me in the eyes. "No worries. Go home. Don't come back without a shower. And don't forget my toothbrush."

He smiled. "OK." He leaned down and kissed my hair again before striding out the door.

_I can't decide if I should be worried or tittering…_

Char smiled and perched herself on the end of my bed while Peter took Jasper's chair. "I'll help you shower when he gets back." She whispered. "So Rosalie doesn't get a gander at that tattoo." She winked.

I giggled. "Thanks, Char. It'd be really weird to be showering with my brother's girlfriend." They both laughed at that and I noticed Peter giving me a hard look. "What's up, Weiner?"

Peter gave me a small smile. "You had us all pretty scared, Parsley… None more so than Jasper." I nodded. "Take it easy on him. He wouldn't know what to do with himself if something ever happened to you." I nodded solemnly.

The hospital finally released me two days later. Peter and Char had decided to stay in town to help out, much to Emmett's chagrin.

Though he didn't say it, it was obvious that anyone involved in my going to the club was on his shit list. But while he was anti-social with Peter and Char, he was downright _mean_ to Jasper. It seemed like every time I turned around, I was hearing "_My_ sister" and "_Your_ girlfriend", as in "_My _sister wouldn't need Charlotte to help her bathe if _your_ girlfriend hadn't gone psycho and tried to kill her."

Oh yeah. That was my favorite, Baby.

But worse than that, was the _hovering_.

_Oh God, the hovering!_

If Jasper wasn't sitting and watching me, then Emmett was trying to talk to me, or Rosalie was trying to _feed_ me. She kept making me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches… with either grape or strawberry jelly. That meant I wouldn't eat them, so she was constantly frustrated.

Truly, I just wanted to be left alone; my school life was a fucking three-ring circus. Someone was _always_ with me, taking me to class, sitting in the class, walking me from class… by the time I would take my mid-terms, I was in hell and all I wanted was some fucking peace!

Charlie and Bella were set to arrive the day before Thanksgiving… by Tuesday of that week, I'd had enough. And I snapped. Bad.

"Sage, calm down." Jasper tried to soothe me, but I used the Louisville Slugger to point at him and he immediately held up his hands in surrender.

"Sagey, we're just trying to help." Emmett sighed.

"Uh-huh."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Come on, Sage… it was just a sandwich."

And there was that second snap.

"It's not _just_ a goddamn sandwich!" I cried. "I have _never_ eaten my sandwiches cut into sailboats in my _life_! What am I? Three?" she flinched.

"You don't even eat them!" Emmett yelled at me.

"I wonder why!" I yelled, only to be met by his and Rose's confused expressions. "Someone keeps throwing away the raspberry jelly I buy!"

"Someone actually eats that stuff?" Emmett asked, pulling a face.

I glared at him. "It's _my_ jelly! I have to buy a new jar every week because someone throws it out because they have no respect for other people's things!" I shot at him and his face fell.

"Wait… wait… What's wrong with strawberry or grape?" Rose asked.

Jasper seemed happy that he wasn't in trouble for this one. "Because she hates grapes and she's allergic to strawberries." He murmured, causing Rose to go red in the face.

"I don't need someone to make my fucking sandwiches… And FYI… I'm more a mac'n'cheese girl than a PB and J girl." She reddened further. "And you!" I rounded on Emmett. "If I wanted to talk about my classes with you, I'd bring it up, but the only reason you're interested is because you feel bad because you wrecked my car!" Jasper snickered. "Don't even fucking think _you're_ OK in this." I snarled and he sobered immediately. "_Stop_ staring at me like I'm going to explode or I've grown a second head. You got a question? Ask it! Stop hovering! _All_ of you!" and I stomped out of the kitchen and back down to my room, throwing the bat on my bed, and locking both doors before I finally settled down with my phone.

I scrolled through until I found the number I needed and hit the _Call_ button, putting the phone to my ear.

"_What's up, Sugar_?"

"Char, I need to get out of the house."

I could practically hear her smiling through the phone. "The Three Stooges driving you crazy?"

"Completely." I muttered. "Char… I need time to think."

"I'll be there in twenty."

I hung up.

Since I'd woken up, I hadn't had a moment's peace to think about what had happened. Because I was still so _fragile_, Emmett had taken it upon himself to cancel my appointments with Carmen "until further notice".

Even at night, I had no privacy. I had one nightmare the first night I was back and that had settled that. Both my bathroom door and Jasper's were left open at night in case I needed anything. I tried once to close the door, but all that got me was a threat to have it removed from its hinges.

If I was being honest with myself, I felt empty. I felt like I'd been swept away in a tidal wave of emotion, but I was drowning in it, not feeling it.

Maria was dead.

And it was my fault.

I kept racking my brain, trying to find the _reset_ button, trying to figure out what I could've done differently and coming up empty. In my dreams, I always yanked her foot out from under her and she always, always cracked her head with that dull _thud_.

But with the Tweedles on my case, I had no chance to work through it. Even less so, because I wasn't seeing Carmen once a week. And they wanted me to _talk,_ but I'd never said more than necessary to Rosalie, never shared my inner workings with Emmett; and Jasper? Well… I had only questions for Jasper, not statements. Not feelings.

Questions.

And I didn't have the guts to ask them.

Because if I did—if they left my mouth—there was no taking them back and I was afraid of the answers I'd get.

I heard Jasper lock himself in his room and took the opportunity to slip my flip-flops on and head out. Emmett and Rose were nowhere to be seen, so I grabbed my purse and keys and slipped quietly out the front door. Charlotte was just rounding the corner in Peter's old F-150. I smiled and climbed in.

"You tell them where you're going?" I shook my head. "Figures." She shook her head and started driving. "So what's on your mind?" I rolled my eyes and sunk down in my seat. "Sugar, you're gonna explode if you don't say it. You know it and I know it."

Hot tears sprang to my eyes. "I killed her." I whispered.

Charlotte nodded. "I bet that's how you feel… but—"

I laughed bitterly. "I don't have time to feel anything. They're on me constantly and asking questions and staring and making sandwiches and I don't have a minute's peace to _feel_ anything!" I jammed the heels of my hands into my eyes in an attempt to stem the flow, silently sobbing to myself.

Charlotte simply sighed. "So… let's tear it all down and rebuild. Get to the foundation, break it, and start over." I spared her a sidelong glance. "You trust me?" she held out her hand to me.

"Yes." I whispered, lacing my fingers with hers.

She smiled. "Good."

_**Jasper POV**_

Sage was gone. When I'd gone to check on her, she hadn't answered me at all, so I'd given the usual threat of kicking the door in… and when I did… _No Sage_.

I'd gone through the house as quietly as possible trying to find her. Not out back, not in the kitchen, not in the living room. Hell! I even checked my own damn room! Emmett and Rose were having loud and raucous sex upstairs, so obviously she wasn't in their room.

I was in a panic.

_She's gone out on her own… her ribs aren't fully healed. _

_She gets short of breath going up the stairs…_

I pulled my cell phone out and dialed Peter, figuring I could at least get some help looking for her. He picked up on the first ring.

"_Easy, Fucker. She's here with Charlotte and me._"

I nearly choked. "What?"

He snickered. I wished I could punch him. "_She called Char about two hours ago; we were wondering how long it'd take someone to notice she was gone. They're bonding or some shit. She's fine._"

"I'm coming to get her."

Peter huffed. "_I better check on that with the ladies… If she ain't ready to deal with ya, you ain't welcome_."

"Cut the bullshit, Pete!" I cried.

"_No_." he replied firmly and then I heard muffled talking in the background. When he was back, I could tell he was trying to contain his amusement. "_Sage says that as long as you keep your comments to yourself and don't stare at her, you can come over, but if she doesn't want to go home with you, she's not gonna._"

My eyes narrowed. "Fine." I hung up.

I would have to play their games for now.

Truth be told, I was more worried about Sage than I cared to admit. And I know we were all smothering her, but my motives were pure. I wanted her to know I was there, because I knew what would be going through her mind, I knew what she would be thinking and I needed to be there to reassure her.

But apparently that wasn't what she wanted. She'd called Charlotte, she'd run to Charlotte. She never ran to anyone but me.

_Well, paint me jealous. Never thought I'd be jealous of a woman._

_A straight woman._

_In a monogamous relationship._

_With one of my best friends._

_But why the hell won't Sage talk to me?_

_I need her to talk to me._

_I need to know she's OK with me._

_Shit._

I rolled my eyes at myself and grabbed my wallet and keys before heading out the door.

When I arrived at Peter and Char's hotel room, the girls were locked in the bathroom, their laughter muffled by the sound of a hair dryer. Peter was watching _From Dusk Til Dawn_ and giggling at Salma Hayek's portrayal of a vampire whore.

I sat in one of the armchairs with my cigarette dangling from my lips, flipping through my phone. When the hair dryer finally cut off, I immediately tensed and Peter snickered.

The bathroom door opened and Char stepped out, beaming. "It's fucking awesome." She laughed.

Sage stepped out and I inhaled sharply. They'd cut her hair. Not by much. It was up to her shoulder blades. But they'd also dyed the bottom layer a neon red shade.

"It's called _under-lighting_." Charlotte explained. "I figured if our girl's gonna be all Emo and shit, she may as well look the part." She smirked.

Sage was conveniently not meeting my eyes, though I knew she was watching me carefully out of the corner of her eye as Char raked through her hair with her fingers.

"It looks nice, Sagey. I like it." I murmured. She smiled her thanks, but still didn't speak, so I sighed. "You wanna go for a walk?"

She was still watching me carefully out of the corner of her eye. She was studying me. She was waiting for me to start smothering her again. Finally, she sighed and nodded her head. "We'll be back." She affirmed to Charlotte before heading for the door.

When we got down the block, I finally burst. "How the hell could you just take off and not tell anyone? Especially not me?" I cried.

Sage rolled her eyes. "It was kinda the point… Getting _away_ from you three for a while. Getting some time to think…"

"You can't think if you tell me where you're going?"

"Would you have let me go?" she countered. She already knew the answer. "If I'd told you I was going to hang out with Charlotte, you'd have wanted to tag along and you're part of the problem right now."

I felt the wind go out of me at that and I was forced to stop. She spun to face me, her eyes sad, and I knew she hadn't meant to hurt me. "Jas… I've gotta have time to process." She whispered. "I know you mean well… but I can't process if I constantly feel like you're _waiting_ for it to happen." I nodded, my eyes on my feet. "Jasper, please don't be upset." She wrapped her arms around my middle and hugged me. "Jas, you _know_ I need to process this… and you know I have to do it on my own." I nodded as she looked up at me with her beautiful sea foam eyes. "I _know_ you're here for me and I know I can talk to you. And I will… when I've processed." I gave her a small smile and ran my fingers through her silken hair.

"OK." She smiled at me. "Emmett's gonna flip about the hair though." She laughed and buried her face in my chest as I hugged her, rocking her back and forth. "Just please don't run off again without telling me… even if you're with Peter and Char, it doesn't stop me from worrying if I don't know where you are."

"OK." She agreed. We turned and began walking back to the hotel, my arm around her shoulders, hers around my waist. "So… Alice?" she asked nonchalantly.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I was thinking I might ask her out, try to make it up to her…"

"You should. I think she really likes you."

I smirked. "You've only seen her once and you had that whole Stranger Danger thing you do going."

Sage shrugged. "I could just tell."

_Great. She's encouraging me to date._

I patted her head, squeezing her into my side. "Maybe, but _after_ mid-terms. Just let me fuckin' get through Thanksgiving and mid-terms."

_**End Note: Leave me a review, I'll send you a teaser.**_


	13. Love the Way You Lie

_**A/N: Nope. Still don't own it. I'm sad**_.

_**This story is rated M for strong language, adult content, and future lemons. Please don't read it if you are under 18.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday for pre-reading.**_

_**Thanks to HammerHips for being my Schwoogie-Muffin. I couldn't ask for a better one.**_

Chapter 12: Love the Way You Lie

_I can't tell you what it really is  
I can only tell you what it feels like  
And right now there's a steel knife  
In my windpipe  
I can't breathe  
But I still fight  
While I can fight_

-"Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem featuring Rihanna

_**Jasper POV**_

I was right.

Emmett flipped the fuck out about her hair. Personally, I liked it; it was radical, for Sage at least, but it looked good on her.

Sage didn't talk about Maria to me. I could tell she wasn't ready.

In fact, she was downright silent until Charlie and Bella showed up. Emmett and Sage had always described Bella as reserved and quiet, but with Sage, she appeared to come alive. I could tell Sage truly looked up to her, and it made me smile to know that she at least had some family she could talk to.

The girls all spent Thanksgiving Day in the kitchen, cooking, prepping, and occasionally flinging the odd utensil at Emmett and Charlie as they tried to sample something. Emmett had invited Edward because he allegedly had nowhere else to spend the holiday since his parents lived in Seattle. I was OK with it though, because I'd invited Peter and Charlotte, though they had yet to arrive.

"Hey, I smuggled you out some brandied cranberries."

I looked up from my History text to see Sage in my doorway with a bowl and a spoon. I smiled and motioned for her to come in. "How's it going up there?"

She rolled her eyes and leaned against my desk, handing me the bowl. "Ed_weird_ is crushing majorly on Bella." I grimaced. "But it's cool." She laughed. "She's flirting up a storm… It's interesting."

"Well," I said around my spoon. "I guess every dog has his day." I smiled, spooned some more cranberries and offered it to her. She accepted it gratefully, licking the spoon. I was mesmerized by the one little swipe of her bubblegum pink tongue. "So you ready for mid-terms?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Alec's been much more attentive since I got the crap kicked out of me by a raving looney." She grinned impishly. "He actually wants to meet for coffee before the exam to quiz me."

_Junk punch!_

"Great." I didn't think anything of the sort, but I was trying to be supportive. Sage seemed to have suspended all her issues for the holiday and I was glad of that reprieve for her. I took the spoon from her and had some more cranberries. "OK, gotta ask… whose heavy hand poured the brandy?" I faked a cough.

"Mine." She stuck her tongue out at me. "Anyhow… the cranberries are a bribe." I raised an eyebrow at her. "Uncle Charlie needs some company. Emmett's on the phone trying to get through to some infomercial or something." She rolled her eyes.

I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my chair, allowing her to slide easily into my lap. "What's in it for me?"

"Uh… pumpkin pie?" I cocked an eyebrow at her. "OK, fine, you got me. I made a chocolate pie last night and it's hidden behind so much stuff in the fridge that no one's gonna know it's there; but if you do this, I'll tell you where it is." I waited. "And I bought you Double Stuf's." I waited again. "Come on! Please?" she poked my cheek lightly. "Pretty please?"

I rolled my eyes again. "_Fine_." I sighed dramatically. She kissed my cheek and I relished the tingling sensation she left behind. "_Thank you_!" and then she was off and flying. I groaned and closed my book before heading upstairs.

Charlie was in front of the flat-screen, silently watching the game with a beer in hand. Sage appeared out of the kitchen with a beer and handed it to me before disappearing back into a cloud of steam. I sat down at the other end of the couch and propped my feet up.

"She bribed you to keep me company, didn't she?"

I smirked. "You're very perceptive."

He shrugged. "She worries." I nodded. "Just like you."

"What are you—"

Charlie snorted a laugh. "Don't worry. I won't tell her." He shot me a sidelong glance and must have seen my confusion. "Jasper, Sage is like a daughter to me. You think I can't see the way you look at her?" he glanced out to the back deck at Bella and Edward. "That kid's weird."

It was my turn to snort a laugh. "Yeah… Rose and Sage call him Ed_weird_."

"It fits." He sighed. Charlie drained his beer and smiled as Sage appeared at his side immediately with another. "Thanks, Kid." She smiled at him. "So tell me, you gonna take a walk with me later? Fill me in on everything I've missed?" he was staring at the bruised section around her lower lip and the thin scar that was barely visible at her hairline.

"Sure thing, Uncle C." she answered, heading back into the kitchen.

"And Sage?" she turned. "What's with the hair?"

Sage and I exchanged smirks. "Haven't you heard?" he shook his head. "I'm all Emo and shit now." He raised his eyebrows. "Don't worry, Uncle C. Next week, Char's giving me bangs."

"What is it with Char cutting your hair?" I called.

She laughed. "Cheaper than going to a salon."

Peter and Charlotte arrived an hour later, and then we all sat down to eat. With the extra people we were jammed together like sardines, but dinner was good and the company was exceptional. The conversation covered everything and we were all laughing.

"So, Sage," Edward began. He was trying to be congenial, I could tell, probably because he felt bad for the last time they'd seen each other. "Have you chosen your major yet?"

"Sage is pre-Law." Emmett answered.

Sage turned bright red. "Actually," Emmett paused to watch her. "I just declared myself a Journalism Major the other day."

Emmett blinked several times, as though he thought he'd heard wrong. "That's not what we discussed."

She stared at him coldly. "I wasn't aware there was actually a discussion so much as you telling me what to do—and as it's my _life_ and my _career_ and my _goals_, I'm standing by my decision." She turned back to Edward. "I'm a Journalism Major."

Everyone was silent for a long time as Emmett seethed and Sage ignored him.

"Bells, Jake told me to tell you hi and to stop by." Charlie said in an attempt to break up the awkwardness.

Bella's cheeks flamed and Sage immediately starting laughing.

"Thanks. I haven't talked to him in a long time."

"Why is that, anyhow?" Charlie asked.

At that, Sage shoved her fist into her mouth and bit down, trying to contain her laughter.

"Sage, what the hell is wrong with you?" Emmett snarled.

She was gasping for breath as she laughed, "Jake… was…" gulp, "Bella's… first…" gulp, "kiss!"

Bella scowled at her. "Those in glass houses, Sage." Sage stopped immediately, her eyes wide.

"What's that mean?" Emmett asked, suddenly suspicious.

"Seth Clearwater was Sage's first kiss."

"My question now is when did this happen?" Emmett pressed.

Both girls' eyes went wide at that and then Sage growled, "Sure! Bring me down with you!"

"_When_?" Emmett asked again.

Sage sighed. "That party for Leah going off to college."

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "What party for Leah? Leah didn't go to college."

They hissed in unison before Bella finally said, "Yeah… sorry about that… it was actually sort of a make-out party."

"_Shit_!" Peter chuckled. "Parsley was a rebel back in the day! Not just clubs and drunken poker, but—"

"Pete!" I cried in an attempt to keep a blow-up from occurring.

It was in vain. Emmett was seething, his glare fixed directly on Sage. "Drunken poker."

"Emmett," Rosalie warned.

"Seriously." He held up a hand to silence her when she made to interrupt him again. "_Drunken poker_?" and then his eyes shifted to me and narrowed even further. "The hell did you to with my sister, Whitlock?"

"Fucking Christ." Sage muttered, shoving away from the table with such force that she winced and clutched her ribs. "Jasper didn't _do_ anything with me. He, Peter, and Char played Poker and I watched."

"And you were drinking."

"I had rum, yes, but not much." She stood slowly, bracing herself on my shoulder. "If everyone will excuse me, I think I'm going to go lie down. Uncle Charlie, give a shout when you're ready for that walk."

I immediately shoved away from the table, shooting Emmett a warning look. "Can't even back off for a holiday. You know, if I were still in the Army, I wouldn't be on duty right now."

"Then get off Sage Duty!" he called after me.

My fists balled immediately and I turned before I could stop myself.

"Jasper!"

_Shit_.

I got it from both sides. Rosalie in front of me, Sage behind me.

"I have never been on _Sage_ Duty. I'm always on _Emmett_ Duty." I snarled.

"Jas, calm down." Sage grabbed my arm, pulling me away from Emmett. "Come on. Come calm down."

I inhaled deeply, turned, and pulled her protectively into my side, leading her down to the basement. "I hate your brother some days." I muttered, pulling her down onto our couch with me.

Sage smiled. "I know." She pulled her feet up under her, facing me as I laid back against the arm of the couch. "Some day I'm gonna break away, you know?" she whispered. I nodded. "I'm tired of always feeling like I have to explain myself."

I opened my arms. "C'mere." She smiled and draped herself across my chest. "One day we're both gonna have to break away."

"Yeah…" she murmured into my chest. "Maybe we could run away to Fiji and go diving every day—get eaten by sharks." I smirked. "Maybe not get eaten by sharks." She amended.

Sighing, I rubbed slow circles on her back. "I'd like that."

She growled suddenly and sat up and I frowned when I saw tears in her eyes. "Someday… I'm just… I'm not gonna have to worry about walking on eggshells. God! I fucking hate answering to him like I'm still twelve." She wiped furiously at the tears running down her cheeks.

"Come back here." I pleaded.

"No. My ribs hurt." She mumbled, crossing her arms petulantly.

I smiled sadly. "OK." I sat up and wrapped my arm around her. "One day you're going to escape… just promise me you won't forget about me when you do." I whispered into her hair.

Sage smirked. "Like I could." She looked up at me, resting her cheek against my shoulder. "You really are the only reason I don't run away." I smiled down at her as she sighed and closed her eyes. "So… you called Alice yet?"

_Oh look. My heart really can fit in my toes_.

"Not yet." I answered.

She frowned at that. "You seemed to really like her."

I swallowed a lump in my throat. "She's very nice."

"Jazz, I want you to be happy… I know I screwed things up between you and—"

"Sage, don't you dare fucking say you screwed things up between Maria and I. You and I both know that isn't the truth and so help me, I will turn you over my knee and lay into you until you get it through that thick, multi-colored head of yours." I growled.

_Wow… talk about a visual._

_Down boy._

She looked as though I'd struck her. "I thought you liked my hair."

I rolled my eyes. "That is so not the point!"

"I know." She murmured. "And I appreciate it, but if she hadn't seen the tags…"

"It had nothing to do with the tags. She violated your room, remember? I wasn't going to just allow that." But then I remembered something. "Actually that reminds me." I muttered. "Wait here."

I reluctantly let her go and walked into my room. I'd finally found a jeweler with the necessary skill to fix such a delicate chain and I'd finally been able to pick it up the previous Monday. Sage had been so busy running off and threatening us with baseball bats that I hadn't had a chance to give it to her. I picked up the small white box and took it back out to Sage.

"We've both been waiting for this." I said in response to her questioning eyes.

She took the box from me and opened it, beaming at the sight of that fine silver chain. "Thank you, Jasper." She whispered.

I smiled. "Go get those tags." She nodded and immediately disappeared into her room, returning a moment later with them. I slipped them on the chain and clasped it around her neck as she held her hair up. "Better."

She nodded. "Better."

"Sage?" Charlie called down the stairs.

"Yeah, Uncle Charlie?"

"Ready for that walk?"

"I'll be right up!" Sage called, turning to hug me briefly. "Thank you." And then she was up the stairs and out the door.

_**Sage POV**_

When I was in high school, Uncle Charlie and I had one thing that was completely and totally ours: we would take walks. They were never long, but they were enough to clear the air and catch up on anything we needed the other to know.

We took one when there were wolf attacks in the woods and I needed to steer clear. We took one when I told him I'd been out joyriding with Victoria and we'd been in an accident. We took one when I scored a 1450/1600 on the SATs.

Now we were taking one because he wanted to know what the hell had happened to land me in the hospital.

There was only a slight chill in the air, so I grabbed my denim jacket and skipped down the walkway to where Uncle Charlie was waiting for me. We started off at a brisk pace, completely silent, each waiting for the other to begin.

Finally, I sighed. "Jasper's ex-girlfriend was kinda crazy."

He nodded. "Yeah, I've gathered that. He feels terrible."

"Yeah… It's not his fault though." I suddenly felt the need for Uncle Charlie to understand that Jasper couldn't have prevented what Maria had done. "I mean… she was lying in wait… She wouldn't have gone after me if he'd been with me, but she would've found an opportunity eventually."

He smiled. "Easy, Kid. I know." I sighed in relief. "How are you dealing?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I haven't had a lot of time to really think lately…" he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "Emmett cancelled all my appointments with Carmen—I should really start going back—maybe after mid-terms."

Uncle Charlie wrapped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed lightly. "Emmett just wants what's best for you."

I snorted. "I know. But if I wanted a dad… well…" I felt myself frown. "I guess I should say that if my dad wanted _me_…" I huffed. "Regardless, I need a big brother more, and Emmett's never been much for sitting on the sidelines."

Uncle Charlie had stopped walking and I was forced to turn and walk back. "What are you talking about, Sage?" he was confused about something.

"What do you mean?"

"About your dad not wanting you?"

I shrugged. "It's not important." I mumbled, fixing my eyes on my feet.

"If it weren't important, you wouldn't have said it." He challenged.

My cheeks were going red. After several moments, I finally whispered, "Dad always used to write to Emmett… and never to me… he never even mentioned me in the letters." I chanced a glance and saw that Uncle Charlie's eyes were wide and angry.

"_What_?"

"You heard me."

"Sage, why on earth would you think that?"

"Because it's the truth?" I asked as though it should be obvious. "Every time Emmett got a letter, I always asked if dad asked about me and he always said _no_."

There was a sharp intake of breath and Uncle Charlie shifted his weight. "Sage, your father wrote to you every week for three years." I stared at him, dumbfounded. "Emmett always got the mail… he said he was giving you the letters." Now he looked guilty. "I thought you didn't want anything to do with him… that's what Emmett said."

I felt lightheaded. Before I could stop myself, I'd turned and emptied the contents of my stomach into the grass of the nearest house. "W-w-what?" I choked, retching several times.

"Emmett… Lied… You're father was always writing to you."

I vomited again.

When I was finally done and calmed slightly, Uncle Charlie yanked me to my feet and hugged me fiercely. "It's going to be OK." I nodded, sobbing. "Sage, you need to calm down before you confront Emmett with this." I nodded again. "And don't do it with the company in the house." I hiccupped and nodded again.

When we arrived back at the house, everyone but Jasper was planted in front of the TV watching the game. Uncle Charlie joined them and I immediately bee-lined for the basement door. I went straight to my room and locked the door before heading straight through the bathroom and knocking on Jasper's door.

"It's open." He called. I stepped in and flipped the lock on the outer door. "Sage?" I must've looked a wreck because he was on his feet in a flash and examining me, checking for any sign of injury. "What happened, Sweetheart?" I shook my head. I couldn't speak, so I simply sobbed. Jasper picked me up and carried me to the bed before leaning us back against the headboard. "It's OK." He murmured as I fisted his shirt and shuddered under the weight of my sobs.

Jasper held me the rest of the night while I cried, never asking me again what was wrong, only rubbing my back, holding me, and telling me it would all be OK. I fell into a fitful sleep, abated only by Jasper holding me tighter and whispering to me, rocking me gently.

I spent the next day locked in my room, only leaving to go to the bathroom and shower. I called Lompoc Prison to inquire about visiting days and hours, though I wasn't sure if I could muster the nerve to show up after eight years.

What would I talk to my dad about? What would I say to him? Would he even want to see me after all the letters he'd sent had gone unanswered? What if he'd lost interest? Would he know who I was if he saw me?

The questions went on and on and on, spinning my head, and making me wish I could slip into a drug-induced coma. Unfortunately, I only knew of one person who could get his hands on anything, and he counted Jasper among his best friends, so of course, Peter wouldn't get me anything without Jasper's permission. Which would never happen.

Jasper and I spent the next night the same as the first, in his bed, with me sobbing and him simply holding me. It felt good. It felt safe. But Jasper always felt safe, comforting. Everything from his scent, to how his arms felt around me to how it felt to be lulled to sleep by the sound of his breathing and soft murmurs, was comforting.

And it was strange. Strange because it was _Jasper_.

When Charlie and Bella finally left on Saturday morning, I snapped.

We'd just said goodbye and gone back into the house. Jasper had immediately wrapped an arm around me and made to lead me back down to the basement, but I followed Emmett and Rosalie straight into the living room, my jaw set.

"Emmett?"

"Hmm?" he asked, not bothering to even look at me as he turned the TV on and flopped down on the couch.

I fingered a crystal football trophy on the side table. "Did Dad ever write me?"

Everyone in the room froze. Rosalie's eyes were wide and questioning, frozen on me. Jasper had reflexively grabbed the section of my belt at the small of my back, I assumed in case he needed to yank me out of the way. Emmett was white as a sheet, breathing heavily.

"_Dad_ is _dead_." He replied lowly.

I grabbed the crystal trophy and smashed it against the hardwood floor. "You're a goddamn liar, Emmett Wade, now answer the fucking question!" I screamed and Jasper immediately pulled me backward until my back met his chest and he wrapped his arms around me protectively.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Sage, what the hell?" he yelled back.

"Emmett, what's she talking about?" Rosalie asked. Emmett's eyes widened. It hadn't dawned on him that the verboten subject was news for Rose.

"Nothing." He snapped, glaring at me.

"Bullshit!" I went to lunge for him, but Jasper grabbed my hips and held me fast. "Did Dad ever write to me? Answer the fucking question!"

"Yes! OK? Fucking yes, he fucking wrote to you, Sage!" he screamed, standing and flexing his fists.

I was immediately hoisted into the air and deposited behind Jasper before he spun again, planting a firm hand on my shoulder to keep me behind him as he stared Emmett down. "You'd better fucking back off. Now." He growled.

"Oh Jesus, Jasper, get off your fucking high horse and stop fighting Sage's battles for her! You want her to be a big girl? You want her to rebel against me and hate me so you can be the knight in shining armor, but all that says about you is that you're a pathetic, insecure excuse for a—"

Before he could finish, Rosalie stood, whirled to face him, and slapped him hard across the face.

I grabbed one of the belt loops on Jasper's jeans and tugged. When he didn't react, I grabbed his belt the same way he always grabbed mine, and tugged harder. "Come on, Jas." But he didn't react to me. "Jazz?" I placed my other hand on his shoulder and squeezed and he seemed to relax under my touch. "Jas, I need you. Let Rosalie handle Emmett from here. I'm OK." I whispered.

He immediately turned and wrapped a protective arm around my shoulders. "Come on, let's go barricade ourselves in my room and watch a movie." He muttered.

He didn't say another word until we were safely locked in his room with _Pretty Woman_ playing.

"How'd you find out?"

"Uncle Charlie told me… Jazz… Why are we watching this?"

He smirked. "Because it's on and I'm too pissed off to change the channel." He pulled me backward on the bed to rest against his chest. "Talk to me."

I shook my head. "There's not much to talk about. Emmett hid the fact that my dad was writing to me, telling me that he never asked about me. My dad wrote to me for _three years_ before he finally gave up." I sighed. "I think… I think I'm gonna go to Lompoc… Friday, after my last exam." I laid my head in the crook of his neck. "Will you go with me?"

Jasper chuckled lightly. "Of course. I'm surprised you felt the need to ask."

I chewed my lip. "Emmett's gonna try to stop me."

His arms snaked around me, pulling me flush against him. "I won't let him. I've got your back."


	14. Daddy's Little Girl

_**A/N: I no own, you no sue.**_

_**This story is rated M for a reason. If you are not 18+, please do not read this story.**_

_**I love my RemyKilday. She pre-reads and reminds me to answer questions I've created… and she also wants to beat imaginary Emmett with his imaginary Slugger. It makes me LOL.**_

_**Thank you always to HammerHips, a.k.a. "Schwoogie-Muffin". Yes, I do scream her name during sex **___

Chapter 13: Daddy's Little Girl

_And she says, "Daddy, Daddy don't leave  
I'll do anything to keep you  
Right here with me  
Can't you see how much I need you?_

-"Daddy's Little Girl" by Frankie J

_**Sage POV**_

Mid-term week was hell. As hard as I tried to concentrate, I was afraid the major shitstorm had negatively impacted my performance. Instead of feeling upset by it, however, I was just plain pissed off at Emmett.

Emmett wasn't speaking to me. He and Rose had been up until the early hours fighting most nights, and I knew it was because he'd lied to her about Dad and he didn't seem to see anything wrong with it.

Jasper and I spent our nights locked in his room watching movies and studying for our exams. We also planned our trip to Lompoc. Though it was only about a six hour drive, we would be starting out after three PM, and so we decided to pack bags and stay in a motel overnight.

Thursday night was difficult for me. I was nervous about my Calculus exam, but even more so about seeing my father.

"Jas, what do you think looks better?" I asked, holding up a pink polo shirt and jeans and then a long denim skirt and a powder blue cardigan.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "I feel like such a chick right now. I think I need to go spit or something." He groaned. "Why don't you just wear what you normally wear? What's wrong with your tanks and stuff?"

"The guy at the prison said I should wear as little makeup as possible and that I should show as little skin as possible because someone might start trouble." I answered.

Jasper rolled his eyes, but then truly considered me for a moment. "Go with the jeans."

"Why?" I asked. I'd been leaning toward the skirt, myself. It was embarrassing to admit, but I wanted to look nice.

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "If the guards are worried about how your dressing might affect the inmates… don't you think one concern might be… ah… easy access?"

I felt my eyes go wide. "Oh. Gotcha." And then my cheeks flamed. "Sounds like something you know about." I quipped, folding the jeans and shirt up and placing them neatly in my overnight bag.

Jasper snorted. "I'm a straight man. A good portion of each day is dedicated to the study of women and what clothing allows that kind of access." I froze and felt myself going very red, even the flesh of my lower back, which was exposed in my current hunched position. "Oh relax. If anything had changed I'd have told you… I'd have been fuckin' ecstatic and unable to keep it to myself." He grumbled. "I like to look."

"Yeah…" I murmured, continuing to pack my bag. Jasper was lounging on my bed with his Resonator, strumming lazily as he watched me. I moved to my underwear drawer and pulled out a few pair, tossing them haphazardly on top of the clothes. I heard a sharp intake of breath. "What?" I asked, turning to look at him.

Jasper's eyes had gone dark, nearly black, as he stared at the blue cheekies, the black thong, the red bikinis… Finally, he cleared his throat. "Nothing. Just… you know…" he shrugged.

"No, I don't think I do know." I answered.

"Nothing."

"OK."

I moved to my nightstand to retrieve the earbuds for my iPod and as soon as the drawer opened, Jasper clapped a hand over his eyes and groaned.

"What?" I asked exasperatedly.

Without removing his hand from over his eyes, he pointed to the drawer. I looked. And smirked. _Buzz_. More appropriately, a clitoral stimulator. It wasn't even a full vibrator, for Christ's sake!

"What? You knew I had it."

He groaned again. "Yeah, but seeing it makes it a little more real." And then the color rose in his cheeks. "Please tell me you're not bringing it along."

I snorted. "_No_." and my eyes narrowed as he removed his hand. "What's got you so red?"

The color deepened. He snorted and I could tell he was being defensive. "Awkward, much?"

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. Be a dick."

"I'm not being a dick, it's awkward. Even you knew it was awkward, you told Peter as much." My eyes narrowed at his explanation. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Whatever." I muttered. I went back to packing, leaving the drawer open because I was getting a wicked jolt of pleasure out of his discomfort.

If I thought Thursday evening was stressful, it was nothing compared to Friday morning. Emmett and Rose had the morning off because of a light schedule and it couldn't have been worse timing for our escape.

I set my backpack and overnight bag next to the basement door and went to grab a granola bar for breakfast while I waited for Jasper.

"Wanna go get some pancakes?"

I jumped and spun. Emmett was right behind me, but I hadn't heard him approach. "I can't." I answered quickly. "Jasper's got his exam at ten-thirty and mine's at one-thirty."

He shrugged. "I can drop you off on campus when we're done."

"I was counting on some extra study time in the library."

Emmett moved around the breakfast bar to sit on one of the stools, his hands folded on the bar, as he watched me pour myself some juice and open the granola bar. "Well, maybe we'll go grab some dinner tonight. Just you and me."

I felt my cheeks burn with blood as I fixated on my juice. "I'm not gonna be home tonight." There was no point in lying. Emmett knew when I blushed it was a telltale sign of an uncomfortable subject.

"Oh? Where you gonna be?"

I swallowed. If I lied, Emmett would know. If I told the truth, Emmett would flip the fuck out. I heard the creaking of the pipes that told me Jasper was done with his shower. I closed my eyes, willing myself to have the strength. "Jasper's taking me down to Lompoc." I flinched as my glass of orange juice flew across the kitchen and smashed against the wall.

"No. You're. Not." He growled.

"Yes. I. Am." I responded and flinched as Emmett's fist met the bar.

"No!" he shouted.

There were footsteps on the stairs and Rose stepped into the kitchen. "What the hell is going on in here? Did I hear glass breaking?" her eyes landed on the orange juice staining the white wall and the glass scattered beneath it. "Question answered. What the hell is going on in here?"

I swallowed. "Jasper's taking me down to Lompoc." I answered.

Rosalie's eyes widened but her face was laced with understanding. "I think that's good, Sage."

"Rosalie!" Emmett roared in outrage.

Before I could register anything else I was being yanked out of the kitchen and tucked into Jasper's side. I hadn't even realized he'd come up the stairs, let alone into the kitchen.

"Dammit, Jasper, get your fucking hands off my sister! Let her fight her own battles if you want so bad for her to piss me off!"

"I don't want her to piss you off, Emmett, I want you to _back off_ of her. She's a grown woman, she's not a child!" he barked.

Emmett's eyes narrowed. "Just because you dress her up like a whore and give her some booze doesn't make her grown." He snarled.

I felt like I'd been slapped.

_Rude_!

But Jasper wasn't folding. He pushed me back gently before turning and shielding me from view, leaning down to murmur in my ear, "Go get the bags, mine's with yours, and take them out to the truck, OK? Can you do that for me?" I nodded, dumbstruck, as he pressed his keys into my hand.

I walked numbly to the basement door and grabbed my overnight bag and Jasper's duffel, then threw my backpack over my shoulder, and headed out as the angered whispering turned into fevered shouting.

"_She's not your fucking family_!"

"_That's funny, because you're sure as hell not acting like she's family at all_!"

"_Dammit! Both of you stop it! I can't take much more of this_!"

I hurried down the walk, unlocked the truck, tossed the bags behind the seats, and slid into the passenger seat. I hunched down and put my feet up on the dash, silently willing myself not to cry. Moments later, Jasper slammed the front door and hurried down the walkway with his cowboy boots in his hand.

He opened the driver's door and sat down, with his legs out so that he could pull his boots on. He was mumbling to himself, too low for me to make out much but a random word here and there."

"Fucking… don't think I can… but of course… and if… bastard fucking…"

"Jazz!" I cried as he reversed the truck out of the spot so quickly my seatbelt locked.

"Sorry, Sweetheart." He mumbled, shifting into _Drive_. "You're brother's a real piece of work." I sighed and pressed my cheek against my window. "You OK?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Don't bullshit me. You know you're no good at it."

"I'm fine, Jazz."

We were silent the rest of the ride to campus. Jasper walked me to the library and left me at a work table on the second floor. Before he left me, he said, "Please don't move until I get back to take you to class." I rolled my eyes, but agreed.

Sitting in the library studying Calculus had to be the most boring thing in the world. Even my iPod couldn't save me. I ended up staring off into space for a good half-hour before a soft, lilting voice lifted me out of my boredom-induced haze.

"Sage, right?"

My eyes wandered until they found purchase on the tiny wisp with black hair. "Hi, Alice." I answered, pulling my earbuds out.

"Hi. Can… Can I sit?"

I motioned for her to take the seat opposite me and she sat. "So… Jasper recommended you for editing. I was wondering if you'd have time to fit me in?"

"When's the paper due?"

"December fifteenth."

I hissed. "That's really short notice. I've got a lot of term papers to read… but, I can do my best."

She beamed. "That would be so amazing!" and then her face fell. "Is… Um…" she blushed a deep red.

"Oh, Christ, Alice, you're trusting me to edit a term paper of your ethical beliefs, you may as well spill it."

The red in her cheeks increased. "Has… Has Jasper… mentioned me at all?"

_Oh Jesus._

_Lie._

_No lying._

_I owe it to him for screwing shit up with Maria._

"Occasionally… We don't really talk about dating." I hedged.

Alice gave me a small smile. "Maybe I'll call him this weekend. See if he wants to get together."

_Oi._

"Uh… We're actually headed to Lompoc after my exam." And her face fell again. "He's taking me to see my dad. We'll be back Saturday evening."

She was examining me closely. "I'm… I'm sorry." She finally laughed. "But… Is there something going on between you and—"

"Jesus! Why does everyone ask that? You know, I can't get a fucking date most of the time because of that!" I exploded. "We are just _friends_." She relaxed. "We just have a very… connected history. Ask him about it some time." I glanced down at my book and then back at Alice. "Alice, I really need to study." I pulled a business card from my bag. "Here's my card. E-mail me your paper and I'll go through it." She smiled and stood. "And I'll tell Jasper to give you a call." I assured her.

"Thanks, Sage."

She danced out of the library at that.

_She fucking danced_!

_Weirdo_.

_Jealous_.

_Shut the fuck up_.

It was another half-hour before Jasper showed up. He plopped down across from me and let his head fall back against the chair. "I'm so fucking glad I don't want to be a Physicist. I'm fucking done with the hard shit. Next semester… bird courses only." I nodded absently, flipping through my notes. "You OK?"

"Yup." I answered. "Saw Alice." I watched his expression carefully in my periphery. His face remained impassive. "Told her I'd have you call her."

He gave me a tight smile. "Thanks for that."

"No problem." I glanced at my watch and packed up my notebook and text. "My exam starts in ten." I heaved myself out of my chair and he followed suit.

Jasper walked me all the way to the door of my class before stopping. "I'll be out here when you're finished." I nodded. "Do well."

"Always." I smirked as I headed into the lecture hall.

If I thought I hated Calculus before Thanksgiving, it was nothing to how I felt during that exam. By the time I got out, my head was spinning with equations I knew I'd missed.

Jasper was waiting, as promised, and he quietly guided me back to the truck.

"How traumatic was it?" he asked as he drove out of the parking garage.

"Oh, God, I seriously failed. I know it. I think I must've left half the test blank!"

"Easy. You're fine. I'm sure you didn't leave half the test blank." He soothed. "And just think… this time tomorrow, you'll be talking to your dad."

That did nothing to ease my mind. In fact, I started to panic more.

"Maybe we shouldn't go."

"What?"

"What if he doesn't want to see me? What if he doesn't remember me? What if—"

Jasper reached over and unbuckled my seatbelt. He held up his arm and nodded. "Come here." I hesitated and he rolled his eyes. "Come on." I slid across the bench seat and buckled myself into the center, bringing my feet up to rest on the seat as I leaned against him. He brought his arm around my shoulders and kissed my hair. "Calm down. You're overreacting. You know that."

"But what if—"

"Stop." He commanded. "You're fine. It's all gonna be fine." I sighed and relaxed against him. "Thank you. Jesus, you're gonna get wrinkles prematurely the way you worry." I smirked. "So… Why are you so hell-bent on me getting together with Alice?"

I shrugged. "You seemed to really like her."

"Feels like you're trying to set me up." He grumbled.

I was silent for a long time, settling into his embrace and relaxing easily against him. Finally, I voiced something that had been bugging me since my conversation with Alice that morning. "Do you think we're weird, you and I?"

"How do you mean?"

I shrugged. "We… we're not like other friends. You don't let Peter sit on your lap."

He snorted. "God, I hope not!"

I rolled my eyes at his reaction. "Fine, how about _I_ don't sit on _Peter's_ lap… Char doesn't sit on yours."

"So?"

"So… People get the wrong impression… Like Emmett… I think he thinks there's more going on than there is." His hand clenched at the mention of Emmett, but he relaxed almost immediately. "And Alice too… People are seeing things that aren't there because of how we act."

He tensed again and I heard him take a deep, measured breath. "And… how do we act?"

"I don't know." I hedged. "Not like friends, I guess."

I reeled as he jerked the car over onto the berm and released me so that he could actually look at me. "Do _you_ have a problem with it?"

I was so shocked that it took me a moment. "No." I answered finally. "_But_," I added as relief settled over his features. "I don't want anything screwing up a relationship for either of us… so maybe… we should back it off a bit in public? I mean… we're friends. Maybe we should just… act like it when other people are around."

Jasper considered me for several long moments and I began to fidget under his scrutiny. "OK." He said finally, resignedly. He smirked then.

_Defensive_.

"You got a hot date you're worried I'll scare off?"

I rolled my eyes again. "Oh yes. There are guys just beating down my door to take me out, if it weren't for that sexy beast in the next room." I deadpanned.

"You think I'm sexy?"

"Oh, Jesus. Of course that's where your hearing cuts off… right after sexy."

He smirked again and pulled back onto the highway. "Come here." He motioned for me to lean against him again. "Having a hold of you is peaceful for me. You always give me peace."

I smiled at his words. "I know what you mean."

And I did. Jasper had always given me peace, from that very first meeting. It was the reason I wrote to him after we returned to Washington; the reason I continued to write him in Basic, even when he couldn't always write back; the reason why I wrote him while he was in Iraq. It was not possible for me to exist without Jasper. He was the Yin to my Yang, the one who centered me.

_Careful now, I'm starting to sound like—_

_Moving on_.

We passed the rest of the nearly six hour drive in relative silence, only speaking when necessary. Jasper was comfortable, in many ways, but always when I was leaning against him, so it was no surprise to either of us that I fell asleep somewhere around hour-four.

I woke up to Jasper gently tugging me out of the truck and carrying me easily into our motel room. I groaned and nuzzled his neck lightly before bracing my right arm against his shoulder.

"I can walk." I mumbled.

"OK." He chuckled, setting me on my feet. "I'll grab the bags." He pushed me into the motel room and turned back to the truck. When he returned, he set the bags down and sighed. "What would you like to do for dinner?"

I shrugged. "You choose… I just really want a shower." I rolled my shoulders and tried to loosen my back up. "You may be comfortable to sleep on, Jazz, but you sure as hell aren't Posturepedic."

Jasper chuckled. "My apologies." He stretched. "I'm kinda thinking pizza..."

"OK." I yawned, opening up my bag and beginning the search for my toiletries bag. "So… we're in Lompoc?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "About ten minutes from the prison." I froze. "What is it? Sage?" I didn't realize I was shaking until Jasper's firm grip on my hips stilled me somewhat as he shifted me around to sit down on the bed. He kneeled in front of me, running his hands up and down my arms. "Sage? What's wrong, Sweetheart?"

"What… what if he doesn't want to see me?" I whispered.

"Why wouldn't he want to see you?"

I shrugged. "He wrote to me for three years and I never answered any of his letters." I whispered.

Jasper growled, low and deep within his chest. "_That_ was _Emmett's_ doing, not _yours_. Your father will understand that." I made to protest and Jasper growled again, effectively silencing me. "Go take your shower. I'll order us some food. We'll eat and watch a movie, and tomorrow you're gonna go see your dad. We're not gonna entertain thoughts of what might happen because Emmett's a fucktard. Got it?" I opened my mouth to protest again and he clapped his hand over my mouth. "Got it? Just nod." I nodded. "Good. Go shower."

An hour later we were sitting on the bed most in-line with the TV, eating our standard pepperoni with extra cheese pizza (because not every pizza joint can be as badass as Sol's Slicery), and watching _Lost Boys_.

"This movie is just weird… Kiefer Sutherland is making my eye twitch." Jasper groaned.

I smirked. "But the Two Corey's are hot."

"Huh?" he asked.

"The Two Coreys! That one and that one." I pointed them out on the screen. "Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. The Two Coreys. Every girl in America has seen at least one of their movies and daydreamed about them… even if they were eighties icons."

Jasper shook his head at me. "Fine, and which one did you daydream about?"

"Pfft! Both! They were my first threesome-fantasy." He choked at my admission. "Get a grip." I laughed, clapping him on the back.

He turned beet red. "Threesome?"

"Oh bite me." I rolled my eyes. Jasper grabbed my shoulder and yanked me closer, sinking his teeth lightly into my shoulder. It didn't hurt, but it took me by surprise nonetheless. I shrieked, "Jasper!" and lightly slapped his cheek.

He laughed. "What? You told me to bite you!" I nudged his chin with my shoulder and he smiled mischievously as I moved to the other bed and began turning down the sheets. "Where're you going?" he asked, packing up the leftovers and putting the box in the mini-fridge.

"I'm going to bed." I pouted.

"Don't be like that."

"Like what? You bit me."

"You told me to!" he cried in exasperation.

I rolled my eyes and smirked, knowing what I was about to say would make him blush. "Yeah, well I didn't realize I was into that." And as if on cue, Jasper's cheeks pinked and I smirked.

"Wish I'd known." He grumbled.

"Shut up." I called over my shoulder. He continued to mumble at a level I couldn't understand and I simply rolled my eyes and went to brush my teeth.

We woke up the next morning and got ready quietly. Jasper was humming to himself, so low I couldn't even make out the tune, but I was lost in thought.

More than anything, I wanted to be able to understand what the hell was going on within me. Part of me was jealous… of Alice, of Maria… and part of me was ecstatic because I knew that I would always have a part of Jasper that he'd never give to someone else. I'd been with him through thick and thin, but others? They'd never be able to get into Jasper's head the way I could.

I just wasn't sure if it was enough…

_It has to be_.

_Emmett would ruin any- and everything_.

As soon as I was dressed, I stepped out of the bathroom and stood, fidgeting, waiting for Jasper to finish putting on his shoes.

"Do I look OK?" I asked when he looked up.

"Of course." His brow furrowed as he questioned me with his eyes. "You OK?"

I tugged at the polo shirt. "I think I should change…" I began rooting around in my bag. I'd packed several shirts, just to be safe. Knowing my clumsy self, I might've spilled something on my shirt, so I had to pack backups.

"What? Sage, you're fine. You look great."

"No, I think I should change. It's not nice enough. I should—don't you think? I should look nice, right? Not like I'm just walking in from a day at school. I should look nice, right?"

Jasper grabbed my shoulders roughly and spun me to face him. "Stop." He commanded and I trembled at the tone. "You. Are. Fine." My breath hitched and his expression softened. "You look beautiful, Sage. He's just going to be glad to see you."

"But what if he's not?"

"You'll never know if you don't swallow that panic, get your ass in the truck, and find out for yourself." He replied evenly. When I didn't move he sighed and pulled me into a tight hug. "I'll be right there, waiting. You know I'll be there if you need me."

I chewed my lower lip for a moment, thinking. "Promise?" I whispered as a tear slid down my cheek.

Jasper smiled. "Promise."

A half-hour later, we'd grabbed breakfast and made our way to Lompoc Prison. We checked in, went through the metal detectors and the frisking, and made our way to the visitation yard. Because the weather was nice, they allowed visitation to take place outside at picnic tables.

Jasper sat down on an orange plastic chair while I was led through the chain link and barb wire fence to a table in the middle of the yard. I glanced around carefully, watching the other visitors. Some were women with children, others were men or women in business suits. None were my age.

The gate at the other end of the yard buzzed open and each inmate stepped through one at a time to be directed to his visitors. I wasn't even sure which was my father until he was plopping down on the bench opposite me.

He was thinner, older looking than I remembered. His hair was gray now and shorn so short there was no trace of the ringlets he and Emmett shared. He was bonier, less bulky, and almost sallow in color.

He stared back at me with Emmett's blue eyes for several long moments before finally stating, "You're definitely not my lawyer."

I shook my head. "No. I'm not."

"I got a daughter about your age."

I gave him a small smile. "Yeah… I know." He cocked an eyebrow at me, so I continued. "She plays guitar… and piano. She was Salutatorian of her high school class… had to give a speech and everything." I didn't know why I was telling him all of this. I just wanted him to know me. "She's majoring in Journalism at Berkeley… and…" I trailed off, thinking. What else was there to know about me? "She makes pretty good money editing term papers."

My dad stared at me, his face impassive for the longest time. His eyes flicked behind me a few times, but always came back to my face. Finally, he smiled and asked, "Well, Sage, what brings you down to Lompoc?" he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of the breast pocket of his orange jumpsuit and pulled one out before setting it on the table and waving his hand over it as an offer. I took one immediately and he lit it for me with the small plastic lighter from his pocket. "Pretty weird to be smoking with my kid." I blushed at that. "So, I repeat the question. What brings you down?"

I sighed. "I… I wanted to see you."

"Why now?" he asked, taking a long drag, his eyes flicking behind me again. Was this normal Con Behavior, or was I missing something?

"I didn't know you'd written to me."

He smirked and I took several drags before he responded. "I'm guessing that was your brother's doing." I nodded. "Yeah… Emmett always was good at following instructions… always good at protecting you. Even when it was from me." My eyes widened. "I didn't want him to keep your letters from you… I just wanted him to keep you safe when I was…"

"You can say it, Dad. Drinking. You were drinking."

"You remember that?" he asked, following it with another drag and another flick of the eyes.

I shrugged. "Some things more than others." I took another drag.

Finally, his eyes slid past me and stayed on whatever he was looking at. "So… that your boy?"

My brow furrowed and I turned to find Jasper standing against the chain link, his fingers laced through the holes, watching intently, a dangerous look in his eyes.

"That's Jasper." I replied, turning back to him. "Jasper Whitlock."

He nodded. "Amelia's son." I nodded. "Didn't know you two knew each other."

"Uncle Charlie took us to meet them when I was twelve."

He nodded again, taking another long drag. "How long have you two been—"

"We're not." I cut him off, earning me an appraising look. "Jazz is a friend… he brought me down here to support me… because… you know… Emmett wouldn't." he raised an eyebrow at me. "Dad… Do you ever wonder about me?" my voice shook as I asked the question and his expression softened immediately.

"How could I not? You're my baby girl." He answered, smiling fondly. "I've wondered about you every day for the past eight years." He whispered, laying his free hand on top of mine. "And your brother. Have you been taking care of each other?" I snorted. "Ah. Emmett's been taking a bit too much care of you." I nodded. "Big brothers do that."

"He threw a glass at the wall and was yelling so much that Jasper sent me out of the house because he felt Emmett was a threat." I muttered.

Dad raised an eyebrow at me, watching me carefully as I took another drag and stubbed out the cigarette in the metal ashtray on the table, before his eyes slid back to Jasper to watch him for a moment. "He takes care of you?"

I smiled. "Yeah. He does."

"And you're not dating?"

I snorted. "No. That's… complicated."

"Sounds like a relationship."

"We're _friends_."

He opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and closed it again. He smiled instead. "I'm glad he takes care of you." Even though it was said to me, he was watching Jasper. He inhaled sharply all of a sudden and diverted his eyes. "So… what's with the hair?"

I smiled despite myself. "It's… sort of a cleansing. Lots of shit going down recently."

"How big a part is your brother in all that?"

"Surprisingly small by comparison." I admitted. He smiled at me and I thought hard for a moment. "Did you miss me?" he nodded. "Why… why did you give up writing to me?"

"Because Emmett wrote to me and told me you wanted nothing to do with me."

My mouth popped open in an O of surprise and my eyes went wide. "He… didn't tell me that." I whispered.

"Did you honestly expect him to?"

I shook my head. "I guess not… I just… thought you stopped caring."

For some reason, he smiled. "Do you know why, of all the names available, your mother and I named you _Sage_?" I shook my head and he laughed. "I _hated_ the name for the longest time! But your mother… she was so sick with you, always throwing up, always dry-heaving into wastebaskets because of one smell or another… and then one night she was making chicken with sage." I cocked an eyebrow at him. "And she wasn't sick. We thought it was the chicken at first, but the next time we had chicken, she threw it straight back up… so we figured it had to be the sage." He smirked. "And it was. We had to cook _everything_ with sage from then on out. I got so sick of the taste, of the smell, everything." He lit another cigarette and I took one as well, leaning forward so he could light it. "But it eased her stomach and it helped you grow… so I never once complained." He blew a large puff of smoke out, laughing and coughing all at once. "_Until_ we were at the hospital, and I was looking into those big, beautiful eyes of yours and your mother told me she wanted to name you _Sage_. I thought we were gonna kill each other, but I finally caved. I could deny her nothing."

Smiling, I took another drag. "I always wondered why I was named after a goddamn herb."

"That's why." He smirked, but then his face fell. "You and Emmett been taking care of yourselves health-wise? Getting checked out, screened…"

"Yeah." I told him. "Every year… twice… in my case… you know, 'cause of mom." He nodded. "I'm doing OK." I assured him. "I missed having you around… I missed having my dad… but I'm OK."

"Yeah, you look like you're doing real well." He agreed. "Except for whatever stunts your brother pulls."

I smiled. "Yeah, well, things have gotten… more complicated, but better, in some ways, since Jasper got back from Iraq."

Dad coughed and laughed again. "Yeah, I shoulda guessed an Army boy. The way he's been standing there, like he's on duty. Only time he's relaxed out of Attention was when you turned to look at him."

"Visiting Hours are now over for the day." A nasally voice called over the loudspeaker.

The inmate's gate buzzed and opened and Dad and I stood as one.

"I love you, Daddy." I whispered.

"I love you too, Baby." He answered, coming around the table to hug me. "Don't wait so long to come see me, OK? I've missed you so much. I don't want to miss out on your entire life."

I nodded into his chest. "Every month." I promised. "I don't think I can get down more often than that… But every month, I promise."

He pulled back and smiled. "I'd like that." His eyes flicked back to Jasper. "Go on. Don't keep him waiting." I smiled and turned to leave. As I reached the gate he called out to me again and I turned. "You're just as beautiful as your mother, Baby Girl." And then he turned and marched straight through the gate at the opposite end as I stifled a sob and wiped away tears while Jasper led me back out to the truck.

The entire drive back home was silent. I was curled into Jasper's side, crying silently as he held me and stroked my hair lightly. When we finally arrived home, Jasper stopped in the kitchen for a glass of water while I trudged downstairs to the basement.

The sight that met my eyes when I got there was terrifying. Our tiny living room was in shambles. The TV was smashed, the coffee table in pieces, the couch shredded, and sitting in the middle… Emmett, swaying slightly, with a bottle of Jim Beam in his hand.

His eyes were red and bloodshot, his face pale and drawn. When he looked at me, it was as though he were looking _through_ me.

"Well, well, well…" he slurred. "The Prodigal Sister returns."

"Emmett," I murmured quietly. "Are you OK?"

He laughed coldly. "Just _perfect_." He staggered to his feet.

"Emmy," I sidestepped, trying to get closer to my room. "You've been drinking."

"Yes… Yes, I have." he replied, smiling slightly.

"Where's Rose?"

His face crumpled and scrunched in anger and he threw the bottle, shattering it against the wall. I jumped at the noise, giving him the desired reaction. "She's left!" he shouted. "She's staying with friends because she's so fucking pissed off at this Whole. Damn. Thing."

I sidestepped again and he moved with me, a sort of sick dance between my brother and I.

"Emmett!" Jasper growled, thundering down the stairs, but Emmett stepped forward, planting himself between Jasper and I. "Emmett, go upstairs and sleep it off. Walk away. Now." Emmett swung out and Jasper dodged as I screamed, covering my mouth.

"Back off, Jasper."

"No. Go sleep it off."

"Ah…" Emmett smiled now, waggling his finger at him. "Jasper… you are not the Patron Saint of Baby Sisters… or Horny Teenagers… You are simply trying to slip in, get your hands on Sage, and either take my place as big brother, or…" his eyes narrowed. "_Fuck _her." Jasper tensed at those words. "So which is it? You always try to be honest with Sage, have you been honest about that?"

"Emmy, stop it, please! You're drunk! You promised me I'd never see you drunk!" I cried.

Emmett spun and grabbed my arm, yanking me around and shaking me. "I made a lot of promises back when you listened to what I had to say!" he yelled in my face. My head spun at his whiskey-laced breath. "I made a lot of promises when you were a sister and not a rebellious, ungrateful little bitch!" he gave me another shake as his fingers dug into my arm.

Jasper grabbed Emmett's wrist and squeezed with one hand, prying his fingers from me with the other. "Emmett!" he yelled, punching him and pressing me behind him. "This is _Sage_. Your _baby sister_. You're handling her like an abuser!"

That seemed to sober Emmett up immediately and he stared at me over Jasper's shoulder for a long moment. He blinked and reached for me. "Sage…"

I let out a sob, still clutching my arm where he'd grabbed me. "You promised me I'd never see what Dad was like when he was drunk…" I cried. "But Dad never hurt either of us when he was drunk."

With that, I ran, skirting around Jasper and straight into my room. I locked the door, and fled to the bathroom, locking both access doors and sinking down to the tile to cry.

"Sage?" Jasper's voice called through his door. "Sage, please? Just let me know you're OK? Please?"

I crawled to the tub and turned the faucet on full force, then stood and did the same with the shower. I turned to the vanity and turned both sinks on as well, sinking back to the floor with my back to the cabinets and crying. At least the rushing water helped to drown out my sobs.

_**End Note: If you leave me a review, I'll send you a teaser **___


	15. Save A Horse

_**A/N: Me no own.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult language, themes, and content. There will be lemons in the future. If you are not at least 18, please do not read this story.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday, the Holy Mother of all pre-readers.**_

_**Love to HammerHips, the Holy Schwoogie-Muffin of my Red Hot Mama.**_

_****A big shout-out to Siobhan 2006 (1/2 of Sneaky Snarky Subs, co-writer of the blog Twilight Under the Sheets) for rec'ing Control to her readers and hangers-on. I've been a fan of the Subs for some time and I cannot tell you how much it means to be to be noticed and rec'd on the blog. Check it out, if you're interested. I hope to live up to the high bar she's set for me with that wonderful rec. htt:/twilightbetweenthesheets (dot) blogspot (dot) com/**_

Chapter 14: Save A Horse

_And I wouldn't trade ol' Leroy  
Or my Chevrolet for your Escalade  
Or your freak parade  
I'm the only John Wayne left in this town_

-"Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy" by Big & Rich

_**Jasper POV**_

When I woke up the next morning, the house was completely silent. I wasn't sure if it was a good or a bad thing. When I got to the bathroom, Sage's bedroom door was open, so I closed it quietly to relieve myself and brush my teeth, but then I opened it again to peek in at her.

Sage was curled up in the middle of her bed, clutching her arm across her chest. From her shoulder to her elbow was completely bruised. Streaks of purple interspersed with sickly green indicated where Emmett's fingers had dug into her flesh and the bicep has a strange ripple going on, as though the muscle were dented from his grip.

_I should kill Emmett_.

I reached down and lightly stroked her shoulder. She inhaled sharply and opened her eyes, blurrily focusing on me. She made to sit up, but winced and I immediately pulled her up so that I could sit, and pulled her into my lap.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered.

Sage rested her head in the crook of my neck, sighing. "For what? You didn't do anything."

"I should've found a way to keep that from happening." I replied. She shook her head, resting it lightly against my shoulder. "Yes, I should've."

"There was nothing you could've done. Don't beat yourself up." She murmured.

I sighed and gently ran my fingertips over her bruised arm, relishing the tingling that spread through my fingers and up into my arm. "That's what we do though, isn't it?" I asked. She lifted her head enough to look into my eyes, a questioning look painting her features. "That's why you keep pushing me toward Alice?"

She groaned and rolled off my lap. "Whatever."

"That's why, isn't it? You're still blaming yourself for what happened with Maria." Sage wandered into the bathroom and closed the door. I waited several long minutes as she went through her morning routine before she came back and began rooting through her drawers. "Sage?"

"What was the thing Peter needed an English rider for?" she asked suddenly.

"Sage!" I cried in exasperation. She was trying to control the conversation. No one ever took control of our conversations. "Will you please just—"

"Jasper!" she yelled, not bothering to turn around, but her back went rigid. "This right here is me changing the subject to something I can stand to talk about, OK? Just fucking let it be!" we both took in sharp breaths and then she continued in a more level tone, "What did Peter need with an English rider?"

I huffed. "His parents own a ranch up near Napa." I explained. "They board horses in exchange for being allowed to use them to give riding lessons." She turned and raised an eyebrow at me. "Neither of his parents ride English and their one trainer who _did_ ride English up and quit without notice."

"I can't teach riding." She mumbled before turning back to her drawers.

"No… They just got a few new horses in that are allegedly trained for English riding, but they've got no one to ride them to make sure they're well-trained." I eyed her carefully, the muscles in her back were loosening slightly. "Pete was kinda hoping you'd have a go on them."

"I'd love to." She finally pulled out one of my old gray Army T-shirts and a pair of jeans.

"Alright… I'll give him a call later and see when we can get up there."

"OK." She turned and watched me expectantly. When I stared back for several long moments, she finally sighed and said, "Jazz? I'd like to get dressed now and face this bullshit sham of a day."

I stood immediately. "Sorry." I mumbled and left. I wandered upstairs to find Emmett sitting at the breakfast bar sipping coffee. I pulled a mug down from the cabinet and poured myself a cup.

"How is she?" he asked. His voice was a rasp. I'd been ignoring him until he spoke, and I now noticed his eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot.

I couldn't help myself though. Regardless of the fact that he'd been drunk at the time, he'd laid hands on Sage in anger, and in turn, I wanted to kill him. "Mentally or physically?"

"Both."

"Horrible either way." I answered coldly, causing him to flinch. "You bruised her arm. It's really fucking ugly."

Sage walked in at that moment and I immediately pulled down a mug and handed it to her. She gave a small smile of thanks and poured herself a cup.

"Sage?" Emmett asked. She ignored him. "Sage, can we talk, please?" she continued to ignore him and when she made to pass him, he reached for her, but she slid out of his reach easily.

"When you decide to act more like a brother and less like a dictator, we'll talk. Until then, everything that comes out of your mouth is complete bullshit." She answered, grabbing my cigarettes off the counter and heading out to the deck.

His eyes widened. "When did she start smoking?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, debating whether or not to answer him. Finally, I said, "Off and on at least since graduation… it's picked up quite a bit since things have started going downhill between you two." I took a large gulp of coffee. "Where's Rose?"

He drew in a shuddering breath. "She's staying with Erin and Jayla… she said she's not coming home until I make things right with Sage." He eyed her back carefully as she blew smoke rings. "I don't know how to make her see I just want what's best for her."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah… it was best for her that she thought her dad didn't want anything to do with her."

"Our dad is a fucking drunk who _killed_ someone." He snarled.

"Your dad was just a regular dad before he became a drunk. And he was good to her." I snarled right back. "You should've seen the look on his face when he realized it was Sage that he was looking at. It was like he was given the crown fucking jewels. And she feels better… lighter… maybe not so invisible or rejected now. Why isn't that worth anything to you?" he didn't answer me. "She wants to go back every month. I'll take her, if that's what she wants, but if you ever try to stop her again, or if we ever come back to find you in the state you were in last night, I can guaran-damn-tee I will take Sage and we will not be back except to collect our belongings." His eyes narrowed at that. "If you can't be her big brother, without all the _bullshit_ you heap on her, then I will take her. She won't fight me." And then I was pleading with him. "You're gonna lose her if you don't back off her and let her live… she needs to make her own choices, Emmett…" his face fell, his eyes on his hands. "She's going to be nineteen soon. Make it her gift that you just… back off."

He huffed. "I'll work on it." He rasped. "But nip that, please." He nodded toward Sage as she lit another cigarette. "We pay all that money into health insurance so she can get all the cancer screenings and she's gonna give herself lung cancer.

"I'll work on it." I repeated his words back to him. "And I'll give Rose a call." He gave me a small smile, and then it dawned on me. "Speaking of… When's she gotta be back in Texas?"

"Right after the New Year… we were thinking we'd all go down the week before."

"Actually, I was thinking Sage and I would head up to Napa." I countered and Emmett stared at me appraisingly. "Peter's parents have a ranch up there. Sage would probably love to ride and it'd be a good time for you two to get some space." I answered his unspoken question. "Char'll be there, if that's what worries you. She won't be stuck in a confined space with just two ex-Army guys, she'll have Char there and Peter's parents."

Emmett gave me a long, hard look. "Fine." He murmured quietly. "Just… I don't know… put a good word in for me or something."

Internally, I groaned. I didn't want to owe Emmett anything but it seemed he felt that by _allowing_ Sage to go to Peter's with me, that's exactly what he felt. I _owed_ him.

Truth be told, I couldn't bring myself to be too concerned with that. My own problems with Sage were quickly coming to a head and if I wasn't careful, they'd explode in a very messy fashion.

She kept pushing me toward Alice and it hurt. Yes, Alice was very nice and sweet and pretty, and maybe I was seeing things that weren't there with Sage, but… I wanted Sage. And she wanted me to have Alice.

Maybe my signals were crossed. Maybe I'd misread something between us and she truly didn't feel the same. It made my stomach sour to think that, but at the same time, I couldn't fault her.

After I'd excused myself from Emmett's company, I made my way back downstairs and locked the door to my room and Sage's bathroom door. I was going to have to face something about myself that I hadn't done since I was sixteen. It was the reason I'd kept Maria at arm's length, the reason that I'd do the same with Alice. The only person I'd _ever_ considered showing was Sage, but even then, I knew I'd chicken out given half a chance.

I never walked around without a shirt for a reason. I never looked in the mirror if I didn't have a shirt on. I couldn't look. It brought back too many memories. But maybe it was time to move on. Maybe on some unconscious level (because I know Rose would never have told Sage about it), Sage was forcing me to move forward by pushing me toward Alice.

So I stood in front of the mirror and pulled my T-shirt off, grimacing at the puckered white lines that skimmed my shoulders and just below my collarbones. I turned, nearly blacking out at the rush of memories, and craned my neck over my shoulder to watch more of the white puckered skin blaze trails over my shoulder blades, across the small of my back, crisscrossing each other to create a webbed weave over my flesh.

There was a reason I never showed anyone.

A reason I never _told_ anyone.

A reason I would only ever consider telling Sage.

She was the only one who wouldn't judge.

But it didn't matter now.

I sighed and pulled my shirt back on before heading back into my room. I picked up my cell phone off the desk and scrolled through the contacts until I found the one I was looking for.

_Alice_.

I hit the _Call_ button and put the phone to my ear.

_**Sage POV**_

"You got everything you need?" Jasper asked as he grabbed my oversized duffel bag from my bed.

"Yeah… I think…" I screwed up my face in thought. Peter's parents had most everything I'd need. All I needed were my riding clothes and boots, which was actually a relief, because as much as I'd always loved riding, I'd never felt the burn to buy my own saddle, blanket, anything because I was too busy saving for my car, saving for sending care packages, saving for escaping Emmett… too many things required money that I couldn't waste on riding.

Honestly, I wasn't fond of English riding. The reason I'd chosen it was because it was a more refined style, more difficult, required more concentration; but I enjoyed riding Western because all I had to do was forget everything English riding had taught me.

"Boots?" he asked, always one to double-check.

"Uh… by the door." I pointed. "Field, Ropers, and Barn." He gave me a look. "I put no fuckery past Peter. It would totally be like him to con me into mucking the stalls and I _like_ my Field and Ropers too much to muck stalls in them." He rolled his eyes and hauled my bag up the stairs and out to the truck as I went through my mental checklist.

When he returned, I was still staring off into space and I didn't notice him until he nudged me to sit on the bed.

"You OK?"

"Yeah. Just lost in thought. Don't want to forget anything."

He smirked. "Well, I saw you pack two pairs of breeches and five pairs of jeans, so I think riding-wise, you're covered." I nodded. "You packed your toiletry bag and put it in just before I took the bag." I nodded again. "You packed shirts and underwear." He blushed and I rolled my eyes, but nodded. "Socks… hairbrush… toothbrush…" he started naming things at random, trying to move me along faster.

"_Buzz_." I added, simply to shut him up. Wish not granted.

"_What_?" his voice hiked up an octave.

I rolled my eyes again. "Jesus Christ, Jazz! It was a joke!" and then it dawned on me. "Gloves!" I bolted to my closet and pulled down a small cardboard box and extracted three pairs of riding gloves. "Track." I tossed him a brown pair. "Gripper." A pair of navy blue. "And cotton." A pair of black. "I'm good now."

"You're sure?" he raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded. "Positive?" I nodded again. "We're not coming back if you forgot something." I rolled my eyes. "OK then." I grabbed all three pairs of boots and we headed up the stairs to find Emmett and Rosalie dragging luggage down from their room.

"You've got the tickets?" Rose was asking.

"Yes."

"And the itinerary?"

"Yes, Babe."

They stopped when they saw us.

_Awkward_.

_Why_?

_Shut up. Just shut up_.

"We'll call you with the outcome." Rosalie told Jasper. He nodded curtly, tensed for anything Emmett might do or say.

For his part, Emmett looked rather reserved. He wasn't letting anything past the impassive mask. "Have fun with the horses, Sage." He murmured. "And be safe. Don't forget to warm up and practice if you plan on doing any jumping. You remember that bad fall you took when Van Gogh caught his backs on that hurdle that one time."

I nodded, just as tense as Jasper, but also grateful for his concern. I'd almost ended up in traction, but had simply had a bruised pelvic girdle and tailbone. Still… it wasn't fun to tell people I almost broke my ass. Literally.

Rosalie offered me an encouraging smile. "Maybe next time, we'll go out too." I nodded. "I packed some sandwiches for you guys." She nodded to the cooler sitting on the breakfast bar. "There's some bottled water in there too."

"Thanks, Rose." Jasper replied, grabbing the cooler.

We said our goodbyes and headed out to the truck. When we hit the interstate, Jasper sighed.

"What kinda sandwiches did she pack us?"

I bent down and opened the cooler at my feet, groaning as I held up two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Upon closer inspection, however, I saw seeds… Strawberry and grape jelly did _not_ have seeds. I pulled out one sandwich and handed it to Jasper.

"Tell me what jelly that is."

He took a large bite and chewed thoughtfully, swallowing, before finally stating, "Raspberry." He nodded. "It's not bad. I used to gag behind your back whenever you'd spread it on your toast… but it's really not bad."

I smiled in relief and grabbed the other sandwich. "I guess I'm not _always_ ignored."

He finished his sandwich in two more bites and then wrapped an arm around me and pulled me back to lean against him. "Rose was pissed about that whole jelly thing." I raised an eyebrow at him. "At Emmett." He clarified. "She yelled at him for about three hours… he's always kept quiet whenever you refused to eat her strawberry shortcake or her grape and cherry turnovers and she would take offense… I think she thought you were just being difficult… and you just assumed she knew and didn't care."

I frowned around my sandwich. "I'm sure Emmett didn't remember."

"Why would you say that?"

"Have you met my brother?" I snorted. "Does he give you the impression he actually pays attention? When I was about ready to swing that bat at you three, it didn't even dawn on him when I pointed out the only jellies were grape and strawberry." I leaned my head back against his shoulder and popped the last piece of my sandwich in my mouth.

"You're not always ignored though." He muttered indignantly.

"Not by _you_." I snickered. "But that's just because you actually genuinely like me as a person."

He shook his head. "_Right_. I'm the _only_ person who pays attention to you. Let's not forget _Alec_ or _Felix_ or _Demetri_—"

"Demetri's gay, you know that right?"

Jasper snorted a laugh. "Oh. Well… maybe he just liked your manicure."

I smirked at that and then sat forward as we pulled onto a dirt track winding away from the narrow lane we'd pulled off the interstate for. I smiled as I took in the land Peter's parents owned, the cattle on one side with several dogs and ranch hands on horses herding them around.

"Wow." I breathed.

"Nice, huh?"

"Way better than that place you took me to ride back in Texas."

"Well _excuse me_." He feigned offense. "I was only fifteen, not like I could take you anywhere _fancy_."

"Oh shush. You're just jealous."

"Damn straight." He grumbled.

When we finally pulled up to the large plantation-style house, Peter and Charlotte were waiting for us on the front porch swing. As soon as Jasper shifted into _Park_, I flew out of the truck and tackled Char while Peter simply mumbled something about "_a third_" again.

"Sugar, we're gonna have to fix that hair!" Char cried, lifting my hair off my neck to peer at the roots. "Your hair must've grown three inches already! Look at that!"

I snickered. "I was actually thinking we'd do a different color this time."

"Ooh, I like the way you think." She winked at me and then turned to Jasper to hug him. "Hey there, Good-Looking, how are ya?"

"I'm good, Char. How are you?"

"I'm blond and busty, how bad can I be?" she quipped, giving him a hip-bump.

"Hey, Petey." I smirked as he cringed at the new nickname.

"Hey there, Tarragon." He replied, then frowned. "I guess that one's even worse than Basil."

"Yeah, it really is." I laughed as he pulled me into a one-armed hug.

"I didn't think that one through." He grumbled.

Jasper grinned and headed back to the truck to grab our bags. "Where're we sleeping, Pete?" he called over his shoulder.

"The two rooms on the ground floor." He smirked. "You should feel right at home. They've got a Jack'n'Jill."

I rolled my eyes. "When can I get at those horses?"

"As soon as you can get dressed. I assume you're not wearing shorts and Chucks to ride." He deadpanned.

"Nah. If I'm gonna have saddle sores, I'd prefer…" I trailed off with an evil grin. "Nevermind."

"WOMAN!" Peter hollered, forcing Char and I to collapse into giggles. "YOU ARE EVIL!"

Charlotte simply shook her head and led me inside as Jasper followed with the bags. "Come on, Sugar. Let's get you riding, then you and I'll have some girl time. Lord knows I could use it after being stuck with him for the past two weeks."

"Where are his parents? I thought they'd be here." Jasper asked.

"Oh they're staying up at the vineyard for a while. Something about Peter and I being very loud at night." Jasper and I groaned at that. "Here we are. Take your pick." She smiled and drifted off upstairs, leaving Jasper and I to settle in.

A half-hour later, I was fully dressed in a pair of flesh-tone riding breeches and a jade green scoop-neck shirt. Jasper had left my boots outside my door, so I carried the Barn and Ropers in and set them down in the closet before grabbing my field boots and heading out to the porch swing to put them on.

Jasper and Peter were watching me from the barn and Charlotte came out of the house behind me with a bottle of water. I thanked her and pulled my boots on, tucking my breeches down into them, and smoothing the stiff leather below my knees, before heading to the barn.

Peter was leading a tall solid brown horse out of the barn by the lead as Jasper straightened the saddle slightly.

"He's too big for her." Jasper was saying.

"He's fine." Peter argued.

"He'll throw her!"

"He's trained."

I rolled my eyes. "Looks like a Quarterhorse." I called.

Peter nodded. "Sisco here is half Quarterhorse, half Appaloosa. Think you can handle him?"

I smirked. "I learned on one bigger than him." Jasper was still frowning worriedly and I smacked his arm. "Give me a leg up, Jas."

He rolled his eyes as I stuck my left foot in the stirrup, but he grabbed my elbow with one hand and placed the other in the small of my back to help me up. I threw my leg over and immediately leaned down to begin adjusting the stirrups.

"Helmet?" I asked. Peter cocked an eyebrow at me and I said, "It's been a while, Pete… and since you're not really sure if this horse is trained, I'd rather my brains stay on the _inside_."

He smirked and pulled a helmet off a peg just inside the barn door. "Here ya go." I smiled gratefully and fastened it on. Once done, he took the lead and clicked his tongue, leading Sisco over to a large arena and straight into the middle of it before detaching the lead and walking back over to the fence.

I took up the reins, but didn't pull, choosing to test Sisco's willingness to follow non-verbal commands. I pressed my right heal into the soft flesh of his flank and he immediately began sidestepping to the left. I stopped and repeated the process with my left heal.

"OK then," I whispered. "Let's walk." And I clicked my tongue and squeezed his flanks with both feet. He walked slowly and I let him ease into comfort with me before I kicked him into a trot, already feeling the burn in my thigh muscles as I worked to keep my back straight and lift _up…down…up…down_. "Good boy, Sisco." I murmured. "Let's canter." And I squeezed him again and again he sped up. We cantered for several laps around the ring before I finally kicked him into a full gallop, surprised by his obedience and speed. When I could tell he was beginning to tire, I pulled back on the reigns and he slowed, finally coming to a stop in front of Jasper, Charlotte, and Peter as they sat on the fence watching.

"Well?" Peter asked expectantly as I dismounted.

"He takes the saddle well. From my limited and unprofessional experience, he's well-trained. He didn't stutter under my guidance… he knew what I was doing when we started the trot and he didn't seem uncomfortable." I patted Sisco's shoulder. "He's a good horse. Good dressage."

Peter nodded and reattached the lead to Sisco's bridle before leading him out of the ring. I followed him into the barn and perched on a stool as I waited for the next horse to be brought out. Peter put Sisco back in his stall and moved to the stall closest to me where a slighter black horse waited.

"Mustang." He explained as he led the horse out to be saddled. "His name's Diablo… and he's a hellion. He doesn't take to well to the Western saddle riding… and especially not to me." He grimaced. "Threw me 'fore I even made it ten paces with him."

"Did you spur him?" I asked.

"Yeah, so?"

"So… he may not have taken too kindly."

Peter rolled his eyes at me. "_Right_." He drawled. "Just be careful." He finished saddling Diablo and we strode back out to the ring. Peter gave me a leg up this time and led me back into the center before heading back to the fence.

I went through the same process with Diablo and one other horse, a brown and white Paint horse by the name of Coley. Diablo was moderately trained, but I could tell he'd take to Western easier. Coley wasn't trained in English at all, which was disconcerting to Pete because he wasn't trained in Western either.

The rest of the day was spent milling around the barn, getting acquainted with the horses and helping Peter care for them. When we were finally done, we headed back into the house to clean up and prepare dinner. Unfortunately, Jasper and I chose that moment to have our first ever idiotic fight.

"Mine!" I screamed.

"Not happening! I'm way worse than you!"

"What happened to _ladies first_?" I squealed as I clung to the bathroom doorframe for dear life. Jasper had grabbed my legs and was attempting to forcibly remove me from the bathroom so that he could shower first.

He tugged harder on my legs. I was completely horizontal and if he dropped me, it would hurt. "_You_ didn't muck the stalls! _You_ simply groomed horses all day!" he cried in exasperation.

"But I'm all icky! I was riding horses around for the first part of the day!"

"That's not helping your case, Sweetheart!" I heard Peter grumble something or other from somewhere else in the house. "I swear I'll save you some Goddamn hot water, just let me have the first shower!"

"Never!" I cried.

"Jesus Christ!" Peter yelled, storming down the stairs and turning into our hallway. "If it's that Goddamn important, shower together! Relieve some of that fucking sexual frustration ya'll are wrapped up in while you're at it! Jesus!" and then he was gone, stomping back up the stairs.

I peered at Jasper as he appraised me, then a wicked smile began to spread across his face and he gave one final, sharp tug and my fingers slid from the doorframe.

"No!" I cried, scrabbling to regain my hold, but he tossed me on my bed, bolted into the bathroom and locked the door. I scrambled off the bed and pounded on the door as he laughed at me. "Jackass!" I yelled.

"Jealous!" he yelled back.

_You have no—_

_Shut up._

_**End Note: I like reviews. If you like teasers, give me a review. It's a nice trade. Promise.**_


	16. We Wish You A Merry Christmas

_**A/N: Nope. Still don't own.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult content and future lemons. If this stuff offends you, please don't read this story.**_

_**I love RemyKilday. She rocks my world and kicks pre-reader butt.**_

_**I also love HammerHips. She makes me scream "Schwoogie-Muffin!"**_

Chapter 15: We Wish You A Merry Christmas

_W__e wish you a Merry Christmas;  
We wish you a Merry Christmas; _

_We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year._

-"We Wish You A Merry Christmas"

_**Jasper POV**_

New Years with Sage was a new experience for us both, but we already had a tradition in place. We'd been sending each other Christmas gifts for years, but with the holiday backlog through the mail system and the APO system, we'd never received them until a day or two before the New Year. From there, we simply decided to open them on December 31st.

Emmett and Rose had given us strange looks when we'd deferred to our "tradition", but neither of us had cared.

Part of me was excited to be able to give Sage her gift in person for the very first time, but the larger part was just plain nervous.

I snuck into her bedroom at five-thirty in the morning on the 31st, pausing to admire Charlotte's newest color and style job: they'd stripped the red out and replaced it with pale lavender. Charlotte had given her side-swept bangs and streaked them with the same lavender color. All in all, the effect was different, but nice, and she was happy to have "New Hair for a New Year".

I quietly put my hand over her mouth. Her eyes sprang open and found mine and I placed a finger to my lips, indicating she should be quiet. "Get dressed." I whispered and headed back into my own room. When we were both dressed in jeans, T's, and boots, we crept quietly out of the house with a blanket and our gifts stuffed into a backpack.

"Where are we going?" she whispered as we headed for the barn.

I smirked. "It's a surprise." I answered, drawling it out. Sage had to run to keep up as I headed straight for the tack room. I pulled Diablo's saddle and blanket off the rack and handed them to her. "Saddle up."

She gave me a quizzical look, but took the saddle and blanket and headed off to Diablo's stall. I grabbed the saddle and blanket for Sisco and moved to saddle him. By the time I was halfway through, Sage was wandering back down my way to grab Diablo's bridle and reins. She took Sisco's off the hook and handed them to me before heading off back to Diablo.

When we were done, I gave her a leg up and we took off out of the barn, aimed for one of the trails that led off to the east. I shot a glance over my shoulder to see her carefully guiding Diablo around fallen branches and logs.

"You gonna tell me yet?" she called, catching me looking at her.

"Nope." I answered, popping the P.

"Ass."

I laughed. "Can't you just let me surprise you?"

"No. I let you haul my ass out of bed at five-thirty."

Instead of answering her, I kicked Sisco into a trot and heard her do the same. We came into a clearing and I smiled as I heard her breathe a "Wow". For the end of December, it was probably the most beautiful place in the country; lush and green with white ginger and daffodils growing everywhere.

We stopped near the center and dismounted. I walked a ways away and pulled the blanket out and spread it out, sitting down and motioning for her to do the same.

Sage began digging in the backpack and pulled out an envelope… her present for me. She smiled and handed it over. "Merry Christmas."

I took it and gingerly slit the envelope open and pulled out a business card.

_Eleazer Alvaro_

_ Harmonious Music _

_ Record Producer_

_ (555) 557-4590_

I cocked an eyebrow at her and she blushed.

"You told me you'd like to record some of your songs some day." She explained and I could see the self-consciousness taking over as she fidgeted. "I… thought this would be a good start… fifty studio hours are already paid for."

To say I was speechless was an understatement. I hadn't the money to afford studio time and I knew for Sage to be able to afford it meant she dipped into her Escape Emmett fund. All I could do was lean over and pull her into a fierce hug. "Thank you." I whispered.

"You're welcome." She whispered back. I cleared my throat and pulled her into my lap before handing her the envelope I'd packed for her. She opened it and pulled out a plain sheet of paper.

_Look Right._

She cocked an eyebrow at me and I simply shrugged innocently. Her eyes darted to the right and then narrowed. "Jas?" she asked.

I rolled my eyes and hooked her chin with my index finger, turning her head to look at Diablo. Her eyes widened and she turned back to me, her eyes begging for confirmation. "Merry Christmas."

"Are you serious?" she cried. I nodded. "Oh. My. God! Jasper!" she hugged me tightly about the neck and laughed. "You bought me a _horse_?"

"You always wanted one… and I have a lot of money left over from being deployed and having no expenses."

She laughed. "I've never even had a goldfish and you bought me a whole Goddamn horse."

I hugged her back, smiling. "You like?"

"I love." She replied. "Was this what this whole trip was about?" she asked, leaning against me and laying her head in the crook of my neck.

"Kinda… yeah." I hedged. "I didn't want to go to Texas, so maybe my motives weren't entirely pure."

She hissed. "No. I don't think I'd want to be in Texas either. Have you heard from Rose? How's she doing?"

"She's panicking." I answered honestly, wrapping a protective arm around Sage's waist and pulling her tight against me. "She's scared she'll see Royce… scared he'll attack her."

"But he won't get out." She said confidently.

"I hope not." I breathed deeply, remembering how scared Rose had been all those years ago when she was pursuing her case against Royce. Hardly anyone had believed her, certainly his family hadn't and our mother was too impotent to care about Rose when she couldn't fix her own life. Without meaning to, I squeezed Sage to me and whispered, "No one will ever hurt you like that."

"I know." She murmured.

When we finally made it back to the house, the sun was high in the sky and Peter and Charlotte were up and moving.

"Good ride?" Peter asked. We nodded and his eyes narrowed at Sage. "Or was it a good _ride_?"

"Oh yes, I rode him so hard there's a hole in the ground." She deadpanned, heading straight for the bathroom.

I rounded on Peter, my eyes narrowed to slits. "Stop. _Now_."

"What?" he asked innocently.

"_Stop_ with the innuendo."

He made a _tsk_ sound in the back of his throat and shook his head. "It's not like she gets them. I mean, really, she's a smart girl, but I swear sometimes she's a real dumb blond." But I could tell by the look on his face even he didn't believe that statement.

"She gets them just fine." I growled. "She chooses to ignore them for my benefit, so _stop_!"

Peter sucked his teeth, glaring right back at me. "She ain't ignoring shit for your benefit. If she were, she wouldn't get pink in the cheeks every time I razz her." I felt the blush creep up into my face. "She knows exactly what I'm saying." His eyes narrowed. "And whether or not you _think_ you're playing your feelings close to the vest, she fuckin' knows. _That_, she's ignoring for your benefit."

"Peter, leave him alone." Charlotte chastised, coming out of the kitchen with two mugs of coffee. She handed one to each of us and touched my arm soothingly. "Ignore him, Sugar, he's bein' an ass." My eyes fell to my mug and I stared at the inky black liquid. "She knows you love her… she just doesn't know how much."

I scoffed. "How do you know?"

"Because for the past eight years, the only kind of _love_ she's known is Emmett's… controlling, volatile, sometimes violent. Give her time, Sugar."

I frowned. "I can't…" I sighed. "I sort of… asked someone out on a date."

Peter rolled his eyes. "Yeah, 'cause that's gonna make you forget about the Sugar Doll in the shower."

"Maybe it will." I argued.

"Or maybe you're just wastin' time when you should be—"

"_Enough_!" Charlotte snapped, quieting us both immediately. "Jasper, Peter feels you're avoiding what you feel for Sage in an attempt to stave off rejection. Peter, Jasper needs to deal with this on his own terms, in his own way, or he may chicken out entirely." She huffed. "Have you told her about this other girl?"

"She… she's sorta been pushing me to this other girl." I replied quietly.

"Jesus fucking Christ, you two are fuckin' _made_ for each other, you know that?" he cried.

Charlotte held up a hand. "That didn't answer the question."

I smirked. "No. I haven't told her yet."

"Told me what?"

I froze, eyes wide. Both Peter and Charlotte were looking past me to Sage. "Uh… Nothing." I stammered, throat dry.

"Right. You shouldn't lie. Maybe you should make it your New Year's Resolution, Jas." She replied and I waited until her footsteps disappeared down the hall again.

"I'll tell her when the time is right."

"Like when?"

_Great. Now Char's on my case._

I rolled my eyes. "I thought I'd wait 'til after the New Year."

They rolled their eyes at me and padding footsteps down the hall announced Sage's return. She was dressed in jeans and one of my old Army T-shirts, her long hair done in French braided pigtails. She padded right past me, muttering something about _bad liars_ and _finding out eventually_ before stalking off into the kitchen and returning with a mug of coffee.

She leaned in the doorway and stared at us, taking it all in. "So what'd I miss?" she asked.

"Nothing." I said again.

She rolled her eyes. "OK, how about another answer, Magic Eight Ball?" I scowled at her. "Fine." She shrugged. "Char'll just tell me later. We're going swimming tomorrow afternoon."

"That's our cue." Char snickered, taking Peter by the hand and leading him upstairs.

I sighed. "Fine…" I obviously wasn't going to win. Char would certainly spill the beans given half a chance. She had no loyalty to me if Sage was involved. "I… asked Alice out. Like you said."

Part of me was hoping she'd throw a fit. Not just any fit, but a fit worthy of a massive Emmett Clusterfuck. No such luck.

"That's great! When are you guys going out?"

"Uh… we're meeting up for coffee on the thirteenth."

"That's really cool, Jas. I'm happy for you." She smiled proudly and hip-bumped me as she passed. "Look at you, going out and getting a life! Glad one of us is!" and then she was gone, off back down the hall toward her room.

I thought I heard Peter say something that sounded like _"So fake"_, but I couldn't be sure, so I ignored it and went to take my own shower.

_**Sage POV**_

_He asked Alice out._

_He asked Alice out._

_He asked Alice out._

_Shut up._

_Shouldn't have told him—_

_Shut up!_

_He asked Alice out._

_Fuck!_

So _maybe_ pushing him toward Alice wasn't the brightest idea I'd ever had. But I wanted Jasper to be happy, and there was never any way I could make him happy. Not with the current state of things, not with how things were with Emmett, not with how things would probably always be with Emmett. Jasper deserved more happiness than I could give him.

So I'd sit and watch and dammit! I'd be fucking happy for him. I could do that. That's what best friends do, right?

_Right._

_That, and strangle dancing pixies when they—_

_Shut. The. Fuck. Up!_

_Damn inner monologue._

_Great. I've gone insane._

_Fuck._

_Me._

_Sideways._

_Please._

I had to lock myself in my room to get the kind of peace required to sort it all out in my head. There was a part of me that was…

_Oh God._

_This is a very bitter pill._

_Swallow it, Sage._

Jealous.

_See? That wasn't so hard._

Part of me was jealous.

Jasper could have any woman he wanted, so it was no wonder he wasn't after me. I'd just always been the convenient friend, the one who'd write, who'd play music with him, who'd send care packages. I was the one who knew him inside and out.

No one would ever get that close to him.

But if he wanted them to, I would need to bow out gracefully and accept it.

_Bitter pill, twelve o'clock._

_Open._

_Swallow._

No matter how much I didn't want to.

We spent New Year's Eve in a quiet fashion, eating grilled steak and baked potatoes before settling in to watch the ball drop. I sat on Jasper's lap and listened to him breathe as we quietly counted down to the New Year. We watched Peter and Charlotte kiss like fiends at midnight, and at 12:05, I quietly excused myself to bed.

_Depressing_.

Charlotte and I did go swimming down at the lake a few miles from the house the next day. One look at Char in her fire engine red bikini, and Peter decided he wanted to swim as well, so he and Jasper joined us.

Unfortunately, the only bathing suit I owned was a black strapless bandeau bikini, and it was about to show off two more pieces of information that I didn't need Emmett finding out about, but thankfully I was in decent company.

Jasper's eyebrows immediately shot up when he noticed the steel barbell in my bellybutton. It wasn't something I normally hid, but from Emmett… always.

"How come I've never noticed that?" he whispered to me as I spread my towel out on the dock.

"Because I usually have a flesh-tone space-holder in it in case Emmett catches a glimpse." I whispered back conspiratorially. He smirked.

"How about that tattoo?" Peter asked, giving me a pointed look. Jasper began explaining the meaning of the tattoo on my ribs as I had explained it to him. Peter nodded thoughtfully and said, "That's great… but I meant the one on her hip."

I blanched. No one had ever noticed it before. It was designed that way.

Jasper watched me carefully as I tried to move in a way that would keep my left hip out of view, but he slid easily in front of me, his eyes zeroing in on the pale yellow ink. There was no black, no outline to give it away, a simple pale yellow line wrapped around itself to create the shape of an awareness ribbon.

I blushed. "It's… you know… for the troops."

Peter snorted. "Yeah… right… 'cause you know _so_ many soldiers who need supporting."

"Peter, does your jaw ever get tired of flapping? Because I swear to God they can feel the breeze on the East Coast." I retorted.

He snickered. "It's _cute_. Real sweet."

"Kiss my ass." I answered. I felt my eyes go wide. I'd been paying so much attention to Peter that it took me by surprise to feel Jasper's index finger lightly tracing the tattoo. "Jazz?" I asked.

Jasper blushed immediately. "Sorry. Couldn't help myself." My eyes narrowed at him and he narrowed his in return. "Fine. Don't believe me." His grin turned malicious as he scooped me up and tossed me off the dock as I shrieked.

As I hit the water, I curled into a ball and then unfurled myself quickly, forcing my body down. The sun was high enough that I could see them watching for me from the dock, but they were looking at the wrong spot, so they couldn't see me.

Jasper and I had never been swimming together, so he'd never had opportunity to do this before… and I'd never had opportunity to freak him out before.

_Mad breath-holding skills, Baby._

I watched him shift restlessly, waiting…

Waiting…

Waiting…

_Jesus, lesser humans would be dead by now!_

And then he and Peter dove in, Jasper hadn't even bothered to take off his black T-shirt. I swam for the dock, popping up at the ladder and climbing quickly and quietly up. Charlotte shot me a look of disapproval mixed with amusement, but she kept quiet while I sat down on the end of the dock and put my feet in the water.

They surfaced.

"Where the hell is she?" Jasper yelled.

"I can't fuckin' see her!" Peter replied, diving again. He surfaced a moment later. "I hope she didn't get caught on something at the bottom.

"I didn't." I called and they both turned.

"You bitch!" Peter yelled and they swam quickly back to the dock.

"Oh chill the hell out!" Charlotte cried. "She's fine."

That did little to deter Peter as he grabbed my ankle and yanked so hard I flew off the dock with another loud shriek. I surfaced again and Jasper locked me in his arms, holding me to him. "You scared the shit outta me. Don't ever do that again."

"It was a joke, Jas."

"I know that… But I thought I'd thrown you in the shallows and you'd hit your head or something."

"Actually, in all likelihood, I'd have floated if that had been the case."

"Sage…" he warned.

I smiled. "I promise… as long as you promise not to throw me off the dock without my permission anymore."

"I promise." He kept his arms around me and proceeded to kick, swimming us both backwards around the lake.

I giggled. "I can swim, you know."

"I know." He gave it so much of a drawl that it came out as _"Ah no-wah_._"_

"Hey!" Peter called out. "Chicken fight?"

"Oh geez." I groaned.

"Unless you think your scrawny ass can't take Char." He teased.

"C'mon, Sweetheart." Jasper whispered. "Kick some ass… it'll give you bragging rights forever."

I leaned my head back against his shoulder and he leaned his ear down so I could whisper, "But Char's boobs scare me… they have their own gravitational field."

Jasper snickered. "You can take her. You've got Jiu-Jitsu on your side."

"So's Peter."

"But Peter's not gonna be on Char's shoulders." And without another word, he hoisted me onto his shoulders and beckoned to Peter and Char. "Bring it on."

I balanced precariously on his shoulders, winding my legs around his torso and bracing my feet against his back as he gained his footing on the slippery lake bottom. Peter and Char mimicked us and joined us in the shallows.

"OK… rules?" Peter asked.

"No pulling tops down." I said.

"Dammit." Peter muttered.

"No snapping straps." Char added.

"No hair-pulling."

"No eye-gouging."

"And," I sighed. "No junk shots from the two of you." I looked down at the guys, but pointedly at Peter. I knew it wasn't beyond him to knee Jasper in the balls.

"Got it." Everyone agreed.

Charlotte and I grasped each other's shoulders and waited for Peter to count us down to _Go_.

"Five… four… three… two…" he paused for dramatic effect. "ONE!"

Char and I began pushing and shoving all at once and Jasper and Peter adjusted, trying to keep us upright. We shrieked several times, each of us nearly losing our balance, but we were laughing.

Jasper's arms locked tightly around my legs and he gripped my thighs firmly as I shrieked and nearly toppled backward at one of Char's harder pushes.

When I'd righted myself, I shoved her equally as hard and waited for Peter to compensate. "Pete!" I yelled and when his eyes found mine, I did the only thing I could think of: I flashed him. His eyes widened like saucers as I smirked and his grip on Char's legs slackened. With a shrill yell, she toppled backwards into the water and I quickly readjusted my top to cover myself.

"That's not fair! Cheater!" Peter yelled indignantly as Char surfaced and began slapping him for dropping her.

"We never said _no flashing_!" I yelled back, laughing.

Jasper grabbed my hips and swung me back down into the water, chuckling as he did. "Nice! _Nice_!"

Peter scowled. "Well, I've certainly seen more of her than you now, Jasper."

Jasper scoffed. "OK, Pete." But his eyes had darkened, whether in anger or embarrassment, I had no idea, but his cheeks were scarlet.

The next few days passed in much the same fashion, with riding and swimming our primary pastimes. On the fifth, Peter and Charlotte decided to go out to a club for Ladies Night, but I wasn't feeling up to it, so Jasper decided to stay with me.

We sat quietly on the porch swing with glasses of wine from Peter's parents' vineyard. The twilight gave a comfortable silence from the surroundings as well.

"I like it out here." I sighed. "Maybe one day I'll live on a ranch."

Jasper smirked. "What happened to moving to Fiji? Getting eaten by sharks?"

I laughed. "Yeah, but now I've got a horse and I don't think Diablo can swim."

He nodded. "Very true."

"Besides, I always liked the more rustic lifestyle. I always loved Galveston. I really wanted to apply to university in Texas, but of course Emmett cock-blocked that idea. Maybe I'll move down South after I graduate."

He was watching me carefully out of the corner of his eye. "After graduation, huh?"

"Why not?"

"So you're staying at Berkeley?"

I shrugged. "Why not? The Journalism program is excellent… it's just Emmett that I'm trying to get away from, not a well-rounded education." He seemed to be appraising me. "_What_?"

"I just figured you'd up and move once your year was up."

I shrugged. "Well… I kinda thought for a while that maybe I might want to move to New York and pursue a Master's… Columbia has an amazing program… but I don't know… It's a long way from home… I wouldn't know _anyone_."

"'Cause you'd know so many people in Texas." He countered.

I shrugged. "That's different. At least if I were in Texas, you'd have a reason to come visit."

He scoffed. "Anywhere you are, I have a reason to visit." I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, Sweetheart."

I closed my eyes, still smiling. "Yeah… I guess… Besides, one day your kids'll wanna know all about the weird kid who wrote to you for years."

"My kids?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah. I picture you with the requisite white picket fence… the house… the dog… the wife… and the two point five kids."

He chuckled. "And where do you picture yourself?"

"Crazy Cat Lady comes to mind."

He rolled his eyes, but halfway through, his phone rang. I caught a glimpse of the screen as he slid his thumb along to answer it. _Rosalie._

"Rosie? What's up?" he asked when he put the phone to his ear. Normally we put our phones on _Speaker_. Whatever our siblings had to say could be heard by the other, but this was different. The parole hearing had been today. Jasper stiffened with whatever Rose was telling him and his hand found my shoulder and dragged me across the swing to rest against his chest. His free arm locked around my waist, his hand clamping down on my hip. "OK." He whispered. I stared at him in question and he simply shook his head. "It's OK. Don't worry." My breathing quickened. "OK. We'll see you at home." He hung up and for the longest time, he didn't say anything, but simply stared out into the distance.

"Jas?" I whispered and was shocked when he suddenly lifted me bodily from the swing and pulled me into his lap, burying his face in my neck. "Jas? What happened?" I asked and was shocked again when he trembled. I ran my fingers through his hair, surprised that I hadn't really realized it was down to his ears.

He trembled again and I felt a drop of moisture slide from his cheek down my shoulder, and for the first time in my life, I was truly scared. I'd never truly feared Emmett or my father. I'd never feared Maria. I'd never feared anyone or anything. But Jasper was my Hero. And if something could do this to my Hero, then I had cause to be afraid.

Jasper seemed to pick up on that prickle of fear and he pulled me closer, hugging me fiercely. He took a deep, measured breath, looked up into my eyes, and said the three words that would stop anyone in their right mind in their tracks. "Royce got parole."

_**End Note: I average about 5,000 words a chapter. Can you write me a sentence and tell me what you think of my story? Thanks. I'll send you a teaser if you do, mmm-kay?**_


	17. Brick By Boring Brick

_**A/N: Nope. Still don't own it.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult content and future lemons. Turn back now if you're offended by that sort of thing.**_

_**RemyKilday is my pre-reader. I love her.**_

_**HammerHips is my Schwoogie-Muffin. I'm her Red Hot Mama.**_

_******Readers Beware: For the next several chapters, you are about to HATE me. Yes, this is a Jasper/Sage story. Go with me and enjoy.**_

Chapter 16: Brick By Boring Brick

_It's all about the exposure the lens I told her  
The angles were all wrong now  
She's ripping wings off of butterflies  
keep your feet on the ground  
when your head's in the clouds  
Well go get your shovel  
And we'll dig a deep hole  
To bury the castle, bury the castle  
Well go get your shovel  
And we'll dig a deep hole  
To bury the castle, bury the castle_

-"Brick By Boring Brick" by Paramore

_**Sage POV**_

Royce… Made… Parole…

_Wow._

_Fuck_.

_Oh God_.

"Is Rose OK? Is Emmett taking care of her? What's going on?" I rambled quickly without thought, and absentmindedly fisting Jasper's shirt with my left hand.

He immediately pulled me closer, wrapping his other arm around me and cinching me to him. "Emmett is taking care of her… she's pretty much how you'd expect—"

"Devastated and scared?"

He nodded. "They're on their way home. Their flight leaves in the morning." He paused, considering me. "Do you want to go home?"

I chewed my lip.

If I was honest, I'd sound horrible. The truth was that I liked the little bubble we'd created for ourselves in Napa and if we went home, all the drama was sure to burst it. If we stayed, however, then I was keeping Jasper from where he was most needed: With his sister.

As if he were reading my mind, he murmured, "It's OK. I don't want to go either." He cupped my neck in his hand and squeezed gently in a gesture of reassurance. "We don't have to go. We can stay here until Friday, like we planned."

I took a deep breath. "No." I shook my head. "Rose needs you right now. If it were me in her place, I'd be begging Emmett to come home and go all Caveman." He gave me a tight smile. "It's OK, Jazz. We can come back another time… it's not like Diablo's going anywhere."

He ran his fingers through my hair and placed a soft kiss on the top of my head. "Thanks, Sage."

"Anytime."

I felt him smile into my hair. "We OK?"

"Always."

I made to get up off his lap, but he held me still. "I meant what I said before… No one will ever hurt you like that."

My brow furrowed. "I know, Jazz." I assured him. "You OK?"

His lips pressed into a thin line before he huffed a sigh and replied, "Past experience makes me worry. I just don't like thinking of Royce back on the streets… especially because you're out on the streets sometimes too."

I smirked. "But not the _same_ streets."

"Stranger things have happened." His grip tightened marginally. "I don't like to think of you getting hurt."

"I won't." I gave him what I hoped was an understanding smile and climbed off his lap. "I'm gonna go get ready for bed. We should probably head out early enough to get home before them… you know… just in case Rose really does need you to go all Caveman."

"OK. Sleep well." He replied.

I waved and padded through the house to my room. I changed quickly, brushed my teeth and washed my face, and fell into bed. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

We were up early the next morning, packed, and on the way before eight AM. Peter and Char were disappointed that we were leaving early, but I could tell they were somewhat relieved to have the house to themselves again. Their nighttime activities had caused Jasper and I to take up residence on the couch and turn up the volume on _Monty Python_ as loud as the TV allowed.

Emmett and Rose arrived from the airport around eleven. Rosalie looked pale and haggard and I was sure she hadn't slept more than a couple of hours since the parole hearing. Emmett was simply frazzled and I could tell he had no idea how to handle the situation.

Jasper immediately began tending to her, taking her to her room and getting her settled, asking if she needed anything, while Emmett and I waited and fidgeted on the couch.

After a while, Emmett sighed and asked, "How was Napa? You have fun?"

I nodded stiffly. "Jasper got me a horse for Christmas." He raised an eyebrow. "A black Mustang… his name's Diablo."

"That was generous."

"Yes it was." I fixed my eyes on the hardwood floor at my feet. "So how was Texas? You know… _before_ the hearing?"

"It was nice… We tooled around Galveston… we were up in Dallas for a day…"

Jasper came down the stairs and we both quieted. "She's sleeping… I don't know for how long, but she's sleeping." We nodded. "Sage, let's give Rose and Emmett some space. Em, she'll probably want you when she wakes up."

We both nodded again and I immediately stood and followed Jasper downstairs. As I made to go into my bedroom, Jasper put a hand in the small of my back and pushed me toward his room. He closed the door behind us and pressed his fingers into my hips, guiding me to sit on the bed.

"Jazz?" I asked.

He kneeled down in front of me and put his hands on my knees. "Royce made a threat to Rose that he'd find her." He murmured quietly. I felt my eyes go wide, but he ignored that. "Nothing we have is listed in Rose's name except her car and license, and he can't get our address that way… and he doesn't know about Emmett." I nodded. "But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be careful." I nodded again. "So from now on, if I'm not with you on campus, I want you to stick to crowds… no going into the parking garage, no going anywhere alone. From now on, you look through the peephole and you ask who's there before you answer the door."

"Jazz, I—"

"This isn't up for debate, Sage." He was stern now and I could tell Army Jasper was coming out, so I shrank back a little and took a submissive posture.

"You need to be careful who you talk to… I'm sure your Stranger Danger will be good for that." I nodded. "It's just a precaution, Sweetheart." He whispered soothingly as he took in my frightened reaction. "We're just going to be careful." I nodded. "Promise me."

"I promise, Jazz."

"Good girl." He stood up and stretched before kicking off his shoes and climbing onto his bed. "Come here." He held his arms open and I crawled up to lay spooned against him. "At least I know you're safe right here." He murmured into my hair. "I'd hate to have to go on a killing spree if something happened to you."

I smiled as his arms tightened around my waist. "At least you and Emmett would have something in common."

He snorted. "Right."

"He didn't even say anything about my hair."

"Wow. Progress."

"He looked like he was choking on his tongue." I muttered.

"But it's progress." I nodded and he nuzzled the back of my neck. "Nap with me. I'm tired."

"What time did you get to sleep last night?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know… two or three? It was after Pete and Char came back from the club."

"Ewww! Are you serious? So you've only had about three or four hours of sleep?" he nodded against my neck. "Yeah, you do need a nap. I'll let you get to that."

His grip tightened and he nuzzled my neck again. "No, stay. You're my calm right now and I really need that."

I sighed and settled back into his embrace. "OK."

We napped for hours that evening and spent the better part of the next few days alternating between tending to Rosalie and staying out of her way. I brought her tea every few hours and made sure she knew I was around if she wanted a woman to talk to. She'd scoffed when I'd said _woman_.

Most of my time was spent in Jasper's room, napping on his bed. Once things got rolling with Alice, who knew if I'd ever be able to nap in his bed again? I tried to memorize every bit of it. Especially the scent. Jasper always smelled comforting to me.

When the new semester started, it felt as though a weight had been placed upon my chest. Not only was Jasper's date speeding toward us like a runaway freight train, but my new classes were more in-depth than I'd anticipated. I was lucky though. I had my Chemistry lab with Alec and he seemed quite agreeable to a new study group arrangement. He'd even agreed to partner me in the practical part of the lab so that I wouldn't have to muddle through. I was even surprised to learn that Felix and I shared my Photo Journalism class.

I went to bed early the evening Jasper went out with Alice. It just seemed… appropriate.

OK, that's a lie.

It was more like self-preservation. I hadn't wanted to see what a good mood he'd be in when he got home. The next morning, I got up early and caught a ride to campus from Emmett and Rose, leaving only a sticky note on Jasper's door to let him know where I was.

By the time I was out of my first class, he'd called three times. I groaned internally and called him back.

"_What's up_?" he asked.

"Nothing. Just got out of Russian Lit." I answered. He was silent for several moments and I could tell he was waiting for me to ask how things with Alice went. "How was your date?"

"_Good… she's really nice._" He paused and drew in a long breath. "_I invited her for dinner tonight_."

I felt my eyes go wide. "That's fast."

"_Yeah, well I figured if she's psycho, this'll speed along the Discovery process_."

"That's not funny, Jazz." And it wasn't. It just wasn't.

"_I know, Sweetheart… You just sound upset._"

"I do not." I argued.

"_Yeah? Then why are you twirling your hair around your finger?_" I froze. "_Because you only ever do that when you're upset._"

I glanced around, finally finding him leaning against a railing off to my right. "You could just come sit and talk to me. No need to be all stalker-ish."

He smirked and hung up his phone before coming to sit on the bench I was occupying. "I missed you this morning." He started. I shrugged. "And last night." I shrugged again. "Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not." I lied easily for the first time in my life, probably because I knew his mind would go there and I was prepared for it. "I was tired last night and I wanted to get an early start in the library this morning."

That last part was only partially a lie. I had spent the extra morning time in the library. Either way, it didn't matter. He saw through it. He always would.

"I feel a _bullshit_ coming on."

I rolled my eyes. "Jazz, we're not talking about this."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so." I snapped and he looked hurt but let it go. I sighed and glanced at my watch. "I have to get to my Photo Journalism class. I'll meet you in the Quad after, OK?"

"Yeah." He replied quietly, not meeting my gaze.

That night, after class, I helped Rosalie fix dinner and cringed internally as the front door opened and Jasper and Alice walked in. She danced…

_Fucking danced!_

Over to Rosalie and hugged her tightly around the middle. Rosalie's eyes were as large as dinner plates and her eyes immediately found me. I shrugged.

"Hello, Rosalie! I've heard so much about you! We're going to be great friends, I just know it!"

"Uh…" Rose stammered. "OK. Hi…" she patted Alice on the head and was released for her effort.

Alice immediately turned to me and hugged me. "Sage! So nice to see you again! I'm glad to see the scar on your lip's fading. It was horrible."

_Wow. Backhanded compliment much?_

"Thanks…"

"Come on, Alice, I'll give you the grand tour." Jasper shifted uncomfortably and nodded as I mouthed _Keep Her the Fuck Out of My Room_.

Once they'd disappeared down the basement stairs, Rose turned to me. "Is she medicated?"

"I have no idea. I haven't spent much time with her."

"She's… _perky_."

"Yeah."

Rose watched me carefully. "I hate perky."

"Me too." I sighed and continued chopping vegetables for the sauté. "We're not perky people, are we Rose?"

She snorted. "More appropriately, we're not _happy, shiny people_."

"Wow… _Grey's Anatomy_? I had no idea."

She snickered. "Hey, even I want a McDreamy every now and again."

"Really? At this point I'd settle for a good ole McSteamy… or even a roll with G.I. Joe."

She burst out laughing and had to stop preparing the bul-gol-gi beef as she did. When she was done, tears were streaming down her cheeks and her breathing was labored. "He's trying, you know."

"I know." I sighed, glancing into the living room where Emmett was watching TV. "Hey Em? Is the grill ready?"

He jumped up. "No, but I'll get it ready now."

As we sat down to dinner, Alice immediately cleared her throat and asked, "Do you mind if we say Grace?"

I was stunned, but grabbed Jasper's and Emmett's hands and bowed my head.

Dad and Emmett lost their faith around the time my mother got sick. Since I was only two at the time, I'd never been raised with any sort of faith in the household. When I'd gotten older, I asked Emmett once what he believed and he'd told me he believed in the _Human Condition_. I had no idea what that meant. As I grew older, I just assumed it meant Hedonism, because Emmett was one of the most Hedonistic, Id-driven people I knew. I still didn't know what I believed in. I'd attended church with Bella's friend Angela once, but I was uncomfortable the entire time, so I didn't go back.

Jasper and Rose had both had religion shoved down their throats from an early age. I knew Amelia's marriage to David wasn't good and that she used the church as an escape and her faith as a scapegoat to excuse his behavior (though Jasper never told me what _behavior_ was being excused). Because of that, both of them refused outright to be involved in anything religious. Rosalie had gone so far as to ask the Jehovah's Witnesses who came knocking if they were virgins because she'd run out of sacrifices and didn't want to have to gut the cat. We didn't own a cat. I had a feeling it was because Rose might one day present said cat to some poor, unsuspecting parishioner as an example.

I watched carefully though as Rosalie took Alice's proffered hand and grasped Emmett's fingers as well, but her eyes bespoke mutiny.

"Dear Lord," Alice spoke loudly and clearly. "We thank you for this fine meal and good friends and young love. We ask that you bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies and keep us safe in this crazy, wonderful world. Thank you. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen."

We all mumbled a noncommittal "Amen" and dug in, passing serving dishes at lightning speed. Mealtimes for us were often a race to eat our food before Emmett started with the "Are you gonna eat that?"

"So, Alice, what are you majoring in?" Rosalie asked as she passed the vegetables to me.

"Dance." She smiled.

_Of fucking course._

_Shut up._

_Jealous._

_Shut up._

I choked on my bul-gol-gi and Jasper reached over and clapped me on the back roughly. I gave him a smile in thanks and returned my eyes to my food.

"But honestly, I think I'll probably go into a Theology program at some point. I went on a Mission trip to China two years ago and it was fascinating. Converting the Heathens is such noble work, don't you think?"

We all shifted uncomfortably.

Correction: We, _the Heathens_, shifted uncomfortably.

"So Rosalie, where do you live?"

Rosalie froze. "Uh… here."

Alice frowned. "Oh." She turned back to her food.

"Is there a problem?" Rose asked.

"Well… it's just highly inappropriate, don't you think?"

I glanced at Jasper and he seemed to be at a loss for words.

"Why would I think that?"

"Well… you're not _married_."

"And you're point is?"

I coughed. "Maybe we should… move on to another topic?"

"Agreed." Jasper and Emmett chorused.

Rosalie held up a hand. "No, not yet." We all slouched. "No, Alice, I don't think it's inappropriate that I share my house or my bed with the love of my life. Just because we're not married yet doesn't mean we won't be one day."

I cleared my throat again. "Jasper, don't you have some sort of Drill for the Reserves coming up soon?"

"Yes." He shot me a look of thanks. "Next month. Two whole weeks. I'm not looking forward to it." He thought again. "We'll have to schedule our trip to Lompoc around it."

"_Lompoc_?" Alice asked. "The prison?" we nodded. "Why on earth would you want to go there?"

The muscles in my back tensed immediately, but it was Jasper who answered for me. "Emmett and Sage's father is there."

"Oh." Her voice had raised an octave and she glared disapprovingly at her food. "It doesn't seem like a very—"

_Oh hell. Fucking. No._

_Bitch._

I threw down my fork before she could finish and all eyes turned to me. "I'm done, may I be excused? I need to call Alec to go over Chemistry." Emmett nodded and I picked up my plate. "The bul-gol-gi was great, Rose. Thanks." And I took my plate to the kitchen, dumped my half-eaten meal in the garbage, and fled to my room before Alice could make her thoughts on my father's incarceration known.

Once I'd locked both doors, I threw myself on my bed, buried my face in my pillow and screamed.

What the fuck had I been thinking when I pushed Jasper to Alice? In the spans of an hour she'd managed to make all of us uncomfortable and insult both Rose and my father… and me, by proxy.

_Wow._

_Brilliant._

_Fucking brilliant._

_There's gotta be a way to blame Emmett for this._

_Right._

_**Jasper POV**_

The next few months passed in a blur. I kept dating Alice, though I was quickly running out of ideas for dates and she kept asking me to attend church with her. At one point, she dragged me to her Bible study and I was forced to endure Sage's laughter when I told her about it later.

Sage had read the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, several times because of her literature classes, but there was something about the thought of people actually trying to study and interpret that was funny to her.

I knew she'd grown up without any spiritual guidance in the house, so to her, the Bible was simply a collection of stories and a literary tool. You couldn't bring up _Othello_ without her going off on some tailspin about a reference to Pontius Pilate and the symbolism behind it. She could go on for hours. And you certainly didn't want to hand her Toni Morrisson's _Song of Solomon_. That was a good week's worth of discussion.

We spent her birthday quietly. Emmett had wanted to take her out to dinner, but Sage insisted that January 20 was just another day. I'd wanted to take her out and buy her a new guitar, but she'd quietly demurred, saying she had to study and wanted to get to bed early. She'd said we'd do it another time, but the more I pressed, the harder she dug in her heels that I didn't need to spend more money on her quite so soon after Christmas.

In a way, I was thankful my Drill coincided with Valentine's Day. Alice was upset (that's an understatement), but it helped me put off the inevitable "Where is this going?" discussion. I didn't bring her around for dinner anymore because after that first incident, Rose made it quite clear that she didn't approve of Alice's judgmental ways. Emmett simply shrugged. Sage froze me out completely on the subject.

I could tell her feelings were still smarting about what Alice had nearly said about her father, and I could understand that, but Alice was usually nice and pleasant and I appreciated the fact that even though the invitations were always declined, she made an effort to include Rose, Emmett, and Sage in some of our plans.

At the end of February, Sage and I drove back down to Lompoc to see her father. She spent the visiting hour with him at the same table as before while I read. After the first visit, I was much more relaxed since I knew he was just plain happy to see her. Alice called several times while we were at the prison, but as no phones were allowed inside, we'd simply left our phones in the motel room.

To say that she was upset that Sage and I didn't feel a need for separate rooms is an understatement. She wondered aloud if there was something she should know, but of course there wasn't. We just didn't feel the need to waste the money when a single room with two queen-size beds did just fine. I didn't feel the need to tell her that before January's visit, we'd always slept on the same bed out of comfort and habit. Since I'd started dating Alice, Sage was pulling away from many of our old habits.

If I tried to sit her on my lap, she'd pull away so fast my head would spin in an attempt to keep up. She no longer snuggled into my side as we drove; she no longer allowed me to press innocent kisses into her hair or give her more than a one-armed hug; if my hand found its way to a section of her belt for any reason, she immediately pried my fingers loose; I wasn't allowed to rub her neck or run my fingers through her hair; she no longer came into my room, bidden or otherwise; her bathroom door was always locked, and for the most part, so was her bedroom door. I was losing a lot of what I'd felt made my relationship with Sage so unique. Utter comfort. As long as we were both comfortable, it didn't matter what others thought about our interactions. But now Sage wasn't comfortable and I was mourning the loss.

So when Sage asked if we could go up to Napa to see Peter, Char, and Diablo, of course I agreed. I admit though that I was disappointed when she told me to bring Alice. I did so, grudgingly. Napa was our bubble, our escape from Emmett-induced drama and the bullshit of the world. I'd never intended to share it with anyone else.

We decided to drive up Friday afternoon, since we each only had a morning class. The ride up was uneventful. Alice bounced excitedly in her seat while Sage napped in the back of the truck cab. Once we arrived, Sage immediately bee-lined for the house with her bag and changed into her jeans and Ropers before heading off to the barn.

I led Alice inside to get settled and I was only partially disappointed when she deferred to her beliefs before going into the room Sage had claimed and setting her stuff down.

_This'll get interesting fast_.

We made small talk and hung out with Peter and Charlotte while Char prepared lunch for everyone. I watched out the kitchen window as Sage put Diablo through his paces in the large riding ring.

"Someone wanna call Sage in for lunch?" Charlotte's voice pulled me out of my musings.

"Sure." I answered and headed for the door. When I reached the fence, I saw Sage catch a glimpse of me, but she ignored me completely and kicked Diablo into a gallop. "Lunch!" I called as she whizzed by.

She slowed Diablo down and turned him before trotting back. "I'm not hungry. Go ahead and eat without me."

I frowned. "You sure? She's got quite the spread going in there. Sandwiches, soup… there's even a cheese ball. You love cheese." I grinned but she was still frowning at me.

"I said I'm not hungry."

I climbed up on the fence as Diablo shifted restlessly under her. I reached out and grabbed the bridle, leading Diablo closer. "Sage, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm perfect." Her voice was hard. I'd never seen her look more miserable than in that moment.

"OK…" I thought a moment and decided to try another route. "You wanna go for a ride later?"

"You should take Alice. A trail ride would be really romantic."

"Sage, I asked you if _you_ wanted to go for a ride later."

She ignored me. "You should get back inside." Her eyes fell and her voice was the smallest I'd ever heard it.

"Sage—"

"I'm fine, Jazz!" she snapped and dug her left heel into Diablo's flank, forcing him to sidestep out of my grasp. She turned him quickly, looked over her shoulder once more and parted with, "Nice hair cut, by the way. Very Banana Republic." And she kicked him back into a gallop.

_What._

_The._

_Fuck?_

What the hell did my haircut have to do with anything? The words had been dripping with sarcasm, so I knew she'd been insulting me. What did my hair have to do with anything? Alice had expressed that I should cut it, so I had. It wasn't the old crew cut I'd sported for the three previous years, but it was short again.

I went back inside feeling utterly bewildered. At Char's questioning glance, I said, "Sage isn't hungry. I'm sure she'll grab something if she gets peckish." Charlotte nodded mutely and we all sat down, said Grace, and dug in.

As the day turned into evening, Sage finally strode in after bathing, sweat-scraping, and grooming Diablo and putting him up for the night. She strode into her room and emerged a moment later.

"Uh… Did I miss something? Sleeping arrangements?"

"I hope you don't mind." Alice giggled. "It's just… Well, it's not appropriate for Jasper and I to stay in the same room. Don't worry, it'll be like a little slumber party."

Sage nodded mutely, but I could tell from the look in her eye it was anything but a fun idea to her. She showered quickly and didn't emerge from the room after.

When Char called us all to dinner, I went to get her, knowing of all of us, she'd be least likely to attack me. "Sage?" I rapped my knuckles against the door before pushing it open. She was in bed, burrowed deep under the covers. "Sage? You hungry, Sweetheart? Dinner's ready."

"I'm not hungry. Eat without me." She murmured sleepily.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and pushed some hair out of her eyes. "Sage, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired. Didn't realize I was running myself thin while working Diablo." She mumbled, her eyes still closed.

"I don't believe that for a second." I growled lowly and her sea foam eyes found mine.

"I'm not hungry. I'm tired. I want to sleep." She insisted.

"You haven't eaten since breakfast."

"So? Most days I skip breakfast and lunch."

That wasn't true. Sage wasn't Sage without a bowl of Teddy Grahams and a cup of coffee.

"Sage—"

"Jasper, please just go away."

My eyes widened. Never. Never. _Never_ had she asked me to go away.

_This_ was not _my_ Sage.

"Do I need to call Emmett?" she raised an eyebrow at me. "Or…" I really hated to pull the Ace up my sleeve. "Do I need to call Carmen?"

Her eyes narrowed. "I'm not depressed. I'm tired. I've had a long day preceded by several very long, very arduous, very shitty weeks. I'm not hungry because my stomach's upset. I've been out in the sun, on a horse, for the better part of the day, and I. Am. Tired." And then she gave me the verbal bitch slap to end all bitch slaps. "Just go away and leave me alone."

I couldn't help but do as she asked.

I went to bed that night with a feeling like I had a hole in my chest. Sage _never_ spoke to me that way. I had half a mind to go kick her ass out of bed and demand an explanation, but I kept myself in check and settled for going out to scrounge out a midnight snack.

Upon getting to the living room, I immediately noticed a lump on the couch that was topped with a shock of blond and lavender hair. I forgot my snack immediately and sat down on the couch, instantly jarring her awake. She glared at me.

"Sage, what are you doing on the couch?"

"Your girlfriend's a kicker." She answered tonelessly.

"I'm sorry. You could've told me. You can have my room and I'll take the couch."

"I'm fine." She rolled over and hunkered down further under the quilt she'd pilfered from the linen closet.

I sighed. "Sage, please talk to me."

"I'm tired Jasper. Go away."

I felt the heat rise in my chest and face and before I could stop myself, I'd ground out, "If you fuckin' say that to me one more time I will toss your ass in the truck and dump you in Emmett's lap for him to sort you out." She ignored me and I softened, trying my best to get my temper under control. "I'm just worried."

"I know."

"So talk to me."

"No."

"Why not?"

She huffed and rolled over to look at me. "Jasper, you are _with_ Alice now."

"Yeah. So?"

"So you should be caring for her, not worrying about my PMS."

I thought about that one for a moment. "You don't get PMS." Her eyes narrowed as she followed my train of thought. "Because you're on the shot."

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't."

"Jasper, just stop, OK?"

"Stop what? Jesus, Sage! I don't know what I've done to piss you off but you need to fuckin' talk to me! I can't fix it if I don't know it's broke!" she rolled her eyes and I made to pull her up and into my lap, but she resisted. "Please, Sweetheart?"

"No." she huffed again. "I can't always count on you. I have to fix my problems myself now."

I blanched. "Who told you that?"

"No one. That's the way shit is. Get used to it. I have."

"Right, because you're doing a fuckin' Oscar-worthy job of pretending you're OK." And then a thought struck me. "Is this because of Alice? Is there something you're not telling me?"

She rolled her eyes again. "No. I just can't always rely on you anymore. You have different priorities." And with that, she turned her back on me, effectively dismissing me.

When I woke up the next morning, Alice was in the shower and Charlotte was packing a picnic basket. At my questioning gaze, she answered, "They're in the barn. Pete thinks maybe she'll tell him what's up."

"She wouldn't tell you?"

She shrugged. "I'm a woman. I know when it's time to push and when it's time to back off and let her work through it." She smirked. "_Men_ just always want to fix things… sometimes we don't need you to fix things." I nodded, understanding finally that Sage didn't want me to fix her issue. "We figured we'd go swimming today. Have a nice picnic." I nodded again.

Moments later, Peter and Sage stepped into the house. They were laughing and carrying on and I was immediately jealous. She'd confided in Peter, but not in me.

As though reading my thoughts, Peter pushed her in the direction of the hall and said, "Go get your suit on. We'll be leaving soon." And as soon as she was gone, he turned to me and said, "I'm still as clueless as you. I just talked to her. Don't know if I said anything helpful, but it made her feel better."

I nodded curtly and forced a smile onto my face as Alice came out dressed in a navy blue one-piece bathing suit and a pair of black cotton shorts.

"Sleep well?" I asked.

"Always." She answered brightly.

Once Sage and Char were ready, we piled into Peter's truck and drove down to the lake. Sage and Char sat in the bed with a bicycle pump and several inflatable inner tubes and rafts, tossing each out at Peter once they were filled, while Alice and I spread out the blanket and towels.

I noticed immediately that Alice was uncomfortable when Sage and Charlotte stripped down to their bathing suits and wondered idly (and possibly a little maliciously) if she'd comment about the wholly inappropriate nature of bikinis, but instead, her eyes seemed to zero in on Sage's left hip and her lips pulled themselves into a thin line.

"Anyone wanna Chicken Fight?" Peter asked.

"Sure." Char kissed his cheek.

"I'm in." I drawled.

"No thanks." Sage sighed. She picked up a large green raft and took a running jump off the dock, landing on it and skidding across the lake.

"Alice?" I asked.

"Uh… sure." She didn't sound very sure, but slid slowly into the water after us and climbed on my shoulders. She started snickering and said, "Jazzy, it's kinda hard to not slip with your shirt…"

I blushed. "Sorry. Don't worry, I've got a good hold on you."

Peter cocked an eyebrow at me and I immediately shot him a _Shut the Fuck Up!_ look.

I glanced once across the lake to watch as Sage paddled herself languidly through the water, resting on her stomach, her eyes obscured behind dark aviator glasses. When I turned back, Charlotte was situated and Peter counted us down to _Go_.

Before we even had a chance to get into it though, Char yelled, "Jasper!" and I looked up and straight into the two small planets occupying Char's chest… and I promptly dropped Alice. Peter and Char burst into hysterical laughter and I swear I heard Sage chuckle, but when I looked over at her, her face was turned away from me and her breathing was even.

I fished Alice out of the drink with a heartfelt apology and we settled for actually swimming, seeing as Char had obviously taken a leaf out of Sage's book.

A cell phone was going off on the dock and we each looked at each other. It was a generic ringer and Char climbed up to peer at the phone. "Sage! Your phone!" she yelled.

"Who is it?" Sage yelled back.

Charlotte's eyes narrowed. "It says _Michael Donovan_."

There was a squeak and a splash and then Sage was swimming as fast as she could toward the dock. The phone stopped ringing, but she simply hit the _Call Back_, her face red with embarrassment as she bounced up and down and Peter imitated her.

"Ten to one, he ain't callin' about homework." He muttered to me.

"Hey, Mike." She smiled and bit her lip.

_Uh-oh._

_Crush._

_This is a crush-guy._

_And it's worse than Alec._

_She never bit her lip over Alec._

"Actually, I'm up in Napa for the weekend. Maybe Friday?" she was asking. Her smile widened with whatever he said. "Great. Can't wait. I'll see you Tuesday and we'll finalize then." She hung up and sat down on the edge of the dock with her feet in the water.

Thankfully, Peter asked the question I knew I wouldn't be able to ask without sounding jealous. "So who's Michael Donovan?"

She blushed again. "He's the editor of the college paper… he saw one of my articles for my Photo Journalism class and wanted to publish it."

We all quirked eyebrows. "That didn't sound like he was askin' permission to publish anything."

"Well, Petey," Sage began with the tone you take with someone who's slow. "That would be because _that_," she pointed to her phone. "Was him asking me out on a date."

"How come you've never mentioned him?" I couldn't stop it… it just came out!

She shrugged. "Because I didn't think it was anything."

Charlotte smiled knowingly. "Is he cute?"

"Very."

"How old?"

"Twenty-one."

"Where's he live?"

"In an apartment off Oak."

"Does he have roommates?"

"No."

"Piercings?"

"Ew! No."

Charlotte thought for a moment. "He's tattooed, isn't he?" it was accusatory and Sage simply squeaked and nodded. "I knew it! I _knew_ you had a thing for tattoos! Where is it?"

"His entire upper body."

"_What_?" I cried.

Sage rolled her eyes. "He's got a full set of sleeves, his chest, and his back."

"Sounds sexy." Char replied.

"Sounds painful." I groaned.

"Sounds expensive." Peter chimed in.

"Ew." Alice murmured.

Sage simply laughed. "Well, you haven't seen him with his shirt off." She fanned herself with her hand and Charlotte giggled.

"And when have you?" I asked accusingly. I didn't miss that Alice was giving me a hard look, but I ignored it.

Sage shrugged. "We were comparing tattoos." She rushed on when she saw the look on my face. "Don't worry, I was wearing a bra when I took my shirt off… _Kidding_! I only pulled my shirt up so he could see."

"This isn't that guy Bella was friends with, is it?" I asked, suddenly suspicious.

She snorted. "Hell no. That's Mike _Newton_… and he'd faint at the sight of a needle."

"I guess I'm alone in the thinking that our bodies are meant to be cared for, not defiled."

Alice.

_Well… I'm dating her…_

We stared at her and she stared back.

"Everyone here but you has a tat, Sugar." Charlotte replied mildly, though I could tell she was insulted.

And she was right. I had my tallies. Sage had her Sanskrit and ribbon. Peter had an American Eagle tattooed across his back, it's wings spanning over his shoulders and continuing down the backs of his arms and Charlotte's name over his heart. Charlotte had a pink and purple butterfly tramp-stamped right above her ass and Peter's initials at the top of her right thigh. All in all, we were an eclectic bunch of Ink-Heads.

As much as I tried to hide it though, I was self-conscious. Alice didn't like tattoos.

I brushed it off though and smiled at Sage. "Well it's good you've made a new friend, Sweetheart." Alice swam away from me instantly. I mouthed a _What?_ to her, but she simply shook her head.

_**End Note: Leave me a review and I'll send you a teaser **___


	18. Kiss Me

_**A/N: Still no ownage.**_

_**As always, this story is rated M for adult content, themes, strong language, and future lemons.**_

_**RemyKilday is my pre-reader. I love her.**_

_**HammerHips is my Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

_*****Remember: Yes, it's Jasper/Sage. Just hang on tight.**_

Chapter 17: Kiss Me

_Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight  
Lead me out on the moonlit floor  
Lift your open hand  
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance  
Silver moon's sparkling  
So kiss me_

-"Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer

_**Jasper POV**_

Alice and I had our first fight that night. It was brutal. And I, typically, was clueless. I had no idea why she was angry, no idea what I'd done that was so horrible, until I asked her about it and she rounded on me.

"Why are you pissed, Alice?"

"_Sweetheart_?" she snarled. "Why is it that you call Sage _Sweetheart_ and _Darlin'_ but all I get is _Alice_?"

_Whiskey Tango Foxtrot much?_

I shrugged. "I've known her longer… It took awhile to fall into that habit."

"Bull!" she cried. "You don't even realize you do it, but you … you…" she threw her hands in the air in exasperation at her loss for words. "You purr it at her. Your voice always goes soft when you say one of your pet names for her."

My anger was quickly on the rise. I knew, logically, that Alice had every right to be jealous and upset, but at the same time, Sage was my best friend, and I had every right to have a separate relationship with her.

"Sage and I are friends." I insisted.

_Bad._

_Fucking._

_Move._

She scoffed. "Funny… I didn't say you were anything but. But it's funny how that's exactly where your mind went."

"Christ, Alice!"

"Language!" she shrieked.

I threw my hands up in the air. "Is there any way to make this better? Or are you just pissed to be pissed?" she squared her jaw and crossed her arms over her chest, but didn't say anything. "Alright then." I sighed and stormed out to the barn.

When I got there, I grabbed the stool Sage always sat on and slammed it against the wall, shattering it. The horses neighed and whined in protest at the disruption as splintered wood showered down around me.

"Jazz?"

I raked my hand through my hair and turned to find Sage peeking out at me from the tack room. Char had redone her hair when we'd come back from swimming. They'd taken it up to her shoulders, trimmed the bangs, stripped the lavender out, and replaced it with hot pink. This time though, Char had also colored the bottom layer of bangs, so if Sage pulled the hair back off her face, there would be a shock of color to show for it. She was peering at me from under her asymmetrical bangs, her brow furrowed.

"Jazz, what are you doing?"

I shook my head. "I don't have a fuckin' idea." I grumbled and made my way over to the tack room. She was waxing Diablo's saddle.

"What's with the shouting up at the house? What are Char and Peter fighting about?"

I gave a dark laugh. "That wasn't Peter and Char."

"Oh."

I sighed. "Can I ask you a question and get an honest answer?"

"You know you can."

I raised an eyebrow at her, but her back was to me. "What do you think of Alice?"

"You mean aside from the fact that she's defiled my nickname for you?" I raised an eyebrow in question. "_Jazzy_?"

"Be serious, Sage. Tell me the truth."

She froze. "Did you ask Peter and Charlotte?"

"Yes."

"What'd they say?"

I sighed again. "They don't like her. They think she's judgmental… rude…" I leaned my head back against the wall. "Sometimes… she's really nice… and then other times… I don't even know where to start." She kept waxing the saddle and refused to look at me. I reached out and grabbed her hips, pulling her to me. She tried to squirm out of my grasp but I held her to me. "So… you're turn. What do you think?"

Sage took a deep breath and answered in a slow, measured tone. "I think… that you shouldn't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer." And then she pulled out of my grip, put the saddle on the rack, and left.

Alice and I called a truce before we went to bed that night and we were all quiet on the ride home the next day. When we dropped Alice off at her apartment, she gave me a quick peck on the lips and a promise to call me later. After she disappeared inside, Sage climbed up to the front seat and buckled herself in. We didn't speak at all on the drive home.

When Tuesday rolled around, I assumed Sage would simply call Michael to make plans. Unfortunately, luck was not on my side and I got to meet the fucker when I was ill-prepared for intimidation. Not that he would've scared easily.

He had olive skin and striking bright blue eyes. He was wearing jeans and a black button-down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showcasing the tattoo Sage admired so much, navy blue ink decorating the skin in a Gothic painting. His head was shaved, but the very short growth told me his hair was jet black. He was at least six feet tall, muscular but lean, not bulky like Peter.

He was waiting for us as we came out of the parking garage. Sage had time to kill before her first class and was headed for the library. We hadn't even noticed him until he called out to her.

"Hey, Beautiful!"

"Michael!" she immediately ran to him, hugging him in greeting as he handed her a cup of coffee.

"Black, no sugar, with a shot of vanilla syrup." He smiled down at her.

"My hero." She sighed. I cleared my throat at that and she knew I was offended by that endearment. "Michael, this is my friend, Jasper… Jazz, this is Michael."

Michael held out his hand to me and smiled. "Nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

_What?_

_How long has Sage been talking to this guy?_

I shook his hand, giving him a tight smile. "Wish I could say the same." His smile faltered and Sage shot me a warning look. "Sage is a bit private on some things. She likes to get a feel for them, analyze them to death, and then she'll talk about them." She glared at me.

"Ah, so I haven't been analyzed to death." He concluded.

"Not yet. Soon." I answered.

"Michael," Sage interrupted, shooting me another warning look. "You mentioned going out Friday?"

"Right. Mars will be in visible this week. I thought we might take my telescope out to the desert and have a look."

My eyes narrowed. No desert. Not for a first date. "Sage, you wanted to go to Lompoc this weekend." I countered.

The glare was back full force and those normally sea foam orbs were almost black in anger. "We can go next weekend. I'm sure _Alice_ will enjoy having you to herself this weekend."

_Low._

_Fucking._

_Blow._

_I think my nuts just receded into my abdomen._

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I gave her the same tight smile I'd given Michael. "Well then, I guess we'll go next weekend."

"OK."

I smirked and shook my head. "I'll see you after class."

"OK." She turned back to Michael and I headed off for my Political Theory class.

I managed to pull Emmett aside to warn him about Michael that evening. True, he didn't seem like a bad guy. He had Sage's coffee order down pat, didn't seem to care that her father was in prison, and looked at her like she hung the moon… even with her funny rainbow hair.

Still, I felt Emmett should know what she was getting herself into; that he probably wouldn't approve of Michael; that he was obviously more experienced and that I hadn't gotten a good enough read on him to determine if he was a threat.

But, unluckily for me, Emmett was heeding my advice and doing his level best to stay calm and collected about the situation.

"She's a smart girl. I just have to trust her to make good decisions." He'd said.

I'd never wanted to hit him more than in that moment.

By Friday, I wanted to rip Michael's arms off and beat him with them. Tuesday was only the beginning. He met Sage with coffee each morning, effectively taking my place in walking her to class. Instead of hanging out in the library to wait for me after her classes, I was forced to go looking for the Editor's office. They were huddled close, peering at his computer, laughing at some article that he was debating whether or not to print.

Every. Fucking. Day.

Tuesday.

Wednesday.

Thursday.

Friday.

And Emmett was no help.

When Michael arrived Friday evening, Emmett opened the door and greeted him. _Nicely_. He even spoke to him for several minutes.

"So where are you guys headed?"

"Into the San Joaquin Valley." He answered easily. "There's some great space out there with no city lights so we'll have a great view of the sky with my telescope."

Emmett nodded. "Nice. Alright… Is there cell signal out there?"

"Not really, but I've got a CV radio and a signal booster."

I was glaring at them from the couch. He was standing there so casually in his jeans and brown hiking boots and short-sleeve black T-shirt. Emmett definitely wasn't a fan of the tat, but he wasn't letting it deter his efforts.

_Bastard_.

He was going to stand there and let this guy take Sage out.

"Emmett, please tell me you haven't been giving Michael the third degree." Sage appeared at the top of the stairs in a pair of boot-cut jeans and a black wife-beater. She was wearing a pair of black Doc Marten combat boots and I had to smirk at that. She'd bought those boots because I told her I liked them on her.

"Emmett's been very kind." Michael answered, smiling. "You look great."

"Thanks." Sage blushed. "You do too."

Emmett sighed. "Alright, you have your cell?"

"Yes."

"And the emergency numbers?"

"Yes."

I couldn't help myself. "Pepper spray and brass knuckles?" I called from the couch. I knew she had them. I'd given them to her and forced her to put them in her bag.

She held up a hand and sighed, "One minute." Before half-stomping over to me. She leaned down to my ear and whispered, "I don't know what your damage is this week, Jazz, but I swear to God you won't sleep for a month if you keep this up. He's a nice guy. Be happy for me." And then she stood and smiled. "Yes, but I don't think I'll be needing them."

Sage turned on her heel and walked back over to Emmett and Michael. As they made to leave, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and tucked her into his side, placing a kiss on the top of her head. I almost chucked my Political Science text at his head.

Once they were out and the door was closed behind them, Emmett turned to me, his eyebrow raised. "Is there something I need to know?" he asked.

"What are you talking about?" I tried to sound nonchalant, but I knew I sounded petulant.

"You don't seem to like him very much."

I shrugged. "You know me. No one's good enough for Sage."

He nodded but he was giving me a hard look. "Yeah… that's what I thought when you came home Tuesday and started bitching. Now I just think you and I have switched places. Be supportive, Jasper. Or you'll end up in my shoes, trying to earn her respect back."

Deep down, I knew he was right… and that just pissed me off.

I immediately stormed off to my room and slammed the door. I spent the better part of two hours wondering what they were doing, what they were talking about, if he was touching her, if she was letting him.

I grabbed my Political Science book and threw it against the wall before flopping down on my bed and pulling my pillow over my face. I'm not sure how long I stayed that way, but the vibration of my phone in my pocket brought me some hope and I tossed the pillow aside before pulling my phone out, hoping the Caller ID would say _Sage_.

_Alice_.

I let it go to voicemail, kicked off my boots, and got ready for bed.

_**Sage POV**_

"I can't believe you've never been to the desert." Michael teased as we pulled off the highway.

I shrugged. "Never really had a reason to. Besides, I have a fear of snakes and scorpions… and Jasper sent me a picture of those six-eyed sand spiders from Iraq and that kinda freaks me out."

He chuckled and put his blue Ford Mustang into _Park_, gently taking my hand and stroking my palm with his thumb. "I promise I won't let anything get you."

We climbed out of the car and went around to the trunk. Michael began pulling large metal cases out and setting them gingerly on the ground. When he was done with those, he pulled out a cooler and closed the trunk. He patted it and said, "Hop on up. Kick back." I did as he said and he reached into the cooler and retrieved a bottle of water for me. He peered out at the encroaching darkness and smiled, then looked up. "See that speck right there?" he pointed, stepping back to lean against the car so I could follow his finger. I nodded. "That's Mars. And we're about to get a better look."

"Awesome." I could feel myself blushing. "Am I a total loser if I say that I've never actually _used_ a telescope before?"

He laughed. "No… No, you're definitely not a loser. But seriously? Never?" I shook my head. "Well… I'm glad I get to be the one who sees your face when you take your first look." He bent down and began opening the metal boxes, pulling out first a tripod and then the body of the telescope. He screwed in a lens and looked, shook his head, and replaced it with another. He began adjusting it. "So… Jasper seems very protective of you."

I snorted. "Yeah… Sorry about that. I think he switched brains with my brother."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning the treatment you got from him normally comes from Emmett… and what you saw of Emmett… that usually comes from Jasper."

"I'm sure he's just worried. He doesn't know me, so I'm sure it's just a knee-jerk reaction." I nodded, even though his back was to me. He backed up and leaned against the car again. "So… tell me something that no one outside of Jasper and your brother knows."

I inhaled sharply.

_Shit_.

"Um… My… dad's in prison."

He nodded and smiled at me. "In Lompoc. Nice try." I cringed. "You told me that one a few weeks ago."

"Shit." I groaned. "That's really my only secret."

"So don't tell me a secret." He shrugged. "Just tell me something no one else knows."

"Give me a minute." I had to think hard for several moments, but Michael waited patiently. Finally, I sighed and hung my head. "OK… if I tell you this, you have to _swear_ you will not laugh."

He smirked. "I swear."

I took a deep breath. "This… is kind of my first date."

"Kind of?" he was teasing me.

"OK, this _is_ my first date." I amended. "You swore not to laugh." I warned as his smile got wider.

"I'm not laughing." He grinned. "I'm actually kinda flattered." I cocked an eyebrow at him. "It's kinda cool that I get to be two firsts in one evening… but I do have a question." I felt my cheeks go red. "How did a girl like you make it through high school and a semester and a half of college without a date?"

I groaned. "Believe it or not, my brother has done an _amazing_ job of cock-blocking prior to tonight."

At that, he laughed. "I can't say I blame him. If you were my sister, I'm sure I'd do the same."

I rolled my eyes. "OK, your turn…" he cringed. "Tell me something you want to do within the next… six months."

"Mmmm… that's too much time." He hedged and I quirked an eyebrow as he grinned at me. "But," he smiled. "I'll tell you something I want to do within the next… ten seconds."

My breath caught.

_No fucking way._

"What's that?"

He leaned closer. "I _really_ want to kiss you." he whispered and then his lips were on mine.

It was well after three in the morning when I finally crept back into the house. I set my bag down quietly and silently crept downstairs only to be startled senseless by Jasper sitting on our new couch waiting for me.

"Good time?" he asked.

"Amazing." I answered. "What are you doing up?"

He shrugged. "I was worried."

"When are you not these days?" I grumbled.

"Sage, what the hell?" I paused halfway to my room. "What the hell is wrong? What did I do?"

To say that I was shocked was the understatement of the century. "What did you do?" I asked, rounding on him. "Let's start with tonight? What the hell was that about? Were you _trying_ to embarrass me or did your brain just fail to engage? And this entire _week_? Michael's been nothing but nice to you and you've pretty much been an ass… and I'm the bitch who's stood there and excused your behavior! Why am I the only person in this house who _has_ to be alone? Why can't I ever have anyone?"

He blinked several times and I could tell my words stung. "You're not _alone_. You have _me_." He growled.

"And is that it? Is that all I'm allowed? A best friend with a girlfriend? Why can't I have someone who's just mine?" he didn't answer me. "I had a really good time tonight, Jazz and I really like him. If you can't at least be happy for me, then I expect you to keep your mouth shut." I turned on my heel and locked myself in my room.

No sooner had I turned around, than my phone buzzed. I pulled it out of my bag and smiled.

_**I'm home. Hope you're not already asleep.**_

I smirked and typed out my response.

_**No, not yet. Just got done talking to Jazz. **_

A moment later, my phone buzzed again.

_**Should I be worried?**_

I laughed to myself.

_**No. I was just telling him what a good time I had.**_

I tossed my phone on my bed and quickly changed into some grey flannel pants and a black sports bra. My phone buzzed again.

_**Nothing about my mad kissing skills?**_

I smirked.

_**Did you seriously just say that?**_

_**Are you avoiding the question?**_

_**Are you avoiding mine?**_

_**That's a no, huh?**_

I laughed.

_**I skimmed over the finer points.**_

_Oh._

I frowned. Was I supposed to be blabbering about it?

_**I want to kiss you again. ;)**_

I felt the blush creep up into my cheeks.

_**You did kiss me goodnight, you know.**_

_**And your point is?**_

I didn't have an answer for that, but it didn't matter because he was already texting again.

_**Am I going to get attacked on Monday if I kiss you when I see you?**_

I had to think about that one for a minute. If Jasper kept the attitude, it was quite possible.

_**No, but you might get attacked if you don't.**_

_**I fully support that policy.**_

I giggled at that.

_**Can I call you sometime in the afternoon? Once we've both woken up?**_

I smiled.

_**I'd like that.**_

_**Then I'll talk to you in a few hours. Sweet sleep, Beautiful.**_

I smiled again.

_**Good night, Michael.**_

I didn't sleep well that night, but it didn't deter me from Michael because lately I hadn't been sleeping well at all. Not since our first trip to Napa. I was having nightmares a lot more frequently than I was used to, and though I wanted to talk to someone about them, I was embarrassed beyond belief by them, and so I kept my mouth shut.

Just as I had many times since Napa, I woke up with my face buried in my pillow, groaning and moaning. I'd somehow gained the superpower to jam my pillow into my mouth to muffle the sounds without being cognizant of the fact that I was doing it. I was thankful. It kept my bedroom and bathroom doors on their hinges.

_Because we don't need a repeat of that one time I snuck away… Jasper almost refused to fix the door._

When I awoke, Jasper was still sitting on the couch… waiting.

I simply rolled my eyes and made to pass right by, but he was faster than me, even in his exhausted state, and his arm flew out and snagged me by the hips, dragging me down to sit with him.

"I'm sorry." He muttered. "I'm hurt that you never mentioned him."

"Jas, I didn't realize there was anything to mention. It's not like I knew he liked me."

"Yeah, but you didn't even mention that _you_ liked _him_."

I shrugged. "Honestly? I thought he was a nice guy who paid me some attention and he's really cute. It didn't go very far beyond that until he called me on Saturday." He nodded, but his eyes were far away. "What, Jas?"

"What aren't you telling me?"

"About what?"

"I don't know, you tell me." He raised an eyebrow at me. "Something's not right with us… your attitude while we were in Napa… it really hurt, Sweetie. What the hell?"

I felt my cheeks burning with embarrassment. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing, so don't fucking lie to me!" he snapped.

I pulled myself up and out of his grasp. "Jas, I don't have to tell you _everything_." I could tell that hurt his feelings even more. "Maybe I just want to keep some semblance of _something_ to myself… instead of having someone always chipping in their two cents."

He nodded. "Well alright then. You go right the hell ahead." And he stood and stalked off toward his room.

"Jas," I called, feeling horrible for hurting him. He paused, but didn't turn, his chin cocked to his shoulder to tell me that he was listening. "I'm sorry… I know it's not what you want to hear… but I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings."

He nodded. "Well… there's a simple solution to that, Sage. _Stop_."

Michael did call later in the day and we spent several hours on the phone talking. Sunday we went to the movies.

Jasper wasn't speaking to me. When Michael was waiting for me with coffee Monday morning, Jasper simply brushed right past us without so much as a word. When he showed up in Michael's office later to collect me, he simply stood there, waiting

This new routine continued until Wednesday.

"We could go get some dinner tonight." Michael sighed lazily, shifting me on his lap as I skimmed an article about construction on the new Student Union. I cringed a little. "Or not." He replied flatly.

I turned to look at him, draping my arms around his neck. "It's not that I don't want to..." I murmured, kissing his cheek.

"But…" he pressed.

I sighed. "But I think I should probably spend a day or two with Jasper… garner some good will… make nice… Or I may find myself walking to Lompoc on Friday."

He groaned. "So basically you're telling me the earliest I'll see you is Sunday."

"Mike, don't be like that." I murmured quietly, stroking the back of his neck.

He shook his head. "I'm… not being like anything. I just know there's this part of you that you hold back… a part that's only for Jasper." He gave me a sad smile. "You can't blame a guy for being jealous of the _other man_… even if the _other man_ is just a friend." Something of my facial expression made him feel bad because he kissed me quickly. "I know there's nothing going on… I just… I don't know… I kinda wish I was the one taking you to Lompoc."

I smiled. "That's sweet… but that's a whole other ball of wax for me."

"I know." He kissed me again, tenderly, slowly, until a throat clearing behind me made me pull away and look.

I blushed immediately. "Hey, Jazz." He nodded his greeting and I turned back to Michael. "I'll call you tonight." I promised, kissing him quickly.

His arms tightened around my hips as he pressed another, more passionate kiss to my lips. "And tomorrow…" he pressed and I smiled. "And Friday… and Saturday…"

"And Sunday, you'll come running." I murmured against his mouth. He nodded. "OK." I gave him another quick peck and climbed off his lap. Jasper had my bag already so I simply waved to Michael and followed him out.

We walked in silence for several long minutes. It was uncomfortable and disconcerting. Jasper and I had never gone so long without speaking. I decided to break the ice.

"Jas?" he didn't respond, but he did slow his pace as an indication of his attention. "I… thought maybe we could watch a movie tonight? Just you and me?"

He rolled his eyes and sped his pace again. "Don't worry, Sage, I'm still taking you to Lompoc."

That stung. I sped up, having to jog to keep up with his long strides. "Jazz, we haven't hung out… just us… in a while."

_Since he started dating Alice_.

"I just thought… maybe we could use some time for just us… sort things out… get back some _normal_."

He stopped and stared at me for several moments, appraising me. Finally, he sighed and nodded. "I'd like that."

I smiled. "Good."

_**End Note: Please let me know what you think! I'll send you a teaser for the next chapter!**_


	19. Fighter

_**A/N: Still don't own it. Damn. That's depressing.**_

_**This story is rated M for strong language, adult content, and future lemons.**_

_**Thank you ever so much to RemyKilday for being the best damn pre-reader a gal could ask for.**_

_**Thanks always to HammerHips for being the best damn Schwoogie-Muffin a Red Hot Mama could bang in a handicapped stall.**_

Chapter 18: Fighter

_'Cause it  
Makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
Makes me that much wiser  
So thanks for making me a fighter  
Made me learn a little bit faster  
Made my skin a little bit thicker  
Makes me that much smarter  
So thanks for making me a fighter_

-"Fighter" by Christina Aguilera

_**Sage POV**_

Jasper and I hunkered down and watched _Nosferatu _that night. I'd almost stayed in his bed with him once I'd fallen asleep, but guilt over Michael's insecurity forced my eyes open and my limbs to move. Jasper had been spooning me, a death grip around my waist, and I was forced to wake him up in order to get free. He'd let loose with several groggy, disappointed protests, but I'd shushed him and gone to my own bed.

Michael had texted me hours before to say goodnight. I cringed and sent a message, hoping I wouldn't wake him up.

_**Good night. Sweet sleep.**_

I hadn't honestly expected a reply, so I was surprised when my phone buzzed a moment later.

_**I was worried you were mad at me.**_

I sighed.

_**No. I was watching a movie with Jasper and fell asleep.**_

There was a long break before his reply came.

_**Oh.**_

That was it? Oh?

And then…

_**I'm trying very hard to not be jealous. Please tell me I don't have a reason to be.**_

That gave me pause. Did he? Should he? Was there reason to be?

_**You don't.**_

In my head, the words were true, but as I hit _Send_, a hollow feeling took up residence in my chest.

_**OK then.**_

I sighed.

_**I do want to see you tomorrow. After class? I don't want to leave for Lompoc with you upset.**_

Those words were true. I hadn't ever meant to upset him. Michael had been nothing but good to me and I wanted to reassure him.

_**I'd like that.**_

And then…

_**I'll see you tomorrow, Beautiful. Sweet sleep.**_

_Good night, Mike._

Michael met me with coffee the next morning and the next afternoon, we made out in his office, not even bothering with the pretense of him trying to work, until Jasper showed up to collect me. He met me with coffee again Friday morning and then he surprised me by waiting by Jasper's truck for us after our classes so that he could say goodbye.

"How about… we go out Sunday night? A picnic, maybe? Something simple." He whispered against my lips before kissing me softly.

"Mmmm…" I hummed my agreement. "Sounds like a good idea."

"Good." He kissed my jaw, my cheek, and then my lips again before straightening up and smiling at me. "Call me when you get there so I know you're OK." I nodded. "I'll see you Sunday, Beautiful."

I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down to meet my lips again. "Don't work too hard."

"Never." He kissed me once more and rolled his eyes as Jasper cleared his throat. Apparently he thought we'd forgotten he was there. He opened the passenger door for me and helped me in, leaning in to kiss my forehead. "Take care of my girl, Jasper."

Jasper gave a curt nod and mumbled something that sounded like _"She's not your fuckin' girl"_, but I couldn't be sure, so I ignored him and smiled at Michael.

"Bye."

"Bye." He kissed my forehead again and closed the door, knocking twice on the roof of the truck before backing away and allowing us to pull out.

We drove for at least an hour before Jasper finally sighed and said, "He doesn't seem to have a problem with PDA."

I felt my brow furrow. "Is there a problem with that?"

He snorted. "No. I'm all for it… when it doesn't seem to be because he's insecure about something."

"Jazz…" I warned. "It's hard for him… trying to find a niche in my life that isn't already taken up by you."

He shrugged. "Maybe that should be a hint for him."

"_Jasper!_" I cried and my anger immediately flared at the smug smile gracing his face. "What is your problem? Why are you acting like such a jackass?"

He scowled at the road, his grip on the steering wheel tightening to the point his knuckles were white. "Maybe he's just not good enough for you."

"That's for me to decide, isn't it?" when he didn't respond, I sighed. "Jazz… I don't want to fight with you. _Please_, just… back off. Leave Michael alone… stop criticizing, stop being mean…"

The rest of the weekend passed in a blur. Jasper tentatively agreed to back off and be nice, which I knew was simply code for _"I'll keep my trap shut… for now… but I'm still looking to exploit any and all weaknesses"_. Michael and I had our picnic Sunday night and made the most of it, since he had a special edition of the paper to get out and I wouldn't see him the rest of the week.

Jasper and Emmett were both working late most nights, which suited me fine because Rosalie seemed to be the only one not up in my business lately. Emmett was always asking questions about Michael, wanting me to invite him over for dinner (_right_… 'cause that went so well the last time), while Jasper kept saying that Alice wanted to double-date. I didn't exactly feel like exposing Michael to Alice. Lord only knows, he was the biggest body-defiler of us all and I didn't want to have to jam my fist into her mouth to keep her quiet.

By Wednesday, I was rather lonely though. Rosalie and I had ordered Thai food and watched a movie in relative silence. By ten PM, we were both tired and began putting away the leftovers.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute to help with the dishes." She said to me, heading for the stairs.

I bobbed a nod and continued loading the dishwasher until a knock at the door sounded.

_Who the hell?_

_At ten at night?_

It wasn't until I'd already swung the door open that I realized I hadn't asked who it was or checked the peephole first, and I knew I should have.

A tall man with hair as black as an oil slick and just as greasy, smiled at me from the front stoop. "Hi there." He smiled brightly. "I'm looking for Rosalie. Is she available?"

I shifted uncomfortably, searching for any sign of Jasper's truck or Emmett's Jeep, but I had no clue when they'd be home.

"I'll go get her. Can I tell her who's asking for her?"

His smile became a grimace, though I wasn't sure if he knew that. "Oh, I'm an old friend. My name's Royce and—"

I immediately swung the door shut but he caught it and slammed it back into me, knocking the breath out of my lungs. It didn't matter. I took off toward the living room, screaming. "ROSE! ROSALIE! It's Royce! Call the—"

He grabbed me, locking my arms to my sides and swinging me until I collided with the sideboard. Shattered glass and china crunched under my weight and then he was swinging me again, tossing me like a ragdoll so that I landed on the coffee table and skidded off, finally halting as I landed between the table and the couch.

"Sage? That's not—" I heard her stop at the foot of the stairs, but I couldn't see her, couldn't lift myself up to look beyond the recliner that separated us. "Royce." She breathed and then there were hard footsteps echoing on the stairs and I knew she was running.

_Good. Lock yourself in your room. Please, God._

He followed her and I heard the familiar crunch of wood as he knocked the door in.

Rational thought left my mind. I pulled my phone from my pocket and texted Jasper the only thing I could think would get his attention.

_**Royce!**_

I tossed my phone aside and then I was up and running, down the basement stairs and into Jasper's room. I ripped his closet door open and began fumbling through the shoeboxes at the bottom, tossing away combat boots, shit-kickers, running shoes, a keepsake box full of Iraqi coins and paper money.

_Nothing_.

I stood and looked up. On the top shelf were more boxes. I grabbed his computer chair and pulled it over, yanking the boxes down and shaking them until I felt what I needed. I opened the brown box just as Rosalie's screams reverberated down the stairs and I pulled out Jasper's Glock 25 and the loaded magazine he kept separate in case of incident.

I slammed the magazine into the butt of the gun, chambered a bullet, and silently thanked my lucky stars Uncle Charlie had insisted I learn to handle a gun. I made my way carefully back up the stairs as loud crashes, screams, and yells disturbed the house and then I made my way up to Emmett and Rose's room. I set the gun down just outside the door, grabbed the lamp on the sideboard in the hall, and lunged through the door, swinging and connecting with Royce's head.

He turned immediately and backhanded me before turning back to Rose; he was doing his damndest to rip her clothes off, but she was fighting. I caught sight of his face and smiled a little at the fact the she'd put some pretty deep gouges into his cheek.

The happiness was short-lived, however, as my head cracked against a shelf and I crumpled. It took me a moment to get my bearings again and then I crawled back to the doorway, grabbed the gun and stood. I took aim, knowing I'd have to aim right in the event Jasper wasn't packing hollow-points, otherwise I could hit Rose too.

"ROYCE!" I screamed. When he turned, I squeezed the trigger. Rosalie must've seen me over his shoulder because she immediately rolled away and I watched as the bullet, as if in slow motion, punched a hole through Royce's chest at his sternum. He jerked with the impact and fell, blood pooling around him.

Everything sped up again and I stared in horror as the blood drained out of his body. My hands began to shake and I immediately took my finger off the trigger, but didn't release the gun. Too many horror movies over the years had me scared that he'd spring up at me the moment I let my guard down.

Rosalie was heaving and breathless, but she stood and grabbed me. "It's OK, Sage." She pried my fingers off the gun and led me downstairs. I sunk to the floor at the foot of the steps and sat there, watching as she dialed 911, my mind going completely blank.

I didn't register anything for a very long time, it seemed. Rosalie was sitting next to me, there was a loud noise and sirens and more crunching wood and paramedics and police and I didn't register any of it until Jasper's voice cut through the din.

"That's my house! My sister and my friend are in there!" he appeared out of the entry and his eyes immediately found Rose, who was being tended by paramedics, already strapped down on a stretcher, and then they landed on me.

I gazed up at him, completely numb and dumb and out of it. My face was burning and it felt swollen, no doubt from the slap Royce had given me; the back of my head throbbed; my face and hair felt wet and sticky and I wasn't sure where all the blood had come from, though I knew there had to be a logical explanation.

Jasper crossed the room in two steps and scooped me up into his arms. "Sage? Sagey? Sweetheart? Baby, please! Come on! Say something, please?"

"She's in shock." Someone whispered.

"Then fuckin' help her! What's wrong with you?" he yelled.

"What the hell happened?"

Emmett.

My brother was inside now and tending to Rose, following her stretcher out to the waiting ambulance.

Jasper stayed with me, riding in the ambulance and holding my hand, whispering words of encouragement the whole time, but I barely registered anything.

The same words kept running through my head at lightning speed.

_I._

_Killed._

_Royce._

They pried Jasper's fingers from mine as soon as they wheeled me into the ER and I was truly scared. They began cleaning and debriding wounds, deadening my arms and face in order to clean and stitch the gashes there. I could only assume the glass from the sideboard had found a mark when I crashed onto it.

Once I was cleaned up and no longer bleeding, a nurse and an orderly wheeled me down to Radiology and I had my second ever CT Scan. No bleeding on the brain, no swelling. That's good, I think. But my head was beginning to throb again as the Lidocane wore off.

When they finally got me a room, Jasper was waiting for me, pacing back and forth. As soon as they had me situated, he pressed a tender kiss to the top of my head, careful to avoid all the cuts and bruising.

"Sweetheart, it's gonna be OK." He whispered into my hair.

I wasn't so sure.

_I._

_Killed._

_Royce._

_More than that… this is the SECOND person to die because of me_.

A police officer knocked on the door. I was still too out of it to focus on what was being said.

"The doctor said she doesn't have a concussion and that she's free to go… she's not being admitted."

"OK then. I'll take her home."

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Sir." The officer said, producing a set of shiny, steel handcuffs.

"Are you serious? You're arresting her? God only knows what would've happened if—"

"I'm sorry, Sir, it's out of my hands. The DA has taken an interest because of an incident involving a _Maria Nunez_ a few months ago."

_Well shit._

_Of course that bitch would come back to kick my ass._

_It's not nice to think ill of the dead._

"She's not in any state—"

"She's coming around, Sir."

And I was. I was gripping Jasper's hand as though my life depended on it and he turned to stare at me, wide-eyed.

"Sweetheart, it's OK."

I nodded. "Help me up. Let him do his job."

He sighed and did as I asked, but hugged me to his chest and tucked my head under his chin. "Please don't Perp-Walk her."

"It's procedure, Sir."

"Can you at least cuff her hands in front? She's scared… don't make it worse for her."

The officer must have nodded because Jasper released me and I stumbled forward a few steps and held out my hands.

He cuffed me much more gently than I thought he would, squeezing the metal together instead of slapping it against my wrists and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't want to be doing this.

"Sage McCarty, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you by the courts. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?" I nodded mutely. "I need a _yes_ or a _no_, Miss McCarty."

"Yes. I understand." I whispered and then he led me out into the hallway and out the exit to the waiting squad car.

"Sage, Sweetie, I'll be right behind you!" Jasper called after me.

_**Jasper POV**_

I gripped the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles were white and cracking. When I'd received Sage's text message, I'd immediately panicked. I'd been wrangling some untrained Arabian horses at the time and had had to leave the other ranch hand, Garrett, in a pinch.

I'd floored the gas pedal the entire way and still felt as though I moved too slow; by the time I got there… It was too late. Rose was on a stretcher, Sage was covered in blood and sitting, stunned, like some macabre, broken marionette.

My heart broke that she had to be handcuffed like some common criminal. Anyone would agree that she hadn't deserved that, regardless of the incident with Maria.

But I followed right behind the squad car and was hot on their heels as they entered the precinct. I filled out forms and I waited as they questioned Sage. I texted Emmett and I was floored and angry when he told me that Rose had been discharged before Sage had even left the hospital, and that they were staying in a hotel for a few days.

When I told him about Sage, he'd simply said _"OK"_.

I wanted to kill him.

Then the officer who'd taken Sage into custody came down the hall and asked if I was up to being questioned.

_What the hell?_

I followed him into the interrogation room, my eyes landing on the two-way mirror that lined one wall. I shrugged and sat down.

Another officer, a young woman, entered then. They shuffled papers for a moment before the first officer finally spoke.

"How long have you known Miss McCarty?"

My military training immediately kicked in. Quick, succinct answers only.

"Nearly seven years."

"How long have you shared a residence?"

"Nearly a year."

The female officer leaned forward. "Do you own a handgun, Mister Whitlock?"

"Yes."

"What kind?"

"A Glock Twenty-Five."

"Is it registered in your name?"

"Yes it is."

"Have you ever used it in a crime?"

"No."

"How long have you owned it?"

"Since about three days after I got back from Iraq."

"Why did you feel the need to buy a gun?"

_Wait… so I'm the bad guy because I own a fucking gun?_

"Because the Second Amendment affords me that right." I answered curtly.

They shuffled more papers.

The female officer spoke again. "Did Miss McCarty know where you kept the gun?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"She saw me cleaning it one day."

"Did you keep it in a gun safe?"

I groaned. "No. I keep it in a shoebox in my closet with the magazine ejected."

"Why?"

My eyes narrowed. "Because there's no law that says I have to keep it anywhere other than a shoebox in my closet. Because it's well-hidden. Because if I were a thief or a thug, the first place I'd look for a gun would be a gun safe. Because if it came down to a gun safe tonight, Sage and my sister might've been dead, raped, or a combination of the two. Why don't you stop treating her like a fuckin' murderer and start treating her like a fucking victim?"

The male officer sighed. "She's refusing to be treated like a victim. She's cooperating fully. She's with the District Attorney now."

"We just wanted to corroborate her story. I'll escort you back out to the waiting area."

I felt numb, but followed the second officer out to the waiting area. No sooner than I sat down than another officer led Sage out into the hallway and uncuffed her wrists.

"You're free to go."

A woman in a business suit with her blond hair pulled into a severe-looking bun stepped out of the room and shook Sage's hand. "It was self-defense. Both times. I'd never get a conviction on that." She turned and walked away.

Sage was shaking and quaking as she made her way down the hall. She stopped ten feet from me and her face crumpled, tears streamed down her cheeks, and she sobbed. I closed the distance in only a few steps and pulled her to me, lifting her and pulling her legs around my hips so that I could move her more easily.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" she sobbed into my neck and I knew she wasn't apologizing to me.

Everything had finally caught up with her. Not just Royce, not just the level of aggravation and tension between us, but Maria as well. _Everything_ had finally caught up with her.

And I knew in that moment that it wasn't me she wanted or needed. She needed Emmett. She needed her big brother to hug her and make things right. She needed her big brother to tell her she'd done right, to approve of her methods, to tell her Royce deserved to die, that there'd been no other choice. She needed him to be proud of her and be OK with what she'd done. She needed him. She needed Emmett to drop everything and rush to comfort her, just as I'd done for Rosalie.

And he was in a hotel.

For God only knows what reason.

For once in our nearly seven years as friends, I couldn't fix this. I couldn't make it right. I couldn't make her feel better. I couldn't stop her tears or her sobs or her anguish. I couldn't do anything except hold her.

I took her home and helped her peel off her grimy, bloodied clothes. I did my best to scrub the blood out while she showered, but I ended up throwing the flannel pants and gray T-shirt away. When she'd dressed again, I helped her brush her hair out, and then I laid her down in my bed with the quilt over her. I straightened my room and put the boxes away, then I sat in my computer chair and watched her sleep.

Around noon, I wrote her a quick note that I was going out to run an errand and left it where she'd find it.

I climbed into my truck and drove as quickly as possible over to the Bayview Hotel where Emmett and Rose were staying. I shot him a quick text to get their room number and he was waiting for me when I made it down the hall.

"What's up? We were sleeping so you—"

I didn't let him finish. I just drew back my fist and punched him in the jaw.

"You're such a fucking asshole!" I growled. "Your baby sister _needed_ you last night, Emmett! Where the hell were you? Huh?"

"Rose needed me!" he growled back, taking a swing at me. I grabbed his wrist and parried around him, pinning his arm behind his back and his face to the wall opposite their room.

"I'm sure I could've taken up that post for a few hours. Sage was alone and scared and she needed you! She fucking _needed_ you! This was the one time I couldn't fix it and you _failed_! You fucking _failed_ at being her big brother!" I slammed him against the wall and then released him. "You should be ashamed. Sacrificing family is never OK. Rose could've survived a few hours without you. Sage was the one who needed stitches. Sage was the one who needed a CT Scan. Sage was the one who was fucking _arrested_ for killing Royce!"

He spun. "Rosalie was the one who was almost _raped_ by Royce!"

I nodded. "I don't dismiss what Rose has gone through. I'm the last person who would." He cocked his eyebrow at me. "But your sister needed you last night. She was alone and scared and injured and she still managed to pull the trigger and save both of their lives. And you couldn't even be there to say _good job_ or _thank you_. You abandoned her when she actually _wanted_ you to be there. Epic fail." And I turned and stalked off back to my truck.

Sage stayed home for the next few days, though she insisted I go to class. I knew she moved around, because she was always freshly showered and in different clothes than when I left her, and usually sitting on her bed reading or something, but she seemed petrified.

She refused to go upstairs, she didn't want to go out, and she was becoming more and more agitated at the prospect of going back to school.

So when Friday came and Michael was waiting in his usual spot with coffee, I was just as agitated as Sage had been, though for a different reason.

"Michael." I greeted, walking right past him.

"Where's Sage?" he turned and immediately sped to catch up with me, but his words stopped me in my tracks.

"She's at home." I turned to look at him, an eyebrow cocked. "She didn't want to come to school today. I'll have to try and get her out of the basement sometime this weekend."

He looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

And now I was amused, albeit, maliciously so. "She didn't tell you?" he shook his head, still confused. "When's the last time you spoke to her?"

He shrugged. We texted a bit Wednesday night, but she hasn't returned any of my phone calls since then."

I groaned. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Not really, actually."

I licked my lips and sighed. "Sit down. We need to talk." We took a seat on a nearby bench and I explained everything about Rose's history and about Royce's attack. He listened, stunned beyond words.

"I need to go to her."

That rankled. I didn't particularly care to take Michael back to the house to attempt to comfort Sage. She wasn't speaking to me, what made him think she'd speak to him?

But I sighed and nodded and we walked to our cars.

I led him into the house and down the stairs to the basement. I knocked on her door and opened it. "Sage?" the room was empty. I frowned and walked down the way to my own room and opened the door, Michael right over my shoulder. He froze as she came into view, curled into a ball under the quilt, napping in my bed. He knew the room was mine. There was no way he couldn't know. And the look in his eyes told me now was not the time to be triumphant. He was hurting. "In fairness…" I murmured over my shoulder to him. "Her bed's hard as a rock… she may just be too sore."

"Can we have a minute?" he whispered. I nodded and went back upstairs.

_**End Note: Leave me a review, I promise you won't be sorry! I'll send you a teaser!**_


	20. Numb Part 1

_**A/N: I no own, you no sue. Period.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday (as always) for pre-reading and providing wonderful ego-strokes to ensure I continue writing.**_

_**Thanks to HammerHips. She's the Schwoogie-Muffin to my Red Hot Mama. Read her new story "Whiskey and Spitfire". It's awesome!**_

_*****Much thanks to Heavyinfinity, who took the time to not only read this story, but to also recommend it in her fuckawesome fic, "A Moment Changes Everything". If you haven't read her story, I suggest you do so, because it's amazing. **___

Chapter 19: Numb Part 1.

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface  
I don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

-"Numb" by Linkin Park

_**Sage POV**_

I awoke to someone kissing my forehead and opened my eyes, blinking the sleep away. Michael gave me a weak smile and brushed my bangs out of my eyes. And then it clicked into place: Michael was here. Seeing me. And I knew from looking in the mirror that I was a pretty gruesome sight to behold.

"What are you doing here?" I rasped, my throat dry. I reached over and grabbed my bottle of water and took a swig.

"That wasn't exactly the greeting I was going for." He murmured, running his fingers through my hair.

I sighed and sat up. "Can you blame me for not wanting you to see me looking like Frankenstein's monster?"

He gave me another weak smile. "Well, call me crazy, but I think I should be here for my girlfriend after what all she's been through."

_Say huh?_

"Girlfriend?" I nearly choked.

Michael was not one to be easily embarrassed, but my reaction was apparently not what he was going for. "Or… whatever… I just—"

"Oh, God! No, that's… I didn't mean that the way it came out." I tried to amend, covering my mouth. "I'm sorry… you… you just kinda caught me off-guard."

He sighed and gave me a genuine smile. "Can I ask you a favor?" I nodded. "Can we… get out of this room? It's kinda weirding me out being in another guy's room… with my _girlfriend_ curled up in his bed."

I grimaced and climbed off the bed. "My bed's hard as a rock." I told him, leading him through the bathroom and into my room.

It wasn't a lie, because my bed truly was hard. It just wasn't the reason I was in Jasper's bed. Jasper's bed was comfort, emotionally as much as physically.

I closed both doors so we'd at least have the illusion of privacy, and I smiled as he toed off his shoes and sat down on my bed. "You're right, it is." He smirked and sat back against the headboard. "Come here." He held his arms open.

I was slightly aware of the irony of the situation and how much it paralleled a recent encounter from only a few months ago, however I pushed that into the dark recesses of my mind and climbed into Michael's arms.

He was comforting and certainly softer than the bed. He was tender and gentle as he cradled me and stroked my hair.

"He didn't… I mean…" I heard his heart rate pick up as he searched for the right words. "Aside from this…" he touched the gash on my forehead. "And these," he ran his fingers lightly over my arm, but he couldn't seem to get the question out.

I sat up and looked at him, but he couldn't meet my eyes. "Aside from being tossed around like a human-frisbee, I am otherwise unharmed." I smiled as he relaxed beneath me.

"Good." And then he blushed again. "I mean… not _good_, but—"

I held up a hand. "It's OK. I know what you meant." He gave me a small smile and I relaxed against him, smiling. "This is one time where the phrase _you should see the other guy_ is both wholly appropriate and completely unamusing." I murmured against his chest.

Michael nodded. "I was worried about you. Why didn't you at least text me?"

I snorted. "And say what? _I was attacked and my brother's girlfriend was almost raped, but it's OK 'cause I shot the guy_?" he chuckled lightly. "That would've gone over like a lead balloon."

"I suppose so." He kissed my forehead again and rubbed my back. "I'm glad that… well… I'm glad that for the most part, you're OK."

I smiled. "I don't think I've ever actually known you to be at a loss for words." I murmured.

"Well, beautiful women do that to me."

I smirked. "You're very smooth. But you know that."

He laughed and I smiled at the vibration. "I actually don't have that much game, Babe. You're just easily impressed."

I braced my hands on his chest and pushed up so that I could kiss him. "You really are that smooth." I whispered.

Michael smiled and pulled me into another kiss, this one slower, more languid and lazy.

"Sage! Can we—WOAH!" the door flew open and I growled.

"Emmett! It's called knocking!" Emmett stood in my doorway, staring dumbly at us. I huffed and climbed off Michael's lap. "I'll be back." I grumbled, leading Emmett out the door and shutting it behind me. I stepped into Jasper's and my makeshift living room and turned, crossing my arms over my chest. "What do you want, Emmett?" for the first time, I noticed a large goose egg bruise on the right side of his jaw.

"I… I wanted to say… Good job." I raised an eyebrow at him. "I mean… You know… for shooting Royce."

I was stunned. I simply blinked at him.

"Jesus, Emmett! What a way to fat-finger that one!" Jasper cried, stepping out of his room. Michael immediately appeared in my doorway.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Wow. Now they've multiplied. Pretty soon you'll have your own little army."

"Why don't you back off her?" Jasper called.

"She's _my_ sister."

"She's _my_ friend."

"Jesus!" I yelled, forcing them all to jump. "Do you hear yourselves? You both act like fucking _dogs_. Why don't you each just pick a leg and piss on it while you're at it?" Emmett and Jasper both looked ashamed. I sighed. "Michael, you wanna get me outta here?"

He smiled. "Yeah, I do."

"I'll pack a bag." I started back to my room, but Emmett grabbed my arm.

"Emmett…" Jasper warned.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked me.

I sighed. "I'm going to stay with my _boyfriend_ until my _brother_ and my _best friend _finish whatever Roid Rage pissing contest they've started." I sighed and shot Michael a smile. "Wow. That felt good to say. My _boyfriend._" I looked back at my arm. "Emmett, let me go." He released me immediately, obviously remembering the last time he'd had me by the arm. I walked back to my room and past Michael, pulled my backpack from the floor, dumped my books on my bed, and packed some track shorts, a tank top, a spare change of clothes, and my toothbrush.

"You realize I'll just turn the tracker on your phone on." Emmett called and I could just picture him standing there with his arms crossed, as though it would be a deterrence.

I snorted as I took Michael's hand and stepped back out into the hallway. "Emmett, you realize it only works if my phone's on? And it's not." He glared at me. "Michael will take care of me." I assured him and then turned to Jasper. "I don't know what the deal is… I don't care… but you need to retrace your steps and figure out where you dropped my best friend. Mike, let's go." I tugged his hand and we walked up the stairs and out to his car.

When we were a safe distance away, I slumped down in my seat. "My family is _insane_." I groaned.

Michael laughed and took my hand, lacing our fingers together. "I see what you mean now."

I rolled my eyes. "Jasper's _never_ like that. I don't know what the hell is wrong with him these days."

He brought my hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to my knuckles. "I'm sure you'll both figure it out." Though he was smiling, I thought I saw a brief flash of sadness in his eyes. We pulled into an apartment complex a few moments later and he put the car in _Park_. I cocked an eyebrow at him and he said, "You want to come up?" I felt my eyebrow go higher. "I'm not expecting or asking for anything… I just figured since I was in your space today, maybe I'd introduce you to mine."

I laughed. "That's why I like you. You get my whole thing about space."

He grabbed my bag and I followed him up to the third floor to his apartment. The place wasn't even close to what I would have imagined for a bachelor pad. While the carpet was the industrialized crap they sold in bulk to apartment complexes, everything else was more expensive. There was a black leather couch, matching recliner, and a glass-top coffee table with a black wood base in the living room, positioned at angles to provide a view of the large flat-screen TV mounted on the wall. There was a fireplace in one corner, with pictures of Michael and his family on the mantle.

In another corner of the room was his dining table, small, and black wood like the coffee table, with four matching chairs, and a similar black wood desk. The wall behind the desk was covered in framed articles of Michael's that had been published over the years along with several awards for writing achievements. It was to this wall that I wandered, skimming everything.

"Wow." I breathed.

"I'm sure you have a similar wall somewhere." He sighed, standing behind me.

I laughed. "I went to Forks High School. There were seventy-three people in my graduating class. I don't think we had quite the same advantages…" I paused to admire a framed photograph on the desk of Michael shaking hands with the Governor of Illinois. "I was… Co-Editor of the Yearbook Staff… and Co-Captain of the Soccer team… and Co-Captain of the track team."

"Always _Co_?"

"Always. There were only two seniors my graduating year… and Seniors always got priority for Captain's slots… I got Co-Editor for being on the staff all four years." I smiled as his arms wrapped around me. "Unlike you, there has never been anything that is simply _mine_."

"What about me?"

"What about you?"

"Aren't I yours? I don't have any connection to your brother or Jasper… to anyone else in your life. Just you."

"Hmmm… I like that."

"I thought you might." I smiled and he leaned down to kiss my neck. "Come on, let's put a movie on and forget all the bullshit for a few hours."

And so we did. We laid on the couch and watched movie after movie into the afternoon and when we were bored with that, we chose books from Michael's extensive collection and read for several more hours. We ordered pizza and talked about his life in Chicago, mine in Forks and laughed at the different experiences we'd had growing up.

Around eight, Michael made me turn my phone on and check my messages. I rolled my eyes as I listened with the phone on _Speaker_.

_"Sage, it's Em. Come on home, Jasper and I aren't fighting anymore."_

_ "Hey, it's Jazz. Give me a call, please. I want to talk to you._

_ "Hey Parsley, the boys back home are worried the fuck about you. Don't make me come introduce myself to your new _Power Tool_ with my sawed-off."_

"Oh that's just bad." I grumbled.

_"Sage, it's Bells. Where the hell are you? Emmett's worried and he called Dad to ask if he could phone you in as a Missing Person. Call me."_

_ "Sage, it's Rose. Please, please, PLEASE just call home so the boys know you're alright. They feel bad, they're upset, and now they're trying to Google Michael and find his address. Please just call so they know you're alive and I'll try to get them to back off."_

I hung up the phone and groaned. "So… bad."

Michael was trying his best not to laugh. "So… who do you call back first?"

"Kill three birds with one stone and call Rose." I sighed, dialing Rose's number.

"_Hello?"_

"Tell them I'm alive and I'm not coming home tonight."

"_Jesus. Thank fucking God."_ She pulled the phone away and we heard her yell, _"She's alive and she's not fucking coming home tonight, now stop Googling and invading her privacy!"_ and then she was back on the phone. _"They've been going crazy for hours."_

"Yeah, it's a pretty low blow when Emmett calls Bella and Jasper calls Peter." I snarked.

"_Shit, did they really?"_

"Yeah. It's OK, I'll text Bella and call Charlotte to call Peter off me before he actually decides to drive down here.

"_Alright, Sweetie. We'll see you tomorrow."_

"Night, Rose." I hung up.

"Next." He laughed.

I typed out a quick message to Bella:

_**I'm alive, I'm unharmed, I'm having fun with my BF. I'm not missing, Emmett's an ass. Pass it on.**_

And then I dialed Charlotte.

_"Sugar, you better have a damn good reason for running off on your brother and Jasper. Do you have any idea how upset they are? Peter's tryin' to find a place to bury your boyfriend."_ Char said as soon as she picked up the phone. Michael blanched.

"Char, what have we discussed about taking what Jas and Em say without consulting the actual subject?"

There was a pause and then, _"Don't. Ugh. You're right, I'm sorry. Peter! Quit cleaning the shotgun, she's fine!"_ and then there was a scrambling and a muffled argument and then Peter took the phone.

"_Parsley, where the hell are you?"_

I snorted. "Hey Pete, nice to talk to you too. I'm with Michael."

"_Who's Michael?"_ he asked obstinately.

I rolled my eyes. "My boyfriend."

"_Oh, the Power Tool."_

"We just prefer the term boyfriend."

He scoffed. _"He ain't a boyfriend 'til I approve."_

"Oh Jesus, I found me another dog. Pete, put Char back on the phone so I can tell her to kick your ass."

"_No! Now, is he listening?"_

My eyes narrowed and I glanced at Michael. "Yes."

"_Hi Michael, I'm Peter. If you so much as lay a finger on that pristine little Angel you got there, I will kill you and make it look like an accident… a very gruesome accident."_

"Peter!" I cried but Michael shushed me with a simple touch. "I was just calling to tell you I'm alright and there isn't a need to worry. I'll talk to you later." I went to hang up, but he interrupted me.

"_Hang on! When are ya'll comin' back up? You know Diablo doesn't like me… 'cause I spur him and all. He's not getting much exercise. I think he misses you."_

My eyes narrowed in thought and a small smile crept across my face. "I'll talk to Jasper. Maybe in a few weeks, once my stitches come out."

"_Good."_

"Yeah, maybe I'll be able to convince Michael to come." There was silence and Michael was shaking his head and rolling his eyes at me. "Oh come on, Michael's not nearly as bad as Alice… and he's the biggest Body Defiler of us all." He cocked an eyebrow at me and I shook my head.

"_Fine."_ He sighed grudgingly. _"I'll talk to you later, Sage."_

"Bye, Pete." I hung up.

"_Body Defiler_?" Michael asked.

I burst out laughing. "Alice… Jasper's girlfriend. She's got this thing about tattoos… something about the body is supposed to be honored, not defiled with tattoos."

"Ah… Yes, I've heard that before. I wonder what she'd say if she knew my tattoo was religious." I cocked an eyebrow at him. "It is! You've seen it."

"Briefly. I didn't get a good look at it. We were in the middle of a classroom when you whipped your shirt off to show me." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, well here." He pulled me across his lap so that I was straddling his thighs and then pulled his shirt up and off. "Get a better look."

I smiled as I touched his chest, tracing the design with my index finger. "That… is the Archangel Michael." I smirked at him, admiring the Gothic design that was the background. "It looks like a stained glass window."

"Well, it was… that's where I got the design from… a stained glass window in the church I grew up in." he shifted me back to the couch and turned so that I could see his back.

"Ah… and Lucifer." I traced the less Angelic face that was being cast out of Heaven. "It's a work of art." I kissed his shoulder.

"Thanks." He sat back and pulled me into his lap again. He was frowning now. "Why'd Peter call me a _Power Tool_?"

"Oh God!" I cried and buried my face in the crook of his neck. "That is _so_ not a conversation I want to have with you right now."

"I'm just curious."

"I know, that's what makes it so bad. As long as I thought you'd missed it, I was OK. Now you want to know."

"Well I could just ask him when I meet him."

My head shot up and I glared. "You wouldn't dare."

He smirked at me. "Wouldn't I?"

I sighed. "It's… sort of a running joke between Charlotte and I… about vibrators."

He laughed. "Are you serious?" I nodded. "Wow. I'm not sure whether to be offended or flattered." I shook my head and then yawned before I could stop myself. "Come on, let's go to bed." I cocked an eyebrow at him and he held up his hands in surrender. "I already told you I expect nothing. I'll even let you have the bed and I'll sleep on the couch if it'll make you feel more comfortable."

I thought about it for a minute. "Just don't get handsy." I teased.

When we were settled in Michael's bed, he pulled me close and I rested my head on his bare chest, smiling at the warmth and contact. He lightly stroked my hair and kissed my forehead while we laid there in silence for a while.

"Is this your first time ever sharing a bed with someone?" he asked.

I felt the blood rise in my cheeks. I didn't want to lie to him, but I also wasn't big on telling him the truth and making him feel more insecure about Jasper.

"No." I answered.

He nodded. "Jasper." It wasn't a question.

"We're only friends. Sometimes we fall asleep together."

"You don't have to explain. I trust you."

"I know… but that's why I feel the need to explain."

He sighed and pulled me closer. "I know you and Jasper have an… unconventional male-female friendship. And I'm OK with it… well, OK, that's a bit too nice. I understand. And I'm not going to get in the way of it or tell you to drop him because that's not who I am." I nodded mutely. "But, I'd be lying if I said that I'm completely OK with you sleeping in another man's arms. No matter how innocent."

"You don't have to worry about it." I murmured.

"I know." He tipped my chin up and kissed me softly.

A thought struck me and I pushed myself up to look at him. "So… you're not gonna go all Caveman on me at all, huh?"

He smirked and stroked my hair. "If I thought that would have any effect other than to piss you off, I might, but I think you demonstrated quite well what you think of that." He pulled my arm so that I was draped across his chest so that he could kiss me more forcefully than before. "I may daydream every now and again about going all _Caveman_ as you put it, but for the most part, I think it's just easier if we keep us about _us_ and not about Emmett or Jasper or anyone else. It'll cut down on the drama… and I'm dating you. Not them." He kissed me again.

"That sounds pretty damn perfect to me." I replied.

_**Jasper POV**_

Emmett and I were both pissed beyond belief that Sage would just leave with Michael without a backward glance, but she did. We were even worse off when she called Rose to tell her she wouldn't be home.

The scenarios that ran through my head had the acid rising to my throat almost faster than I could think. And I knew I had no right to be so concerned because I was with Alice. But I was.

I was less than thrilled when we made plans to go up to Napa for Memorial Day weekend, only to find out Michael was coming with us. Alice was going down to Mississippi to visit family. Things were made worse than ever though, only a few short days before we were to leave for Napa.

"Jas? Alice just called. She asked me to remind you to get your hair cut and get your khakis pressed for that brunch tomorrow."

"OK." I replied, scowling as Sage snorted into her Teddy Grahams. "Problem?" I asked.

"Who me? No. No problem." She replied sarcastically.

I shot a look to Rose, but she simply shrugged. "Seriously? Sage, what the hell is your problem?"

"Not a damn thing." She dumped her bowl in the sink and rinsed it. "I mean… you just gotta get a _haircut_… and get those _khakis_ pressed… because God only knows you can't make _those_ decisions yourself."

"Alice wants me to look nice when I meet her friends tomorrow!" I cried indignantly. She snorted again and I slammed my palm down on the breakfast bar. "What the hell is your problem?"

She gave me a withering look. "Nothing. At least, not if Alice is supposed to have your balls in her Dooney and Bourke purse… Tell me, Jazz, when's the last time you actually picked out what you were gonna wear for yourself? Because you've been in khakis and slacks for the better part of a month now… and I didn't even know you _owned_ loafers… which are really ugly, by the way." I stared at her, dumbfounded. "And your hair? Since when do you let someone dictate when you get your hair cut?" I blinked. "Tell you what… when _Jasper_ comes back, let me know. I wanted to talk to him. Later, _Jazzy_." And she smirked and took off for her room.

I looked at Rose again and she shrugged. "You think she's right, don't you?" I asked lamely.

She shrugged again. "I think if it's bad enough that she's been upset with you for months and finally exploded, it's gotten pretty bad."

"What are you talking about? She hasn't been upset with me for months."

Rose sighed. "Maybe not _entirely_ you, but you guys haven't been yourselves lately… you snap at each other… she doesn't want to hang out… that's not like Sage. She wears her heart on her sleeve and she _always_ tells _you_ what's on her mind."

"So why hasn't she said anything before?" I asked.

"Because she wants you to be happy… and that outweighs her desire to blow the whistle on Alice's shenanigans. If you're happy, is it worth it? You are happy?" I shrugged. "Maybe she's seeing that… you're not sure, now neither is she. Maybe it's all boiling over and she's pissed because she's put in all that effort to keep her mouth shut and now it's seeming to be a waste." She shrugged again and went upstairs to get ready for work.

Was she right?

Was Sage right?

Looking back… I wasn't even sure when it had started, when Alice had begun disparaging what I wore, how I acted… She hated my drawl and wanted me to speak without it. She hated my jeans and boots. She was disgusted by my tattoos, so she always wanted me in long-sleeve shirts, no matter the weather.

And then the really important question: Was I happy?

That was complicated on so many levels.

Was I happy to have someone who paid attention to me? Yes.

Was I happy to apparently be lacking so much that Alice felt the need to change me? No.

Was I happy that Sage and I seemed to have hit some sort of snag in our friendship that we might never recover from? Hell no.

I sighed and went downstairs, knocking quickly on Sage's half-open door. She was packing a small duffel bag with clothes and toiletries. "You packing already? It's only Tuesday."

"I'm staying at Michael's tonight." She answered without slowing down.

Was I happy that Sage was getting so close to Michael so fast?

_Not that fast. It is May. They've been together since late March…_

Fuck no.

"Moving a little fast, don't you think?"

"I'm sorry, is that your business?"

"Sage… can we just… not fight right now? Please?" I begged. She shrugged and continued folding her clothes and placing them in the bag. "I worry about you, is all. I don't want you to end up regretting—"

"Regretting what?" she rounded on me. "We don't do anything. The only reason I'm going is to get away from you for a little while. Your pretty boy routine is driving me nuts."

That stung.

A lot.

But it also made me happy in a whole other way than it should have.

_They don't do anything._

_He doesn't touch her._

"Why spend the night if you're not going to—"

"He's waiting for me. He has no expectations… which is also a nice change of pace."

"Who has expectations?"

She snorted. "Who doesn't? Emmett expects me to be the perfect little sister, nice and malleable and agreeable, whether or not he's been working on it, he still expects it. You expect me to hang around waiting for God only knows what, you expect me to be the dutiful little friend with no life of my own."

_That's not…_

_OK, I can't even lie to her in my head._

"Michael's good to me. I don't have to try to please him. I don't have to be anything but me." She smiled, but her eyes fell. "I could probably have the IQ of a wet mop and he'd be thrilled." She turned back to her bag and zipped it up. "It's just me growing up, Jazz. Nothing else. Don't worry. I'm still the _Pristine Angel_ you all expect me to be."

_Pristine Angel?_

_Peter._

_No one else would call her that but Peter._

_They wouldn't be breathing, but she's too lazy to drive to Napa just to kill him._

"I was hoping we could talk." My throat felt tight. I really had been like Emmett these past few weeks… well… more like an insanely jealous boyfriend. I certainly didn't have the right to be that.

"We'll talk this weekend, I'm sure." She sighed just as the doorbell rang. "I gotta go." She paused to look at me. Whatever she saw in my face made her feel bad. The spark in her eyes faded just slightly, but she hugged me quickly and said, "Just do me a favor… lose the khakis for an hour… put on a pair of jeans… just be Jasper." And then she was gone.

I sighed and raked my fingers through my hair, tugging lightly. It was back down to the tips of my earlobes. Alice wanted me to get it cut… _styled_ as she called it. I walked back to my room and opened the closet.

I'd packed my jeans up weeks ago. I hadn't even thought about it when I did it, but I had too many pairs of khakis and slacks to fit the jeans anywhere.

Jesus!

Sage was right.

I shifted a little just to make sure my balls were still between my legs.

_What in the hell have I been doing these past few months?_

_Going through the motions._

I couldn't remember the last time Alice and I had had a conversation that wasn't about religion or that Ethics class we'd shared. Everything, from an ant on the sidewalk to the bigger picture, came back to faith for her. To be sure, we truly didn't have any shared interests.

She loved to dance and when she wasn't with me, in Bible study, at church, or in class, that's what she was doing. She ate healthy, hated coffee with a passion (tea only please!), and was always on me to quit smoking. She'd never once heard me play guitar and had never expressed an interest in the idea. When we'd gone to Napa, I'd wanted to take her riding, but she'd refused because "horses are dirty" and at a balmy 72 degrees, it had been too hot.

Alice loved fashion and design, two things I'd never understand. She could go on and on endlessly about the advantages of print over solid, the importance of the "little black dress", and how certain designs just weren't meant for certain body types.

Looking back, I wondered what I'd actually seen of us in common; aside from one class, there was nothing. And it wasn't like how I didn't have anything in common with Emmett or Michael… Alice and I weren't even in the same hemisphere. If we'd never had a class together, we'd never have taken a second glance at each other.

I gritted my teeth.

Sage had pushed me toward Alice… if it was like what Rose said… she just wanted to see me happy, then maybe I'd allowed too much. What had I done to make Sage think Alice would make me happy?

When I picked Alice up for brunch the next day, I was in jeans and my boots… I'd thought long and hard about my shirt choice and settled on a yellow button-down with the sleeves rolled to my elbows.

_Bad._

_Move._

"You didn't get your hair cut." Were the first words out of her mouth, followed swiftly by, "_What_ are you wearing?"

"_Clothes_." I snarked.

Her chin jutted out as she climbed into the truck and slammed the door shut. She buckled her seatbelt and crossed her arms in a huff. "Are you _trying_ to humiliate me?" she asked.

"No. I just figured I oughta be comfortable." I replied, pulling out and onto the highway.

"_Jasper_, these are my friends. I can't introduce you to them with you looking all—"

"What?" I asked. "Looking all _what_, Alice? Looking all hick? Or country?" I pulled off into an abandoned lot and parked the truck. She was too stunned to respond, so I continued. "Is there anything about me that you actually like? Anything at all?"

She was silent for several long moments. Finally, she sighed. "Where is this coming from?"

"Does it matter?"

"It does to me."

I let my head roll back against the headrest. "No, Alice. It doesn't. And that's the _wrong_ answer."

"Look, Jasper, let's just go to brunch and we'll forget about this, OK? I forgive you. We'll figure it all out—" I shifted into gear and pulled out, turning around to head back toward Alice's apartment. "What are you doing? Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you home."

"Why?"

"Because I can't do this anymore." She stared at me with her mouth popped open in a little O of surprise. "It was recently brought to my attention that I haven't been myself for a while. And I know that's because of you."

"You should always work on self-improvement."

"And what exactly needs to be improved?"

She sighed. "Jasper, we were doing so well… we were going to get you Saved, remember? And you were going to start going to church with me, and—"

"Those were decisions _you_ made, not me." I cut her off, pulling back into her apartment complex and throwing the truck into _Park_. "You. Not me, _you_." I turned to look at her. "I don't want those things for my life. I'm a simple guy. I like simple things. I don't need preppy clothes and _styled_ hair and Wednesday brunches. The reason you're embarrassed by me is because you're answering to your friends. I don't answer to anyone but me, and _I'm_ appalled by myself." Her eyes widened. "I thought I needed you to be a whole person, but I don't, Alice." I leaned across her and opened the door. "Goodbye."

Her face contorted in rage so suddenly it took me by surprise. The blood rose in her face, her eyes narrowed to slits, and her lips curled to bare her teeth. "You'll regret this." She snarled before flying out of the truck and disappearing into her apartment.

_**End Note: Leave me some love (push that button dangit!) and I'll send you a teaser!**_


	21. Building A Mystery

_**A/N: I don't own anything except Sage, Michael, and the plot.**_

_**As mentioned, this story is rated M for a reason. It has adult themes, situations, and lemons. If you are not at least 18 years old, please don't read.**_

_**As always, thanks so very much to RemyKilday for pre-reading.**_

_**Heap big thanks to my Schwoogie-Muffin, HammerHips, for making me scream her name in every bathroom stall east of the Mississippi **___

Chapter 20: Building A Mystery

_You're so beautiful  
With an edge and charm  
but so careful  
When I'm in your arms  
Cause you're working  
Building a mystery  
Holding on and holding it in  
Yeah you're working  
Building a mystery  
And choosing so carefully_

-"Building A Mystery" by Sarah McLachlan

_**Jasper POV**_

The drive to Napa seemed to take forever. In fairness, had it just been Sage and I, it probably would've gone better for me; even if Alice had been with us, it would've been better.

Instead, I was forced to watch Sage and Michael huddled together in the back of the cab, each reading a book. Occasionally, he would kiss the top of her head or she'd reach up and scratch his scalp, but for the most part, they were silent and barely moved.

Had I been the casual observer, I would have probably thought the scene was sweet. Instead, with my muddled feelings for Sage as they were, I wanted to horsewhip Michael.

But I didn't.

Because that would be wrong.

And because Sage wasn't mine.

And she'd kill me for going Caveman.

He was really sweet with her and I could tell he cared, but there was this underlying sadness I couldn't put my finger on. But all of that still didn't stop me from wanting to remove his arm from around her shoulders, force him to keep his mouth off her, keep his eyes from watching her every move.

When we pulled up, Peter and Charlotte were waiting for us on the porch swing. Just like always, Sage flew out of the truck to hug Char, but this time, when she was done, Peter grabbed her in a hug and then tucked her into his side.

"That the Power Tool?" he asked me, nodding at Michael. I couldn't help but smirk at that.

"His _name_," Sage ground out. "is _Michael_." She jabbed her finger into Peter's side, forcing him to let her go and then she hopped down the steps and wrapped her arms around Michael's hips, hugging him tightly.

"That's right." Char smiled sweetly. Obviously Sage had been confiding in someone, even if it wasn't me. She stepped down off the porch and hugged Michael. "I'm Charlotte, but friends call me Char. Welcome… and please let me look at your tattoo."

Sage snickered. "Char has a tattoo addiction… looking more than getting."

Peter rolled his eyes. "I've heard nothing but plans to get a look at that fuckin' tattoo for two solid weeks. Hope it's worth the hype." He grumbled.

He smiled. "I'm sure we can find the time."

"Awesome… let's get them settled. Sage, you need to bust Diablo out and run him around a bit. I mighta… spurred him a little and he's not really happy with me."

She scowled. "Quit spurring my horse or I'll spur you and Char can forget about kids." She grabbed her bag from the truck and we followed suit.

As soon as we were inside, Peter pointed to Michael and then to the couch. "No fornication or funny business in this house."

Sage poked her head out of her room. "Peter! I stay the night at his apartment at least once a week!"

"I don't give a shit! No funny business!"

She padded back out to us. "I don't think any of it would be funny compared to that one time at the club, Schwoogie—" I grabbed her and clapped a hand over her mouth so that the rest was muffled. She tried to pry my fingers off but I kept them there.

"I have to agree with Pete… it's one thing if you're staying at Mike's, but if Emmett knew Peter and I willingly let you bunk together, he'd castrate us… and I like my nads."

I let go of her mouth and she glared between us, an eyebrow raised. I could tell she knew we were conspiring against her, but she didn't say it. "_Fine_." She sighed.

"And that means no sneaking out here or sneaking him in during the night." Peter qualified. "Because Jasper's a light sleeper so he'll hear you if you leave your room… and I sleep with a sawed-off under the bed, and I'd hate to shoot your Power Tool in the battery pack."

She glared at Peter and then I caught her give Charlotte a look. "Char, I forgot to tell you about this website I found—"

"NO MORE TOYS!" Peter yelled, eliciting giggles from the girls.

"Has he found the clitoris yet?"

Charlotte snickered. "Once. About three weeks ago. He was so proud of himself."

"And on that note, I'm going to get settled." I said.

I took an hour to settle in and rest and collect my thoughts and when I went back out, everyone was out in the large ring. Sage and Diablo were racing Char and her Arabian, Destin, around the ring. Peter and Michael were sitting on the fence watching, smiles on their faces.

"Jump him! Jump him!" Peter was yelling to Sage.

Diablo skidded to a halt in front of them just as I made it to the fence. "I haven't jumped a horse in years. I don't think now's the time to be testing whether or not he's trained. Have you even jumped him on a lead?"

Peter shrugged. "Not really. Guess I'll start." He sighed and patted Diablo's flank. "You do need to start breaking him into the English saddle. You wait too long, we'll never get him trained up enough that you can pick and choose how you want to ride."

Sage shrugged. "I'm OK with sticking with Western. English is too involved."

"Yeah, she's a cowgirl at heart." Char smirked as she skidded to stop next to Sage.

"Shame for us though." Peter sighed dramatically. "Her ass looks amazing in those ridin' breeches."

Sage smirked. "Look at it this way… you have a higher likelihood of seeing me in leather chaps." All three of us shifted uncomfortably and I could tell Pete and Michael were adjusting just as much as I was. "Yeah, that's what I thought." She stuck out her tongue and kicked Diablo into a canter.

"Well," Peter sighed. "I guess we'll get ourselves saddled up. Michael, you ever ridden?"

Michael blushed. "Once… many, many years ago… and never again. You guys go ahead. I'm fine right here." He smiled and leaned against the fence, his eyes fixed on Sage as she and Diablo kicked up a dust storm throughout the ring.

We all rode around for several hours, though Sage eventually stabled Diablo and went to shower and spend time with Michael. When we returned to the house, they were reading on the couch, Sage curled into Michael's side.

And those violent urges of mine just wouldn't go away.

Peter cleared his throat and snapped me out of my jealousy-induced haze enough that I was able to go get showered and changed. When I was done, he knocked on my door and entered before I answered.

"What do you want?" I growled as I stuffed my dirty clothes in a laundry bag.

Peter rolled his eyes and leant up against the chest of drawers, his arms crossed. "You're not helpin' yourself by gettin' riled up."

"And what's that mean?" I challenged.

He rolled his eyes again. "I _mean_ that he's not permanent. He's just here for now." He sighed and cocked his head to the side, studying me. "You've just gotta suffer through."

I snorted. "For how much longer?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Not long."

I shook my head. "A minute is too long."

Peter sighed again. "Suffer through. Don't be an ass. You'll just make her cling to him tighter."

So I suffered through dinner and Peter and Char's interrogation of Michael. Had he been dating anyone else, he'd have passed the test, but he was dating _Sage_ and he summarily failed. At least by Peter's standards, he failed as well. Charlotte was being so nice it was hard to tell if she was on my side or not.

We all went to bed fairly early. I swore I could hear Sage talking, but when I checked the couch, Michael was dead asleep, so I assumed she was simply talking in her sleep. I'd heard her mumbling for months. I remembered that it took me by surprise when she'd started because she hadn't done it prior to Christmas.

The next morning, however, she was bright-eyed as she sipped her coffee and teasingly fought over the newspaper with Michael.

My eyes narrowed though as I noticed Sage's lips were swollen and slightly bruised. She caught me looking and blinked at me innocently.

"What's the plan for the day?" I asked as I poured some coffee for myself.

"Swimming." Charlotte answered. "Maybe some Poker later."

I felt my cheeks flush. I remembered all too well what happened the last time I'd played Poker… and what had happened after. I doubted there was a chance of a repeat performance, given the current company.

When Sage left the table to go get ready, I immediately followed her and yanked her into my room.

"What?" she whisper-yelled.

I ran my thumb over her bottom lip. "What the hell were you doing last night?"

"Oh calm down, Jasper!" she huffed. "We just fooled around a little bit."

"_Fooled around_?" I demanded.

She rolled her eyes. "We made out, OK? We were bored, neither of us were tired, so I snuck out and we watched TV and made out for a while. Nothing else."

She wasn't lying. I could tell. For one thing, she was completely unabashed at being found out.

_Swift kick in the ego, right there!_

And then a thought struck me. "What were you dreaming about last night?"

She blanched. "What are you talking about?"

"You were talking in your sleep last night… you've been doing it for months."

She sighed. "It's nothing. Just… stress."

I nodded. I didn't want to fight with her, so I wasn't going to push.

Sage and Michael sat in the bed of the truck when we drove down to the lake, laughing and talking easily.

_And again with the violent urges…_

As soon as we were set up, Charlotte was bouncing on the balls of her feet, waiting for Michael to peel off his shirt and expose the rest of the tattoo. He didn't disappoint her. She immediately began tracing outlines, studying, commenting on the skill. It made Sage snicker as Charlotte essentially felt Michael up.

"Look at this! Look! It's gorgeous! And is that Saint Peter there on your shoulder? How long did it take?" the questions went on and on and on until finally…

"Baby, do you think maybe you could… I dunno… put your hands to better use?" Peter scowled at her, obviously jealous of the attention she was directing at someone other than him.

"Peter, don't be an ass." Charlotte brushed him off easily.

"I'm not!" he cried, forcing Sage to fully laugh.

"Here, how about I help with that, Petey?" she asked, moving to slide herself between Charlotte and Michael.

"Thank fuck." He grumbled. "Hey! Chicken fight?"

"No!" Sage and Charlotte yelled together.

Peter looked utterly deflated.

"I don't know Michael well enough to flash him." Charlotte explained.

"And Peter's seen mine once and that's once too many."

Michael immediately wrapped an arm around Sage's waist and pulled her back to his chest. Leaning down, he placed a quick kiss on her neck and asked, "Should I be jealous?"

She shook her head. "It was for the sake of winning… you know, _take one for the team_."

"Ah… so that's a yes." He teased, kissing her cheek.

We swam for a few hours before settling in on the dock to eat the lunch Char had packed for us. Peter gave me a wink as he passed out Hostess cupcakes and I knew he knew where it would lead.

_Weird fucker…_

I immediately waved mine at Sage and she nodded, immediately opening hers. I quickly and efficiently peeled the cupcake away from the sugared frosting and handed the topping to her. She handed me her cupcake and I repeated the process.

"You two are weird." Charlotte deadpanned as she watched us. "What the hell?"

"I don't like the frosting." I explained. "It's too sugary."

"And I don't like the cupcake. Too spongy." Sage added. "So we sorta trade up." she smiled and happily ate the disgusting frosting.

Charlotte nodded. "_Weird_."

"The worst part is that they actually have it down to a process." Peter mumbled.

I noticed that Michael's hand immediately went to Sage's bare thigh, resting lightly, but I could tell our little quirk had upset him. She was sitting between his legs, resting against his chest. He didn't need any more confirmation that she was with him. But I got under his skin. He wasn't nearly as secure as he was playing it off, not nearly as calm and collected as he was letting her believe. And when he met my eyes, he as good as told me. I simply smiled.

We continued swimming on into the afternoon and it seemed my jealousy rose with the heat. He was always touching her, holding her, and at one point, he wrapped an arm around her waist and swam backwards with her, just going along lazily. I remembered getting chastised for doing that.

To make matters worse, I was wholly aware that I had to keep my shirt on. It wasn't as if I could act like Peter and show off the muscles I worked hard to maintain, or Michael with the extensive tattoo to add shading and contouring, even though he didn't need it. The scars were too much, and I'd never pick now to be the time to tell Sage about them. It only served to make me self-conscious, though Peter kept shooting me looks as though to say _Stop thinking like that_.

I did my best to keep my cool for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening, though I almost lost my shit when we started playing Poker. Of course, instead of sitting on my lap, she was sitting on Michael's, and actively participating in the game this time.

Halfway through, Peter began pouring drinks and immediately pulled out a bottle of Mama Juana.

"No thanks, Pete." Sage called.

"You're not drinking with us?"

"I'll take a glass of wine. I don't drink hard liquor anymore… especially not Mama Juana."

Peter frowned. "Why not?"

She cut the deck as Michael shuffled and smiled. "Because the last time I had that stuff was when we went dancing… and I lost a lot of time… you know, I wasn't expecting it to pack that much of a punch." He nodded. "And Jasper still refuses to fill me in on what exactly I missed, so I figure it's just better not to drink it and then I don't have to worry about what he's hiding."

_Ah. Moneyshot!_

_ That could be a part of the reason for the Joan Collins' 'Tude._

I settled for concentrating on my beer, but it didn't escape me that Michael was giving me a long, hard look, as though trying to read my mind and discover what Sage so badly wanted to know… except he already had an idea of what it was.

We played for several hours into the night, finally stopping as Sage slumped against Michael's chest, completely zonked out.

"Here, I'll get her in bed." I sighed, tossing down my cards as Peter presented a straight.

Michael shook his head. "Thanks, Jasper, but I think I've got her."

There was so much in that one sentence, I didn't know where to begin. I heard Peter chuckling to himself, though he made it seem as though he was giddy over winning. He and I both knew what he was implying: _Mine. Not yours. Mine. She's with me now. _We stared each other down for several long minutes before Char cleared her throat.

"Michael, how about I help you out, you know? Turn down the covers and whatnot."

He nodded quietly. "Thank you, Charlotte." He adjusted Sage in his arms and lifted her easily, mindful to support her head against his shoulder. She mumbled something too low to discern and he smiled and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. "It's OK, Babe. We're getting you in bed." He murmured quietly.

I groaned. "I'm going to bed. I'm done."

"Just for the night." Peter mumbled. "Remember, he's not permanent."

I rolled my eyes. "Right." And I padded down the hall. I chanced a glance into Sage's room as I passed and saw Michael pulling the covers over her and kissing her forehead again. He whispered something I couldn't hear as I passed and then I heard him come back out into the hall. "Night." I mumbled over my shoulder at him.

"Night." He answered.

I laid in bed, but I didn't sleep. Things had gone so completely sideways in less than a year of being home, and the dormant part of my brain that harbored a crush on Sage had somehow infected and taken over the rest of my mind. Now, I was finding it nearly impossible to be simply her _friend_; I was forced to watch her with another man and the only reassurance I had was from a cocky half-wit who just _knew shit_. Peter's words, not mine.

I was _almost_ asleep, but then the screaming started.

"JAZZ! JASPER! JASPER!"

I flew out of bed and out into the hall; my first suspicion was false. Michael was scrambling off the couch, apparently taken by surprise. I forced the bedroom door open and forced myself to breathe.

Sage was thrashing uncontrollably, screaming, struggling against unknown hands. I climbed into the bed and scooped her up. "Sage, Sweetie, I'm here. I'm here! Darlin', wake up, please!"

Her eyes sprang open and recognition dawned on her face, but her breathing picked up and she was panicking, struggling. "Jazz! Jazz he's gonna get me, I have to—"

"Darlin', no! No one's gonna…" I trailed off, my brow furrowed. I glanced at Michael, suddenly suspicious, and then asked, "Who?"

The further into the waking world she came, the more she settled, and her labored breathing slowed and evened out. "R-Royce." She muttered, and then her eyes rolled back in her head and she passed out.

Michael moved to grab the phone but I shook my head. "Her breathing's fine… she's fine… maybe this is what she needs."

"How is passing out what she needs?" he murmured and I could hear a mixture of anger and hurt in his voice. I wondered idly which was connected to the fact that she'd called out for me and not him.

"It might help her process. Sage is a funny girl. She processes things differently. One minute she'll watch and listen, the next she's right in the action." I muttered quietly, stroking her hair. "I'll sit with her for a bit, make sure her breathing stays OK, and we'll go from there."

He nodded, but he was seething. "I see. And why are you the one staying with her?" he asked.

I ground my teeth so hard that my jaw cracked. "Michael, some things are not about the one she's _with_ being with her. Sometimes it's about the one who _knows _her best being with her."

_Oh, look, you can see him go red, even in the dark!_

_ Is he gonna yell?_

_ Nah._

He simply nodded, turned on his heel, and stormed back down the hall.

I leaned back against the headboard and shifted Sage so that she was lying on her side with her head on my chest. I sighed, stroked her hair, and kissed her forehead, waiting several long minutes. When I was satisfied that she had gone from passed out into sleep, I slid out from under her and left, leaving the door open a crack.

I padded out to the kitchen to find Michael leaning with his elbows on the counter, his head down, while the coffee maker hummed and popped.

"She's asleep." I sighed. He simply nodded.

"Peter and Charlotte came down to see what the commotion was about. I sent them back to bed." He said lamely.

"That was a night terror." He nodded again. "I hadn't realized she'd been having them… but shit's startin' to fall into place now that I know."

He straightened up suddenly and turned to face me. "How did _you_ not know?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked dumbly. His face was impassive, calculating, and it unnerved me.

"I mean that I've spent one, maybe two nights a week with her for the past few weeks and _I_ knew something wasn't right. So again I ask, how did _you_ not know?"

"You knew?"

He shrugged. "She's got a process in place. She hugs a pillow to her chest, buries her face in it before she falls asleep… but with two people in the bed, she doesn't really have the room she needs to curl in on herself." He sighed. "She's never screamed before… just a lot of incoherent mumbling… every now and again a word."

"What kind of words?"

He shrugged again. "_Killed… hurt… please don't_." I winced. "Normally, I just hold her and she calms down." He went on. "She's certainly never called out for you before." He spat that last bit and I knew he was hurt by it.

"I'm her Great Protector. Did you honestly think she'd yell for you after only a few months?" his expression answered that.

"What happened that night she lost time?" he asked suddenly.

I blushed. I hadn't expected that. I cleared my throat and grabbed a mug from the cabinet, turning to fill it so that he couldn't see my face. "You know the answer to that."

"No, actually, I don't. There are so many ways it could go, I can't get my head around it, so why don't you educate me?"

I sighed and turned. "We kissed." I answered. "Once." He nodded, his face impassive again. "That it?"

"Why haven't you told her?"

"Because I wanted her to remember it on her own. Are you getting a kick out of this? You've got her. Why do you need to know?" I ground out.

"Because I don't have her… not fully… not the way I want. There's this part of her that's always with you." My brow furrowed and he sighed and continued. "There are times where we sit and read, or watch a movie, and I wonder if right then, she's wishing I were you. Sometimes, when I kiss her, she tenses… usually when her fingers run over my arms because the tattoo is still relatively fresh… it's like an alarm that I'm not who I'm supposed to be." He seemed almost broken as he told me this. "But some part of her does want to be with me… otherwise she wouldn't. I know her well enough for that. And you should know… I'm selfish enough to keep her until she tells me she doesn't want me anymore."

"Why would you stay though?" my voice was hoarse.

He smirked and his eyes shown with great sadness. "You love her too. Can you honestly blame me for not wanting to give her up?"

I considered him for a long while. I truly believed he loved Sage. Yes, I could see it in how he looked at her; how he was always so caring and attentive; how he seemed to adjust as she moved, always trying to keep her close, as though he might die if he wasn't touching her. It was like watching myself with her.

For once, Michael and I had something completely in common.

_Who'd of thought?_

"No," I said finally. "I guess I can't blame you."

We both glanced at the hallway as the soft pattering of feet announced Sage's intrusion into our conversation. We both smiled as innocently as possible, given that we'd just been talking about her behind her back.

"Hey, Babe." Michael sighed. She shuffled over to him immediately, stepping into his embrace and wrapping her arms around his hips. He ran his fingers through her hair, smiling. "You ready to get up?" she shook her head. "Want me to come lay with you?" she nodded, turned, and started back toward her room with him in tow.

He cast me an apologetic look, though I could also see he was happy and relieved that she'd come for _him_. I guessed he was also happy that he'd gotten her non-verbal communication, but I knew better. She hadn't come for him for her own benefit. She felt horrible for having yelled for me and was trying to make him feel better. And I'd let her. Because I knew how he felt.

_**Sage POV**_

I felt horrible. Physically and emotionally wrecked.

My dreams had never been so vivid before, and sadly, sickeningly, I knew the reason.

They'd started the night we found out Royce had gotten parole. I'm not sure if it was Jasper's upset reaction, or his insistence that nothing would ever happen to me, or a combination of the two coupled with my own imagination, but I'd dreamed of a faceless man attacking me for months.

And then Royce showed up on our doorstep.

And suddenly the man in my dreams had a face. He was more violent. And my dreams were filled with shattering glass and Rosalie's and my screams intermingled.

Usually, I was able to wake myself up with the moaning and whimpering. I'd never screamed before, but the dreams had never been so bad before. I'd never gotten as far in the dream as I had that night, and in my panic, I'd called out for the person I knew would always protect me.

And I'd inadvertently hurt Michael's feelings in the process.

When I finally crawled out of bed and out of Michael's arms around two PM, Jasper had a fresh pot of coffee waiting for me. I sat down at the table as he poured me a cup and then he joined me.

"Talk to me, Sage." He whispered. "How long's this been going on?" I shrugged. "Don't lie to me. You know when it started."

I drew in a shuddering breath. "Around the time Royce got parole…" I murmured, glancing up just in time to catch Michael just come into view in the doorway. He quickly backed up, but I could tell he'd stopped just beyond the doorframe, lingering out of sight.

"What got to you last night?" I shrugged. "Sage…" he warned.

Tears were trickling down my cheeks. "Rose likes to talk every now and again." I muttered, turning my eyes to my coffee mug.

"Rose likes to talk about what?" The heat rose in my cheeks and he drew in a sharp breath. "Oh." I could tell he was trying to steady his breathing. "Please tell me Rose didn't give you gory details." I didn't say anything. "Sage?"

"You said not to tell you." I replied quietly, jumping slightly as his palm collided with the table.

"Jasper…" Michael warned, stepping around the corner.

"I'm fine, Michael." I murmured. "Jasper's just upset with Rosalie." I tried to smile reassuringly, but Michael was watching me carefully.

"When?" Jasper asked.

"Thursday night. While you were at work."

"How is it I didn't know about this?"

I sighed. "Because she doesn't like talking about it when you and Emmett can hear. You get upset, Emmett gets angry…" I was mumbling miserably.

"Sweetheart, why didn't you tell me?" he cried.

I cocked my head to the side. "Things haven't exactly been good between us, Jas." He grimaced. "When was I gonna tell you? Between trading jabs at each others' significant others or when we were just plain ignoring each other?"

Michael shifted uncomfortably. "Why didn't you tell me, Babe?"

I wiped my eyes. "Because it's not my story to tell, Mike." I sighed, but gave Jasper a wry smile. "We have a rule in our house. If it's not yours to tell, you keep your mouth shut."

Jasper smiled sadly and pulled me into a hug, setting me on his lap. "It's a shitty rule right about now though, Darlin'. I wish you'd at least told Michael." He muttered into my hair. I relaxed into his embrace. I'd missed this. This was part of my relationship with Jasper that nothing could ever replace. This comfort, physical and emotional, was something we'd have no matter how much we fought.

But it made me sad to see Michael's face as I settled into my comfort. Sad, almost broken, but he gave me a reassuring smile.

"I think I want to go lay back down." I murmured.

"Alright." He sighed, releasing me.

I smiled at Michael and took his hand. "Lay with me?"

He smiled back, kissing the top of my head. "Anything for you, Beautiful." He wrapped an arm around me and led me back to my room.

I crawled under the covers and he followed suit, spooning me, wrapping his arms around me protectively. Eventually, I sighed and turned in his arms, snuggling against his bare chest.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked confusedly.

"Everything… I'm a mess… and then with Jasper… I know it makes you uncomfortable."

He stiffened, but began rubbing slow circles across my back. "Babe, I'd rather watch you with Jasper nonstop than have you torture yourself in your sleep. Don't ever internalize like that again. If you can't tell me, at least tell him. You mean the world to us and if you can't talk to me, it's important that you talk to him." He kissed my hair. "Promise me, please?"

"I promise." I sighed. I kissed his chest and felt his arms tighten around me.

As I drifted off, I almost swore I heard him whisper, "I love you."

_**End Note: Leave me a review and I'll send you a teaser for the next chapter **___


	22. Everything You Want

_**A/N: I still don't own anything.**_

_**Once again, this story is rated M for adult themes and situations, and lemons. Reader beware.**_

_**Thank you and love to RemyKilday for pre-reading.**_

_**Thank you, love, and brownies (*snicker*) to HammerHips, my beautiful Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

Chapter 21: Everything You Want

_He's everything you want  
He's everything you need  
He's everything inside of you  
That you wish you could be  
He says all the right things  
At exactly the right time  
But he means nothing to you  
And you don't know why  
You're waiting for someone  
To put you together  
You're waiting for someone to push you away  
There's always another wound to discover  
There's always something more you wish he'd say_

-"Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon

_**Sage POV**_

I sat up front with Jasper on the ride home. He and Michael seemed to have come to some unspoken understanding I wasn't aware of, because they were each mindful of the other. Aside from a poke to the shoulder from Jasper or Michael's fingertips gliding through my hair occasionally, I was an island unto myself.

And it sucked.

Big time.

When we pulled into Michael's apartment complex, Jasper sighed and turned to me. "Maybe you should stay here tonight."

I cocked an eyebrow at him.

_Since when does Jasper encourage my relationship?_

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I think I need to have a talk with Rose… and I'd rather you not hear it." He tried to reassure me with a smile but it was strained and didn't meet his eyes. "Mike will take care of you."

That hollow feeling in my chest was back. It was pressing against my lungs in an attempt to cut off my breathing. "OK." I choked.

"Hey," he pulled me across the seat and into a hug. "It's OK. You did nothing wrong here." I nodded into his neck. "I do want you to promise me you'll call Carmen and set up an appointment. You haven't been back since the whole thing with Maria…"

"I will." I sighed and climbed out of the truck. "See you at school." He nodded and I stepped back, closing the door, and accepting my bag from Michael as Jasper pulled away.

"You OK?" Michael asked, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

I nodded. "Yeah. Just tired." I tried to smile, but I'm sure it came out as more of a grimace. "You know… crapstorm and all things considered."

He smiled and kissed the top of my head. "Yeah… how about we order some dinner and get to bed? Finals are next week, so we should get as much sleep as we can before the endless cramming."

"Sounds good." I sighed, following him inside.

The rest of the night, I was simply going through the motions. I barely spoke; I wasn't all that hungry, though I forced down half a Caesar salad just to make the attempt; and when we finally went to bed, I kissed Michael once, rolled over, and went to sleep. I knew it hurt his feelings, but I just felt too emotionally drained to give more at the moment.

I woke up somewhere around two AM and just laid there. It wasn't as if I actually had anything better to do. A slight movement let me know that Michael was also awake and a moment later, his arm snaking around my waist let me know he knew I was awake too.

"Where are you right now?" he asked.

"In bed." I mumbled into my pillow.

He sighed. "I mean mentally."

I shrugged. "All over the place. Right now I'm trying to take a vacation in _Don't Give A Fuck-Land_."

He chuckled. "How's that working for you?"

"Not so hot."

Michael kissed my shoulder and nuzzled my neck. "Come back here and be with me." I didn't say anything. "We have cookies… and Hostess cupcakes without the actual cupcake." I smirked and rolled my eyes. "Hey… come back to me."

I sighed and rolled to face him. "I'm here."

He shook his head. "No. You're not." he kissed me tenderly, then traced my lower lip with his thumb. "You're with Jasper tonight."

My eyes widened and his mimicked mine. He obviously hadn't meant for that to be spoken aloud.

"I can't believe you just said that to me." I deadpanned, rolling over and right out of bed.

"Babe, no! Come on, I didn't mean that." He cried, following me.

I was shaking all over in anger; I actually _hadn't_ been thinking about Jasper. Probably the one night I'd spent with Michael that I hadn't gut-wrenched over the problems in my friendship with Jasper, and _now_ was the time he chose to accuse me of it. I'd been worrying about going back to therapy, about having to relive the night I killed Royce… and Maria… and what it could all possibly mean about me. But I was _not_ thinking about Jasper.

I grabbed my jeans and T-shirt, shut myself in the bathroom, and pulled them on quickly. When I was done, I balled up my pajamas and exited the bathroom. Michael was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. I ignored him and shoved the clothes in my bag before beginning a search for my shoes.

"Are you actually going to talk to me? Or are you just going to leave?" he finally asked. I dove under the bed for my right shoe, refusing to answer him. "Either you're upset because I'm wrong, or you're indignant because I'm right. You not answering me only reaffirms the latter."

That struck a nerve and I crawled out from under the bed, glaring at him. "I don't have to explain myself to you, Michael. If you're going to be constantly insecure—"

"Can you honestly blame me?" he snapped. His voice was still level, only the tone had changed, but it was enough to stop me in my tracks. He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. "You and Jasper have your own little world… your own little club, and there's no way for any outsider to break through. Half the time, you don't even realize you're doing it."

"Doing what?"

"Pushing others away." He finally met my eyes.

I took a deep breath. "I haven't pushed you away." It was lame, my heart wasn't in it.

"You have… and then you pull me back. Like you can't decide." He grimaced and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "But even when you're not pushing me away, I still can't get into your head." He shook his head. "I didn't even know you hated those stupid cupcakes." I frowned as he said that.

_Please tell me this is not about a Goddamn snack food._

"You know, the entire time I've known you, you've never once mentioned you play guitar." My eyes widened. That was a pretty big omission. "I overheard Jasper telling Peter he'd wanted to buy you a custom guitar for your birthday, but you wouldn't let him." He explained. "You never once mentioned it, but the way Jasper talked about it… your music must be a big part of your life and you never _told_ me about it." I shifted uncomfortably. "So tell me, why shouldn't I think that your mind is with someone else, when I didn't know something trivial and something really important about you?"

"It never came up." I mumbled.

_Weak._

_ Lame._

_ Moron._

"Why did it need to come up? You couldn't just tell me you play?"

I sighed, shrugged, and sat down on the bed, several feet from him. "I don't know, OK? Maybe…" I picked at nonexistent lint on the bedspread. "Maybe it's because music has just always been my thing with Jasper. It's what bonded us together initially… it's always been the one thing we could fall back on when we couldn't speak."

He inhaled sharply. "I see."

"It's just something we share… something that's just ours." He nodded. "What? Michael, speak!"

He shrugged. "What do you want me to say?" he finally cocked his head to look at me. "I mean… do you have any idea how hard it is on a normal basis to know that Jasper could easily take you away from me?" I started to protest, but he held up a hand. "Let me finish. I have always known that if I were to in any way threaten your friendship with Jasper, I'd be done. That's why I've done my best to not make waves with him, to get along with him, to not display my jealousy… and believe me, there is _a lot_ of jealousy." He sighed. "But it was a whole other ball of wax this weekend, seeing you together, seeing how you interact… how willingly you fall into his arms, how easily you relax into his embrace…" he shook his head. "And I know that for you, it was innocent, and normal, and comforting, and safe. I know that. From the outsider's perspective, I know that. But from the boyfriend's perspective? I would've rather died than watch, but I knew you needed him."

_Breathe._

_In._

_ Out._

_ In._

_ Out._

"Why are you just now bringing it up?" I whispered.

"Because I figure that if I'm already going to hell for thinking you're mentally with Jasper, I might as well explain _why_." He reached out and touched my back, smiling when I didn't recoil. He ran his hand up and over my shoulder, gently tugging. "Babe, please…" I let him pull me onto his lap. "If you're going to be with me, I need you to be _with_ me." He murmured, cupping my neck and brushing his lips against mine. "Not just physically, but mentally. I need you here with me."

I inhaled deeply and, nodding slightly, I whispered, "I'm here."

We simply went back to bed. There was no more conversation.

In the back of my mind, I kept wondering if there was anything actually left to say.

_That's not true and you know it._

Michael was warm and caring and sweet; he was intelligent and funny and charming. And there was a part of me that smiled every time I was with him. But I wasn't sure if it was enough. It was sad, because I knew he already cared so much for me, and I _wanted_ to feel the same. Had things not been so screwed up almost from the beginning, I might have even considered the concept of _love_.

But things were screwed up. _I_ was screwed up. I'd been a seeping bag of endless _Fucked Up_ since I'd killed Maria. There were no two ways around that. Jasper saw it. Emmett saw it, but of course, fucked me up further by trying to "help". I couldn't blame him for trying, but there was that nagging bit in the back of my brain, buzzing that he wasn't _asking_ what I needed, but _telling_.

Jasper had been occupied, and like a good friend, I'd stepped out of the way of the festering, steamrolling boil that was Alice.

And now I had Michael.

And he _wanted_ to help. He _asked_ what I needed. The only things he _told_ me were that he wanted to be with me, wanted to take me to Chicago to meet his parents, wanted to go to Lompoc with me someday and meet my dad. He was considering altering his post-graduate plans to stay near me until I graduated.

That was something, right? That said something.

I knew in my heart of hearts that Michael would never hurt me. He was possibly the most gentle soul I knew. And I was squandering it by being out of my head when I should've been with him.

I sighed and rolled over, surprised that I hadn't realized Michael had been spooning me. I kissed his chest and smiled as his breathing changed.

"What time is it?" he grumbled.

I glanced at the clock on the dresser. "Seven." I murmured.

He groaned. "I feel like I haven't slept at all."

"That happens when you've been emotionally drained." I mumbled. "It sucks the energy right out of you."

"Well, that's certainly not my preferred method." He sighed and I immediately felt the blood rise to my cheeks. "That's not what I meant." He chastised, knowing exactly what I'd been thinking without even looking at me.

"I know." I lied. It was much easier to lie to him. That couldn't be a good thing.

He scooted down until we were face-to-face, watching me carefully. I met his gaze evenly, intently. Finally, he gave a small smile and said, "No you don't."

_What? He's proud of himself for knowing that?_

_ Of course he is. It's something only Jasper can do… now he can too._

"It's OK that you're not ready." He murmured quietly. I shot him a skeptical look and he smirked. "It's not _ideal_, but I get it. I'm fine with it." Something in my face must've told him I didn't believe him because he sighed. "Sage, I've been with exactly one person. It was nice, I enjoyed it. But it's not the End-All, Be-All of a relationship. When you love someone, you care enough to go at their pace." At first, my heart leapt, but then I froze, muscles coiled to spring at any moment, and his eyes widened as he realized it was a misstep.

_Oh fuck._

_ He didn't._

_ He did._

_ Jesus!_

_ Say something!_

My mouth was dry, my throat on fire, and my mind was completely numb. What the hell do you say to that if you can't say it back? _Thank you_ seems highly inappropriate.

He gave me a tight smile. "It's OK."

_No it's not._

_ But he wants it to be. He's mentally willing it to be OK._

I took a deep breath. "Michael, it's not that I—"

He shook his head. "I said it's OK. Things are pretty messed up. It's OK that you haven't been thinking in those terms and it's OK if you're not ready to. I didn't say it with the expectation you'd say it back."

His face said otherwise. His eyes were practically begging me to say it, but I just couldn't. I couldn't outright lie like that to him. I cared too much to lie about that. It wasn't right to. But my heart was aching because I _wanted_ to say it and mean it. I didn't want to hurt him. Ever.

I bit my lip, still trying to think of something to say, but the words wouldn't come. Finally, I sighed and kissed him softly. "Thank you." I whispered. It wasn't what I wanted to say and it certainly wasn't what he needed to hear. It still felt inappropriate to say it, but it was the best I could come up with.

Apparently love makes people stupid on many levels. Not just when they feel it, but when they don't.

_Wonderful._

_ I'm the Village Idiot._

_**Jasper POV**_

Rosalie and I yelled and screamed at each other most of the night.

That wasn't entirely true. Rosalie yelled and screamed. I told her she needed to go to therapy and not use Sage as a sounding board for horror stories.

It didn't go well.

_But_…

Emmett backed me up.

He slept on the couch.

By the time I finally stormed off to my room, it was four in the morning and I knew I wouldn't be going to class, but I would at least have to pick Sage up. I shot her a text around eight to let her know not to expect to see me beforehand. She shot one straight back.

_**Pick me up at 10. Plz.**_

_The hell?_

I texted back, knowing she and Michael should just be pulling into campus.

_**Everything OK, Sweetheart?**_

My gut was telling me Michael had done nothing to harm her, but my heart was pounding in my chest nonetheless. She wouldn't text-beg to be picked up a full hour before my class would end if something weren't amiss. She'd be in the Editor's Office with Michael. She wouldn't trade up that time for just anything.

_**Yes and no. Just pick me up at 10 plz.**_

My brow furrowed. Now I was really worried.

_**OK.**_

I sighed and got up.

_So much for sleep._

There was no way I'd be able to fall back to sleep with whatever was wrong with Sage buzzing in my head.

When I exited the parking garage, Sage was sitting on a bench waiting for me. She was white as a sheet, but otherwise appeared unharmed. When she saw me, she immediately stood and practically ran to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. I chanced a glance up to the window I knew to be Michael's office and found him staring down at us, watching me escort her into the garage. He looked a cross between humiliated and dejected.

_Maybe _re_jected…_

"Sage?" I asked again as we neared the truck. I opened the door for her and she climbed in, immediately scooting to the middle. I climbed in behind the wheel, got us out of the parking spot, and immediately put my arm around her. "Are you processing, or just not talking?" she turned her face into my neck. "Processing it is."

When we got home, I followed her in and down the stairs. She bypassed her room completely and went straight to mine, dropping her bag at the foot of my bed, toeing off her shoes, and climbing straight into the middle of my bed.

I sighed. "Alright. Spill it."

She groaned and turned her face toward the wall. "Michael said he loves me."

_OK. I'm lost._

"That's a good thing, right?" she groaned again, grabbed my pillow, and covered her head with it. "Sage, none of that." I sat down next to her and yanked the pillow away. "OK… so he said he loves you. So what?"

"_So_ I didn't say it _back_."

_Color me happy._

_ Not happy for him._

"OK…" I prompted and she groaned again. "Sage, what? I'm not following? Did you break up? Did he fly off the handle? Did he sing opera? What?"

She sighed and rolled over. "He said he _understood_."

I frowned.

_Unexpected._

_ We'll go with it though._

"OK…" I said again. "Were you wanting a different reaction?"

Sage groaned and made a grab for the other pillow, but I pulled it away and tossed it on the floor. She sighed and sat up. "No. I _wanted_ to say it back."

_Ow._

_ I think my balls just fell off._

"OK, so why didn't you?"

The color rose in her cheeks so fast I blinked and nearly missed it. "Because I didn't want to lie to him." She replied in a monotone. Her brow furrowed and she flopped back on the bed. "I don't know why I don't! He's a good guy! He's good-looking and sweet and caring and… GOD! Why the hell can't I just love him?" she yelled.

_Sadly, I feel both better and worse…_

"Maybe you just need more time." I answered. Why? I have no clue. My brain was screaming at me to steer her away from him, but I knew it wasn't right to.

She sighed. "Maybe… I guess it's something else to bring up with Carmen tomorrow."

I nodded. "What time's your appointment? Or is Michael taking you?"

Her arms and chest went red with that question. "It's at three… and I need you to take me… I sort of told Michael my appointment was right after my class today…"

"Why?" I asked, suddenly defensive on his behalf.

"I panicked, alright?" she cried. "One minute we were laying in bed discussing how it's OK with him that we're _not_ having sex and the next thing he's admitting he loves me! I panicked!"

I held up a hand. "So what's your excuse when you're not with him tomorrow after class?"

"Tomorrow's Wednesday. We're always off campus by two." She replied, then sighed. "I hate the fact that I lied to him." She whispered.

"Well, it is pretty shitty." I admitted.

She shook her head. "You know what's sad? It's _easy_ to lie to him. He's getting better at reading me, but it's _easy_. When I try to fib you, I almost always choke or my voice cracks or something… there's always a tell. Not with him. With him, it's as easy as breathing." She groaned and rolled over, grabbed the quilt and covered her head with it, since there were no more pillows. "Loving him should be as easy as breathing, not _lying_ to him!" she must have been yelling, because even with the muffling, I got every word loud and clear. Her phone dinged and she groaned again, rolled over, and bunched the quilt around her ears.

I sighed, slid the phone from her bag, and took it upstairs with me. When I opened the text message, I instantly felt worse.

_**Babe, please tell me everything's OK.**_

I pulled out my own phone, plugged Michael's number into a text and typed out:

_**M- She's processing. Give her time. I think she's caught off-guard and confused. –J**_

I debated with myself for several long minutes before finally hitting _Send_. His response was almost immediate.

_**She told you?**_

_Well, he obviously hasn't been paying attention…_

_**Night terrors and deeply scary shit aside, there isn't much we don't share with each other.**_

_**Great.**_

I grimaced.

_**She's upset. She needs a sounding board**__. _

His next response took longer.

_**It's funny that we had a conversation last night about not being with you mentally when she's with me physically… and the first thing she does is run to you.**_

OK, that was aggravating.

_**Would you prefer she run away from you entirely? She has a process. Let her work her process.**_

_**She can't work her process with me?**_

I sighed. He was hurt, and I got that, but I knew deep down I was the only one who would ever truly understand Sage.

_**You're the subject. She's locked herself in her room for days to work her process over shit that has to do with me. It's her thing. **_

His reply startled me.

_**She doesn't love me, does she?**_

He could read Sage better than she realized, but I couldn't get involved in _this_ part.

_**She hasn't said.**_

_**You know her better than anyone.**_

_**This isn't a conversation I would choose to have. With EITHER of you. She'll work it out. And then she'll come to you.**_

I turned both phones off and placed them on the counter before making my way to the stove, filling the kettle, and putting it back, flipping the burner on. I yanked down a mug and rummaged around in a cupboard for Sage's favorite tea. _Berries_.

I smiled. Sage always smelled like fresh berries, so it just figured she'd love a tea with berries. When it was ready, I took it back downstairs to her.

She was still laying on my bed with the quilt bunched over her head. I sat down and squeezed her calf.

Slowly, she removed the quilt and looked over her shoulder at me, her hair a mess and sticking out at odd angles. I held up the mug and she smiled.

"Where's my phone?" she asked hoarsely. She'd been dry-sobbing while I'd been gone.

"Upstairs. I figured you could use some quiet." I replied, setting the mug on the bedside table.

She sighed and rolled over. "He's going to hate me when this is done and over." She whispered.

I shook my head. "Darlin', no one in their right mind could hate you. But I do think you should consider the possibility that you're just not in the right frame of mind right now."

_What the hell am I saying? What the fuck?_

_I've lost my fuckin' mind!_

"Seriously?"

"Yes." I swallowed the acid that rose in my throat. "I think maybe you should talk to Carmen… take a few days…"

_Or months… or years… forever…_

She sighed and sat up, her jaw squared. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and asked what I'd known she'd been too scared to ask for months. "Do you ever forget?"

I gave her a tight smile. "No." I replied flatly. Her shoulders slumped. "But it gets easier to live with."

Sage grabbed my left hand and twisted my wrist around to look at the tallies on the inside of my arm. She ran her fingers over them lightly, frowning. "You did this to memorialize them… help yourself heal."

"Yes." I whispered.

She inhaled sharply. "I need you to give me a ride."

_**End Note: You like? Dislike? Let me know and I'll send you a teaser!**_


	23. Because The Night

_**A/N: Nope. No ownage.**_

_**As always, this story is rated M for mature themes, situations, and lemons. No one under 18 should be reading this story.**_

_**Love to RemyKilday, the best damn pre-reader there is.**_

_**I worship at the altar of HammerHips' ass. She is my Schwoogie-Muffin, despite the fact that I cannot seem to convince her that Michael is not sleeping with Alice. She keeps hoping he'll end up gutted. She's strange. *pats Schwoogie-Muffin's head***_

Chapter 22: Because The Night

_Take me now, baby, here as I am  
Hold me close, and try and understand  
Desire is hunger is the fire I breathe  
Love is a banquet on which we feed  
Come on now, try and understand  
The way I feel when I'm in your hand  
Take my hand, come under cover  
They can't hurt you now can't hurt  
you now, can't hurt you now_

-"Because The Night" by Cascada

_**Jasper POV**_

I sighed and stroked Sage's hair. "You're sure about this?" she nodded. "Positive?"

"Yes. Stop asking or you'll freak me out and I'll change my mind." She mumbled as the tattoo artist prepared the ink and needle.

"But on the back of your shoulder?"

She rolled her eyes. "Tell me you get the symbolism, Jazz."

I gave her a small smile. "Yeah. I do." I grabbed her hand as she rested her stomach against the back of the chair and she squeezed my fingers.

In reality it was done very quickly. It was only two small lines, less than half an inch long. It was her face scrunched up in pain as he guided the needle over the bone that made it seem like it took hours. I hated seeing Sage in pain, but she needed this.

When it was over, I inspected it for her and then the guy bandaged it for her with strict instructions to leave it covered for at least four hours and to put A&D ointment on it.

As we walked back into the house, she sighed and stared at her phone where we'd left it on the counter.

"You afraid he's been calling nonstop?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Kind of afraid he hasn't."

I flushed guiltily at that. If he hadn't been calling, it was probably my fault. "You could… call him yourself.

She sighed. "I don't think I'm ready for that…" she grabbed her phone though and turned it on. It buzzed and she smiled tightly when she saw that he'd at least been sending her messages. She quickly tapped out a message, sent it, and put the phone back down. "Jas, did you ever get therapy? After the… incident?"

I smirked at her phrasing and guided her to the couch to sit. "It's required. Psychiatric Evaluations are big with the military, Sweetie."

"What'd you say?"

I shook my head. "Darlin', I can't tell you what to think or say or feel on the matter. Those are all your own, and I can't fix them for you." She nodded and leaned back into the cushions. "You need to remember that it isn't your fault. Not Maria. Not Royce." I stated firmly. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and began chewing it. "It's not gonna be easy, so don't take my meaning as that. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna be draining. But you _will _get past this." I assured her. I sighed and stood to retrieve my own phone, turned it on, and grimaced as the message _32 Messages_ flashed across the screen, closely followed by _200 Text Messages_. "Well, I think I'm gonna go take a nap, if that's OK with you." She nodded. "You wanna come with?"

"No. I think I just want to sit… think…" she mumbled.

I nodded. "OK." I wandered down to my room, flipping through the texts. Only a handful were from Michael. The rest were from a number I immediately recognized as Alice. I didn't particularly want to read them.

_**Sage POV**_

When I took the bandage off my shoulder and looked in the mirror, I was surprised to see hardly any blood. Not that I would have truly noticed, it blended together so well with the fresh red ink. Two tally marks for two deaths at my hands; on the back of my right shoulder as the fresh start I needed to put them behind me.

Michael wasn't waiting for me after class the next day. He'd sent me a text to tell me he'd be in his office, but that was it. I'd waited for Jasper on the same bench as the day before, carefully avoiding looking up at Michael's office window. I couldn't look at him. I was afraid of what I might feel or not feel if I saw him.

Jasper was several minutes early and it relieved me to be able to get off campus that much sooner. He, however, had no qualms looking up at Michael's window and confirmed he was watching me, waiting for me.

That hollow feeling in my chest was beginning to suffocate me.

When Jasper dropped me off at Carmen's building, she was waiting for me, and led me straight into her private office. She sat down in her chair and I took my seat on the couch.

"Long time, no see." She smiled easily, trying to break the ice. I simply nodded. "Alright, Sage, what's on your mind?"

I sighed. "Maybe I should start with the one guaranteed to have a faster fix." I mumbled.

"Why?"

"Because the other is going to take a hell of a lot more than an hour." She cocked an eyebrow at me and wrote something on her notepad. I had to admire her, she didn't need to look down to write. I sighed again and began telling her about Michael. Everything from how we'd met when he'd read an article I'd turned in because my Professor was blown away, how he'd sought me out, pursued me, how I wanted to care more than I did, culminating in the previous day's revelation.

She nodded through it all, taking notes. "So what's the hang up?"

"I don't know!" I cried in frustration. "I _want_ to love him… but maybe I'm not capable." I whispered the last part. It had just popped into my head and it was a frightening thought to me.

"Why would you say that?"

I shrugged. "I don't know… I mean… I love my dad and my brother… but that's… different. That's family."

"Do you love Rosalie?"

"Not really." I whispered, eyes downcast. "I mean… I'm starting to like her more, but love? I wouldn't take a bullet for her or anything."

_But I shot someone for her._

_That was kinda for me too…_

"Do you love Jasper?"

I had to think long and hard about that. I wasn't sure what I felt for Jasper. There was that strong, almost suffocating bond of friendship we had; that thing that distance and time couldn't fray. But did I love him?

"I don't know." I answered.

"Tell me what you like about Michael."

I blinked several times, thinking. "He's… funny and sweet and caring… he's smart… we can talk for hours or just sit in silence… I'm comfortable with him."

She made a few notes and then asked, "Is there anything you like, but wouldn't necessarily describe as _like_?"

"Maybe… I guess…" I huffed and shifted uncomfortably. "He… he cares about me in a way no one else ever has… and he shows me every day. I _like_ that he's open with me, that he trusts me with that part of himself. He puts himself out there every day and the concept of it scares the shit out of me."

She nodded again and made a few notes. "Sage, I want you to do something for me." I nodded glumly. Therapy Homework always sucked. "I want you to use what you just told me as a jumping off point with Michael. Do what he does, even if it's only a small part of yourself. Put yourself out there and let him see you. You may be surprised."

_Oh what the fuck?_

_I think I'd rather have the "Are You Ashamed of Me" conversation with Emmett all over again. And I REALLY hated that conversation._

"OK."

It took me another two days to figure out how I could possibly open myself up to Michael more. I texted him in the morning to say hello and in the evening to say goodnight each of those days, but other than that, I was incommunicado… at least from his perspective. He texted to tell me he was thinking of me and to ask how I was, but I never replied. I was too afraid of getting sucked in before I was prepared.

Finally, on Friday night, I wandered into Jasper's room and sighed, "Can I borrow the truck for the night?"

He raised an eyebrow at me over his Trigonometry book. "Of course… mind if I ask why?"

I groaned. "I'm gonna ask Michael if I can go over… but I need an escape plan in place."

He smirked at me. "This that Therapy Homework you were bitching about?"

I blushed. "Sort of."

Jasper tossed me the keys and I caught them easily. "Drive safe. Text me when you get there, and if you're leaving." I nodded. "Be safe…" I rolled my eyes. "Hey, it never hurts to—"

"Jas, I can't even conceive of that right now." I whined.

"Alright." He laughed. "Just sayin'."

I nodded and beat a hasty retreat back to my room, snatching up my phone. I figured I'd start slow, approach with caution, so I sent a tentative text.

_**Mike?**_

His response was almost immediate.

_**Hey. What's up?**_

I sighed and steeled myself.

_**Can I come over?**_

There was a long pause. I couldn't tell if he was thinking, debating, or ignoring, but he finally came back with:

_**Of course.**_

I sighed in relief.

_**I'll be there in 20.**_

I grabbed the bag I'd packed on the off-chance he'd agreed and then stopped to consider what I was about to do. There wasn't really any other way I could think of to open myself up to Michael than what I was about to do… and I already felt exposed… anxious… vulnerable.

_Is this how he feels every day?_

I picked up the case in the corner and walked out and up the stairs, out the front door, and climbed into Jasper's truck. I'd leave the bag in the truck to start. When I was done, he might not want me to stay. What I was about to do was making me anxious enough without the fear of rejection.

By the time I pulled into Michael's apartment complex, every nerve in my body felt raw and agitated. I was shaking and twitching and I had no idea if I was doing the right thing or if I should cut and run. Carmen had asked me to do this, to expose myself to see what I would feel. I needed to do this. How else would I know?

_I'm nauseous._

_ Oh God, please don't let me throw up._

I heaved a sigh and got out of the truck, pulling the case along and then throwing it over my shoulder by the lime green strap. I walked up the three flights of stairs as slowly as if I were headed for my own execution, stopping at the top to collect myself.

Michael would've seen me pull in through the sliding glass door that opened onto the balcony. I needed to move or he'd think I was fucking with his head.

_Left foot._

_ Right foot._

_ Left foot._

_ Fuck off._

I made it to his door and knocked softly. Part of me was hoping he wouldn't hear it and I could use the excuse that he hadn't answered the door.

_Fucking coward._

_ Jasper would be kicking my ass about now… because I'd kick his ass if he were acting like this._

_ Can we leave Jasper out of this? Please?_

Michael opened the door a moment later, his eyes wide with concern, but he gave me a shy smile. "Hi." He whispered.

"Hi." I answered, shifting the case on my back. His eyes fell to it immediately and I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. He moved aside and motioned for me to come in, so I walked straight in and into the living room before taking a deep breath and turning around.

He had closed the door and followed me, stopping several feet away, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, just… watching. We were quiet for several minutes while I breathed and tried my best to keep calm.

"My…" I started. "My therapist… thinks I'm not vulnerable with you… and that I should try to be." He cocked his head to the side, listening. "I'm not sure I know how to be… except… with this." I set the case down. "But if you don't want me to—"

"I do." He cut me off, moving to sit on the couch. "I do want you to."

I nodded, still shaking slightly as I sat down on the opposite end of the couch, set the case on the floor, and opened it. I pulled out my trusty old Gibson, weathered and worn, but still polished in places, and tuned it carefully by ear. I'd never done well with pitch tuners, the sounds emitted always gave me a headache and Jasper swore I heard nonexistent sounds after trying to use one. I set it across my lap, pulled the pink pick from where I kept it under the strings at the top of the fingerboard, and put the strap around my neck and over one shoulder.

Michael was already smiling as though I'd given him the Golden Ticket, but it only served to make me more anxious.

"Stop that." I chastised, biting the pick to hold it as I lightly strummed to ensure the guitar was tuned.

"Stop what?" he asked, frowning slightly.

"Stop looking at me like that. I'm nervous. I don't do this every day. This could be an epic fail on my part and I don't want to disappoint."

He smirked. "You're here. That's all I need." His face became more serious. "You don't have to—"

I shook my head. "One thing about Therapy Homework is that if you don't do it, your Therapist just makes it worse for you in the long run." I sighed. "And Carmen is excellent at that." He smiled at that and I took a deep breath. "I have no idea what to play." I couldn't help but laugh at myself. "I've been angsting over this for days and I have no idea what to play."

He shrugged. "Play whatever comes to mind." He encouraged, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped.

"Easier said than done." I mumbled, rolling my eyes. I took a deep breath and strummed one more time before taking the pick from my teeth and swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat. Sarah McLachlan always came to mind when I needed to calm down. That was sad. But he'd said to play whatever came to mind.

I began slowly, playing the intro to _Building A Mystery_. I hadn't actually planned to sing… I didn't sing when I played by myself. I sang when I played with Jasper. But the words came, unbidden, before I could stop myself.

"_You come out at night  
That's when the energy comes  
And the dark side's light  
And the vampires roam  
You strut your rasta wear  
And your suicide poem  
And a cross from a faith that died  
Before Jesus came  
You're building a mystery_

You live in a church  
Where you sleep with voodoo dolls  
And you won't give up the search  
For the ghosts in the halls  
You wear sandals in the snow  
And a smile that won't wash away  
Can you look out the window  
Without your shadow getting in the way?

You're so beautiful  
With an edge and charm  
but so careful  
When I'm in your arms

Cause you're working  
Building a mystery  
Holding on and holding it in  
Yeah you're working  
Building a mystery  
And choosing so carefully

You woke up screaming aloud  
A prayer from your secret god  
You feed off our fears  
And hold back your tears, oh  
Give us a tantrum  
And a know it all grin  
Just when we need one  
When the evening's thin

You're a beautiful  
A beautiful fucked up man  
You're setting up your  
Razor wire shrine

Cause you're working  
Building a mystery  
Holding on and holding it in  
Yeah you're working  
Building a mystery  
And choosing so carefully

Ooh you're working  
Building a mystery  
Holding on and holding it in  
Yeah you're working  
Building a mystery  
And choosing so carefully

Yeah you're working  
Building a mystery  
Holding on and holding it in  
Yeah you're working  
Building a mystery  
And choosing so carefully

You're building a mystery"

My vision had tunneled as I sang, it always did, and I was lost to the music, focusing solely on the work of my fingers, the air in my lungs, the sound of my own voice. As I played the final note, the room came swimming back into sight.

Michael was resting his chin on his clasped hands, his eyes boring into me. My right arm went limp, falling to my side and I dropped the pick into the guitar case. That seemed to bring him out of his thoughts, because he gently moved the strap from over my shoulder and took the guitar from me, gingerly placing it in the case.

"That was beautiful." He murmured. I shrugged. I was shaking again, nerves on fire as though someone had taken sandpaper to them. He took my hand and pulled me up and into his lap, wrapping his arms around me. "Thank you. That was amazing."

"No it wasn't." the heat was rising in my cheeks and I couldn't stop it.

Michael shook his head, smiling. "I saw you… the _real_ you for the very first time… unguarded, in your element… and it was amazing." He cupped my neck and pressed his forehead to mine. "You are amazing." He whispered. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply as his fingers traced the line of my jaw, the curve of my lower lip, and then he was kissing me. Slow, gentle, but there was a fire burning in my chest that hadn't been there before.

_Abort!_

_ Abort!_

_ Right… and face the Wrath of Carmen? Fuck that._

I inhaled sharply as he broke away to trail kisses across my jaw and down to my neck, pulling me closer as he captured my lips again.

_Too much! Too much!_

_ Not enough!_

_ Don't do this. Don't go too far…_

And that was it. My brain engaged again and the hormones ebbed and I pulled away slightly, a firm hand on his chest to keep a reasonable space between us. "Michael," his name was just a whisper, I couldn't say it any louder with the fire in my chest. "I don't know if what I feel is love." It was lame, but I needed to say it.

"But you feel something?" he asked quietly, his eyes staring intently into mine.

I nodded slowly, scared. "You know I do."

He squared his jaw and nodded. "That's all I need to know then. That'll do." He took my hand from his chest and brought it to his lips, kissing my palm. "It's good enough for now. To know that you feel something, even if you don't know what it is." He chuckled to himself. "The past few days, I've been scared you felt nothing… so _something_ is definitely a step up."

My breath caught in my chest and tears sprang to my eyes before I could squash them. "I am sorry… about this week… everything… I—"

"Shhh…" he silenced me with a kiss. When we broke apart again, he sighed. "I'm not going to say it didn't hurt… but I'm also not going to say I don't understand. I came into your life when things were messed up… and you weren't prepared for me. I wasn't prepared for you either. So it's OK." He kissed me tenderly. "The only thing I need to know is that you want to be with me." I smiled and hugged him, kissing his neck as I rested my head on his shoulder. "I… guess you're not staying tonight though."

_Oops._

_ Didn't think he'd want me to stay…_

_ So of course I didn't consider what my showing up without a bag would indicate._

"Actually… my bag's in the truck." I murmured into his neck. I lifted my head and smiled sheepishly. "I didn't want to assume that you'd want me to stay… in case you didn't."

He gave me a true, genuine smile. "I want you to stay." His hands found my hips and lifted me to stand. "I want you to come lay with me." And there was fire in the nerves again like someone had lit a fuse. "Just lay with me." He pleaded. "Be here, in the moment, with me."

_This can't be good._

_ He's somehow managed to find a way to make me want to say yes._

_ Oh, not good._

I nodded dumbly and followed him into the bedroom. The sheets were nearly in knots and Michael immediately moved to smooth them out.

"You haven't been sleeping well." I'd meant it as a question, but as some part of my brain already knew the answer, it hadn't allowed my mouth to form it as one.

"Uh… no." he admitted shyly, shoving his hands back into his pockets. "No… it turns out a lot of things don't go well when you're not around." I frowned at that, noticing for the first time the dark shadows under his bright blue eyes.

I immediately crossed to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "I'm sorry." I whispered into his chest, burying my face in his gray button-down.

"It's OK."

"No, it's not." I sighed, suddenly hating the soft cotton between us.

_Oh Jesus, am I seriously going to do this?_

_ It doesn't have to go any further than I want it to._

I reached up and hesitantly began unbuttoning his shirt, slowly, button by button, until he eventually lifted his arms and took over for me. He pulled the shirt off, followed quickly by his white undershirt, before sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling me to stand between his legs.

He bit his lip, his eyes squinting, as he debated whether or not I would allow him to do what I knew he wanted to do. Finally, he inhaled sharply and said, "I want to feel you against me." All I could do was nod and lift my arms up, allowing him to remove the blousy red top I was wearing.

Suddenly hit with shyness, I was immediately glad I chose a black shelf bra for the day, offering more coverage than the lacy alternative I'd almost picked. Michael seemed to realize we'd reached my limit, because he pulled me to him, kissed the tops of my breasts, and moved upward to my collarbones while his hands snaked up my back to press his palms into my shoulders and hold me close.

I hissed immediately as the heel of his hand put pressure on my right shoulder and I instantly stepped back before I could stop myself.

"What?" he asked, panicked. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" he trailed off as his hands began sliding down again and his fingertips registered the raised skin. He frowned and turned me slowly before sitting me on the edge of the bed between his legs. I heard his sharp intake of breath and then his hand found my thigh, squeezing gently. "What's this?"

My mouth had gone dry. I'd all but forgotten he didn't know I'd gone out and inked myself while I was an emotional and social wasteland. "Uh…" I swallowed. "Tally marks."

He placed his chin on my shoulder and spoke in a slow, measured voice. "I can see that… Why?" my face fell and I flushed in embarrassment. I knew where his mind had gone. He'd seen Jasper's tallies, though he had no idea what they meant. And as if on cue, he asked, "Because of Jasper?"

"No." I replied firmly, then sighed. "OK, the _idea_ came from Jasper. He's not the reason I did it." I turned slightly so that I could look at him and his eyes were begging me to explain. "I'm going to carry Maria and Royce with me forever… this is just my way of acknowledging… so I can put it behind me."

He nodded. "Whose idea was it?"

"Mine… but does it matter?"

"I believe it does." He gave me a small, sad smile. "But as long as it was your idea, then OK. It's nice… it's red…" he frowned. "Have you been putting anything on it? It's looking dry." And without waiting for an answer, he leaned over to his bedside table, opened the drawer, and pulled out a tube of A&D. He popped the cap, put a small dot on his forefinger, and smoothed it over the ink before kissing my shoulder.

"Thanks." I whispered. He simply smiled and kissed my shoulder again. "It was a split-second decision." I told him quietly. Before I could stop myself, I was tracing the cross inked into his chest at the left shoulder.

He sighed. "Not like this, obviously."

I shook my head, smiling. "No… definitely not like yours."

"What about this?" he asked, his fingertips brushing lightly against my ribs, making me shiver against him.

"That was… about two years of planning and research… to make sure I had it exactly right." I answered breathlessly as his lips found my neck again.

"And what about this?" he asked, fingertips sliding over my hip.

I froze. "More of a whim, but less of one than my shoulder." I answered quietly. I frowned and laced my fingers through the ones on my hip, tracing the ribbon with him. "It's not supposed to be noticeable."

He smirked. "And to most, it isn't… I happen to pay an extraordinary amount of attention to you."

I blushed. "Alice noticed it too… I think she gave Jasper shit about it. And Peter."

Michael sighed and kissed my shoulder again. "Alice was looking for reasons to be angry with Jasper." He replied bluntly. "I know just from what you told me. And you're the perfect excuse." He kissed me deeply. "And I get the eerie feeling Peter notices a lot of things people normally don't."

I nodded and twisted in his arms, hitching my legs over his so that I was straddling his lap. "This isn't where you wanted this conversation to go." I whispered, grasping his shoulder for balance.

He shook his head. "No… No it isn't." he agreed.

I cocked my head to the side and kissed his jaw, his shoulder, his neck. I smiled against his skin as he cleared his throat and shifted me slightly in his lap. "I'm sorry." I teased. "Was that wrong?"

He chuckled huskily and grasped my hips. "No… that was very right." He pushed my hair off my neck to get better access, kissing every bit of skin he could reach as the hand still on my hip pulled me closer, held me tighter.

I tilted my head back as his mouth found a particularly sensitive spot over my right clavicle and couldn't stop the moan that escaped my lips. He tensed around me at the sound, pausing for only a moment before threading his fingers in my hair and bringing my head forward again so that he could kiss me properly.

His skin was warm and soft and for the first time in all the times I'd had my hands on Michael's bare skin, it hummed as though it were electric. The fire was no longer within me, it was in him, between us, setting my skin alight.

It felt amazing.

And terrifying.

And exhilarating.

I hadn't even realized Michael was shifting, lifting, moving until my back hit the bed and he was hovering over me, supporting the bulk of his weight on his forearms, as he pressed himself between my legs.

_Oh wow…_

_ And in the back of my mind there was always that thought he was asexual._

_ Proving that one wrong as we… yeah…_

Even through two layers of denim, I could feel his erection and a sick, twisted little charge of triumph coursed through me. Michael had always been restrained with me, we'd never been this physical with each other, and now I understood that that restraint had been more for his benefit than mine. It was his only defense from me… he was so emotionally unguarded in his daily life that he'd refused to open himself up to physical rejection by going at my pace.

_Ha!_

_ He's as scared as I am!_

_ Not really. He's scared of different things. I'm still the one who makes the Cowardly Lion look like Chuck Norris._

He tensed slightly as I gripped his biceps, as though expecting me to force him away at any second, but as I deepened our kiss, he moaned against my lips and rolled to the side, taking me with him so that when he stopped, I was the one on top.

He was relinquishing control to me, allowing me to decide how far this would go, where it would go. Even as his hands gripped my hips and he ground his pelvis against mine, he was telling me without words that the choices made tonight would all be mine.

And suddenly, I wanted to be closer to him.

Actually, _wanted_ was not the right word. _Needed_. Needed was appropriate.

Michael had always been warm and gentle and real and he wanted to be with me.

_Woah! Too fast!_

_I need to make a decision. How far am I willing to go?_

Before I could stop myself, I'd undone his belt, smiling a little to myself as he froze from shock. I smirked against his lips. "Don't get too excited." I whispered. "I just want to feel as much of your skin as I can without stripping us both bare."

He laughed at that and moved his hands from my hips to the front of my jeans, allowing them to linger a few seconds in silent question. When I didn't stop him, he undid my belt and jeans and I rolled off him long enough for us to remove the offending denim from our bodies.

Before I could push myself up to return to my previous position, he was on me again, dragging his lips across my chest, over my neck and chin, before touching his nose to mine. "You've never touched me like this before." He whispered. "Obviously I'm a little excited, regardless."

I giggled, unable to help myself, as his lips returned to their assault of every bit of skin he could reach and his fingertips ghosted over my black boy shorts.

_Score another for me. The other option was a thong._

_ Pfft! He's seen me in less. One of my socks has more fabric than my bikini._

I gasped as his teeth grazed my right nipple through the thin cotton of my bra and he smiled smugly at the reaction, moving quickly to repeat on the left. I gasped again as my back arched into him and his chuckles vibrated through his chest and against my stomach.

"Beautiful…" he murmured. I couldn't tell if he was describing me or using it as his endearment for me. "Beautiful… beautiful… beautiful…"

_I could totally get behind this new mantra…_

And then he was rolling us over, placing me on top—strategically positioned on him so as to feel every inch of him that I could.

Correction for inflection: _**EVERY**_inch. All of them.

Michael pressed up into me again and I involuntarily ground down on him, forcing him to groan and squeeze my thighs.

And suddenly I flushed in embarrassment as I realized that not only did I know exactly how much he wanted me, but he knew the same of me. He was reacting as much to the warm wetness staining my panties and seeping onto his boxers as he was to the friction.

He frowned, placing a hand on my stomach and dragging his fingers across. "What's wrong?" his voice had dropped an octave, husky with lust. "Why are you blushing?" he was worried now, his eyes sparking with his concern, and I instantly felt bad.

"Nothing." I answered quietly, and when I saw that he didn't believe me, I smiled and kissed him softly, tracing my fingers down his chest to his stomach, laughing when he jerked involuntarily and his hips rose beneath me. "Ticklish?"

"No." he replied obstinately. I ran my fingers over the spot again, just over his right hip bone, and was nearly bucked off for my efforts. "Stop!" he cried, joining in my laughter.

"Maybe I don't want to." I retorted, experimenting on the other hip and being met with the same results. "You're ticklish. I didn't know."

An evil glint overtook his eyes and he flipped us immediately, pinning my hands above my head easily with just one of his. "Don't start what you can't finish." He murmured into my neck, placing a tender kiss on my collarbone, before ghosting his fingertips over my hipbone.

"Oh God!" I cried, twitching and trying to turn away. He smirked and bit his lip as he tickled my hip, my ribs, the back of my knee and all I could do was squirm and cry out and laugh because his weight and his hand on my wrists kept me pinned and helpless.

"Say sorry." He teased.

"No!" I gasped. He continued tickling me and I shrieked and squirmed until he burst out laughing and all but collapsed next to me, turning me so that we were facing each other.

As he brushed my bangs from my face, he smiled and whispered, "Thank you."

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "For what?"

"For opening up to me. I know it took a lot for you." I nodded and he pulled me close, brushing his lips with mine in a sensual dance. He ran his tongue over my bottom lip and I immediately opened my mouth, allowing him to stroke my tongue with his. We both moaned at the contact and when he pulled away, his eyes were dark with lust again. He simply smiled, however, and kissed my forehead. "Sleep, Babe."

"What about my bag?" I asked.

"Screw the bag. We'll worry about the bag in the morning." He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight to his chest. He breathed in the scent of my hair and sighed contentedly, "God, you feel so amazing against me."

I couldn't help but smile at that, because he felt amazing to me too. I settled for kissing his chest, his collarbones, his neck, and grinning as he shivered under my touch. I drifted into an easy sleep, surrounded by Michael's warmth.

_**End Note: Leave me a review and I'll send you a teaser!**_


	24. Unchained Melody

_**A/N: No ownage.**_

_**Rated M for mature situations, themes, and lemons. Reader beware, no under 18's please.**_

_**Thanks and love to RemyKilday for pre-reading.**_

_**Thanks and love to my Schwoogie-Muffin, HammerHips. **_

_*****Warning: This chapter contains a non-lemon lemon. If this shit offends you, I suggest you skip it. Thanks!**_

Chapter 23: Unchained Melody

_Oh, my love  
my darling  
I've hungered for your touch  
a long lonely time  
and time goes by so slowly  
and time can do so much  
are you still mine?  
I need your love  
I need your love  
Godspeed your love to me_

-"Unchained Melody" by The Righteous Brothers

_**Sage POV**_

I awoke the next morning to a slight tickling on my lower back, but as I slowly rose into consciousness, the tickling became gentle strokes by nimble fingers. I lifted my head off my arms and turned to find Michael smiling at me, his head propped up on his elbow.

"Morning." He murmured.

I smiled and laid back down, closing my eyes. "That feels good." I whispered as he kissed my shoulder. "You keep doing that and I may never get up."

He laughed. "I certainly wouldn't mind… though I can think of at least two people who would have issue with you taking up residence in my bed." I opened one eye to peer at him and he smirked. "Just saying."

I groaned. "Do me a favor?" he nodded. "We've made this nice little bubble… that's just us. Don't pop it just yet."

Michael sighed, but continued his careful ministrations on my lower back. "They're part of our world… we can't ignore them entirely. And there are definite times when I'd love to do just that."

I rolled to my side so that I could face him, smiling as he kept his hand in place so that it slid to my waist as I moved. "I know that… but this right here? I'm really kinda liking that it's just us and nothing and no one else… so give me at least another hour."

"Alright." he rolled his eyes and gave a dramatic sigh before flopping down on his pillow. He bit his lip for a moment as though debating something with himself before he finally said, "I was thinking we could come straight here Wednesday… you know, since we'll get out of our exams around the same time… and we don't have any exams Thursday between us, we could just lock ourselves in… do whatever…"

"Mmmm… Am I to assume that _do whatever_ is code for _fool around_?" I quirked an eyebrow at him.

He shrugged indifferently. "Assume away." He laughed as I lightly smacked his chest.

I pushed myself up onto my elbow and sighed. "I can't. I have a doctor's appointments both days… right after my exam and Thursday morning."

He frowned. "Is this kinda like that Therapy appointment that didn't happen until the following day?" I cringed. "It's OK. I know you had a lot going on in your head." He was genuine with that, but his eyes told me he was truly wondering if I had appointments.

Sighing, I took his hand and kissed his knuckles. "I have… tests that need to be done."

He paled. "What kind of tests? Are you OK? Is—"

I put a finger to his lips. "I'm fine… so far. My mom died of Ovarian Cancer… and I have an aunt who died of Adrenal Cancer… I get scans and pokes and prods every year. This isn't new for me."

He nodded slowly, his jaw clenched. Finally, he began playing with the fingers of my right hand, bending and stretching them, measuring them against his own as though he were trying to distract himself.

"What…" he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "What happens… if you have cancer?"

I inhaled sharply. "Which kind?" his brow furrowed and fear laced his features. "Calm down, Michael. I'm not dying." I rolled my eyes.

He nodded and continued playing with my fingers. "I just want to know…"

I sighed. "Well… if it's Ovarian, they'll probably do an oophorectomy." He cocked an eyebrow. "Remove my ovaries." I simplified. "If it's isolated, then I'd be lucky… If it's adrenal… well…" I shrugged. "Adrenal Cancer is very aggressive… so I don't know what the protocol is."

"If they removed your ovaries…"

_Where the hell is this going?_

"I'd be sterile."

"But they can freeze your eggs, can't they? They do that with cancer patients all the time."

"I'm not a cancer patient!" I cried exasperatedly. "Michael, where are you going with this?"

Michael shrugged nonchalantly. "Just thinking about the future…"

I cocked an eyebrow and grabbed his hand to still his movements. "Whose? Yours or mine?"

He took a deep breath and his eyes met mine for the first time in fifteen minutes. "Why can't it be _ours_?"

My eyes went wide and I immediately rolled away. "And there goes the bubble." I grumbled.

"Sage, no!" he cried as I rolled out of bed and grabbed my shirt. "Please?" he sat up and reached for me.

I sighed. "Michael, I'm nineteen. I don't know if I even _want_ kids yet. I don't even know if I ever want to get _married_! For all I know, I may want to be a gypsy and backpack through Europe for the rest of my life, or settle down somewhere in Asia and raise chickens or…" I threw up my hands in exasperation. "I don't know! _Anything_!"

"You've never thought of the possibility?"

"Of what? Kids?" I asked stupidly.

"Of what you'd do if it came down to losing your ovaries." He clarified.

I shrugged. "I figure that's a _cross that bridge if and when I come to it_ scenario." He seemed deflated. "Why are so worried about my Goddamn ovaries, Michael? The only time I think about them is once a year when I have to!"

He was shaking. From anger? I didn't know, but I'd never seen him that upset. His full lips were drawn into a thin line, his jaw clenched, his shoulders tensed. Finally, he took a deep breath and said, "Because I _have_ thought about it. With _you_." In a tone laced with indignation.

_Well fucking paint me blue and call me a Smurf._

And I froze.

He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. I was coming to equate that gesture with frustration at my obvious lack of direction in our relationship. "I've thought about it, OK? That's where my mind goes, I think of the future, and when I do, I see you."

_Still frozen._

After what seemed like an eternity, I found my voice. "It's been two months." I'd meant it to sound argumentative, but it had come out flat and dead.

"And? My dad knew the moment he met my mother."

"And my dad married my mom because she punched him the first time he tried to kiss her." I ground out. "Are we actually comparing ourselves to our parents? Because if so, I owe you a black eye!"

"So I'm not even allowed to tell you how I feel?" he asked lowly. Instead of answering him, I focused on the floor at my feet. "Because if so, that's not exactly fair, is it?"

I rolled my eyes. "Haven't you heard? Life isn't fair." I instantly regretted my words as his eyes slid shut and his lips drew into a thin line. I shook my head, closing my eyes and willing myself to calm down. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." He didn't open his eyes, didn't move, simply breathed. "Mike…" I sighed and stepped between his legs, bringing my hands up to his shoulders. I squeezed lightly and kissed his forehead. "I'm sorry."

He took a deep breath and pressed his face into my chest, kissing the tops of my breasts, before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer. "I don't want to push you." He whispered into my skin, his lips tickling slightly as he spoke. "But if I don't say that I love you and want to be with you, it feels like I'm lying to you." He looked up at me, his eyebrows knit together in his upset, and he said, quite clearly, "I love you. And I'm not going anywhere. So you take all the time you need because I'll still be right here. Waiting."

My heart leapt at the words, but my muscles ached with the impulse to run and before I could even blink, he'd grasped my upper arms firmly, but gently and pulled me forward as he leaned backward and then I was laying on him again. He took the shirt I had retrieved and tossed it away again, placing a hand in the small of my back to hold me in place as he kissed me, slow and sweet.

"Stop running." He murmured. I froze again and he groaned and rolled me off of him, standing quickly and padding out to the living room. He returned a moment later with a book, which he handed me. "I want you to read that."

I glanced at the title. _The Human Stain_ by Philip Roth.

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "You trying to tell me you're an African American passing for white?"

He rolled his eyes but couldn't help the smile that formed. "You know I'm mixed race." He groaned, sitting down again.

"That I do. That's why I'm confused about the reading assignment… which I've read, by the way." I handed it back to him.

"And yet you didn't take a lesson." He sighed, pushing the book back to me. I raised my eyebrows in question. "Coleman Silk hid from who he was every day… never telling anyone… You hide from yourself… and everyone else. Just be Sage. Stop running."

I swallowed and pushed the book back at him, dropping it into his lap when he didn't take it. "I'm the best impression of Sage I know how to be. Because I don't know who Sage is." I held up a hand as he tried to speak. "And I swear to God if you tell me I'm your girlfriend or Emmett's sister or Jasper's friend, I swear to fucking God I will punch you and walk out that door." His eyes widened at my words. "I don't know who the hell I am, Michael. For the longest time, it didn't matter who I was, so I never had to worry about it. I don't know who _Sage_ is… But I'm trying to figure it out."

Michael inhaled deeply and took my hand. "Then let me help you figure it out."

"I think that's a solo mission." I replied quietly. Without another word, he scooped me up and deposited me in the center of the bed, the book sliding with a muffled _thud _to the floor as he stood. "What are you—"

He silenced me with a smile as he hovered over me, pressing a kiss to my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, my chin, before moving down to kiss my shoulders, collarbones. He skipped my breasts entirely and moved to my stomach, smiling as his teeth grazed my right hipbone and I squirmed, but his hands on my hips held me in place.

He climbed my body again and kissed me passionately, nibbling my lower lip as his hands grabbed my thighs roughly and hitched my legs around his waist, grinding into my core. I moaned and pressed back, involuntarily seeking friction.

_Stop…_

_ 3… 2… 1…_

_ Uh…_

_ Maybe Latin?_

_ Tria… duo… unum…_

_ Shit._

I gasped as his one hand cupped my breast and squeezed lightly. It wasn't unpleasant, this newfound intimacy, this closeness, this…

_What the hell am I doing again?_

_ I'm supposed to be _not_ running._

_ Right…_

_ Too fast… too fast…_

_ Too slow!_

_ Not ready…_

_ I really am insane. I'm fucking arguing with myself._

_ You know… six months ago I was bitching that I couldn't _give_ it away. Now there's someone here perfectly willing to take it and I'm bitching about that._

_ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot much?_

_ Wow…_

_ I just totally channeled Jasper._

_ Jasper…_

_ Fuck!_

_ Mind on Michael._

Through all of my musings, Michael had continued to grind slowly against me, his lips never leaving mine. He was enough of a gentleman to keep his hands on the outside of my bra, though how much longer that would last was beyond me.

There was one thing I knew for certain… I didn't want my first time to follow a fight of any kind. It didn't bespeak romance.

_Romance…_

I wanted to be in love.

Not just in love with the _idea_ of love, which is what I was. I wanted to _love_ Michael.

_But I don't._

_ Not the way he loves me._

_ Maybe…_

_ With time?_

_ How much time is he going to give me?_

_ I can't let him change his life around for me when I'm not sure I want to be with him._

_ Is this nerves talking? I never think this much._

_ Never really had this much to think about._

_ Fuck me. Straight jacket, please!_

At some point I must have stopped reacting to Michael because he stopped the slow progression of his hands, stopped stroking my lips with his. He touched the crease between my brows with his finger and it brought me out of my internal argument.

"Where'd you go?" he asked sadly.

"Just… into my head." I answered quietly.

He nodded and rolled away. "Away from me."

I rolled to face his back and laid my hand on his hip. "No… It was all about you."

It was a lie, but only slightly. My mind couldn't have entertained that errant thought of Jasper longer than a few seconds. He exhaled slowly and I could see some of the tension leave his back.

"What about me?" he asked quietly.

I pushed myself up on my elbow and ran my nails across his hip, smiling as he twitched and rolled onto his back. I'd hurt his feelings by spacing out on him and his eyes were slightly unfocused, as though if he concentrated too hard on me, he'd be hurt more.

"I…"

_Tell the truth and lose him when I don't know what I feel…_

_ Go too far and I may regret it…_

_ Give a half-semi-possibly-full truth and I may be OK…_

"I was thinking that I haven't really gotten to get to know your body very much." It was the truth, in a fashion. I'd been thinking it the previous night as I drifted off to sleep. Every time I tried to tickle him, he flipped things around, tickled, did something to draw my attention away from exploration. He raised an eyebrow at me, though I couldn't tell if he was calling me on my bullshit or simply confused. I sighed. "Like… when I touch you here…" I ran my fingers over his hip again and he twitched. "See… I like that." I bit my lip. "And it makes me wonder if you're ticklish anywhere else like…" I ran my nails over his abs, the muscles contracted slightly, but didn't spasm under the touch. "Or…" I ran my fingers down his side, smiling as he inhaled sharply and tried to move away. "See? You tickle me and hold me down… that's not fair."

He smiled and lifted me onto him so I was straddling his thighs. "Fine then. Explore away." He was daring me with his eyes. He honestly didn't think I'd do anything.

I started slowly. I'd never lingered long on his neck or shoulders when we'd made out, so I thought it was a good place to start, especially knowing that I enjoyed his lips on my neck. From the moment my mouth touched the hollow of his throat, he tensed and groaned. I felt, rather than saw, his arms lifting to wrap around me and I immediately forced them away, never taking my lips from his skin. I let my tongue dart out to taste him and he bucked his hips into me, inhaling sharply and letting it out in a hiss. I giggled against his collarbone.

"You're going to kill me." He whispered. "You have no idea what you do to me."

I sat up and, bracing my hands on his chest for a moment, slid down to straddle his knees. "What about here?" I asked, gliding my fingertips along the inside of his muscled thighs. He inhaled sharply and tried to roll away, but I pushed his shoulders back down. "Stop." I commanded, earning myself a glare. I thought a moment. "Where else…" I asked the empty air.

At that, he gave a devilish smirk and replied, "I think you know where. Ow!" I slapped his shoulder. "What? Just saying."

"Uh-huh." I answered absently. I tapped my thumb against his abs as I thought and thought and he watched me all the while, his mouth curled into the faintest hint of a smile. Finally, I huffed in frustration and said, "What are you smiling at?"

"You." He answered simply. "You're cute when you're stumped." I rolled my eyes. "I like you touching me. However you want to." At a look from me, he amended, "However _innocently_ you want to." And then as a smirk overtook him, "Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Or what?" I challenged, cocking an eyebrow.

He rolled his eyes. "Don't tempt me." His tone was sarcastic, but there was an undertone of honesty in his voice. He sighed suddenly and placed his hand over mine, effectively stilling my still drumming thumb. "If I ask you a question, will you answer me honestly?"

I thought about that for a moment. A very long moment.

_Shouldn't lie…_

_ Depends on the question…_

_ Grrrrr…_

"Yes…" I replied hesitantly.

Michael stared at me for a good long while as though measuring the degree of honesty I'd used in my answer. Finally he asked, all seriousness, "Have you ever had an orgasm?"

"What kind of question is that?" I cried exasperatedly, but I felt my cheeks flame just the same.

"I want to know." He answered evenly. "Girls who are inexperienced in physical intimacy generally don't..."

"Masturbate?" I finished. He nodded and I sighed. "OK… you know how Peter calls you my _Power Tool_?" he nodded again and I felt my chest and arms go red, joining my cheeks in the ultimate betrayal. "He calls you that…" I took a deep breath. "Because that's maybe-possibly-kinda how I referred to my vibrator the first time I discussed it with him."

Michael froze beneath me, his eyes fixed on some point over my shoulder. After what seemed like ages, he finally asked, "Seriously?" I nodded. "So…" he cocked an eyebrow. "Wait… I thought you were—"

I threw my hands up in frustration. "It's a clit stimulator, not a freaking motorized dildo! Jesus! Sometimes a girl needs a little release!"

"Most virgin girls aren't all that schooled in how to get themselves off…"

I snorted. "_You_ didn't have to hang around the whore, Jessica Stanley, for four years. She and Bella were like… best pals, I guess, all through high school. And since Bella and I shared a room, I got to hear all the gory details as dear Jess learned to deep throat, fake an orgasm, and discover for herself what _loving yourself_ really means… so please, don't hate on Buzz." I told him matter-of-factly.

"_Buzz_?" he asked curiously.

"Yes. Guys name their penises. I named my vibrator. It's very technical and somewhat an inside joke I'm sure you wouldn't get."

He rolled his eyes and lifted his legs off the bed to force me further up his body until I was laying on his chest. "Stop deflecting… I'm just surprised is all." He smirked. "I pictured you so much more innocent. Now I'm just kinda turned on." I raised an eyebrow because I could feel just how turned on he was. "Don't judge me."

I snickered. "I'm sorry. Should I pretend to be all sweet and innocent? Should I have answered the question with _'What's an orgasm?'_?"

"No." he replied easily. "Though I am kinda wishing you had answered _no_…"

"Why?" he didn't answer me and the look on his face told me he had no intention of doing so. "Why?" I pressed. Still no answer. "Just tell me why. I'm not going to be upset."

He inhaled deeply and wrapped his arms around me as though he expected me to run.

_Well, studies show…_

_ Shut. Up._

_ Now._

"Because it makes me wonder if you'd enjoy me more… and I find that to be an exciting challenge."

_Oh._

_ Fuck._

_ Shit._

_ Um…_

_ Wow…_

He pecked me quickly on the lips and smiled smugly at my stunned expression. "I'm not going to lie and say I haven't thought about it, Sage. I think about sex with you probably about ninety-nine percent of my day."

"What's that other one percent?" I choked. My throat felt completely raw.

"Food." He shrugged. "I'm a guy. That's how we work."

"Oh. Sex is more important than food."

He made a _tshing_ sound in the back of his throat and said, "Duh." Forcing me to laugh.

When I stopped, I asked, "So… if it's on your mind that much…" I averted my eyes to his chest and began tracing the Angel's sword. "How come you're so patient with me?"

"Mmmm…" he hummed quietly and I looked up in time to see an embarrassed smile cross his face. "Because after you fell asleep last night, I took a nice long cold shower."

"Must be frustrating."

"I can take care of myself." He replied and I blushed again, gaining his full meaning. "And maybe one day, I'll take care of you too." His hands glided slowly down my back, stopping as they reached the curve of my ass before travelling up to my shoulders again.

I was too dumbfounded to speak, let alone form a coherent thought. It was an offer. Plain and simple, it was an offer that was being left on the table for me to either pick up or ignore. I could let him touch me, or not, it was my choice.

_Buzz…_

He wouldn't be upset if the answer was _no_.

_Buzz buzz…_

But he would probably jump for joy if the answer was _yes_.

But then… how far would he expect to take it?

Aside from Jess, the only other girl who'd ever spoken to me about her sex life was Bella and that was pretty lame. She'd let Mike Newton have the first go and she was disappointed, to say the least. Eric Yorkie was next… and apparently he'd slid in and gone limp from nerves. From all I'd heard since Thanksgiving, Edward was easily taught; I had no idea what that meant. They'd been flying back and forth to see each other. It was disturbing.

"Sage, breathe." Brought me back from the deep abyss of questioning and self-doubt I found myself in. I blinked and Michael's face came into focus. "I didn't say that to put pressure on you. I said it so you'd know that it's on the table. No more than you want or need, I'm fine either way. But I won't lie and say I don't fantasize."

_Spiraling again…_

_ Come back…_

_ Give me a minute to process this…_

"Breathe, Babe." I tried and failed. "Sage… Breathe or I'll call Emmett and tell him you stripped for me in the parking lot behind the Dairy Queen. Ow!" I smacked his chest, and though I knew from the loud _thwack!_ that it had at least stung, he was still smiling.

Finally, I took a deep breath and nodded. "OK."

He raised an eyebrow in confusion. "OK?"

I nodded again. "OK." And then I quirked an eyebrow as if in hint.

His eyes went wide. "Oh… _OK_." He beamed at me and I couldn't help the smile I returned.

_What the hell am I doing?_

_ I'm doing something _I_ want to do. It just so happens he wants to do it too._

_ Uh-huh… How far's this gonna go?_

"Just…" I swallowed and my one hand stretched and pressed against his chest.

He nodded in understanding immediately. "Just." Was all he answered before pulling me into the most searing, passionate kiss we'd ever shared. A moment later, he pushed me up so that I was sitting and he whipped my bra off before I could even register the movement. The next moment found me on my back beneath him, his lips warm and soft on mine as one hand buried itself in my hair and the other found purchase on my right breast, squeezing gently, thumb stroking my nipple.

I inhaled sharply.

_So much better than when I do it to myself…_

I moaned involuntarily and Michael's mouth left mine to kiss down my neck, across my shoulders, down my chest, before he swirled his tongue around my left nipple and began lightly sucking. I gasped at the sensation and moaned when his teeth grazed the sensitive skin.

He hummed his pleasure and my back arched of its own accord as my fingers dug into the back of his neck, holding him in place. The hand that had been kneading the other breast drifted slowly, almost lazily, southward, fingers ghosting over the planes of my stomach until his thumb hooked into the waistband of my underwear and he sat up quickly, sliding my boy shorts down my legs and pulling them off, tossing them over his shoulder. His mouth returned to its previous position only long enough for one last nibble before he moved to the other breast, showing it the same attentions.

When my back arched again, he sat up again, this time allowing his eyes time to wander down my body from my flushed face to my toes, a small smile gracing his features. "Beautiful." He murmured, though I wasn't sure I was supposed to hear it.

His lips found mine again and the hand that had been wandering over my stomach suddenly had a new purpose. It slid slowly, deliberately (as though he expected me to ask him to stop) down my hip, over my right thigh until he could grasp my leg and slowly push it until my legs were spread and his fingers were gliding tantalizingly along the soft flesh of my inner thigh. I moaned again and he tensed, quite obviously attempting to regain some control.

When his hand moved again, his fingers slid up and down my slit, causing my back to arch yet again. He groaned softly into my mouth.

"God, you're so wet…" he whispered between kisses.

His thumb found my clit and I jumped in response. It was a new sensation, a new pressure, and not at all a bad one. He began moving his thumb in slow, calculated circles, eliciting more moans and gasps from me.

I clutched his shoulders as he slid one finger inside my wet folds, followed quickly by another. I cried out almost immediately as I felt that familiar coil in my belly tightening and his thumb continued to work that sensitive bundle of nerves.

"Oh God, Michael." I murmured against his lips.

"Tell me. Say it." He whispered as he increased the speed and pressure of his nimble fingers. "Say it."

_Citizen Soldier_ by 3 Doors Down began blasting from the bedside table and I immediately tensed.

_Jasper_.

_Talk about timing._

"Let it roll." Was all Michael said as he continued working me with his hand. The tension in his voice told me how annoyed he truly was. He knew the ringers on my phone well. He knew exactly who was calling.

I had every intention of it, I honestly did, but when it rolled to voicemail, it immediately began ringing again. This time, it only rang a few seconds before cutting off and I breathed a sigh of relief, followed swiftly by every curse word I knew in both English and Latin as it picked up again.

"_Fuck_!" I groaned, attempting to roll toward my phone.

Michael held me fast. "Let it roll." He insisted.

I sighed. "I can't. That's the Bat Signal." I groaned and pushed his hand away, kissing him apologetically as I did. When I answered the phone, my tone was harsh, but not nearly as harsh as I'd hoped. "_What_?"

"_Sage, is everything OK?_"

_What the fuck?_

"Well… things were pretty damn good, why?" I answered scathingly.

Jasper hesitated a moment before answering, "_There's been a… problem at home. Can you see my truck from Michael's apartment?_"

_Oh for fuck's sake. This is about the fucking TRUCK?_

"Jas, why the hell would it matter if I can see the Goddamn truck?" I cried. Michael growled next to me and flopped on his back in frustration.

"_Sage, just go check the fucking truck!_" he half-yelled.

I huffed in defiance but rolled off the bed and picked up Michael's discarded button-down. I slipped it over my arms and held it closed as I padded out to the living room and over to the sliding glass door.

I could see the truck perfectly from my position three floors up. I had parked in plain view of Michael's balcony.

I was not, however, prepared for the sight that met my eyes.

From my vantage point, it appeared the side mirrors were smashed and the hood was dented, but I couldn't be sure, as I'd pulled straight into the spot and the rear of the truck was toward me. I did have an amazing view of the bed of the truck though, and my eyes widened at what was there: _Fornicator_. In Big. Bold. Lurid Pink. Paint.

_Fuck me running._

"Uh…" I gulped.

"_What? Sage?_"

There was movement behind me and I turned to watch Michael move into position behind me, his eyes fixed on the truck, wide with disbelief.

"Uh…" I said again. "I think you might… wanna come… see the truck."

"_What's wrong? Is it drivable? How bad is it?_"

"There… are no words, Jas." I answered.

_Well now that's not true. There's one word. _FORNICATOR.

"_Shit_." He hissed. "_I'll be there as soon as I can get a cab._"

"Why do you need a cab? I asked confusedly. "Just have Em or Rose drive you."

"_Not gonna happen. I'll explain later. See you soon._" And he hung up.

I tossed the phone on the couch. My body had gone numb in the past five minutes. Completely, utterly numb. There was no memory of what had been happening before, no sense of pleasure at picking up where we'd left off.

Just. Numb.

Michael sighed behind me and wrapped an arm around me. I resisted the urge to flinch away from his touch as his hand came to rest under the shirt on my bare hip. "Well… I guess we should—"

"Shower." I cut him off, but my voice was dead. "I should shower… get cleaned up."

"Right." He replied and it sounded as though his throat were constricted.

I did just that. I spent almost a half hour sitting in the shower. I'd scrubbed myself clean and washed my hair in the first ten, but the rest of the time I just sat at the bottom of the shower and silently wept.

I'd loved what I'd been experiencing at Michael's hands. He was gentle and kind, yet so sure and determined in his ministrations that I'd very nearly peaked before the phone rang.

It wasn't the fact that the truck was trashed that had me crying. Nor was it a lament of what might have been had Michael and I not been interrupted.

No.

I wept because it felt as though a part of my heart had just ripped itself away from the whole with a gut-wrenching, sickening finality.

Because somewhere deep in my mind, it felt as though what had just transpired _should_ have been with Jasper. Somewhere deep in my mind, it felt as though I'd just betrayed _Jasper_.

_**End Note: I like reviews. I'll send you a teaser if you leave me one.**_


	25. Dammit

_**A/N: I still don't own anything except Sage, Michael, and the plot.**_

_**Rated M for adult themes and lemons. Under 18? Please don't read.**_

_**RemyKilday rocks my socks. She's an awesome pre-reader.**_

_**HammerHips owns my world. She's the Schwoogie-Muffin to my Red Hot Mama.**_

Chapter 24: Dammit

_It's alright  
to tell me  
what you think  
about me  
I won't try  
to argue  
or hold it  
against you  
I know that  
you're leaving  
you must have  
your reasons  
The season  
is calling  
your pictures  
are falling down_

-"Dammit" by Blink182

_**Sage POV**_

"Jasper's here." Michael called from the bedroom doorway. I turned my head a fraction to see him leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed. He'd gotten dressed while I was in the shower and I was slightly thankful he'd chosen a pair of khaki cargo shorts and a black hoodie.

_It's those damn button-downs with the sleeves rolled up that do it to me._

"Right." I whispered. He'd gone down to the truck and retrieved my bag while I'd been cleaning up. I'd pulled on clean underwear and a fresh pair of jeans, but I'd somehow gotten lost in my thoughts after putting on the periwinkle lace bra I'd yanked from my bag. I still hadn't pulled a shirt out. I hastily leaned over and pulled out a black tank top and a gray hoodie. Ever since I'd gotten out of the shower, I'd felt the need to cover myself. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the smallest hint of a smile on Michael's face. "Stop looking at me like that." I chided.

"Like what?" he asked, suddenly confused and hurt by my tone.

I sighed and pulled on my shirt and hoodie before replying, "Stop looking at me like you've seen me naked."

I brushed past him without another word, but I heard him whisper, "But I _have_ seen you naked."

I chose to ignore it and pulled my shoes on. If I didn't ignore the comment, things would get a hell of a lot worse for me right now. Nevermind the fact that I wasn't actually _Jasper's_ and therefore had no reason to feel guilty for what I'd just done (and enjoyed), but I also had to contend with the guilt I felt for feeling guilty that I'd enjoyed Michael's hands on me in such an intimate way.

_Ah yes… __Futurus necne futurus , ut est question._

_And in French… __Ê__tre ou pas __ê__tre, voila la question._

_And in English, just for good measure… To be or not to be, that is the question._

No matter how many times I repeated those words from _Hamlet_, no matter how much I mentally willed myself to just _stop_, I couldn't. I was over-thinking, over-analyzing, over-dramatizing and I knew it. And I couldn't stop it.

We padded quietly down the stairs and out into the parking lot. Jasper was standing at the back of the truck, his hands shoved in his pockets, staring at the horrible pink paint.

"Hey." I said by way of greeting as I came to a stop next to him.

"Hey." He grumbled back. "It was fine when you left the house, right?"

"Yes." I assured him.

He sighed. "So whoever it was followed you here."

I didn't voice it, but I had a sneaking suspicion of who had done the damage.

_Alice_.

Who else would use a word like _Fornicator_ to describe what my activities were. I knew what it looked like to the casual observer, my staying at Michael's several nights a week. I knew what it looked like that I hadn't brought my bag in, yet I'd stayed the night. It told the observer I wasn't in need of clothes for what I'd be doing; I wasn't that stupid.

"Fucking _bitch_." Jasper spat, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"What'd I do?" I asked defensively, my voice kicking up an octave in insult.

"Not you, Darlin'. _Alice_."

_Oh that's good. Apparently I'm no Nancy Drew here. That's comforting._

I felt Michael's hand run down my back and I immediately stepped forward a pace before turning to Jasper. "Did you call the police?"

"Yeah." He grunted. "They'll be here in a few minutes." He shook his head. "This is fuckin' bad. First the Jeep and the M-Three, now my truck…"

"What happened to the Jeep and Beemer?" I asked immediately.

He rolled his eyes. "Rose's car has _Fornicator_ on it too…" he cringed and I knew why. Rose loved that car more than she loved Jasper. Chances were she'd sell him over it any day of the week; she would not be pleased at the prospect of someone defiling her baby. "And the Jeep's got _Hedonist_ on the back window, _Fornicator_ on the side, and _Glutton_ across the hood." I cringed.

It was no secret that Emmett was all of those things, especially a glutton. Glutton for food, sex, pleasure in all its forms, you name it, he loved it. But to be called on it by some Holier Than Thou Pixie-bitch? Way way over the line… and Emmett was the _king_ of Over the Line.

"So…" I thought for a moment. No matter how I chose the words, I was going to blush, Jasper was going to blush, and Michael would either smirk or shift uncomfortably. "Are we thinking she wrote this because of you? Or… me?" As if on cue, my cheeks reddened, Jasper's flamed, and Michael shifted from foot to foot.

Jasper sighed. "No idea… probably me… For all we know, she drove by and saw the truck and just assumed it was me in there…" he shot me a look I couldn't quite read.

The police arrived a few minutes later and I gave them as accurate a description of events as I could, with help from Michael on things like what time I'd arrived and what time Jasper had called and asked me to check the truck.

Halfway through, Michael had put his arm around my waist and pulled me close. It took everything I had not to twist away. I felt horrible. Last night and earlier this morning, I'd wanted his hands everywhere at once. But now, in the harsh light of day, I wanted him to back up and off with his hands in the air so I could keep track of them at all times.

Jasper saw me tense at Michael's touch and shot me a questioning look. I gave only a slight shake of my head to warn him off and continued speaking with the police.

An hour and a half later, as they pulled out, Jasper turned to me and sighed. "Sorry I interrupted… whatever I interrupted." His cheeks reddened again.

"It's fine." I answered, grimacing as I felt Michael stiffen in response. I hadn't meant it to sound so cavalier. I hadn't meant it to sound as if I didn't care. I did. I truly did. I'd give anything to rewind and not answer my phone and still be kissing Michael as he stroked me in ways that made my skin sing.

Jasper nodded and kicked the rear right tire. "Well, I guess I should get back… You gonna be OK if I take the truck? I need to take it down to the garage in the morning. Rose and Emmett are already working on their cars.

"No, I'll go with you." I answered immediately and Michael stiffened again, his fingers digging into the small of my back. I bit back a wince.

_Fucking stop talking. Now._

_Please._

"Let me just… grab my stuff." And with that, I practically fled back into the apartment.

I heard Michael come in behind me and I knew without looking that he'd taken up his previous post leaning in the doorway while I tossed clothing and odds and ends into my bag.

Finally, he sighed and asked, "Do you want me to drive you or am I not welcome?"

I paused, but didn't meet his gaze. I simply couldn't look him in the eye. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that you practically cringed at my touch out there… like you were repulsed." His voice was hard as he spoke. I'd never heard his tone so uneven and coarse.

I sucked my teeth for a second and then shook my head. "Michael, I'm not repulsed." I replied quietly.

"You sure are something… repulsed or not… and it isn't exactly the reaction I was going for." He responded and I truly cringed at it his tone. He sighed and I heard his weight shift and his footsteps get closer until he was behind me. I was frozen in place, mid-fold of my dirty jeans. "So if you're not repulsed, you need to enlighten me."

"Michael, repulsed is the furthest thing." I whispered and finished my packing. "But I have to go. I can't do this right now." I zipped my bag shut and turned, coming nose-to-chest with him. I closed my eyes as his fingers glided slowly up my arm, across my shoulder, up my neck and jaw, before brushing my bangs from my eyes.

"We will talk about this." It wasn't a question or a request and it was the first time the option hadn't been mine. I knew I owed him an explanation, but I also knew I didn't have one to give at the moment.

"Soon." I answered. "But not now."

My breath hitched as he tilted my chin upward and his lips met mine, but I still couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes. When we broke apart, I snatched up my bag, gave him a quick hug, and darted out to the living room, grabbed my guitar, and sprinted out the door and down the stairs.

Jasper was waiting for me in the truck and I could tell he was surprised when I dumped my stuff behind the seat and climbed in.

"I was expecting a text with something to the effect of _Go on without me_." He teased, but his smile didn't reach his eyes.

I pressed my forehead against the cool glass of the window. "Shut up, Jas." I mumbled.

"Hey, you OK?" he asked as he shifted into gear and pulled us onto the highway.

"Not really."

I heard the steering wheel strain as his grip tightened. "What happened?"

My cheeks flamed under the question. "Personal much?" I asked scathingly.

"Did he hurt you?"

"God! No! Jesus, can I just be in my head for a fucking minute?" I cried out. He reached over and pinched my shoulder. "Ow! Fucking Asshole!"

"Serves you right, you're bein' a _bitch_!" he cried back. "I'm allowed to be worried when I pick you up from your boyfriend's and you're acting like someone stomped on your puppy's head! Not to mention the fact that you practically ran away from him when he touched you. Something's up and you're not—"

"I don't _have_ to tell you anything! Least of all when it pertains to Michael!" I yelled, forcing him into a seething silence. I took a breath and leaned my head against the window again. "Nothing happened." He took it the way I meant for him to, that nothing physical had happened, but I was at my wits end. Nothing _emotional_ had happened. I still felt the same, which is to say I felt nothing.

It was depressing really, when I thought too hard about it. My conversation with Carmen was still relatively fresh in my mind and my question about whether I was capable of love kept repeating like a broken record in my head. What if I truly was incapable of love?

I sighed and grumbled out, "Sorry."

Jasper nodded. "Me too… and I'm sorry I pinched you. I shouldn't have done that." He watched me carefully out of the corner of his eye and finally asked, "You know you can talk to me… about anything, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah." My tone was listless now. "But I think I need to figure out exactly what I'd be talking about first."

He pulled a face. "That bad?"

"More or less." I shrugged.

"Therapy Homework didn't go so hot?"

I laughed bitterly. "Better than I'd hoped."

"So what happened then?"

"Stuff." I answered lamely.

"_Stuff_?" he pressed. "What kind of stuff? Stuff like you kissed and made up or—"

"Jazz!" I cried in frustration and he quieted. "I'll talk about it when I'm ready. Not before. Please back off."

"Sorry." He mumbled again, reaching over to stroke my hair. "You know men, Sweetie, we like to fix things." I nodded solemnly. "Give it time. It'll all work out."

"How very Fortune Cookie." I snarked.

"Don't knock my fucking Fortune Cookie state of mind. It's the only thing keeping me from turning this truck around and beating whatever's wrong with you out of Michael."

I snorted. "Good fucking luck with that one. He's as clueless as you are." _As I am_… I amended in my head.

"Wait, so he doesn't know anything's wrong?"

I sighed. "He does… but since I don't exactly know what's wrong, how can I tell him what's wrong?" Jasper nodded his understanding. "Can we change the subject please?"

I went incommunicado again until Monday. Not just from Michael this time, but from _everyone_. Jasper kept trying to get me to eat, but I just wasn't hungry. At one point, he and Emmett both threatened the sanctity of my doors, but I simply texted them each a picture of my middle finger aimed skyward.

Eventually, they sent Rosalie down in an attempt to forge some female bonding or some shit I wasn't exactly familiar with. I slept through most of it. That woman can _talk_… She sat outside my fucking bedroom door and _talked_ to me for three hours. I only caught a few words before I completely passed out.

And still, Michael texted to tell me he was thinking of me, to ask me to call when I was up to it, and I just couldn't. How do you tell someone who loves you that you don't love them? How do you ease the pain you're about to inflict?

_You can't._

_It's not possible._

_You just fucking put on your big girl panties and deal with it._

Monday morning dawned dark, black clouds threatening rain. It matched my mood perfectly. I dressed in a flowing blue ankle-length skirt and white tank top, slid on my flip flops and pulled my hair back into a ponytail.

I knocked on Jasper's door and poked my head in when he grunted. "Jazz?" he grunted again, a mass of blankets and pillows moved slightly, indicating he was still in bed. I sighed and climbed up the bed, straddling his chest and poking at the pillow covering his face. "Jazz?"

"What?" came out muffled from below.

"Can I borrow your loaner car? I need to go to campus."

There was a sigh so large my body rose and fell with it. "Summer Semester doesn't start 'til next week."

"I know. I'm not going for class." I slid my index finger under the pillow and poked his jaw. "Please?"

There was more grumbling and mumbling I couldn't discern followed by a long, drawn out sigh and a "_Fine_" with the end drawn on for several seconds as though it was the only sound he was actually capable of making. "The keys are in my pants pocket."

I looked around his room, my eyes wide. I'd actually never seen Jasper's room in the state of disarray it currently held. Clothes were strewn everywhere along with a litter of CD's, several thumbdrives, a few photo albums, guitar strings… the list went on and on. Normally, Jasper was as neurotic about the state of cleanliness he kept in his room as I was… and that was saying something, considering I'd once taken a bucket of bleach and water solution to the walls of my room in Uncle Charlie's house after Emmett and Rose had defiled it by fucking on my bed. I'd burned the sheets. The walls I hadn't been able to think of anything else to do with, arson aside.

With a shuddering breath, I asked, "Jazz… which pants?"

"The ones on the chair." He answered sleepily, still muffled by the pillow.

I sighed and pulled the pillow from his face. He peered at me, slightly cross-eyed in the half-light. "Are you OK?" I asked.

"Perfect." He answered, his voice a harsh rasp. He sounded as though he'd smoked a pack of cigarettes in twenty minutes. His eyes narrowed and I could tell he was analyzing my expression in the way only he could. "What's up, Sweetheart?" he reached up and pushed my lower lip in an attempt to get me to pull it back in.

"Jazz…" I looked around the room. "You're not OK… this is… well… frankly, this is gross." He smirked at my assessment. "I'm serious! What is this? When's the last time you cleaned?"

"Last week." He groaned. "Sorry, Martha Stewart. I've had a lot on my mind." He grunted and turned so he was fully on his back and I wasn't awkwardly straddling half his chest and half his side. "I'm OK… just not up for much."

Guilt set in immediately. I'd been lost in my own shame spiral and I'd failed to notice his.

"I'm sorry, Jazz. I—"

"Don't apologize. You've got your own shit to deal with." He sighed again and peered at me through heavily lidded eyes. "I assume that's what you're headed to campus for? To deal with your shit?" I nodded. "Then go deal with it, and when you come back, maybe we'll deal with mine." He made an attempt at a smile, though it came out strained. "If we're both up to it."

I swallowed. "OK…" I thought for a moment. "Maybe we'll… clean this room up and watch a movie? Maybe order some Ping's?"

The smile was genuine this time. "Ping's would be great… And I'll even let you pick the movie."

Sighing, I climbed off him, stuck the pillow back on his face, and patted it. "I'll wake you when I get back." I called through the goose down before grabbing the keys and I headed for the door with my purse.

As I pulled the crappy old Honda Civic into the parking lot over by the History and World Cultures building, my stomach began to twist itself into knots.

I could have left. I could've done this over the phone… or in text… e-mail… but _no_… No, I was one of _those_ people who had to do things the _right_ way. Michael started this in person, the day we met when he popped into my Photo Journalism class to speak to me about printing my article. I remembered that day in vivid detail…

_ Class was just about to end when the door creaked open and a beautiful man with the most shockingly blue eyes I'd ever seen stepped inside. He was dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans and a cerulean button-down with the sleeves rolled up, showcasing the extensive tattoo covering his arms. I wondered how much more of him was covered in ink._ _He caught me looking at him and gave me a small smile._

_He nodded to Professor Laskey just as she dismissed us and then she called out, "Miss McCarty? Could I see you a moment please?"_

Crap. What the hell did I do?

_I made my way to the front just as the visitor did the same and Professor Laskey smiled encouragingly at me. "Sage, this is Michael Donovan. He's the editor of the college paper." I nodded my greeting, suddenly shy because I'd been checking him out only moments before and he knew it. "Mike, this is Sage McCarty, as promised. There, you've had your introduction, I'm late for office hours. I'll see you both next week." She rolled her eyes and placed something on the desk between us before strolling out the door._

_I looked down. It was the article I'd turned in the previous week, a bold red _A_ at the top._

"_Uh…" I mumbled. "Hi."_

"_Hi." He beamed at me. "This is pretty awkward, I'm sorry. Every now and again Professor Laskey shows me articles by promising students… you know, in case I want to poach them for the paper."_

Ah… Wait, huh?

"_Anyhow, I read this." He tapped my article on the industrialization of the Bay Area and its effects on local wildlife. "It's phenomenal. I've never read anything even half as good, not even by juniors and seniors… and she mentioned you've already declared yourself for Journalism so… I figured I'd at least give it a shot… I think the article's well-written, provocative… I'd love to print it in next week's copy." My cheeks went red and he smiled a bit at my utter embarrassment. "It's OK to say no."_

"_Uh… No, it's fine. I mean… I just heard that no one below third year gets published so I guess you kinda threw me."_

_He chuckled. "Hardly anyone below third year does get published, but there are extraordinary cases. You're one of them."_

"_Wow… I guess I'll take that as a compliment."_

"_You should. I don't hand them out willy-nilly over just any article."_

_I smiled. "I'd like to be published in next week's copy."_

"_Fantastic." He pulled a pen out of his pocket and wrote his e-mail address at the bottom of my article. "Just e-mail me a copy and we'll go from there." I nodded, but my eyes were focused on his forearm as the navy blue ink stretched and contracted sinuously over the muscle as he wrote. He caught me staring again, much to my chagrin. "Does it bother you?"_

_My head snapped up. "Why would it?"_

_He shrugged. "It bugs people… some of them just hate tattoos."_

_I snorted. "I know the feeling. My brother's still trying to convince me to get mine lasered off."_

"_Oh, so you're definitely not put off by it. You're inked as well."_

_I blushed. "Yes… I am _inked_, as you put it."_

"_Can I see?" his curiosity was genuine. _

_I rolled my eyes. "That's a bit personal."_

"_You can see mine." He countered, displaying his arms._

"_Is that all of it?"_

"_No." he answered easily._

"_Then obviously I haven't actually _seen_ it."_

I'm flirting. Holy fuck, I'm flirting.

_He chuckled and sighed, "Alright. You asked for it."_

_Before I could stop him, he'd unbuttoned his shirt and taken it off, turning to show how the tattoo covered his entire torso, front to back. I didn't take time to truly take in the design, I was simply in awe of the sheer amount of ink."_

"_Wow." I breathed._

_He pulled his shirt back on and refastened the buttons. "Alright. You're turn." I blushed and bit my lip. "Oh come on." He was mocking me now, his eyes alight with something akin to mischief._

_Sighing, I rolled the hem of my tank top up until the Sanskrit on my ribs was just barely visible and turned so that the light hit it. "Judgment does not bind her, for she writes her own destiny." I answered his unspoken question at the meaning._

_He reached out automatically, his fingers ghosting over the lavender ink on my ribs, so feather-light I almost thought I'd imagined his touch. "Beautiful." He smiled. "Just like the bearer."_

_My chest, arms, and face all flamed. "Thanks." I said as I rolled my top down. "Well… it was nice meeting you, and I really appreciate you wanting to print my article, but I have to get going. My friend's waiting to drive me home."_

_He nodded. "It was nice to meet you too, Sage. I hope to see you around."_

"_Yeah." I agreed, nodding as I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed for the door. "I'll see you around, Michael."_

Even though the car was in _Park_, I gripped the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles were white. Michael had made an impression that day, he certainly had. He'd made an even bigger impression the following week…

_ I walked out of my Photo Journalism class with a small group of my classmates, laughing and discussing the concept of _Neutral Spin_ when someone called out behind me, "Neutral Spin isn't possible!" _

_We all turned and I immediately smiled as Michael grinned at me, a copy of the paper in his hands. He was leaning against the wall as though he'd been waiting for me to emerge._

_ I turned to my classmates. "I'll catch up with you guys Monday." I told them before walking quickly over to Michael. "Is that the copy?"_

_ "Hot off the press." He answered, chuckling as I snatched it and began flipping through. My article was on the third page, my name in bold print above it with the title _Special Correspondent. _I skimmed the article. It was all there. He hadn't changed a thing. "This is… Wow… I think you just gave me Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one." I beamed up at him. "Thank you."_

_ He chuckled. "Well, I'm glad. The staff were all floored when I told them you were a Freshman. Even more so when I told them I didn't have to change or correct anything." He grimaced. "Homophones." He shook his head. "Most Freshman _suck_ at homophones."_

_ I smirked. "I edit papers for cash. I kinda need them to suck at homophones."_

_ "You edit?" I nodded and we both started walking toward the door. "You're an interesting person, Sage McCarty."_

_ "Hardly. I'm just me."_

_ "Well, can I buy _Just You_ a cup of coffee?"_

_ I grimaced. "Another time? A friend and I are headed down to Lompoc." I blushed and his eyes immediately zeroed in on it. He gave me a questioning look and for once, I didn't want to hide anything. "My dad… he's in prison there."_

_ He nodded. "Good friend."_

_ I smiled. "Yeah. Jasper's the best."_

_ "Jasper?" he sounded upset._

_ "Yeah. We've known each other for almost seven years now. Spent most of it apart… wrote letters back and forth, even when he was deployed to Iraq." He seemed to relax at my explanation._

_ "Your boyfriend must be jealous though… having a guy for a best friend." _

_ "What boyfriend?" I scoffed. "Oh wait… yeah, I'm still waiting for Johnny Depp to call me back." I rolled my eyes. I spotted Jasper at that moment, though his back was to us. "Well, I need to get going, but… that coffee?" he nodded. "Another time. Definitely." I smiled and took off toward Jasper._

I chewed my lip and let go of the steering wheel. This was right. I had to do it.

Sighing, I yanked the key from the ignition and got out, slinging my purse over my shoulder and trudging with something akin to a death march toward the Editor's Office.

Michael was in, as I expected, though he didn't notice me standing in the doorway watching him. He was in a black button-down, but I could tell, even with his back to me, that it was unbuttoned and he was wearing a gray wife-beater under it. He'd never dressed so casually for his time in his office, preferring to look serious in order to be taken seriously, but I supposed the lone summer copy didn't truly warrant the usual getup.

He was clacking away on the keyboard, completely oblivious, but suddenly paused. His head cocked down and to the side slightly and he asked, "You going to stand there or come in?" I sighed and stepped inside, closing the door behind me as he spun in his computer chair. "I've been worried."

"Jasper would've let you know if there was reason to be." His cheeks pinked and I knew my hunch was correct. I'd suspected that part of the reason Michael had been so patient with my cluelessness had been because he'd been talking to Jasper about me. I sighed and went to lean against his desk.

He turned to face me, reaching out to place his hands on my hips, but I took his hands and held them, dropping them to my sides. He scrutinized me for a long moment, his eyes dark and sad. "Say it, Sage."

I took a deep breath. "It's not working." He sucked his teeth and nodded. "I tried." White-hot tears sprang to my eyes and immediately began streaming down my cheeks. As if on reflex, Michael reached up and cupped my face in his hands, his thumbs wiping the tears away.

_Of course. I'm hurting him and he's comforting me._

"I wish that I felt the same as you, Mike. I wish I could be that girl for you, but I can't." I drew in a shuddering breath. "And I can't keep hurting you by giving you only some of what you deserve."

Michael stood then and pulled me into a tight embrace. He stroked my hair lovingly and whispered, "It's OK." I sniffled and hugged him fiercely, smiling as he tilted my chin up one last time and pressed his lips to mine.

It wasn't completely chaste, that kiss. There was fire and passion and everything he felt poured into it as though directly from his heart. I would miss that feeling, miss his lips on mine, but I knew I had to cut Michael loose.

When he pulled away, he was smiling sadly, and I'm sure my face mirrored his. I reached up and stroked his face one last time. "Thank you." I whispered. I pulled his face to me to kiss his cheek and then I turned and left.

I walked quickly to the car, pausing only briefly to look up at Michael's window one last time. He was there, just as I knew he would be, watching me. He gave me a small smile, pulled his hand from his pocket, and gave a slight wave. I imitated him and took off again.

Michael Donovan was officially my past.

_**End Note: I like reviews. I'll send you a teaser if you leave me one **___


	26. With The Wind Comes The Rain

_**A/N: I don't own anything. I'm just fuckin' with the 'verse.**_

_**Rated M for a reason. Please don't read if you're not at least 18.**_

_**I love RemyKilday.**_

_**Much love and hugs to HammerHips, my Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

Chapter 25: With The Wind Comes The Rain

_Darkness, depression  
A wind of thought flows through my mind  
With it comes aggression  
Peace I cannot find  
I try to control my feelings  
I burst out crying  
My life is peeling  
I wish that I was dying  
Darkness, depression  
A wind of thought flows through my mind  
With it comes aggression  
Peace I cannot find  
With the wind comes the rain  
With the wind comes the rain  
With the wind comes the rain  
With the wind comes the rain..._

-"With The Wind Comes The Rain" by Godsend

_**Jasper POV**_

After Sage woke me up that morning, I hadn't been able to get back to sleep. Grimacing, I sat up and took a look around my room. She was right. Considering the neat-freaks we both were, this was pretty damn bad.

I hauled myself out of bed and into the shower, scrubbing myself clean, then I shaved and dressed before tackling the mess. Most of it was easy. It wasn't like I was Peter… Peter would eat something in bed, set the plate aside and leave it until it had grown hair and he had to name it.

_No. I'm definitely not as bad as Peter._

I didn't know how Charlotte dealt with that.

By the time Sage came back, I had it under much better control. "Hey." I greeted as she leaned in my doorway. "How's shit?"

She gave me a quavering smile and I could tell that although the tears had long since stopped, she'd been crying at some point.

"Better." She answered and her voice was hoarse.

I stared at her for a moment. "How's Michael?" her face fell and she moved to lay on my bed, her knees bent and legs dangling over the end. "Oh."

_Color me happy._

_With one of those big fuckin' boxes of crayons… the 120 count._

"It was just… time." She sighed. I laid down with my feet toward the head of the bed, my head next to hers.

"How'd he take it?"

She shrugged. "Well, I guess… all things considered. I told him it wasn't working… he kissed me goodbye… and I left."

"Do you regret it?" I asked, turning my head so that the tip of my nose grazed her cheek.

"No… and yes…" she rolled her eyes. "I regret that I hurt him… repeatedly… but it wasn't right and I don't regret cutting him loose so he can find that girl who can be everything he needs."

I nodded. "Makes sense." And then a thought struck me. "You were safe, right?"

"Jazz!" she whined.

"Seriously! I mean, you don't want to cut him loose only to find out a month or so down the line—"

"We _didn't_ have sex, Jasper." She cried, face red. I couldn't tell if she was embarrassed we were discussing her sex life or embarrassed that she was still a virgin.

Regardless, it shocked me into relative silence. "Oh." And then I cocked an eyebrow. "I thought—"

"We _just_ fooled around." She groaned. "Jazz, please… This is weirding me out." She reached up and unconsciously threaded her fingers in my hair. It was a gesture she rarely used, but one that I knew brought her comfort. It brought me comfort too. Sage touching me in any way always brought me comfort.

I closed my eyes and smiled, reaching up and imitating her. "I missed this." I murmured.

"Me too." She took a deep breath. "What time is it? I'm starving."

"Lunch time." I answered and rolled away and off the bed. "The usual?"

She smirked. "Duh."

I rolled my eyes. "Pick out a movie. I'll go order us up some grub."

We spent the rest of the day watching old Liz Taylor movies and spooning the way we did before Alice and Michael got in the way, falling asleep in the early evening and not waking until the next morning.

For some reason, waking up with Sage still in my arms felt like a new beginning, a fresh start for us. It was a way for us to leave behind all the bullshit of the past six months and move on, be better friends for it.

Smiling, I buried my face in her sweet smelling hair. It was the first time in weeks that I had held her or hugged her and she _didn't_ smell of traces of Michael's aftershave.

_Pure bliss… she smells like her again._

"Jas, are you _smelling_ me?" came a whiny groan from the pillow next to me.

I smirked into her hair. "Yeah. I like the scent of your shampoo."

"You're so _weird_." She rolled over and peered at me from under her bangs. "So… you're birthday's coming up." She lifted her head and propped it up on her elbow. "Anything you wanted to do?"

I shrugged. "Thought we might go up to Napa."

She smiled. "I'd like that."

"Good. I wasn't actually giving you a choice." I snarked.

"Fuck you, Whitlock." She groaned and rolled out of bed, stretching as she went. She reached her arms up over her head and bent so far backward she created a sort of rounded L out of her body. I winced when her hips, back, and shoulders popped. "Oh, fuck me sideways, that felt good." She rasped out through the constricted muscles.

"That's so fucking gross, Sage." I moaned. "I hate it when you do that."

She laughed. "Have you ever stopped to think that maybe that's why I do it? To watch you cringe."

"Bitch." I ground out, rolling onto my back and stretching. "So… Are we heading to Lompoc next week?"

"Yeah… I mean, I'd like to." She scowled. "Emmett still doesn't like me going down there."

"He giving you shit about it still?" I practically snarled.

"No… he just… doesn't speak to me for a few days after we come back."

I shook my head and rolled out of bed. "Sweetie, you need to not let him get to you."

"I know." She grumbled quietly then yawned. "Shower time." She walked into the bathroom, closed and locked the door behind her, and I heard the shower switch on.

My phone rang then and I checked the Caller ID: _Peter_.

"_Fucker."_ He greeted before I'd even had a chance to say "Hello".

"Asshole." I answered back.

"_So she's finally rid of the Power Tool. You must be ecstatic."_

_How the hell does he know this shit?_

"I take it Sage called Char then?"

"_No. I just got this niggling in the back of my brain that says she dropped the Power Tool like a bad habit and your way is free and clear."_

I rolled my eyes. "One, she's sad over it. I think she really cared about him. Two, I'm not gonna move in when she's been single for all of twenty hours."

There was a noise that sounded like a raspberry and then, _"Please! I moved in on Char before that dick Alistair was even out the fuckin' door! Well… Of course I did, she left him for me, but that's not the point. The point is—"_

"The _point_ is that I will do this _my_ way." I cut him off. "Now back off, Fucker."

"_Well excuse the fuck outta me. Fuckin' Emily Post needs to make a house call, apparently, because you ain't got no manners to speak of."_

I snorted. "Coming from you, that's a compliment. Oh… we wanted to come up next week."

"_We could have lives you know… We could be going out of town or—"_

"_Peter! Stop being an ass or I won't give you that blowjob later!"_ Charlotte's voice resounded in the background.

"_Shit, Baby, that ain't right!"_ he cried, then sighed. _"Fine. We'll see you next week… for your birthday."_

I'd scheduled my one week of vacation from the ranch to coincide with my birthday simply because I'd been working on my birthday for the past three years and it was time for a break. Rosalie had wanted to do a big dinner in the same fashion as Sage's, but I wasn't interested.

We would leave for Napa on Monday; my birthday was on Wednesday; and on Friday, we were set to drive straight down to Lompoc. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Emmett hadn't been thrilled in the least.

He and I had a chat Sunday evening. Apparently he was glad Sage's relationship had ended, he'd felt it had been moving too quickly. All I could do was internally smirk. He'd never bothered to speak to Sage about her relationship with Michael, let alone the breakup. All he knew was third-hand… from me to Rose and Rose to him.

I'd suggested maybe he should show a genuine interest in Sage's relationships if he wanted to weigh in on them, but he'd simply pulled a face.

Monday morning, however, did not go as planned at all. I awoke to screaming and shouting at quarter to six and groaned. The shouting was getting closer and I rolled my eyes, climbed out of bed, and strode to my bedroom door.

"You need to just fucking let it go! Stop reopening the wounds! You don't fucking get anything out of going down there!"

"It's _my_ choice! If I want to have a relationship with Dad, it's up to _me_! You don't have a right to—" Sage was cut off by a loud thud as something slammed into something else followed by a yelp and I yanked my door open, fearing I'd allowed him to manhandle Sage in my reluctance to butt-in.

Sage was backed against the far wall of our sitting room, Emmett blocking her way to her bedroom, his fist lost in a hole in the drywall of our hallway.

"Emmett, back up and off her now or I will drop you where you stand." I warned quietly.

"Fuck off, Jasper." He grunted over his shoulder.

"No. You just fuckin' put a hole in the wall and you've got your sister scared _again_."

He made a _psht_ sound in the back of his throat before saying, "I only did what you always do when you want to get her attention. Seems to work great for you."

"I smack a palm against something, I don't fuckin' punch anything! And I only do it when she's keeping shit from me!" I cried defensively.

I'd developed the habit when Rosalie and I were kids. When she was in charge of babysitting me, I was often left to my own devices because she never wanted to be responsible for me. Whenever I'd ask her when Mom would be home, she'd blow me off. I'd learned quickly that a sharp slap to any hard surface would generally catch her off-guard enough to make her pay attention. It was a reflex to do it with Sage when she was blowing me off or holding things back, but right then, with Emmett comparing it to him punching a wall, I felt sick for doing it.

"Right." He scoffed. He cocked his head back toward Sage and removed his fist from the wall. "Now you listen good, Sage Anne. I've entertained this bullshit for too long. You waste money and gas and _time_ going down there to see some guy who didn't care enough about you to stop drinking."

"He's always cared about me." She whispered, so low I almost didn't hear her, but there were tears in her eyes.

I heard Emmett suck his teeth a moment. "Who walked you to school every day? _I_ did. Who beat up Gavin Truesdale when he pushed you down in the dirt on the playground? _I_ did. Who read to you each night and woke you up each morning and fixed you breakfast and helped you pick out your school clothes? _I _did."

"Emmett, I was _six_!" she cried.

"Who went out and bought your first box of tampons for you? _I_—"

She cut him off immediately. "Amelia Aro." I did a double-take on that one, but let it be.

He brushed it off. "Fine. Second."

"Rosalie Hale." She answered again. "Just because you were _there_ doesn't mean you actually participated." She ground out. "You don't get to _decide_ that because you've occasionally done a selfless act and taken care of me that you get to call _Brother_ on me. He's _my_ dad, even if you don't want him. He's proud of me when you're not; he's happy for me when you're not; and he's just generally happy to see me, even when you're not. Even when he was drinking, I know he loved me. And I've _never_ been a burden to _him_."

Emmett's back and shoulders tensed. "You're not a burden." He whispered.

Sage scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Right." She imitated the tone he'd taken with me perfectly. It had to be a McCarty thing, because sure as I breathe, Rose and I couldn't muster that much disdain, loathing, and sarcastic "Fuck-Off-ishness" (Sage's word, not mine) into just one word.

"Sage, why would you—" he began, but she shook her head.

"You don't get to ask that, Emmett. You lost the right to get an answer to the question during that Family Session with Carmen."

He inhaled sharply. "So let's try it again… have another."

"I don't _want_ to!" she yelled so suddenly we both gave a start. It wasn't whiny, it wasn't petulant, but it expressed exactly how she felt. "I don't care if I ever fix shit with you anymore! You don't listen to me, you don't care what I say or how I feel or what I think! You never will! So why the hell would I want to fix shit?" she didn't wait for an answer as she stormed back to her room and slammed the door. I heard the lock click.

Now, Emmett's usually pretty perceptive with our traveling between each other's rooms through the bathroom, but he either didn't care or didn't notice the light padding moving across tile behind the wall. I, on the other hand, heard it perfectly. I also heard my closet door open, something shift, a soft _thwump_, and the door closed softly again.

"Just go, Emmett." I muttered. "I'm tired of you fightin' her on this. Seeing your dad has been good for her. I'm not doing this with you again."

I turned on my heel and headed back into my room, locking the door as I went. As I looked around, Sage was nowhere to be seen. I half-expected her to be curled up under my down comforter. It was her favorite hiding spot whenever Emmett was being a dick.

There was a soft humming sound coming from the direction of my closet. Raising an eyebrow, I strode over and opened the door. Sage was sitting at the bottom, one of my old BDU jackets wrapped around her shoulders. She'd slumped down into it so that half her face was obscured by the jacket, her eyes were closed, and she seemed to be talking to herself.

"Sage?" I asked. She ignored me and continued murmuring quietly to herself. I knelt down next to her. "Sage?" her eyes squeezed shut even tighter and she tensed so much that her muscles began to spasm. I leaned forward, pressing my ear to her cheek so that I could hear what she was saying.

"I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place…" over and over and over and over.

I inhaled sharply, wrapped my arms around her, and scooped her up. She never broke the rhythm of her mantra as I carried her quickly to my bed and sat down with her.

"… not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place."

I pressed a quick kiss to Sage's forehead and held her tightly. "Don't go to the Dark Place, Sweetheart. Come back here and be with me." I whispered.

"I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place."

"Please, Sage. Please, don't do this." I stroked her hair and she sunk even deeper into the jacket. "Sweetie, please?" I begged.

Her eyes sprang open at that and found mine immediately. Her face crumpled as I pulled the camouflage off her and tucked her head under my chin. "Jasper…" she sobbed, fisting my shirt.

_**Sage POV**_

Jasper and I hadn't intended to leave for Napa until 10AM, but I'd woken up early and couldn't get back to sleep. Of _course_ Emmett had been up making coffee. I'd forgotten it was his Monday to go into work early. And of _course_, as soon as I smelled the liquid caffeine, I'd bee-lined up the stairs for the coffee pot.

"You're up early." I froze momentarily before turning slowly away from the coffee pot to find Emmett watching me with a quirked eyebrow. "Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you."

"Uh… yeah…" I mumbled, turning back to the coffee pot. I pulled down a mug and poured myself a cup of coffee before turning to the sideboard and picking up Jasper's pack of cigarettes. Emmett rolled his eyes, but said nothing as I padded out to the patio.

"Sage, can we talk?" he asked, stepping out after me.

I took a long drag to buy myself time before I answered. "Uh… sure." I exhaled slowly, blowing the smoke away from Emmett. "What's on your mind?"

Emmett considered me for a long time before he finally answered. "Do you need to be medicated again?" I cocked an eyebrow at him and gave him a sidelong glance before turning my attention back to my cigarette.

I hadn't actually meant to pick up the habit as heavily as I had. It used to be that I could go weeks or even months without a smoke, but the worse things got with Emmett, the more confusing they got with Jasper, and the more depressing they got with the Me in my head, I found I was needing nicotine more and more to take the edge off. I started every morning with coffee and a cigarette now. I frequently bought cartons of cigarettes to replace the packs out of Jasper's stash that I was constantly stealing.

"Now why would you ask that, Emmett Wade?" I sighed, not bothering to look at him as I took another drag.

"Because I think you're slipping." He answered honestly. I could tell he was worried. I could tell it had taken everything in him to leave me alone while I sorted through my feelings for Michael and that Jasper was at least partially responsible for Emmett backing off. But he obviously hadn't missed that I had not appeared for meals, that I was dropping weight, that I was tired.

I shrugged. "It's nothing a few sessions with Carmen won't fix." I answered nonchalantly, stubbing out the cigarette and lighting another. I'd need more nicotine if I was adding Emmett to the morning mix.

"I don't believe that, Sage Anne."

"I didn't ask you to."

He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. "Sage, I'm only trying to help."

"Somehow, I doubt that." I snarked, trying to hold back a laugh and inadvertently choking on smoke.

"I think you should stop going to see Dad." I didn't respond. "I mean it."

"I appreciate your opinion and will place it in the Round File." I answered, taking another drag.

His brow furrowed. "The Round File?"

I nodded. "Yup." I exhaled more smoke and nodded to the large economy-sized trash can at the edge of the deck. "The Round File."

Emmett's eyes darkened immediately, but I didn't care.

Unfortunately for everyone, including me, I was _Not Caring_ about a lot of things these days. It seemed that along with my revelation that I did not _care_ for, could not _care_ for, would never _care_ for Michael, came the revelation that it was quite possible I _cared_ for very little indeed.

_Except Jasper._

_Yes, except him._

_Moving on._

"I wasn't asking." He replied harshly.

"Glad I didn't assume you were."

_Oh yes… I forgot how much fun our early morning, pre-sixth cup of coffee fights could be…_

_I think Uncle Charlie once threatened to lock us in the Forks PD for a weekend._

_Oh… wait… he did that. That wasn't a threat._

_It also wasn't fun._

I sighed and took another drag. "I'm not asking for permission because I don't need it. I don't particularly _care_ what you think. If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for it. As it stands, I don't and I'm not." I winced as Emmett's palm immediately slammed down onto the railing.

_Oh wow. Channel Jasper much?_

_At least when Jasper does it, I don't actually fear that my face is next._

I watched surreptitiously and took the last drag before stubbing out the cigarette. I knew it was coming, I just had to wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for…

"You will _not_ go down to Lompoc anymore."

There we go.

"OK." I answered off-handedly.

"I mean it!" he growled.

"OK." I answered again. I took up my mug, turned on my heel and headed back inside. I placed my mug in the sink and headed back toward the basement door, only to be stopped abruptly by Emmett's hand on my shoulder, spinning me around so quickly I lost my balance and toppled to the floor. "Ow, Emmett! What the hell was that for?" I yelled.

"Stop being such a bitch and actually _listen_ to me! Do you think I do this shit for my health? Do you think I get some sort of sick pleasure out of having to take care of you and boss you around and parent you? You're nineteen years old and I'm entirely too young to be a parent to a teenager!" he screamed back. He took a deep breath and held out his hand to me, but I slapped it away and stood on my own.

"I think you get off on having some degree of control over me! I think you've been bossing me around so long you don't know how to stop!" I recoiled quickly and threw up my arms to shield my face as Emmett's hand flew back, but he caught himself in time.

"I think you're ungrateful. And I think that if Dad knew the whole story, knew about your depression, your need to be _medicated_, he'd be with me on this."

_Oh fuck no._

_He did not just use my occasional need for the odd happy pill._

"Fuck you." I grumbled.

"What was that?" he asked angrily.

"FUCK YOU, EMMETT WADE MCCARTY! FUCK. YOU!" I screamed before turning on my heel and storming down the stairs.

"You need to just fucking let it go! Stop reopening the wounds! You don't fucking get anything out of going down there!" he yelled, thundering down the stairs after me.

I stopped in the sitting room.

_Bad._

_Fucking._

_Move._

Emmett placed himself at the mouth of the hallway, blocking me from getting to my room.

"It's _my_ choice! If I want to have a relationship with Dad, it's up to _me_! You don't have a right to—" I raged back, but he cut across me when he punched the wall and his fist embedded itself in the sheetrock. I gave an involuntary yelp just as Jasper's bedroom door whipped open and he stalked out.

"Emmett, back up and off her right now or I will drop you where you stand." Jasper snarled.

"Fuck off, Jasper." Emmett grunted.

"No. You just fuckin' put a hole in the wall and you've got your sister scared _again_."

Emmett made a sound in the back of his throat and lazily replied, "I only did what you always do when you want to get her attention. Seems to work great for you."

"I smack a palm against something, I don't fuckin' punch anything! And I only do it when she's keeping shit from me!" Jasper yelled.

"Right." He scoffed. He looked back at me and removed his hand from the wall. "Now you listen good, Sage Anne. I've entertained this bullshit for too long. You waste money and gas and _time_ going down there to see some guy who didn't care enough about you to stop drinking."

"He's always cared about me." I whispered, fighting back the tears that were threatening to escape.

Emmett's eyes narrowed at me and he asked, "Who walked you to school every day? _I_ did. Who beat up Gavin Truesdale when he pushed you down in the dirt on the playground? _I_ did. Who read to you each night and woke you up each morning and fixed you breakfast and helped you pick out your school clothes? _I _did."

"Emmett, I was _six_!" I yelled.

"Who went out and bought your first box of tampons for you? _I_—"

"Amelia Aro." I answered before he could claim it.

It was the truth. I'd gotten my first period the second day we were in Galveston. I'd been completely freaked out because, let's face it, Uncle Charlie and my brother weren't going to discuss it with me and Bella hadn't yet gotten hers. Amelia had found me sobbing in the bathroom at two AM. I thought I was hemorrhaging or had developed Ovarian Cancer at the tender age of twelve. She'd gone straight out to the all-night pharmacy and bought me pads and tampons and taught me how to use them. It wasn't nearly as embarrassing as it could've been, though it was pretty bad.

He brushed it off. "Fine. Second."

"Rosalie Hale." I answered again. "Just because you were _there_ doesn't mean you actually participated." I growled. "You don't get to _decide_ that because you've occasionally done a selfless act and taken care of me that you get to call _Brother_ on me. He's _my_ dad, even if you don't want him. He's proud of me when you're not; he's happy for me when you're not; and he's just generally happy to see me, even when you're not. Even when he was drinking, I know he loved me. And I've _never_ been a burden to _him_."

Emmett tensed at my words. "You're not a burden." He whispered.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Right." I imitated his tone with Jasper.

"Sage, why would you—" he began, but I cut him off with a shake of my head.

"You don't get to ask that, Emmett. You lost the right to get an answer to the question during that Family Session with Carmen."

It was the truth. We hadn't even made it ten minutes without him berating me, telling me how I _should_ be grateful to have a brother who was looking out for me; how I _should_ be thankful because not all brothers cared; how I _should_ stop pitting Jasper and he against each other.

Just the previous week, Carmen had given me a quirky little funny statement to work with and remind me of how to handle my issues: "Don't let anyone _should_ all over you."

I remember very clearly thinking that it applied to the situation perfectly.

He took a deep breath. "So let's try it again… have another."

"I don't _want_ to!" I yelled so sharply both men gave a start. "I don't care if I ever fix shit with you anymore! You don't listen to me, you don't care what I say or how I feel or what I think! You never will! So why the hell would I want to fix shit?" I didn't wait for an answer, instead marching to my room and slamming and locking the door. I didn't stay put though.

I couldn't.

I quietly walked through the bathroom and into Jasper's room.

I wanted to hide.

And I remembered that feeling. The wanting to hide.

_To be invisible. Truly, completely invisible._

Not invisible in the sense that my brother only noticed me when it suited him.

Not invisible in the sense that I was unpopular with kids at school.

I wanted to be invisible in the sense that I wasn't _here_. On Earth. At all.

Jasper was still in the hall with Emmett. I needed him, but I needed to hide too. I opened his closet quietly, shifted a suitcase over to the side and sat down in the corner before closing the door again. I raked my hand through his shirts and coats until I found one of the forest green standard issue BDU jackets he'd kept. I recognized it immediately because I'd written my initials in permanent marker on the inside seam of the left arm. He'd worn that exact BDU jacket to his Basic Graduation.

I yanked it down off the hanger and wrapped it around me, pulling it tight and sinking down into it before closing my eyes.

"I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place."

Somewhere in the distance, I heard the bedroom door open, and then the closet door, but it wasn't really registering in my attempts to keep grips on my sanity.

"I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place."

"Sage?" Jasper sounded so far away. "Sage?"

"I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place."

I felt something press against my cheek, soft and cool, and there was the sensation of my stomach dropping as he hoisted me into the air.

"I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place."

Something warm and soft touched my forehead and then I heard, "Don't go to the Dark Place, Sweetheart. Come back here and be with me."

"I will not go to the Dark Place. I will not go to the Dark Place." In my head, I was screaming it. I couldn't understand how Emmett hadn't pounced on me for this. He knew what any mention of the Dark Place meant… but Emmett wasn't here and he wasn't pouncing. Jasper was here. He was holding me. He was begging me not to go to the Dark Place.

"Please, Sage. Please, don't do this. Sweetie, please?"

I opened my eyes and immediately locked onto Jasper's. My bottom lip trembled and tears sprang to my eyes again. Before I could stop him, he'd yanked the jacket away from me and crushed me to his chest, tucking my head under his chin.

I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and let the sobs rip through my chest. "Jasper…"

_**End Note: Leave me a review, I'll send you a teaser **___


	27. Let Me In

_**A/N: Still don't own. You still don't sue.**_

_**This story is rated M for a reason. It contains adult situations, themes, and lemons. Please turn back now if you are under the age of 18.**_

_**RemyKilday is my kickass pre-reader.**_

_**HammerHips is my Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

Chapter 26: Let Me In

_I've been watching you and all you do  
For quite some time  
Knowing all the ins and outs of you  
I should've known what was on your mind  
But all the world is spinning round and round  
Inside my head tonight  
I will fall into the darkness  
And I fear I will never see the light  
So let me in  
All that I wanted from you  
Was something you'd never do  
So let me in_

-"Let Me In" by Save Ferris

_**Jasper POV**_

By the time I got Sage calmed down enough to shower and get ready to leave, Emmett and Rose had both left. I called Peter to let him know we'd be arriving later than we'd thought and then proceeded to load our bags into the loaner car.

I hated the Civic. It was a piece of shit and no good for off-roading; I could only think that just when I needed a truck most…

_Like to haul Emmett's body down to the Bay for dumping…_

I wouldn't have it.

Sage had been out of the shower for a while, so I knocked on her bedroom door, but there was no answer.

"Sage?" I asked. Still no answer. "Sage, open up or I'm coming in." I knew there was a risk of running into a completely indecent Sage, but I had reason to worry more about her mental and emotional state right now than her physical one. There was still no answer, so I turned the knob, not expecting it to budge, but it did.

The door swung open and I poked my head in. Sage was curled up in the fetal position on her bed, clad only in a green bra and matching boy shorts.

_So not the time, Jasper…_

I crossed the room to her and climbed into bed, spooning her. "Sagey, come on. Get up and get dressed."

"Go without me." She murmured. "I don't want to ruin your birthday."

I felt a growl rumble in my chest. "I don't give a _damn_ about my birthday, Sage. And I'm not leaving you here with _him_ for a week." She inched away from me and I tamped down the hurt that caused. "Sage, I'm not leaving you here with him. I know shit's not right… and I know you probably need to get in with Carmen sooner as opposed to later, but I'm not leaving you here with _him_. We'll go up to Napa and we'll ride and we'll swim and we'll be just us and we'll have fun… and then we'll go see your dad and then Monday, you'll call Carmen and get in to see her." I placed a hand on her back and frowned. She felt so cold. I couldn't tell if it was the drastic change in temperature from going from the scalding hot showers she took to the cool air conditioned room, or if there was something else I should be worried about.

"I just want to sleep." I could tell she was crying, even if I couldn't see her face.

"You can sleep in the car, Sweetheart. Please?" I was begging again.

I couldn't leave her with Emmett. I just couldn't. He'd been backing her into a corner nonstop for years. The brief break during the Michael Era didn't help things. Instead, Sage got used to it. When he started backing her into the corner again, she began to shut down.

_And I missed it… if it hadn't been for this morning, I'd have missed it completely._

I knew Sage well enough to know that that wasn't entirely true. I hadn't _missed_ it so much as she'd _hidden_ it from me. During one of our more frank conversations about her illness, she'd admitted that there were days where she knew Emmett just needed to see her happy, and so she'd acted. Convincingly. Because he needed that from her. But it always crashed down in the silence and loneliness.

I lifted my head and rested my chin on her stone-cold shoulder. "Sweetie, please?" I sighed again. "If you don't get up and move, I swear to God I'm just gonna dress you myself and haul your ass out to the car."

She heaved a sigh, reached up, and pushed my head away by my forehead before sitting up and sliding off the end of the bed. She disappeared into her closet and returned in a pair of jeans and an oversized black Godsmack hoodie that I knew had once belonged to me before she'd pilfered it.

I had to smile internally because I knew exactly _when_ she'd pilfered it: the day before she left Galveston, all those years ago. It had gone missing, I'd been upset because I'd thought my mother had thrown it away… and then my first letter from Sage had arrived the next week… with a ransom note.

I could even see the _JNW_ written in permanent ink on the tag that was sticking out at the back. She slid on her flip flops, grabbed a hair tie and quickly braided her hair to keep it out of her way before yanking the hood up over her hair. She grabbed her pillow from the bed and practically frog-marched herself out and up the stairs with me on her tail.

Once at the top though, she turned and started back down.

I caught her by the shoulders. "Nice try."

"I forgot something." She deadpanned.

"What did you forget?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow. She'd been packing for three days, there was no reason for her to forget anything.

She rolled her eyes. "I forgot the weed."

I rolled my eyes at her and sighed. "Fine, don't tell me, but get your butt back up here."

She slumped back down the stairs and into her room and emerged a moment later with a couple packs of cigarettes. I waited at the top of the stairs patiently, knowing she needed that from me right now.

"You know, _he_ wanted me to get you to quit." I sighed as I locked the front door behind us. She didn't respond, but simply climbed into the car, buckled herself in, and lit a cigarette. I hit the button to crack the window so she could flick her ash out and lit one for myself as I put the car in gear and pulled out of the spot.

She didn't speak the whole way. She simply pressed her forehead to the glass and as soon as one cigarette was done, she immediately lit another.

"Sage, Sweetie?" I reached over to grab her hand but she pushed my grasping fingers away. I sighed. "Sweetie, please tell me what to do… I'm at a loss here." She continued to ignore me, lost in her own little world as she puffed away.

_I guess I'm about to see what I missed._

My phone buzzed and I yanked it out of my pocket to open the text message from Peter.

_**You are really going to have to trust me on this one.**_

I was immediately worried, but couldn't respond and drive.

As soon as we pulled up, Sage let herself out of the car in a lump of black cotton, her eyes trained on the ground, her hair obscured by the hood.

Peter and Char were on the porch swing waiting for us, but Sage grabbed her bag herself and death-marched into the house. Peter and Char's worried gazes followed after her.

"Why do I need to trust you on this one?" I asked him.

He sighed. "She's slippin' bad. Char, Baby, go check on her." Charlotte nodded and immediately disappeared into the house.

"Why do I need to trust you?" I repeated.

Peter sucked his teeth. "Because if Char comes back out and tells me what I think she's gonna tell me," he dug in his pocket and pulled out a joint. "Then Sage is gonna be smokin' some grass today."

"Absolutely not." My tone was dangerous. "No. Absolutely not. Pete, if it's bad enough, she needs prescription medication. She needs actual pharmaceuticals, not self-medication."

"It's not the hard stuff, and don't get all self-righteous. You forget that time we had leave at the same time and the giant water bong. I _know_ you're not innocent." I glared at him. "Jasper, if she's slipping that bad, then right now what she needs from us is for us to let her forget… even for a little while. And I am not above teachin' her the finer points of weed to do it."

That struck something within my brain. What had Sage said before we left?

"_I forgot the weed."_

I hadn't taken her seriously. Should I have?

Charlotte returned a moment later, her eyes slightly glazed over in thought. "She's bad off. I don't think I've even seen a kid at the Center in as bad a way as she is right now."

I'd forgotten that Charlotte was a counselor by trade. Her specialty was At-Risk Youth.

She sighed and pulled a plastic bag out of her pocket and handed it to me. I recognized the contents immediately and felt the blood drain from my face.

"I think she's been self-medicating for a while… at least a few days."

_Well, that answers the question of whether or not I should've taken her seriously._

"How could I have missed this?" I croaked.

"Because she wanted you to. Sugar, you have to remember that just like addicts, people with emotional problems can hide it really well when they _need_ to… and for some reason, Sage obviously felt the _need_ to keep you in the dark."

I couldn't take anymore. I strode straight into the house and down the hallway to Sage's room. She had flopped face-down on the bed, not even bothering with the covers or the pillow. And when I say face-down, I mean literally _face-down_… as in one might suffocate that way.

"Sage Anne McCarty, get up." I ordered. Her one hand rose up off the comforter and three fingers folded down, displaying her middle finger in an awkward twist of the wrist. I sighed and sat down. "Sage, have you been self-medicating?" the hand dropped back down with a dull _thud_. I took it as a _yes_. "How long?" she didn't answer. "How long?" I pressed.

She turned her face to the side, but it was still covered by the hood. "A few days."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want you to know."

"Why not?"

"Because I can handle it."

"You're not handling it very well." I ground out.

"Fuck you, Jasper."

_Oh fuck no._

I grabbed her around the middle and roughly lifted her, hauling her flailing form through the air until I laid her across my lap.

"Jasper! FUCKING LET ME GO!" she screamed and then shrieked and half-sobbed as I brought my hand down sharply against her backside. She struggled and clawed at the arm I was using against her back to keep her in place as I brought my hand down once more and then I dumped her on the floor.

"I warned you last time, Sage, I was not gonna hear any form of that again."

Her face was red with humiliation as tears streamed down her cheeks and her jaw was clenched so tight a muscle was twitching. I held out my hand to help her up but she smacked it away.

"Sage, don't start something you can't finish."

"Fuck. You. Jasper. Whitlock." She enunciated each word to ensure I wouldn't miss a one.

My anger flared immediately, licking at my insides and forcing a growl out.

I moved to turn her over my knee again, but Peter and Char appeared in the doorway and Charlotte immediately planted herself between us. "You need to let this one go, Jasper." She told me quietly.

"Charlotte, I don't—"

"Jasper, you need to back off our girls right now." Peter warned. "I realize you're having an issue with Sage having issues right now, but your anger is not helping her any. Look at her. Look at her face."

And I did. And what I saw there nearly broke me. She was scared of me. I'd hit her and she was scared of me.

"Sage, Sweetie, why don't you come out on the porch and have a sit with me. I'll teach you how to properly roll a joint." Peter called, extending a hand to her. Her eyes never left me until she took ahold of his fingers and turned to walk outside with him.

_She's afraid to turn her back on me._

_I fucking hit her. I can't believe I fucking hit her._

_I never actually intended… no matter how much I threatened…_

"I'm out of my element here, Char." I sighed, sitting down on the bed.

"I know you are, Sugar." She whispered. "But forcing her to do one thing or the other… to talk to you or do what you want her to do… that kind of treatment is probably what brought all this on. Am I right?"

It felt as though she'd slapped me. "I haven't done—"

"Not _you_ per se, but I'm guessing Emmett?" she cut me off. I nodded. "I've seen a change in her… the last time ya'll were here, I saw it too, but I didn't want to say anything in case I was wrong… this isn't new. When's the last time she was medicated properly?"

"A couple years ago." I answered as best I could. I really didn't have that kind of information. Sage referred to the medication both as "Happy Pills" and as "Stiflers", depending on what she was remembering. Most of the time she'd felt stifled by the pill, but there were bad days, she'd said, where it was welcome to not be able to _feel_.

She mulled that over for a while. "It could be a fluke. A minor relapse that'll work itself out once she's able to wrap her head around everything… I've seen it happen with kids at the center." She told me quietly, though she didn't sound hopeful.

I shook my head. "Charlotte… I can't believe I hit her. I _hit_ her!" I felt a sob building in my chest. "I've never laid hands on any woman in anger… and I got angry and I saw red and I didn't hesitate… I just flipped her over my knee and I _hit_ her!" I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes in an attempt to keep the tears at bay.

"Sage'll forgive you." She told me confidently. I shook my head. "Yes, she will." She sighed, sitting next to me. "Sugar, you and she have one of the most seriously complicated relationships I've ever seen… and I've seen a _lot_. You're both headstrong as all get out. The difference is that you didn't have _anyone_ takin' care of you. Sage has never known how to stand on her own because she's never been allowed." I nodded. It was the truth. "But when she's with you, you hold her hand, but you make her stand on her own two feet. You're there to catch her, but you don't hold her up. Or back. That's the important distinction you need to remember. She does. Deep down, she knows you didn't mean to hurt her. It just may take a while for the fog to clear." She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Sage will forgive you, Jasper. And when she does, you'll both be better together. Better for each other."

I choked a laugh. "You've been talking to Peter." I deadpanned.

"No." Char answered. "I know a bit more of the intimacies of Sage's mind than you do… Now don't misunderstand," she held up her hands in surrender as my head shot up to glare at her. "You are still the All-Knowing Guru of Sage, but there are things she's too embarrassed to tell you… things she can't ask you… things she needs a woman for. I'm just the sounding board when she's too embarrassed to talk to you."

"She should never be embarrassed." I grumbled.

"Jasper, I doubt very highly you would know much about the topics we discuss." I cocked an eyebrow at her. "What it's like to have an abortion? What it's like to miscarry? What it's like to be beaten to a bloody pulp by your man?" I winced.

Alistair. She was talking about Alistair.

Char was more weathered and worn than she let slip. Whereas Peter and I had physical scars detailing our troubles, Charlotte's were the worst kind. The invisible kind.

From what Peter had told me, which admittedly wasn't much, Alistair had been an abusive prig. When he found out Charlotte was pregnant at the tender age of sixteen, he'd beaten her until she miscarried. When he realized two years later that he was beginning to lose her because Peter had come into her life and shown her how a real man treated his woman, he began routinely raping her in an attempt to get her pregnant to keep her. He'd succeeded. But the day Peter took Charlotte's things out of Alistair's trailer, she was down at the Women's Health Clinic. Erasing Alistair completely.

It wasn't something either of them liked to talk about and I couldn't blame them. I could barely stand to think of it without quaking in anger.

Finally, I nodded and stood. I looked once more at Char and she gave me a nod of encouragement before I walked back out to the porch. Peter was lounging on the swing, his feet propped on the porch rail, twirling a lit joint between his fingers.

When he noticed me, he held it out. "Puff puff pass." He sighed.

_Oh… what the hell?_

I took it from him and took a long pull, holding the smoke in as long as I could before exhaling. I coughed roughly. It had been a while. A very long while.

"She's taken Diablo over to the paddock." He told me nonchalantly. "Girl holds her smoke like she holds her rum. Not well." He glanced up at me to see if I caught his meaning. "She's pretty Zen right now. You know… if you wanna go talk to her."

_**Sage POV**_

Peter wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to lean against him as he pulled a joint from his pocket and sparked it. He took a long draw and handed it to me.

"Pull slow… don't put your lips on the paper." He sighed as he let the smoke trickle from between his lips.

"I know how to do this." I sighed, taking a long pull.

He smirked. "He didn't mean to."

We both knew who he was talking about, but I didn't respond, instead taking another long draw from the joint. My head was already starting to buzz. Peter's stuff was a lot stronger than what I'd managed to get my hands on.

He sighed and licked his lips before taking the mother of all head buzzes back from me. "I think he's really lost. He's never seen you like this." He kissed my forehead. I knew it was a platonic gesture. Something I'd never been quite sure of with Jasper. "You're good at acting when you want to, Sage. Do you know, I've seen you try to lie to him. You suck. But when you're lying to yourself? The whole world buys it. Well," he thought a moment. "Lying to yourself about _some_ things, the whole world buys it."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I muttered.

"When's the last time you were happy? Like really and truly, No Holds Barred, Nothin's Gonna Stop Me Now _happy_?"

I had to think long and hard on that one. I reached for the joint and took another pull as I thought, holding the smoke in for longer than usual in an attempt to force the answer to my brain. "Prom… I think."

Peter cocked an eyebrow at me and I shrugged.

"It's the last time I remember being happy. At least," I sighed. "Happy the way you say."

He nodded. "But we all bought it. Because you believed it. You had yourself so fooled that just because Jasper was back, because he was playing the Hero and controlling Emmett, that you were happy. You convinced yourself that Michael made you happy, and we believed it too. You convinced yourself that everything was peachy and fine and because we all love you, we wanted to believe you. And because Jasper believing it was the most important to you, you worked extra hard at it. So hard, you didn't even notice yourself slipping because you were too focused on believing you were OK."

I choked and pulled a cigarette out of the front pocket of Jasper's old hoodie. I lit it and took a long drag. "I'm used to this empathic psychobabble from Jasper… from you… Pete…" I took another drag before I'd finished exhaling the first. "It's just fucking weird." He cracked a smile at me and I couldn't help but return it. "I think I'm gonna go see Diablo." I sighed.

"I don't want you riding while you're buzzed." He warned.

I shook my head. "Maybe I'll lead him over to the paddock? Let him walk a bit? I know you don't get to take him out as much as he should be because you're so busy."

Peter nodded and handed me a plastic Ziploc bag for my cigarette butts. "I know you've got at least two packs in that pocket. And I don't wanna be raking up butts for a week." I smirked and stood.

Before I left him, I turned and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, Peter."

"Always, Sage." He gave my braid a gentle tug and I left him.

I made my way over to the barn and stubbed out my cigarette in the butt can before I entered. The horses hated smoke in the barn. Coley had kicked Peter square in the chest once when he'd been smoking while mucking the stalls.

_In fairness, it's also not safe… all the hay to catch fire._

I grabbed the lead from the peg next to Diablo's stall and opened it slowly, smiling as Diablo turned his eyes on me. "Hey, D." I sighed. "How are you?" I stepped in and placed my hand on his flank, slowly running it up to his shoulder before taking the halter and attaching the lead. "Stuff's not so good right now. I'm sorry I can't ride you right now." I patted his neck and he nudged me with his nose. "You wanna walk around and eat some grass? I'll try to swipe you an apple on the way." I clicked my tongue and coaxed him out and around to the paddock. I grabbed an apple from the barrel just outside the barn and stopped to feed it to him before opening the gate and leading him in. I closed and locked the gate, took the lead off, and hopped up on the fence to watch him wander.

I extracted another cigarette from the pack in my pocket and lit it. I knew my lungs would begin rebelling soon. I'd exceeded my normal nicotine limit before noon. Even though it had to be well after two, the sun was still high and blinding. The air was sweltering and it probably wasn't the best idea to be so covered in the late June heat, but I couldn't help it.

One of the largest indicators of my illness was my desire to hide. It was how I knew I was headed for the Dark Place.

That was always what I'd called it. There was no other way to describe it. Emmett had always been frustrated by that name though because it wasn't tangible to him, it didn't _exist_ to him. When I'd first gotten sick, he'd just assumed it was all in my head.

_How very true_.

_Right words… wrong context._

He couldn't understand why I couldn't just snap out of it.

But I couldn't get out of the Dark Place. When I was there, I felt smothered and suffocated and hopeless. I felt worthless and abandoned and unwanted. But I couldn't make him understand it when I could hardly verbalize it to begin with.

Once, before I'd been medicated, I had managed to get my hands on some Oxycodone, thanks to Mike Newton and his stellar connections. I'd _loved_ that feeling. Completely numb to the world, not just the physical pain. The medication had set my brain abuzz so much so that it was difficult to concentrate on any one thing for longer than a moment. It was freeing.

A brief reprieve.

A beautiful respite.

I liked how it felt not to feel.

No pun intended.

The painlessness… was astounding.

It dawned on me then that I _had_ Oxycodone. I'd completely forgotten about them. I'd met a guy named James on campus who claimed to be a "Pharmacist". Everyone knew that meant he was a dealer. I'd purchased twenty pills for $200. At the time, a wise investment. I'd hidden them in my keyboard case. Since no one else in the house played keys, it was a guarantee they wouldn't be found there.

_Well… damn. I forgot the wrong drug._

I hadn't been medicating with it. My emotional state wasn't such that I felt like I didn't need them, but it made me feel better to have them. I was scared to go back to antidepressants, and there was the vague and perhaps slightly stupid notion in the back of my brain that said the Oxycodone would at least put off any need of returning to them.

The antidepressants were… grounding.

They made me feel heavy… mentally speaking. It took longer to process _everything_. Jasper would never know how difficult the letters were to write to him while I was medicated. The words wouldn't come. And because I hadn't wanted him to know that something was wrong, it had taken me much longer to process through things that I _could_ write about. Most nights I'd sat at my desk with a dictionary and a thesaurus so that I could look up the meanings of words before I wrote them, ensuring that I wouldn't slip to him or put in an ambiguous word that might alert him to the issue. My medicated brain was slow and didn't work as well. For a while, my grades slipped, but I managed to muddle through and pull them back up.

If not for that brief lapse in grades, my guidance counselor had said I would've been Valedictorian.

Even that didn't much matter to me.

Though I'd brushed it off and said I hadn't cared, Emmett not showing up to my graduation had altered me. Some knob had twisted, some switch had flipped in my brain that day.

_That was the day I realized I was a burden. A worthless, meaningless burden. Emmett couldn't wait to get rid of me…_

_STOP!_

_Right NOW!_

The soft footfalls in the grass alerted me that I was not alone. I didn't turn, but I knew who it was. I'd always know that scent of worn leather, soap, and cologne. I took a long drag off my cigarette and yanked the pack from my pocket, holding it behind me to offer him one.

The box slid from my fingers and I listened as he opened it, pulled one out, and packed it lightly against the box.

_I always was shit at packing cigarettes properly._

I slid the lighter out of its spot in my sleeve and handed it to him. There was the familiar click, the inhale and the sound of the paper and tobacco catching, and then the long exhale. He placed the pack and lighter back in my hand just in time. I stubbed out my cigarette, placed the butt in the plastic bag, and lit another.

We were quiet for a long time, Jasper and I. There wasn't much to be said. At least not from where I was currently sitting on the emotional field. But we were there. Me on the fence (figuratively as well as literally), him behind me. Watching. Waiting.

For what, I don't know.

I wasn't sure I ever would.

Finally, he drew in a shuddering breath and I knew he needed me to speak first. He didn't want to force his company on me, he needed me to speak and let him know that I still wanted him in my life.

I looked down at my toes, smirking slightly. I'd painted them black last week. It hadn't even dawned on me when I chose the color. I hadn't used it in years. I used to paint the number of toes according to my emotional pain scale. How interesting that before I realized I was slipping, I'd fallen into an old habit.

_And strange that I hadn't noticed the hiding. I hid from Michael frequently. That should've been a tip-off._

I was always a surprisingly introspective depressive.

Which was depressing.

It wasn't like I didn't know what my issues were. I spent a lot of time thinking on them. It wasn't like I had anything better to do. When Jasper had lived in Texas, when he'd been in Virginia, Iraq… there hadn't been anyone to speak to. It wasn't like Emmett was interested. He simply expected me to take my pills, go to therapy, and be fixed.

_Like a watch._

_Or a piece of furniture._

"Emmett almost smacked me this morning." I whispered. I felt, rather than heard him tense. "Almost. He stopped in time." I sighed and flicked ash off the end of my cigarette. "Guess it fits. One man in my life constantly wants to backhand me, the other'll settle for turning me over his knee. How funny is it that Emmett treats me like a child in every other way… and you discipline me like one."

The words were bitter and angry and I knew they must be tearing at him. I'd seen the shattered look on his face as I'd left with Peter. We'd caught each other and picked a fight at the wrong time. He wasn't prepared to deal with this and to him, it had come on so suddenly he was still playing Catch-Up. So of course, my anger had only fueled his.

_Still…_

_My ass hurts._

"Sage, I'm so sorry. I had no right to hit you. I had no right to even put hands on you and I am _so sorry_." He whispered, his voice cracking with nearly every word. He sounded as though he'd been crying, though thinking of him that way only made _me_ want to cry.

I believed him though.

Unlike Emmett who had several times in my life raised his hand and stopped himself, Jasper had never raised his hand to me.

There was a difference there.

It may not have been obvious to the casual observer… someone who'd cry abuse at either situation… but the difference was there. It was in the details, the subtle context. In a way, Jasper had been trying to knock sense into me. It hadn't worked, but I couldn't very well blame him for trying. There had been days I'd wanted to throw myself against a wall to achieve that end.

I'd gone cliff diving instead.

It hadn't worked.

And by _it_, I mean my biggest secret of all. The one no Therapist, not Doctor Caius, not Jasper or Emmett or Uncle Charlie or Bella knew.

The boys down at the Rez didn't know.

I hadn't intended to survive the jump.

In my right mind, I knew I was lucky for that and that maybe one day I'd do it again for the adrenaline high it was meant for.

In my unmedicated depressive mind, all I could think was that I couldn't even die right.

Go figure.

Jasper broke me out of my thoughts again. "Sage… I need to know if… if you can…"

"Forgive you?" I asked. I put my cigarette to my lips only to find it was nothing but ash. I sighed and took another cigarette out and lit it, thinking all the while. Instead of answering him, I knocked on the fence beam I was sitting on. He climbed over the fence and sat next to me as I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees. When I finally had the ability to speak around my mess of thoughts, my voice was hoarse with emotion. "Of course I forgive you. You're Jasper." I turned my head to watch as he hung his head in shame. "Stop it, Jas. I'm fucked up enough for both of us right now, no need for you to make me feel guilty because you feel guilty."

"I never should've—"

I sighed. "Jas, you remember when I went to the frat party?" I interrupted. I had introspection to accomplish and he was slowing my roll.

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Yes." He replied hesitantly.

"And you remember the fight we had? How bad it was? And then I came home and we were making up and got in _another_ fight?" he nodded. "And remember the next morning, when I came to apologize and that was all I did? You remember what you said to me?"

Jasper sighed, but gave me a weak smile. "I said that if you kept apologizing, we'd never get back to normal."

"Exactly." I took a drag off my cigarette and turned to watch Diablo's slow progress through the paddock. I'd never realized horses could eat so much.

We sat there the rest of the afternoon, smoking in silence and watching Diablo.

_**End Note: Leave review=Receive teaser.**_


	28. Happy Birthday

_**A/N: I still don't own anything.**_

_**This story is rated M for a reason. If you're under 18, please do not read. It contains adult situations and future lemons.**_

_**RemyKilday is a sexy biotch and a kickass pre-reader.**_

_**HammerHips is a sexy Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

Chapter 27: Happy Birthday

_Happy birthday to you._

_Happy birthday to you._

_Happy birthday, Dear Jasper._

_Happy birthday to you._

_**Sage POV**_

I slept better that night than I had in ages—possibly ever. I woke up refreshed, maybe even _perky_, which was odd for me. I've never been a morning person.

I'd accomplished quite a bit during my quiet time at the paddock. I knew that the problems were not only within me; that there were things that needed to change. I had to stop _reacting_. It was time for _action_.

First order of business was to confront Emmett.

Second was to find a competent Psychiatrist. Even if I didn't want or didn't _need_ medication, I needed to take steps. If I didn't want to be back on the stiflers, I needed to get a handle on things. Carmen had been wonderful, but she couldn't monitor me and take steps.

Even if a Psychiatrist committed me for a few weeks and began a therapy regiment, it was only meant to help and I needed to deal with that reality.

_Maybe I do need to be back on the pills._

_Let's not jump the gun._

This was the difference between a Chronic and a Clinical. For a Clinical, sometimes there really was a light at the end of the tunnel. Right now, for me, it was Jasper. I was holding on for him.

When I used to hold on for Emmett, it was different. It was because I felt obligated to… because I didn't want to be an even bigger burden.

Holding on for Jasper was a foreign experience altogether. He was good for me. He gave me confidence, allowed me to be myself, to make mistakes (though he had admittedly tried to prevent some, understandably). The difference, again, was in the details and subtle context.

Jasper didn't want me to be better because it would make his life easier. He wanted me better because he couldn't bear the thought of me being ill. I found I liked that a lot.

Smiling, I entered the kitchen and poured myself a mug of coffee. Peter was at the table with a stack of pancakes a mile tall, drenching them in syrup.

"Morning, Short Stack." He greeted.

"Morning." I glanced around. "Where's Jasper? He wasn't in his room."

"He's out in the shed. Finally decided to break out his motorcycles, but then he remembered he had repairs to do before he could do that." He rolled his eyes before settling them on me in a piercing gaze. We stood there for a long time, staring at each other. "You need to tell him."

I froze. I _knew_ what Peter was talking about and he knew I knew… but I couldn't figure out how he _knew_, you know?

"Yes. I do need to tell him." I replied, still half-frozen.

He gave me an encouraging smile. "He won't understand. But he cares too much to not forgive you."

"How do you—"

"I just know shit, OK?" he cried, squeezing the syrup bottle a little too hard and draining it completely. "Shit would be so much easier if people would just _listen_ to me and stop asking inane questions!"

I rolled my eyes. "Guess that's my cue." I walked back to my room and pulled out a thin gray cotton hoodie and a pair of jeans. I was disappointed in myself for not catching on to the fact that I was hiding sooner. It had always been a sign my medication needed to be adjusted. Of course, unmedicated, I hid a lot more. And I was usually pretty bad at it.

Regardless, I dressed quickly and refilled my mug before exiting the house and heading to the shed. The doors were thrown open and the fluorescent lights blazed, but Jasper was obviously too deep within the structure to be seen from the angle of the house.

As I got closer, I smelled cigarette smoke and when I finally got to the entry, I had to smirk at the sight that met my eyes.

Jasper, in typical fashion, was dressed in his rattiest jeans and a gray Army T-shirt, covered in grease. His hands were black with it, there were stains on the shirt and jeans, and there was a smear of it on his forehead where it looked like he'd gone to wipe sweat off his brow and forgotten momentarily about his hands being covered in the grimy substance. A lit cigarette dangled from his lips and he puffed easily on it. I'd never been good at that.

He looked up at me and gave me a small smile. "Morning."

"It is." I snarked, stepping inside and examining the bike he _wasn't_ working on. A Harley Davidson, though anything else about it escaped me other than the color: Blood red.

At present, he was doing something or other with a torque wrench to a black and red Honda CBR-600. I knew crotch rockets well. I'd always wanted one.

_And Emmett would kill me if I ever plopped my ass on one._

He was examining me carefully. His green eyes were piercing through me and I found myself tensing in order to remain still under his gaze. Finally, he focused back on the Honda and said, "You look like you slept well."

"I did."

"Didn't hear the coyotes at all?" he asked, glancing up at me. I quirked an eyebrow and he smiled and sat back on his heels, pulling the cigarette from between his lips. "Peter said there's a pack of coyotes running around the ranch at night. We heard them last night after you went to bed. Had to go out to the barn and make sure all the horses were locked in good and tight." He was watching me carefully. I simply nodded.

"I didn't hear a peep. But I usually don't. I'm dead to the world when I sleep." He grimaced at my choice of words and I rolled my eyes. His reaction to that simple turn of phrase was not about to help my situation. "Jas…" I took a deep breath and averted my eyes to the Harley.

_Not like this. You need to look him in the eye._

"Sage?" he asked.

"I need to be honest with you about something." He cocked an eyebrow at me and stood, pacing to the entrance and stubbing out his cigarette in the butt can there before turning and grabbing several sheets of grease towels and attempting to wipe his hands clean. When he was done, he returned and leaned against the Honda as I leaned against the Harley.

He folded his arms over his chest and shifted carefully. "Alright." He sighed. "Hit me with it." It was my turn to pull a face at his words.

I took a deep breath. "When… I told you about my depression… I wasn't… _completely_ honest before." That one eyebrow shot up again and _Major Pain In The Ass_ was about to present himself. He was going to be pissed, I don't care what Peter said.

_Peter never said he wouldn't be pissed. He said he'd forgive me._

_Because the Fortune Fucker Cookie is _never_ wrong._

_Well going off his track record—_

_Moving on._

"OK." Jasper prompted. "But you're gonna be completely honest now?"

I sighed. "Before I was…" I rolled my tongue and pursed my lips. I hated talking about this. It made me feel like a crazy person and the words had never even left my mouth. "Before I was medicated, I was really bad for a while." I stopped and took a breath. He waited, frozen in place and I could tell he was watching everything, taking everything in.

Jasper was good at reading me. He always had been. It was his gift. He was too perceptive sometimes because he could _tell _me how I felt and he wasn't wrong. He was analyzing everything about me: my posture, my stance, the way I was holding my head, and he was putting it together in his _Sage File_ and comparing it to past experiences to tell him what was going on.

"Jas… I tried to kill myself… once."

He froze completely. He fucking tensed up and froze completely. His muscles were wound so tight I could see his biceps twitching from the strain. It made me nervous.

_Jasper_ did not just tense up and freeze.

_Jasper_ was Mister Calm-Cool-Collected.

I rarely ever saw him lose it. He made a point not to in front of me.

I shifted uncomfortably and his eyes didn't even follow the movement.

"Jasper, please say something." I winced as his jaw cracked as he ground his teeth together, but he remained silent. "Jazz? Please?"

"How?" it seemed to be the only thing he could think to ask, though his expression told me he didn't really want to know.

"Jumped off a cliff." I grumbled and his expression turned murderous. "Most people cliff dive down at La Push… I just… I don't know, I guess I hoped my body wouldn't be able to take impact from the higher cliff." That didn't help my case one bit. He was visibly shaking with rage. "Jas, please—"

I stopped as he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "_Why_?" I gave a start. It wasn't the question that took me by surprise, but his voice. His voice was so… _small._ _Weak._ It was unsettling because this was _Jasper_ and in my mind's eye, Jasper was neither of those things.

I made a move to hug him but he held up a blackened hand and I immediately stepped back. Jasper had never _not_ wanted me to touch him before.

_Still have to answer his questions. Look him in the eye. He deserves the truth._

Sighing, I leaned back against the Harley again. "I've never… fully figured that one out." He shot me a look and I held up my hands. "I know that I wanted to be better and I wasn't. I know I was frustrated with kids at school, Emmett, people in general…" I looked down at my feet. "I wasn't medicated at the time. I wasn't even aware I needed to be. So when Uncle Charlie took me down to La Push for the afternoon, instead of walking up to Seth's like I was supposed to, I just… hiked to the cliffs." I drew in a shuddering breath. "I think it started out that I just wanted to clear my head… thought that maybe the view and the ocean would put things into perspective." I shook my head. "And then I just started thinking about how useless and worthless I felt and how much I wished it would just _end_." Hot tears began pouring down my cheeks before I could stop them. "And I just… I just _jumped_ and prayed that it would, you know?"

Jasper had gone back to being frozen, his eyes fixed on some point beyond me. He wasn't moving. I could barely see his chest expand with his breathing. His lips were drawn into a tight, thin line and his muscles were tensed and drawn tight.

"Jas—"

"Go." He cut me off.

I was taken aback. He'd never been this angry with me before and I wasn't handling it well. "Jazz, I—"

"Sage," he bit out harshly and he turned his back on me, bracing his arms on the bike. "You fucking _lied_ to me. I asked you how bad it was and you _knew_ this was something I should've known. I can't fucking do this right now. I can't. Go!"

I took a deep breath and walked quickly and quietly out of the shed and back to the house. Peter was waiting for me on the porch swing, a sad look in his eye.

"Give him a minute."

"Shut up, Peter." I mumbled, wiping tears away.

"Give him a—"

"Sage!" I hung my head. Apparently he wasn't as done as he thought he was. "Sage!"

Peter sighed and stood, patting me on the shoulder as he headed inside. "Give him a minute."

I didn't bother to turn. If he'd finally found his voice and was about to yell, it'd be a hell of a lot easier to take with my back to him and my eyes on my pink high tops.

He stopped right behind me and I felt a light tugging on my hoodie. I knew he was probably getting grease on me, but neither of us cared. When I didn't move, however, he sighed and stepped up as close to me as he could get, on the second step up on the porch. The difference in elevation of me being on the porch proper put me at height with his shoulder.

The only reason I knew that was because he startled me by wrapping his arms around my middle and pulling me back against him and my head clunked against his shoulder. He pressed his cheek into my neck and began murmuring "I'm sorry" repeatedly.

"I wasn't prepared…" he said after what seemed like an eternity. "I wasn't prepared for you to tell me that. I thought you'd told me everything before and I can't help but feel I've failed you in some way because you felt you couldn't come to me."

"You didn't fail me." I whispered. "How was I supposed to tell you? After everything I kept from you, this as well?"

He hugged me tighter. "Then I did fail you. Because if I'd done it right, you'd never have hesitated."

"You didn't fail me, Jasper." I sobbed. "This is about me failing and—"

"Stop." He commanded. "Right now. Just stop."

He'd known where I was going.

_Straight to self-loathing for me._

_Trip's been cancelled. Get a refund._

He sighed and I felt him turn his face into my neck. "Where do you go from here?"

_Shit._

I wasn't planning on discussing my order of operations with anyone. It gave someone a chance to talk me out of it… and if I heard myself discuss it, I might talk myself out of it.

But I couldn't keep anything regarding this from him anymore.

"I need to have a talk with Emmett." I sighed. There was pressure on my back as he pushed me forward and then pulled me backward. I wasn't completely aware of what he was doing until he draped me across his lap as he sat down on the swing.

"I don't think I like the sound of that." He mumbled.

I shook my head. "I don't either, Jazz, but I have to." I replied, resting my head against his shoulder.

"Well… I guess if it goes really bad, we could always come back up here next weekend." I shrugged. "You don't want to?"

"I need to speak with a Psychiatrist." I deadpanned. "If they want to do an O and E, I may not be around next weekend."

"An O and E?"

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I hated talking about this with him. I wanted things to be normal again. I wanted to be normal again. "Observation and Evaluation. They try to do them from Friday to Sunday for people who don't pose a threat to themselves or others… It's a lot of therapy and group work and sometimes pharmaceutical regiments if they want to start one."

Jasper's grip around me tightened. "But it would only be for a little while." He was trying to sound confident.

"Seventy-two hours of Looney Bin. Fun stuff." I agreed. "Last time I was under O and E, I watched a guy lick walls for three hours. He said the walls enjoyed the attention… and they wouldn't listen to his private conversations as long as he licked them a few times a day." His grip tightened forcefully at that. "Jazz, that kinda hurts." I gasped.

"Sorry." He loosened immediately. "Sorry… I just…" he sighed and kissed my forehead. "You're not crazy, Sweetie. I don't like thinking of you locked up."

"Well… it's not like they're gonna put me in a straight jacket." I tried to calm him, but it didn't work. He grimaced. "Jazz, I don't know if I need to be medicated. I know I need to work on my issues with Emmett… and Rose… and myself…"

"And me." It wasn't a question. I'd been trying to leave him out of it in an attempt to not hurt him, but he was right… Regardless of what I wanted to be so, Jasper and I had been having issues for months and it was fuel to the fire.

"Yes." I whispered hoarsely.

He hugged me tightly. "I'm sorry."

"Jazz, stop apologizing." I groaned, sitting up and turning so that I could hug him. "This is recovery. Right here? This is good. This is progress. The fact that I'm being honest about my illness is a huge step from where we were three days ago when I was too scared to say a thing. So please don't be sad and please don't be sorry."

He hugged me again. "I'll try."

By the time I got to bed that night, I fully understood what Jasper had been saying about the coyotes. The howls were loud and close and I laid in bed for hours trying to slip into a sleep that wouldn't come because the sound was freaking me out.

Couple that with twigs snapping and cracking outside the window and I was having a real sleep issue.

I sighed, rolled out of bed, and padded into the bathroom. I made a brief pit stop there before continuing through to Jasper's room.

"Jazz?" I asked into the darkness.

_**Jasper POV**_

"Jazz?"

I started awake and squinted into the darkness. I could barely make out Sage's form in the bathroom doorway. She seemed to be twisting the hem of her tank top and cringing every time a coyote's howl disturbed the silence.

"Sage? What's wrong?" I asked hoarsely, propping myself up on my elbow. Another howl ripped through the air and she jumped. I lifted the covers. "Come on, Sweetie. Come on." I smiled even though she couldn't see it and sighed contentedly as she crawled in bed with me and curled into my side. I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head. "Everything OK?"

"I think tomorrow I'll go to bed _before_ the coyotes come out." She whispered. "I think one's sniffing around outside my window."

"Why would you say that?" I asked.

"I kept hearing stuff shuffling around… twigs breaking… it was starting to weird me out. Sorry I woke you."

I smiled and wrapped my arms around her. "I don't mind." I assured her, but I frowned into the darkness. Peter had said he set up chicken wire and topped it with barbed wire around the entire perimeter as a precaution a week ago when the coyotes made their presence known. Not only were the horses in danger if coyotes were about, but the cattle, the chickens… everything, including us. Coyotes were the dumpsters of the animal kingdom. They'd scavenge anything. If one was sniffing around outside Sage's window, then we obviously needed to check the fence line come dawn.

_But I won't tell her that._

_No need to freak her out more._

The clock on the bedside table flipped to midnight.

"Jazz?" Sage whispered into my chest.

"Yeah?"

She lifted her head so that she could look at me, her hair falling into her face, practically covering her eyes. "Happy birthday."

I smiled. "It is now." I answered, pulling her back down to hug her and kiss her forehead.

When I awoke around eight, Sage was already up and moving. It was a welcome sight to see her out of the hoodies she'd been favoring for a week and at least in a long-sleeve T-shirt… which she'd stolen from my bag.

"Thief." I greeted her as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

She smiled sheepishly around her toast. "Sorry… my hoodies are in the wash now."

"_Your_ hoodies? Oh, you mean _my_ hoodie and that gray piece of paper that _passes_ for a hoodie?" I asked, smirking to let her know I was only joking. When her face fell, I knew it hadn't worked. "Sweetheart, I was just playing."

"I know." She told me, looking away and resting her chin on her fist. Her voice quaked. _Fucking quaked!_ When the hell did Sage's voice _ever_ quake with me?

_I've got no fucking clue what I'm doing._

"Sage—"

"Jazz, I'm fine." She whispered, her eyes on the table. "I just… I like your stuff. It's comforting."

I sat down and pulled her into my lap. "I was just playing. I like you in my stuff. You always give it back smelling like berries." I smirked as she rolled her eyes.

"Funny how I _take_ it because it smells like you." She rested her head on my shoulder. "Happy birthday again." I beamed at her. "Peter and Char said something about going out to dinner tonight… some roadhouse or something."

"That could be good." I sighed and she nodded. "You're… you're gonna eat something… besides soup and toast, right?" I knew it was a touchy subject, but I was suddenly hyper-aware of _everything_ she was doing.

I was feeling guilty for every sign I missed, everything I should've caught. It wasn't just the hoodies or the lack of appetite. She'd smiled and played her part well, but there'd been a sadness in her eyes I'd brushed off because her smile was so genuine. It scared me because I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever actually known _Sage_, or only the beautiful act she'd presented for my benefit.

"I was thinking steak. Or maybe chicken. I don't know. Meat of some kind. I haven't been getting enough protein."

_I couldn't agree more…_

"Do you want your present now?" she asked.

"Sure."

She climbed off my lap and disappeared down the hall, reappearing a moment later with a box about the size of an Xbox. She handed it to me sheepishly, her cheeks pink with embarrassment.

"It's OK if you don't like it…" she qualified.

I pulled the top off and stared down at a black leather-bound personalized photo album with _Whitlock_ emblazoned across the front. My breath hitched as I pulled it out and opened it to the first page, displaying an old, yellowed photograph of my father holding me. From the looks of it, I was maybe only a few hours old.

I flipped through, smiling down at pictures of Rosalie and I, my mother before David Aro had come into her life, me… Peter and Char… all with captions. If she didn't know the context of the picture, she'd simply listed who was in it. I could tell that Rosalie had helped with names for some because they were people long-dead, or some Sage had never met or even heard of. And then there was one in particular that I truly loved…

It was a candid of Sage and I at my Basic Training graduation. We were sitting on a bench, facing each other, talking animatedly, our faces alight. She had a permanent marker in her hand and she was writing her initials on the inside hem of the cuff of my BDU jacket.

_So I could carry her with me…_

I remembered the conversation. We'd been talking about the Civil War and how excited I was to be headed for a Battleground State. I'd been telling her about the battleground trails and all there was to do in Virginia, only a stone's throw from the District. We'd been making plans for her to visit.

Sadly, that was where my mind cut off. Emmett had never allowed Sage to come visit me. I'd wanted to take her down to Jamestown, maybe Williamsburg, and into the District.

"Jazz?"

I realized I'd been silent too long and smiled up at her.

"I love it." She shifted uncomfortably and I realized I'd been scowling at the picture when my thoughts drifted to Emmett and his fuckery. "I love it." I repeated, pulling her back into my lap and hugging her. "How'd you get your hands on all of these? Some of them I've never even seen." I flipped to a photo of my dad, Rosalie, and I on a porch swing. I couldn't be more than a year old.

"Uh…" her face fell. "Your mom helped… and Rose…" she sighed. "And a lot of them are mine… or one's Emmett took at your graduation."

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "My mom?"

She drew in a shuddering breath. "This… was kind of an ongoing project…" she cleared her throat as her voice got hoarse. "For… about six years. I only finished it a couple months ago." Her eyes fell to her lap.

"Are you… are you serious?"

She nodded. "You said your mom was never much for looking at pictures of your dad… and then that _he_ was making her burn all of Rosalie's dad's stuff… all the pictures… so I wrote to her and asked her to send me as much as she could before _he_ got to your dad's stuff. And then it turned out that Rose had some pictures as well that she'd managed to smuggle away… She gave me the originals and I made her copies…" I gaped at her. "I… I have some other stuff of your dad's as well… I've kind of been stockpiling Whitlock memorabilia for a few years… It's all in storage and I've been meaning to go and get it out but it's kinda hard to do because Emmett insists on going to the storage unit with me every time and he usually goes through the boxes." She looked so ashamed it broke my heart. "I used to hide in the storage unit in Forks… when I was… when _it_ was bad. To be alone."

I smiled. "Well… maybe you and I could go and get it out some time."

"I'd like that." She looked up at me then and frowned. "Jazz… you're—"

I wiped away the tear that was slowly streaking down my cheek. "Damn girl, makin' me cry and shit." I laughed thickly. "This means so much to me, Sage… you've no idea." Her face lit up with those words and I hugged her. "Go through this with me?" I asked.

Sage settled back against my chest and flipped the album back to the first page.

We spent the rest of the morning going through it and then I excused myself to go talk to Peter about the fence line while Sage and Charlotte went off to the store for God only knows what. When they returned, Sage's _mission_ was to keep me out of sight of the house long enough for Charlotte to smuggle something in. Peter and I assumed it was cake. The girls had been huddled around Charlotte's laptop the previous night, speaking in hushed tones.

"So how'd you like Sage's present?" he asked as we walked the perimeter in search of any entry point.

"It was amazing. No one's ever done that for me before." I smiled. "I haven't seen a picture of my dad in a long time."

He grinned at me. "Yeah… she's a special one. I get the feeling she thinks everyone should know their parents in some fashion… and since Emmett kept her from her dad for so long, I have a feeling there's an inadequacy issue to go along with it." He sighed. "Say what you want about that girl, but you hang the moon for her. She'd go through hell and back to make you happy."

I frowned. "That's part of the problem, isn't it?" I asked grimly. Peter shot me a sidelong glance in question. "She's always worried about how I'll react… she keeps things from me because she's worried how it will affect me."

He shook his head. "I get this feeling from her… like no matter how much she likes you taking care of her… she feels you're the one who needs lookin' after. On account of your dad… and your mom." He heaved a sigh as we reached our starting point and found no holes in the perimeter. "She's pretty much always been without parents. And for the longest time, she knew how to handle Emmett, how to work her way around him when she needed to. But you? You had your mom for sixteen years… and you admit yourself that you were a Lost Boy when she passed."

"Sage got me through it."

"And on some level, she recognizes that. Which is probably why she insists on continuing to try to shelter you."

I groaned. "This is so fucked up." I shook my head and sat down on the fence. "Things were so much easier when she was a _kid_." I grimaced, remembering the last time I'd made reference to that, Sage and I had had a huge blowup. "I wanted to protect her all the time and she let me… she was so quiet and scared… but she was a force to be reckoned with. As much as I tried to ignore her when I met her… there wasn't any way." I smiled at the memory. "She just… pulled me right in and wrapped me around her little finger."

"And now you want her wrapped around—"

"Pete!" I yelled, shoving his shoulder. "Don't! It used to be OK because I knew you were jokin', but it's not anymore. Not now."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh please." He grumbled before heading off to the house. "Come on, saddle up. I'm ready for dinner." He called to me.

Dinner that night was interesting to say the least. True to her word, Sage did order a steak, but she spent the better part of ten minutes poking it with her fork instead of eating it.

I leaned over and put my mouth to the shell of her ear. "It's dead, Sweetie, I promise you."

"It's undercooked." She replied.

"How do you know? You haven't even cut into it."

"It's medium-rare." She insisted.

I sighed, reached over and butterflied her steak down the middle. Sure enough, it was hot pink in the center. "OK, how'd you do that?"

"I'm just good like that." She smirked and then craned her head around. "I've been waiting for the waitre—" she cut off abruptly and her eyes got wide, but then she relaxed and turned back to her food.

"What is it?" I asked, looking around. Peter was doing the same, though even as I relaxed, he didn't.

"Nothing."

"Sage…" I warned.

"I just thought I saw something. It's OK."

She wasn't lying. She genuinely thought she'd imagined something or other, but I could tell by the tension in Peter's shoulders that _he_ didn't believe it was a figment. "OK." I relented.

The waitress finally returned and Sage sent her steak back, requesting that this time, they not simply walk the cow across the grill. "Butterfly it if you have to, but please… well done." She insisted politely.

I shuddered. "You have no idea how to eat a steak." I groaned.

"Sure I do. The cow needs to be dead first." She smiled at me. "Just because you like yours good and bloody doesn't mean _everyone_ does." She pulled a face as her eyes fell to the rare steak on my plate. "Ew."

"You should try some, I bet you'd like it." She shook her head. "Please?" she shook her head again, more vigorously. "For my birthday?"

"I already gave you—" I took the opportunity to shove a piece of my steak into her mouth and clap a hand over her mouth. Her face was screwed up in disgust. "Chew." She shook her head. "Chew." She shook her head again. "Chew or I'll hang you upside-down over the bar." She chewed slowly, her face still screwed up. "Swallow." I commanded. There was a gulping sound and then she opened her mouth for me to see she'd really swallowed it.

"Pill check." She stuck her tongue out at me. "Don't ever do that again." She added as I released her face. "That was gross."

I smirked. "Pete, hand me one of those Rattlesnake Bites." I joked, but his eyes flicked to Sage and he shook his head.

I looked at her but she was focused on poking the new steak the waitress had just set down in front of her. It wasn't butterflied and so she was taking her sweet time.

"Just cut it open." I sighed.

"No. If I cut it, they can't give it to someone else if it's not right." She smiled at the look of disgust I knew I was giving and then she picked up her knife. "Well done." She smiled and took a bite. "_That_ is how it should taste." She offered me a bite and I grimaced. "I'll do what you did to me." She threatened.

I rolled my eyes took the piece offered me as Peter used a raucous cough to cover up a "_Whipped!_"

Charlotte straightened up suddenly, eyes narrowed, but then she relaxed into Peter's side. "I think we're both seein' things, Sugar." She sighed at Sage.

At that, a haze of unease seemed to settle over the table and we ate quickly and headed back to the ranch. We were laughing and joking around until the front door came into view and I frowned.

"Peter, did you lock the door when we left?"

"The fuck you sayin'? You know I did, you stood there and watched me do—" he cut off as he caught sight of the door, standing wide open. "Charlotte, Sage, you stay in this truck and you do not move until one of us tells you to." We both climbed out and Peter yanked Charlotte over into the driver's seat. "Keep the engine running, Baby."

Charlotte nodded and we climbed the porch steps and walked inside.

The house was a mess. Lamps and tables and potted plants all overturned. The couch had been slashed open so that the stuffing was coming out of it and from where I stood, there seemed to have been an explosion in the kitchen. The walls and doorway were charred black and there was shattered glass littering the floor.

"Jazz." Peter called my attention to the main wall of the living room.

_Happy Birthday Jasper_.

Was written in what appeared to be blood. Beneath my name, smaller, but still noticeable, was something baffling.

_1 Corinthians 13:1-3_

"That's just sick."

We turned immediately to find the girls huddled in the doorway. Sage was staring at the wall.

"I told you two not to move!" Peter yelled.

"Well, we didn't listen. What else is new?" Charlotte yelled back. She sighed and stepped inside, her boots crunching over glass as she made her way to him.

My eyes remained on Sage as she stared at the wall, her brow furrowed. "That's… that's just really sick."

"Sweetie, what's it mean?" I knew First Corinthians was part of the Bible, but other than that, not a thing. I knew she'd know at least something of it. My girl was smart that way.

_My girl…_

She sighed. "It was written by Paul of Tarsus to the Corinthians… most people know the verse at least a little because it's often recited during weddings… _Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy…_"

"_It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres_." Peter continued for her. We simply stared. "What? Stop lookin' at me like that! My momma raised a good Christian boy with good Christian values… it's not her fault they got lost when I found Char's meat cubby."

Sage made a retching sound and doubled over a minute. "OK. I'm good." She sighed, straightening again. "A little disturbed, but good." Peter smirked at her. "Yeah, most people know First Corinthians for that, but that verse referenced on the wall… that's the verse _before_ the one about love." She thought a moment before beginning to recite, "_If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing._"

Peter shook his head. "Sage, I love you like a Sister from Another Mister, but I swear if your brother—"

"Emmett didn't do this." I interrupted him.

_Who else could quote the Bible but Alice?_

_Sage was right. It was sick._

_**End Note: Leave me a review, I'll send you a teaser.**_


	29. Every Breath You Take

_**A/N: Nope. I'm still penniless.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult situations, themes, and future lemons. No one under 18 should be reading it.**_

_**RemyKilday is my awesome pre-reader.**_

_**HammerHip is my awesome Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

_*****Writers beware: There is a thief in our midst! It was discovered last night that Jaspers Sex Kitten and other authors have been plagiarized on two other sites. I only have one address, but the fandom is currently on this author to take down the stories that do not belong to her. Please guard your work and remember to watch out for your friends! Here is a link to the thief's Wattpad Profile: www (dot) /user/edwardstiger1**_

Chapter 28: Every Breath You Take

_Every move you make, _

_Every vow you break, _

_Every smile you fake, _

_Every claim you stake, _

_I'll be watching you_

-"Every Breath You Take" by The Police

_**Sage POV**_

"I'll be damned if that self-righteous, holier than thou Pixie-path runs me outta my own Goddamn house!" Peter raged.

Jasper rolled his eyes and tugged me into his lap. "Peter, I'm just sayin' for a few days… there's no tellin' what Alice would do. She's already defaced cars… now this…" He pulled me closer and tucked my head under his chin. His protective instincts were coming out and I knew he was remembering all too clearly what had happened when we'd ignored Maria's threats.

"Jas, maybe—" I began only to be cut across.

"No."

"Jasper, I just think—"

"Sage, please—"

"Jasper, Jesus let the girl speak!" Peter yelled. "Don't go all Emmett on her now and not listen to what she's got to say!"

He sighed and craned his neck to look down at me.

"I think we need to call the police and let them know what's going on… file a report."

He cocked an eyebrow. "We don't have any proof."

I shifted uncomfortably. "We may… but really, Jasper, the line about surrendering the body to the flames has me worried. She's getting more violent."

"I won't let her hurt you." He breathed.

"It's not me I'm worried about." I said grimly. Jasper's brow furrowed in confusion and I continued, "There's not much she can do to me that I haven't in some way thought of… believe me. But she didn't care so much about me as she did about losing control over you… she's not like Maria. The threat to her was not me, it was you taking back control."

"Peter, let's go upstairs and see the damage." Charlotte whispered, tugging him along up the stairs. I knew she was trying to give us privacy enough for Jasper to calm down and see some sense.

"Jas, stop." I whispered, threading my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. "Stop thinking about Maria." His eyes widened, but he remained silent. "Don't look so surprised. I'm depressed, not daft."

He sighed and buried his face in my hair. "I have to keep you safe."

I shook my head. "I'm as safe as I'm going to be. Ever. Right here with you. But _you_ need to be safe too." I handed him his cell phone. "Call the police."

When he'd finally complied, we sat in silence for several minutes. At one point, I giggled. And then the giggle turned into a chuckle… and then the chuckle became a laugh and I rolled off Jasper's lap and onto the fluff-busting remnants of the couch.

"What is so funny?" he asked, confused.

My laughter died away and I wiped tears from my eyes. "You have such crappy taste in women." He glared at me. "Seriously! Your best friend is an unmedicated depressive with a penchant for hiding and soup. Your first girlfriend after your return from the sandbox turned out to be a murdering psycho. Your second girlfriend is a—" what exactly Alice was, I never got out.

Jasper grabbed me by my upper arms and hauled me upright and set me on my feet. He bent to my level and looked me in the eye. My breath caught and I felt a small spike of fear at the anger I found in his eyes.

"Do not _ever_ compare yourself to _them_." He spat. "_Ever_." And then he gave me a gentle shake. "You're not psycho. You're not crazy. And they could never ever compare to you. You'll always come first, Sage. I meant that when I said it the first time."

I blinked, stunned by his words. I'd only briefly entertained the thought that he might have been telling the truth that first time. More than anything, I had thought he'd simply been trying to quell my fears and make me feel better.

Looking back, knowing now that I'd been in the starts of my backward slip, I knew my state of mind had played a part in my refusal to believe him.

But now, knowing what I did, I believed him.

All those times I'd lamented that someone else would get Jasper's heart, regardless of my being able to get into his head, and I'd worried that he'd be taken from me. Now I realized that was my power. I could take him from others.

_Well… that's… yeah… freaky. That's freaky._

_ It's a power I don't want… shouldn't have._

_ Who am I kidding? Of course I want it. It's not like I want him going anywhere…_

_ Moving on._

_ Coward._

_ Address it later._

I took a deep breath. "I know that, Jas." I assured him. "But if you want to take care of me, right now the best thing you can do is take care of you. Just… I don't know… watch your six." He grinned at my use of military lingo.

"OK." He kissed my forehead. "Let's go see our rooms and see the damage."

I had to grimace when we got to Jasper's room. Most of his clothes had been destroyed and on further inspection of the kitchen, we'd realized most of his shirts had been used as kindling for whatever explosion had occurred.

"Don't touch anything." Peter warned. "Just look. The police'll need it exactly as it is."

My lip curled as I looked at the stove. "Look at this. I think she put your blue button-down on the stove and turned it on." I said, surveying the remnants of what I could only assume was the shirt. Part of the cuff had survived to give an indication of what it was originally. "I wonder why that, of all the other clothes."

Jasper grimaced. "I wore it on our first official date."

I nodded. "Note to self: Do not wear any of Jasper's button-downs or I might be lit on fire."

"Sage!" he cried in exasperation.

"Oh lighten up." I chided. "It's still your birth…" my eyes went wide and I opened up the refrigerator.

Charlotte and I had spent hours poring over bakeries websites trying to find one with a good enough reputation and portfolio to make Jasper's birthday cake. It wasn't anything special. A sheet cake of sponge layered with dark chocolate ganache and iced in white chocolate ganache. We'd asked them to make a cowboy hat and boots out of modeling chocolate and simply pipe _Happy Birthday, Jasper _onto it. What we'd gotten was amazing. It was a work of art.

But as I laid eyes on it in the refrigerator, I was forced to push past Jasper, Peter, and Charlotte and streak to the bathroom full tilt to empty the contents of my stomach. While I dry-heaved, I heard the fridge door open again and then Peter hissed, "Holy fuckin' shit. Sick!"

I heaved again and jumped in surprise, nearly aspirating, as warm hands yanked my hair off my shoulders and held it back off my face. I immediately recognized Jasper's calloused fingers rubbing soothing circles at the nape of my neck, but it did nothing for my stomach as I retched again.

"Breathe, Sweetheart. It's OK." He was murmuring quietly. "Breathe, Darlin'. Breathe."

The faucet turned on and then the clink of a glass on the tile startled me enough to look away from the toilet. Jasper had set a glass of water next to my hand for easy reach. I smiled a little before I began dry-heaving.

"So… fucking… disgusting." I choked out.

"I know."

"Oh fuck…" I choked as another wave of nausea hit me. His fingers continued their delicate strokes on my neck and his other hand rested on my shoulder.

"It's OK, Sweetheart. Get it out."

I slumped against the toilet and rested my cheek against the cool porcelain. "Jasper… I hate your girlfriends." I whispered before sitting up and taking a sip of water. I sighed, flushed the toilet, and stood to brush my teeth.

We watched each other in the mirror as I brushed my teeth, spit, brushed, spit, and then rinsed my mouth. When I was done, I said, "I really do hate your girlfriends." He smirked. "I think you should become a priest and be celibate."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Thanks. You gonna take up the Habit and join me?"

I grinned fiendishly. "No. I've got plans of one day getting laid."

"And I don't?"

"Do you?" I asked.

"How come we're allowed to talk about my sex life and not yours?"

I laughed quietly. "Because you've had more opportunity to have one."

"Or because Michael was your first—"

"Jasper…" I warned in the tone he always seemed to take when warning Peter off me.

"Sage…" he intoned back at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Stop asking about Michael. Please? We have bigger issues."

He nodded. "Yeah… Alice…"

By the time the police came and went, we were all exhausted. I'd had to vomit again when they'd opened the refrigerator to look at the cake. Alice appeared to have caught a few of the chickens and beheaded them. Their heads were now the cake toppers.

On Friday, we bid goodbye to Peter and Char with a promise to be back within the next few weeks and we drove straight to Lompoc.

I was happy to see my dad, but at the same time, I was dreading it. He greeted me as he always did when we saw each other: a nod, a "Hello, Sage", a smile, and a "How's your boy?"

"He's not my boy, Dad." I reminded him for the umpteenth time.

"You keep sayin' that and I keep hearin' it, but I think I'm getting tripped up on the believin'." I rolled my eyes. "What about that other one? Michael? Was that his name? How's he?"

"Uh… We broke up." I smiled sheepishly.

"His doing or yours?"

"Mine." He nodded and pulled out a cigarette, waving his hand over the pack as he always did. "Thanks. I brought my own this time." I answered, leaning forward so he could light it for me.

He grimaced. "Well that's not good. That must mean you've picked up the habit full-time."

I nodded. "Dad, I have a question for you…" I'd been rolling it around in my head ever since my fight with Emmett. It was giving me a sour stomach thinking on it, so I needed an answer. "Why didn't you stop drinking… for me?"

His brow furrowed and his eyes took on a sad angle. "I wanted to. You have no idea what it was like for me… I'd look into those big eyes of yours and I'd tell myself _'Today, I'm not going to drink'_… and then _something_ would happen. Or… _nothing_ would happen. And I'd feel like I needed that bottle more than air in my lungs." He reached out and placed a hand over mine. "I have a disease, Sage. Alcoholism is a disease and you're never fully rid of it." He took a long drag. "That's the upside of prison though. You have no choice but to work a program." His face fell then. "And one of these days, I'll get the courage to work steps two and eight with you." I cocked an eyebrow at him. "You're not—"

"No, I'm familiar with the twelve steps." I sighed. "I worked a similar program a few years ago…" I gave a rueful smile. "Probably going to have to do it all over again." His brow furrowed again. "Dad, I'm a Clinical Depressive." His eyes went wide. "I was in therapy and medicated for a while and then I got better… but… things have been going on… stuff's been bad… and I've been sliding for a long time. I only recently recognized it… but I'm going back to therapy… maybe back on medication, I don't know yet."

"They'll tell you not to come."

"You don't know that. And even if they did, I still will. You're my dad and I need you."

He sat back in his chair. "This is all my fault."

"No. It's not. No one thing made me this way. I just am."

"That's bull and you know it." He narrowed his eyes at me. "I know I'm not the most educated man, but I know the difference between Clinical and Chronic. Your grandmother was Clinical… and you've got an aunt on your mother's side who was Chronic." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "So… anything else I need to know? You got piercings? Tattoos?"

I smirked. "I have my bellybutton pierced." He rolled his eyes. "And I have three tattoos." He raised an eyebrow at me. "The back of my shoulder," I patted my right shoulder. "My left hip, and my bottom right rib."

He shook his head. "He rub off on you that way?" he nodded over my shoulder at Jasper.

"No." I smiled and turned my head to watch him pretending to read a book as he sat beyond the chain link fence. "But he was the inspiration for two of them."

"Uh-huh. And he's not your boy."

I sighed. "No. He's not."

_**Jasper POV**_

Sage had registered for an intensive Photography class for the second half of the summer. It was something she'd been looking forward to, so when she mentioned perhaps dropping the class to rest during her summer break, I pushed her into keeping the course because it was exclusive to the summer semester and incredibly difficult to get into.

_And Michael wouldn't be around next year to put in a good word with the professor…_

OK, I perhaps a little _grudgingly_ encouraged her to keep the course. It would be good for her, regardless of who helped get her in.

Sage called a Family Meeting for Monday evening. Rose had tried to pry, but I knew she simply wanted to forewarn Emmett, so I'd refused to give anything away. It wasn't my story to tell, they weren't my issues to make public.

So when we finally sat around the table that evening, the tension was so thick my right eye began to twitch. Sage had taken the head of the table and I sat to her right, close enough for her to reach out and grab my hand if she needed me.

She looked like she might be ill. She was pale and drawn and though I'd threatened to force feed her, she'd been living on soup for two days. There was nothing for it. She couldn't hold anything else down.

When she finally spoke, her voice was so small, even sitting as close as I was, I barely heard her. "I've done a backslide." It was simple. Succinct.

Rose didn't understand in the slightest and raised her eyebrows at me.

"It's taken a long time… so I didn't catch it until it was too late to talk to Carmen about it."

Rose tensed and Emmett folded his hands together on the top of the table.

"I need to see a Psychiatrist."

"And go back on medication." Emmett added.

"Emmett…" I warned and he glared at me. "Let her speak."

Sage sighed and I felt her nails grazed my knee in an attempt to grab the hand that was resting on my thigh. I laced my fingers with hers and gave a gentle squeeze. "I don't know if I need to be medicated yet. But I have an appointment with a practice in San Francisco. If they want me to, I'll submit to an O and E." her face fell. "But I won't be medicated simply because you think it's a Fix-All."

"Sage, if you need—"

"Emmett, let her speak!" I growled, earning me another glare from him and a look of shock from Rose.

"Emmett, I'm only going to say this once and I need you to _listen_," she drew in a shuddering breath. "And _hear_ me." She squeezed my fingers. "You are part of the issue. I need you to understand that. I need you to understand that I am an adult. I make my own decisions. And from now on, I do so without any input from you _unless_ I request it." Her eyes had gone dead, but I knew she needed to detach if she was going to get through this. "I need to be my own person. And you're going to let me."

He looked as though she'd slapped him. Personally, I would've liked to have taken that Slugger she'd confiscated to his head, but I knew I'd simply break the bat for no damn good reason.

She took another breath. "I'm tired of the bullshit, Emmett. And it stops. Now."

"Sage, I—"

I slammed my palm down on the table and for once, Sage was not the one startled by it, though she did grip my fingers more tightly. "I believe I told you to let her speak."

"She's _done_ speaking."

I made to argue, but she squeezed my fingers.

"I'm done, Jasper, it's OK."

"Good, so now you can—"

"No, I _won't_ listen to what you have to say." She cut across him. I'd never been so proud of her spine than in that moment.

_It's also kinda sexy…_

_ Pure thoughts. Pure thoughts._

_ No go. Not working. Abort._

_ Shit._

I shifted uncomfortably and adjusted myself. Mercifully, no one noticed.

"I'm an adult, Emmett." Sage said firmly. "You treat me like a burden. Allow me to relieve you of it. Unless I ask for your opinion, you will be ignored."

Emmett drew in a deep breath and I could tell he was trying to tame the rage that was threatening to break through. Rosalie laid a hand on his arm and he seemed to calm immensely from the touch.

"Alright then, Sage." He sighed. "When's the O and E?"

"I don't know, I have to wait for my appointment. I'm hoping if they want one, they'll schedule it for Friday to Sunday."

"But you're against drug therapy?"

"Yes. I'll take them if they insist, but I think I made more progress with therapy and holistic methods." I quirked an eyebrow and she smiled slightly. "Exercise… for endorphins. And light therapy."

"Light therapy?"

"She eats a lot of spinach and sits in the sun for hours…" Emmett explained. "Or under a UV lamp. It's a homo-pathic remedy."

"_Homeo_pathic remedy." Sage corrected. "_Homeo_."

"Yeah. That." Emmett agreed grudgingly. "All you got out of that was a sunburn."

"I got more than that. It helped." She sighed. "I'm done now." We waited, but no one said anything. "Alright then." She stood and I followed her.

Lately, I couldn't wait to get to bed. Sage's fear of the coyotes had followed us home, not to mention her unease over Alice. There was a small part of me that was thankful for small favors because she'd taken to crawling into bed with me late at night.

"Jasper," Emmett called as I reached the basement door. I waved at Sage to go on without me and turned. Emmett took a few strides toward me and said quietly, "Put her back in her own bed when she falls asleep."

"I'll let her sleep wherever she chooses." I told him firmly.

He shook his head. "They're going to make her stop. It's a codependency and they _will_ make her stop. They may tell her to distance herself entirely." He was fucking with me. He had to be. Sage wouldn't distance herself from me.

"I'll let her sleep wherever she chooses." I repeated. "Be glad it's my bed, Emmett. It could be Michael's… or Paul's… or Seth's… or someone else you'd approve less. At least you know it's innocent when she's in my bed."

He smirked at me and closed the distance between us. He placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed before whispering in my ear, "_Nothing_ about your relationship with my sister is _innocent_. You think I don't see you watching her? You think I didn't pick up on that jealousy when she was with Michael? Is she still a virgin, Jasper? Did he steal that from you?" I shoved him roughly and he grinned.

"Emmett!" Rosalie warned him.

"Put her back in her own bed. I'll be checking on her in a few hours."

I locked both access doors to my room that night. I heard when Emmett came down and opened her door to check, but I didn't care. He was invading her space and I'd be damned if I'd let him do it with her there to know it. Instead, I simply spooned her and buried my face in her hair.

I drove her to her appointment that week. She was resigned when she left it. They wanted her for an O and E and though she was determined to follow through with recovery, she was scared.

I didn't want Emmett to take her, but I knew he'd never let me take her alone, so we all went. Rosalie hugged her fiercely and whispered that it would all be OK. Emmett simply patted her on the head and she rolled her eyes at me.

When she turned to me, I held open my arms and she hugged me around my middle. "I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow." She whispered into my chest.

"Darlin', you're not nuts, so don't go all Judy Garland on me." I chided, smiling.

"But me and my shadows really wanna sing _We're Off To See the Wizard_." She argued playfully, but she frowned at the sadness she found in my eyes. "Don't worry, Jazz. It's only three days."

"What if they don't think I'm good for you?" I asked her.

"Well, they don't know you, so how can they say that?"

"We're co-dependent." I argued.

Sage snorted a laugh. "Jasper, have you been reading Psychology websites?" I nodded. "Well stop… and when you pick me up on Monday, remind me to tell you the cow joke." She hugged me again, turned and slung her overnight bag over her shoulder before disappearing behind steel doors with a couple orderlies.

A weekend had never taken so long to end as that one. I was eternally _bored_. Rosalie and Emmett decided to go down to Half Moon Bay, which left me alone. I was thankful when Monday rolled around and I was finally able to go and pick Sage up from her self-described Looney Bin.

She was waiting for me with an orderly who cut the wristbands off her as soon as she affirmed I was her ride.

"Well?" I asked, tucking her into my side and taking her bag from her. "Are you safe and sane?"

"Did you totally just go BDSM on me?" I cocked an eyebrow at her. "Should I call you _Domsper_?"

"The hell are you talking about, Woman?"

She laughed. "Sorry. My roomie was a Submissive. I got to hear about all the kink involved in BDSM this weekend." She grimaced. "I don't think I'll be trying it anytime soon."

I snorted. "Good to know." I sighed and opened the car door for her. When I climbed in, I repeated the question. "Well?"

She sighed. "They've agreed not to medicate me _for now_… but I had to agree to intensive therapy." She watched me carefully and I motioned for her to explain. "Two days a week, I have Group Therapy. Three days a week I have one-on-one therapy… and I have to submit to an O and E every month."

"That sounds really harsh." I said as I shifted into gear and pulled out of the parking spot.

"I expected it." She sighed and leaned back, closing her eyes. "But… Doctor Cullen has agreed to let me undergo Light Therapy again. He said he's seen good progress in a lot of his patients."

"Doctor Cullen?" I asked.

_Why's that name sound familiar?_

"Yeah. Doctor Carlisle Cull—" she cut off and sat forward. "Holy shit! Do you think he's Ed_weird_'s dad?" I shrugged. "Edward said his dad's a shrink! Holy shit! What if it is? I thought his parents lived in Seattle!"

"Sage, calm down!" I cried, resting a hand on her back. "So what if he is? Doesn't the law prevent him from talking about you?"

"Yeah… it'd just be weird…" she snorted again. "Plus, Doctor Cullen is _way_ too good-looking to have Ed_weird_ for a son. I mean _wow_… Oh yeah, total transference, right here. I'm transference-ing all over Doctor Cullen." She smirked.

"You better not be." I growled.

She sighed. "Jasper, if I can have a sense of humor about my illness, there isn't a damn person alive who can't laugh at it. _Laugh_. Let _me_ laugh about it. It helps my mood… and speaking of mood… I need to stop at a Super Walmart."

"Why?"

"Because I need a _lot_ of fresh spinach and a UV lamp."

"Why don't you just sit in the sun?" I asked.

"Because I've got reading and research to do for class." She replied easily. "And I have to do my Photo-Therapy somewhere… why not do it while doing _Photo_-homework." I rolled my eyes at her pun. "Laugh, dammit! That was cute and you know it!"

"_Haha_." I deadpanned.

"Damn straight." She growled.

"What's the cow joke?"

"Oh yeah!" she turned to me, all smiles. "What do you call someone who's addicted to milk?"

"I give up." I sighed, humoring her. I had a feeling I knew the punch line, but she was genuinely smiling and I didn't want whatever was causing it to go away.

"A _cow_-dependent!" she giggled and I couldn't help but laugh because it was a cute joke. She sighed then and leaned back in her seat, closing her eyes. "I'm gonna have to buy a car now."

"Why? I don't mind taking you to therapy."

"You're not going to be able to a good portion of the time. You'll be at work."

"So just reschedule them—"

"I can't, Jazz." She sighed and fixed her beautiful eyes on me. "It's called routine and stability… My appointments are at the same time every day. I can't expect you to come home from the ranch in the middle of your day, get me, take me to therapy, take me home, and go back to the ranch. I need a car." She hissed. "I have nine thousand saved."

_Her ability to make and save gets me every time._

"You can get something for that."

"Nothing _good_." She spat. "I miss my Bug."

"I bet."

"I wonder if I can get a car loan…"

I shook my head. "Sage, you're nineteen. You don't want to be swimming in a debt like that… and what happens if you get upside-down on it? Or if one month things aren't so lucrative for you? I mean… as good as you are at what you do, and as much as people are willing to pay for you… your paychecks aren't a sure thing."

"Maybe…"

I sighed. "I can take you car shopping."

"What if I don't want your help?"

"OK then, I _won't_. You can walk around San Francisco and look for a car. Be sure to pack water and sun block."

"Don't be pissy!" she smacked my arm. "I just want to pick my own car… and I _don't_ want you to do the Guy Thing while I'm doing it."

"What _Guy_ Thing?" I asked impatiently.

"You know! The _'look there's a spot of rust', 'it only gets fifteen miles per gallon', 'I don't have to buy what you're selling', 'bow before me in my infinite car knowledge'_ THANG!" she twanged the last bit, forcing me to laugh. Whenever Sage imitated my accent, it was always laughable, but incredibly cute.

"I see. You don't want me to make sure you don't get a lemon."

She rolled her eyes. "No, this is called asserting my independence. I need to find my own car." She frowned at me. "And it'd really help if you could be supportive, please."

I groaned inwardly. She was asking me to take a step back and _not_ do for her. Something that was wholly against my nature. "Can I at least tag along if I promise to keep my mouth shut?"

"Completely shut? No _'Sage, look at this one' or 'Oooh, shiny!'?_"

"Since when do I say _'Oooh, shiny!'_?" I asked.

"It could happen."

I shook my head. "Whatever. I promise to neither point nor refer to anything as shiny." I drawled out.

_Right._

My Sage is a special girl. With a penchant for death traps, apparently. Every car we looked at, there really was something wrong with it and all I could do was scowl or pull a face. Luckily, she's also a smart girl and she'd done her research.

_Who am I kidding? Did I honestly expect her to _not_ do the research?_

She passed… and passed… and passed… on every damn car until the salesman was near tears.

By the time we climbed back in my (finally fixed) truck, I was almost dying from laughter.

"Stop laughing at me!" she cried.

"I'm not laughing at you, Sweetheart!" I smiled. "Did you see the look on his face when you asked him for the CarFax on that last one? And then as soon as you saw it'd been in an accident and wanted to see the damage report? I thought he was gonna burst into tears and beg you to just take the damn car!"

"It was T-boned!" she yelled defensively. "Both driver's side doors were replaced! There was frame damage!"

I cocked an eyebrow. "You been talking to Peter? Cause you're sounding an awful lot like him."

"No, I have not been talking to Peter…" she replied grimly. "I've been talking to Emmett—JAZZ!" She yelled my name as I slammed on the brakes so hard we both flew forward only to be slammed back into our seats.

"Sorry…" I cocked an eyebrow and stared at her. "You talked to Emmett about getting your car?"

"I asked him what questions I should ask."

"Oh." My face fell and I started driving again, finally pulling out of the lot and onto the highway.

Sage sighed. "What _oh_?"

"Nothing."

"Really? Cause it sounds a hell of a lot like a _something_ to me."

"Why didn't you ask me?"

"You weren't around."

"I'm always around!" I cried indignantly, but then comprehension dawned on me.

She watched me carefully. "Jasper, get that look off your face."

"What look?" I asked glumly.

"That look like someone just disemboweled your puppy."

"You're pulling away… they think we're co-dependent and you're pulling aw—"

"I'm not pulling away!" she yelled. "And no, they don't think we're co-dependent. Doctor Cullen seems to feel you're a positive influence on my life." She sighed and scooted into the middle of the seat and leaned against me. "I just… saw it as an opportunity to get some face time with Em that wasn't all about the yelling." I nodded, but I was still frowning. "Jazz, please don't be upset…"

_Of course she just HAS to say 'please'…_

"I'm sorry, Sweetie. You just bruised the ego a bit. I'm fine."

_**End Note: If you leave me a review, I'll send you a teaser **____** I like reviews. They make me feel all cool and shit.**_

_*****I don't know how everyone will react to this, but I thought I'd post so that everyone knows. I've begun writing outtakes for this story. They will be things like Jasper and Sage's first meeting and things like that, but they won't just be from Jasper and Sage's perspectives. I'll toss in some Emmett, Rose, and maybe even a Bella. Let me know what ya'll think of this idea.**_


	30. Numb Part 2

_**A/N: Nope. Still poor. Don't own a thing.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult situations, themes, and future lemons. No one under 18 please.**_

_**RemyKilday is my pre-reader and she rocks.**_

_**HammerHips is my Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

_*****Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. We're almost to 200 reviews! I'm so excited, you've no idea! I appreciate all your good thoughts **___

_******I'm very excited for this chapter. I'm sure you will be too. Be sure to review if you want that teaser!**_

Chapter 29: Numb Part 2.

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
Can't you see that you're smothering me?  
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you_

-"Numb" by Linkin Park

_**Sage POV**_

"Just take the truck. You can drop me off, and go to therapy, then pick me up at the end of the day." Jasper tried to cajole me. "You'll find a car soon and then you'll be fine." He brushed my bangs out of my face as I kept my eyes closed and tried to ignore him.

I was laying on my bed with my UV lamp turned on me, attempting to nap for my hour of Photo Therapy. Jasper wasn't allowing me to.

"Do you want to go up to Napa this weekend?" he nudged me with his knee. He was sitting next to me on my bed, reading a book.

Normally, I didn't mind Jasper's presence. It was calming and comforting. However, during my Photo Therapy, it was a little… bothersome.

No, that's not right.

It made me insecure. Like maybe somehow the bright light would expose everything and I'd lose him. It gave me that unwavering need to hide. And unfortunately, Jasper and Emmett had agreed on a new house rule.

_Because of course they would._

If one of my access doors was locked, the other was to be open. It was invasive especially in the fact that whenever Jasper needed to use the bathroom, he walked through to open my main door first, and then reversed the process when he was done.

I'd never minded sharing a bathroom with him until right then.

"Sage?"

"This is quiet time." I whispered. I heard him smirk.

"Aren't you supposed to have your eyes open?"

"It's a really bright light. And if you don't shut up and let me nap, I'm gonna kick you out on your flat ass."

_Oh… oh what a lie… flat… not flat… nice… tight…_

_MOVING ON!_

"Since when do you check out my ass?" he asked and he sounded genuinely curious.

I smirked. "I was horny and out of batteries. I needed inspiration." I laughed as he coughed and sputtered and opened my eyes to see that he'd been taking a drink of water as I answered. "You're so easy, Jazz." I sighed and rolled onto my side, smiling as he threaded his fingers in my hair and pressed my face into his side. "But thanks. I appreciate you loaning me the truck." The egg timer I'd set buzzed and Jasper reached up and switched the UV light off.

"So," he sighed. "Napa?"

"Duh." I answered. "How's the house? Peter and Char get everything squared away?"

He shrugged. "I guess… the police filed a report, but since there weren't any witnesses or any proof that it was Alice, they don't have much to go on." I could tell he was trying to nicely tell me it had been pointless to call the cops, but I wasn't taking the bait.

"Well, at least it's on file in case something else happens."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Is that Chief Swan's niece rearing her multi-colored head?"

"Hey! It's paid off to be a police chief's niece!" I cried. "I mean, when you think about it, you never have to teach me to handle a gun; I know how to throw a punch;" he smirked at that and I pinched his side and twisted until he squirmed away and fell off my bed. "And I know how to incapacitate an attacker."

"I wasn't attacking you… and OW! That fuckin' hurt, Sage!" he pouted.

"Oh boo-hoo."

"Damn straight!" he cried, jumping up and throwing himself across me. "Oof! Damn, you're lumpy. Not nearly as squishy as you look… OW! And boney!" he finished as I elbowed his shoulder.

"You're heavy! Get off, you freak!" I laughed, slapping his back.

"Oh, wait there we go." He sighed and laid his head on my stomach. "That's soft. I can work with this." He closed his eyes. "I'm just gonna take a—OW!" I had reached down and flicked him between the eyes and he was rubbing his forehead where a small welt was forming. He grabbed me around the middle and rolled until I was under him and began tickling me.

"Jazz! Jas, no! NO!" I shrieked. "No! No tickling! I swear to God, I have to pee! No!"

"Uh-huh! You can dish it out alright, but damn you suck at taking it!" he crowed as I squirmed and tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

"Jasper, come on! Let me up!" I laughed, tears streaming down my face. He stopped and allowed me to catch my breath, grinning at me. We stared at each other for several moments, both breathing heavily.

_If only…_

_Yeah… No. I'm a coward._

_But what if…_

_No! We'll not entertain those thoughts!_

_But maybe—_

_SHUT UP!_

"Up!" I smacked his shoulder. "I really do have to pee."

He simply nodded and rolled off me.

I took longer in the bathroom than I expected because I stopped to give myself a long hard look in the mirror.

_I'm not his type._

_Jasper doesn't have a type._

_Apparently he likes brunettes…_

I turned the faucet on and rinsed my face in an attempt to numb myself out. Admittedly, without Oxycodone or an antidepressant, it was a little more difficult.

_Jasper wouldn't want me. I'm broken._

_And I'm not his type._

_And Emmett would just get in the way._

_And I can't be what he needs._

I sighed and patted my face dry.

_But what about what just happened?_

_He kinda looked like he—_

_It's just Jasper being Jasper. Nothing to get excited over._

_Right._

"Right." I echoed myself quietly.

We started our new routine with me taking Jasper to and from work and using his truck to get to class and therapy. It was interesting and definitely took some getting used to, but I didn't mind visiting the Triple K ranch every day. The scenery was nice.

_Garrett in his painted on jeans…_

_He's got a girlfriend._

_I can look._

I chucked a bottle of water at Jasper as he hopped in the truck and waved to Garrett before pulling out.

"How was work?"

"Long." Jasper answered. I had to thank God he used the shower in the barn before coming home every day. I'd seen him and Garrett working and _ewwwww!_...

_Well… the sweat wouldn't be so bad under different—_

_MOVING ON!_

"How was Group?" he asked when he'd drained his water and reached for the second one I brought for him.

"Interesting. My group thinks I have unresolved sexual tension and male-related issues." Jasper snorted, sucked in a breath, and choked on his water, forcing me to laugh as he hacked and coughed. "Anyway, I said—"

"How do they know you have unresolved sexual tension?" he interrupted.

I shrugged. "I guess because I'm still a virgin? How the hell would I know? Larry the Chronic brought it up."

"I thought you said Larry the Chronic was on Suicide Watch this week."

"He is. They let him out for Group."

"I think you need to find a new group. Your sexual activities are not their—"

"Oh lighten up, Jazz. The other day we were discussing Mary the Klepto's penchant for swiping stuff during afterglow. She once stole a guy's pants… simply because. Just picked them up right off the floor and walked out with them while he was trying to coax her into the shower."

He shook his head. "As I said, I think you need to find a new group."

I frowned. "Jasper be nice. Those are my people."

"Those are not your _people_, Sage." He replied stubbornly, but then he sighed. "But you're right, I'm sorry. I should be nice." He reached out and stroked my cheek. "How was class?"

"It was good… Crap!" I cried. "Do you mind if we stop off on campus? I forgot to pick up a sheet I need for my new project."

"I don't mind." He replied easily. "What's the project?"

I grimaced. "Scars. Emotional and Physical and the Bridge Between… Whatever the hell that means." I rolled my eyes. "It has to be done in fifty frames or less."

"So what's the problem?" he sighed and I steered the truck into the parking lot closest to my professor's office.

I groaned as we climbed out. "I'm completely uninspired. I have no idea what to shoot."

He followed me into the Arts building and up three flights of stairs and around in circles until I finally found my professor's office. The sheets were set out in a hanging file on the door and I grabbed one and scanned it quickly.

"Shit." I sighed. "I've only got a week for this project… and I think it'd probably take me a month to figure out what to shoot for this… how do you capture emotional scars on film?"

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and tucked me into his side. "I'm sure you'll figure it out…" he sighed as we headed back out.

"Sage!"

I spun out of Jasper's grip and smiled. "Hey, Alec!" I turned to Jasper and said, "I'll be back in a minute." Before sprinting back up the walkway to talk to Alec. "Hey! Good summer?"

"Yeah," his full lips stretched into a smile. "I'm taking a few classes… trying to get ahead a bit. Janey and Heidi are in Barbados."

"Wow."

He smirked. "Yeah, they send lots of pictures. I'll forward them to you."

"That'd be great." I grinned.

Alec was still the _pretty_ boy I'd had a crush on the previous fall, but he was still just that… A _boy_. He told me of pranks his fraternity had pulled and things he'd done, girls he'd dated, and it was fun to hear that he was doing well in life as well as classes.

"I was actually going to ask you if you…" he trailed off suddenly as his eyes landed on something over my shoulder.

"What?" I asked and I turned to find what had caught his eye. The only thing I saw was Jasper.

_Correction: Jasper. Arms crossed. Looking dangerous._

_Oh what the fuck?_

_This again?_

"Nothing." He waved it off. "I'll e-mail you those pictures, OK?"

"OK." I sighed.

Alec gave me one more smile. "You take care, Sage."

"You too." I waved and turned, scowling my best _I may not hate you, but I really don't like you_ scowl at Jasper. As I reached him I ground out, "Way to cock-block, Jazz." And gave him a not quite friendly slap across the stomach.

"I didn't do anything." He insisted.

"Sure you didn't. You just looked like you were about ready to beat him to death and light him on fire!"

We argued about that the entire way home and right through the front door until Rosalie interrupted us.

"What's going on? What's wrong?"

"Ask your Cock-Blocking Brother." I spat before heading downstairs. I slammed and locked my bedroom door before running through the bathroom to lock Jasper's bathroom door as well. I stared at myself in the mirror for several minutes, shaking with rage.

_He let Jasper scare him off._

_Jasper wanted to scare him off, I don't care what he says._

_Why do they always run? What's wrong with me?_

_Why aren't I worth it?_

_It's because I'm—_

_No. Stop._

_Not worth it. I'm not. I'm not worth it._

I covered my mouth to stifle the sob that broke through and walked into my room. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes for a moment.

_Numb. _

_I need to be numb._

_Comfortably._

_Blissfully._

_Numb._

I crouched down and pulled my keyboard case out from under my bed, opened it, and dug around for the hidden pocket. I smiled and fished out the pill bottle.

_Numb._

I walked back into the bathroom and filled a Dixie cup with water, but paused as I went to open the pills, hands shaking.

_I shouldn't do this._

_I don't _want_ to do this._

My hands were shaking so badly the pills were rattling against the plastic.

_I need to be numb. I can't do this right now._

_I can't deal with this._

_This is part of the problem._

_Just let me sleep it off. Just a little while._

"Sage?" Jasper called, pounding on his bathroom door.

I nearly jumped out of my skin and dropped the bottle. "Just a minute!" I yelled, snatching it up off the bath mat and running out to my room to replace it in its hiding spot. I ran back to the bathroom and unlocked and opened the door. "What do you want, Jasper?" I asked bitterly.

He frowned and I knew he was analyzing me, just like he always did. "I…" he said nervously. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to run Alec off." I glared at him and he shifted uncomfortably, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking at his feet. "I have an idea for your project… sort of a… peace offering."

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "What's the idea?"

"Not here… OK?" my eyes narrowed. "Not right now… Tomorrow? Emmett and Rose are going down to Half Moon Bay again… I don't' want Rose in the house for this."

I considered him for a long time as he stood there looking apologetic and silently pleading with me to forgive him. Finally, I took a deep breath and said, "This better be one hell of a project. You're not forgiven yet." And then I closed the door with a _snap!_ and went to lay down and take a nap.

I hadn't forgotten about the pills… but something about Jasper's pleading and apology made them feel not quite as necessary.

_**Jasper POV**_

"Ask your Cock-Blocking Brother." Sage spat before disappearing to the basement.

I cringed as Rosalie let out a sigh and shook her head.

"What?" I asked.

"Who'd you run off?"

"I didn't run anybody off!" I cried defensively.

"Right. She's calling you a Cock-Blocker because you prevented her from feeding the pigeons or something?"

I glared at her. "Since when do you speak _Sage_?"

"I don't. I speak _Woman_. And in case you haven't noticed, she is one."

_Oh believe me Rose, I've noticed._

I didn't say anything and Rosalie sighed. "Everything of hers is so public… someone's always in her business… Emmett… you…" my eyebrows shot up in surprise. "I don't blame her for trying to keep pieces of herself private. Look what happens when you two get your hands on those secrets." Her eyes fell to the floor. "So many things that are always so public for her… and yet we get private lives. Is it any wonder she's pissed at you when you interfere?"

"Since when did you turn coat and side with her?" I challenged. It wasn't as if Rosalie had been Sage's champion from day one… and since when did Sage need someone to save her from me?

Rosalie took a deep breath. "Just because I keep quiet doesn't mean I haven't been on her side."

"Actually, keeping silent on issues you don't agree with implies that you actually _do_ agree." I argued.

Rose nodded. "Still… she's the only one who doesn't get any secrets. Everything of hers is laid bare in this house. Doesn't seem fair, does it?"

I stiffened. I knew what she was referring to… and she knew it. "Stay out of my business, Rosalie." I warned. I took off down the stairs but stopped in the sitting room and plopped down on the couch with my head in my hands.

I knew what Rosalie was getting at…

Everything of Sage's was always laid bare. She had no secrets to speak of, especially not now.

Part of her recovery agreement was to be up front about everything, even if it was only one of us that she told.

But me?

I had secrets…

One in particular that only Rosalie and one other knew about.

I reached under the collar of my shirt and fingered one of the most prominent scars on my right shoulder, pressing down on it, trying to flatten it. Of course, like it had for years, it sprang right back up and I grimaced.

This wasn't like Sage's secrets.

_No. Hers are worse._

_I've moved on. I've dealt with the demons._

_Have I?_

_Shit._

I sighed and stood, crossing to Sage's door. It was locked.

_Of course._

I went into my own room and banged on the bathroom door, knowing it would be locked as well. "Sage?" I called.

There was a muffled gasp and some shuffling followed by "Just a minute!" her voice sounded strained and then the door was opening and she glared out at me. "What do you want, Jasper?"

She'd been crying. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were wet.

_I did that to her._

_I made her cry._

I fought the urge to hug her, knowing she was likely to clock me good and proper if I did.

"I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to run Alec off." Her eyes narrowed and I shifted, shoved my hands into my pockets and looked down. "I have an idea for your project… sort of a… peace offering." I told her.

_I can't believe I'm going to fucking do this._

_I shouldn't._

_She deserves to know. This is a big part of me._

She quirked an eyebrow. "What's the idea?"

"Not here… OK?" her eyes narrowed again. "Not right now… Tomorrow?" I pled. "Emmett and Rose are going down to Half Moon Bay again… I don't' want Rose in the house for this."

_Ain't that the truth. No need for her to start bawling._

She stared at me for what seemed like forever before finally inhaling deeply and answering with, "This better be one hell of a project. You're not forgiven yet." And with that, she shut the door in my face.

I slept fitfully that night, possibly because the only appearance Sage made that night was to make herself a sandwich. Emmett glared at me long and hard. Obviously Rose had told him I messed up.

When I went to wake Sage so she could drive me to work, there was a sticky note on her door, which only further upset me.

_Take your truck. Emmett's off today. He's going to therapy with me._

The day didn't improve from there. Garrett nearly got trampled trying to wrangle a bull, and of course, dumbass that I am, I jumped in to help and nearly got the horns in my chest.

"Jesus, that was close." Garrett wheezed as we plopped down in folding chairs in the barn. "I swear I thought you were dead when he went after you."

I nodded and gulped down some water. "It's not like I knew what I was doing there… Shit, I thought I might actually get outta tonight."

"What's tonight?" he asked curiously. At my grim expression he smirked. "Obviously, it's something to do with Sage or you wouldn't be so serious."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I grumbled.

"Bullshit you don't. Are you kidding me? She shows up to pick you up and you nearly piss yourself trying to get showered and changed because you don't want to smell like the ranch hand you are. You show up today without her and this is the most depressed I've ever seen you."

"Don't use that word." I snapped and his eyebrows shot into his hairline. "Depressed… use a different word. Not that one."

"OK…" he replied hesitantly. "And then you have to consider how you _look_ at her."

"How do I look at her?" I challenged.

He smiled a toothy smile and his dimples appeared. "Like you'd die happy if she kissed you." My expression must've been funny because he laughed. "I look at Katie that way all the time. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm wound tight around her finger, just like you are Sage's. You debate with yourself, do you know that? You keep changes of clothes in your locker and you debate with yourself every day which shirt to wear home… the jeans you don't care about… but she likes you in button-downs and you know it… you wear your T's _to_ work, but you go home in a button-down just for her. Every day."

I blanched. "I do not." I swallowed thickly. I hadn't realized I was that obvious.

"Don't lie, Man, you're really bad at it." He chuckled. "So why didn't the adorable Little Miss drive you today anyhow? She get her own car again?"

I shook my head. "Her brother's taking her to her appointment." He grimaced. "Yeah, tell me about it. I have a feeling she won't be so pissed at me by tonight."

_That's one reason to be thankful for Emmett. No matter what I do, he fucks up so much worse._

_But _of course_, it couldn't be that easy._

When I walked in the door at six that evening, Emmett and Sage were in the kitchen laughing and preparing dinner together. Rosalie was on edge, sitting on the couch with her hands clasped in her lap.

"Hi." I greeted them. They mumbled in return and continued on with their conversation. "Good session?"

"Really good." Emmett said, smiling down at Sage as she tossed linguine into a pot of boiling water. "I think we actually communicated today."

"Weird, huh?" she smirked. "It's amazing what happens when you listen."

I raised my eyebrows and went to sit with Rose.

"They've been like this for hours… it's creeping me out." She whispered.

"What'd they discuss in session?"

She shrugged. "Something about Sage's graduation. I'm not really sure." She cringed as they started laughing again. "It's so very Stepford."

And it was very Stepford all through dinner, right up until Emmett and Rosalie left for Half Moon Bay. As the door closed behind them, the air became heavy and tense again as Sage turned and scowled at me. I stared at her for several moments.

"Well?" she asked. "My project?"

I took a deep breath and swallowed. "Grab your camera."

She followed me downstairs and disappeared into her room. She came through the bathroom a moment later and stared at me as I stood with my back to her, resting my forehead against the wall.

"How do you want to do this?" I asked her quietly.

"I don't even know what I'm doing." She answered.

I sighed and turned. "I'm your project." She raised an eyebrow at me, but waited for me to continue. "You need… to capture emotional scars on film." I began unbuttoning my green button-down and pulled it off. I tossed it to the floor, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath before grabbing the hem of my white undershirt and yanking it up and off.

There was a sharp intake of breath and then silence, but I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. I wasn't even sure if Sage was still in the room with me or if she'd simply walked out, but then I nearly recoiled as warm hands flattened themselves against my shoulders and moved slowly down my chest.

I opened my eyes to find her frowning, her brow furrowed, her jaw tight, as she examined me and for once, I understood what it was to her to feel exposed. Instead of turning me, she moved around me, following the pattern to my back, where she took another deep breath.

"These are from a belt." She murmured quietly, her fingers splaying to follow the different tracks across my shoulder blades. I nearly choked when she began tracing a particularly jagged one in the small of my back, relatively square in shape. "The buckle… someone used the buckle on you at some point." She sighed and her hands came up again to rest on my shoulders, squeezing lightly. "Jazz, who did this to you?" her tone told me she already knew the answer, but she wanted to see if I was ready to tell her.

I swallowed thickly. "David." I looked down at my feet. "He… uh… was never really fond of Rose and I. He started out smacking Rose around, bruised her cheek a couple times. I was pretty young when it started… and then one day he backhanded her and she crashed into the china cabinet and it sliced up her face."

I swallowed again. Rose would kill me if anyone ever found out the extent of plastic surgery she'd undergone, but seeing as Emmett knew, there was no reason Sage shouldn't. What was she going to do? Put out a bulletin?

"That's why all the surgery." Sage whispered.

"How'd you know?"

"Jasper, I've spent years going through your family pictures… there's only so much nature can give you, but a board certified Plastic Surgeon can give you Rosalie's nose, boobs, ass… and I've seen her without makeup a time or two… they couldn't completely clean up the scarring… but I know some of that's Royce too."

I nodded. "After he did that to her, I started provoking him to get him to focus on me… and it worked for a few years. Then when I was sixteen," I winced as she squeezed my shoulders tighter and her nails dug in slightly. I knew she was thinking exactly as I had when she'd told me about her depression: _How could you not tell me?_ "I got out of the shower and heard him screaming at Rose… I didn't even think, just put on a pair of shorts and ran out and I hit him… and he'd been about to use the belt on her… he just aimed it at me. He grabbed me by the neck and shoved me down and just started whipping me with it. I tried to roll over and get up and he got my chest of few times before he kicked me back onto my stomach… and then…" I trailed off as one hand left my shoulders to touch the small of my back again.

"And then he started whipping you with the buckle."

I nodded. "Yes." I squeezed my eyes shut. I'd never told another person that story and unfortunately, I felt like that sixteen year old kid again. Scared. Alone. "God, Sage, just take the fucking pictures, please." I whispered.

Her hands left me completely and I immediately missed their warmth and tenderness. I heard the shutter click several times with pauses in between as she adjusted her angle. When she was done, she sighed and whispered, "How could you never tell me about this?"

"That's what we do, you and I." I laughed bitterly. "We keep the bad shit to ourselves until it finds a way to out itself." She was squeezing my shoulders again. "Sage, you don't have to touch them. I know they're ugly." She smacked my shoulder blade hard and I grunted but didn't say anything.

"Don't ever say that again." She snarled. "These are beautiful. They show how brave you are, how much you love your sister. Not every man would do this, Jazz, but you did!" her voice cracked and I heard her sniffle but I still couldn't open my eyes. She was silent for a while and I just assumed she was staring, memorizing, cataloguing detail… and I gasped and my eyes flew open when I felt her lips touch the scar I'd been contemplating earlier, the large one on my right shoulder. "Sorry." She muttered quickly, startled by my reaction. "I just… yeah…" she drew in a shuddering breath. "I'll just…" she moved past me and I could tell she was about ready to run and hide, but I grabbed her hand and spun her back into me.

We locked eyes, just as we had that night we'd gone to the club, and again the air felt electric.

_Just do it._

_Please._

_She's sober now!_

I couldn't think anymore, I simply cupped her face with my free hand and brushed her lips with mine. Just as she did that first time, she pressed back eagerly, relaxing in my arms as I tightened my hold on her.

The kiss was sweet and tender and all of the things I'd come to associate with Sage over the years. She moaned softly and her lips parted, allowing me to deepen the kiss.

_FUCKING YES!_

_Dear God, finally!_

_She's kissing me back! She's kissing me!_

Then suddenly she froze and when I broke away from her, she was frowning.

"Sage, I—"

"This isn't the first time we've kissed." She said confidently.

_**End Note: I like reviews. I send teasers if I get them.**_

_*****What'd you think? Was it worth the wait? Could you just scream? Or maybe you just want to bash me over the head and go WTF? Let me know!**_


	31. First Kiss

_**A/N: No, I still don't own anything. It all belongs to Stephanie Meyer, but if anyone feels like mailing me Jasper, I'm home all day to accept delivery.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult situations, themes, and future lemons. If these things offend you, please don't read. No one under 18.**_

_**I love RemyKilday. She kicked pre-reader ass.**_

_**HammerHips is my Schwoogie-Muffin. She kicks Schwoogie-Muffin ass.**_

Chapter 30: First Kiss

_Our first kiss won't be the last,  
Our loves too deep to end that fast.  
And good things come to those who wait.  
I believe it's only time that keeps us from the thing divine.  
And when it's here you know I'm gonna say...  
"Lay it on my lips."_

-"First Kiss" by Kaci

_**Jasper POV**_

"This isn't the first time we've kissed." She said confidently.

_Shit!_

"Is it?" she deadpanned. I could only shake my head and she pushed me backward as hard as she could. "That's what I lost when I was drunk, isn't it?" she cried. I nodded again, my eyes on the floor. "And you didn't tell me!"

"Sage, I wanted you to remember on your own! I wanted it to be something _you_ wanted as well." I replied quietly.

"You lied to me!"

"I omitted—"

"A lie of _omission_ is still a _lie_." She snarled, but then her face fell. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"If you didn't want me to—"

Sage threw her hands up in exasperation and turned. "Gah! I can't do this. I can't!" she stormed off through the bathroom.

"Sage, stop!" I yelled, taking off after her. "Please!" I grabbed her arm before she could close her bedroom door on me. "I just… I thought maybe you'd blocked it out because you didn't want it to happen and if that was the case—"

"Of course I wanted it to happen!" she cried and then clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide.

I felt my own eyes widen. "What did you just say?" I yanked her hand away from her mouth. "Sage? Say it again."

"I wanted it to happen." She whispered, her cheeks flushed.

_Well… damn._

_I really wasn't expecting…_

_Wow._

_Uh…_

_Wait…_

"You pushed me to Alice." The blush in her cheeks deepened and she turned and busied herself rooting through her drawers for something or other. "You pushed me to Alice!"

"I thought she could make you happy!" she yelled, spinning to face me. "I didn't know she was crazy!"

"But why push me away?" I yelled back.

Her eyes fell again. "I thought she could make you happy." She whispered again.

_Oh you've GOT to be kidding me!_

"You make me happy." I whispered. When she didn't respond, I grabbed her arm and pulled her over to sit on the bed facing me. I hooked her chin with my index finger and tried to make her look at me but she kept her eyes downcast. "You. Make. Me. Happy." I repeated forcefully. "It's always been you, Sage." She jerked her face away. "Sage! Why do you think Peter's always humiliating me? Why do you think everyone was so jealous that you were always writing to me? Why do you think Emmett hates me so much? Because it's _always_ been you!" I pressed my forehead to hers. "Please just look at me?" she sighed and lifted her eyes to mine.

"I wanted to be good enough." She murmured.

I laughed. "I never thought I'd see the day Sage McCarty acted like an idiot… but it finally came." She glared at me. "Don't be stupid, Sage." She rolled her eyes at me. "I don't want to fight with you."

"You just called me stupid, that's not exactly endearing you to me right now." She grumbled.

"You just admitted to pushing me at other girls because you didn't think you were enough. That deserves the label _stupid_." I sighed. "But I don't want to fight. Can't you just kiss me? Please?" she gave a small smile and I captured her lips with mine, relishing the warmth and sweetness of her mouth again.

_Unbelievable._

I leaned back, pulling her with me so we lay facing each other, connected at the lips. I couldn't help but smile as I felt her tongue lightly caress my lower lip and I immediately opened my mouth to her explorations, moaning as her tongue stroked mine.

_Un. Fucking. Believable._

_There are no words._

_At. All._

She pulled away suddenly and her brow furrowed as she traced one of the scars down my chest. "I can put a shirt on." I whispered.

"No." she sighed. "I just wondered… does Peter know?"

I groaned and rolled onto my back while she propped herself up on her elbow. "No. I think he suspects, but I've never outright told him… and you've seen me… I don't take my shirt off a whole hell of a lot."

Sage smiled sadly. "I always wondered… but I figured if you wanted me to know, you'd tell me."

"I did want you to know." I traced the outline of her hand resting on the comforter. "But I guess, like you, I was afraid you'd look at me differently."

"Well, I do." My heart sank. "I never realized how brave you really were… and I always thought you were pretty damn brave, Jas." I smiled and she rolled onto her back. "It can't be this easy."

"Maybe it's supposed to be." I replied. "Because it's us. It's always been easy with us. Isn't that the point?"

"That's why it can't be this easy… because it always has been." She sighed.

"Are you wanting it to be difficult?" I asked hoarsely.

She shook her head. "I just get this feeling it's not as easy as it seems."

I pulled her back to me and kissed her tenderly. "This is easy. Right here, just you and me, is easy." She nodded and pulled me into another searing kiss.

Suddenly, she pulled back and I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was waging some internal battle. I let her think a minute and when she was ready, she said, "I don't think Emmett and Rose should know."

I sighed. "Sage, I don't like the idea of keeping secrets."

"Neither do I… but you know my brother." She was right. I did know Emmett. And that wasn't necessarily a good thing.

"Still… if we don't tell him what's going on…"

"What _is_ going on?"

_OK, that hurt…_

It felt as though she'd slapped me, but she sighed and pecked me on the lips. "Jazz, what I'm saying is that if _we_ can't put a name to it, how are we supposed to tell Emmett and Rosalie?"

_She makes a fair point._

_Are we dating?_

_Are we even together?_

_Or are we just… kissing?_

"OK, so… what are we doing?" I asked.

She snorted a laugh. "You're seriously asking me? You've seen more action than I have." I rolled my eyes. "Maybe we don't put a name to it. Maybe we just… see where it goes."

Smiling, I pulled her closer and pressed a kiss into her hair. "Right now can it be going to my bed?" she cocked an eyebrow at me. "My bed is comfier. You've said so yourself." I smirked at her. "I don't think we should be doing _that_ until we can actually put a name to this." I kissed her forcefully. "Right now I'm really good with this."

She sighed. "Can I get into my PJ's first? In case we fall asleep?"

"That'd be wise. I don't exactly plan on letting you go anywhere." I smirked and gave her another quick kiss. "Change. You know where to find me."

_**Sage POV**_

_Jasper…_

_I…_

_Me…_

_Kiss…_

_SHIT._

_JASPER FUCKING KISSED ME!_

I took a deep breath as I shut the door behind him so I could change and caught sight of myself in my vanity mirror as I turned.

"What am I doing?" I whispered. I took a few steps closer to the mirror and sighed. "I wasn't going to do this. Because Emmett will mess it up."

_But I _WANT_ to do this._

_And even better is that _JASPER_ wants it too._

I threw on a tank top and a pair of flannel pants, went through my nightly routine, and then padded into Jasper's room.

I was slightly disappointed that when he'd decided to change for bed as well, he felt it necessary to put a shirt on, but I brushed it off as habit and smiled as he turned off the light and pulled me into bed and covered my mouth with his.

We fell asleep after several hours of fevered kisses and I awoke early, slipping out of Jasper's arms and padding into the bathroom. As I was brushing my teeth, Jasper stepped in and began preparing his own toothbrush, smirking at me in the mirror.

I felt my cheeks pink and looked away. When I was finished, I made to head for my room to get dressed, but firm hands on my hips stopped me and I closed my eyes as Jasper's lips pressed against the crook of my neck.

"Last night happened, right?" he whispered. "Because if not, I suspect I'm about to be humiliated."

"It happened." I murmured, smiling as he kissed my cheek before moving back to my neck. "Jazz, stop. I have to get dressed so I can drive you to work." I gasped as he pulled my back flush with his chest and nuzzled my neck.

"I could just call in sick."

"No. Because I can't call in sick to Group."

He groaned. "_Fine_." He squeezed my hips and pushed me off toward my room.

Group Therapy wasn't exactly my favorite time of day, but not because of the people. I knew that Jasper wasn't fond of some of the people in my Group, but really, they were alright, albeit a little lost.

What I hated was the shrink who led the session, Doctor Gerandy. He had a nasally, irritating voice and he was entirely too Freudian in his approach. Half the men in the group were convinced they had issues with their mothers because they were breastfed. Since I'd given up on understanding Freud back when I was medicated, I wasn't too interested in much of what Doctor Gerandy had to say, but I listened to what my peers thought with interest.

Today was especially difficult though, because I did need to speak to someone and since Doctor Cullen was available for walk-ins as long as he wasn't scheduled with a patient, I knocked on his door.

"Come in!" he called. I stepped inside and closed the door, giving him a tight smile and a small wave as I did. "Sage, so nice to see you. Are you just coming from Group?"

"Hi, Doctor Cullen. Yeah, we just let out."

He motioned to the chair in front of his desk and I sat, clutching my hands together in my lap. "What's on your mind?"

I sighed. "There's been a… ah… development… and I didn't think I should wait to bring it up tomorrow… just in case you think it'd interfere with my treatment."

That wasn't exactly true. I needed a validation that it was OK to be with Jasper. I couldn't trust my own instincts at the moment and I'd learned that Doctor Cullen provided an interesting perspective when I needed it most.

"Does this have to do with Jasper?" I blinked and he smiled. "Call it Psychiatrist's Intuition. The way you speak of him, it's kind of obvious." I blinked again. "I take it things are progressing past friendship and you're looking for me to give you permission?"

_Well I'll be…_

"Yes." I whispered, shifting my eyes to the floor.

"Well, you won't get it." I deflated immediately. "You don't need it, Sage."

"Say huh?" I deadpanned.

He smiled again, his teeth blindingly white. "I said you don't need my permission. As long as Jasper remains a positive influence, I see no reason why you can't enjoy a relationship with him." He studied me for a moment. "How does your brother feel about it?" I blushed. "Ah. You haven't told him."

_How's he fucking _do_ that?_

_It's like talking to Peter!_

"Not exactly." I mumbled.

"How not exactly?"

I sighed. "Doctor Cullen, you don't know my brother. I know you saw him yesterday and believe me when I tell you that what you saw yesterday was _completely_ foreign to us. Emmett and I have _never_ had a conversation like that, we've never been that open, and he has _never_ been that understanding."

"And you think he won't be understanding if he were to find out you and Jasper wish to pursue a romantic relationship?"

I shook my head. "As much as Emmett's against me dating, if it were Jasper…" I shook my head again. "Emmett's never… taken to Jasper. I think part of it is because Jasper knows me so well… and Emmett feels threatened by it."

He studied me carefully for several long moments, his brown eyes boring a hole into me. Finally, he leaned forward and folded his hands on his desktop. "I don't think it's wise to keep secrets. They have a way of coming out, and usually at an inopportune time." He cleared his throat and leaned back. "But I can't tell you what to do, Sage."

My eyes went wide. "That's… not what I was expecting."

He smiled. "You're an adult, you make your own decisions. This isn't to do with your treatment. This is your life we're talking about. So since you trust me with your treatment, I'll trust you with decisions like this one."

I took a deep breath. "I don't want to tell my brother." I said with an air of finality.

"Alright then. I'll make a note that I'm sure we'll be talking about this again at some point." His expression turned to one of worry. "Sage, secrets like these have a way of taking a toll… draining a person emotionally. If you intend to keep your relationship a secret, you'll need to be more aware of your emotional climate."

I nodded. "I don't think Jasper will let me get away with too much." He smiled. "Thank you, Doctor Cullen." I stood up.

"You're welcome, Sage."

I paused at the door. "Doctor Cullen?" I turned and he fixed me with an easy smile. "Do you have a son named Edward?"

His eyes widened a fraction. "Yes, I do. You know Edward?"

I blushed. "Uh… I'm _that_ Sage."

His smile remained. "Ah yes. Well, I can't be too hard on you for that incident at your house… if it hadn't been for that, Edward might never have met Bella. He's captivated by her, so I can't fault you." I smiled a little. "That was Emmett's doing?"

I gave a start. "Yes." I whispered.

He nodded. "I suppose I see your point."

The rest of my day seemed to drag on by, and by the time I got to the Triple K Ranch to pick Jasper up, I was nearly vibrating with nerves.

Garrett was refilling water troughs for the horses as I stepped into the barn and he smiled at me. "Hey there, Sage."

"Hey, Garrett. How are you?"

"Good." He grinned. "I'm supposed to invite you and Jasper 'round for dinner. Whenever's convenient for you guys. Kate's excited to meet you guys."

I blushed. "Alright, I'll see what we can do."

He smirked and shot a glance down toward the bathroom where Jasper was showering. "Be nice to him. He's had a rough day."

"What happened?" I asked, suddenly worried.

He snorted. "It was like looking at a lost puppy all day. I'd say it's pathetic except I've been there and done that."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for the warning." I took off down to the bathroom and knocked.

"Fuck off, Garrett! I'm almost dressed, calm the fuck down!" Smirking, I knocked again, this time more forcefully. "Dammit, Garrett! I said—" he whipped the door open and stopped, staring at me as I gave him my best wide-eyed innocent impersonation. "Sage…"

"Well, I was gonna give you a kiss, but since you want me to fuck off, I think I'll—" I began to walk away, but he grabbed my arm and yanked me into the bathroom, pressing me against the door as he slammed it shut and crushed his mouth to mine.

He moaned into my mouth and tangled his fingers in my hair as I fisted his shirt and held him to me.

When we broke apart, we were both breathing heavily. "Hi." He whispered.

"Hi." I murmured back, smiling as his lips found mine again before moving to my neck. "Easy there." I laughed. "I'm really not all about going at it in a bathroom in a barn."

Jasper laughed into my neck. "No… me either." He sighed and kissed my shoulder. "I kept waiting to wake up… I wasn't sure you'd come."

"Well, I'm here… and seeing as I can feel you nibbling on my neck, I'm fairly certain you're real." I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. "Stop that. You'll leave a mark." I warned.

He groaned and released me, standing to his full height. "I really don't like the idea of keeping secrets."

I sighed. "Would it make you feel better if I said I talked to Doctor Cullen about it?" he cocked an eyebrow at me. "He's not all for it either, but he understands why… I don't want Emmett to mess this up, Jazz… and you _know_ Emmett will do his damndest to mess this up."

Jasper took a deep breath and hooked the silver chain around my neck with his pinky, yanking his dog tags free of my shirt. "How about we make a deal…" I groaned and he gave me a mischievous grin. "You promise to keep completely straight with me about your recovery, and I'll promise that I won't ever let Emmett screw this up."

I breathed a sigh of relief, though inwardly I was screaming. "Deal." I swallowed. "I have Oxycodone." He raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged. "You said completely straight. That's completely straight. I have Oxycodone."

"Where?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Will you get rid of it?"

That gave me pause. "I don't know." I answered finally. "But I promise I'll tell you if I feel like using."

"You know I'll stop you."

"I know."

His eyes fell back to his tags and he began rubbing them absentmindedly with his thumb. "When's the last time you had one?"

I had to think on that. "A couple years maybe?" he looked like he didn't believe me, so I put up my hands in surrender. "I said I had them. I didn't say I was taking them." And then I sighed. "I _almost_ took one."

"Almost?" he asked, and something in my face told him what he needed to know. "The other night… in the bathroom. You dropped something when I knocked." I nodded. "And it took you so long to open the door because you were hiding them again." I nodded again. "I don't like the idea of not knowing where you're keeping drugs, Sage."

"Jasper, if I'm going to trust you with me, you need to trust me with myself too. That's the only way I see this happening." I told him quietly. "If I have them and don't take them, then there's no worry. But for right now, it's some small comfort to know that I've got them… I truly don't know if I trust Emmett to keep up progress with me…" his eyes narrowed. "I said I'd tell you if I wanted to take them and I meant it. You either need to trust me or not, but you need to tell me now." I finished sternly.

He took a deep breath, his eyes fixed on mine. Finally, he nodded and said, "I trust you."

"Good… Now let's go home and fix dinner. I'm starving." I turned to open the door, but he pushed it closed again.

"Maybe I wanted to actually take you out? You know, since we're hiding from your brother and he's not in town… prime opportunity…"

I snickered and replied with, "What makes you think I wanna go out with you?"

"Hmmm…" he hummed and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, hugging me to him. "The fact that when I kiss you, you kiss back?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" I asked innocently.

"The fact that I've wanted to do that since I surprised you in Forks… and I've got a lot of time to make up for?"

My eyes went wide as his words sunk in. "Oh… yeah, I guess that's a good reason to go out with you."

"I thought so." He chuckled and opened the door. Garrett was leaning against the wall opposite, waiting patiently, but I couldn't help but blush.

"Everything alright? I wasn't aware Jasper might need help getting dressed." He smirked.

"Kiss my ass, Garrett." Jasper retorted. "And say _hi_ to Kate for me."

"I will. You guys have a good night!" he called after us.

We ended up not going out. Emmett and Rose returned from Half Moon Bay early because of some huge party or other in their hotel that was simply too loud and raucous for Rose's taste.

I was only able to contain my disappointment until we made it to Jasper's room where we laid down nose-to-nose.

"Our siblings have shitty timing." He groaned.

"Yeah." I sighed and reached up to thread the fingers of my right hand in his hair. "There's always after we come back from Napa… they've got that big rebuild coming up, remember?" I slowly began to scratch his scalp, smiling as he closed his eyes and relaxed.

"I guess… Oh God, that feels fucking awesome." He reached out and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer and attacking my mouth with his own. "Sage, I want to do this right." He whispered against my lips. "I wanna take you out on a real date. You won't deny me that, will you?"

I sighed and stroked his tongue with mine before replying, "I suppose not."

"Sage!"

_FUCK!_

I wrenched myself out of Jasper's hold and toppled off the bed, landing on my feet and sprinting through the bathroom and into my own room. I yanked my door open and yelled, "What?"

Emmett paused at the top of the stairs. "Bella wants to come for a visit in August. You cool with sharing your room for a week?"

I sighed, though I knew he couldn't hear me. "Yeah, sure." I called.

"OK." I listened as he shut the basement door again and then heard his heavy footfalls cross back to the couch before I made my way back to Jasper's room.

He was exactly where I'd left him and I grinned and made a show of toppling on top of him. For his part, he faked a convincing grunt before wrapping his arms around me and cinching me to his chest.

"So you'll be sharing your room in August." He stated, suddenly disappointed.

"So?"

"Well, lately you've been in _here_."

"So? Come August I'll still be in here." I smirked.

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "But if we're keeping this a secret—"

"Oh please," I scoffed. "I've got too much dirt on Bella for her to go ratting me out to Emmett." I rolled my eyes, but he didn't appear to believe me, so I elaborated. "All the stuff she doesn't want Charlie to know about… like the time she gave Jake a blowjob in the back of the cruiser… or the time she and Mike Newton had sex in Charlie's bed… Oh, I've got a million of them." I told him as his eyes got progressively wider at hearing Bella's past sins.

He thought for a long while before asking in what I assumed was supposed to be an innocent voice, "And what have you done that I should know about?"

_Say huh?_

_Oh hell… is he asking…_

_Yeah. He's asking._

"You're asking about Michael." I deadpanned.

He shifted beneath me before sighing, "Yeah."

"Jazz, I don't think it—"

"Did he touch you?" he asked quietly and my breath caught at the directness of the question.

_No point in lying, is there?_

_Well, yeah… to spare his feelings…_

_But I shouldn't lie… and he wants to know…_

_He doesn't want to _know_… he wants to know Michael didn't get anywhere…_

_Which I can't tell him, because _that_ would be a lie._

_Fuck._

_Me._

_Sideways._

_Hard._

"Yes." I answered just as quietly. His grip tightened, bringing me impossibly closer and I gasped, "Jazz, that hurts."

He loosened immediately. "Sorry." He sighed and tilted his head back, thinking a moment. Without looking at me, he asked, "Did you touch him?"

"No."

For a moment, he looked relieved and placated. But only for a moment.

"Jazz, is this a Toy Situation?"

"A what?" he asked, turning his eyes back to me.

"Michael got the better toy and now you're upset?"

"No!" he cried, but he shifted uncomfortably. Sighing, he kissed my lips softly and said, "Some things are gonna be easier than others… and this is one of the hard things… knowing that you've been intimate with someone… who wasn't me."

_Jesus! We've been making out one day and…_

"Now back on up a minute, Jazz, I—"

He held up a hand to silence me. "I'm not saying I expect us to be intimate… I'm just—"

"Jealous?" I asked.

He grimaced. "Yeah." He admitted lamely.

I shook my head.

_Silly Jasper._

I kissed him softly and asked, "Would it make you feel better if I told you that I wished it was you?"

He smiled against my lips. "No… but thank you anyway."

_**End Note: Push that button and leave me a review. I'll send you a teaser.**_


	32. Everywhere

_**A/N: Still don't own.**_

_**This story is rated M for a reason: adult situations and future lemons. If you are under the age of 18, please don't read.**_

_**RemyKilday is my pre-reader. I love her to bits.**_

_**HammerHips is my Schwoogie-Muffin and I owe her so much.**_

Chapter 31: Everywhere

_'Cause you're everywhere to me  
And when I close my eyes it's you I see  
You're everything I know  
that makes me believe  
I'm not alone  
I'm not alone_

-"Everywhere" by Michelle Branch

_**Sage POV**_

Jasper and I managed to make it to Friday evening without anymore near-misses with Emmett and I was glad to sink into his side as we drove up to Napa, though I was scared to see what had become of the house since Alice's visit.

It probably helped that we were slowly but surely learning a new side to each other during the nighttime hours. We were getting bolder with each other, nipping, kissing, teasing, and surprisingly, it felt natural. As though we'd always been just that way.

But at the same time, Jasper seemed to be more concerned about my well-being and it was starting to get to me. The more he asked about therapy, the more he shifted uncomfortably if I referenced the depression, or made a joke about it, the worse I felt about admitting my problem in the first place. It wasn't good or healthy, and I knew things would come to a head eventually, but I was trying my damndest to not let it get to me.

I was glad to be getting away to Napa for the weekend. Maybe when we were out of the house, away from Emmett and Rose and the black cloud that hung over our home… maybe then things would realign.

Peter had talked about taking a sledgehammer and gutting the place, but his parents point blank refused and hired a contractor to repair the damage. Charlotte was in charge of refurnishing and painting (which really meant that she'd pick the color, Peter would make it so; she'd point to a piece of furniture, Peter would produce the plastic; and she'd point to where that furniture would go, and Peter would put it there). I found it funny, quite frankly.

When we arrived at the ranch, they were in their usual spot on the porch swing waiting for us, but they had company in the form of a guy about my age, dark skinned with black hair and startlingly white teeth.

"That's Benjamin Massri." Peter introduced us. "He's the new ranch hand on deck. He's pulling in the weekend duty for now."

I smiled and shook his hand. "I had a professor last fall named Amun Massri… any relation?"

"My father." He admitted. "Small world."

"Apparently so. Do you know much about horses?"

"I'm still learning, actually."

"He's eager and happy to learn though." Charlotte added, giving Benjamin a wink.

Jasper wrapped an arm around my shoulders and guided me into the house, but as I made to take my bag into the room I normally occupied, he continued tugging me further down the hall, not stopping until we were in his room and the door was closed.

"Flirt much?" he asked. His tone said he was joking, but there was a glint in his eye that told me he wasn't.

"Jasper Nathaniel Whitlock,"

_Oh yeah. I totally just full-named him._

I put my hands on my hips and glowered at him. "I _know_ you did not just go all jealous boyfriend on me."

The corner of his mouth hitched up in a half-smile and he asked, "_Am_ I your boyfriend?"

"No." I answered easily. "We said we weren't going to name it."

"I see… So you _were_ flirting with the ranch hand."

I sighed. "You got me. I've totally got the hots for the ranch hand. I mean, that nice blond hair, those green eyes, and you should hear him play guitar. If you heard him on the guitar, you'd have the hots for the ranch hand too." He glared at me and I smirked. "I'm being a smartass."

"I know you are. I'm debating whether or not to let it slide."

I made a _tsht_ sound in the back of my throat and shook my head. "Jazz, if you start getting jealous _now_, we're going to have problems really quick."

A low, rumbling growl resounded from his chest and he raked his fingers through his hair. "Sage, I've seen you with too many men." I quirked an eyebrow at him. "You know what I mean!" he cried defensively.

"Actually, I'm waiting to hear you back yourself into the bear trap on that one, Jasper." I deadpanned. "Enlighten me, _please_."

"Jake… Seth… _Paul_…" he spat Paul's name. "Alec… _Michael_… Alec _again_…"

"Well for starters, I never did anything with Jake or Paul… or Alec for that matter." I narrowed my eyes at him. "I kissed Seth _once_, and when I say _kissed_, I mean we had no idea what the hell we were doing and he used too much tongue. As for Michael, that's _my_ business and seeing as you didn't exactly speak up while it was going on, I'd give a fair guess that I'm in the clear on that one… but you did do a _fantastic_ job of interrupting with him." He took a deep breath and clenched his jaw. I could tell I was pissing him off. "Jasper, I was being nice to Benjamin. And there's nothing wrong with that."

"As long as you're climbing into my bed at night, right?" he asked sarcastically.

I sucked my teeth. "Alright, looks like I won't even be doing that this trip." I turned and headed through the bathroom to my room.

"Sage, come on!" he cried, following me.

"Nope." I answered, popping the P. "We're here all of five minutes and you're picking a fight with me because you're tripping over your ego, so you'd better name it, it'll be snuggling with you tonight." I tossed my bag on the bed and began unpacking my toiletries and boots.

His arms snaked around my middle and held me back as I headed for the bathroom again. "I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I'm jealous."

"Really, Columbo? Figure that one out on your own?" I bit out, but gasped as his lips pressed against my neck.

"If you saw what I saw… Saw the way men react to you, you'd understand… How am I ever supposed to keep you?"

I sunk back into his embrace and closed my eyes as his lips danced across my skin. "Easy. Be Jasper. Simple." I murmured.

"Is it enough?" I couldn't answer as he lightly bit my shoulder and I felt him smile against the mark he left. "Is it?" I nodded. "How can I believe that when you won't put a name to this?" he kissed my neck again.

"Oh _not_ fair! Manipulative _man_!" I ripped his hands off my stomach and continued with unpacking.

He leaned against the doorframe as I put my shampoo and conditioner in the shower stall and placed my toothbrush and toothpaste on the sink.

"Sage, do you want to see someone else? Is there someone else on your mind?"

"No!" I cried exasperatedly.

"Hey Lovebirds! Quit having a spat! It's annoying and entirely too fucking soon!" Peter yelled from the living room.

I rolled my eyes. "No, Jasper. There isn't anyone else." I mumbled.

"Then why not put a name to it? To keep a clear conscience about keeping it from Emmett?" I shrugged. "Sage, I need you to be all-in with me or not at all! I've been waiting for you since I got back from Iraq!"

"Oh Christ, Jazz. You weren't exactly singin' Country while you were dating Maria… or Alice."

"You bring the bitch into this and I swear I'll go straight home and tell Emmett." He snarled.

"Which bitch?" I asked, smirking at the rhyme.

"Pick one!" he yelled.

"Children! Don't make me separate you two!"

"SHUT UP, PETER!" we both shouted.

I shook my head. "Why are we fighting?" I asked.

"Because I don't want to be a dirty little secret!"

"You're not!" I cried, but he folded his arms across his chest and looked at the floor. "You're not. Jasper," I sighed and grabbed his shirt, pulling him to me. "You're not." I pressed myself against him until I was staring up into his eyes. "Why's it matter, so long as there's no one else?" I whispered.

"Because I don't ever want there to be anyone else… and I want to be able to say you're mine."

"Possessive." I snarked, but I smiled just the same.

"Very." He agreed. "Either you're mine or you're not. But I can't do this… the sneaking around, the secrets… if you're not."

"That sounds very dangerously like blackmail."

He shook his head. "It's the truth, Sage. You're hiding behind your depression and your therapy and I think that you think if you keep me at arm's length it'll give you one less thing to concentrate on."

_Well fuck…_

_He's good._

_Dammit._

I sighed and buried my face in his chest. "I'm your girlfriend, OK?" I mumbled, but it was so muffled it sounded like "_Mmguffuh doke_".

"What was that?" he laughed.

"I'm your girlfriend, OK?" I yelled, pulling my face away.

Jasper laughed. "OK… Geez, no need to be so anxious." I glared at him.

"Charlotte! Get the plastic sheets outta the closet! Parsley's agreed to be Jasper's girl! I don't fancy gettin' Joy Juice outta those fifteen hundred thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets!"

"SHUT UP, PETER!" we yelled again.

"We are taking it slow, Jazz." I warned him.

He smirked. "Darlin', you and I only have two speeds… _Slow_ and _Stop_."

I bobbed a nod. "That's actually pretty accurate. I like that."

He smiled and grabbed me by the hips, hoisted me into the air, and plopped me on the bathroom counter. "As long as I can do this," he kissed me softly, his tongue darting out to touch my lower lip before he sucked it into his mouth and bit down gently. "I'm good. I like kissing you."

"Mmm…" I agreed. "Definitely a highlight." I smiled as his mouth descended on mine again. "Can we not fight about stupid shit anymore please? No more jealousy too."

He chuckled. "I promise to try to hide it better, how about that?"

I sighed. "I'll take what I can get." And then I looked around. "You seen the hot ranch hand?"

"Yeah, I think he's in my room." He rolled his eyes as he played along, scooping me up off the counter and carrying me back to his room while I laughed. He laid us down on the bed and gave me a quick peck on the lips as I stroked his hair. "You don't need to be jealous, Jas."

He smiled wistfully. "If only it were that simple. You've got no idea what goes through men's minds… and unfortunately, I can tell what every guy is thinking when he looks at you."

I quirked an eyebrow. "How?"

The blood immediately flooded his cheeks and he buried his face in the comforter. "I just know, OK?"

_**Jasper POV**_

"Glad to see you two decided to come up for air." Peter snarked as Sage and I made our way out to the living room.

"Shut up, Peter." I groaned as I sat down in the new recliner and pulled Sage into my lap.

"Ya'll are sickening. You've been here two hours and you're sickening." He scowled at us. "Baby, why aren't we that sickeningly cute anymore?" he called out.

I heard Charlotte snicker from the kitchen. "Easy, Babe. You got my name tattooed on your chest and figured it was as good as a marriage proposal."

"Oh yeah… But I'm not sure I'm ready for that kinda commitment."

I rolled my eyes and smiled as Sage settled against me, resting her head on my shoulder and turning her face in to kiss my neck.

_Sweet, sweet torture._

"So what's the damage?" I asked, glancing around at the freshly painted and furnished living room. "How bad was it?"

He shrugged. "It coulda been worse. My mom was kinda thrilled about the kitchen… said she'd been wantin' to gut the damn thing for ages but couldn't justify the expense. Asked me to pass along her thanks before I cock the shotgun at that little—"

"Peter, we're not talking about her directly. Remember? It puts the bad vibes in the atmosphere." Charlotte scolded, coming out of the kitchen with a plateful of sandwiches. "Dig in. I won't have the new range and oven until tomorrow, so we're livin' off sandwiches 'til then."

"Damn. I really wanted some soup." Sage muttered and I stiffened. "Ease up, it was a _joke_."

"You joke too much about it."

"You don't laugh enough. I'm pretty funny in recovery. My whole group voted me Miss Congeniality during our Team-Building exercise."

"Good for them." I grumbled.

"Jasper…" Peter warned, taking the tone I normally took with him. "Be supportive. Your girlfriend is fragile and could break at any moment. And I'm outta weed, so I can't put her back in that Zen state if you fuck up again."

Sage rolled her eyes and bit into her sandwich. "See? Even Peter thinks you should laugh more." I was not amused. "If you don't wipe that ugly scowl off your face I'm gonna sleep in my own bed tonight." She threatened around another mouthful.

"No you won't. The coyotes might get you." I teased.

"Dude, that's not cool!" she shrieked. "You don't fucking bring up the damn coyotes! What's wrong with you?"

"Cut him off! Cut him off now!" Peter cheered.

"He's not getting any to begin with, what exactly do I cut off?" she asked, followed by a scowl, and a "Fuck off, Peter." At the smirk and raised eyebrow he gave her.

"Not my fault you wanna go all Lorena Bobbitt."

Sage shook her head slowly. "I think I'm gonna go for a ride."

"Wait up and I'll go with you." She shot me a look. "What? I'm not allowed to want to go for a ride with you?"

"The way you said it…" her eyes narrowed a fraction. "Is this the ranch hand thing all over again?"

"No!" I cried, falling back in the chair.

_Maybe just a little…_

"It's a worried about the _bitch_ thing."

_Better answer._

She sighed. "OK."

It took us a while to actually _get_ to the riding part and even then, it was a fail. Benjamin was in the barn tending the horses and he happened to be refilling Diablo's water trough at the time.

"He's beautiful. He's yours?" He asked Sage as she stepped into the stall and greeted Diablo.

She nodded. "Jasper gave him to me for Christmas."

Benjamin stepped aside and let her lead Diablo out and down toward the tack room to prep him.

"Beautiful." He whispered.

"I know." I answered.

He blushed crimson and his eyes hit the hay-strewn floor. "I wasn't talking about the horse."

"I know." I repeated, giving him a hard look.

_Can I just tattoo my name on the back of her neck? _

_It'd save so much time._

I tamped the jealousy down and gave him a tight smile. "She's always been beautiful. She's completely oblivious to it though."

He smiled sheepishly. "Hard to believe."

"Tell me about it."

"You've been together a long time?"

_Is this one of those times it's OK to lie?_

_Probably not._

"We've known each other for seven years."

There was a spark of hope in his eyes. "So you're not…" he trailed off, assuming I caught his meaning.

"No, we very much _are_." I answered without heat. "But I've belonged to her for a lot longer than she realizes." My eyes found Sage as she threw the saddle over Diablo and then she frowned.

"Jas, come look at this." I strode down the walkway to her and she placed a flat palm on Diablo's flank. "What is this?"

She'd put her hand against it to mark the spot. As Diablo was all black, it was difficult to see without someone pointing it out, but part of his flank appeared to have been burned.

"Peter hasn't mentioned anything happening to him, has he?"

"Not at all…" I answered. "And it's only been a few weeks. That wasn't there last time, was it?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so… but I didn't ride last time… maybe I missed it?"

I ran a finger over the burn mark and Diablo shifted and whipped at me with his tail, giving an agitated grunt as he did. "Sweetheart, maybe you shouldn't ride him right now… I think the saddle will rub up against this. He's not very comfortable with it."

"But what _is_ it?" she pressed worriedly.

I wrapped an arm around her. "I don't know, but we'll call the Vet in the morning, OK?" she nodded and I kissed her hair. "Anything else you'd like to do?" I pulled the saddle off Diablo and put it back in the tack room while she led him back to his stall.

She shrugged as she locked the stall door. "I don't know… I don't think I wanna go back to the house. Peter was trying to coax Char into the shower." She shuddered. "I've heard those two have entirely too much sex." I smirked. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah, right. That was totally a _something_ face."

I grinned. "I'm sure one day you'll be discussing sex with Char like it's goin' outta style."

It was Sage's turn to smirk. "I already do, Jas." I felt my jaw drop. "It's quite informative. We trade information, Char and I. I give her the latest buzz on vibrators and she gives me sex tips."

_Oh, sweet Jesus, kill me right now._

_If I move, she's gonna see my raging hard-on._

I cleared my throat and shifted, trying to adjust myself without her noticing. "And when have you had a chance to—"

"Jasper…" she warned.

"What? I'm curious! I'm also a _guy_. You say sex, and I'm sorry, but my brain shuts down all secondary function because you've said the magic word and it's on self-destruct." I was rambling and I knew it, but suddenly all bets were off with Sage. I had absolutely _no idea_ what I was doing. I wasn't sure I ever had. She rolled her eyes at me. "I'm a _guy_, Sage. It's what we do. We think about sex, food, and sports. It's how we make it through the day." She raised an eyebrow. "What? Stop looking at me like that!" I was starting to panic under her scrutiny.

Finally, she smirked and shook her head. "Adjust yourself, Jazz. Peter sees you in that state and you'll never hear the end of it." My mouth popped open again. "Oh don't look at me like that, you've been hard the better part of this week." She rolled her eyes at me. "I _know_ you think about sex, and I _know_ you're a guy and it's what you do, and believe it or not, Virgin Sage _knows_ you have a penis. And it gets hard. And I like teasing you about it because I think it's funny and if you're not going to laugh at my depression jokes, I'm going to laugh at your sexual frustration." She stuck her tongue out at me and sauntered off toward the house.

_What the fuck just happened here?_

_I think I just got told._

And then, of course, the _guy_ part of my brain engaged.

_She obviously likes me hard…_

_That is so not the point…_

Sage poked her head back in the door. "You coming?" I stared at her blankly and she smirked. "Too scared to move or too stunned by what I said?"

"Kinda both." I answered quietly.

She laughed at that. "So… you don't want to make out then?"

_Oh please kill me. Right now. _

_My dick can't possibly get any harder._

"Guess that's a _no_." she replied to my silence. "OK then."

"Dammit! Get back here!" I cried, running after her.

_Horny teenager alert._

_I never got to be a horny teenager._

_And Sage is a horny teenager._

I caught up with her as she lifted the lid off the apple barrel and began choosing from the freshly harvested Macintoshes.

"Go away. The moment's passed. You missed your chance." She teased as she put the lid back on.

"Rude." I feigned disgust and she giggled at me. I sighed and pulled her into a hug, noticing immediately that Benjamin was watching us from the chicken coop. I narrowed my eyes, but knew he was too far off to see it. "You going to let me take you out tonight?" I murmured into her hair. "Please?"

"Do I have a choice?"

_Ow_.

I pulled back to look at her and she rolled her eyes. "Jasper, I'm teasing. Stop being so serious."

I sighed. "You need to be a bit more serious."

"About us?"

"In general." I replied.

It was her turn to roll her eyes. "You know, treating me like a sick person is what got you kept in the dark so long to begin with." She sighed and pulled away.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I cried.

"It means that that's why I didn't tell you the last time! Because I didn't want you to treat me differently! And now look! You're treating me like I'm sick, and to compensate for the shift, I'm busy trying to lighten the mood and we're not where we _should_ be." She cried. "Do you think I want to keep you at arm's length? That I _want_ to have to tease you and be ambivalent about the state of our relationship? Because honestly, I have _no clue_ where we are or what the hell is going on other than the fact that I _really_ enjoy kissing you…"

It felt as though she'd punched me. All the air left my lungs.

"But I don't have time to figure any of that out because you're not being you and I'm trying to make you be you which is making me not be me!"

I groaned and pulled her back to me. "You're right, I'm sorry." And then I sighed. "This is new… It's hard to put the you that's my friend together with the you that I want to be with romantically… so to speak."

"We're the same person, Dumbass." She quirked an eyebrow at me. "And don't go pulling that shit-eatin' grin out like you think it's gonna get you out of this, because it's not." I had to grin, even though she told me not to." She sighed. "It's not easy moving from _Just Friends_ to _More Than Friends_, Jazz, but you can't be taking it out on my mental and emotional health."

I nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry." I brushed her bangs out of her eyes and smiled when she grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me down to meet her lips.

"Yes." She whispered.

"What?" I asked, suddenly confused.

"Yes. You can take me out tonight." She giggled and kissed me again.

I'd never had so much trouble getting dressed. I spent an hour after my shower standing around in just my jeans, attempting to pick out a shirt and coming up empty-handed before Charlotte barged straight on in and I was forced to whip an undershirt on to cover my chest and back.

She smirked. "Easy there, Sugar, I'm just here to help." She pulled my forest green button-down out of the closet. "She likes you in green… brings out your eyes." She handed me the shirt and instead of leaving through the main door, she strode through the bathroom and barged into Sage's room.

"Char!"

"Easy, I'm here to help." Char murmured, but I had to smile in relief knowing that Sage was at least having some trouble as well.

I sighed and pulled my old black combat boots out of the closet, but Peter suddenly yelled, "TRY AGAIN, COWBOY!"

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my brown cowboy boots, sitting on the end of the bed to pull them on, before heading out to the living room. Peter was lounging across the couch, his feet propped on the armrest.

"Don't you look pretty." He snarked.

"Fuck you."

"Be nice to me. Your ex-girlfriend blew up my kitchen. I'm wasting away living on sandwiches."

I rolled my eyes. "Fuck you… and you just put those bad vibes in the atmosphere by mentioning her."

For once, Peter actually looked somewhat nervous and he didn't give his usually easy grin. "Shit… If somethin' happens, Char'll have my ass… she's real big on the _vibes_ and_ karma_ and shit lately… I don't know—" he stopped abruptly and bolted upright, eyes wide as he stared past me.

I turned. And nearly keeled over. Sage was fidgeting under Peter's stare, but I understood exactly what had him so entranced.

The boot-cut jeans and the black combat boots weren't a new thing for her, but she was wearing a short-sleeve black V-neck shirt and a cream-colored lace camisole under it. Charlotte had obviously wrangled her into a sitting position long enough to strip all the color from her hair and trim it back to her shoulder blades. I smiled at the tight barrel curls that cascaded over her shoulders, knowing Charlotte had obviously taken much more time with Sage than the few minutes I thought she had.

"Don't you dare laugh at me, Peter." She warned, twisting the hem of her shirt while he continued to stare. "You either." She whispered to me.

I shook my head. "Thought hadn't even crossed my mind." I replied easily, holding a hand out to her and she took it, lacing her fingers with mine. "You look incredible." The blood rushed to her cheeks, but she smiled.

"So do you."

Peter cleared his throat, clearly back to his fuckery as Charlotte joined him on the couch. "Now, I want you two home by midnight… no drive-ins, no pit stops at any pharmacies, no drinking, no drugs, no sex, and no—"

"Peter, shut up." I murmured, still not taking my eyes off of Sage. "You ready?"

"Yeah."

I tugged her along after me and helped her into the truck before running around to the driver's side and climbing behind the wheel.

"So where are we going?" she asked.

I blushed as she settled herself against me and buckled herself into the center. "I figured we'd start small. Dinner and a movie?"

She grinned. "I like that idea."

_Thank God._

I wasn't as creative as Michael and it wasn't like I had a telescope or anything, but I knew Sage wouldn't compare me to him.

We stared at the movie options for the longest time, both shaking our heads.

"Why are there so many Foreign films out?" she asked. "If I'm watching a movie, I don't want to read. How much sense does that make?"

"What about the Romance?" I teased and she rolled her eyes. "No good?"

"Considering I don't usually watch them to begin with, I'd rather not start now." She squinted at the listing board. "What about the zombie movie?"

I rolled my eyes. "Figures you'd want to see the horror movie on a date."

"Hey, bite your tongue. I'm a real catch. Guys all over would love to date me on that fact alone."

I smirked. "I could just bite your tongue." She blushed again and buried her face in my chest and I smiled, but it immediately turned into a frown as I caught two Backstreet Boy wannabes leering at Sage.

The blond one looked up at me and smirked as my grip on her tightened reflexively. The darker one refused to take his eyes off her at all, licking his lips before obviously deciding she was worth a try and striding toward us.

"Hey there, Baby, you wanna go for a _ride_?" Sage quirked an eyebrow at him. "I'm Max." and he nodded back at his friend. "That's Liam." Sage simply stared. "What's your name, Baby?"

"It sure as hell isn't _Baby_, that's for damn sure." She replied scathingly and I couldn't help the little thrill that went through me as her fingers latched onto my belt buckle, pulling me closer.

"Don't be like that." He crooned.

"She's taken." I answered him.

He smirked again. "Not if I can help it."

Sage rolled her eyes. "Believe me, you can't." and then she looked up at me. "Jas, let's get our dinner first and give the theatre a chance to get rid of the trash."

_Oh sweet baby Jesus, I love that look on her right now._

The gaze she fixed Max with would've knocked me to my knees and forced me to beg for mercy and I couldn't help but smile as he took a step back.

She wrapped her arm around my hips as I draped mine around her shoulders and we walked back out to the truck.

"Maybe we'll find a different theatre." I mumbled.

"Nah. We'll just grab dinner and come back. Even if they're still here, I _am_ wearing my shit-stompers."

I had to laugh. "Of course, you're absolutely terrifying!"

"Damn straight!" she smiled up at me and I shook my head as we climbed into the truck. "What? Jasper, what's wrong?"

"Just… had to be tonight… he couldn't have appeared any other night to start trouble… but our first date." I sighed, suddenly deflated. It seemed every time Sage and I had been close to something, someone was always tripping us up. First Emmett, then Maria… Alice… Michael…

She simply scoffed, "Jasper, when's anything been normal with us? I'd be concerned if things went off without a hitch at this stage of the game." When she saw that it wasn't cheering me any to think that way though, she sighed and sat up on her knees, took my face in her hands, and kissed me, softly at first and then with more vigor until I almost couldn't stand it. When she pulled away, we were both breathless, but she smiled, sat back down, and buckled herself in. "We're not normal, Jasper. And that's OK, remember? As long as_ we_ are OK, nothing else matters."

I smiled and kissed her hair as I started the truck. "How'd you get so wise?"

"Oh, I'm not." She insisted mockingly. "I'm just repeating what I've been told. I can't remember who said it, but I suppose if that person who I can't remember is wrong, then you and I will just end up hating each other."

I wrapped and arm around her shoulder and smiled as she turned her head and kissed my jaw. "I don't want that to happen." I whispered.

"It won't." she said confidently. "I don't think I could hate you no matter how much I tried or wanted to."

"Ditto." I grinned and then rolled my eyes as my phone started to buzz. I pulled it out of my pocket and glanced at the screen.

_Peter_.

The only reason Peter would be calling _now_ would be if something was wrong.

_But how wrong?_

I debated with myself, wondering if I actually wanted to ruin the entire night with whatever Pete had to say. I pandered so long, in fact, that it rolled to voicemail and Sage's phone began to ring. She pulled it out of her pocket, glanced at it, and handed it to me.

Sighing, I hit the _Speaker_ button. "What's up, Pete?"

"_Take me off speaker."_

I cocked an eyebrow and took the phone off _Speaker_, putting it to my ear. "What's up?"

"_You need to come home. Now."_

"Why?"

There was a sigh followed by, _"Somethin's happened to the horses."_ My eyes went wide and before I could ask, he said, _"Diablo's alive… but you need to see this."_

_**End Note: Leave me a review, I'll send you a teaser.**_


	33. The Roof Is On Fire

_**A/N: It still belongs to Stephanie Meyer.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult situations, themes, and future lemons. No one under 18 please.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday for being my kick-ass pre-reader.**_

_**Love to HammerHips for being my cool as hell Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

Chapter 32: The Roof Is On Fire

_The roof the roof the roof is on fire  
The roof the roof the roof is on fire  
The roof the roof the roof is on fire  
We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn  
Burn motherfucker burn_

-"The Roof Is On Fire" by Bloodhound Gang

_**Jasper POV**_

I pulled the truck up next to Peter's in the drive and rolled out before the engine had even stopped humming. "What happened?" I shouted as Peter appeared out of the barn. He waved us over and we sprinted across the green and up the path, skidding to a stop as he blocked our path.

For the first time in the four years I'd known Peter, he was crying. "It's gruesome." He whispered hoarsely. We made to go around him, but he grabbed Sage's arm and held her to him. "I don't think you should go in there."

Sage looked to me for help and I was caught between a rock and a hard place.

_Go with Pete's advice and keep her out here?_

_ And very nearly possibly incur Sage's wrath?_

_ Or let her go in?_

_ And very nearly possibly have to deal with whatever's in there's affect on her?_

"Sage, stay with Peter, please." I said quietly before stepping into the barn.

The smell of blood immediately assaulted my senses and I felt lightheaded from the sight that met my eyes. A barrel that normally held apples had been tipped over, the contents spilling out: blood. Lots of it. Gallons of blood.

Resisting the urge to vomit, I chanced a glance into the nearest stall and immediately regretted it. The horse's name was Tramp. He was on his side, dead. His neck had been sliced along the main artery and his white coat was stained crimson. His eyes had long gone cold.

All the horses were like that, but one: Coley. Coley was still breathing, the gash in his throat not as deep as the rest. I closed my eyes and choked down the tears, knowing that Peter would have to finish the job and what it must be doing to him.

_But Diablo?_

Diablo wasn't in his stall. He wasn't even in the barn.

When I returned to the doorway, Peter was whispering in Sage's ear and she was white as a sheet. Her eyes flashed to me and immediately filled with tears.

"Peter," I whispered hoarsely. "Coley's—"

"Yeah, I know." he whispered. "Charlotte's getting the shotgun."

Sage's knees buckled and I clutched her around the middle, holding her up. "It's OK." I murmured before turning back to Peter. "Where's Diablo?"

Peter swallowed and nodded his head toward the paddock just as Charlotte came out of the house carrying Peter's shotgun.

"Sage, let's go see Diablo." I took her hand and tugged her toward the paddock, not wanting her to watch Peter prep the gun and do the deed. "He's gotta kill Coley." I whispered once we made it to the fence. If it were possible, she paled even more. "It'll be quick, Sweetie… he's suffering right now." I implored.

"I know." She mumbled.

I felt, rather than heard, Peter cock the gun and immediately yanked Sage to my chest, pressing one ear over my heart and covering the other with my hand as I closed my eyes and waited for the shot. We both tensed when it rent the air and Sage choked on a sob before pulling away and climbing onto the fence to watch Diablo.

"What's going to happen now?" she murmured.

I climbed up and sat next to her. "I don't know… those horses didn't all belong to Peter's family… there could be some trouble. Insurance'll pay for them but… they may not be able to afford the premiums to be able to stable and train horses anymore after this."

Sage wasn't paying attention to me anymore. Her eyes were fixed on Diablo, narrowed and zeroing in on something I wasn't seeing in the twilight.

"Sage?" She hopped down off the fence and strode over to the horse, careful when he twitched and reared up. "Darlin', don't." I called, but she ignored me and grabbed his halter and pulled his nose to her face so that he could get a good sniff of her and calm down. I relaxed when Diablo nudged her affectionately. "Sage, what's wrong?"

She was tracing something on Diablo's right shoulder. "There's… a mark. A brand."

"What?" I leapt off the fence and jogged over to them, taking a firm hold of the halter before guiding Diablo's head around so I could get a good look.

_A_.

Simple. Succinct. An _A_.

_Jesus fucking Christ. _

_ She's not going to stop._

_ She's not ever going to stop._

_ She didn't kill Diablo for a reason. She wanted me to know that she's going for the pain… that she'll get at me any way she can._

_And Diablo is a representation of Sage…_

My hand reflexively closed on the section of belt at the small of Sage's back. "Let's go inside. Come on."

"I can't leave him. He's scared, Jas. Look at him."

I sighed. "Pete!" I yelled.

"Yeah?" he came around the barn with an arm around a sobbing Charlotte.

"There's a small stable up at the vineyard, right?"

"Yeah. Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"I don't think Diablo should stay here tonight… all those horses… all the blood… and it's too hot to leave him outside."

He nodded. "Yeah, I think you're probably right." He groaned. "Come help me hitch up the trailer and I'll drive him out. I'm sure my parents won't mind lookin' after him…" his eyes landed on the spot where Sage's finger was still tracing that damned _A_. As we made it out of earshot of the girls, he murmured, "What the hell happened to D?"

"She branded him. Put a fucking _A_ on his shoulder." I growled.

He sighed. "We could always brand over it… or… I don't know… Put an _S_ in front of it and an _M_ behind… give him Sage's initials?"

"No. Sage'll never go for that. She doesn't like the idea of branding animals and I'm pretty sure Diablo won't take it well… he seemed pretty skittish and you know D. He's skittish with you, with me… but never with Sage. He reared up at her."

Peter's eyes went wide and he nodded. "I don't know what to say then… there's no erasing it." He sighed as we reached his truck and began hitching the horse trailer to it.

I scrubbed my hands over my face and thought a minute. "We may not have to worry… Who knows? Sage may not want to keep him now."

"You don't honestly believe that, do you?" I shrugged. "Sage wouldn't give that horse up if he had leprosy. Hell, if it'd been him instead of Coley, I'm willing to bet she'd have been doin' CPR or some shit." I gave him a small smile. "Diablo was a present from you. No way she's giving him up." He assured me as Charlotte and Sage led Diablo up the path toward us. "Giddy up! Let's go!" he yelled.

"He's scared, Peter, don't yell at him!" Sage cried as Diablo reared up again and she lost her balance as her feet left the ground. I lunged and caught her before she could fall while Peter grabbed at Diablo's halter and wrestled him into the trailer. "Peter, stop! Be nice to him!" she cried over my shoulder.

"Sage, calm down." I tried to soothe her, but my tone seemed to get her hackles up even more.

"He's scared! He had to watch and listen to those horses die and then _she_ branded him! She fucking stuck a red-hot iron against his shoulder! It's too much! It's no wonder he's so upset and Peter's not helping!" she was sobbing by the end of her tirade.

I picked her up and wrapped her legs around my waist as I started to walk away and back toward the house. "It's OK." I whispered. "Diablo's safe." I sat down on the porch swing, keeping her straddling me as I rubbed her back, and sighed. "Sage… if you want to get rid of him—"

She reeled so far backward she nearly toppled off my lap, but I steadied her. "Why would I get rid of Diablo?" she asked, suddenly confused.

"I know how you feel about branding… and there's no way to get it off… she got to him… and I know that he might feel tainted now because of it and—"

"I don't want to get rid of Diablo. He's _mine_. _You_ gave him to me."

My heart swelled with relief at her words and I smiled. "OK. I just wanted to be sure."

She sighed, "Can we call do-over on tonight?"

"Oh thank God, I thought I was gonna have to ask that and you were gonna give me shit." I groaned, smiling as she snickered.

"No… I think this just pretty much takes the cake… and I have to say… it was worse than Ed_weird_… and that's saying something."

I frowned. "I still get to kiss you goodnight at least, right?"

"Yeah. I'd like that."

"Could I at least get this night up to an _Equal to Edweird_ with it?"

She made _pfft_ sound and climbed off my lap. "That'd be one hell of a kiss, Jasper Whitlock." She answered over her shoulder as she made her way into the house.

"I'm not above trying!" I called after her, smiling again as she laughed. I waved to Peter as he pulled the truck and trailer around and headed off to the vineyard while Charlotte finally called the police, and then I took off after Sage.

By the time I got to my room, she was already in her Tweety Bird pajama pants and matching tank top and I had to grin as I made out the words _Chicks Rock_ across her chest. She smiled sadly and burrowed deeper under the covers while I went through my nightly routine and changed in the bathroom.

"You OK?" I asked as I climbed in with her and pulled her to me.

She shrugged. "I think I'm gonna be talking to Doctor Cullen for longer than an hour on Monday." She chewed her lower lip. "This is so fucked up." I nodded. "There's just no other way to describe it."

"I know." I murmured. "But can we not? Can we at least end tonight on a positive note?" she nodded and I pulled her mouth to mine, getting lost in the softness of her lips and the sweetness that was inherently Sage.

Sage managed to fall asleep relatively quickly once I removed my mouth from her neck. Peter had killed the mood by yelling at her to stop giggling and then at me for making her giggle and I knew I'd eventually have to pay him back for the interruption.

In a way though, I didn't mind. I couldn't sleep for all the visions of the inside of the barn running through my mind coupled with the conversation with the police officers who'd shown up just after Peter returned from the vineyard. They didn't have any leads and couldn't take our word that it was Alice.

In other words, she was going to keep coming.

By 2AM, things were starting to get bleak and I'd busied myself with watching Sage sleep, watching how the moonlight made her hair glow silver and how if I nuzzled her cheek or kissed her nose, she'd snuggle closer to me and whisper my name in her sleep. Even sleeping, she was a welcome distraction.

But then the stomping of footsteps outside the window startled me and I listened carefully as they paused for a moment before moving on. I was tensed and Sage reacted in her sleep by fisting my shirt and pressing her face into my neck so I attempted to relax, stroking her hair and whispering nonsense to her.

I kept listening, however.

And listening.

And listening.

And after what seemed like an age, I heard a very distinctive scream.

_Horses_.

There weren't horses on the property anymore. Diablo was safe at the vineyard.

_Right?_

_Unless she followed Peter, brought Diablo back here, and…_

_ Jesus, who has that kind of time?_

I carefully and quietly extracted myself from the tangle of Sage and sheets and stood, peering through the darkness for my boots, which I pulled on, ignoring the fact that I was still in a pair of flannel pants and a T-shirt.

Sage mumbled in her sleep and burrowed her face into her pillow as I leaned down and kissed her shoulder.

"It's OK, Sweetheart. I'll be right back." I whispered into her neck.

Sighing, I turned and padded out to the living room, opened the front door and peered out at the barn. I could still hear the horse screams, even though from my position I could also hear Peter's snoring.

The barn door was swinging on its hinges, but I knew that Peter had locked it up before we hitched the trailer… and there was light pouring out of the open doorway.

_Son of a bitch._

_ No. This is the Bitch._

Peter's shotgun was resting on the coffee table, so I grabbed it and checked that it was loaded before stepping out into the cool night air and walking swiftly down the path, cringing as the screams got louder and more panicked.

I stepped inside and raised the gun, but I couldn't see anyone.

"Alice?" I called out. "Alice, get the fuck out here where I can see you!" As I passed Diablo's stall, I caught site of a boom box and stepped inside to turn it off. The screams immediately ceased. "You sick bitch." I whispered just as the door to the barn slammed shut and I heard the locking pin slide into place. I rushed to the door and pounded. "Alice! Alice let me the fuck out! You _bitch_! Let me the fuck out!" I stopped suddenly and froze.

_Smoke._

_ I smell smoke._

I turned slowly. In my haste to turn off the boom box, I'd missed that the blood barrel had been set up again, this time with some unknown substance I could only assume was gasoline because of the odor. It was sloshed over the sides and onto the floor and it. Was. On. Fire. And spreading to the hay bales set outside each stall.

I immediately reeled backward and slammed my shoulder against the door, trying to force it open, but it wouldn't budge. I tried again and again to no avail and the air was quickly turning black with the smoke.

I coughed and sputtered and searched for anything that might help me escape, but I found nothing. The last thing I thought of before blacking out was Sage.

_**Sage POV**_

"It's OK, Sweetheart. I'll be right back."

I smiled as I felt his lips press against my shoulder and snuggled down into the covers, still mostly asleep. Jasper's movements had only vaguely disturbed me, mostly in the sense that his shoulder had been under my head and he'd extricated himself.

A wave of nausea hit me within a few short moments, however and I sat bolt upright in bed and looked around.

"Jas?" I asked quietly.

No answer.

I crawled out of bed and turned on the bathroom light. He wasn't there, and if he had been, the door would've been closed. Sighing, I padded out to the living room. I really wanted to get back to sleep and for some reason, I felt that wouldn't happen until Jasper came back to bed.

"Jasper?" I poked my head into the kitchen.

Nothing.

And then I noticed the front door was open. I stepped over to it and looked out, scanning for any signs of life.

Nothing.

A small flickering caught my eye and I turned my attention to the barn, squinting into the dark. The lights were on, but the door appeared closed… and there was that flickering again, up in the window of the loft… A flickering like…

_Fire._

"PETER!" I screamed. "PETER!" and I took off out the door as soon as I heard a _thud_ and a _"SHIT!"_

I ran as fast as I could toward the barn, knowing Jasper had been gone at least ten minutes and not sure how long the barn had been on fire. Without thinking, I grabbed the locking pin and cried out in pain, rearing back on reflex as it seared my palm with the heat of the flames. I fought back the tears and grabbed it again, this time getting the door open, and then I choked as black smoke billowed out and skyward in a sickening plume.

Peter and Charlotte were both sprinting up the path as I hacked and doubled over. "Jasss-per!" I coughed when Peter reached me.

His eyes went wide and before Charlotte could stop him, he barreled off into the building and I took off after him, grabbing his hand so as not to lose him.

Jasper was just inside the door, passed out.

_Or worse._

_SHUT UP!_

Peter grabbed him roughly and hauled him as upright as possible and I slid under one arm while Peter took the other. Together, we carried him out and as far from the barn as we could. Charlotte was already on the phone with the paramedics, muttering something or other.

As I looked over at Peter, I winced. He was smacking his shoulder roughly and a small tongue of flame died under his palm as we laid Jasper down in the grass.

_He caught fire._

_I hope he's not burned too badly_.

"Jasper! Jas? Jas, please!" I cried, tapping his cheek in a fast rhythm with the tips of my fingers.

"He's not breathing, Sage." Peter hacked.

"Jasper fucking Whitlock, don't you dare!" I growled, forcing his mouth open and covering it with my own. I pinched his nose closed and forced air into his lungs several times while Peter began compressions.

"The paramedics are coming up the drive now!" Charlotte yelled over the sounds of splintering and cracking wood.

And she was right. I'd never been so happy to see those stupid red and white lights or hear that annoying siren. But they were here and they were pulling a stretcher out and they were going to help.

Peter pulled me away so that the EMTs could take our places and I buried my face in his chest and sobbed.

I heard several sharp smacks and winced before gasping in relief as I heard a strangled cough. I whipped around to find Jasper hacking and gasping for air as the paramedics loaded him onto the stretcher.

Pete squeezed my hand and said, "You go with him. We'll follow once we get this sorted out. Don't leave him." I nodded as he pressed a cell phone into my hand and realized it was mine. Charlotte must have fished it out of my bag while she was on the phone.

I climbed up into the back and sat holding Jasper's hand, just as he'd done with me all those months ago, stroking his knuckles and whispering to him.

"Miss?" I turned to the tall, gangly EMT who'd introduced himself as Ben.

_Go figure, two Ben's in one day and it turned out crappy._

"He's having a lot of trouble breathing. We need to intubate him." I nodded. "I need to sedate him for that, we'll need that arm to start a line."

I sighed and kissed Jasper's forehead as I set his hand down and he watched me worriedly from beneath the oxygen mask.

"It's OK. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." I promised as his eyes fluttered shut.

Everything passed in a blur once we arrived at the ER and I vaguely registered that it must have been that way for Jasper as well. I wanted to follow, but couldn't, and instead I was relegated to paperwork.

_Rose. Call Rose._

I pulled out my phone and dialed Rosalie's number.

"_Mmm… Hello? It's four AM, this better be good."_

"Rose?" even though I tried to keep it steady, my voice quaked so badly I barely got her name out.

"_Sage? What's wrong?"_

"It's Jasper… there's been an accident." I sobbed, covering my mouth.

By the time I finished telling Rosalie the necessities and had her assurances that she and Emmett would be headed our way as soon as they were dressed, a doctor was emerging from the ER and searching for me.

"Are you family?" he asked.

"I'm his girlfriend." I answered softly. "Is he OK? Can I see him?"

He shook his head, his glasses flashing in the fluorescents. "He's being prepped for a procedure right now. You can see him after."

"A procedure?"

He nodded. "He's got soot in his windpipe. We need to get it out."

"Is it dangerous?"

"No more than a routine appendectomy." He tried to smile encouragingly, but I simply grimaced. Jasper had had his appendix removed when he was seventeen. Comparing having his windpipe scraped clean to the three small laparoscopic scars…

_Yeah… I'd go with the appendectomy._

"I'll come get you as soon as he's out of recovery."

"OK." I whispered, and then as he turned, "Doctor…" he turned back to me and I caught sight of his nametag. _Ateara_. "Doctor Ateara, please take care of him."

He smiled again. "Of course we will."

I sat back down and finished the paperwork. As I wrote (slowly and as neatly as possible, God

forbid they misread something), I realized suddenly how much of a benefit Jasper's and my friendship was. I knew every answer without hesitation.

Full Name: _Jasper Nathaniel Whitlock_

Date of Birth: _June 23, 1988_

Allergies: _Sulfonomides, Penicillin_

And the list went on and on and on. I knew each one. I knew him perfectly. And I knew, without him telling me, that the paperwork for me had been a pathetic distraction as well, because he'd known all the answers too.

_Wow. This should be profound…_

_I think that breakthrough can wait for Group…_

_Or possibly next year._

The doctor appeared an hour later and led me back to an in-patient room. Jasper was there, asleep in the bed with a breathing tube down his throat and a heart monitor beeping away.

"He'll be out for a while. He came around just as we were about to put him under and he panicked so… he ended up sedated and then anesthetized."

My eyes were fixed on the tube. Rationally, I knew it was fine and safe and he needed it to breathe right then, but it was frightening to see.

"Does it hurt him?" I asked and when I saw the confused look on Doctor Ateara's face, I added, "The tube. Does it hurt him?"

"He can't feel it. When he wakes up, he may panic again, but we don't know… when he does, try to keep him calm and page a nurse. We'll get it out and he'll be just fine." I nodded. "Hit the call button or have me paged if you have any questions." I nodded again.

As soon as he was gone, I shut the door and crawled into bed with Jasper, pressing my ear to the spot above his heart and closing my eyes as the steady _thump thump thump_ brought me some small comfort.

The door opened and closed and when I opened my eyes, Emmett and Rosalie were at the end of the bed.

"Sage, are _you_ OK?" Emmett asked me quietly. I nodded. "OK. Come get some coffee with me. Give Rosalie a minute."

"I promised I wouldn't leave him." I whispered. "I already had to leave him so they could get the soot out of his windpipe. I'm not leaving him again." I turned an apologetic look to Rose. "I'm sorry, Rose. You can have your minute when he wakes up, but he was scared and I promised him." She only nodded and I laid my head back down as they sat down.

_Silence._

_This is probably the longest Emmett's ever gone in the same room with me without yelling._

_Or telling._

_Or ordering._

_Or…_

Jasper's fingers twisted the back of my shirt and I shot upright. "Jas!" I leaned across him and smacked the call button. He was already fighting the tube and choking. "Jas! Jasper, listen to me! Stop! They'll sedate you again, you need to calm down and relax your throat. They're coming to take it out, I promise, but you_ have to relax_." I placed a hand over his heart and he stilled his movements and stared at my face as his breathing evened out.

A moment later, Doctor Ateara entered. "Jasper, I'm going to take the tube out, OK? This is going to be uncomfortable." He removed the tape securing the tube to Jasper's cheek and slowly pulled it out.

Jasper jerked and gagged and coughed. "Water?" he asked.

"Ice chips." the doctor replied just as a nurse entered with a paper cup and handed it to me. "Slowly. You're throat will be raw and probably sore for a few days, that's normal. I'm admitting you for observation, at least for the rest of the day and night."

"I don't need to stay." Jasper rasped and tried to sit up, but I pushed him back down and offered him the ice chips. He sighed, took one, and said a little more clearly, "I don't want to stay."

"Jasper, don't be an ass." Rosalie piped up.

"Jas, let them take care of you." I murmured quietly, trying my best to convey my concern with my eyes.

Another moment of staring at me and he nodded, resigned. "Fine." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sage? That coffee?" Emmett asked quietly.

"I'll be back." I promised him. I resisted the urge to kiss him and instead ran my fingers through his hair before climbing off the bed and following Emmett out and down the hall.

As we filled Styrofoam cups with hot liquid caffeine, I winced and jerked my hand away. I hadn't even remembered until now that I'd burned my hand and as I shook it and tried to get the sting out, Emmett grabbed my wrist and turned my palm up to face him.

"You need to get this looked at."

"It's not bad." I answered quietly.

"Still. I'd feel better."

I pulled my hand back and nodded solemnly. "Once everything's calmed down. It only hurts when I flex my fingers."

He nodded and didn't argue with me further.

When we returned ten minutes later, the police, Peter, and Charlotte had all arrived. Jasper was describing in detail about the noises he'd heard and his decision to go search the barn by himself and what subsequently happened.

I wasted no time in climbing right back onto the bed with him. Even though it was only our shoulders touching, I needed that comfort, that feeling that he was really alive and OK.

"If it wasn't for Sage, we wouldn't have gotten to him in time." Peter murmured quietly.

Emmett gave me a good long stare before asking, "How'd you know, Sage?"

My cheeks burned at that question, but I simply shrugged. "I just… had a feeling."

What else was I going to say?

"_Well, ever since Jasper and I started making out, I've become hyper-aware of his body and when it's _not_ touching mine?_

_Yeah… that would go over like a lead balloon._

The police officer sighed. "You keep bringing up this Alice person… but the other incidents have no leads and there are again no witnesses, so—"

"Oh, I fixed that." Peter piped up, holding up a compact video camera. The officer raised an eyebrow at him. "I stopped and picked a few of these up as I was comin' back from the vineyard." He held it out to the officer and showed him the footage before passing it to me.

I hit _Play_ and watched as this particular camera caught Alice's banana yellow Porsche whipping around the barn and down the drive. From the vantage point, Peter had hidden this camera near the garage.

"There's three more cameras…" he patted his black backpack in Char's lap. "And one of 'em's got her slamming the barn door shut on Jasper."

I felt a malicious surge of happiness.

_We've got you now, Bitch._

When the police finally left, Emmett and Rose excused themselves to go find a motel to stay in, Emmett using _"Get your hand looked at" _as his parting words.

I promised I would, but waited until they were gone before turning to Peter.

"How's your shoulder?"

"No worse than your hand. Wanna come get it debrided with me?"

I winced. "It's gross that you know a procedure used on burns."

He shook his head. "Infantry, Sugar Doll. Infantry." He stood, groaning as he went, and said, "I'll see ya in the Burn Unit in a few." And then he got that evil glint in his eyes that always warns of his fuckery. "Remember, he's having trouble breathing… be gentle." I rolled my eyes as he and Char closed the door behind them.

"Woman, you better kiss me in the next five seconds or I might just—"

I turned and pressed my lips to his, biting down on his lower lip and then caressing it with my tongue as he moaned into my mouth. "Don't you ever fucking do that to me again." I murmured when I finally let him breathe again. "Ever."

"Never." He promised. "Kiss me again." I complied. "All I could think was I wasn't gonna be able to kiss you again."

"That's funny. I was thinking along those lines too. Don't you _ever_ do that to me again. I'd smack you, but you're injured, so it'll have to wait." I glared at him. "I can't believe you wouldn't at least wake me up!"

"I thought I could take her!" he cried out, coughing at the strain it put on his throat. "I didn't realize she was gonna try and set me on fire!" he pouted then. "Kiss me again." It was another order, but his voice was soft and pleading.

"I don't think I will. I'm angry at your stupidity."

"I'm injured." He reminded me. "Kiss me again." I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Sage, I just had to wait _two hours_ to kiss you because your _brother_ was here." There was a dangerous undertone to his voice with those words. "Kiss me again."

"That's blackmail." I retorted.

"I know. And it's going to work. And I'll tell you why: You _like_ kissing me." He grinned smugly.

"No I don't. It's gross. Ick." I deadpanned before leaning in and kissing him again.

_**End Note: Send me a review, I'll send you a teaser **___


	34. I Touch Myself

_**A/N: Stephanie Meyer still owns it all… lucky bitch.**_

_**This story is rated M for a reason. There are adult themes, situations, and lemons. If you don't like it, if it offends you, or if you are under 18, don't read.**_

_**I love RemyKilday. She kicks so much butt.**_

_**I worship HammerHips. She's my Schwoogie-Muffin and I sing The Bunny Song about her.**_

_*****Warning: mini- Lemon ahead.**_

Chapter 33: I Touch Myself

_I love myself  
I want you to love me  
When I'm feelin' down  
I want you above me  
I search myself  
I want you to find me  
I forget myself  
I want you to remind me _

_I don't want anybody else  
When I think about you  
I touch myself  
I don't want anybody else  
_-"I Touch Myself" by The Dinvynls

_**Sage POV**_

Peter and Charlotte were no longer staying at the ranch. His parents had insisted that they should live out at the vineyard until this whole thing with Alice was settled. As relieved as I was that they would be further out of danger, I worried how in the hell the police were supposed to catch Alice if her target area was abandoned.

Surely she wouldn't continue to destroy the ranch if there was no one there to witness it?

Emmett had insisted that I go home with him and Rose on Sunday evening and appealed to Jasper's better judgment to help me "see sense". Apparently it just wasn't right for me to be sleeping in a hospital chair and then be expected to get up and function properly. How was I supposed to get myself to therapy on time if that was the case?

Jasper had sent me home with them and I grudgingly went. It wasn't like I could tell Emmett that I wouldn't be sleeping well anyway without Jasper in bed with me.

_Well I could…_

_ Yeah, I don't think so._

With Monday morning came a whole new idea of _interesting_.

Rosalie had called in to work and decided to go up to the hospital to spend the day with Jasper. As much as I wanted to go with her, I knew Emmett would kill me if I skipped therapy, and with another O and E around the corner, I couldn't afford it.

But Rose caught me in the kitchen before she left for Napa and we had the most honest discussion we'd ever had. And it was disturbing.

_Very._

"Is there something going on with you and Jasper?"

I paused and stared at my coffee for a moment before responding with, "Why would you even ask that?"

Her perfectly shaped eyebrow jerked up and she stared at me as though to say _"Oh please, it's so obvious"_, but what came out of her mouth was, "Emmett thinks there is. It bugs him that you've been camped out in Jasper's room so much… and that you came home last night and decided to sleep in his bed."

"It's always bugged him, Rose. Why are you telling me this?" I asked her quietly.

She sighed. "Emmett's… snooping. As much as he can while still respecting as much of your boundaries as he feels he can… which is to say he's been checking your room at night." I felt the heat rise in my face, but it was from sheer rage at the notion of Emmett sneaking around my room while I wasn't there. "Sage, he's going to start throwing a fit soon… maybe you should sleep in your own bed for a while." I didn't say anything. "Were you in Jasper's bed the night of the fire?"

"That's my business."

"So that's a yes?"

"No."

"Is it a no?"

"No."

"Sage," she sighed, leaning against the bar. "I'm trying to help." I quirked an eyebrow at her. "I am!"

"You'll forgive me, Rose, but I remember the last time you said you'd _help_ me. Emmett locked me in my room for three days and Uncle Charlie followed that up by locking us in a cell in the Police Station for a weekend." Her cheeks pinked at the memory of my teenage rebellion.

"I am sorry for that."

"You'll forgive me if I don't believe you." I refilled my mug and headed downstairs. "Please give Jasper a hug for me and tell him I'll see him tomorrow."

I was on my own the day Jasper came home from the hospital. They'd decided to keep him until Tuesday after he'd had a hacking fit that had put him back on the heart monitor and gave him another brief intubation, so of course he was climbing the walls by the time I showed up after Group to spring him.

He was dressed and waiting for me, bouncing on the balls of his feet, running his fingers through his hair anxiously as I leaned in the doorway and waited for him to notice me. After a couple minutes of watching him fidget, I finally sighed and said, "You gonna notice me or is that wall really that much more interesting?"

He whipped around with the biggest smile I'd ever seen him wear and crossed the room in two strides to pull me into a fierce kiss. "I missed you." He murmured. "I was worried you weren't coming."

I laughed as his lips found my jaw and began working their way down my neck. "Jazz, I called you two hours ago and told you I was on my way." I cupped his neck, holding his mouth to my skin. "I had to sign paperwork and get instructions from the doctor."

"Well, get me outta here. The food's crappy, the sheets are itchy, and they're distinctly low on _Sage_." I had to laugh at his plea.

"Let's go." I sighed as he wrapped his arm around me.

"Yes, _please_. Take me home." He picked up his overnight bag of clothes that Rose had brought for him and led me out and around to the desk to sign his discharge papers. "Rose said she and Emmett are going up to Forks this weekend." The statement was simple, it was so nonchalant.

"Really? Emmett didn't say anything."

_Probably because I haven't actually _seen_ Emmett since Sunday evening._

"Yeah… something about a football training camp run by alumni?"

I rolled my eyes. "Emmett's friend, Brady, is the football coach at Forks High." I shuddered at the thought. Brady was an ass, and a creepy, leering one at that. "He asks a few of his old football buddies to come up at the end of every summer and help him lead a workshop for the new team. The first year Brady did it, half the team was suspended before school even started. They get up to some pretty interesting stuff."

"By interesting, you mean illegal?" he smirked.

"Yup." I answered, watching as he initialed and signed in the appropriate places before leading me out to where I had the truck waiting.

He sighed and climbed behind the wheel as I slid myself into the center and buckled in. "I was thinking since they're going north, maybe we could head south… Not all the way to Lompoc, but maybe Santa Cruz?"

"I can't." I looked down at my feet. "I have O and E this weekend."

_This is just sad._

_What kind of a guy wants a girlfriend who's locked in a Looney Bin one weekend of every month?_

I was jerked out of my thoughts by Jasper's lips pressed against my temple. "So we'll go another time." He whispered before starting the engine. "They're out of town again next weekend. Remember? That conference or whatever in Monterey."

_Ooh._

_Nice._

"We could just stay home, you know. We don't have to go anywhere." I grinned. "Whenever we get the house to ourselves, it always fun."

He grinned. "That sounds like a plan." And then he groaned. "Did anyone call the Triple K and tell them what happened?"

"I did." I smiled at his anxiety. "Mister Danvers said to rest up and get better, so you're off through Friday." He kissed my temple again at that. "And Garrett told me to tell you that you suck for nearly burning to death before coming around for dinner, because Kate was going to have his ass."

He barked a laugh and coughed roughly for a minute, but after that we mostly passed the drive in silence.

Emmett had left a note on the counter for us saying that he and Rose would be late because of the massive rebuild project the garage was doing, and that we were on our own for dinner.

I began poking around in the freezer in an attempt to find something to thaw, but Jasper was having none of it. He stood behind me, his hands on my hips and his lips attached to the spot on my neck he knew drove me crazy while I attempted to suss out dinner.

"Jazz!" I cried, swatting his cheek. "Stop. You're gonna leave a mark."

"I wanna leave a mark." He murmured into my shoulder.

"Well ignore that compulsion." I commanded before leaning into the freezer and yanking out a pound of ground beef. I turned to the sink and turned the hot water on before plugging it up and setting the package of meat in it. "Meatloaf OK?"

He groaned, but I knew it was more for my ignoring his affections than my thoughts for dinner. He loved meatloaf.

_Correction: He loved MY meatloaf._

_Rose's meatloaf is like a leaden brick._

"Come downstairs with me. Lay with me." He pleaded, tugging on his favorite section of my belt. "It's been too hard to sleep without you."

I sighed, my conversation with Rose running through my head again. "You may have to get used to it." He froze and I shut off the water and turned to face him, hopping up on the counter so that he could step between my legs and kiss me. "Rose says Em's snooping around."

He nodded blithely. "I knew that."

"She says he's going to start pitching a fit soon." He grimaced. "I can't afford to keep fighting with him. Not now. And I can't afford for him to be snooping while I'm in your bed."

"Because of the pills?" he whispered.

"No." I answered honestly. "Because as much as I'd love to believe otherwise, he's no idiot. He knows there's more to us, but right now he believes we're sailing down denial… and I need him to keep believing that. Me sleeping in your bed? That's not going to keep him believing it."

He opened his mouth to argue, thought better of it, and closed his mouth again, thinking. Finally, his eyes narrowed. "I don't think I can sleep without you."

"I know the feeling." I kissed his forehead. "But we're going to have to… at least for a while… let him calm down and get it out of his system."

Jasper groaned. "I really hate your brother."

I laughed. "I know… but I don't have enough money saved to get out from under him completely. And I still need a car."

"Sage, we'll find you a car. Hell, you can take the truck for all I care."

I shook my head. "Jazz, can we just… not? Not right now, not when you're just home, not when we're on borrowed time?"

He sighed, studying me for several long seconds. "We're always on borrowed time. And I hate it."

I nodded. "But we better make the most of it… because it _is_ borrowed." I hadn't even finished the statement before he was lifting me off the counter and carrying me downstairs while I giggled and tried to squirm out of his grasp. "I can walk, you know."

"Yeah, I heard that one before about swimming, but here's some news for you: I don't care." He stuck his tongue out to punctuate the sentence. "I like having you as close as possible."

"You always have."

He nodded as he kicked his door open and flopped us down on the bed. "Damn those six years apart." He muttered. "What'd we lose, do you think? Being separated for so long."

"I think we gained a lot." I answered back. "We talked, we got to know each other… we know each other so well that sometimes I swear I know what you're thinking." He smiled. "And I know you feel that too…"

"I do." He sighed. "But maybe things would've been different with Emmett if we hadn't been separated."

"Jazz, we can't be singing woulda-shoulda-coulda's. We're here now, that needs to count."

"It does count." He replied quickly and I could tell he was only trying to reassure me. "I just… I was scared, OK? When I couldn't get out of the barn and I started to lose consciousness, I was scared… and it just kept running through my mind that I hadn't had enough time with you yet."

"I was scared of what I'd find when I finally got that door open." I whispered as he pulled my hand up to examine the still angry burn mark on my palm. He grimaced and played with my fingers a bit before kissing them and then my palm.

"You been playing at all? Stretching the skin? Because you know it's gonna be uncomfortable until you get it loosened up."

"Not yet. I figured I'd let it heal a bit more." I answered as he pressed his lips to my palm again

Without another word from either of us, he pulled me to him and pressed a kiss to my mouth, running his tongue along my lower lip and smiling as I opened to him. It was slow and gentle and sweet. At first.

It suddenly seemed like slow and gentle and sweet wasn't enough for either of us as I fisted his shirt and pulled him closer while he rolled and took me with him so that I straddled his hips and hovered over him, joined at the mouth, moaning and groaning. His hands found my hips and pulled me down against him and I had to smile at the affect I had on him. I liked that I could do this to him.

Jasper was _not_ an asexual being in any sense of the word.

Jasper would wait and go at my pace, but he was going to make damn sure I knew what I did to him.

He groaned even louder as I rocked against him, enjoying the delicious friction it created, loving the fact that he tensed and bucked beneath me.

_This took a lot longer the last time I was in this position…_

_Months…_

_This is Jasper…_

_I want this to be Jasper._

And I did. More than anything.

And those thoughts were probably what prompted my next move, which was to sit up, whip my tank top up over my head, and lean down to kiss him again with only my bra covering my torso.

The shock on his face was priceless, but he didn't complain as his rough, calloused fingers slipped from my hips to glide over my stomach and up until he was cupping my breasts and squeezing lightly, moaning all the while.

"God, Sage…" he moaned, sliding the straps down off my shoulders and slipping his thumbs down under the lace to stroke my nipples.

_Brother_ by Archive began blasting from my back pocket and I grunted in frustration and made to sit up, but Jasper's hands were back on my hips, pulling me back to him.

"Roll. Let it roll."

_I've been here before… those words have been said…_

"It's Emmett. I can't."

"I know it's Emmett." He ground out, capturing my mouth again. "That's why I said to let it roll."

He wasn't going to let me up the old fashioned way, that I knew, so instead, I flattened myself against him and slid down and off him and the end of the bed.

"Sage!" he whined, sitting up to watch me as I pulled my phone out and answered.

"Hey, Em."

"_Hey, we'll be home for dinner after all. The holster chain broke on Larry's side of the engine and Doc decided to shut down for the day."_

"Oh God, is Larry OK?"

"_We're not sure yet. It pinned him down… took us a few minutes to get it off of him, but we're waiting to hear from his wife. Anyhow, I was thinking we'd just order pizza."_

"I took ground beef out for meatloaf."

"_Better… You are the one who'll be cooking, right?"_ he asked anxiously and I could tell he didn't want to offend Rose's womanhood by stating she couldn't cook a meatloaf, but at the same time, he valued his digestive tract.

"Yes, Em. Who else was going to do it? I was planning for you and Rose to not be here."

"_OK. Just checking. We're almost home now, I just wanted to let you know and ask if you needed us to pick up anything at the store."_

I thought a moment. "Maybe some stuff for a salad?"

"_Sure thing."_ The line went dead and I tossed the phone on the bed.

"Well… there goes the borrowed time." I sighed, standing. "They're almost here… they're stopping at the store."

Jasper rolled his eyes and pulled me back to him, kissing the tops of my breasts before pulling me down to meet his lips. "Do I get Part Two tomorrow?" he snarked, smirking as I smacked the back of his head.

"Just for that, no, you don't." I grabbed my shirt and pulled it back on.

He smiled that lazy smile he knew would make me cave and grabbed my belt, pulling me back to him. "You don't mean that." He murmured, pressing his face into my stomach.

"Says who?" I asked, though my voice sounded weak and flat as his lips pressed against my collarbone. I let my head roll back to give him better access, unconsciously slapping myself for making it so easy for him.

"Says me… I think you were enjoying yourself." He laughed throatily.

"I was." And then I snapped out of it. "But if you're gonna be a dick, you don't get Round Two." I stuck my tongue out at him and headed upstairs to begin fixing dinner.

_**Jasper POV**_

I spent the evening upstairs with Emmett and Rose as they watched TV and discussed Larry and the accident. Part of my rationale was that Emmett needed to see some distance between Sage and I. The other part was that Sage had been pandering on her work for the photography class and that while she'd managed an _A_ from the pictures she'd taken of me, she still needed to do her work.

By the time I excused myself from their company, it was already ten. Emmett followed me down and poked his head into Sage's room. I caught a brief glimpse of Sage, curled up in her bed with her pillow clutched to her chest. I smiled, wondering if she was wishing it were me.

As soon as he was gone and his footsteps died away up to his room, the bathroom door whipped open and Sage leaned against the frame.

_Strangely titillating that she doesn't care if I'm dressed or not…_

"Goodnight kiss?" she asked.

"Oh… I see, you're just here to get your goodnight kiss and then you're going back to your own bed." I crooned.

"He'll be back. You know it." She replied easily. "You going to punish me because my brother's a control freak?"

_Aw fuck, not the big doe eyes and pouty lip…_

"Get over here." I commanded, sitting down on my bed and opening my arms for her. She fell into my embrace quickly, pulling my mouth to hers before I'd even managed to wrap my arms around her. "You should be here with me." I whispered against her lips.

"I want to be." She whispered back. She pulled slowly out of my arms and stood, planting one more kiss on my lips before she returned to her own bed.

All I could do was groan, palm my erection through my jeans, and flop back on my bed.

Hours later, I heard Sage's door open again and then close quietly and listened for Emmett's footsteps up the stairs.

_She was right…_

_ He came back…_

And I laid awake after that, wanting very much to barge right into Sage's room and carry her back here to be with me, but I knew she'd never stand for it and I'd never manhandle her into it. Another part of me wanted to go crawl into bed with her, but I knew that would tempt fate.

And then I heard it… soft and low, but persistent. A moan.

I sat bolt upright and listened hard, hearing another one, louder than before.

_Sage._

Was she having a nightmare?

She hadn't had any to speak of since she'd gone back to therapy after the incident with her yelling out for me.

And another…

_Jesus! I hope she's not having a nightmare, it sounds too good…_

_ And JW agrees._

_ Fuck._

Deciding I needed to check that she wasn't having a nightmare, I padded through the bathroom and quietly opened the door.

"Sage?" I called quietly.

There was a squeak of surprise, a click, and she breathed, "Jas? What are you doing here?"

I felt the blush rise in my face and neck as I leaned against the frame, letting my head hit the wood with a dull _clunk_ as I realized _why_ Sage had been moaning.

When I found my voice, it was husky and I had to clear my throat. "I heard you moaning. I was worried you were having a nightmare."

"I wasn't." she murmured quietly.

"Yeah… I know." And then I sighed, overcome with embarrassment, and inched backward. "Night."

"Jas, wait!" she hissed, but I immediately closed the door to my room and hit the light switch.

That didn't stop her though, a moment later the door opened and closed again and I knew she was squinting into the darkness for me.

"Jazz," she breathed when she finally found me in the corner. "Come here."

I took a deep breath and immediately regretted it. I could smell her arousal, it was quickly permeating my room, making my cock twitch and my blood boil. Still, I did as she asked and met her at the end of my bed, where she pulled me down into a searing kiss and pushed me backward onto the bed before climbing up next to me.

I groaned as I felt soft flesh beneath my fingers and realized she was only in her underwear and a shelf bra.

_And she's pressing into me… Oh fuck me._

_ Please!_

My breath hitched as she took my right hand and moved it from her hip and placed it on her stomach, pressing my palm into the soft flesh there.

"Jazz, touch me." She whispered hoarsely.

_Oh shit._

_ I think my brain just died._

_ Can't have. Still thinking._

_ She wants me to…_

And then another wave of embarrassment struck me. I'd never done this. I'd never touched anyone before.

Maria had offered, but I'd declined… too ashamed of my scars.

Previous girlfriends had all been as young and naïve as I was and I'd played off that.

But Sage wanted me to…

_Oh Jesus, I'm gonna die if she laughs._

"Show me how?" I asked quietly, steeling myself for her to laugh.

Instead though, her answer was silent. A brief kiss as her hand rested over mine, her fingers splayed in alignment with mine, as she slid our hands down and under the band of her boy shorts.

I inhaled sharply as the smooth skin continued, smiling as she guided my hand, bringing our index and middle fingers together before sliding them over her slick slit.

My eyes slid shut and I inhaled deeply. "So wet." I whispered. "Warm."

Sage shifted slightly, lying on her side to face me and throwing a leg over my hip to give us better access. I made sure to follow her lead, allowing the pressure of her fingers to guide my movements as she stretched her thumb to cover mine and bring it around to circle the tight bundle of nerves at her center. She reacted immediately, pressing her core into my palm and moaning as she curled our index and middle fingers and slid them inside of her wet warmth.

With her free hand, I watched her slide her bra straps off her shoulders and yank the offending fabric further down her ribs.

_Sweet Jesus…_

I wasted no time wrapping my other arm around her and cinching her to me so that I could trail kisses from her sweet lips down the column of her neck, across her collarbones, and down to the nipple of her left breast. I had too few hands. There was too much and not enough all at once and lights were popping behind my closed eyelids.

Almost immediately, she removed her hand entirely, allowing me to explore with my own movements. I continued working her with my thumb, smiling as she whimpered and pulled me into another kiss, pressing down on my palm.

Before I could even think though, that same hand slid over my hip and dipped beneath the waistband of my basketball shorts, wrapping around my length.

I managed to get out a strangled _"Fuck…"_ as she began to stroke me slowly, her movements unsure but so fucking perfect.

I picked up the pace, pumping my fingers harder and faster, mindful of that sensitive bundle that seemed to be the key to it all and I felt her walls begin to tighten around me. Her lips found mine again and she moaned into my mouth before pulling away and gasping for breath.

"Jas, I-ah! Ah!" she cried out as she clenched around my fingers and I felt her release coat my hand. I let her ride out the high, simultaneously stunned by the pure beauty of the moment, and proud of myself for giving it to her. Through it all, though, her hand never ceased its steady rhythm on my cock and the familiar build was becoming almost unbearable.

And again, I wasn't thinking. I was so caught up in her that I couldn't think of anything but Sage and what she felt like, how she must taste… and I brought my fingers to my mouth and licked her juices, savoring the sweetness that only she could provide.

That single, simple, sensual act snapped something inside of me and before I could warn her with more than a moan, my hips bucked against her and I came all over her stomach. She continued stroking me as I gasped and came back down from my orgasm, kissing me tenderly and waiting for my breathing to even out.

In the stillness that followed, we simply stared at each other and I knew that her goofy grin was mirrored in my own face. After several long minutes, I kissed her deeply and climbed out of bed and walked into the bathroom. I washed off my hand and then grabbed a washcloth and wet it before returning to clean her stomach and hand as she smiled at me.

When I was done, I tossed the rag into the hamper and climbed back into bed, folding her into my arms and kissing her with all the passion I could muster.

"That was…" I whispered when I finally let her breathe.

"Yeah…" she agreed, kissing my chin.

"I'm sorry I—"

She stopped me with another kiss. "Don't." she warned me. "That was amazing." I couldn't help but beam at that and she kissed me for several more minutes before sighing resignedly. "I should get back… there's no telling if he's planning another bed check."

I didn't want her to go and I knew from the way she was settled in my arms that she didn't either. I nodded however, and gave her a chaste kiss.

_Must play the understanding boyfriend._

_ I do understand._

_ I just don't like it. They don't go hand in hand, don'cha know._

She crawled out of my bed and I watched her shadowy form disappear through the bathroom and heard the door close.

I sighed, smiled, and settled in for sleep.

_**End Note: I like reviews and I send teasers when I get them.**_


	35. SemiCharmed Life

_**A/N: I'm just visiting the Twilight world, I don't own it.**_

_**This story is rated M. It contains adult themes, situations, and lemons. No one under 18, please.**_

_**Thanks always to RemyKilday for pre-reading.**_

_**Thanks always to HammerHips for being my Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

_*****Just an FYI, this is the last daily post. From now on, chapters will be posted every two days. Sorry for those who were enjoying the daily updates, but I'll run out of chapters before I finish if I keep posting daily!**_

Chapter 34: Semi-Charmed Life

_She said she was crashing,  
The velvet it rips,  
In the city we tripped,  
On the urge to feel alive,  
But now I'm struggling to survive,  
The days you were wearing,  
That velvet dress,  
You're the priestess,  
must confess,  
Those little red panties,  
They pass the test_

-"Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind

_**Jasper POV**_

By the time I got up and stumbled into the bathroom the next morning, Sage was already showered and dressed and was brushing her teeth. She grinned at me and crossed her eyes in the mirror, making me laugh as I loaded up my own toothbrush and turned the faucet on.

I kept stealing glances at her in the mirror, praying she wouldn't notice, but unfortunately, she was doing the same and each time, we both turned red and smiled before looking away.

_One word from her and swear I'll be hard again._

I couldn't help that notion either. I looked at her, and there was a whole new Sage to be explored; a whole new way to get to know her, and I hoped (however futilely) that she was thinking the same of me and not regretting our less-than-innocent midnight rendezvous.

When she finally spit and rinsed her mouth, she turned and leaned against the counter and waited for me to finish. I found out why she waited as soon as the words left her mouth. She didn't want me to choke on my toothbrush.

And I was wrong. It didn't take one word; it took six.

"I had a dream about you."

It was simple and matter-of-fact, spoken as though she were discussing the weather, but her eyes were glinting with mischief. Those six simple words made my dick spring to life in a matter of seconds and it took every ounce of control I had not to grab her and ravish her.

"Really?" I asked incredulously, smiling as she nodded. "And what was I doing in the dream?" I reached out to grab her belt and pull her to me, but she danced out of my reach and shook her head. "You're not going to tell me?" I asked, suddenly put-out.

"No. I just wanted you to know I had a dream about you." She poked her tongue out between her teeth and headed back into her room to grab her backpack and camera.

I sighed in defeat and leaned against the doorframe. "What time will you be back?"

"No idea. I guess it depends on whether or not I need to hit my professor's office hours. New project gets assigned today." She was ignoring me, her back was to me, and I was suddenly uncomfortable with that.

I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to me and placing a kiss on her shoulder. "You OK?"

"Yes." She laughed.

"_We_ OK?"

Her eyes slid shut and her head rolled back to rest on my shoulder before turning so she could give me a slow, sweet kiss. "Yes." She replied.

"Then why won't you look at me?" I touched my nose to hers and her eyes popped open. "You're not having second thoughts—"

"Jasper, don't even think it." She sighed. "If anything, I'm just a little disappointed." The blood rushed to my cheeks again and she smacked my cheek lightly. "Not _that_!" she chastised. "That I have to go to class and therapy… that I can't stay here with you."

"Oh." I sighed in relief and I was suddenly struck with the urge to make her miss me just a little more than she anticipated. Grinning, I slid her backpack off her shoulder, took her camera and tossed it on the bed, and dragged her backward through the bathroom and into my room.

"Jazz, what—"

"Shut up and come here. Your brother's less likely to come barging into my room." I muttered, slamming the bathroom door shut behind us and then flipping the lock on the main door. I grabbed her roughly by the hips and hoisted her onto my dresser, smiling as the height of it aligned our pelvises just right.

"Jas, I have to get to—" I kissed her hard, pulling her until she was perched just on the edge and slipped my hand under the denim cut-off skirt I'd always taken for granted until now, moaning as I realized she was only wearing a thong under it.

I had no idea where this newfound confidence was coming from, and at the moment, I couldn't bring myself to care. She was here and kissing me, she'd enjoyed my hands on her and I'd gotten off just as much from touching her as from her touching me. She tensed only briefly as I pushed the thin swath of cloth aside and ran a finger over her soaking folds.

"That for me?" I asked between kisses.

"Mmmm…" was the only answer I got as her fingers threaded in my hair and pulled lightly.

Without further ado, I pushed two fingers inside of her and smiled as her breathing picked up and she clutched at me, wrapping her legs around my hips as though it would bring me deeper. My thumb found her clit and began circling and I felt the tension immediately build within her.

"Come on." I murmured against her lips. "Let it go. I want you to come, Sage. Please…" I didn't have to ask again, her orgasm ripped through her in a violent shudder as I swallowed her cries and moans. "I love doing that to you." I whispered when she'd come down from her high.

She smiled lazily. "I'm a fan myself." I lifted her gently, but didn't pull her off the dresser. Instead, I grabbed her thong, soaked with her juices and pulled it down her legs. "Jazz, what are you doing?" she asked slowly.

"You can't very well leave the house with soaking underwear." I teased, nipping her lips.

"You're stealing them, aren't you?" she deadpanned, but her eyebrow quirked up and I could tell she found my new confidence amusing.

I nodded. "The faster you get home, the faster you get this," I held up the wet fabric, "Back."

"Thief." She whispered, pulling me in for another kiss. I was about to slip my hand under her skirt again, but she giggled and pushed it away. "Stop or I'll end up staying here and I'll have to pay for it this weekend."

That deflated me. O and E. She had O and E and I would have to survive three whole days without her touching me. Without being able to touch her. I wasn't sure I could survive that long, knowing now what I'd be missing.

"Stop, Jasper." She murmured, pressing her lips to my collarbone. "If you get to missing me now, it'll just be that much worse come Friday evening." I took a deep breath and gave her what I hoped was an encouraging smile. "Better." She smiled. "It's a bullshit smile, but it's better than the frown." She kissed me quickly and hopped down off the dresser, sighing. "I can't wear this now, either." She said, indicating her skirt and I smirked at the sight of the wet spot permeating the denim. "Evil man." She muttered, heading back to her room.

I couldn't help it. I admired my handiwork displayed on her ass as she went.

_And I think I should do that more often. Just because._

I played the good _friend_ and saw her off to school with a simple raise of my coffee mug and a wish for a good day as Emmett dawdled around the house waiting for his doctor's appointment.

At one point, he stopped pacing and asked, "Do you know if she's made her appointments yet?" I quirked an eyebrow at him. I knew what he was talking about, but it surprised me that he knew I knew. "For her cancer screenings… the tests…" he was pressing as though worried she wouldn't get it done.

I cleared my throat. "I don't know, she hasn't mentioned them." He grimaced and scrubbed a hand over his face. "She'll get it done, Emmett, she's not an idiot. She knows what her chances are and I don't think she's a gambler." I regretted my words instantly as he narrowed his eyes and my mind flashed back to the fight at Thanksgiving.

"You'd know, wouldn't you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Fuck, Emmett, do we always have to fight?" he didn't answer me. "We both want what's best for Sage, does it fucking matter so much that I give her the means to be free every now and again?" the glare deepened. I shook my head and sighed. "Whatever. I don't fucking care anymore. You've got no idea who your sister is and I don't think you ever intend to find out, but that girl?" I pointed at the door Sage had just left through. "She loves her big brother and all she wants is a little acceptance from you."

"She has it."

"No she doesn't." I snorted a laugh. "You think because you had one good session with Doctor Cullen, everything's hunky-dory? You've gotta be shittin' me!" he gave me a scowl to match the glare. "Your sister has issues with you that date back years… shit she won't even admit to me, but I can read her and I know they bug her."

"Yeah. Sage is just an open book to you, isn't she Jasper. That's why she told you about her depression a few _months_ ago."

"Almost a year." I corrected him, toasting him with my mug. "I never said it was perfect. Not me, not her, not us as friends. But I know her a fair shade better than you. The difference between you and I is that I actually care about who she is, what she thinks, how she feels…"

_Right now I want to make her feel good…_

_ Stop. Not now. Now is very much _NOT_ the time._

"_I_ care." He growled.

I took a sip of my coffee and nodded. "Right."

_And just to test the waters…_

"You know, you're always alluding to something going on between me and her… something more than us just bein' friends. Give me a straight answer, Emmett, what would you do if we _were _more than just friends?"

He stared at me for a good long while, trying to get a read on whether or not I'd just let something slip, but I kept my expression blank and he shook the thought from his head. "I'd kill you. Plain and simple." He admitted finally.

"And why's that? You know I'd take care of her."

"Because you're the only one who knows how to hurt her." He answered quietly. With that, he grabbed his keys and headed for the door, leaving me alone to stare into space, completely dumbfounded.

_Did I really have that much power?_

_ He's suggesting that Sage has had feelings for me for a while…_

_ God, should I ask her?_

_ Do I want to hear the answer?_

_ She said she'd wished it was me… that time with Michael…_

_ Can't be. It's just Emmett fucking with me._

If I was being honest with myself, Sage had left Galveston all those years ago with more than just my friendship and a stolen hoodie. She'd left with a piece of my heart… and every letter I'd sent her had been attached to yet another piece, until one day I realized she had it. The entire thing.

This wasn't some new revelation, I'd known deep down that Sage was _It_ for me, regardless of being able or willing to admit it to myself or anyone else. I'd tried to date girls in high school, but none of them compared to that beautiful girl I couldn't wait to see as a woman; the girl who'd asked my opinion on guitars before buying a new one, the girl who'd worn a cheap little aluminum cuff on her wrist—even though the skin it covered turned green—simply because it had my name on it and she'd claimed me as _hers_; the girl who'd kept my secrets safe and played my music and trusted me with the darkest places her mind could go… the _woman_ who took my breath away when she kissed me and stopped my heart at the slightest touch. Of course Sage was _It_ for me. There'd never been another option.

But now I had cause to wonder if it wasn't just me who'd been a muddled mess over this for years… maybe it was her too? Could I dare to even hope for a fraction of that? Could I live with it if she didn't feel the same?

_Probably not._

_ I had a hard enough time with her dating Michael…_

_ Add rejection to watching her date another man…_

_ No. Can't take it._

The thought alone made me sick to my stomach and I grimaced and dumped my coffee down the sink.

_But I have to know…_

I glanced at the clock. 10AM. Sage was just walking into therapy. I groaned. Therapy was an hour. Her class didn't start until noon… and she wouldn't leave campus until at _least_ three… and that was if the professor ended on time and she didn't need to ask any questions after… and then another half-hour drive back from campus.

How was I supposed to last all day wondering?

_Easy. I've lasted seven years. _

_ It's not the same now… when she comes home, she'll kiss me and I'll ask her because I need to know._

_ If things weren't what they are, I could deal with it…_

The waiting game was going to kill me. Of that, I was almost positive.

_**Sage POV**_

My session with Doctor Cullen passed in a _blink and you'll miss it_ sort of way. I wasn't even sure of half of what we talked about other than how Jasper was healing and that we had heard nothing of Alice since.

Doctor Cullen seemed to be concerned for my emotional well-being and the fact that things were less than stable… an unsuitable environ for a depressive such as myself. I assured him that I had his pager number and I would come in if I needed to.

When he double-checked that I would be coming in for O and E, I glumly replied that I would. Unfortunately for me, he wondered aloud if maybe I'd like to have Jasper come to the Saturday Group Therapy session. I didn't.

As much of myself as I was sharing with Jasper now, _this_… my recovery… my therapy… I wasn't ready to share this. I wasn't ready for him to see this. Therapy was uncomfortable at best and downright messy at worst… and I knew my chances of it getting messy grew exponentially by having Jasper present to witness a breakdown.

And of course, because he's a Therapist, or because I'm that transparent, or maybe because he's just bitchin' like that, Doctor Carlisle Cullen told me that I would eventually need to face my demons and I had to be prepared for the fact that Jasper might have to watch me do it.

_But Jasper _is_ watching me do it._

_ No he isn't, he's cheering me on, but I'm not letting him see too much._

By the time I made it to campus, I was a mental wreck and all I wanted to do was go home and crawl in bed with Jasper. I didn't care if he touched me, I didn't care if he even hugged me, I just wanted to be near him. Seeing him, knowing he was near… I needed that.

_And because this day couldn't get _any_ worse…_

"Hey there, Sam." A gravelly voice murmured in my ear. I jumped and spun, coming nose to chest with a tall man with sandy brown hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"Hey, James." I muttered when I realized it was him.

_This_ was another thing I had to deal with eventually. James.

I didn't know if Jasper suspected where I got the Oxycodone, but I was sure that he'd find out sooner or later… and tan my hide.

James wasn't _just_ the friendly neighborhood dealer. Jasper and I had met James months ago, at the club, with Peter and Charlotte. James was the reason I'd been so delayed in getting to the bathroom, the reason I'd had to try to pee to the symphony of Schwoogie-Muffin and Red Hot Mama.

And the day I'd followed him in between the Political Science and Math buildings and handed him $200 for a bottle of pills, he'd recognized me. Hell, he baited me and even offered me the pills for free if I'd suck him off.

_Ew…_

_ Who knows what the hell he's got…_

_ Could wind up with Monogonoherpasyphillaids._

_ Can't have that…_

He'd also wanted to know if Jasper knew I was buying the pills.

And he thought it was fucking hilarious when the look on my face told him everything he needed to know.

At least I didn't use my real name with him.

_Good thing my initials spell a name…_

"You ready for another round?" he asked and I resisted the urge to smack him as his fingers walked themselves up my spine.

"No, James. I told you, I'm straight. I don't need the pills."

"Aw, don't be like that." He crooned. "I know you like to numb out… maybe that's how you deal… but if you don't want them, that's fine. I can get you something different."

"I don't need a new drug, James. And I'm late for class." I started to walk away only to feel like my right arm was about to be ripped from its socket as he grabbed me and swung me around, shoving me against a concrete support. "Let go, James." I warned him carefully.

"Or what?" he taunted, getting down in my face. "Or what? You'll get your _boyfriend_ on me? I'll let him watch, don't worry." His lip curled at whatever he was seeing in my face and he bent his head and licked along my neck. "You taste like cherries… guess that means you've still got your cherry. God, I'm gonna love popping that sweet—"

A sudden movement behind him caught my attention and my eyes widened as a firm hand gripped James shoulder and yanked him away from me.

"She said _let go_. Now I'm telling you to back off." I smiled as my eyes met the startling blue orbs and he gave me a private wink. "Get out of here, James. I've already called the police." Michael held up his cell phone to emphasize the point.

James sneered at me and hissed out, "I'm not finished with you, Cunt." Before he disappeared into the parking garage.

"Please tell me you didn't park in the garage." Michael sighed, offering me his arm, which I accepted gratefully.

"No, I didn't park in the garage. Dumb question." I rolled my eyes. "Thank you for that, Michael."

"Don't thank me… I couldn't stand by and let him hurt you." He glanced down at the rapidly purpling bruise on my arm. "I'm sure Jasper will be thrilled to see that." He added grimly.

I blushed. "Can't wait…"

He paused a moment, his eyes boring into mine, studying me in the way only he could, before he simply smiled. "Happy looks good on you, Sage."

"What's that mean?" I asked, suddenly nervous that he could see something invisible to the naked eye.

He grinned and continued leading me toward the Arts building. "I mean that Jasper's good for you." And then with another glance at my face he asked, "Did you honestly think I wouldn't know? Please. How long have you been together?"

"Uh… About a week… actually."

_What the fuck? _

_ Do I have 'I just got finger-fucked' stamped on my forehead or something?_

"Took you long enough." He smirked.

"What are you talking about?" I tried my best to sound innocent, but he gave me a _Cut the Bullshit_ look and my shoulders slumped. "You knew all along, didn't you?" he smiled. "That's why you let me go."

"I knew I could never keep you." He sighed, opening the door and hitting the button for the elevator.

"Are you seriously walking me all the way to class?" I wondered aloud.

"Well, I'm _in_ the class today. I'm doing a presentation… so yes. Technically." He grinned. "And then I'm walking you to your car… or Jasper's truck, whichever it is… because if anything happened to you and I had foreknowledge that something _might_ happen to you, I have a feeling I'd be meeting Jasper's wrath… and I like Jasper just fine when he's level-headed and calm."

It was my turn to smirk. "Most people do." My ass ached at the thought of what happened the last time I'd incurred Jasper's wrath.

Michael's presentation was surprisingly interesting. He talked about how photography affects the media and the type of spin a simple photograph can reflect, the type of reaction a picture can evoke… and to prove it, he showed off several pictures. Mine, the one I'd used in my Photo Journalism class, the one I'd signed over to him to print with my article… it was among them.

_The day suddenly got a little better._

"Did you put my picture in just because you knew I was in the class?" I asked as he walked me back to the truck.

"No!" he laughed. "I put it in because everyone always has a strong reaction to it."

_Who wouldn't. You see a fucking gull and a bunch of fish covered in oil and dying and… yeah… tends to get a reaction._

"I'm flattered I made the cut."

"Don't patronize me, you know it's a great shot." He sighed, opening the driver's side door for me. I climbed in and he smiled down at me. "Sage, you need to be careful of James." I nodded. "And I have a sneaking suspicion Jasper doesn't know you've been buying from him." I shrugged. "You look sober, so I have no qualms saying this to you: Tell Jasper. And stay away from James."

I attempted a reassuring smile, but I knew he wasn't buying it. "I'll do my best, Mike."

He studied me a moment. "Everything OK?"

I sighed. "More and more of a clusterfuck every day."

Michael nodded. "Call me if you need anything."

"I will." I assured him, knowing full-well that I wouldn't.

_Because _THAT_ would incur Jasper's wrath._

_ And my ass can't take another round of wrath._

I drove home slowly, taking my time and enjoying the non-fight portion of the day because I was assuming Jasper would skin me alive the moment I told him about James. I was debating whether or not to add in a harrowing escape in which I Jet Li'd James off of me, because I wasn't sure I should mention Michael's rescue.

Emmett and Rose weren't home when I pulled in and I breathed a sigh of relief for that. At least we wouldn't give ourselves away if Jasper got all boyfriendly and protective.

I walked in and locked the door before heading downstairs and depositing my things in my room. Jasper hadn't come out to greet me, so I had to assume he was asleep.

_Better for me…_

I crossed the bathroom and opened his door silently, smiling as he came into view, sprawled out on his stomach on the bed. Quickly and quietly, I moved to the bed and then gently climbed on top of him, stretching myself over his back and resting my head in the crook of his neck while my knees bent around his hips.

"Well if that's not the sexiest damn wake up call, I don't know what the fuck is." He murmured groggily. I smiled and kissed his neck. "How was therapy?"

"Good." I replied quietly.

"Class?"

"Good." I said again. This time, he tensed at the response and I knew why. My voice had gone up an octave as I spoke.

"What happened?"

"Nothing to be worried about." I lied, and again my voice betrayed me.

"Sage…" he warned. "Are you laying on me to prevent me from seeing something? Or to try and prevent me from moving?"

"Maybe more to try and keep you calm?" I murmured into his neck.

He groaned and pushed himself up on his elbows, reaching around to pat my thigh and get me to sit up. I did as he wanted, lifting myself to kneel over him as he rolled onto his back and then I lowered myself back down to straddle his thighs.

"Alright." He breathed. "Give it to—"

_Give it to me straight…_

That was what he was about to say, but his eyes landed on the purple handprint on my bicep and he sat up suddenly, nearly making me topple over before I could regain my balance.

"Did Emmett—"

"No!" I assured him quickly, shaking my head.

His brow furrowed and he moved my arm so he could get a better look at the mark. "Who?"

I gulped. "James King." I whispered, my eyes on the bedspread.

"James King? The dealer who hangs around campus?" I nodded. "Sage, what the hell were you doing—"

"I _wasn't_ buying Oxycodone." I interrupted him before he could jump the gun. "I _did_ buy Oxy from him… but I wasn't doing that today, I swear. He caught up with me while I was headed for class and he got a little rough when I told him I wasn't buying any more."

His eyes narrowed. "What aren't you telling me about this guy?"

"You've never seen him, have you?" he shook his head and I slumped, but he supported me and held me upright. "You remember when we went to the club with Peter and Char?" he nodded. "You remember when I went to the bathroom? That guy that was trying to pick me up?"

"_HIM_?" he yelled and I reeled back, almost toppling again but for his hands on my shoulders. "_You_ fucking bought drugs from _him_? Knowing he was trouble? Sage, what in the hell was going on in that head of yours? I can't believe you—" he cut off at the look of rage that I was positive painted my features. "Oh Jesus, Sage I'm sorry."

"Pain." I snapped at him.

"What?" he asked, suddenly confused.

"Pain. _That_ is what was going on in this head of mine. I was in pain and I wanted it to stop, I'm sorry I didn't choose a more reputable source, but as I'm a college student, a police chief's niece, and fairly sheltered, there aren't a whole hell of a lot of options when you're looking for something to numb out with."

Jasper closed his eyes and took a deep breath before replying with, "I didn't mean—"

"I know what you meant." My voice was softer, less harsh this time. "And I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have gone off like that." I gave him a weak smile. "So how did you get away from him then? He didn't strike me as the type to just give up."

I groaned and slumped forward, pressing my face into his neck. "Promise not to get upset?" I mumbled.

"Sweetheart, you say it like that and I _know_ I'm about to get upset."

I groaned again. "Michael." He tensed again. "He was just helping, Jasper. He saw I was in trouble and he stepped in. James was threatening me."

"What did he say?" he snapped suddenly and I jumped.

"You don't want to know." I whispered.

"Oh." He breathed. "I see." He gathered me up in his arms and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Sage, I swore to you no one would ever hurt you like that."

"I know." I whispered, kissing his cheek. "I believe you." And then I sighed. "So what are we going to do? You can't take me to class because you have to work… and I think your territorial instincts are kicking in, so it's not like I can call Michael and ask him to walk me to class."

He smiled. "I'll figure it out, don't worry." I raised my eyebrows in question, but he simply shrugged and plucked at the hem of the black skirt I was wearing. Knee-length, flared out a bit. Nothing to dressy. I'd replaced the denim one with it. I'd been in a skirt mood when I woke up. "I like this." He murmured quietly, smiling at how it pooled around my knees. "I think skirts are my new favorite article of clothing… for you, obviously."

I rolled my eyes and slumped against his chest. "Jazz?"

"Mmm?"

_I want my underwear back, Pervert. That was my favorite thong._

I couldn't tell him that. Knowing Jasper, he'd be about to give it back, have a Peter-moment, and decide to keep it on principle.

"Where's my thong?" I asked innocently, tracing circles on his chest.

He chuckled quietly. "I'm not telling you. You can't have it—Hey!"

I'd shoved my hand down into his right pocket and yanked it inside-out.

_Nothing._

And repeated the process on the left, smirking as my hand grazed his erection through the rough denim and he groaned. This time, as I pulled the pocket inside-out, the small scarlet scrap of cloth came out with it and I snatched it up.

"Thanks for keeping this safe for me, Jas." I teased.

"That's mine."

"Finders, keepers." I smirked and kissed him lightly before climbing off and running to my room to hide it in my hamper.

_**End Note: Leave me a review and I'll send a teaser.**_


	36. Sun Shine

_**A/N: The Twilight characters and world belong to Stephanie Meyer. Period.**_

_**This story is rated M for language, adult situations, themes, and lemons. If these things make you uncomfortable, please don't read. No one under 18 please.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 for pre-reading.**_

_**Thanks to my Schwoogie-Muffin, HammerHips, for being exactly that. SCHWOOGIE-MUFFIN!**_

Chapter 35: Sun Shine

_It's a new day  
It's a bright day  
Even when you stand in the dark  
It's just that  
You've been broken into fifty pieces  
Today is gone  
I'm the only light that you see  
You need someone  
I know all you needed was me_

-"Sunshine" by All American Rejects

_**Jasper POV**_

I couldn't ask her.

She'd come home manhandled and bruised and worried about how I'd react… and I'd jumped down her throat without thinking…

_Not to mention the fact that I completely chickened the fuck out._

We didn't fool around that night, but Sage did come in and lay with me for a while before going back to her own bed. I could tell the day had drained her and I worried that she'd start shutting me out again, but I was pleasantly surprised Friday morning when I woke up to her kissing my neck and rubbing my back.

"Hi." I mumbled.

"Hi." She answered quietly.

"What time is it?"

"Just after seven." She sighed and I groaned. "I wanted to spend some time with you before I had to leave for therapy."

I groaned again, this time in disappointment at the reminder, before I rolled over and deposited her on her side of the bed. I rolled to face her and pulled her to me, tucking her head under my chin and breathing in her sweet berry scent.

"I don't want you to go to O and E." I muttered sadly. "It was hell last time."

She snickered into my chest. "Jas, we weren't even together last time I had O and E."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure there was a point in there somewhere, but I don't see it."

She burrowed in closer. "You going to miss me?"

"I may die from it." I mumbled. It was half-true. I wasn't sure how I was going to survive.

"You wouldn't go and do that…" she sighed, craning her neck to kiss my mouth. "You wouldn't leave me alone to deal with Emmett."

I growled playfully and she laughed as I attacked her mouth, nipping, biting, sucking… I had to get it all in now, because Emmett was dropping her off at the Mental Health Clinic and she'd go straight from therapy with Doctor Cullen to her room in the ward.

I'd wanted to be slow, savor the moment, but I realized Sage had other plans when her hand slipped inside my sweats and squeezed.

"Fuck, Sage…" I groaned as she began long, languid strokes that were sending shockwaves through me.

"What? You're the only one allowed to touch?"

"No… I just… Oh… _fuck_!" I moaned. I couldn't form a coherent thought. My beautiful girl was stroking me, pumping me and I couldn't concentrate on telling her that I wanted to make _her_ feel good when she was making _me_ feel fucking incredible.

Now don't get me wrong here, I'm a guy, and masturbation comes with the territory, but Sage's hand on my dick was something otherworldly. I'd never been able to make myself feel as good as she did and I swore if I could bottle that feeling and sell it, I'd be set for life.

"Shit." I mumbled. "Sage… I'm close…" I tried to squirm out of her grasp, but she threw a leg over my hip to keep me in place and before I could do much more than thrust into her hand a few times, I was grunting and swallowing the moans as I climaxed into her hand. "Evil." I mumbled, pressing my lips to her forehead. "I had plans for you this morning and you just shot them all to hell."

"Mmmm… You think I didn't plan that?"

"Did you?"

"I want you to miss me."

"I would've missed you anyway."

"I haven't touched you in a few days… I wanted you to have a fresh memory."

"Evil." I sighed again, running my tongue along her bottom lip. "Just fucking evil."

She smiled and climbed out of bed to go wash her hands while I laid there and attempted to calm myself down.

When she was finished in the bathroom, she came back and climbed into my arms to kiss me long and slow. "Peter's coming down Monday." I groaned when she released my lips. "He says I obviously need to get back into shape if a little girl was able to trap me in a barn."

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Seriously?" and then the corner of her mouth hitched up. "You seem to be in good shape to me." Her short nails raked down my chest and over my stomach, making me twitch as it tickled.

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes. "He's planning on dragging me on a road march."

I hated road marches. A seventy-five pound pack on my back and a five mile run. In combat boots. Peter's insane.

"So you're not picking me up on Monday." It wasn't a question. Her face fell and she began plucking at my shirt.

"You're kidding me, right?" I asked incredulously. "Of course I'm picking you up. I'll go with Peter after we get you back home…" I pulled her lips back to mine. "I may not be allowed to drop you off and give you a proper goodbye, but I'll be damned if I don't give you a proper hello." She gave me a half-smile and I sighed as she melted into me. "I miss you already."

"Don't do that." She chastised. "Don't start that now."

"I can't help it." I whined. "I want you here, with me. And I'm tired of having to hide out from Emmett, but I understand _why_." I added the last part in a rush because she'd opened her mouth to lay into me. I lightly stroked my fingers up and down her sides. "You should be able to sleep in my bed… and kiss me whenever… and not have to worry about your _brother_ walking in."

We made out for another hour, saying goodbye as best we could, until she had to get up and get moving for the day. She'd packed the night before, thankfully, and only had to shower and get dressed before she was back in my room again kissing me one last time.

I watched her go from the front door, waving goodbye and trying to tell her with my eyes how much I'd miss her. Her look mirrored my own as she waved at me over the dashboard and then Emmett reversed out of his space and they were gone.

I sighed and headed back into the house, grabbed my phone, and dialed Peter.

"_Fucker."_ He greeted me.

"You busy?"

"_Depends."_

"I have business to attend to… and I think I could use you."

There was a sound like he was sucking his teeth and then, _"Misery Business?"_

I snorted. Clearly Charlotte had been listening to Paramore. Sage had gotten her into the band.

"You could say that." I answered.

He groaned. _"You gonna fill me in before or after I get my ass down there?"_

"I'll tell you when you get here. I don't want you runnin' off half-cocked to do it yourself."

There was silence for a moment. _"Who did what to her?"_

I smiled. It was the first time his weird little psycho-gift didn't freak me out… mainly because it was common knowledge that I'd only ever fly off the handle for Sage.

"Just get down here." I sighed. "I'll see you in an hour." I knew he'd come. He thought of Sage as a sister, there was no way he wouldn't come.

And unlike her real brother, Peter and I would deal with the source, instead of with Sage.

An hour and a half later, Peter pulled into the parking spot Sage's Bug used to occupy and hopped out of his truck and up the steps to where I was sitting, waiting and smoking.

His eyes were glinting maliciously as he asked, "Did you enjoy your first taste?" I cocked an eyebrow at him and tried to keep the embarrassment out of my cheeks.

"Of what?" I asked innocently.

He smirked. "Of _cherry_ pie." He answered and I couldn't help but blush. "Shit, now I'm gonna have to start talking you through all this shit."

"Really? Who talked you through it all?" I challenged.

"No one, but I had the balls to do it myself. You won't. You're too scared to lose her and you'll freeze up."

I was only mildly offended by that. It was probably true. I stubbed out my cigarette and stood. "Let's go." We climbed into my truck and he allowed me to get us onto the highway before I told him what was going on.

"So _Michael_ saved the day, huh? You OK with that?"

"I don't wish the guy was dead or anything, Pete. And how can I not be glad he was there to step in?" he shrugged. "Am I absolutely thrilled that he came back into her life, however briefly? No." I admitted guiltily. It was something I could never tell Sage. I could never bring myself to look into her eyes if she were to know how truly jealous of Michael I was.

When I'd asked about their intimacy, it'd been fairly open-ended, and she hadn't felt the need to elaborate. I knew, at some point, possibly the morning our cars had been vandalized, that he'd had his hands on her…

_In her?_

And I didn't like to think of that. It made me want to punch something to think of someone else making her moan, smiling at that soft little _"Ah!" _she gave as came. I wanted those sounds, the look on her face, everything to be only for me.

"So…" Peter looked as though he were struggling with his conscience. "Are we scaring today or…" he trailed off to let me draw my own conclusions. It also couldn't be considered conspiracy if we didn't actually _say_ it.

"We're not going to kill him. But I want him to understand he won't ever fucking touch her again." I answered quietly as I pulled the truck into the parking garage and parked. He followed me out and I immediately headed toward the Math building, knowing James would probably be there. From what I'd heard, it was his normal spot.

Peter went down the alley between buildings and I heard him call out, "Hey, you James King?"

"Who's askin'?"

I heard a rough _thump_ and strode down the alley to where Peter had the lowlife pinned against the wall of the Math building. His eyes caught mine before raking over my face and he sneered.

"How's the Cherry? Sam go home and mount you so I wouldn't get the opportunity?"

Peter's eyes flashed to mine for a second and we were both thinking the same thing: _Sam_?

He seemed to cotton on not to show confusion though and turned back to James. I'd explain later. Obviously Sage had been too scared to use her real name in the event James kept a little black book… _Sage_ was just too uncommon.

"You just gonna stand there?" he asked me. "I've had my ass kicked before, Gents, let's get a move-on. I've got product to sell."

Peter yanked him forward by the front of his shirt, spun him, and slammed him against the opposite wall. As he made to lunge, I clapped a hand over his mouth and forced his head back against the brick, with my opposite forearm pinning him by the neck.

"You. Don't. Touch. Her. Again." I whispered dangerously. "I _will_ kill you next time."

But as I stared at him—while he smirked beneath my hand—a sense of nausea overcame me. I knew him from somewhere, sometime _before_ that night at the club. I racked my brain, trying to place his face and it dawned on me:

Siblings… two brothers as different in appearance as Emmett and Sage. Light and dark. Boisterous and quiet. Good and evil.

_King_.

That was the key to it all.

"Fucking hell…" I murmured quietly. "You're Royce's brother. Jimmy." He simply grinned beneath my hand. "Peter," I called over my shoulder. "Call the police."

"Jasper, I don't—"

"Call the fucking police!" I yelled and I heard him fumbling for his phone. I turned back to James. "You're the one who told Royce where to find Rose…" his eyes told me that it was the truth. "How long have you been watching her?" I removed my hand but kept him pinned at the neck.

He smiled maliciously. "Since they put Royce away… I followed her here… And I told him where to find her." He licked his lips. "I was supposed to get the Cherry for all my hard work." I yanked him forward and slammed him back against the wall and he grunted as his head smacked against the bricks. "But that little cunt killed my brother."

"He had it coming." I growled.

"Police are on their way."

James simply smirked. "Don't worry, Jasper… you'll all be consumed in the cleansing fire soon enough."

_What the…_

"I knew it!" Peter yelled. "I knew it!" he shoved me out of the way and punched James. "You think that little bitch of yours is gonna come after us again? You're wrong, Asshole, the police picked her up this morning right as she was about to cross into Nevada!" he punched James again.

_Well hell, glad to know Peter's keeping me informed!_

The color drained from James' face immediately. "Where the fuck is Alice? Where is she?" he screamed and Peter clapped his hand over his mouth to muffle the screams spewing forth.

"Nice to know I've got all the info, Pete." I snarled.

"It slipped my mind in the clusterfuck of this bastard's doings with Sage." He shot me a grim look. "But they got her… She was spouting nonsense about the cleansing fire and you and how her savior would come for her… The police wanted to talk to you and Sage but I told 'em it'd have to wait 'til next week."

By the time the police arrived, James was in a bad way, but the amount of _product_ he was carrying made it so we needed very little explanation. Peter explained that James had been hassling my girlfriend, had gotten rough with her, and was threatening her… that coupled with the drugs was enough to at least get him arrested and held for a while, though I couldn't be sure how long.

"Well," Peter sighed. "Let's go pick Sage up."

"It's Friday." I checked my watch. "She'll have just gotten on the ward now. She has until Monday."

"I don't think this can wait, Jasper." He shook his head. "Not now. Not anymore. You've got a full-blown fuckin' conspiracy here! Alice tried to kill you… on _his_ orders… because Rosalie got his brother put away and because Sage _killed_ him."

"Sage didn't _kill_ anyone!" I snarled.

He shook his head. "Say it, phrase it, paint it how you want, but you know she pulled the trigger… She felt that recoil… she was covered in his blood as much as her own." His tone was placating, his head was down, and his hands were up in surrender, but he was still saying what he felt I needed to hear. "And you know, deep down, that there's no other way to put it other than she _killed_ him. Otherwise, you'd have never let her blemish her skin with those tallies." I glared at him and he glared back and we stood in silence for several moments before he finally said, "I had to shoot a fuckin' horse, Jasper." His voice broke at the end. "I have _never_ had to kill a horse… so we need to do everything we can to make sure that what happened to the horses… what happened to you… what happened to _Rose_… that _has_ to be the end."

I took a deep breath and nodded.

_**Sage POV**_

"Did you think anymore on inviting Jasper to the family sessions?" Doctor Cullen asked me as I sat and stared off into space.

I blinked and looked at him. "No."

"Mind if I ask why?"

I shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"It does if you think it does." I rolled my eyes and he smiled.

"I'm not ready to share the messy stuff with him." I blushed and thought of a better way to word it, even though Doctor Cullen made no indication he caught the euphemism. "I'm not ready for Jasper to hear what I have to say…"

"You're angry with him."

"Kind of." I took a deep breath. "Mostly… I just want him to talk to me about what happened in Iraq. I _know_ there was more going on than what he wanted me to believe… And when I found out about the IED… It just sort of opened a floodgate, you know? It made me wonder what else he was keeping from me. If he was ever in danger another time and just didn't tell me, I think I need to know…" I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. "I think I earned it… He tells me everything else." And then a thought occurred to me. "I want him to tell me how his mother died."

"He's never told you?" I shook my head, my eyes falling to my lap. Doctor Cullen leaned forward, pressing his hands together and balancing his chin on his knuckles. "Why do you find it so difficult to communicate this need with Jasper?"

I groaned and the buzzer went off as though I'd timed it that way. I made to stand, but Doctor Cullen held up a hand.

"I think we can be a little late to Group. Say what you were going to say."

"I guess…" I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I just wrote to him for too long… We never fought when we were writing to each other, so maybe I just never learned how to fight with him…" I thought a moment. "I don't like fighting with him… and I know that a lot of guys who come back from a hostile zone don't want to talk about it."

"Do you feel that knowledge compounds with your insecurity in communicating what you want from him?"

"_Shit_." I blushed. "Sorry. I think I was channeling our friend, Peter." He gave me an indulgent smile. "I don't know… maybe?"

"Would you feel more comfortable writing it down?"

"Come again?" I asked.

_What's he want me to do? Put it on a sticky note for my file?_

"In letter form. To Jasper." He cocked his head to the side. "Would you feel more comfortable expressing it in a letter?"

I had to think on that. "Maybe… Possibly… Oh, _shit_, you're giving me Therapy Homework, aren't you?"

_Shame. I liked Doctor Cullen for his lack of homework._

He simply smiled at me. "More like… a project. You don't have to do it while you're here… and you can take as much time as you need to express what you need to… but yes, I think you should try it."

_Fuck._

"If you're not comfortable with it, we could do a more intensive analysis."

Doctor Cullen had pulled that one on me before... with _Emmett_.

_Fuck._

"Just because one joint session went well doesn't mean another one would be a good idea." I slumped.

"Why do you say that?"

I groaned. "Because Jasper and I don't play well with others."

"Peter and Charlotte?"

"Peter tries to fix us individually… not _us_."

"Ah. I see."

I sighed. "I'll give the letter a shot…" and then a thought struck me. "I don't have to _give_ him the letter… do I?"

"Only if you want to." He assured me, standing. I stood as well and grabbed my bag. "Come on. It's too late to get you to your room, so we'll just get you to Group and worry about getting you on the ward later." He opened the door and followed behind me as I exited the office.

"Doctor Cullen!" a nurse called from the front desk. "Sage McCarty has a visitor."

We exchanged glances and I shrugged my shoulders.

_Who the hell would come and visit without an invite?_

Doctor Cullen escorted me out to the waiting area and my eyes immediately locked on Jasper and Peter.

Before I could get too close, Doctor Cullen took my arm and pulled me aside. "I thought you didn't invite him for Group."

"I didn't…" I was watching Jasper watch me. He seemed on edge. "Please don't mention it, Doctor Cullen. He'll be hurt."

Doctor Cullen sighed. "Alright… but I am wholly against lying."

"Omitting." I corrected.

"_Lie_ of _omission_." He corrected me and I slumped. "Don't try that on me, Sage. Remember?" I nodded and we approached Jasper and Peter.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked as Jasper leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"There's been a development." Peter grumbled. He was glancing anxiously around the room and his eyes kept going back to a schizophrenic woman in the corner who was talking to herself. "They caught Alice… and we need to go down to the police station. They need to talk to you and Jasper." His eyes were back on the woman and he gave a shudder.

"Can't it wait? I've got Group?" I jerked my thumb over my shoulder, indicating the steel doors of the ward.

"I don't think so, Sage." Jasper replied, his eyes locked on Doctor Cullen.

"I'm sorry, where are my manners?" Doctor Cullen extended his hand. "Carlisle Cullen. Sage's Psychiatrist."

"Jasper Whitlock. Sage's boyfriend."

"Nice to meet you."

"And you."

Jasper seemed uneasy and nervous, but for reasons other than the schizoid in the corner.

"Doctor Cullen, I'm sorry to be doing this, and I know Sage needs to be here for her O and E, but—" the steel doors opened and several patients in my Group exited with their family and significant others. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, because I knew what Jasper was thinking.

"It's alright, Jasper. You need to provide as much help to the police as possible." Doctor Cullen tried to pick up the dropped subject. "Sage can skip O and E this month. I think we're OK enough for that." He tried to smile encouragingly.

_We are?_

_Shit._

_Why do I feel like I'm about to be executed?_

Seeming to pick up on my shift in comfort, Doctor Cullen took me by the arm and led me away from them. "Sage, is there something I need to know?"

I gave a dark laugh. "Jasper doesn't take to kindly to being kept in the dark… and I have a feeling that not only not being _told_, but having to _see_ that I kept this from him… There's going to be an argument."

"Only an argument?"

"Yes." I sighed. "Jasper would never hurt me, Doctor Cullen. You don't have to worry about that."

He sighed and appraised me for several moments before deciding I was telling the truth. "Alright. But you page me if—"

"If I need you." I finished for him. "And be mindful of my emotional climate, First Do No Harm, To Serve Man is a cookbook, and Oprah is not an alien who landed in Chicago." He smirked and I smiled. "Got it. Thanks, Doctor Cullen."

"Anytime. And Sage?" I turned back to him. "Monday." I nodded.

Jasper and Peter were waiting for me. Peter seemed to be muttering something under his breath to Jasper and as I got closer I caught a snippet of _"don't fight with her now or you'll regret it. At least wait 'til you're home and settled for the evening."_

I froze, afraid to go any closer because Jasper was almost quaking in anger. When his eyes found me again, he took a deep breath, squared his jaw, and said, "Let's go." And though his voice was hard, he held out his hand and laced his fingers with mine before pulling my hand up to kiss my knuckles.

"Jazz, about—"

"We'll talk about it later." He said quietly, guiding me into the truck. I made to climb into the back, but he immediately pulled my into my usual spot while Peter climbed into the back of the cab. "Emmett and Rose should be on the way to Forks by now." He commented.

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. "I guess you get me for the weekend after all." He gave me a half-smile, but didn't comment. "Pete? You said they caught Alice?"

"Yeah, she's being held in a Looney Bin—sorry." He apologized immediately, forgetting that he'd just been to a Psych Clinic to pick me up. "She's being held in a…uh…"

"Psych Ward." I supplied.

"Yeah! Right… the… the…"

"Psych Ward, Peter. Say it. Psych Ward." Jasper deadpanned. "You're not going to offend her by saying it."

"I can't fucking say it! OK? I just can't!"

"Why not?" I asked.

He took a deep breath. "Because you're not fucking crazy and I do NOT get why _you_ of all people need to be in a fuckin' _Psych Ward_ with people who talk to themselves, roll shit balls, and lick walls! And I'm not gonna understand it so back the fuck off!"

I turned in my seat to watch him scrunched into the corner of the cab, his arms crossed, staring out the small side window.

"Pete? What's wrong?"

"Nothin'."

"Bullshit."

He sighed. "Maybe seein' the people there made it more real to me… but _you're_ not crazy… and you spend your days in that place. You spend your free time in a nuthouse."

"It's not a nuthouse! Those are my—"

"If you fuckin' say those are your _people_, I swear to God, gentleman or not, I will backhand you into next week and kick your ass on Friday!" Peter growled. "Those are _not_ your _people_!"

I took a deep breath and turned back around, unfastened my seatbelt, and slid over to the opposite end of the cab from Jasper and Peter.

"Sage," Jasper sighed, holding his hand out to me, but I pushed it away and buckled myself in. "Sweetheart, please?" I pressed my forehead against the glass and simply watched the passing scenery for the entire ride to Napa.

_**End Note: I like reviews. If you like teasers, leave me a review.**_


	37. Bless The Broken Road

_**A/N: I still don't own the Twilight universe or characters.**_

_**This story is rated M for a reason. It contains adult language, themes, content, and lemons. If you are under 18, please don't read.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 for pre-reading.**_

_**Love, hugs, and all things fluffy for my awesome Schwoogie-Muffin, HammerHips.**_

_*****This chapter contains lemons. Again, if this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read.**_

Chapter 36: Bless the Broken Road

_But now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms  
This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you_

-"Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts

_**Sage POV**_

We spent six hours at the Napa Police Department.

Six.

Fucking.

Hours.

And I thought I'd have to mutilate Alice in the process.

All they'd wanted from us was to corroborate our stories and identify Alice. That, we could do.

But Alice was refusing to speak to anyone but Jasper… and it made me uneasy.

"So let me speak to her." Jasper sighed, leaning back in his chair.

Detective Marcus gave him a hard look. "You're sure?"

I grabbed Jasper's hand before he could respond and turned to him. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Darlin', if I'm the only one she'll talk to, then I need to do it…"

"She tried to _kill_ you!"

"And she's not gonna try again… she's been searched… there are orderlies and police officers in there. I'll be _fine_." He tried to assure me, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "You need to let me do this."

I sighed and released his fingers as he stood up and followed the officer into the other interrogation room.

"You can watch, if you'd like." Detective Marcus motioned for Peter and I to follow and we did, leaning against the back wall so that we could watch the "private" conversation.

Alice stood as soon as Jasper entered the room, a huge smile splitting her face. "Jasper! I knew you'd come for me!" she jumped at him and managed to get her handcuffed wrists around his neck, pulling him down so that she could plant a wet kiss on him.

Before I knew what was happening, Peter had me by the arm and was tugging me out of the monitor room.

"Come on, Sage. We don't need to watch this."

I hadn't realized I'd been halfway across the room and nearly ready to pummel Alice until Pete grabbed me. I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down, then I followed Peter outside the precinct and gratefully accepted a cigarette from him when he offered.

I crouched down with my back to the brick wall and sighed. "You ready to tell me what the mondo-bitchout was about, Peter?"

He groaned and rolled his head back against the wall. "Nothin'. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that." He deadpanned.

"Bullshit." I replied, standing again. He glared at me. "Pete… talk to me."

"They're _not_ your people." He said simply.

"Pete, yes, they are! Just like when I come to visit, you and Char are my people; and when I'm at home, Jasper is my people. They have a part of me, they _see_ a part of me that I'm afraid to show everyone else. And whether or not you believe it, I _do_ need to be there. My problems may not be as bad as theirs… but they help me. They listen to me. And I don't think you can get a better group of listeners than people who want to hear that others have problems too. Everyone just wants to feel like they're OK because other people are just as screwed up and there is _nothing_ wrong with that. So if you can't be OK with them being my people for a while… then you can't be my people."

Peter looked as though I'd slapped him. It truly pained me to say it, but it was the truth. If Peter was going to give me shit about the people I was surrounded with during my recovery, then I couldn't have him around. He'd be a detriment. I'd worry too much about what he thought and not enough about getting better. And I owed it to Jasper to get better.

Finally, he sighed and asked, "Do I have to _like_ them?"

"No." I snorted.

"Do I have to pretend to _like_ it?"

"You have to keep your dislike to yourself." I replied.

"But I don't have to act all happy and shit?" I shook my head. "Alright then. They can be your people. But they're only _temporary_ people." He pulled me into a hug. "Because we're the permanent people."

I hugged him back. "Thank you, Peter." When he let me go, I crouched back down and he crouched next to me.

He sighed again. "I had a friend… in high school…" he shifted his weight around and cleared his throat. "He was depressed… a lot. He couldn't hide it like you could… couldn't flip that switch sometimes like you do."

"I don't flip a switch, Pete… I have good days and bad days." I murmured as I took the last drag of my cigarette and stubbed it out.

Peter nodded and lit me another before continuing. "He killed himself… no warning… nothing…" he sighed again. "But he was in a… a…" he twiddled his index finger in the air as though that would make the words easier to say.

"Psych Ward." I said for him.

He nodded. "Yeah, that. He was in that for a few weeks… and everyone thought he got better." He took such a long drag on his cigarette that he pulled it from halfway all the way to the filter. "And then one day he just strung himself up." I cringed at his term, but he didn't seem to notice. "I found him… Got worried when he didn't show up to school, so I went over to his house and found him."

"I'm sorry, Petey." What else was there to say?

"But see? That's why I know you don't belong there. You're not as bad as that."

"But I have been, Pete. You know that." He shrugged. "Peter, I may not be suicidal or Chronic, but I have a problem… and I'm getting help."

"What if they can't help you?"

I was taken aback by that. "Is that what you think? That the therapists on the ward failed your friend?" he shrugged noncommittally. "Pete, I'm sure they did everything they could." He rolled his eyes. "Peter…" I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking. "Part of my problem is that I don't know how to deal with problems that arise… stuff with Emmett… arguments with Jasper… They're teaching me to deal with those problems."

"That why you didn't invite him today? His feelings are hurt, you know?"

"That's between him and I… and I know I'm gonna have to answer for that later." I took another long drag. "Thanks for getting him to calm down… even if it's only temporary."

"Yeah, what are _people_ for." He smirked.

_**Jasper POV**_

_She didn't want me at Group with her…_

_Is she afraid I won't like what I hear?_

_Or that I won't want to be with her?_

"Jasper," Peter murmured quietly. "Jasper, seriously." He nudged my shoulder. "I mean it, Jasper, fuckin' pay attention! I'm telling you right now: don't fight with her now or you'll regret it. At least wait 'til you're home and settled for the evening."

I knew I needed to calm down. I was shaking in anger and upset and Sage was afraid to get too close. I took a deep breath and reached for Sage's hand. I needed to feel her skin on mine in some fashion or I'd never be able to calm down.

_How ironic that the one person who can put me in this state is also the only person who can fix it._

I kissed her knuckles and led her out to the truck.

"Jazz, about—"

"We'll talk about it later." I answered quickly. I'd meant for it to come out as a more heated assurance, but it seemed I couldn't… not when she'd just come from therapy. Sage had always seemed so raw and on edge after therapy.

In a way, I was kind of happy that Peter had taken the time to yell at her about her so-called _People_, but her reaction upset me more than I could vocalize and I immediately felt bad for letting Peter get away with it… especially when she scooted over to the passenger seat and refused to speak for the rest of the drive. At one point, she even started hunkering down in the seat and shifting her body as close to the door as she could.

_Hiding…_

I'd come to recognize the signs of her hiding.

I dropped Peter at his truck and we followed him back to Napa.

After that, I tried to be better. I held her hand and put an arm around her, anything I could to reassure her, but she wasn't having any of it until I'd volunteered to speak to Alice.

"I don't think it's a good idea." She whispered, grabbing my fingers and squeezing. Unfortunately, she grabbed me with her left hand and I could feel the raised flesh of the burn on her palm, which only solidified my resolve.

"Darlin', if I'm the only one she'll talk to, then I need to do it…" I answered.

"She tried to _kill_ you!" she looked so scared, and I knew she wasn't meaning to throw off that emotion, but it was clear as a bell in her voice.

"And she's not gonna try again… she's been searched… there are orderlies and police officers in there. I'll be _fine_." I murmured, kissing her forehead. "You need to let me do this."

She'd reluctantly let me go and I _reluctantly_ kept my mouth shut when Detective Marcus told them they could watch; I wasn't sure I wanted her watching or listening. Who knows what Alice would say? But I didn't want some bullshit Alice spouted to set Sage off or send her over the edge, and I silently swore to any and all Higher Powers that as long as Sage stayed _my_ Sage after this encounter, I'd swallow my anger and fuckin' deal with the fact that she didn't even tell me about the about the Group agenda for the weekend.

Alice's eyes lit up as soon as I entered the room and before I could even process the movement, she was crying, "Jasper! I knew you'd come for me!" and yanking me down to kiss me.

I did my best to pull away, but with her cuffed wrists around my neck, it was a tall order and it took a minute to extricate myself from her grasp. When I did, she seemed so sad.

"Sit, Alice. We need to talk." I commanded and for the first time, I noticed that her eyes were glassy. "Is she medicated?" I mumbled to an orderly in the corner behind me. He shook his head as Alice burst into a fit of hysterical giggles.

"Silly, Jazzy! You know I don't take any medicine!"

_Wow. She's gone completely Sack of Hammers._

_Yup… that's twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound bag._

I sat down across the table from her. "Alice, why'd you try to kill me?"

She blinked at me, confused. "I wasn't trying to _kill_ you, Jasper! I was trying to _cleanse_ you… You have nothing because you don't have love… all you have to do is _love_ me, Jasper. James says—"

"_James_ sent his brother here to rape and kill my sister!" I hissed and she stopped immediately. "James was going to rape _Sage_!"

She blinked. "Well… It's his right to take that."

"_What_?" I asked. "Alice, do you hear yourself? What happened to your faith?"

"I have my faith. James is my Lord and Savior… he guides the Children of the Moon."

"The Children of the Moon?"

She nodded happily, probably because I'd never paid too much interest to her faith before. "That's the name of our Church… Silly… Didn't I ever tell you that?"

"No…" I felt my eyes going wide. The times I'd gone with her to Bible study, it had been held on the top floor of the Berkeley library. I'd never seen this side of Alice before and was silently thankful for that; she was downright freaky.

"Silly!" she laughed again, shaking her head. "But it's OK, Jazzy… Once James cleanses Sage, it'll all be OK! He'll probably take her for one of his wives and then we can all be one big, happy family!" she was bouncing excitedly. "Won't that be wonderful?"

I looked at one of the officers and stood. "I'll be back." He escorted me back into the monitor room and I was slightly relieved that Sage and Peter were nowhere to be found. "What the hell are the Children of the Moon?" I asked Detective Marcus once the door closed behind me.

He sighed. "Some kind of religious cult… apparently they've been functioning for quite some time… at least five years. Miss Brandon here… she broke out of a sanitarium in Biloxi about three years ago and completely disappeared from the grid…" he shifted uncomfortably. "She managed to get herself a new Social Security Number and changed her appearance enough to not set off any red flags when she applied to the University… We can only assume James King helped her with that."

"But how'd she get mixed up with him?" I asked, watching as Alice sat serenely at the table, waiting patiently for my return.

"He was visiting her… apparently they'd met on some internet site before she was committed. From what she says, she, and I quote," he flipped open a file and read from a statement sheet. "_gave herself over to her Lord and Savior freely and willingly_." I choked on bile. I knew what that meant.

_Disgusting_.

"The doctors at Fairview Sanitarium reported that Alice frequently described the encounter in great detail… and that she was convinced James had cleansed her."

"You're not supposed to tell me that. That's privileged information." I told him, not bothering to take my eyes off Alice.

"Not when it came from Alice. Apparently she stole her files when she broke out…" he sighed. "We don't know much about Children of the Moon, though… not as much as we need to."

"Can't you get a warrant? Search her place?"

"We're working on that, but there aren't any guarantees. We have to get her to name James specifically… then we can do a more thorough search and include his residence."

I nodded. "Alright then." I opened the door and strode back in, sitting down across from her. "Alice," she watched me expectantly. "Who leads the Children of the Moon?"

"James."

"Does James have a last name?"

She made a _tsht_ noise and smiled. "Of course, Silly. _Everyone_ has a last name." she reached across the table and took hold of my hand.

"Well… what's James' last name?"

She giggled. "_King_! Because he's the King. Get it? He makes everything so much better, Jasper, just wait! I can't wait to get you Saved, Jazzy. We'll be so happy together. We'll get married and have babies and James will Save them too!" she was gripping me so tightly now that her sharp little nails were digging into my palm, but I refused to flinch.

"No, Alice." Her smile disappeared to be replaced with a blank look. "I'm with Sage now."

She rolled her eyes. "No you're not." She laughed again. "I know I went away for a while and I'm sure you were lonely, but I'm here now and we can be together and—"

"No, Alice." I said again, pulling my hand away.

Her eyes went wide. "You love me." It was insistent, as though by saying it out loud would make it true.

"No." I shook my head. "I love Sage."

_Holy fuck!_

_I just said that out loud! Fuck!_

I hadn't meant it to come out at all, least of all to Alice… and certainly not when I didn't know if Sage was back in the monitor room listening and watching… and certainly not when I remembered what happened the last time those words had been said to her.

_FUCK!_

"No you don't! You love me!" she slammed her fists down on the table, her face contorted with rage. "You love me! You love me! You love me!" she screamed and I immediately stood and walked out.

I closed the door and turned to Detective Marcus. "You got what you need?" he nodded. "Fan-fucking-tastic." I left after that and wandered outside when I saw Sage and Peter through one of the windows at the front of the building.

When I joined them, Peter offered us our room at the ranch, but I wanted to go home and curl up with Sage, whether or not she wanted to, though I wouldn't push her. We climbed back into my truck and Sage immediately buckled herself into the passenger seat.

"You don't want to sit with me?" I asked her quietly. She stared at me for a moment before slowly unbuckling herself and sliding over to fasten herself into the middle. I put my arm around her and hugged her to me, kissing her hair.

We drove in silence for about twenty minutes before she finally said, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you they were doing Family Group this weekend."

_Funny… She's sorry she didn't _tell_ me about it._

"But not that you didn't invite me?" the words left my mouth before I could stop them and I immediately regretted them. She didn't need me on her case. I was almost positive the reason she'd left the monitor room was so that she wouldn't have to watch Alice kiss me.

She took a deep breath and replied, "I wish I could say that I was… but I'm not." My stomach dropped at that. "Jas, there are things I'm not ready to talk to you about… and if you'd come… well… that's what Family Group is for… and I'm just not ready yet."

"What do you need to square with me?" I asked and she shot me an incredulous look. "I know you said you're not ready to _discuss_ them… does that mean I can't_ know_ what they are?"

"Yes."

I sighed. "Sage, it hurt that you didn't even tell me."

"I know… but you'd have wanted to come. And I've said I'm sorry."

I nodded. "Would you have invited Emmett if he was in town?"

She snorted a laugh. "One good session does not a breakthrough make." I smiled. "I think I should start small… and when the time is _right_, I'll be able to talk to you or… I don't know… _something_."

There was something in that _something_ that gave me pause. What else was there but to talk? But I pushed those thoughts aside and kissed her hair again.

"I figured you'd be yelling or something." She murmured as she snuggled closer.

"I was going to." I admitted, ashamed. "But you don't need it from me… You get enough from Emmett… Mostly I'm just hurt that you didn't tell me, but I get it and I won't push." She snuggled even closer at those words and smiled into my shoulder.

"I missed you… that's stupid, isn't it? I was gone only a few hours."

"I missed you too." I admitted sheepishly and then I heaved a sigh. "But you _cannot_ just not tell me stuff like that…"

She peered up at me for a moment before saying, "Jazz, it's my recovery." I opened my mouth to argue, but she rushed on. "And I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. I can only go at _my_ pace, no one else's… and I know that sucks and I know it probably makes you feel powerless when all you want to do is help but—"

"_But_," I cut in. "_You_ are not the only one with a _stake _in your recovery. I have one too…" I took my arm back long enough to pull into my parking spot in front of the house and unbuckled myself. Sage followed suit and we turned to face each other. "We're in this together, Sage. You need to remember that. If something's wrong with you, that means something's wrong with me…" I ran my thumb over her cheek and kissed her quickly, knowing she'd never allow the neighbors to catch us in the event they might tell Emmett. "Come on. Let's go inside and forget this shitty day ever happened."

"Not fucking likely." She grumbled as I tugged her out my door and set her on her feet. "Watching Alice kiss you was sort of like watching a rhinoceros hump a giraffe. Disturbing and fucked up."

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "OK… am I the rhino or the giraffe in this scenario?"

"Pick one! Does it matter?" she asked as I grabbed her bag and led her inside.

"No, I don't suppose… but if it's any consolation, I didn't _want_ her to kiss me… and I tried my best to get her off as quickly as possible."

She snorted. "I guess I missed that."

_That hurt._

"You… _did_ see me push her away, right?" her eyes fell and she leaned against the basement door. "_Right_?" I pressed, but she refused to look at me.

"Peter kinda… took me outside… 'Cause I was… maybe gonna beat Alice to within an inch of her life." She mumbled.

I blinked.

_Is she saying…?_

"Sage, are you trying to tell me you were _jealous_?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes! OK?" she cried. "It's not like when you were jealous over Benjamin because there was absolutely _nothing_ happening there."

I cocked an eyebrow. "But you knew there was no reason to be upset."

"And you knew there was no reason to be jealous over Benjamin. Didn't stop you." She stuck her tongue out at me, opened the door, and headed downstairs with me hot on her heels. "I need to call Emmett. If he finds out I left O and E, I'll never hear the end of it."

When we got to the basement, I caught her around the middle and lifted her as she squealed and laughed. "And then you'll come hang out with me?" I asked, kissing her neck.

"Yes…" she closed her eyes and let her head fall back against my shoulder as I nipped and sucked and then she smacked my cheek lightly. "Stop! You'll leave a mark!"

"I wanna leave a mark." I held her tighter as she tried to squirm away. "Come on… It'll fade… eventually."

She smacked me again. "No!" she wriggled away. "Jas, stop… No marks." I groaned into her neck. "Go… I'll be with you in a bit." She pushed me away and I chuckled as she disappeared into her room and closed the door.

My phone buzzed and I grabbed it, not even bothering to check the ID.

"_Fucker."_

I rolled my eyes and walked into my room and closed the door. "Hey, Pete."

"_It's gonna suck the first time."_

"What?"

"_You know…"_

I groaned. "We're not having this conversation."

He snorted. _I'm just sayin'… don't be offended… you may wanna take some extra precautions and give her a little somethin' beforehand."_

"Fucking A. I'm _not_ talking about this, Pete!" I hung up just as Sage stepped through my door.

"What conversation aren't you having?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow at me.

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. "Nothing. Peter just being Peter." She rolled her eyes and laid down on my bed. She smiled up at me and I sighed and picked up a CD. "You wanna hear something?"

_What the fuck am I doing?_

The song I'd just offered to play was one I'd known how to play since it was released by the Artist… it was beautiful, and possibly the only song I knew of that summed up my relationship with Sage… even the fact that I was in love with her, though I didn't think I'd ever have the guts to admit it to her. In a way, playing my recording of it was the only way I'd ever be able to tell her, but she'd never realize it.

Sage propped herself up on her elbow and nodded. "Is it you?" I nodded, ducking my head out of shyness. "When did you find time to record?"

I sighed as I slid the CD into the CD-ROM on my laptop and hit the media player. "When you were in O and E the first time… I was climbing the walls and I figured it'd be a good time to get distracted with something." I shot her a look. "You have to swear not to laugh… this… It isn't my song… and there are studio musicians playing with me to round it out." She quirked an eyebrow. "Just don't laugh."

"When have I ever laughed at you?"

I smirked. "Every chance you get."

She rolled her eyes. "Only about stupid stuff… you and your music… not so much."

I managed to climb onto the bed and settle myself beside her as the opening notes to Rascal Flatts' _Bless the Broken Road_ began playing. She knew the song, it was one of her favorites, and one I'd played for her often since we'd moved in with Emmett and Rose. Her smile widened and she pulled me into a kiss just as my own voice played out from the laptop speakers.

"_I set out on a narrow way, many years ago  
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road  
But I got lost a time or two  
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through  
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you"_

I rolled onto my back, pulling her on top of me as I did, and sliding my hands under the hem of her black T-shirt and up her back until I reached the spot where I should've met her bra.__

"Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars  
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
This much I know is true"

I pulled away just long enough for her to grin sheepishly at me, bite her lip, and say, "Not allowed to have it on the ward… and since I was supposed to go straight to Group, it was just easier to not wear it than have it confiscated." Before I pulled her back to me, smiling as she immediately opened her mouth for me.__

"That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you  
Yes He did

I think about the years I spent, just passing through  
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you  
But you just smile and take my hand  
You've been there, you understand  
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true"

She moaned into my mouth as I began sliding her shirt further up her body, curling my fingers over her shoulders to keep her pressed against me. She was grinding down on me, making it hard to keep my concentration.__

"Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars  
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you

But now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms  
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you"

Sage sat up, forcing my hands back to her hips as she adjusted on top of me and began yanking at my shirt. "Off. I want this off." She whispered breathlessly.

_Fuck!_

_She's seen them._

_ONCE! She's seen them ONCE!_

I shook my head. "No… No, it's OK." She stilled immediately, her brow furrowed.

_Fuck!_

She rolled to the side, away from me, and sat back on her heels, staring at me for a while. Finally, she opened her mouth, closed it, thought, and whispered, "You won't take your shirt off for me?" I squeezed my eyes shut and felt the blush stain my cheeks again. "I've seen them, Jazz, why won't you take your shirt off?" I couldn't answer. How could I tell her I didn't want her to have to look at them? Didn't want her to have to touch them? I shuddered. "Unbelievable." She sighed and I felt the bed shift as she climbed off.

"Sage," I sighed, standing up and going after her. I caught up with her in the bathroom as she opened the shower stall and hit the water on as cold as it would go. "Sage, please just let me—" she grabbed me by the front of my shirt and used the momentum I already had from my approach to swing me into the shower before she slammed the stall door shut and leaned against it. "Sage!" I pounded on the glass. "Dammit! Let me out! The water's fucking _freezing_!"

"Then turn it off, Brain Trust." She called over the rush of the water.

_Duh._

_Dumbass._

I turned the water off and stood there dripping and shivering as she waited several minutes for who knows what. Finally, she sighed and opened the stall, but blocked my exit.

"Do you feel like an idiot?" my brow furrowed in confusion. "You're fully clothed and completely soaked. Do you _feel_ like an idiot?"

"Y-y-yes." I whispered through chattering teeth.

"Good. Now you feel the way you're acting. At least you're body's on the same page now." And she reached in and tugged at the hem of my shirt again. This time, I raised my arms and let her pull it off over my head. I didn't dare shrink away as she grabbed me by the belt and pulled me out of the shower. "It's just me." She whispered, placing a tender kiss over my heart.

"I know… I just—" my breath hitched as her lips found my collarbone and I grabbed her by the rear and lifted her, smiling as she wrapped her legs around my hips and her arms around my neck while I slowly walked us back to my bed.

"You're perfect, Jazz." She whispered into my neck as I set her down at the end of the bed. I closed my eyes as her lips found each of the scars across my chest and shoulders while her fingers caressed the ones on my back. "Stop thinking." She commanded me.

I groaned and hooked her chin with my finger, tilting her face up so that I could kiss her mouth again. Before I could stop her, she was undoing my belt and fumbling with the button on my jeans. I pulled away, but she simply smirked.

"You're soaked, Jasper… you're freezing." She tried to pull me back to her, but I grabbed her shirt and pulled it up and over her head, smiling as I kissed her again while her hands continued to fumble with my zipper. I smiled when she finally got my pants undone and slid them down my legs so I could step out of them.

When her hand grazed my erection, my brain seemed to kick-start.

_Beautiful girl…_

_Stripping me…_

_Duh, Fucker!_

I reached down and began undoing her belt, relieved that she made no move to stop me, only pulling me closer, kissing me harder; and then I was fumbling with the button and my hands were shaking so bad we both laughed as she took over and rid herself of her jeans.

I stood back a minute to take her in, completely naked but for a pair of blue lace cheekies. Apparently, I stared too long because she became uncomfortable under my gaze and tried to cover her breasts, but I pulled her arms away.

"Don't." I whispered. "God, you're so beautiful." I kissed her once more before pushing her down to sit on the bed while I kneeled between her legs. She leaned down to kiss me as I ran my hands from her knees to her hips and back again.

"Jazz…" she murmured, pulling me closer. "Jazz, I don't want any more secrets between us. I want to know everything about you… every inch of you."

_And my brain just died._

_For real._

I pulled back, searching her eyes for any hint that she wasn't positive. "Are you sure?" I whispered hoarsely.

She bit her lip, but smiled and nodded. "Everything. I want to know everything."

_It's gonna suck the first time… that's what Peter said._

_Fuck Peter!_

I pressed Sage back and she took the cue, crawling backwards up the bed as I stalked after her. As I reached her mouth again, I cupped her sex, smiling as her hips bucked into my hand. "Can I taste you?" I whispered against her lips. I heard a small gasp, but she nodded and I immediately began sliding her panties down her legs. I kissed her lips once more before trailing kisses down her neck and over her breasts, stopping to swirl my tongue around each nipple. She tasted so sweet, I almost hated to leave her breasts, but I continued kissing down her stomach before stopping to nip her hipbone, smiling as she thrust her hips upward.

I kissed the juncture of her thighs, but bypassed her most intimate area entirely to kiss my way down one leg, smiling when she let out a disappointed whine, but I shot her a look and her head fell backward against the pillows as I placed a quick kiss to the inside of her ankle before ridding myself of my boxers and kissing my way back up the other leg, stopping again at the juncture of her thigh.

Her breathing was already ragged as I settled myself between her legs and I watched her eyes snap shut and her mouth pop open slightly as I leaned my head down and lightly stroked her clit with my tongue. Taking that as encouragement, I thrust my tongue inside her and smiled as her hips bucked and she moaned. I slipped two fingers inside her, focusing my tongue on her clit while I thrust with my fingers, curling them upward.

_Fucking score!_

She cried out my name and her inner walls immediately contracted around my fingers. I removed my fingers and thrust my tongue inside her again, relishing the sweet essence of her release. When she came down from the high, I slid my fingers back inside her and spread them, stretching her just a little. I wasn't as egotistical as Peter to say I was _huge_, but I knew there was a big enough difference between having my fingers versus my cock and I wanted Sage to enjoy this.

She bit her lip and stroked my hair as her breathing returned to normal and I climbed back up her body, moaning as she pulled me into a passionate kiss.

When we broke apart, I whispered, "Are you ready?" she nodded breathlessly and I grinned wickedly. "I wanna hear you say it…"

Instead of answering me, she smirked and pulled me into another kiss before slipping her hand between us and taking my length in her hand. I groaned as she pumped me a few times before guiding me to her center, pressing my tip against her warm entrance.

I groaned and closed my eyes for a moment before kissing her again and pushing slowly into her. I stopped when I reached her barrier and gave her a minute to adjust again. Sage took a deep breath and nodded. I captured her lips again and thrust in to the hilt, swallowing her whimper.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered, pressing my forehead to hers. "I can stop."

"No!" she whispered. "I don't want to stop. I want this. I want you." She took a deep breath and I waited for her to adjust to the intrusion, smiling slightly when she began thrusting her hips against me.

I pulled out slightly and thrust back in, letting my head drop and a moan escape at the sensation of being fully sheathed inside her. I continued slowly, tentatively, until I found a rhythm and then I kissed Sage again, moaning into her mouth as she wrapped her legs around my hips and met me thrust for thrust.

At one point, I looked down and watched as my cock slipped in and out, but I had to bite back a moan and close my eyes.

_So close…_

"Oh, God, Sage…" I murmured quietly before increasing my speed and feeling her walls clench around me. Three more thrusts and I fell over the edge, spasming inside her as I climaxed.

As our breathing evened out again, I rolled off to the side, smiling as Sage immediately draped herself across my chest and kissed me tenderly. "Can we do that again?" she asked when she let me breathe.

I laughed and kissed her. "As much as you want… but you're gonna have to give me a minute." I sighed and closed my eyes as her lips pressed against my chest. "What happened to going slow?" I murmured.

"Are you complaining?"

I snorted. "Not a chance… just curious."

Her lips found mine again for a slow, sweet kiss. "I figured seven years was pretty damn slow." She murmured, and something in her tone shot straight to my dick. "Minute's up." She whispered, kissing me again before climbing off the bed.

"Where are you going?" I whined, frowning when she snickered at me.

"To take a shower." She answered, pausing in the doorway. "I never said you couldn't come with me."

I scrambled out of bed and chased her into the bathroom and straight into the shower. As soon as the water was warm enough, we stepped under the spray and I immediately wrapped my arms around her, pulling her back against my chest.

"Do you feel what you do to me?" I whispered, pressing my erection into her backside. She nodded, letting her head fall back against my shoulder as I leaned down and kissed her neck, bringing my hands up to cup her breasts and squeeze. "You feel so amazing. You taste amazing." I let one hand trail down her stomach and between her legs, teasing her as she pressed into my hand. Her mouth popped open, but no sound came out and I grinned before gently biting her shoulder. I slipped my fingers inside her again and pumped her.

"Fuck… Jasper…" she hissed, turning her head so I could kiss her.

"You like that?"

"Yes!" She gasped and I smiled as I felt the light squeezing that meant she was close.

All at once, I pulled out and pressed her against the tile, bracing her hands and scooting her feet apart, bending her at the hips before I thrust into her. She cried out and gasped at the same time as I found my rhythm, using one hand to work that sensitive bundle between her legs while I pinched and rolled her nipples with the other. She pressed back into me, crying out as I thrust into her.

"Jas… God! Ah!"

Her muscles clamped down on me again and I immediately came, grabbing onto her hips to keep us joined as we rode out our orgasms together.

We were both breathing heavily as I pulled out of her, and she turned and gave me a lazy smile before pulling me down for another sweet kiss.

We washed each other off, taking longer than normal because we kept getting sidetracked kissing each other, and then we dried off and climbed into my bed.

"Jazz?" she mumbled sleepily as she rested her head on my chest.

"Mmm?" I asked.

"I get why Peter and Char had sex in the club now…"

I smirked. "You do, huh?"

"Mmmm…" she smiled and lifted her head for one more kiss. "That was fucking amazing."

_**End Note: Leave me a review, I'll send you a teaser! I love to tease (*evil grin*).**_


	38. Your Secret Love

_**A/N: I don't own it.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult situations, content, and themes. It contains lemons. If you are not at least 18 years of age, please **_

_**Thank you to HammerHips for allowing me to use the "Molehill of Meh". If you don't know what I'm referencing, you should definitely check out the merged blog of the Lambs and the Whitlock Harem when it goes live, because the segment "Major Turn-Offs" will change the way you view lemons, guaranteed. She's the Schwoogie-Muffin to my Red Hot Mama.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 for pre-reading.**_

_*****For those who are interested, RemyKilday created 3 beautiful banners for Control in her Polyvore. The links are up on my profile if you're interested in looking at them. Give her some love for her great work!**_

Chapter 37: Your Secret Love

_Oh, yes  
A kiss in the dark  
A certain time I can call you  
A letter of love  
But no name did you sign  
Pretending to all  
That we were just friends when I saw you  
I didn't know that you wanted me to be  
I didn't know that you wanted me for your  
(For you) To be  
Your secret love_

-"Your Secret Love" by Luther Vandross

_**Jasper POV**_

I woke up around five AM and simply laid there, curled around Sage, watching her sleep. She seemed so peaceful and serene, her face free of worry for the first time in months. By seven, however, I couldn't keep my mouth and hands off her and began rubbing her back as I kissed her shoulder.

Slowly, her beautiful eyes fluttered open and she smiled at me. "Morning." She murmured.

"Morning." I whispered back, kissing her shoulder again. I sighed. "Did you know… that you have three tiny freckles on the back of your neck? And that if I were to play _Connect the Dots_ with them, they'd form an equilateral triangle?"

She groaned, but smiled. "It's too early for Geometry, Jasper… how long have you been awake?"

"A while…" I answered.

"Why? Couldn't you sleep?" there was that damn frown that I'd seen far too much in the past few months.

"I slept very well, Sweetheart." I kissed her shoulder again to punctuate the sentence. "I just have a beautiful, naked woman in my bed and you'll forgive me if sleep wasn't at the top of the priority list." She rolled her eyes as I kissed her lips, but then she frowned again.

"I had a dream last night…"

"What about?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbow.

She sighed and her lips drew into a thin line. "I'm… not sure… but there was something important about it." She continued to think for a while and then her eyes got wide and she sat up, her hair cascading over my chest as she reached over me for my phone on the nightstand. "Call Peter. We need to go up to the ranch." She whispered harshly, handing it to me, and then she took off for her room to get dressed.

An hour and a half later, we were pulling up in front of the ranch house and Sage was flying out of the truck as usual, only this time she went the opposite direction and sped off toward the charred remains of the barn.

"What bug crawled in her ear?" Peter asked as we followed her.

I shrugged. "She woke up and just… I guess needed to see something." I frowned as she came into view next to the apple barrel on the paddock side of the barn.

"Peter," she called. "Are all of these barrels this heavy?"

He frowned at her. "Well they've got a cast-iron bottom, if that's what you're asking… to make them harder for the horses to kick over. Why?"

Sage pulled the lid off the barrel to show us it was empty. Then she threw her shoulder into the side of it and began shoving, her feet scrabbling in the dirt as she attempted to linebacker that damn thing into moving.

"Darlin', stop! You're gonna hurt yourself!" I cried, trying to pull her away, but she smacked at my hands.

"Peter, move the barrel." She commanded.

Peter grabbed the rim and tilted it forward before rolling it on its bottom rim. When he set it back down, Sage grabbed the top rim and attempted to imitate him, but couldn't get it tilted.

"Sage, what's going on?" I asked.

"I have more muscle definition than Alice." She said simply.

Peter shrugged. "That depends how you look at it… she's a dancer…"

"But _I've_ done weight training…" she argued before throwing her shoulder into it again.

"Stop." I commanded, pulling her away from the barrel. "Sage, what's in your head?"

"I'm stronger than Alice… and I can't move that barrel." She was making sense in her head… but Peter, Char, and I weren't _in_ her head. "I'm stronger than Alice." She repeated. "And I can't move the barrel… the barrel with a cast-iron bottom… that was _not_ sitting in the _middle_ of the barn when we left for the movies… the cast-iron bottom barrel that was _tipped_ over… and then all of a sudden standing up again, filled with gasoline…"

_And there's the click._

"Alice had help." I said, but then I shrugged. "James."

Peter shook his head. "James didn't realize she'd started the fire yet, remember? He threatened you with it… he didn't realize she'd already made the attempt."

"Then who?" Charlotte asked and her eyes shifted around as though the culprit would suddenly appear.

"Benjamin." Sage answered at once. We all stared at her. "It makes sense! He gets hired right before it happens… and he was working with the horses… because all the horses have a healthy level of Stranger Danger… and Alice wouldn't go near them when she was here with us… they wouldn't know her… she needed someone to get to know the horses."

I scowled at that. "Where is he?"

Peter shrugged. "I had to let him go after the fire… what was he gonna tend to? No horses here."

"Does he know where the vineyard is?" I asked quickly.

"No. And Diablo is _fine_." He assured me.

I thought a moment.

_When we went into the barn that day…_

_ Benjamin was in Diablo's stall._

"He burned Diablo… singed him." I muttered. "That explains why he was in there makin' nice with him… you don't need to be in the stall to refill the troughs."

"Jas?" Sage asked. "What's up?"

"I think he's the one who hurt D." I sighed. "I guess we need to call Detective Marcus." I pulled Sage to me and tucked her into my side. "I don't want you wandering off." I whispered into her hair. "If Benjamin is helping Alice, then he's dangerous… and I can't sit by your bedside and pray you'll wake up again… I can't do that again, Sweetheart. Do you understand me?"

"Yes." She whispered as I tilted her chin up and claimed her mouth.

Peter coughed and we broke apart to see his _I know I'm an asshole_ smirk. "Get a room."

Sage giggled. "Too late."

"I knew it!" Charlotte crowed, making us all jump. "Peter, Baby, you owe me that diamond tennis bracelet!"

"Fuck." He grumbled.

"But you _called_ me yesterday." I argued. "You acted like you knew it was gonna happen."

"Of _course_ it was gonna happen! I just thought it'd happen _today_!" and then he stalked off toward the house. "Couldn't keep your wang in the hanger for another twenty-four fuckin' hours… Jesus, Jasper!"

"Speaking of…" Sage murmured, grabbing the front of my belt. "Char, mind if we go break in that bed?" I cocked an eyebrow at her but she gave me a secret wink.

"Not at all, Sugar." Charlotte smirked and we headed off toward the house.

Once we'd locked ourselves in my room, I turned to ask her what she had up her sleeve, but she held a finger to her lips and climbed onto the bed. She seemed to be waiting for something and the longer I stood there watching, the more foolish I felt.

Finally, a floorboard creaking just outside the door alerted me to someone else's presence and Sage immediately grabbed hold of the headboard and began shaking it back and forth, rattling it against the wall.

"Oh, _Schwoogie-Muffin! Oh fuck! Oh my God, Schwoogie-Muffin! Yes! Yes! YES!_" she yelled and the sound of retreating footsteps met my ears.

"Char! Run! She's fuckin' fantasizing about me while Jasper's fuckin' her! Run! He'll probably fuckin' shoot me!"

She collapsed into giggles and I rolled my eyes and joined her on the bed. "I don't think he actually bought it… I think he was playing along. Peter can run a hell of a lot faster than that."

She snickered. "So what… maybe he won't eavesdrop now." I shrugged and leaned down to kiss her. "My shoulder hurts."

"I'm not surprised. You're not a football player, Sweetie, you're Sage… and Sage does not have shoulders that can take ramming into a barrel like that." She rolled her eyes as I kissed her again. "Come on, take off your shirt and let me get a look."

She snorted. "You just wanna get my shirt off me."

"Of course I do… and you've provided the perfect reason."

Sage sighed. "Maybe I'm not in the mood to have sex." My face fell at that. I'd been hopeful that what we'd shared last night had been a start to a new chapter in our relationship. "I'm _kidding_." She groaned before yanking on my shirt and kissing me tenderly. She sucked my lower lip into her mouth and bit it lightly.

"Don't start somethin' you can't finish." I warned her, internally groaning when I realized my voice had gone husky almost as soon as I was hard.

"I intend to _finish_." She answered, smiling at the double-meaning of her words. "The question is whether or not you're going to help me."

I groaned and began trying to undo her pants. "I wanna help." I kissed her forcefully, frustrated that I couldn't get her belt undone. Instead, I simply slid my hand under the waistband of her jeans and moaned as my fingers immediately met soft flesh. "No panties today?"

"Well, I figured we'd be getting up to something today…" she grinned mischievously. "I just figured no panties meant easier access… and maybe something to tease you with."

I pinched her clit and smiled as she bucked against my hand. "No teasing me…"

"Oh, but you can tease me?" she whispered breathlessly. I nodded. "That hardly seems fair."

I smiled and leaned down to kiss her again, but a noise outside the window made me bolt upright, my eyes narrowed.

"Jas?" I clapped a hand over her mouth, knowing I'd probably pay for it later.

_Footsteps…_

_I heard Peter go upstairs._

_I assume Char's with Peter…_

_And they both know not to go creeping._

I leaned down and put my mouth against the shell of her ear. "Sage, I want you to stay _here_. This is not like when we came home on my birthday, do you understand me?" she nodded. "I meant what I said. I won't be able to take it if something happens to you." I removed my hand from her face and gave her a quick kiss before I stood and crept down the hall.

I paused a few feet from the living room just as the screen door creaked lowly and then there was a scuffling sound, a thud, and a grunt, and I rushed forward to find Peter holding Benjamin in a sleeper hold. He had already passed out.

"Pete! Pete!" I yelled, grabbing his shoulder. "He's out, let him go. You'll kill him."

"Peter Clancy Hansen, drop him right now!" Charlotte yelled from the top of the stairs. Peter dropped him immediately.

_Clancy?_

_Wow._

_Remind me never to cross Peter's parents._

_They're fucking cruel._

And as if on cue, Sage's laughter floated down the hallway.

"Sage, come on out. _Clancy_ got him!"

"Fuck you, _Jasper_. At least my first name's normal." Peter growled.

"Hey! I like his name!" Sage defended, and I smiled as I felt her arms slide around my hips. "Scared the spinach out of me for a minute there." I grimaced at her joke, but had to smile. She'd been eating baby spinach with every meal, so it probably wasn't far from the truth.

Peter nudged Benjamin's prone form with his foot and sighed. "Baby, call the cops. If he stays here too much longer, I may fuckin' kill him."

"Why was he creeping around, do you think? Maybe coming after us? Hoping to get one of us alone?" Sage murmured.

"I guess we'll know when he wakes up." I sighed. "I guess I'm not gettin' sex now, huh?"

She smirked into my side as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "No. Decidedly not. The only thing that would kill the mood more would be Emmett."

_**Sage POV**_

Detective Marcus and two uniformed officers showed up less than fifteen minutes after Char made the call and carted Benjamin away with a promise to keep us apprised.

_Right._

_Because the boys really want to be _apprised_. They want to beat him to within an inch of his life._

Still, for now they felt at ease enough to leave Char and I alone in the house to drive up to the vineyard and check on Diablo.

"So…" Char wheedled as we sat on the porch swing.

"So… what?" I asked, knowing exactly what she was asking.

Charlotte rolled her eyes and huffed. "How _was_ it?"

"The first or the second time?" I asked, forcing Char to snicker.

"The first?"

I sighed. "Pretty much like you said. It hurt. A lot. But he was gentle and sweet." I blushed. "I mean… it felt good… once I got around the pain." She nodded. "I mean… I wasn't soaring over the Peaks of Passion or Crashing against the Rocks of Ecstasy…" I snorted a laugh. "More like traipsing over the Molehill of Meh… that was OK." Charlotte's laughter was such now that she was turning purple from lack of oxygen. I rolled my eyes. "But the second time was…"

_What _was_ the second time?_

_Amazing?_

_Fantastic?_

_Orgasmic?_

That last one was a definite.

"The second time was…?" she prompted.

I smiled. "There are no words... Amazing… doesn't seem to really fit." She snickered. "It was a different side of him that time… he was more forceful… more confident and I think that helped me too."

"The first time is always the bitch. And unless they're completely un-teachable, it gets better each time."

I snickered. "Apparently so… don't tell him what I said about the Molehill, though… he tried really hard to be gentle and he gave me mine first… you know… I guess he figured it wouldn't be all passion and pleasure for me the first time so… I don't want him worrying that I didn't like it."

Charlotte cocked her head to side and studied me for the longest time. Eventually, I became uncomfortable and shifted a bit. "You love him." She whispered.

"I do not." I answered automatically.

_That is such a lie._

_Such a fucking lie._

_If there was anyone in the world I could love, it would be Jasper._

_And it is very nearly possible that I do._

_I'm so not up for copping to it._

"OK." She replied, simply letting it drop.

_Oh yippee. Something _new_ to discuss with Doctor Cullen._

_I'm just the most mixed up bag of nuts I could possibly be._

_Goody._

_Fantastic._

_Shoot me._

The boys pulled up in Peter's truck and hopped out, stepping quickly onto the porch and leaning against the rail.

"Mom and Dad are fine." Peter told Charlotte. "Diablo's fine." He shot at me. I nodded. "It's a fuckin' good thing you're mind just _goes there_, Parsley. If you hadn't had the thought about the barrel, we'd have been thinkin' everything was hunky-dory and I might not have been waiting for him to show up." I smiled.

"We should probably get going." Jasper murmured quietly. I frowned, but he simply shrugged. "We didn't pack bags, Sweetheart, and quite frankly, I'd rather not stick around to see what clusterfuck happens next. Let's just go home, you and me, and have a quiet evening. We don't get enough of those."

_Sure… quiet…_

_Jasper doesn't want quiet._

_Jasper wants…_

_OK, even in my head, I can't be indignant because I want sex too._

Sighing, I stood and hugged Peter and Char goodbye before following Jasper to the truck, snuggling against him as he pulled away from the house.

"Jazz?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm tired of your ex-girlfriends. Don't date anyone else, OK? I can't take another psycho."

He snickered at that and kissed my hair. "Darlin', I can't date anyone else if I'm with you… besides… I may never leave my bed again after last night."

"Wow… that sucks… I really enjoyed the shower." I smiled as he adjusted himself. "Problem?"

"Huh? No."

I snorted. "Sure." And then I stretched. "My shoulder really does hurt. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to go that second round with the barrel." He immediately withdrew his arm, but I snuggled closer. "It's fine, Jazz. I can deal with the pain to be close to you." I knew he was smiling at that. I sighed and rested my cheek against his shoulder. "Fall Semester starts in a few weeks… did you sign up for classes?"

"Yeah." He shifted uncomfortably.

"Been to get your books yet?"

"Nope."

_He's hiding something…_

"What were you doing on campus with Peter yesterday if you weren't—" I stopped abruptly.

_Stupid question._

_Why the hell didn't I wonder before?_

"You went after James." I whispered and he gripped the steering wheel tighter. I sighed. "OK."

"That's it?" he asked.

_Does he want me to yell?_

_I kinda wanna yell… maybe I should…_

"Yeah. That's it." I sighed.

He spared me a quick glance. "I figured you'd be upset."

"I am." I assured him. "But you gave me a pass on not telling you about Family Group, so I'm giving you a pass on this." I squeezed his thigh. "But I meant what I said, Jazz… I don't want any more secrets between us."

_Except one very large secret…_

_Because I think I'd actually drop dead if I told him—_

_NO! NOT GOING THERE!_

He smiled and kissed my forehead. "I'd like that." He sighed and rested his cheek against my forehead, but I could feel the frown forming. "What about… whatever you aren't ready to talk to me about?"

"That's not a secret. You know there are issues I need to work through."

"That sounds heavily like a caveat."

"It's the truth. You can't rush recovery… you can't make me talk to you before I'm ready or it could set me back… make me shut down."

"That sounds heavily like a threat."

I shook my head. "Jas, what were you telling me yesterday?" he quirked an eyebrow at me. "We're in this together, right? You have a stake in my recovery?" he nodded. "Then don't push. Let me work my recovery.

He growled in frustration but let it drop.

When we arrived home, Jasper drew me a hot bath and left me to soak while he made me some tea and then sat on the counter, smiling at me.

"You're making me feel self-conscious." I chastised as his eyes roved over my body.

"Don't."

I rolled my eyes. "Right. I'm very at ease now." I groaned, sinking further into the steaming water.

He frowned. "You don't want me to look at you?"

I shrugged. "It's a bit new… it makes me worry what you think when you look at me."

His smile returned and he hopped off the counter to sit beside the tub. "_Beautiful_ comes to mind quite frequently." He admitted, leaning over the edge to kiss me softly. "But it's not new… I've always thought that about you." I rolled my eyes. "_Sexy_ is fairly recent, but no less true." He continued, and his eyes took on a faraway look for a moment. When he came back to me, he was smiling. "_Perfect_ is also fairly recent… mostly since I only just saw you completely naked for the first time last night." He chuckled as I splashed water at him in offense. He reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "I'm not thinking anything bad when I watch you, Sage." He murmured. "Believe me… they're all good thoughts… not entirely _appropriate_, some of them are pretty crude." I laughed at his admission. "But they're good thoughts." And then he sighed. "I like to look at you… is that so bad?"

I shrugged. "No… it's just new. I'm not used to it."

He rolled his eyes. "Just because you never noticed men looking doesn't mean they weren't."

I couldn't help the grin then. "What about _you_?"

Jasper's eyes widened. "You've never asked me how long before." He whispered. I shrugged. "I've been looking for a while, Sage."

"How long?" I asked, curiosity piqued.

Jasper's cheeks flamed and his eyes fell. "I… let everyone but Peter think you were my girl… not just my Pen Pal."

_Wow…_

_Maybe I…_

Sighing, I leaned over the edge and ran my fingers through his hair, smiling when he raised his eyes to me. "Everyone used to ask me if you were my boyfriend, and if that's why I was always writing and sending care packages… and I never told them _no_." it was my turn to blush and then I slid down under the water for a moment to hide my embarrassment. When I surfaced again, Jasper was smiling.

"We're idiots."

"Yes. Yes, we are."

He frowned then and I followed his gaze to my shoulder, grimacing at the purpled blotches that were finally appearing. Instead of dwelling, however, I busied myself with getting clean before pulling the plug and climbing out of the tub.

Jasper wrapped my nice, fluffy towel around me and proceeded to dry me off, even though I snarked that I could do it myself. When he was done, I headed for my room, but he stopped me immediately, snatching me around the waist and carrying me back to his room and laying me on the bed.

He stripped quickly and climbed up to me, pressing his mouth to mine in a fevered kiss as he settled himself between my legs. His erection pressed into my thigh and I smiled as his fingers made their way down to stroke me, but then the pain hit me and I winced.

"Shit!" I whispered hoarsely and he immediately pulled away.

"I'm sorry! What—"

"It's OK." I assured him, gasping at the pain radiating between my legs. "Goddamn…" I let my head fall backward. "I guess I'm a little sore… I wasn't even paying attention with everything else going on today."

"That, and you're shoulder probably distracted you." He murmured, climbing up again and laying beside me. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

I smiled. "Jas, it's normal. It happens." I pulled him down to kiss me. "I just don't think we'll be playing tonight." I bit my lip nervously, but he only smiled and kissed me again.

"Just lay with me. Let me feel you." He murmured, drawing the blankets over us.

I snickered as he curled himself around me. "You're really bad at this sex-crazed guy thing, you know that?"

He gently bit my good shoulder before kissing my neck. "More like Sage-crazed. The sex is just a _really_ fucking good bonus." He kissed my shoulder. "Sleep."

I woke up the next morning feeling much better, though my shoulder still ached quite a bit. Jasper was nowhere to be found, however, and it was only after sitting up and stretching that I heard the shower.

Climbing out of bed, I padded quietly into the bathroom and opened the shower stall. I smiled, admiring the way his tanned skin stretched and contracted over the muscles in his arms and back as he moved, and then without warning, I was being dragged under the spray, shrieking.

"You let cold air in, you crazy?" he laughed, kissing me softly. "What were you looking at?"

"You." I answered easily. "I like to look at you." I smiled as his fingertips ghosted over my breasts and down my sides before he gripped my hips and pulled me closer.

"How are you feeling this morning?" he whispered before kissing me again.

"Decidedly less sore." I murmured.

"That's good."

"That's very good." I agreed. No sooner had the words left my mouth, than he pinned me against the wall and pressed into me, kissing me fiercely.

We made love until long after the water ran cold and continued into the afternoon in Jasper's bed.

_Made love?_

_LOVE?_

_Is that what we're doing?_

_I don't know…_

_And I'm not about to admit—_

_Just. Shut. Up._

_Simple._

_Fuck._

By the time Emmett and Rosalie arrived home, Jasper was laying on his bed with a book while I pretended to be going over my notes for the final exam for my Photography class. Emmett checked on me before I went to sleep that night, and then I snuck into Jasper's room for a few stolen kisses before returning to my bed.

_**End Note: Teasers for reviewers **___


	39. Raining On Sunday

_**A/N: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own Sage. That's about it.**_

_**If you've ever played World of Warcraft, or know anyone who has or does, you may get the Leroy Jenkins joke. If you don't, go to youtube and look it up.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult situations, themes, content, and lemons. Read at own risk.**_

_**Thanks as always to RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 for pre-reading.**_

_**Thanks and puppies to HammerHips for being my Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

Chapter 38: Raining On Sunday

_And your kiss is like the innocence  
Of a prayer nailed to a door  
Oh surrender is much sweeter  
When we both let it go  
Let the water wash our bodies clean  
And love wash our souls_

-"Raining On Sunday" by Keith Urban

_**Sage POV**_

"This is the box, I think." I called over my shoulder as I yanked the flaps open and began sifting through. "Yup. It is." I squatted and sat back on my heels as Jasper sunk down next to me and began rifling through.

"Seriously? All this was my dad's?"

I shrugged. "Some's your mom's." I pulled out a mini manila envelope with a pencil written inscription: _JW/AW WB_. I handed it to him.

"What is it?" he asked suspiciously.

"Your parents wedding bands… and I think you're mom's engagement ring is in there too. They came that way, but I didn't feel right opening it up and looking."

He slit the envelope open and dumped the contents into his palm. Sure enough, there were two gold bands and a square-cut diamond solitaire ring. He smiled, running his thumb over them before sighing and putting them back in the envelope and putting the envelope in his pocket.

I stirred the contents and withdrew my hand again. "_These_ were your grandfather's, I believe… and he handed them down to your dad… and your dad would've handed them down to you." I handed him a pair of gold cufflinks with the letter _W_ engraved on them. "And… somewhere…" I looked around the storage unit. "Somewhere here there's a hat box." I got up and started sifting through the boxes in search while Jasper continued picking through the box I'd already produced. I shifted several boxes aside and found what I was looking for.

It was large, for a hat box, but I had to take what I could get and I'd needed a big one. I hadn't wanted to dump the contents of that other box on top of the contents of this one, knowing it'd be important to Jasper. I picked up the blue box and took it back to where he was sitting, handing it to him as I crouched back down.

He cocked an eyebrow at me before removing the lid and sifting through the tissue paper and cedar blocks I'd put in to help protect his father's worn black Stetson.

Jasper sucked in a deep breath before pulling it out. "Where in the world did she find this? I searched for it for _ages_." He whispered, plopping it on his head and adjusting it.

I shrugged. "I don't know… It turned up in the mail one day with a note asking me to keep it safe for you… I hope you don't mind the smell of cedar… I was trying to keep moths at bay."

He simply smiled at me. "I love it." He chuckled then and said, "I can't believe you went to all the trouble of hoarding my dad's stuff for me."

I shrugged. "It's important to you. That made it important to me."

For a moment, he looked as though he might lean across the box and kiss me, but it all went up in smoke as Rosalie and Emmett rounded the corner. We both rolled our eyes.

We'd done our best to escape their clutches this morning, but as soon as Rosalie had heard we'd be looking for the box containing Jasper's dad's things, she'd wanted to tag along. We'd almost been forced to ride in the Jeep with them, but Emmett finally caved when Jasper made up some lie about possibly having to stop by campus to clear up some registration error. I knew it was bogus, but I was glad we weren't stuck with Rose and Emmett for the drive. Even though we couldn't hug or kiss, we were at least able to get away with holding hands on the seat between us.

Rose smiled at Jasper. "John's old Stetson looks good on you, Jazz…" he beamed at her and then her eyes fell on me and her eyebrows shot up. I blinked several times, attempting to appear innocent (for who the hell knows what reason), but she never said a word.

Emmett's phone went off a moment later and he answered it. "Hey Leroy, what's up?" Ah. Emmett's and Rose's boss, Leroy Jenkins, was an idiot of the worst kind. I'd swear he'd run into a room full of danger just to get his friends killed. "Yeah, I can come in… I'll be there in an hour." He hung up and turned to us. "A couple police cruisers need the oil changed and a tune up. You'll be alright catching a ride with them?" he asked Rose while nodding at us. She simply nodded. "Great. Don't wait dinner. Leroy wants me to pick up chicken on the way."

I rolled my eyes. Leroy Jenkins had a thing for chicken. You could've told him his mother was dead of some horrible dragon attack and he'd be fine so long as he had chicken. Yup. Leroy was _special_.

We heard the Jeep start and then crunch gravel and then Rosalie turned to exchange a look with Jasper. They seemed to be communicating silently, but his face was impassive. She glanced at me and back at him, but he still gave nothing away.

Finally, she looked at me and said, "You've had sex."

I froze. So did Jasper. She was staring at me, so there was no mistaking who she was making the comment about.

I snorted and silently cursed the blood rising in my cheeks. "What are you talking about, Rose?" I asked, thankful that my voice sounded more level and indignant than I could ever have prayed for.

She quirked an eyebrow at me. "You've. Had. Sex." She spared Jasper a look. "Did you know about this?"

"Rose, leave her alone." Jasper warned.

She sighed. "Sage, were you safe? Are you dating him? What's his history?"

I stood immediately and made to leave, but she blocked my exit. "Move or I will make you move, Rosalie Hale." I growled. For a moment, she actually looked scared, but when she didn't move, I shoved her out of the way and stormed off to the truck.

I don't know how long I sat there, but as I did, my emotions flipped between rage, humiliation, and panic. What if it wasn't Jasper? What if it was someone else? She would've just aired my personal business in front of him.

_Except she assumes that I've told Jasper._

_Pfft._

_That would never happen. Remember how he acted about Michael?_

_But it _is_ Jasper._

_Does it really matter that she called me on it?_

_Yes. She'll tell Emmett._

_My life is about to suck out loud._

_In surround sound._

Jasper opened the driver's side door and allowed Rosalie to climb into the back before putting the boxes in next to her and sliding into position. I was in the passenger seat, curled in on myself like some pathetic lump. I didn't meet his eyes. I couldn't.

We were silent the entire drive and I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't notice until we stopped that we hadn't been headed home. We were outside the garage Emmett and Rose worked at. Jasper let her out and then climbed back in and we were off again.

"Rose decided to go in and help with the engine tune ups." He answered the question I had yet to ask. I didn't say anything. "She's not going to say anything to Emmett." He promised me. I rolled my eyes. "She won't… She swore to me."

"She knows, doesn't she?"

"No. She doesn't know _we_ are sleeping together." He sighed. "But there's no convincing her you're not sleeping with _someone_. She said she can just _tell_… whatever the hell that means."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Do I seem different to you?"

He smiled a little as I unbuckled myself and slid into my usual spot. "No." he answered as I fastened my seatbelt. "Well… not _physically_… but things _are_ different with us now… so you aren't the same old Sage you were even six months ago… and I'm not the same old Jasper."

"You're not so different." I fibbed. He shot me a look that told me he knew I was lying. I smiled and melted into him. "You're more confident… when we're together, you're confident and commanding… but you're still Jasper. Still gentle and sweet."

"And you've become more confident, too." He murmured. "Which is probably what Rosalie is seeing: a confident woman."

"_I'm_ more confident?" I asked incredulously.

_When did that happen?_

_Probably while I was pressed up against the shower wall… that's where a lot of interesting stuff happens._

_Yeah… Back to our regularly scheduled show…_

I needn't have pushed the thoughts away, Jasper's next statement pretty much sucker punched me: "They're going to find out eventually."

I sighed. "Not right now, they won't."

"But they will eventually."

"I know." I murmured. "But I'd like to keep us just _us_ for a bit longer."

He parked in his spot in front of the house and shut off the truck, but his hands still gripped the steering wheel. After several long moments, he took a breath and asked, "How _much_ longer?"

I sat up and turned to face him, but he was staring straight ahead, his jaw set. "I don't know… until I have a car and a means of escaping Emmett?"

"That could be months."

"So?"

He closed his eyes and took another breath. "I'm just tired of having to hide out… in our rooms… up in Napa… I can't just kiss you whenever I feel like it. I can't… tease you or touch you whenever I want to and it's really starting to piss me off."

"Jazz, you tease me all the time."

_That's not what he means._

"That's _not_ what I mean, and you know it."

_Told ya._

"Jasper, I don't want to lose you, OK? For the first time in my _life_ I have something that is completely mine… something that Emmett can't take, scare off, or forbid me… but he _can_ ruin this."

"I promised you I wouldn't let him."

I pulled his mouth to mine for a too-short kiss. "Nine years of him ruining things tells me I can't rely solely on you… and I _need_ you to be all-in this with me."

He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "That's not fair, Sage, and you know it. Being in a _relationship_ with me cannot be compared to—"

"To what? Preserving the relationship and protecting it from my brother?" I cut across him. I sighed. "Jasper, please don't give up on me now…"

"I'm not giving up on you. I couldn't. And you know that." He whispered, pressing his forehead to mine.

I smiled and pulled him into another kiss. "We've got an hour, at least." I murmured against his lips. "Take me to bed."

He groaned. "Evil. Using sex to get what you want…" but his lips found that sensitive spot on my neck as his hand slid down to my belt.

I giggled. "Well… you're already giving me what I want. I just figured you might like to have sex… but I'm not fucking you in the truck, Jasper, so get your hand off my belt like you think I'm gonna mount you right here."

"But you _will_ mount me…" he murmured, burying his face into my neck.

"If we _hurry_… we can't guarantee how much time we have…" I was glancing around nervously. As titillating as it was to think of possibly getting caught by the neighbors, I was _not_ ready to have one of them blab to Emmett that they'd seen me making out with the man who shared my bathroom… the man I'd been working tirelessly to convince Emmett I did _not_ have feelings for. "Jasper, please…" I whined as his lips found mine again.

He growled in frustration. "Fine. Hurry." He sighed. "Always in a hurry." But he helped me out of the truck and we practically ran full-tilt into the house and down to Jasper's room.

No sooner had I shut the door behind us than he had me pinned against it, attacking my neck as he yanked my spaghetti-strap tank up over my head.

"Shit. No bra? Again?" he murmured as he let me remove his shirt.

I poked my tongue out between my teeth. "I know you like that."

"I do." He ducked his head and sucked a nipple into his mouth while he worked on getting my belt undone. Once he'd rid me of my pants, he lifted me up and carried me to the bed, laying me down as he kissed me deeply. "God, I think you should just be naked all the time." He murmured, hooking his thumbs into my panties and pulling them down.

"Mmm… but then if that were the case, I'd get stared at… by a _lot_ of men."

"True. Screw that. Can we dress you up like a nun and you can just be naked for me?"

"I'm always only naked for you." I kissed him quickly.

He smiled and shook his head. "Not when you're in the shower."

I laughed. "Jas, you realize the last _five_ showers I've taken, you've been in there with me?"

Jasper began undoing his belt and fly, still grinning. "You wouldn't let me touch you then… you just let me get in with you."

"But I was still naked for _you_." I argued, biting my lip as his cock sprang free of his boxers. He laid down on top of me, supporting his weight on his forearms, while I pulled his mouth to mine. "Besides, I was in a hurry… I couldn't give you the proper attentions."

"Give me the proper attentions now." He whispered, slipping his hand between my legs and palming me. "So wet… I've barely touched you." He pushed two fingers into me and began pumping as my back arched against him.

_Fucking. Love. This._

"Fuck, Jasper!" I cried as his thumb began circling my clit. "God, don't stop!" I felt that delicious build in my stomach reaching its peak, but Jasper quickly removed his fingers and I let out a keen of protest.

"Shhh." He whispered, lining himself up with my entrance. "I think you'll appreciate this a bit more, don't you?" I nodded and he thrust into me as I cried out.

_Fucking. Love. This. More._

There was no pretense, no slow start for us. Jasper and I had been rushed in most of our more intimate encounters because we were stealing moments when Emmett was either just upstairs, or we weren't sure when he would be home. Our slow, savored moments were when he and Rose were out of town… but we couldn't afford that now, and Jasper set the pace accordingly.

His lips were at my neck again as he shifted one arm and hooked my knee over his shoulder, allowing him a deeper angle. The effect was instantaneous as I gasped out his name and came. A few more thrusts and he shuddered his release, kissing me passionately as he came down from the high.

When we were breathing normally, he rolled off me and the bed and pulled me along with him. "Shower with me." He breathed.

"Don't I always?" I teased as he turned the water on and pulled me in with him.

He gave me a smug grin and kissed me, pulling me flush against his body. "This is the only time we get for this… just us… I'd like to make it as romantic and special as possible, but unfortunately circumstances won't allow that… so don't make fun, Sweetheart."

"I'm not making fun." I murmured as his tongue traced my collarbone. I let my eyes slide closed as his hands found my hips.

_And of course, Emmett has timing…_

"Sage!" Emmett yelled through my door. Jasper immediately ducked to his knees behind the blue screen on the shower door.

"What?" I yelled back.

The bathroom door opened and Emmett poked his head in.

_Of course. He loves the screen. It's really easy to invade my privacy with it._

"I'm leaving in ten minutes to go get Bella. Do you wanna go?"

"What happened to the cruisers?" I asked.

"They were taking too long. Leroy's working them alone. Do you wanna go?"

I almost gave us away. Jasper was nipping at my inner thighs, his hands gripping my rear. "Uh…" Jasper's tongue found my center and snapped me out of it. "No! Uh… I'm good… I've got some cleaning to do before she gets here… Is Rose making dinner?"

"No. She's going with me. We'll stop and pick something up."

"OK." I grabbed a hank of Jasper's hair and pulled, forcing him to stop. As soon as the door closed behind him, I dropped to my knees while Jasper simply smiled at me. "_So _not cool!" I hissed.

"You loved it." He argued.

"You're horrible."

"You love that, too." He smirked.

_I love a lot of things about…_

_Nevermind._

_Moving on._

I settled for glaring at him as I stood and began washing myself off.

"Don't do that…" he whined, standing with me. "I like it when you smell like me." He kissed my neck again.

It was my turn to smirk. "I like it too… but I can't say that Emmett would feel the same." He rolled his eyes. "Don't be indignant. You just tongue-teased me while he was here!" I smacked his stomach as he laughed. "I _almost_ gave us away!"

"But you didn't."

I rolled my eyes. "Jas, that is _so_ not the point and you know it."

_**Jasper POV**_

"You've. Had. Sex." Rose shot me a look. "Did you know about this?"

"Rose, leave her alone." I'd meant for my tone to sound more dangerous, but Rosalie's my sister, after all. It's a little difficult to threaten a sister.

She heaved sighed. "Sage, were you safe? Are you dating him? What's his history?"

Sage stood suddenly and tried to leave, but Rose blocked the door. "Move or I will make you move, Rosalie Hale." For a moment, Rose looked worried, but she refused to move, and Sage shoved her out of the way and left.

"Did you have to fuckin' do that?" I asked. "Weren't you just bitchin' a month ago how _nothing_ is hers and she has _no_ secrets and then you go pulling _that_ shit on her?" I snarled.

Rosalie appraised me for a moment before answering. "_That_ is different, and you know it. Jazz, do you even know the guy? Does he treat her OK? Is she safe with him?"

_Fuck yes._

"She's as safe with him as she would be with me." I answered truthfully. I sighed then, and stood. "Rose, you can't tell Emmett. If he finds out, you know he'll fly off the handle… you might as well lock Sage in prison, because you know Emmett'll never let her out of his sight."

"Maybe that's best…" she murmured.

"Rosalie!" I barked, making her jump. "You and I… we've always had issues. Most of the time, I never cared when you ignored me. I didn't care when you stopped _acknowledging_ me after I took the belt for you." She winced and I could see the tears already forming in her eyes. I knew Rosalie felt guilty about that. "But I swear to fuckin' God, you'll make an enemy of me if you run and tattle on her. Sage deserves better. She deserves her privacy. She's safe. I know him, he's good to her… and you _know_ I'd put a stop to it if he weren't." she stared at me. "I mean it, Rosalie Lillian Hale. Keep your nose _out_ of Sage's business or you and I are gonna have a bloodbath." Her face fell at that, but she nodded. "Swear it."

"I swear, Jasper. I won't tell."

"Good." I groaned and sighed. "How the hell did you know, anyhow?"

She shrugged and gave me a small smile. "I can just tell…"

"Sure you can."

Thankfully, the next few hours went a lot better… well… Aside from nearly getting caught in the shower with Sage. I wasn't opposed to a showdown with Emmett over my relationship, but I'd at least have liked to have been clothed when it happened.

_And possibly armed._

_Emmett fights dirty when it comes to Sage._

By the time Emmett, Rose, and Bella got back, Sage and I were both showered and dressed and perfectly innocent looking… except for the bite mark I left on Sage's inner right thigh.

_I left a mark… I left a mark…_

Every time I thought of it, I started smiling like an idiot, which earned me a few good smacks from Sage. She knew _exactly_ what I was thinking about.

"So Bella, you ready for school to start back up?" I asked as Sage divided beef in green curry sauce between our plates.

"Yeah, I can't wait." She beamed. "I'm having a lot of fun in the Literature program. There are a few professors I really love it and it's quite a challenge." She stared at me for a moment. "What about you, Jasper? I don't think I know what you're majoring in?"

"History." I answered. She simply nodded. "Sage and I were thinking about heading up to Napa this weekend… do some riding. Would you like to come?"

Emmett held up a hand. "Hang on now, family's in town… Maybe we shouldn't be running off to Napa?" he gave Sage a pointed look. "Maybe Bella wants to spend the weekend with Edward… Maybe Sage wants to spend time with Bella."

I was about to retort when Sage's leg touched mine; our secret signal. "It's OK, Jazz. We'll go to Napa another time." She murmured quietly.

_Say WHAT?_

Sage and I had been planning an escape to Napa for the past week. Why now, of all times, was she backing down so easily? She'd said Bella would probably want to spend the weekend with Edward, which would leave us with no entertaining to do…

She gave me a _we'll talk about it later_ look and went back to her food.

I had no idea _when_ we would talk about it. Sage said that Bella wouldn't snitch on her, but did that mean Bella knew the entire story? Would Bella care? The way she kept watching me, analyzing me, told me she knew… I just hoped Sage could truly trust her.

Hours later I was locked in my room. Sage and Bella had gone to bed an hour before me, but I'd heard them whispering and talking while I brushed my teeth. I was reading in bed when my bathroom door opened and Sage wandered in. A quick glance at the clock told me it was three AM. Emmett's bed-check was usually around two-thirty.

She closed the door behind her and immediately climbed onto the bed, straddling my hips. I tried to ignore her, but of course, as always, my body was hyper-aware of her proximity and reacted accordingly. She smiled and I continued to pretend to ignore her while her hands rubbed my thighs.

After what seemed like an age, I finally caved and asked, "Something I can do for you, Sweetie?"

"You're angry." She murmured.

"I'm not angry…" I sighed. "_Upset_ would be a better word… I thought you _wanted_ to go away with me this weekend… not have to sneak around."

"I do." She smiled sadly. "But part of me doesn't."

_Why do I feel like my dick's about to get slapped again?_

"Explain."

She sighed. "Jazz, do you realize _every_ time we've gone to Napa, _something_ has gone wrong?"

_Yes…_

"Not _everything_ goes wrong." I argued.

"I know not _everything_ goes wrong." She sighed. "But _something_ always does… and I think maybe it's kind of soured the place for me." Her eyes fell at that and she sighed. "The problems are not all within me, some are environmental… and if I can't change the environment, I change how I _react_ to the environment."

_Shit._

"But you _can_ change the environment, so you're choosing to." I sighed and she nodded. "I get it… it just sucks because it's the one place we don't have to hide."

She took my book and set it aside before laying across my chest and kissing me. "I'm not saying we won't _ever_ go back, Jazz… just maybe let things calm down a bit? Last time we stayed out there, I almost lost you. I'm not quite ready to face that again."

My brow furrowed. "Sage, you're not gonna lose me… for one thing there's no barn left for me to get stuck and nearly burned alive in." she rolled her eyes. "I understand… it just still sucks."

Sage smiled and kissed me again. "Maybe I could make it up to you?"

_Oh… that's such an open-ended offer…_

_So many ways to take that question…_

_So many ways to answer it…_

_So many things to ask for…_

I hadn't even answered her, but she was pressing open-mouthed kisses across my chest, over my neck, and I reacted immediately, grabbing her hips and grinding into her.

"No." she chided, removing my hands, even as I whined. She rolled her eyes and kissed my mouth. "Jas, if you'd stop getting impatient before I've even started, this would go a whole lot smoother… and I'm already nervous. You're not helping me."

_The fuck's she nervous about?_

She was removing my sweatpants. I never bothered sleeping in a shirt anymore. She'd take it off anyhow, even if we were only snuggling. I tried to pull at her bra, but she smacked my hand away and shot me a stern look as she tossed my pants over her shoulder.

"Aren't you going to tell me—" my voice died in my throat as she went back to kissing my chest, moving progressively lower, and it dawned on me exactly what she had planned. "Sweetheart, you don't have—" she shot me another look and I quieted.

Her eyes locked with mine as she wrapped one hand around the base of my shaft and kissed the head. I moaned immediately and she'd barely even touched me. Before I could do much more than breath, she'd taken me into her mouth and began stroking me with her tongue, bobbing her head up and down on my cock.

"Fuck! Sage, oh fuck! Fuck!" I groaned. My hands immediately found their way into her hair, guiding her pace. I nearly came on the spot when she hummed her amusement and it reverberated through every nerve ending in my body. She was using her hand to stroke what she couldn't get into her mouth and massaging my balls with the other. The entire experience was surreal.

For one thing, my first sex dream that involved Sage was almost exactly the scenario I now found myself in… but in the dream, it didn't feel nearly as good.

I jumped a little as her teeth barely grazed my shaft and my balls tightened immediately. "Sage, Baby, please… Please… I'm gonna—" she slapped my thigh just hard enough to make me shut up and continued sucking, stroking, and before I could garner the strength to warn her again, I was moaning through my release, stroking her hair as I shot my seed into her mouth. She swallowed every drop, allowing me to get my breathing under control before she moved.

_That was…_

_Fucking amazing._

"Was that OK?" she asked quietly.

_Is she serious?_

I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back up so that I could kiss her magic mouth. "Unbelievable." I murmured. "Where the hell did you learn to do that?"

The blush that crept into her cheeks had me instantly hard again, and she bit her lip before answering, "You've never seen me deep throat a popsicle." I felt the color drain from my face. "It's a little-known talent… plus, Char's been giving me gory details on pretty much _everything_." She shook her head. "P.S… I'm never spanking you with a paddle while you call me Mistress… I just don't think it's my thing."

I had to laugh at that. "Deal." I sighed and kissed her again, softer, lazier than what we'd been allowed recently. "That was amazing… but you didn't have to do that you know."

She quirked an eyebrow at me. "Are you saying you didn't enjoy it?"

"Oh, I enjoyed it plenty."

"Then don't complain." She kissed me again. "Besides, I wanted to. I like making you feel good."

"But what about me making _you_ feel good?" I asked, cupping her ass. She poked her tongue out at me, but didn't answer. "I'm not getting anymore tonight, am I?" she shook her head. "This was just about me, wasn't it?" she nodded. "That's not fair."

Sage shrugged. "Do you realize you called me _Baby_ tonight?" I cocked an eyebrow at her. "You did… it's the second time you've called me that."

_When was the first time?_

"When was the first time?"

She was tracing the scar on my right shoulder. I'd quickly realized that while it was one of the ugliest to me, she favored it. Her fingers always came back to it. "After Royce attacked us… when you found me sitting by the stairs."

"I thought you were in shock."

"I was. But I was seeing and hearing everything… it just wasn't really registering at the time."

_Where's she going with this?_

"OK… so why do you bring it up? Do you not like me calling you—"

"No, I do…" she grinned sheepishly and shrugged. "I think you call me that when you're feeling particularly vulnerable in a way… before, you couldn't get me to respond to you, which, let's face it, I always do." I nodded a little. "And just now… you're OK with focusing strictly on me," she quirked an eyebrow and I smiled at the memory of the hours I'd spent _focusing_ on her. "But when I try to put the focus entirely on you, you get nervous… you tried to stop me." She frowned. "For some reason, you're not OK being vulnerable with me."

"I am." I insisted. "I just…"

_OK, get yourself out of this one, Jazz._

_Fast._

_Please._

I shifted uncomfortably. "You caught me off-guard, is all." She stared at me for a long time. I'd never felt so uncomfortable having those sea foam eyes boring into mine. "Stop looking at me like you don't believe me."

"But I don't believe you." She whispered.

I sighed. "Honestly, Darlin'. I was just taken by surprise." I pulled her into a sweet kiss. "Believe me, that was better than I ever could've imagined…" I gave a nervous laugh. "And believe me, I've dreamed of having you do that."

_**End Note: I like reviews. I send teasers if I get them.**_


	40. Blessed

_**A/N: I still don't own it.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult content, themes, and lemons.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 for pre-reading.**_

_**HammerHips kicks Schwoogie-Muffin ass.**_

_*****So a few people asked how Rose would KNOW that Sage was having sex, yet not know that it's with Jasper. I'm feeling particularly gracious because the Sneaky Snarky Subs have become my friends and I get ego-strokes from them fairly regularly *snicker*, so here's the answer:**_

_**When Rosalie left home, she did NOT go back. Ever. So for the past 6 years, she's been around Sage a LOT, significantly more than she's been around Jasper in the intervening years. Because of who Sage is, coupled with her therapy, everything is stripped and laid bare, so when there's a drastic change in her attitude, Rosalie notices. Whereas, with Jasper, he's much better at hiding his lack of confidence, and unlike Sage, Rose can't read him as easily.**_

Chapter 39: Blessed

_Hey you, you're a child in my head  
You haven't walked yet  
Your first words have yet to be said  
But I swear you'll be blessed  
I know you're still just a dream  
your eyes might be green  
Or the bluest that I've ever seen  
Any way you'll be blessed_

-"Blessed" by Elton John

_**Sage POV**_

The week crawled by; thankfully, Bella kept her word and didn't rat me out to Emmett. She had asked plenty of questions, though, and refused to let some things drop… such as what kind of lover Jasper was (I couldn't help but like the sound of that… Jasper was my _lover_).

Emmett and Rose were off work at a decent hour every night, much to Jasper's and my chagrin. It left little time for intimacy. When I wasn't in therapy, Bella and I were hanging around cooking and baking. On Wednesday, I managed to drag her out to the Triple K to see Jasper and Garrett before I dropped her off at the garage for a date with Ed_weird_. Since Rose and Emmett also had plans that evening, I simply went home and waited for Jasper.

Unfortunately, I fell asleep and didn't realize he'd come home until he was stroking my hair and whispering nonsense to me. I simply smiled, grabbed his hand, and kissed his palm.

"Hi." I murmured.

"Hi." He whispered.

"Time?"

"Late. Garrett took Maiden's backs square to the chest."

My eyes popped open. "Is he OK?" I sat up and tried to get off the bed, but Jasper pulled me into his lap.

"He's fine… Kate met him at the hospital and called me to let me know his X-rays were clear. No worries." He placed a soft kiss on my neck. "Rosalie called me to let me know that she and Emmett are staying out at the Bayview tonight for a romantic night… and Bella is… where?"

I frowned. "Where is Bella?" I grabbed my cell phone off the nightstand and flipped through until I found a text from Bella.

_**Staying with Edward tonight. Don't wait up.**_

"Bella… is with Edward." I answered.

"Be still, my heart." He snarked. "Do you mean to tell me we've got this _entire_ house to ourselves?" He murmured, pulling me into a searing kiss.

"Jas, no…" I whispered. "I don't think I can tonight… I'm really sore."

"That's OK." But then he raised an eyebrow. "You haven't been sore in weeks."

I snorted a laugh. "Jas, do you realize how much _frantic_ sex we've been having? There's only so much my girly bits can take."

He groaned and buried his face in my shoulder. "I have been a bit rougher than usual."

"I'm not complaining about you being rough. I enjoy that… it's just the rather… _frantic_ as opposed to _tantric_ pace that has my legs crossed." There was a smirk playing on his lips as he lifted me and carried me into the bathroom. "What are we doing?" I asked as he set me on the counter.

Jasper kissed me quickly before plugging up the tub and turning the water on. "_We_ are taking a bath." He returned to me and began undressing me. "We'll spend a nice night together… just us…" he pulled my shirt up over my head and pressed his lips to mine as he unhooked my bra. "Maybe… maybe you'll stay with me tonight?"

I unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. "Maybe…" I teased, reaching down to his belt. "Maybe not…" he growled at me. "It depends."

"On?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I just like being difficult." I snickered.

"Yes. Yes, you do." He sighed as he shimmied my pants off my hips and down my legs. "But I kinda like that." My panties soon joined my jeans. I got his belt, zipper, and button undone and slid his jeans down. As soon as he rid himself of his boxers, he picked me up again and set me in the tub before climbing in behind me. He sighed contentedly and stroked my hair as I rested against him. "This is the best part of my day… coming home to you."

"Even when I'm being a pain in the ass?"

"Even when." He chuckled. "I come home to you every day. Even the day I came home from Iraq, I was coming home to you." He kissed my hair.

We sat in silence for several moments, me every so often planting a soft kiss on Jasper's neck, and Jasper bending and stretching the fingers on my since-healed hand.

"Jazz?"

"Hmm?"

I took a deep breath. I'd wanted to start slow with the things I needed to know from him. I'd started on the letter Doctor Cullen had suggested I write, but part of me wanted to move past the shield our letters had always provided. I needed to be open and honest about my needs, and I needed Jasper to understand that.

_Do it._

_ The worst he can say is that he doesn't want to talk about it._

_ He could get angry…_

_ That's a very real possibility… Is it worth it?_

_ Uh… yes?_

"Where'd you go, Space Case?" he whispered, kissing the burn scar.

I took another deep breath, let it out, and asked, "How did your mom die?" I closed my eyes as though that simple act would save me from an explosion.

Instead of blowing up at the question though, he took a deep breath and said, "I was afraid you'd ask that one day."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I whispered.

"I do want to… I just… I don't know, I guess you're never _really_ prepared, you know?" I nodded as he laced his fingers with mine before pulling the injured palm to his mouth again. "She killed herself."

Simple. Succinct.

Like most things about our relationship.

_Not all things… let's make that one clear._

"Because of David?" I asked timidly and I felt him shrug.

"Part of me thinks it was more because of me." He answered quietly. "She spent the night I took the belt bandaging me up… making excuses for him." He shook his head. "And I told her right then that a real mother would never sacrifice her children to keep a roof over her head."

"You were right."

"I know that… but I was a pretty fucked up kid after that. I made a point of walking around without a shirt on for _months_… any chance I had to remind her of what he did to me, I took it… and then one day I came home from school and she was laying on the living room floor with my dad's old revolver and a bullet in her temple."

Simple. Succinct.

He was detaching. I knew he needed to or it would all come crashing down on both of us.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have asked, Jazz."

His arms snaked around me at that comment and held me tight. "You had every right to ask and every right to know. I should've told you sooner… I was just scared to. And I didn't think you wanted to know."

"Everyone acted like it wasn't right to ask… so I just never did." I murmured as he kissed my forehead.

"You can always ask me anything." He told me.

_We'll see about that when you get the letter._

_ Yeah… I have a feeling that's going to be a very bad day for all involved._

_ Maybe I should schedule a special session with Doctor Cullen…_

_ Maybe I should lock him in a room with Doctor Cullen and go hide._

_ Haha. The two men who refuse to let me hide, locked in a room so I can do just that._

"Hey, come back again." He murmured.

"Sorry." I felt the blood creeping up my neck and into my face. "Just… thinking."

"I gathered." He mocked, rubbing my right arm. Ever since Emmett had grabbed me, Jasper had made a habit of touching my right upper arm… just like he was now constantly kissing the burn scar on my palm… almost as though he was apologizing to my body for the damage it had sustained over the past year. "You wanna tell me why?"

"No." I sighed. "I wanna wash up and get out of this tepid bathwater." I smirked as his chest vibrated with silent laughter.

"Thank fuck. You were comfortable, so I didn't want to move, but I'm startin' to freeze." but then his right hand brushed across my nipples and I felt him smirk into my neck. "OK, maybe you're cold too."

I smirked and made quick work of washing up before climbing out and allowing Jasper to do the same. Once we were dry, we climbed into his bed and settled ourselves in for sleep.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

I sighed and kissed his chest, snuggling closer. "That was one of my issues." He didn't reply, simply pulled me closer and kissed my hair.

I drove Jasper to work the next day before Group and then swung by to pick him up when I was done.

"Peter called. He and Char are on their way down for a visit… apparently Char made friends with Bella over Thanksgiving?" he sounded unsure and I snickered. "You knew?" I shrugged. "And you didn't tell me?"

"Didn't seem all that important. Char's a total Babe Magnet." I snickered again, but then my phone buzzed and I fished it out of my pocket and opened a text from Rosalie.

_**PLEASE stop and get 3 prgncy tsts. Shhh!**_

_OK, seriously? Does she think that if she takes the vowels out, Jasper won't know what it says?_

_ And what's she need three tests for? Double- and triple-checking? _

_ One should be sufficient to make a doctor's appointment…_

I sighed. "Jas, can we stop at the pharmacy on the way home?"

"Yeah, sure. Everything OK?" he shot me a worried look and I rolled my eyes. "I'm allowed to be concerned, Sage. You say _pharmacy_—"

"And _you_ automatically assume _pharmaceuticals_." I sighed. "Girly stuff. Can you handle that?" he nodded, but something in his eyes told me he was _thinking_… and that did not bode well. Once we pulled in, he made to get out and I held up a hand. "Jas, I think I can handle this."

He raised an eyebrow. "I can handle you buying tampons." But then he cocked his head to the side. "Did you go off the shot? Do I need to—"

"No! No!" this was getting awkward fast, and he was making it that much more difficult to follow Rosalie's immature _Shhh!_ instruction. "I'm still on the shot, we don't need condoms, spermicide, or any _other_ form of contraception." The eyebrow went higher and I groaned internally. "What I'm buying is not for me, it's also not my business, nor is it _your_ business and we are going to stay _out_ of it." He made a motion for me to continue. I smirked. "Oh, I'm not telling you what it _is_, I just said you were staying out of it." I pecked him on the cheek and climbed out of the truck.

I zipped inside and bee-lined straight for _everyone's_ favorite aisle. It never ceased to amaze me that everything having to do with vaginas could fit on one set of shelves. Thank fuck I wasn't a guy being asked to pick out tampons. I would've been there all day. Instead, I headed straight for the tiny section labeled _Family Planning_ and stopped.

_OK… which one do I pick?_

_ Fuck me…_

_ Digital's more expensive…_

_ But those lines might be hard to read…_

_ Fuck me sideways…_

_ And of COURSE, they don't have a box with three tests… two… but not three…_

I grabbed two boxes of digital tests and ran to the counter, bouncing on the balls of my feet, knowing that at any moment, Jasper could very well come in after me and that was _not_ a conversation I wanted to have.

As soon as I paid and got the damned boxes hidden in a brown paper bag, I ran back out to the truck and immediately stuffed the bag into my backpack.

"I don't even get to _see_?" he whined.

"_No_, you don't even get to _see_!" I whined right back, rolling my eyes.

Head shaking, he started us back toward home. He kept shooting me looks until finally, he asked, "Who was the text from?"

"What makes you think it was a text?" he shrugged.

_Lie convincingly or Rosalie will make life VERY difficult._

"I set an alarm to remind me to stop at the pharmacy."

_Well… it was half true… the buzz set this whole fucked up scavenger hunt going._

"And I don't even get a hint?"

"No, Jasper Nathaniel Whitlock, you and your twelve year-old's curiosity do _not_ get a _hint_!"

As soon as we were parked, I ran into the house, making sure that Rosalie saw me, before I headed downstairs. I heard her make some excuse about "Girl Talk" (whatever the fuck _that_ is) and then she followed after me.

I opened the door to my room to find Bella and Char sitting on my bed quietly, hands folded in their laps. Rose came in behind me and pushed me through the doorway and into the bathroom before she locked my bedroom door. They piled into the bathroom after me and then Rosalie locked Jasper's bathroom door.

"OK… what's going on?" I asked and all three shifted uncomfortably. Realization hit like a ton of bricks. "You've _got_ to be kidding me!" I whisper-yelled. "All _three_ of you? Jesus! Have you never heard of a rubber?"

"Broke." Whispered Bella.

"Pill failure." Charlotte muttered.

"Got caught up in the moment…" Rosalie admitted sheepishly.

"Sickening." I rolled my eyes and opened my backpack. "Here." I pulled out the boxes and handed them to Rose. "Go to town. This oughta be interesting." I made to go back into my room, but Char blocked my way.

"We were kinda hoping you'd read the tests…" she murmured quietly. Rose and Bella each nodded their agreement.

Again, I rolled my eyes. "_Fine_. Pee on your fucking sticks." Rosalie went first, and after three minutes, the test was still blinking its _Ready_ setting. "I… think it's broken."

"It can't be!"

"Apparently it can. Pee on another one."

"Oh right, because that's real easy! I can't pee on command!"

I swallowed the urge to hit her and said, "Rosalie, I had to assure your brother that I wasn't going back on medication, that I didn't need _condoms, spermicide, pads, or tampons_ to get you these tests… In short: PEE! I've been humiliated enough for the day and I say PEE!" she grabbed the spare test and sat back down on the toilet for a few moments.

_Wow… that's pretty humiliating too…_

_ She looks like she's waiting for a bus…_

As soon as Rose finished, Charlotte took her turn, followed immediately by Bella. While we waited for the test results, I picked up the defective test and stared at the ever-blinking _Ready_ symbol.

"What a waste… Think they'll refund my money?" I asked.

All at once, there was a shuffling at Jasper's door and I tossed the test aside as the door sprang open.

"Emmett!" Rosalie screamed as my brother appeared in the doorway. "I locked that door!"

"Apparently not _well_…" he smirked, but then his eyes landed on the test I'd just tossed aside. "What the—"

Jasper, Peter, and Edward all appeared behind him. Of the four of us, I was the only one _not_ holding a testing stick, but the one I'd just tossed was only a few inches from where my hand rested on the counter.

Jasper's eyes widened minutely as they shifted from me to the test and back again and I could tell I was about to get a ration of shit I didn't even _deserve_… except Emmett got there first.

"Rosalie… why is my _baby_ sister taking a pregnancy test?" he asked through clenched teeth.

_Of _course_ I'm the one taking the damn test… just 'cause I snuck it in the house… and was looking at it… and worrying about getting my money back…_

"She wasn't, Em." Rosalie murmured.

"Bullshit." He growled.

"I wasn't, Emmett!" I cried. "I don't need a fucking test!"

_No need to add in that I don't need it because of the shot, God only knows he'll take that to mean I'm having sex and not worrying about safety because of the shot…_

_ Which I am…_

_ But still…_

"Sage, it's right by your fucking hand!" he yelled.

"It's defective, Emmett!" Rosalie yelled, stepping between us. "It was _my_ test! Sage was just looking at it!"

_Thank fuck._

He believed her.

But Jasper didn't. His eyes were still on the test.

"Charlotte?" Peter whispered and I spun to see Char trembling.

"Negative." She whispered. She sniffled a little, but when she looked up, she appeared fine. "Negative. I'm not pregnant." Neither she nor Peter looked necessarily relieved, but they hugged anyway.

Edward had pushed past Emmett. "Isabella?"

_Oh Jesus H, she HATES that._

"Uh…" Bella swallowed. She took a deep breath and tried to speak again, but she ended up handing the test to me.

"Positive." I mumbled, handing it back. Rosalie and Emmett were still having some sort of staring contest, so I took Rose's stick and read, "Positive… OK, my job here is done… Can I go now, please? I kinda feel like the turd in the punchbowl, if you catch my drift." Jasper's eyes were still fixed on that stupid blinking stick. Emmett simply nodded and I squeezed past him and grabbed Jasper by the belt. "Jazz, move, now… Let them have their privacy." As we exited Jasper's room, I heard Ed_weird_ mention something about a Paternity Test.

He let me tug him along, up the stairs, and out the front door. Once we were around the block, I laced my fingers with his and he seemed to finally notice what was going on around him.

"So… you're not?"

I rolled my eyes. "Jazz, unlike those three lunatics, if I thought, even for a second that I might be, we'd be having a talk… for one thing, buying those tests was pretty damn humiliating, all things considered… I'd send you to do _that_ dirty work."

"Why?" he asked.

"They're found in the tampon aisle. If I'm gonna panic over possible pregnancy, I expect you to have a heart attack in the tampon aisle. It's only fair." I smirked as he rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, Jas, I'm not, have never been, and to my knowledge, have no _need_ to be concerned about pregnancy. We're good."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed my hair. "OK." He sighed. "God!" he laughed. "Did you hear Edward? He wants a fuckin' Paternity Test!"

I rolled my eyes. "Scary thing is that he could probably do it himself… Oh…_ God_! Does this mean I'm technically related to Doctor Cullen now? Because you're not supposed to treat family and I really like him and I think I'm making progress and—"

"Stop." He commanded gently. "Don't worry like that." His cell phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket and checked his text messages. "Peter and Char are headed home. Edward and Bella are headed to his parents house… by the way, do you think it's weird his parents moved here to be closer to him?" I shrugged. "He strikes me as a momma's boy." I rolled my eyes. "And Emmett and Rosalie are going to take a few days in Half Moon Bay."

"Well, now I really _do_ feel like the turd in the punchbowl. Maybe I should've taken a test." He rolled his eyes at me.

We made use of having the house to ourselves that night by watching _The Lion In Winter_ on the flat-screen upstairs and putting away a bottle of red wine between us before making love in Jasper's bed.

_Funny how it's ALWAYS Jasper's bed…_

_ Pffft…_

_ My bed's too hard…_

_ And Emmett picked it out._

_ Insert awkwardness here…_

As we laid together in the darkness, Jasper sighed contentedly and mumbled something.

"What was that?" I asked softly.

He lifted his head off his pillow and pressed a quick kiss into my shoulder. "I said… that I think we'd make beautiful babies."

_Oh Holy What The Fuck?_

_ Strangely… not weirded out._

_ Strangely… kinda turned on…_

_ Interesting…_

_ File away for discussion with Group…_

_ And possibly Doctor Cullen…_

_ And possibly Freudian Fucktard Gerandy._

I rolled to face him and propped my head up on my hand. "Jasper Whitlock," I narrowed my eyes at him in the darkness and watched his brow furrow in worry, "are you saying you want to have babies with me?" I breathed.

He gave me a small smile. "Someday… not tomorrow."

"God! No, not tomorrow!" I agreed, giggling and pulling him to me. "But I do actually like the sound of that." I whispered.

It surprised me most of all that I wasn't the least bit scared by that admission or the truth behind it.

_**Jasper POV**_

_I'm an idiot._

_ And insane._

_ And beyond stupid._

I can't believe I fucking told her I wanted to have children with her… Not that I don't, because I do… I just can't believe I _copped_ to it.

I mean…

_Fuck._

I've thought about it… I think I've just had so much time to concentrate on _Sage_ that… I don't know… my mind just went there?

_Fuck._

But she liked it. She liked that idea. She didn't freak the fuck out like I thought she would.

_Which is progress, pure and simple._

But still…

_She might lose her shit later… _

_When I'm not around…_

_ When I can't talk her down…_

My arms reflexively closed around Sage's torso, drawing her closer, pulling her tighter against me. She moaned a little in her sleep and rolled over, snuggling into my chest.

_I really do love her…_

_ And I really can't tell her._

If Sage left, it would break me. I'd been broken too many times to count, but she'd fucking annihilate me.

"Stop thinking." She commanded me quietly and I jumped, not realizing she was awake. Her eyes were still closed, but I'd been so deep in thought that I hadn't noticed her breathing pick up.

"Kinda an automatic thing… I don't do it on purpose." I smirked.

"Yes, but I know _what_ you're thinking about…"

_Fuck._

Her eyes opened and she blinked at me several times, gauging my reaction. "I'm not going to run, so stop worrying that I am. I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want to lose you." I whispered.

"You haven't yet. I doubt you'll start now." She murmured quietly.

"It's just… kind of a big thing… to say… you know?"

_I told her I wanted to make BABIES with her…_

_ And I still can't get up the balls to tell her I love her._

_ Notice: She's not saying it either, Einstein._

"Stop thinking." She commanded again.

"I can't _help_ it!" I whined.

Sage rolled her eyes and pulled my mouth to hers, immediately opening for me. I groaned as her knee hitched up around my hip and she pressed her center against me. "Stop. Thinking."

I grinned. "What do you recommend I do instead?" I asked, cupping her ass and pulling her impossibly closer.

_**End Note: Leave me a review and I'll send you a teaser.**_


	41. My Name

_**A/N: I still don't own it. Everything but Sage belongs to S.M.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult content, themes, situations, and lemons.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 for pre-reading.**_

_**All my love to HammerHips for being the best damn Schwoogie-Muffin a Red Hot Mama could ask for.  
**_

_*****For those who are interested, now, not only can you follow me on Twitter, but I've started a blog with my good friend, RemyKilday. You can find it at www (dot) majorly-intense (dot) blogspot (dot) com. Come follow and affiliate with us! We'll do our best to keep you entertained :D**_

Chapter 40: My Name

_It's cold in here feels like everything's upside down  
I can feel you talking but I can barley make out the sound  
I been kicking around these parts, feels like a year  
I'm gonna change this world if I ever get out of here  
She wants to dress me in pink, paint's my bedroom blue  
And I just laugh to myself, cause only I know the truth  
This love is my only emotion  
Haven't learned any fear any pain  
It's kind of funny with all this commotion  
I guess they've got me, to blame  
They don't even know my name  
They don't even know my name_

-"My Name" by George Canyon

_**Jasper POV**_

As classes ramped up again, Sage and I were blessed with more hiding spots for tender moments. I'd aligned all my classes with hers so there was no staggering this semester. We would be on campus at the same time, we would be off campus at the same time. Neither of us would be waiting around for the other.

Because of my class load though, I was forced to work a later shift at the ranch. Neither of us minded though. Garrett usually left around six, which left me alone… and because Sage still hadn't found a car, while simultaneously still needing to get to therapy at noon, she was forced to drive me to and pick me up.

_And ironically, come to find, she would mount me in the truck…_

_ Given the right circumstances…_

_ And a severe amount of cock-blocking from Emmett._

_But that was still a _very_ good way to end the work day._

Emmett had also had a falling out with Edward, which contributed immensely to his foul mood. Edward had, of course, panicked when faced with the fact that Bella was pregnant with is child… _spawn_ as Sage had taken to calling the poor child. They hadn't broken up, but Bella had decided on an Amniocentesis and they'd had a Paternity Test done… Ed_weird_ was going to be a daddy.

_God help that poor, poor child. _

_ It's gonna get kicked on the playground._

_ A lot._

Sage had fumed when Bella told her that she was staying with Edward and that they were going to do their best to make it work. It was so bad, I'd been unable to calm her until three days _after_ that phone call… we'd missed classes… work… Emmett was too absorbed in his own anger to come check on her.

_Funny. I finally found the McCarty resemblance: temper._

Incidentally, I was actually quite level-headed with Emmett, considering he'd managed to knock my sister up; I found I didn't much care. Much like the attitude Rosalie had taken with me most of my life, I found that since Sage and I had gotten together, I didn't much care what Rosalie did.

I still loved her, I'd still take a bullet for her, I never regretted taking the belt for her… but I just returned her apathy with my own indifference. Sage was my focus, everything I did in some way was about Sage.

I went to work to save money, because when the stupid fucking eighteen-month lease was up at the end of January, I wanted to be fucking out of this house and settled in my own place… _with_ Sage. I went to class to get my degree, so that one day I could have a decent-paying job so that I could build a life… _with_ Sage. I paid attention to Sage's emotional climate and needs, listened to her fears and wants, and acted accordingly, so that she could get better and I could be _with_ Sage. It was all because of her.

After the pregnancy test debacle though, Sage had relented into going up to Napa, insisting that Charlotte needed her, though _why_, I wasn't quite sure. Peter and I had spent most of that weekend overseeing the construction on the new barn while Diablo, down for a visit from the vineyard, grazed in the paddock.

Sage and Charlotte had been locked in the master bedroom since we'd arrived and Sage had not come to bed with me that night. Peter slept on the couch.

When I finally did manage to get her alone, she melted into me and sighed. She was weary and drained and I could feel every strained and stressed muscle in her back, neck, and shoulders, simply by running my hands over them.

"What's up" I murmured quietly, gently kneading the muscles in her shoulders. "What's wrong with Charlotte?"

She sighed and slumped against me as I continued to massage her back. "She's kinda bummed about not being pregnant…"

"I thought they'd be relieved…"

She shrugged. "In a way, yeah… but I guess when Alistair beat her until she miscarried, he might've done some permanent damage… and the doctors have always told her it'd be really hard for her to get pregnant."

"But Alistair got her pregnant again." I argued. That was an important part of Charlotte's story, one I couldn't forget no matter how hard I tried.

She bobbed a nod, her head lolling to the side as I squeezed and rolled her neck. "Exactly… so she always thought maybe they were wrong… now she's wondering if that was just one sperm with a sense of direction…" she sighed. "And she's scared, because Peter's always wanted kids."

I dropped my hands, ignoring her groan of protest. "Peter would _never_ leave Charlotte over that." I insisted.

"_I_ know that… she's just having a little trouble remembering is all." She turned then and sat on the bed. "Jazz, can I ask you something?"

"You know you can." I answered, sitting beside her. She shifted uncomfortably and I grew more and more agitated as she fidgeted, but I knew she needed to work the words out on her own. "What if…" she closed her eyes a moment and took a deep breath. "What if… I _couldn't_… have kids?" I blinked. "You know… because of… because…" she drew in a shuddering breath, but I knew where she was going. Several of our letters over the years had been dedicated to the discussion of the cancer than ran rampant in her family and the choices she'd make if she had to.

I took a deep breath. "If they had to take your ovaries?" I finished for her. She nodded, eyes still closed.

_Just another way for her to hide from me…_

_ Well it's a pretty heavy question…_

_ What do I say to that?_

_ Duh._

I sighed and pulled her into my lap. "Hey, look at me." I kissed her softly and she graced me with her beautiful eyes. "If they had to take your ovaries, we'd still have options… freezing embryos… surrogacy, if you couldn't or didn't want to be pregnant… adoption…" I shrugged. "It's not all about the babies, it's about the future with _you_."

I'd done my research shortly after I first started thinking of a real future with Sage… wanting to watch a baby grow in her belly, wanting to help her choose a name and a nursery theme and all the other _stupid and completely girly_ things I knew she'd secretly love to do.

_And yet, I'm still so fucking spineless._

_ TELL HER._

_ I. LOVE. YOU. SAGE._

_ Fuck, man! Four words! That's it! JUST SAY IT!_

"You're actually serious, aren't you?" she asked disbelievingly.

I smiled. "You sound surprised." She shrugged.

We were interrupted by a knock on our door and before either of us could call for Peter to come in, he was opening the door and leaning against the frame.

"She won't let me in…" he whispered, eyes downcast. "I don't know what's wrong with her and she won't let me in… and she's _crying_."

I'd never seen Peter so defeated before.

Sage sighed and said, "I need a bucket… as big a one as you can find me, and preferably not a barn bucket." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh… you're not… _attached_ to that mattress of yours, are you?"

"Why?" he asked, suddenly suspicious.

"Because it's about to get wet." She answered truthfully. "Like… _really_ wet."

Peter sighed, staring at her for a long time. "If it gets Charlotte out of bed and talking to me… I'll buy twenty mattresses to replace that one." And he left to find a bucket.

Once he had, Sage dumped the entire contents of the ice maker into it, followed quickly by the contents of the twelve ice trays Peter kept filled for himself. OCD fucker had to have perfectly symmetrical ice cubes with his whiskey or he flipped his shit. The bucket was about half-full.

After that, she hoisted it into the sink and filled it with cold water.

_I see where this is going._

She had Peter carry it to the top of the stairs and then leave, so that Charlotte would let her in. Charlotte didn't even pay any attention to her, simply unlocked the door and went back to the bed. A few moments later, we cringed as the shrillest scream I'd ever heard echoed through the house.

Sage came thundering down the stairs a moment later and threw herself into my arms as Charlotte tore off after her, dripping wet, hair plastered to her face, and goosebumps from the freezing water raised all over her body.

"I'll fuckin' kill you for that, Sage!" she yelled.

"Good! Fucking do _something_, Charlotte! Get angry, get so fucking pissed you wanna punch something and then _do_ it! But you're not doing _anyone_ any good by being a self-deprecating, depressed _lump_!"

"Says the Clinical." She growled back. I fully expected a full-on catfight to ensue, but Sage seemed to have a good handle on the situation, despite Charlotte's rage.

"Damn straight! You think I can't recognize the signs! You're a fuckin' _counselor_ and you can't even see it. Work the steps, climb them, and _deal_ with your _issues_."

Charlotte paused, staring at Sage for the longest time, and Sage never moved, never wavered under her intense scrutiny. Eventually, Charlotte's face crumpled and she sobbed before pulling Sage into a hug.

Sage hugged her back fiercely. "You need to talk to him." I heard her whisper. "You're sitting in limbo right now… you need to tell him what's on your mind so you know where everything stands. Limbo does nothing." Charlotte nodded into her shoulder, still sobbing as Sage pulled away and reached for my hand. "Jazz, let's give them a minute." She murmured. I laced my fingers with hers and let her lead me out of the house and over to the paddock.

She scrambled up on the fence, facing the barn, and I stepped between her legs, immediately brushing my lips with hers.

"I miss this." I whispered.

"What _this_?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow at me.

"The easy part." I answered, kissing her softly. "The part where we don't have to hide."

"I miss it too…" she sighed and grabbed the front of my shirt, refusing to let me pull away as her tongue darted out to trace my lower lip. "Maybe we could take a hike later… out to the meadow we went to on New Year's Eve?"

I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face. "That sounds like a perfect plan." I cupped her neck and brought her mouth back to mine, loving the feel of her soft lips molding to mine, her tongue exploring my mouth.

_This is what it should be like all the time…_

A throat clearing behind me made us break apart and Peter stood there, hands in his pockets. He nodded back toward the house. "Sorry to break this up, but Char'd like a distraction." He was looking at me, which had me baffled because Char's favorite distraction was doing funny things with Sage's hair.

"But she just cut it a couple weeks ago." Sage groaned.

"Not you, Parsley. Jasper."

"The hell's she want with me?" I asked, suddenly clinging to Sage as though my life might depend on it.

He rolled his eyes. "She'll put it right if you don't like it, now _go_!"

I turned back to Sage and she simply shrugged. "Go on. I can't save you." I let out a whimper. "I'm sure it'll be fine, Jas." She laughed, pulling me into another quick kiss. "Go."

_**Sage POV**_

I hadn't wanted to be so harsh with Charlotte, but after being up all night Friday night and all day Saturday, I couldn't take it. She was putting _months_ of morning jogs and Photo Therapy to waste in the spans of twenty-four hours… that shit had to build up in the system, dammit! It wasn't an insta-fix… she was killing my buzz.

Figuratively.

Obviously.

I'd tried to be perky and upbeat, I'd tried cajoling, I'd tried supportive (that one earned me the finger), and then I finally gave up and left… which was when I ended up deciding to throw a bucket of ice water on her.

Possibly bad idea.

I did it anyway.

And shit picked up.

_Good Sage. _

I felt bad that Jasper ended up being in the hot seat for the haircut, though I was interested to see what she'd come up with. She had a thing about privacy while _creating_, so I continued to sit outside with Peter.

"What's she gonna do to him?" I asked warily.

"No idea… I don't even let her cut my hair. I'm afraid." He shuddered, but gave me a crooked grin. "Thanks, Sage… you know… in there." He nodded toward the house.

I snorted. "You're thanking me for throwing ice water on her?"

"Well, it woke her up, didn't it?" I shrugged. "It did. " he sighed. "I love her. So fucking much."

"I know you do, Peter."

"I can't believe she thought I'd walk out after all these years just because we may not be able to have kids…" he shook his head, bewildered. "She's my soul mate… I fuckin' tattooed her _name_ over my heart! That's gotta say something!" he looked to me for validation. "_Right_?"

I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Peter, you're talking to the girl who made the rash decision to get two tally marks tatted on her shoulder… The only _good_ and _rational_ decision I've made in the past three or four years, aside from going back to therapy and seeking help, is my decision to be with Jasper. I don't think I'm the sounding board for this particular rant."

He sighed. "Yeah… but you're a girl." I raised an eyebrow again. "_Woman_… Girl Power… what the fuck ever." He grumbled.

"You just need to talk to her… allay her fears."

He snorted a laugh. "Yeah, how is the _a-laying_ going?"

"Pervert." I smacked the back of his head.

"Damn straight."

"Jasper and I are doing very well… a little pressed for time, maybe, but we make do."

Peter rolled his eyes at that. "You shouldn't _have_ to be pressed for time."

My hands flew to my mouth and I feigned surprise. "Oh my God, Jasper! When did you get your brain transplanted into Peter's body?" he stuck his tongue out at me. "Very mature. Yes, I'm _aware_ of how it _should_ be."

_Don't let people _should_ all over you…_

"But right now, it's this way… It won't be forever…" I sighed. "I just need about five thousand more dollars."

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "The way you say that, it's like you think you can't get it."

I shrugged. "I've had to lower my price recently… seven dollars per page, per read." His eyes widened at my admission. "Money's tight all around, and my service is an extra, not a necessity. People can edit their own papers, they don't _need_ me. I'm an unneeded expense."

"How hard-up are you?"

"I'm not destitute, I've got money saved, Peter."

"How hard-up?" he pressed.

I groaned and let my head roll back against my shoulders. "If I buy a car… which I'd need if I were to move out… probably in the ballpark of fifteen grand…"

"And if you didn't move out?"

I shrugged. "The five grand… maybe… but I do want to get out from under Emmett's thumb."

Peter nodded, a faraway look in his eye. "I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"I hope so." I sighed, checking my watch. "You think Char's done? I'm kinda nervous. I hope she didn't give Jazz a Mohawk or something." He snorted and helped me down off the fence.

When we entered the house, Charlotte was sweeping up hair off the kitchen floor and I immediately groaned. She'd taken a _lot_ of hair…

She smiled mischievously and rolled her eyes. "Don't knock it 'til you've_ seen_ it, Sugar." And she nodded toward our room.

I padded back to the bedroom and opened the door to find Jasper sitting on the bed waiting for me. I had to grip the door jamb for balance as I took in _exactly_ what Charlotte had done: she'd shaved the sides of his head and given him a small ponytail. His hair had only been to just below his chin… she'd left that length with the hair she'd let him keep.

_Oh dear…_

_ That's…_

_ Wow…_

_ Hot…_

I felt a blush creeping into my cheeks and a tingling in my extremities.

Jasper was waiting patiently for a physical reaction that I was careful not to give. I simply blinked.

"What do you think?" he finally asked.

"What do _you_ think?" I countered.

He sighed and shrugged. "I don't know… I guess it's cool…" he rolled his eyes. "I haven't pulled my hair back in a long damn time, this could take some getting used to." He scratched his chin. "I may have to grow a beard or something to pull this look off." He was watching me carefully, but I was still keeping my face as impassive as possible.

"OK." I answered.

"Jesus, Woman, is that it? You've got nothin' else?" I shrugged. "Like it? Hate it? Anything?"

_Here we go._

I closed the door and moved to sit beside him on the bed. "OK… if I point something out, you have to swear not to be offended." He cocked an eyebrow, but nodded. "I'm not going to tell you either way." I raised a hand to silence him as he tried to interrupt. "Because with Maria and Alice, you did what you thought they wanted… you changed your hair, your clothes, how you acted, how you spoke, everything… and I won't have you changing to try to please me when I like you just fine the way you are." He stared at me, mouth agape. "It is what it is, Jazz. If you like it, then you like it and you should keep it." I snickered. "But I think you'll have to go back to wearing combat boots… I'm not so sure the shit-kickers'll go with the new 'do."

Rolling his eyes, he groaned and pulled me onto his lap. "I think I'll keep it awhile." I nodded. "Would be _nice_ to know if you like it, though." He nudged my cheek with his nose. "You know… just to know Char didn't make me completely _hideous_."

I giggled and kissed him tenderly. "I think it's really fucking hot." I whispered, giggling as he seemed to light up at it.

"_Really_ fucking hot, huh?" he twisted me around until I was straddling his lap. I nodded and he pulled me closer. "Interesting."

I was running my fingers over the freshly buzzed hair, smiling as it tickled the pads of my fingers. "I used to really hate the crew cut." I sighed.

"This, you don't mind though."

I shrugged. "This is still _my_ Japser."

"I've always been _your_ Jasper." He argued.

"No… you've belonged to the Army… and Maria… and Alice…" I kissed him softly as his brow furrowed. "You were mine before the Army… and before Maria… and before Alice… and now you're mine again."

He shook his head. "Some days, you really are an idiot." I frowned at that and he sighed. "I was always yours, Sage. I just didn't think you wanted me." He pulled me into a searing kiss and I moaned into his mouth as his tongue met mine.

That evening we packed up some blankets and bottles of water, and dressed in jeans, long-sleeve hoodies, and combat boots. We set off toward the trail we'd rode out on nearly a year ago just as Peter was loading Diablo up in the trailer to take him back out to the vineyard. He gave us a wave as Jasper grasped my hand and tugged me along the trail.

It was a longer walk than we'd thought, possibly five miles, but as I was still keeping up with my jogging and Jasper and Peter had been subjecting themselves to Road Marches, we weren't even a tiny bit winded by the time we made it back to that beautiful meadow.

We spread out one of the blankets and laid down, staring out at the sun as it sunk behind the tree line, painting the sky in vivid reds, oranges, and pinks. My fingers found their way to the nape of his neck, stroking the nearly nonexistent hair as he smiled and kissed me tenderly.

"So…" I sighed. "Charlotte wants to come down to visit at Halloween."

Jasper cocked an eyebrow. "Why Halloween?"

Shrugging, I rolled onto my back and groaned. "Apparently there's some sort of costume ball or whatever at Pure. What? What are you grinning about?" a slow, evil smile had spread across his face. "What?" I half-yelled.

He shrugged. "I have fond memories of that night…"

"The dancing?" I asked confusedly.

"Mmm." He agreed. "The dancing… the poker… the kiss." His eyes clouded momentarily and I realized he was probably remembering his hurt the next morning when I didn't remember our first kiss.

"The raging hard-on you were sporting pretty much the _entire_ night…" I added in an attempt to lighten the mood. His eyes snapped to me and even in the half-light, I could see the blood flood his cheeks. I smiled and rolled to face him again, pulling his mouth to mine. I tried to put all of my feelings for him into that kiss.

_Even if I'm too chicken-shit to say it._

When I pulled back, I smiled. "I've always been pretty aware of that with you… I just figured it was the alcohol."

He shook his head. "No… it was very much all _you_." He kissed me again. "I thought you didn't _do_ Halloween." He cocked an eyebrow at me and I blushed. Normally, I didn't do Halloween at all. Probably because Emmett had usually stolen all my candy, so I'd given up by the ripe old age of eight. I settled for a shrug. "What would you be?"

I shrugged again. "I could go in my underwear and be a Victoria's Secret model." I was forced to laugh at the growl that rumbled through his chest at that suggestion. "No good?" he shook his head. "Really? You don't think I can pull it off?"

"Oh, I _know_ you can pull it off… and I know a bunch of guys at Pure would be wanting you to pull _it_ off too." He growled and I laughed harder as his hands found my hips and pulled me flush against him.

"Only you." I murmured against his mouth as he trailed a hand underneath my hoodie and T-shirt and palmed my breasts through the thin lace of my bra.

"Damn straight." He whispered back, rolling to pull me onto his chest. I sat up immediately and pulled both shirts up and off, smiling as his eyes roved over me hungrily. "You are so beautiful." He breathed, sitting up and crushing his mouth to mine.

We spent the night in the meadow, worshipping each other under the stars, and I awoke the next morning to Jasper kissing the back of my neck. I couldn't help but smile.

"Did you know," he murmured quietly when he realized I was awake. "That you have this tiny twirl of hair at the nape of your neck… it's too short to be pulled into a ponytail or anything, and unlike the rest of your hair, it's got a little curl to it?"

I smiled again. "Do you just have some weird fascination with the back of my neck?" I mumbled into the blanket.

He laughed. "I have a fascination with _all_ of you… it's just fun to memorize every bit of you… and lately I've been focused on your neck." I sighed as his fingers massaged the back of my neck. "You're phone's been chirping for a while." He murmured.

"Mmm? Hand it to me?" I fidgeted and rolled to get my hands free and accepted the phone when he handed it to me. "Bella." I muttered, opening the text.

And then my stomach dropped.

_**Lost the baby.**_

Simple. Succinct.

"She lost the baby." I whispered. My extremities had gone numb with the weight of those words. As much as I'd wished Edward wasn't the father, as much as I wanted him to man the fuck up and deal with it, I hadn't ever wished that Bella would lose the baby.

Jasper swore under his breath and rolled over to grab our clothes. Lucky for me, I was in l—dating… someone just as obsessive compulsive as I was… he'd folded our clothes and placed them on top of his backpack to keep them out of the grass and dirt.

_Fuck._

_ Am I in love with him?_

_ I think I am._

_ I think I always was… because I don't actually _feel_ any differently than I ever have…_

_ But I've never felt for _anyone_ what I've always felt for Jasper._

_ Fuck._

"Come on, Darlin'. Let's get back to the house. We'll have a shower and you can call Bella… see how she's doing." He sighed, standing up and pulling his boxers and jeans on.

I barely heard him. My head was swimming with questions about love and sympathy for Bella. Without really registering what I was doing, I stood and got dressed.

_**End Note: Teasers for reviewers.**_


	42. Anyone But Him

_**A/N: I still don't own anything but Sage and the plot. Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult content, themes, and lemons. **_

_**RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 are my pre-readers.**_

_**HammerHips is my Domme. She brandishes a whip and makes me refer to her as "Schwoogie-Muffin".**_

Chapter 41: Anyone But Him

_Anyone but him  
My blood boils as my eyes turn green  
Is this the best of the best of the scene  
Anyone but him  
Anyone but him  
With schoolboy fists we can take this outside  
But knowing my luck that fuck could win  
Anyone but him_

-"Anyone But Him" by Mr. Hudson

_**Sage POV**_

Bella was relieved.

_Call me crazy, but you're not supposed to be _relieved_ when you miscarry._

She and Ed_weird_ were still together, but they'd decided to take a step back. They weren't flying to visit each other every weekend, which I was kind of glad about. I'd been pretty hurt when I found out she was flying up twice a month and wasn't bothering to get together with me at all; I'd missed her.

Once Jasper and I got together though, I was still bothered, just not as much.

Emmett was relieved as well, which had led to some sort of awkward bonding moment over dinner one night when we'd discussed the fact that Ed_weird_ had actually felt the need to ask for the damn Paternity Test. Of course, I knew better than Emmett how checkered Bella's sexual past was, but she was nothing, if not faithful.

We muddled our way through September with two family sessions with Emmett, three times almost getting caught, and several questioning looks from Rosalie. At one point, she cornered Jasper and demanded to know who my secret lover was… not because she wanted to tell Emmett, she'd said, but just because she felt someone _other_ than Jasper should lend some perspective.

He told her to fuck off. I laughed.

By October, Jasper had decided to keep the ponytail, though he had Charlotte leave the clippers at a 2 setting since I liked the soft tickling. I'd told him to make his own decision, but he did it anyway. He was also starting to grow a beard, which I was slowly, but surely becoming accustomed to. It took him a full week to get out of Army mode enough to stop shaving every day.

And then one morning in mid-October, he walked into the kitchen with an extended goatee and I immediately dropped my spoon, losing it in the overlarge bowl of Teddy Grahams and milk. He gave me a questioning look and I could tell he was trying to figure out if my reaction was positive or negative.

"What's with the chin pubes?" Rosalie asked. I couldn't help but snort into my cereal as she handed me a fresh spoon.

"Just… trying somethin' new." He answered nonchalantly.

She stared at him appraisingly. "It's OK." She shrugged after a minute before leaning over the railing and yelling up the stairs, "Em! We need to go! We're late!" she patted her tiny baby bump and smiled. "A few more weeks and we'll know what the sex is." And then her eyes flew to me. "You are still being safe, right?" she murmured quietly. I gave a curt nod as Emmett thundered down the stairs.

"Who's being safe?" he asked.

_Fuck me._

"Jasper." Rosalie lied easily. My eyes flew to hers and I stared in disbelief. To my knowledge, Rosalie Lillian Hale was incapable of lying to Emmett Wade McCarty.

_Well, there goes that one. She sunk my battleship._

"You're finally getting some, Jasper? Good." Emmett gave Jasper a genuine smile. It was the first he'd ever given him. And then he turned to me. "You," he pointed. "Keep the legs crossed and the pepper spray handy."

"Emmett!" I cried. "That's crass."

"No, crass would be my baby sister getting knocked up." He turned and examined a brown paper bag on the counter. "Rose, did you pack yourself a lunch? I thought we were going to grab some before heading in to work."

"That's for Jasper." I said around a mouthful off Teddy-mush. Everyone stared at me and I shrugged. "We're having a pizza party in Group to celebrate Theresa the Manic staying on her medication for three whole weeks. Her previous record was two days. That's a huge accomplishment. I just figured he'd like lunch, it won't make sense for him to wait around for me when I won't be hungry." They still stared. "Oh fuck off, all of you. I did something nice! Go to your stupid doctor's appointment." And I glared at Jasper. "I'm never being nice to you again."

As soon as they were out the door and gone, Jasper's arms snaked around my waist. I did my best to ignore him, even as his lips found that sensitive spot on my neck and his whiskers tickled my skin. "You're never being nice to me again?"

"Nope." I answered, popping the P. "I was all domestic and shit and made you a lunch. Never. Again. Ever." And then for good measure, I added, "Ever." My eyes slid shut as he kissed another sensitive spot behind my ear. "So… what was the spoon dropping about? Is it that bad?" I jerked my chin away from him. I was determined he'd learn not to seek my approval for everything. "Don't be like that… you know I just want to know you still find me attractive." I rolled my eyes as his lips brushed against my temple. "Please, Sweetheart?"

I huffed. "Very hot. Now go away. I'm not being nice to you anymore."

"Hot?" he pressed his erection into my back. "Hot enough to skip your first class with me?"

"Not that hot. No sex is worth missing an exam that counts for forty percent of my grade." He hissed at that. "Yeah. Sorry. Shoulda shaved and shaped tomorrow. You get no _I love your sexy beard_ sex today."

"There's always tonight." He argued.

"Nope." I answered, popping the P again. "I'm going with Charlotte to buy her costume for the party at Pure." I couldn't help but smile as he nuzzled my neck.

"What about your costume?"

"Oh, that's easy. I'm gonna be a butterfly."

"A butterfly?" he asked incredulously.

"Yup." I slid off my stool and out of his arms and went to dump and rinse my bowl.

Jasper leaned against the bar, eyeing me carefully. "Aren't you going to ask what I'm going as?"

"No. I already know." I stuck my tongue out at him. "You and Peter are going as cowboys so you don't actually have to dress up."

He gave me a very serious look. "Real men don't _dress up_."

I snorted a laugh. "OK. I'll remember that. Maybe I'll write it on my palm. You know, in case I forget that I'm sleeping with a _real man_." I took off at a sprint for the basement and practically slid down the railing, but Jasper caught up with me in the sitting room, scooping me up bridal style as I shrieked and he carried me into his room.

"Jas! Class! Test!"

"Two hours." He whined. "We have two hours!"

"Studying. Reviewing." I whined back as he began pulling my sleep shorts down my legs

"Kissing. Touching." He punctuated his arguments with kisses to my lips as he yanked my shirt over my head.

"Cramming. Need to pass."

"Need to feel."

"Too much feeling." I gasped as his hand slid between my legs.

"Too much thinking." He argued.

And then I laughed. I couldn't help it, and it wasn't just a chuckle. I full-on belly laughed so hard tears were streaming down my cheeks. Jasper glared at me and I could tell I'd hurt his feelings. "I'm sorry, Jazz." I gasped and straightened up, pulling him down to kiss him tenderly. "But an erect penis really doesn't have a conscience… and I really do need to get some library time in before my test."

He licked his lips, a sly grin spreading across his face as he dropped his hand again and slid two fingers into me, pumping quickly as he cupped my ass and held me in place with the other. I couldn't help the moan that escaped as my head rolled forward to rest against his shoulder.

"You _sure_ you don't have time for me?" he whispered. "Because I know how tense you've been lately… and I know how relaxed you always are when I make you come… Let me relax you." He said in a honeyed tone.

"Jasper…" I whispered. "Please…"

"Please what, Sweetheart?" I moaned again and felt him smile as he nipped at my neck. "Please _what_?"

I groaned and kissed him deeply. "Don't stop." I whispered against his lips. With that, I yanked his sweatpants down, freeing his swollen cock. "That for me?" I teased as he thrust his tongue into my mouth. He nodded and I began stroking him.

"There's my girl…" he crooned, withdrawing his fingers long enough to lift me and set me on his dresser. "I knew she was in there somewhere." he stepped out of his sweats and pulled his shirt off before stepping between my legs. He pushed into me swiftly, thrusting hard as his tongue mirrored the motions, forcing me to moan into his mouth.

Neither of us lasted very long, climaxing together in just a few thrusts , gasps, and whispered endearments. For some reason, we never did when he had me on the dresser, but it was optimal for quickies, which was probably why he'd put me there instead of the bed. When we were done, Jasper pressed a kiss to my forehead.

By the time Halloween arrived, Rosalie had decided that she was my designated Sex Therapist. Apparently, Emmett was going through a period of stage fright at the thought of possibly poking his baby while he _poked_ Rose.

_Gross. Emmett sex… Yick!_

This left me in the hot seat to give Rosalie _some_ sort of outlet, except I wasn't very helpful about it. I refused to divulge any information, not just for privacy's sake, but also because I had a feeling Rosalie would be weirded out to eventually find out she'd pumped me for information about the size of her brother's dick.

I was a little weirded out just thinking about it, to be honest.

"What do you think?" Jasper asked, leaning in the bathroom doorway as I finished packing my overnight bag.

I smiled when I glanced up at him in his _cowboy_ attire: a blue plaid flannel button-down with the sleeves rolled to the elbows, which was tucked into his jeans, a brown leather vest, and his boots. He'd left his hair down for the night, but I had a hair tie for him if he wanted it later.

_Swoon…_

"Like Walking Sex." I replied. "You _are_ gonna top that with a hat, _right_?"

"Duh… my brown Stetson." He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Where's your costume?"

"In the bag. Char and I are getting ready together." I smirked as he rolled his eyes. "It's a girl thing. You cannot possibly comprehend."

"Is this kinda like when women go to the bathroom together? Why do they, actually?"

I snickered at that. "We have to hold each other up to make sure we don't drown." He rolled his eyes again. "I don't know… we just do!"

He smiled as Rosalie appeared in my bedroom doorway. "We're off." She told us. "You guys have the number for where we'll be?" we nodded. "And for the hotel?" we nodded again. "OK. Are ya'll staying with Charlotte and Peter?"

"We're not counting it out." Jasper lied. We were staying at the Bayview Hotel, same as Peter and Char, but we were not staying _with_ them. "It'll depend how tired we are."

Rosalie nodded and lowered her voice. "Sage, what about your boyfriend? Will he be staying with you?"

I snorted. "He'll be with me tonight, yes." That was all she was getting and she was slowly learning that.

An hour later, Char and I were locked in the bathroom of her and Peter's hotel room and Charlotte was meticulously applying clear body crystals to my face. The goal was for them to form butterfly wings around my eyes. I was rather scared to look, but as Charlotte held up the hand mirror in front of me, I had to smile. It was my own personal sparkling mask, with the upper wings arching over my eyebrows to a point and the lower wings trailing down my cheeks to a point at my jaw line.

As Charlotte pulled on her flame-red corset and matching hotpants, I dug around in my bag and pulled out my _Not Actually a Costume-Costume_. I'd been surprised when I fell in love with the top, which had inspired the idea to begin with. It wasn't my style. At all.

The top was in the shape of a butterfly, with the thin green body reaching from my sternum to just above my belly button. The wings were in the same shape as Char's rhinestone design on my face, colored in vibrant pinks and purples. The tops of the wings covered my breasts and the bottoms spread to my lower ribs. The whole thing was held to me by a string around my neck and another around my back. I'd paired it with a pure white, gauzy, jagged-hem skirt that hung low on my hips and fluttered when I moved. I'd decided to wear the strappy silver stilettos I'd worn to prom. No sense in wasting the shoes. My makeup was light and soft and I'd added my regular strawberry gloss. Charlotte had taken a thin piece of hair from either side of my head and put them each in a tight ringlet for my "antennae" (even though they weren't standing straight up) before spraying glitter hairspray all over. She'd managed to nail most of my face with the glitter as well, so I looked a little like an airy-fairy disco ball.

"I think I'm a little too shiny." I told her, squinting into the mirror.

Charlotte snorted. "You're fine. If anyone gives you shit, just tell them you're the Butterfly Fairy or something." She began applying fire engine red lipstick as I continued to squint at myself. "Seriously, Sugar. You're gorgeous."

It was my turn to snort. "Said the Devil in the _Fuck Me-_heels." It was true. She was in a pair of matching red four-inch peep-toe pumps that I wouldn't have been able to stand on if my life depended on it. She ignored me and put on her horned headband.

"Hurry up, Women!" Peter yelled from the room. "The party's already started!"

I rolled my eyes and jerked the door open, intent on flipping Peter off, but Jasper was waiting on the other side to snatch me.

_Shit. I'm too predictable._

_ Apparently._

"Hello there, Butterfly." He crooned, planting a quick kiss on my lips.

"Hey there, Cowboy."

"Shit!" he hissed before leaning down to whisper in my ear. "That one went straight to my dick, Darlin'."

"I'll remember that for later." I giggled as he kissed me again.

"Ya'll are just sickening." Peter grumbled.

"And you're jealous." Jasper grumbled back, rolling his eyes as Charlotte appeared. "You look beautiful."

I pulled his lips to mine, smiling as his tongue stroked my bottom lip, but I wouldn't allow him to deepen the kiss. He moaned and whined at my refusal and I smirked. "Jas, if we start now, we'll never make it to the club." I murmured.

"I'm good with that if you are." I shook my head and he whined, quickly turning it into a groan before straightening up and wrapping and arm around me. "Let's go." He sighed.

By the time we got to the club, the party was in full-swing and it took us several circuits to find an available table. Peter immediately disappeared to get drinks as Jasper led me onto the dance floor.

"Anxious to have me grinding on you?" I asked, smirking as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Well, yeah… but I also just like holding you close." He ducked his head to murmur in my ear. "You know I can tell you're wearing a white G-string, right?" he hooked his finger into the hip string and tugged.

I giggled. "I figured you would… that's why I wore it."

He growled. "But to have it poking out of the back of your skirt?"

I shrugged. "Figured I'd give you a show." He pressed his erection into my stomach. "I see you enjoyed it."

"You've no idea."

We danced for several songs before making our way back over to our table. Peter and Charlotte were wrapped around each other so tight it was nearly impossible to distinguish where one ended and the other began.

"Disturbing." I mumbled and Jasper nodded in agreement before sitting and pulling me onto his lap. I turned and placed an open-mouthed kiss on his neck, frowning when he tensed. "Jazz, what?" I whispered, looking up at him. His eyes were fixed on some point in front of him, so I turned to look just as Michael materialized out of the crowd. Jasper's arm around my waist immediately tightened and Charlotte and Peter broke apart with a dull slurping _pop_. They glanced between Jasper and Michael before deciding to head out onto the dance floor. "Hey, Mike." I called over the music. I squirmed out of Jasper's grasp and gave Michael a quick hug before retreating back into Jasper's arms. His grip was even tighter than before.

Michael smiled at both of us. "You're doing alright?" he asked and I nodded. His gaze shifted to Jasper. "You know what happened? With James King?" he took a sip of his beer while he eyed Jasper. I'd never seen Michael drink before.

"Yeah. Don't worry, I can take care of Sage. We appreciate your _concern_ though." Jasper answered coldly.

_Fuck._

"Yeah," Michael droned sarcastically. "You were doing a real good job of it when I had to pry him off her."

Jasper stiffened immediately and I could feel the muscles of his arms begin to twitch as his ire spiked. I tried in vain to calm him by reaching my hand up to brush his hair out of his eyes, but he was still glaring daggers at Michael.

"Well," Jasper shrugged and I could tell he was barely holding on to his calm. "Thanks for that, but we won't be requiring those or any other _services_ from you anymore. I can take care of _all_ of Sage's needs."

Michael shrugged and I caught a hint of malice in his eyes for the very first time. I'd always known he was jealous of Jasper when I was with him, but he'd never been angry, let alone vindictive about it. "Still… keep an eye on her… There are guys like James all over the place."

"Thanks for the tip." Jasper replied, adding a sarcastic, "I'll be sure to give you a call if I need any more."

At that, Michael smirked. "Here's a freebie: She _loved_ it when I—"

"Mike!" I yelled, catching him off-guard. Jasper's fingers were digging into my hip and I was forced to pry them loose in order to move. "I need to talk to you in private." I glared at him and began to follow him out of Jasper's earshot when Jasper leaned forward and grabbed my hand, holding onto my fingers tightly. I looked back and caught the pleading and desperation in his eyes. My heart stuttered a little at the sight. "Jas, let me go." His fingers tightened around mine a fraction. I raised an eyebrow. "Caveman, much? How about a little trust?" he took a deep breath and released me.

I stormed after Michael and when he stopped and turned to face me, he fixed me with an easy smile. "Problem?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing." I snarled. "What the hell, Mike? That was _not_ OK."

"Why? He knows we had some intimacy." He took another swig of his beer and it dawned on me that he must be drunk. There was no other explanation for his behavior.

"True, but you don't just go spouting off about it! Would you want to hear in graphic detail what your girlfriend did with her ex? Especially if it were coming _from_ that ex?" he shrugged. "This is not OK, Mike." I glared at him again before turning and walking back to Jasper.

He was staring straight ahead, his jaw squared and his hands balled into fists on the table. I was almost scared to say anything, but it was _Jasper_.

"I'm sorry, Jazz. He's just being an ass." He nodded, but didn't say anything. "I didn't know he'd be here. I figured he'd have mentioned it when I saw him on campus the other day, but he didn't."

Jasper's eyes shot to me in an instant. "_When_ did you see him on campus?"

_Fuck. Again._

"Uh… Tuesday? I guess… maybe?" his eyes narrowed and I held up my hands in surrender. "Class got out early, remember? I was waiting for you."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

_Oh Jesus. Hell no._

"Should I report to you every time I take a breath as well?" I retorted angrily. "Jazz, he's a _friend_. I don't need to explain that to you." He tensed and I shook my head. "I'm not going to argue about this with you here."

"Of course not. It's not like _my_ feelings matter, right?" he drawled sarcastically and I stared at him in shock.

_Jesus… he thinks I'd leave him._

When I recovered, I stepped closer and pulled him into a searing kiss, trying to somehow meld with him as I stroked his hair and deepened the kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, crushing me to his chest as he explored my mouth. When we finally broke apart, I leaned my forehead against his and said, "Jasper, _you_ are all that matters to me." His answering smile was still full of trepidation and unease. "Do you wanna get out of here?" I asked, kissing the sensitive spot just behind his ear.

He groaned and kissed my neck. "We _could_ just go into the handicapped stall in the ladies…" he laughed as I smacked his arm. "Too soon?" I nodded and he kissed me deeply. "Yes, let's get out of here."

_**Jasper POV**_

I almost didn't let Sage leave the hotel room. What man would? Her _not quite a costume_ was possibly the most revealing, raciest, sexiest outfit I'd ever seen her wear. Well… aside from lingerie, her bathing suit, and completely naked… but this… this was meant for _others_ to see. And of course, my inner Caveman was immediately on the lookout for potential threats, especially when I noticed how low on her hips that skirt was hanging and the fact that she was flaunting that tiny scrap of material that could loosely be referred to as underwear. Once I saw her move, I nearly came in my pants as the skirt floated and fluttered, revealing bits of her creamy thighs. If she wasn't careful, she could easily pull a Marilyn Monroe in that skirt.

I was hard before we ever left the hotel. I'd idly wondered how Sage would react if I'd simply feigned forgetfulness to get her back to our room so I could ravish her, but I knew she'd actually been excited for the party and I wouldn't spoil that for anything.

_Still…_

My girl was gorgeous any day of the week, but put her in that butterfly outfit? I was a lost cause. Any man would be, and that made me nervous.

I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised when Michael turned up. The party had been advertised all over campus and I knew that he and Sage had occasionally gone out dancing when they dated. I guess I just never pictured them _here_… the place that had introduced me to Sexy Sage; it was also the place where Sage had, however briefly, met James King. That part sucked the happiness out of me to be replaced with nervous energy at the sight of Sage pulling away from me to hug Michael.

I could tell she'd made it quick on purpose. She was nervous. She knew if she lingered, it'd only upset me more, but she also didn't want to blow him off. She still cared for him.

_How much?_

He smiled at us. "You're doing alright?" he yelled over the music. Sage nodded as she settled herself in my lap again. He looked at me. "You know what happened? With James King?" he took a swig of beer and I noticed the slight glassiness of his eyes. It wasn't his first drink of the night…

"Yeah. Don't worry, I can take care of Sage. We appreciate your _concern_ though." I answered. I wasn't able to contain the asshole in me that just wanted him to leave me and _my_ girl alone.

"Yeah," Michael said sarcastically. "You were doing a real good job of it when I had to pry him off her."

_Fucker…_

_That_ made me see red. He was implying I'd somehow failed her. Maybe I had, maybe I should've seen the signs earlier and maybe she never would've felt the need to buy the damn pills, but James had had his eye on her before then… I needed to calm down. My back and arms were beginning to spasm with the strain of not jumping up to hit him. Sage sensed my anger—she always could—and she immediately ran her fingers through my hair, pushing a few strands out of my eyes. It calmed me, but only slightly… it was enough.

"Well," I shrugged. "Thanks for that, but we won't be requiring those or any other _services_ from you anymore. I can take care of _all_ of Sage's needs."

Michael shrugged, a malicious glint in his eyes. "Still… keep an eye on her… There are guys like James all over the place."

"Thanks for the tip." I replied, and I couldn't help adding a sarcastic, "I'll be sure to give you a call if I need any more."

He smirked. "Here's a freebie: She _loved_ it when I—"

"Mike!" Sage yelled. I could hear the panic in her voice and wondered _what_ she didn't want me to hear. I accidentally dug my fingers into her hip and she began prying them loose. "I need to talk to you in private." I was glaring at both of them as she started to follow him. I couldn't help myself. My mind was going a mile a minute and the only thing truly registering was that she was walking away from me, with _him_. I reached out and snatched Sage's fingers, holding her back. She looked at me, and whatever she saw in my face made her pause. I hoped she could read my feelings... that she'd understand I needed her to stay with me. "Jas, let me go." Instead, I tightened my grasp. She quirked an eyebrow at me and fixed me with a dangerous look. "Caveman, much? How about a little trust?" I took a deep breath and let her go.

My heart sunk as I watched her follow him away toward the bar. They stopped when they were far enough away that I wouldn't even be able to read their lips. I saw him take another drink and tried to comfort myself with the fact that he was most likely hammered, but it didn't work…

Sitting there, alone, it all hit me at once.

_What_ had he been about to tell me?

_Why_ did she feel she had to stop him from saying it?

_What_ did he do to her?

_How _did he touch her?

Do _I_ touch her the same way?

Did they do more than Sage led me to believe?

If so, did she enjoy _him_ more?

What doesn't she want me to know?

Did he do something different than what I do?

Did she like it better?

Did she like _him_ better?

Did she have sex with him and lie to me?

_Stop._

The questions just kept coming and it was as if I had no way of stopping them. I couldn't shut my brain down as I watched them talk.

Sage's back was to me, the smooth skin taunting me, and I wondered if _he_ knew how soft that skin was… how much she enjoyed having finger-pictures drawn across her back. She would get goosebumps when I would place quick kisses across her shoulders… did he know that before me? Had he ever noticed that there was a dimple in the back of each of her shoulders? She had none in her cheeks, but one in each shoulder. Had he ever noticed the faint scar on her right shoulder blade from when she tore her rotator cuff and had to have surgery to repair it?

_That's _years_ old… before she even met me… it's so faded, you almost can't see it unless you're looking for it._

Even in the near-dark, with the strobe lights going, I could almost make out that faint line on her back. All I wanted in that moment was to reach out and touch her, run my fingertips along her spine, kiss that scar, kiss those dimples.

And just like that, she was walking back to me. Her posture was rigid, she was angry and frustrated, but her eyes were tender. I couldn't even look at her directly. I stared past her, my eyes flicking down to see my fists clenched on the table.

"I'm sorry, Jazz. He's just being an ass." She sighed. I nodded, but I couldn't form words, so I didn't speak. "I didn't know he'd be here. I figured he'd have mentioned it when I saw him on campus the other day, but he didn't."

My anger spiked again as my eyes found her immediately. "_When_ did you see him on campus?" I growled.

She hesitated, and I could tell she was debating with herself whether or not it was worth it to get into it with me. "Uh… Tuesday? I guess… maybe?" I glared at her and she raised her hands in surrender. "Class got out early, remember? I was waiting for you."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked indignantly.

Her green eyes flashed in anger and she asked, "Should I report to you every time I take a breath as well?" she softened. "Jazz, he's a _friend_. I don't need to explain that to you." I stiffened at that.

_I'd like her to explain it._

_Thoroughly._

_Before my brain finally kicks in and I begin imagining them in different positions._

Sage shook her head. "I'm not going to argue about this with you here."

"Of course not." I snarked, and my hurt feelings came through loud and clear. "It's not like _my_ feelings matter, right?" I added sarcastically. She stared at me, shocked.

_That's not true. She cares how I feel._

_I hope._

_God, I hope!_

_Please fucking care._

She recovered, stepping closer, until we were nose to nose, and pulled me into the most passionate, fiery kiss we'd ever shared. She ran her fingers through my hair, stroked the nape of my neck, and opened her mouth to me, submitting to my explorations with a small whimper.

I pulled her to me, hugged her fiercely, as though she might disappear if my grip wasn't tight enough. She pulled back eventually, gasping for breath, and said, "Jasper, _you_ are all that matters to me." as she rested her forehead against mine. I tried to smile, but I was still uneasy about what had just happened, what I possibly didn't know about her relationship with Michael. "Do you wanna get out of here?" she asked, and I moaned as she kissed the sensitive spot just behind my ear.

I groaned and kissed the crook of her neck. "We _could_ just go into the handicapped stall in the ladies…" I teased, laughing as she smacked my arm. "Too soon?" she nodded and I kissed her deeply, slipping my tongue between her lips once again. "Yes, let's get out of here." I stood, wrapped my arm around her, and began leading her toward the door. I'd text Peter to let him know we were leaving once we hit the parking lot. As we passed the bar, I caught one final glimpse of Michael just as his eyes found Sage, and my arm tightened reflexively around her.

_**End Note: I like reviews. I send teasers in exchange for them.**_


	43. Hey Jealousy

_**A/N: I still don't own anything but Sage and the plot.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult language, situations, themes, and lemons. No one under 18, please.**_

_**Thanks to RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 for pre-reading.**_

_**Love always to HammerHips for being the best Schwoogie-Muffin a gal could ask for.**_

_**Also, thanks to HammerHips for allowing me to draw from her experience with Han Solo and Key Lime Pie for a little humor in this chapter :D**_

Chapter 42: Hey Jealousy

_Hey jealousy  
Hey jealousy  
Hey Jealousy  
Hey Jealousy  
You can trust me not to drink  
And not to sleep around  
And if you don't expect too much from me  
You might not be let down  
Cos all I really want is to be with you  
And feel like I matter too  
If I didn't blow the whole thing years ago  
I might be here with you_

-"Hey Jealousy" by Gin Blossoms

_**Sage POV**_

Jasper was somber the entire drive back to the hotel. Part of me was glad we'd decided to stay at the Bayview for the night. Emmett and Rosalie were headed to a party in Half Moon Bay with their friends and were planning on staying there for the night, but regardless, I felt better having the buffer of the hotel in the event Jasper and I ended up in a fight.

I'd seen him catch Michael looking at me as we left, felt him pull me closer, and I _knew_ I was probably about to see a demonstration of Caveman Jasper in action. I wasn't planning on taking it from him. I'd had entirely too much of that crap in my life from Emmett, there was no way I was going to take it from Jasper too.

However, as we drove, he was completely silent, so I'd busied myself with peeling the crystals off my face and putting them in a Ziploc bag I'd stashed in my purse. When we parked, Jasper took a deep breath and gripped the steering wheel.

"Did you sleep with him?"

I whipped around so fast, my neck cracked. "No!" I cried. "How could you even ask me that? You _know_—"

"I know what you _told_ me." He whispered.

_I can't believe he just said that to me!_

_ What the fuck!_

I took a deep breath and attempted to calm myself. "You're the only one I've ever had sex with, Jasper. You _know_ that." His grip tightened and his knuckles turned white. "What do you want me to say, Jazz? Huh? I can't read your mind."

"How did he touch you?"

"What?"

He released the steering wheel and turned to me, but his eyes were focused on the seat between us. "_How_ did he touch you? _What_ did he _do_?"

"Jasper, it doesn't—"

"Just tell me, Sage." He whispered.

I sighed and slid across the seat as I answered, "He fingered me."

He tensed immediately and I heard his jaw crack. "How did his hands feel?"

_Are we seriously having this conversation?_

I decided to answer anyway. I had the distinct feeling I wouldn't gain any ground if I didn't quell his insecurities. "Smooth… soft… gentle." I picked up his right hand and turned it palm up, running my fingertips over his rough palm and along his calloused fingers.

"Not like mine." He whispered hoarsely.

"No. Not like yours." I replied. "I like yours better." I was trying to reassure him, especially because it was the truth. Jasper's hands on me felt like Heaven.

His eyes slid closed and he took another deep breath. "Did he make you come?" My face fell.

_Shit._

_ Does he really need to know this?_

_ No… but it'll drive him crazy if I don't tell him._

"No." I sighed. "You… sort of interrupted it." He tensed again. "Jas, it was one time… one time and I didn't get off… as opposed to the possibly _hundreds_ of times you've gotten me off in the past few months."

That was no lie either. We'd been having a _lot_ of sex… Almost too much, but it was too hard to stop once we got started. I was slightly relieved when he gave me a small smile.

"Can we _please_ just forget about it?" I asked him.

"No." he answered, turning and climbing out of the truck.

I blinked several times, completely dumbfounded. I'd expected him to agree with me, to take me upstairs and go to bed with me. I hadn't expected to get blown off just like that.

_So much for gaining some ground by answering his questions._

My door opened and I jumped, spinning around to find him standing there, watching me expectantly. He held out his hand and helped me out before closing the door and leading me into the hotel and up to our room.

"Jas, talk to me." I whispered as the elevator stopped at the sixth floor. He ignored me and led me down the hall with his hand in the small of my back. "Please?"

He unlocked the door and allowed me inside first. I stopped in the narrow entry and listened to him close the door and flip the deadbolt, but I didn't turn around. I couldn't turn around. I was too angry to look at him. He wanted to be upset about something I'd done with someone who, at the time, was my _boyfriend_. Someone I had the _right_ to fool around with.

I almost toppled over as his fingers unbuckled the straps of my shoes and he lifted my feet one at a time to remove the evil heels. As he tossed them aside, he slowly massaged one calf and then the other, placing a kiss on the outside of each knee, before standing again.

My breath caught as I felt his lips graze the shell of my right ear. "Strip." He commanded.

I _almost_ answered with a resounding "Fuck you", but something in his tone sent a shot of heat straight to my nethers. Before I could answer him though, he was untying the straps of my top and pulling it away from my body.

"I said _strip_, Sage."

I took a deep breath, slid my skirt down, and stepped out of it, kicking it away before turning to face him. He was staring at my G-string, waiting for me to remove it, but I'd wanted to make sure he got the full shot of it before he ordered its removal.

He cocked an eyebrow as his eyes settled on the white fabric covering my sex and I felt a surge of triumph as he appeared slightly mollified. A tiny silver _J_ charm was attached to the front of my underwear. It was something I'd been hoping he'd discover while we undressed each other, but apparently I wasn't going to get the slow, sensual seduction I'd been planning for.

"Off." He commanded.

_Yes, Master._

_ Fuck…_

_ Hello there, Libido. I see you've brought along friends, because damn! I haven't been _this_ turned on in a while._

_ Fuck again…_

_ He needs to stop using that _tone_!_

I slid the G-string off and he nodded toward the bed. I sat down and then slid backward, resting against the headboard as he removed his clothes slowly.

My eyes widened with every bit of skin he revealed to me. I'd always appreciated Jasper's lean, but muscled physique, though I hadn't cared when, after a year of being out of the military and with his distractions in the form of Maria and Alice, he'd lost some of the toning and definition.

_Thank you Peter and your insane Road March demands… I shall worship at your altar every Sunday and give thanks as I lick… nevermind. Knowing Peter, he'd totally expect video._

His chest was defined again, his six-pack was back. My eyebrows shot up at the sight of the cut V in his hips, disappearing into his jeans.

_How the hell did I miss this? When did he get this all back?_

_ Wait…_

_ Frantic, not tantric._

_ Middle of the night sex._

_ Duh._

_ Busy with school, busy with work, barely awake, hardly noticed…_

_ Yup._

_ I need to spend more time with my boyfriend. I've been neglectful if I didn't notice the V._

He popped the button on his pants and removed them quickly, watching me watch him the entire time, and he was enjoying it.

_Ooh, boxer-briefs tonight. Interesting choice._

Jasper had been a boxer man since he was a teenager… except during his time in the desert when it was apparently _cooler_ (temperature-wise) to go commando.

I didn't have much time to admire the change in underwear before they were joining the rest of our clothes and I was watching him stroke himself. I bit my lip as I watched his hand glide up and down his length.

Instead of moving _toward_ me, however, Jasper moved to the armchair in the corner and sat down. I started to move off the bed, but he shook his head.

_Dammit, Jasper, get your hand off your dick._

He seemed to know what I was thinking because his eyes were full of mischief, but he continued stroking himself as he watched me. After several moments, he said, "Touch yourself."

_Say huh?_

_ OK… Not something I usually have an audience for…_

_ Why isn't _he_ touching me?_

"Touch. Yourself."

_That damn tone again!_

_ Forceful._

_ Commanding._

Fighting the blush that was threatening to overtake my entire body, I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was alone.

"Eyes open."

_Fuck!_

"Look at me." I opened my eyes. "Watch me while I watch you."

Sighing, I bit my lip and tried to focus, fighting the blood rising in my cheeks. I raised one hand to my breasts and began pinching and rolling my nipples as I slid the other between my legs to circle my clit.

"That's it." He murmured quietly, smiling a little. "Two fingers inside. Now."

_Fuck me…_

_ PLEASE!_

I did as he said and moaned a little at the penetration. My fingers weren't nearly as long as Jasper's, and I hadn't touched myself since we'd begun exploring each other physically.

_I didn't need to… he was busy slipping his hand up my skirt every chance he got…_

_ Don't complain… those were some good orgasms…_

I curled my fingers and bucked my hips a little as I found the sweet spot I hadn't known existed until Jasper had found it. Jasper's breathing was heavy and ragged now, his rhythm becoming more disjointed, until he finally sprang up and grabbed me by the hips, pulling me off the bed to stand in front of him.

"Suck me."

_That fucking tone!_

I enjoyed a good blowjob, though it was rare when he'd actually let me do it. For some reason, he was self-conscious about it. He'd never _asked_ for one before, let alone _demanded_.

I couldn't help myself. I immediately sunk to my knees, keeping my eyes on his as I licked him from base to tip. He moaned softly as I took him in my mouth and swirled my tongue around the head, his hands finding their way into my hair, setting a slow, torturous pace.

I smiled, enjoying the taste and feel of him, especially as he tensed in what I knew was an attempt to keep from coming in my mouth. After that first blowjob, he always made sure to stop me before, preferring to finish inside me.

_Maybe he'll…_

I hummed and slid my hands up his muscular thighs and around to dig my nails into his ass.

"Fuck!" he hissed, pulling out of my mouth immediately.

_Guess not._

Before I could register what was happening, Jasper was pulling me to my feet and spinning me around to face the small vanity table. He pushed me against it, bent me at the hips and kicked my feet apart. Our eyes locked in the mirror as he lined himself up at my entrance and I cried out in pleasure as he slammed into me.

"Eyes open, dammit!" he hissed, picking up a quick pace. I hadn't even realized I'd closed them again, but I immediately opened them. I loved the tone too much, the commanding Jasper who wasn't just confident, but demanding in his sexual needs. "Watch me as I fuck you. I want to see your face, see your eyes."

I cried out again as I felt a sharp slap against my ass, but I kept my eyes open and trained on his face in the mirror as he thrust into me over and over.

"That's it…" he murmured, and then his arm snaked around my chest and he was pulling me into a more upright position, still maintaining his frantic rhythm. "Do you like _this_?" he asked and I gasped as I felt his other hand slide across my stomach and down until he was circling my clit with his index finger. I couldn't form a coherent thought, so I simply nodded. "I can't _hear_ you, Sage. Tell me."

I gasped again as my orgasm began to build. "God, yes… Jasper, I love this."

He smiled and bit my neck. "No one's ever touched you like this… No one's _ever_ made you feel this good, have they?"

"No!" I cried as he pinched my right nipple. "Only you." I was rewarded with a pinch to my clit and I cried out as my orgasm slammed into me. Jasper wasn't slowing down though, instead, his thrusts became even more erratic as he clutched me to him.

"Tell me your mine. You don't want _anyone_ but me."

"Just you!" I answered as my second orgasm began to build. "I'm yours, Jasper. Just yours." I reached it faster, and with little help. His voice, the tone, spurred me on as though he'd had his finger on the button the entire time, but he sensed I was close and took his finger away.

"Come with me." He grunted and I released with a strangled sob as his cock twitched within me. His hands were back at my hips, holding me in place as he thrust through his orgasm, grunting and groaning, and then he slumped forward and I leaned against the vanity, supporting us both as we panted and attempted to slow our heart rates.

He withdrew from me a few moments later and lifted me, carrying me carefully into the bathroom so he could start the shower. I couldn't help but smile at the fact that even though it hadn't been our normal lovemaking, he was still sticking with our normal routine.

Once the water was warm enough, he pulled me under the spray and crushed his lips to mine in what I knew was an apology of sorts, telling me without words that he hadn't meant to be so rough.

We washed each other slowly, taking our time as well as being hindered by the fact that Jasper seemed to feel the need to remain connected at the lips as much as possible.

When we were out, and dried off, we lay down in bed and I draped myself across his chest. He stroked my hair and kissed me softly before saying, "I'm sorry… I don't know what came over me. It kinda felt like I was here, but _not_… like I wasn't in my body, in control of my actions." His fingertips ghosted over the red welt on my ass. "I'm so sorry."

All I could do was smile. "I didn't mind the sex." He quirked an eyebrow at me. "Jazz, I've never minded you being rough… I kind of prefer it most of the time." He was staring at me now. "I _enjoyed_ myself… I _liked_ it." I assured him. "Even the little slap." I drew in a shuddering breath. "There's something about that tone you were using… the way you were so commanding… I couldn't say no." I felt the blush creeping into my cheeks. "And believe me, this little encounter of ours almost started out with me telling you to fuck off."

He sighed and looked away. "You should have."

"_No_." I replied forcefully, gaining me his attention again. "I loved it. It was sexy and hot and I love seeing that side of you. I love that you can do that to me, and I love that when you're in the moment, you're comfortable enough to be that way with me." I kissed him tenderly. "_But_," I added and he winced. "You need to understand that I'm friends with Michael… and Alec… and _Paul_… and everyone else I suspect you've always harbored some jealousy over." He nodded quietly, his eyes averted. "It doesn't mean I want them, Jasper. It means I'm friends with them… though after Mike's display tonight, I may have to reevaluate." He gave a small smile at that. "But Jas, _you_ are the most important person to me, I'm not going to jeopardize this and you need to trust me."

"I do." He insisted, sighing and rolling his eyes. "It's me I don't trust… There are so many other guys out there and I'm scared you'll decide you want someone else. What'll I do then? I can't lock you up and keep you to myself."

I shook my head. "You're an idiot." a flash of hurt crossed his face at those words. "Jas, who could I _possibly_ want more than you? I've wanted to be with you for _years_!" I stroked his hair out of his eyes. "Besides, you're the one who could do better… you _should_ have a girlfriend without so much baggage… and fewer complications."

"I like the girlfriend I've got." He grumbled. "And her baggage and complications."

"All the better for me then." I murmured, kissing his chest.

It dawned on me in that moment, as I watched Jasper relax, that I had said the word _love_ five times in the past two hours… four of them in the past ten minutes… I was careful when speaking to Jasper, always. I _liked_ things he did to me, and I _really liked_ things, but I never _loved_ them. It put it out there and the _vibes_ or whatever would find a way to screw with me… Charlotte was rubbing off on me.

But it felt _good_ to say that I _loved_ something.

_And yet, I still can't take that extra little step…_

_Back off! It's fucking scary!_

_What if he doesn't say it back?_

_What if he does?_

That last one was probably the scariest unknown of all to me.

I tamped the anxiety down and kissed Jasper's chest again before sliding off and curling into his side to sleep.

_**Jasper POV**_

_Sage likes it rough._

I couldn't help the fact that the _guy_ part of my brain had kicked into overdrive because of that admission from her. I also couldn't help the fact that I still felt bad for being _so_ rough with her, but I kept reminding myself that Sage would've told me if I'd hurt her or she hadn't liked it.

_Sage likes it rough._

_ Sage likes it rough._

_ Sage likes it rough._

I couldn't get the stupid little chant out of my head and my mind kept playing different fantasies I'd had but never had the guts to get into with her. They weren't heavy, they weren't dangerous, just a little less gentlemanly than I was used to being with her. Bed, shower, dresser. Those were our spots. But I'd had fantasies of pinning her against a wall and pounding into her; pinning her hands above her head and making her scream my name…

_Fuck! _

I shifted in my computer chair in an attempt to hide my engorged cock. She wasn't paying attention anyway, but I sure as hell was paying attention to her…

Sage was laying on her stomach on my bed with a Humanities text open in front of her, her black wire-rimmed glasses perched precariously on the end of her nose as she highlighted bits and pieces she felt were important for her outlines. She was dressed in one of her plain black wife-beaters and the denim cutoff skirt… every time I saw that skirt, I immediately wanted to reach under it and slip my fingers into her heat.

My dick twitched and I shifted again as I watched her bend her knees so that her feet curved over her back. I licked my lips when she adjusted her position a little and her knees parted a bit, allowing me a peek at her pale pink lace cheekies.

_Not the cheekies…_

She knew they were my favorites… I loved how her ass looked in them. I loved them even more when they were lace. So sensual. She adjusted again and I chewed my lip as the lace crept along her hips, bunching a little.

I groaned and slammed my own book shut before climbing onto the bed and hovering over her. She didn't even acknowledge me, simply flipped the page and kept reading.

"You're driving me crazy." I murmured, running my nose along her shoulder. _Squeak… squeak… squeak…_ I really hated that highlighter. It was killing the mood I was trying to set by squeaking across the glossy pages. I pressed my erection into her ass, but she still didn't acknowledge me. "You feel how much I want you?" _Squeak… squeak… flip… squeak… squeak…_ I bit her shoulder and there was a sharp intake of breath, but no recognition otherwise. "Sweetheart… I'm horny and hard and I've been staring at your ass for the better part of an hour… and I think you've just started putting on that peep show between your legs because you want me too." _Squeak… squeak… squeak…_ She pushed her glasses further up her nose and flipped the page again. _Squeak… squeak… squeak…_ I groaned. "Sage, please say something…" there was a quiet giggle in response.

_Oh fuck no! She's fucking with me! ON PURPOSE!_

I slid a hand under her skirt and grabbed the waistband of the panties before yanking them down to her knees in one fluid movement. I peeled them the rest of the way off and moved my hand back under the rough denim, smiling as I traced a finger along her slit and found her slick and ready. She was still ignoring me, still highlighting away, even as I slid two fingers into her.

"If you don't start reacting to me, I'm just gonna take what I want… And I won't care if you get yours." I threatened, though we both knew it was a lie. I loved to give her orgasms almost more than I loved having them. Watching her come, watching her skin flush and her muscles tighten, feeling her ripple around me… was probably the most amazing thing for me. I could watch her do it for hours and never get bored.

"You wouldn't do that." She murmured. "I know you love to make me come."

_She's fucking challenging me…_

_ Well… I did make the threat, and yet I'm still working her clit…_

"SAGE! JASPER!"

"Fuck!" I grunted, shoving her underwear into my pocket and moving back to my chair. Sage immediately closed her legs and we both pretended to still be studying.

"Where the hell are you guys?" Emmett called.

"In here!" Sage answered.

A moment later, the door opened and Emmett leaned in the frame. "I was gonna order pizza… you want some?"

"Where's Rose?" Sage asked. "Tonight's spaghetti night."

He shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah… she's not really _speaking_ to me right now…"

"What'd you do to my sister, McCarty?" I growled.

He sighed. "Let's just say it involves Princess Leia and Han Solo costumes, a Key Lime pie, and sex." We both retched at that. "Yeah… I don't wanna talk about it."

"Sage and I will find our own dinner… thanks…" I replied. Emmett shrugged and closed the door.

She waited until we could hear him walking above us before turning and wiggling her cute ass at me. "You gonna give me back my panties?" I shook my head. "You know, if you keep stealing all my cheekies to feed your sick little obsession," she smirked at the offended look on my face, "Then I'll run out… and then you won't be able to practically jack off at the sight of them." I felt the heat rise in my face. I hadn't realized she'd noticed me stroking myself a few weeks ago when we'd been doing pretty much the same thing, except she'd been more responsive and less ornery. "Jazz, I don't mind you being turned on… but I do appreciate a good pair of underwear… and those are Victoria's Secret. They're not cheap." I groaned and handed over the panties. She took them, stood, and walked over to flip the lock on both access doors before striding back over to stand in front of me.

"I just handed you my _I Got Sex_ trophy and you're not even gonna put them back on?" I snarked.

"_Technically _you didn't get sex." She smiled and shook her head before leaning down to kiss me passionately. "And no… you started something. I think you need to finish it." She whispered huskily.

_Oh fuck, yes please._

I'd never been so thankful that my computer chair didn't have arms as when she yanked my shirt off, undid my pants and pulled them down and off, before straddling me and sinking down onto my erection… still in that fucking cutoff skirt.

I moaned and smiled as she began moving and I gasped as she bit my shoulder, because normally I bit her—my own little way to claim what's mine, my silent way of saying _I love you_ because I'm a coward.

"Can this count as fulfilling your naughty schoolgirl fantasy?" she murmured as I captured her lips.

"Fuck!" I groaned. "This is so much fucking better." I cupped her ass and lifted her a little before slamming her back down as she dug her nails into my shoulders and crushed her lips to mine so I could swallow her moans while we climaxed together. I smiled as she rested her head in the crook of my neck, sighing and nuzzling me. "Move out with me." I murmured.

_Fuck!_

_So not the fucking time!_

_Well… we'd need to put notice in…_

She pulled away slightly so that she could look me in the eyes. "Are you serious?" All I could do was nod, uncomfortable under her gaze. Not for the first time, I wished I knew what the hell was going on in her head. She stood and I immediately grabbed her hips to keep her with me. "Jasper, let go." I took a deep breath and resisted the urge to plead with her. "I'm coming back… I just want to clean up. This isn't a conversation to be had right this second."

I released her and she retreated into the bathroom. I heard the shower kick on, but I didn't move. I wasn't sure if I was welcome.

_**End Note: Leave me review, I'll send you a teaser.**_


	44. Secrets Part 1

_**A/N: I don't own anything.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult themes, situations, language, and lemons. If you are under 18, you should not be reading it.**_

_**Thanks, as always, to RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 for pre-reading.**_

_**HammerHips is the Muffin of Schwoogie and I love her. Lots.**_

_*****OK, I'm sorry, because I should've noted this for everyone sooner, and this is total EpicFail on my part, but I will not be posting every 2 days anymore. I've almost caught up to myself, and unless I want everyone to take out a hit on me, I need to slow down the posting schedule again so that I don't run out of chapters to post… SO… Sunday is posting day. Sorry guys! I know it sucks, but it's getting really difficult to write because I'm at a very difficult part for Sage, plus the fact that it's getting so close to the end and I'm really starting to wax nostalgic and all… Bear with me, please!**_

Chapter 43: Secrets Part 1

_In the dark  
In the darkness you will find  
Dirty little secrets we all hide  
Cause we all have a darker side  
A place we keep where no one else will find  
Cause everybody wants to hide their secrets away  
Nobody wants to stand up to the pain  
But I will...  
Stand up to the pain  
Wake up and fight again  
If you could  
Dance with me through this rain  
We will fight  
We'll fight again  
Fight again_

-"Secrets" by Good Charlotte

_**Sage POV**_

"Move out with me."

_Holy what the fuck?_

How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? Especially when it was coming post-orgasm high? I knew how I _wanted_ to respond…

_But what if he was just caught up in the moment?_

_Fuck…_

_And why isn't he coming to take a shower with me?_

I stuck my head out of the bathroom and caught his eye. He seemed so nervous, so unsure. "You coming?" I asked quietly. He breathed a sigh of relief and followed me into the shower. As soon as we were reasonably soaked, I pulled his face to mine and kissed him, attempted to reassure him that I wasn't going to run and he relaxed gradually.

He sighed and rested his forehead against mine as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Are we talking about it now?" he whispered, his eyes sliding closed.

"No." I answered simply. His eyes popped open and his brow furrowed in worry. "We're going to talk about it tomorrow morning. When I know you're head's clear and you're not saying random stuff because of an orgasm high."

_Give him a chance to come to his senses…_

"I meant it." He insisted.

"I'll believe it when you ask me again tomorrow." I whispered, pulling his mouth back to mine. "Besides… I have some thinking to do."

"You don't want to live with me?" he whispered hoarsely.

"I do!" I kissed him again. "God, Jazz, of course I do! Are you kidding me? To not have to hide? I want that for us so bad!" I kissed him again. "But there's stuff to be figured out… I should probably talk to Doctor Cullen… we'd need to figure out when to tell _them_…" I kissed him again. "Of course I want to move in with you." He relaxed even further, smiling as our lips met over and over in a sensual dance.

He pulled away again, holding me at arm's length so he could study me. He seemed to want to say something, but found it too difficult and he sighed, giving me a small smile. "We'll tell them together."

"When the time is _right_." I insisted. "But not before."

"Not before." He agreed, pulling me close again.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed his chest, smiling when he gave a little shiver. "It still baffles you, doesn't it?" I murmured.

"Yeah… a little." He answered. "They're so ugly."

"They're beautiful." I argued, kissing the scar on his right shoulder. I knew he hated it the most because it was so prominent. "I love your scars. They're a part of you."

_There's that _love_ word again._

_I'm throwing that around a lot lately._

It shouldn't have been such a big deal. I'd always signed off my letters to Jasper with _hugs and love_… it _shouldn't_ have been such a big fucking deal to me… but it was. I'd been so scared for years that I'd be alone forever, that I'd never find love, and I'd end up in some Jane Eyre parody as the crazy sister in the attic instead of the crazy wife. I'd wanted more than anything to _love_ Michael, though now I understood that it was never possible because my heart had always been with Jasper… but the waking up? The coming to and realizing that the tugging on my heart that I'd always felt for Jasper; the need to be near him; the need to hug him and touch him and comfort him… realizing that I was _in love_ with him?

Jasper had no idea what he was asking me when he'd requested we move out of this house and find a place of our own. I was still so stuck in my old ways, so scared to move in case he might disappear… this house… it was the only place Jasper and I had ever truly been _together_; the only place where we'd laughed, played, fought, made up, made love… no other structure could say it had contained all of that. What if we left and Jasper disappeared from my world?

_I'd die._

Complicating matters further was the fact that Emmett and I had been somewhat getting along for several weeks. It was our new record… previously it was only a few days, but we hadn't yelled, jibed, or anything for _weeks_. Things seemed to be taking an upswing… and he would be _pissed_ when Jasper and I came out of the proverbial closet.

_And hurt. He'll probably be hurt._

_Well… he can't really blame me for hiding._

_Yes he can._

And as loath as I was to hurt Emmett (or anger him, for that matter), I knew I was doing what had to be done if Jasper and I were to survive. If we'd come right out and been honest, our home lives would have been a living hell. I'd dealt with Emmett my entire life and I was used to his crap… but there was no way I could've expected Jasper to live like that. Emmett had Rosalie and they were going to have a family together. I wanted those same things for Jasper and I. I wanted to go places with him, learn and love with him, fight and make up and go through all the messy, complicated shit a relationship is supposed to be with _Jasper_… because with Jasper, it was never complicated. It had always come back to him. I couldn't lose him. I just couldn't.

When I awoke the next morning, Jasper was sitting on the edge of my bed, waiting for me. I smiled and tugged on the sleeve of his grey hoodie and he laid down next to me.

"Where's Emmett and Rose?"

"Off to work already." He answered, pressing a kiss to the tip of my nose. I smiled and he snuggled closer before looking me directly in the eyes and asking, "Will you move out of this place with me? Will you come live with me? Just me?"

I wanted to smile and say _yes_ immediately. Who wouldn't? Someone who wasn't in their right mind, that's who… and according to my shrinks and Group, _I_ wasn't.

I chewed my lip for a minute and Jasper's hopeful expression faded. "You didn't think I actually meant it." He whispered.

"No, it's not that… I knew you did…" I mumbled, shrinking away from him.

"What then? You don't want to?" I sighed and his brow furrowed. "Sage, tell me."

I purposely averted my eyes to stare at the ugly peach colored sheets of my bed. "Emmett and I are starting to get along…" I murmured. "And what if we move out and move in together and you decide you don't like me so much anymore because you don't have an Emmett to protect me from."

He hooked my chin and tilted my head up to look me in the eye. "Emmett's never had any influence on how I feel about you. _You_ are all the influence I need." He kissed me softly. "And _we_ will deal with Emmett. Together."

"You shouldn't have to deal with Emmett at all." I sighed sadly.

"_Neither_ should _you_." He answered roughly. He gave me a stern look and continued, "Sage, I want to be with you. I want to be able to take you to out to dinner and kiss you in public and make love to you in _our_ bed."

_Holy shit! He called it making love!_

_Does that mean?_

_No._

_It doesn't mean anything except he prefers the gentler way of referring to sex._

I grasped the white tunic he was wearing under his hoodie and pulled him closer so that I could press my lips to his. "Yes."

He smiled and didn't bother to ask what I was saying yes to. He knew. "That's all I needed to hear."

_**Jasper POV**_

Alright, I can admit when I've been an idiot. This whole agreeing to tell Emmett when the _time is right_? Complete and utter bullshit. I. Am. An. Idiot. A big one.

Because not only were Sage and Emmett kinda getting along, they were _actually_ getting along. I mean _actually_. As in he took a Saturday and took her to the aquarium to see the new shark exhibit… because apparently Sage loves sharks.

We had a fight about that one. She'd never told me she liked sharks and it's so fucking stupid and mundane! She fucking DVR'd Shark Week and watched it while I slept because it's her _thing_… which is to say she freaked herself out and had nightmares for a full week, but she _loves_ sharks.

What.

The.

Fuck.

We made up fairly quickly, but only because she pointed out that sharks freak me the fuck out, and she pointed out that we weren't _together_ in July… but I was still a bit pissed that in seven years, she'd never once mentioned it.

Still… they were _getting along_. They made _jokes_. Fuck me, once, they even _hugged_. It was downright freaky!

And of course, I felt like an ass. I wanted her to get along with Emmett, truly I did, but I could tell that she was beginning to reconsider things… like maybe sticking around to see if they could have a real sibling relationship, though she never said as much, I could still tell. She didn't have that zeal you should have when looking for apartments.

We'd already spoken to our landlords and put in notice, but we still hadn't spoken to Emmett and Rosalie about it. Thankfully, they wouldn't be hard-up for rent money, we were being charged by the person, not a solid amount for the whole house.

And then one day, it all came to a head and I exploded. Emmett and Rose had told us they were headed for Half Moon Bay, so of course, we were excited to be left to our own devices. I'd suggested maybe we head into San Francisco and stay at the Bayview, maybe spend the weekend on the beach, and Sage had readily agreed.

No sooner had we walked into the hotel lobby, than Sage immediately ducked into a small alcove. I looked around and groaned as my eyes landed on Emmett and Rose, checking in at the registration desk.

_Fuck me._

_Yeah right…_

We drove home, completely forgetting our original plans, but I tried my best to wing it. She'd been spending so much time with Emmett lately, I'd just wanted a night for us; one where we could take things slow, kiss and touch, where I could withhold her release just a little bit longer, where I didn't have to feel like a Two-Pump Chump because we were risking getting caught…

But Sage was feeling _guilty_. She just wouldn't tell me if she was feeling guilty that we had to change our plans or guilty that we lying to Emmett. It didn't matter. I hit the roof.

"We need to tell them. Now."

"No."

"Why not?" I cried.

"Because it's not right. Not right now. They're stressed with baby stuff and Emmett's planning on proposing to Rose. We don't need to add to that." She didn't even bother to look up from that damned Humanities text. She'd busted out with it almost as soon as we'd gotten home and hadn't put it down for almost two days!

I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself. "Why is Emmett waiting so fucking long? It's _December_. She's due in April."

She shrugged. "He didn't want to propose right away and make her think it was just because of the baby."

"We need to tell them."

"No."

"Dammit, Sage!" I yelled. Thankfully, Emmett and Rose were still at work. She still didn't bother to look at me, so I grabbed her hips and flipped her over before climbing onto the bed and sitting next to her. "Do you not want to go? Seriously? Do you not want to be with me anymore?"

"Do they go hand in hand?" she asked and I felt as though I'd been slapped.

"Of course not." I answered, but I felt like a piece of me was dying.

She sighed and sat up, crawling into my lap. "Jazz, Emmett and I have _never_ had a conversation where one of us didn't end up pissed, offended, or upset." I nodded knowingly. "We've never spent any real time together…" Fuck. She was guilting me. "I'm scared to screw this up, can't you see that?"

"And what about us? Are you scared of screwing us up?"

"I thought being with you and living with you didn't go hand in hand." She argued, her cheeks pinking in anger.

"They don't, but I'm tired of being a secret and if you don't tell him, then I will."

_Maybe…_

_That would screw things up for me by proxy though…_

_And I wouldn't hurt Sage for the world._

"You wouldn't." she whispered and I could tell she was scared… not of me, or what I might do, but of Emmett's reaction, of losing what they were building.

"I won't be a secret, Sage. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of hiding and pretending you're nothing more than a friend. I'm tired of acting indifferent when one of his friends hits on you. I'm tired of having to almost _ignore_ you whenever he's around. I _cannot_ and _will not_ do that anymore." I sighed, steeling myself.

Instead of answering me, she climbed off my lap, off the bed, slammed her text, and took it through the bathroom and into her room. The door slammed and I heard the lock click.

Since we'd gotten together, she hadn't locked me out once.

I couldn't help the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I resolved to give her the night to think it over and cool down before I started poking at the wound again.

However, the door was still locked the next morning, so I headed upstairs to get some coffee. Rosalie and Sage were in the kitchen, Sage nursing a mug of coffee as Rosalie rambled on and on and on about men not being worth it.

"What's up?" I asked, hoping Sage would see that I wasn't mad and, in turn, not be mad at me.

"Oh, Sage is having _man_ trouble." Rosalie scowled. "I guess it's a black cloud hanging over this house. Emmett's got it in his head this baby's going to be named _Oona_." She huffed and poured me a cup of coffee, handing it to me. "But at least if I focus on Sage's problem, then I won't have to think about Emmett right now." She smiled. "So come on. Spill it." Sage slouched on her stool and took a sip of coffee. "Come on! It can't be that bad!"

"Rose, why don't you leave her alone?" I sighed.

She flipped me the bird, still staring at Sage. "Come on, Sage… what happened? Did you guys break up?"

Sage's face became the exact shade of a tomato. "Not exactly." She mumbled quietly.

"But are you _together_?" Rosalie pressed.

"I don't know." She said even quieter.

Rosalie sighed, nodding. "Well… there's only one thing for it." We both cocked eyebrow at her. "You go out with someone else. If he gets jealous, you'll know exactly where he stands and whatever you're fighting about won't seem so important."

"Rose…" I warned. There was no way in hell Sage was going to go out with some random jackass just to make me jealous. She wouldn't do it, and I wouldn't let her. I'd tie to the bed for a month to keep that from happening.

"Seriously, Jasper! I mean, you can't disagree."

"I can and do!"

"Why?" she challenged, her eyes still on Sage. She reached out and patted Sage's hand that was resting on top of the bar. "Sage, if there's one thing I learned after all the jerks I dated _before_ Royce, it's this: If you want to get _over_ someone, you have to get _under_ someone else."

Before I could stop myself, I'd slammed my palm against the bar and yelled, "Rosalie Hale!"

Although Rose jumped, Sage hadn't. She'd been expecting my reaction from the tone in my voice.

But now Rose was staring at me, and glancing at Sage. "Oh. My. God." She whispered.

"Fuck!" Sage hissed, springing off her stool and sprinting for the basement door before either of us could stop her.

Rosalie hadn't even appeared to notice. She was too busy staring wide-eyed at me. "Jasper?" she asked and I focused on the floor. "Jasper Nathaniel, are you… are _you_ Sage's secret boyfriend?" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before looking her in the eye. She seemed to take all she needed from that gesture. "_How_ could you not tell me? Or Emmett?" she whispered.

"How would Emmett have reacted, Rose?" I asked and she blanched. "Exactly. Sage didn't want to tell you two."

"And you?"

I sighed. Now was as good a time as any. "She's been saying we'll do it when the time is _right_, whatever the fuck that means… but they've been getting along and now she's having second thoughts because she doesn't want to ruin what they're building."

Her eyes narrowed at me. "What aren't you telling me, Jasper?"

I groaned and gulped some coffee. "Sage and I gave the Kensingtons notice… We've been looking for an apartment." She became impossibly paler with that admission. "That's what the fight was over… she's scared of screwing things up with Emmett, scared of him being mad… and she's having second thoughts about moving out." She didn't react to that. "Rosalie, you can't tell him. If you do, before Sage has had time to prepare for the fallout, they may never be OK again."

She blinked. "The lease is up at the end of January."

"I know that."

She sighed. "I'll give you until the fifteenth. After that," she shrugged. "You'll take whatever he dishes out." I rolled my eyes, but nodded just the same. "Good. Now go fix things with her." She nodded toward the basement.

"Why are you being so cool with this?" I asked suspiciously.

Rose smirked. "Jasper, I've known you your entire life. I've never seen you happier than when you've been around Sage… and I have a feeling I can narrow down _when_ this started happening… August." I blinked. "You got this goofy grin on your face in August… and it just sorta never left." My brow furrowed in confusion. "Jasper, I want you to be happy. I'd be blind if I didn't see that Sage has always been your happiness."

"Why doesn't Emmett see that?"

She gave me a sad smile. "He does… he just also sees that you could do so much damage if you hurt her… I think that's why he was a lot more OK with Michael than you wanted him to be."

_The fuck?_

"What are you talking about?" I asked, tamping down the green-eyed monster that was growling at the near-verboten name.

She shrugged. "He saw that Michael was never a threat to Sage's happiness. She was OK, she was taken care of… but he'd never have hurt her. Even if he tried, he wouldn't have mattered. You've _always_ mattered." She sighed again. "Now, _go_ fix things with her."

I turned on my heel and immediately strode to the basement door and down the stairs. Sage's door was locked again. I sighed and leaned my head against it. "Baby, please?"

_Bad._

_Fucking._

_Move._

The door whipped open so fast I fell forward and almost toppled to the floor, but the anger in Sage's eyes seemed to freeze me in place. "_Baby_? We're back to _Baby_ again?"

_Fuck…_

"Sage—"

"You only ever call me that when you're nervous about something, so you better just—"

I grabbed her shoulders and yanked her to me, pressing my mouth to hers and kissing her passionately. Her arms immediately wound around my neck and I stroked my fingertips up and down her back.

Suddenly she reached around me, slamming the door shut, before backing us up to the bed and laying down. I braced myself on my elbows, completely lost in her sweet kisses as her legs wrapped around my hips.

"I don't wanna fight, Jas." She whispered against my lips.

"I don't either." I practically whined. "I just want to be a regular couple." I moved my kisses to her neck and shoulders. "I don't want to have to hide. I feel like you think we've got something to be ashamed of and I don't see it that way."

"I don't either." She murmured, rubbing the nape of my neck. "And we don't have anything to be ashamed of." She affirmed. "Jas, I don't want to lose you."

"You won't." I assured her, my tone vehement. "You won't. I promised you I'd never let Emmett screw this up and I meant it."

She sighed and kissed me again. "I know." I nuzzled her cheek before resting my head in the crook of her neck. "I still want to move in with you." I couldn't help but smile at that. "I don't want to give you up."

"You don't have to." I murmured, pressing my lips to hers again. She ground her hips into mine and I groaned. I needed to stop this before we got too far. Rosalie was upstairs, expecting me to make things right, but I wouldn't have put it past her to come check on us. Knowing Sage was having sex, and knowing it was with me, was one thing; catching us _in flagrante delicto_ (as Sage always called it whenever we almost got caught) was another matter entirely. "No." I whispered as her hand moved to my belt. "No, Rose's upstairs and she's expecting me to make things right, not fuck you on sight." I groaned as she pressed into me again.

"Rose… _shit_!"

_Fuck._

She was pushing me off of her before I could stop her and then I was hitting the floor and she was sitting upright on the bed. "She fucking _knows_!" she hissed, tears welling up in her eyes. "She fucking _knows_ and she's going to tell him and it's going to be so much fucking _worse_ and—"

I grabbed her hand and pulled her down into my lap, adjusting her so that she straddled my thighs so I could hug her. "She's not going to tell him." I whispered, smiling a little as she scoffed her disbelief. I nuzzled her neck and kissed her shoulder, rocking us back and forth as she clung to me. "It's OK, Darlin'." But then I sighed, remembering Rose's ultimatum. "We have until the fifteenth to tell him."

She sat back so she could look at me. "The… fifteenth." She murmured.

"Of January." I confirmed. "I told her we were moving out and had already given notice… she's giving us until the fifteenth to get things squared with Emmett."

She sighed. "Happy fucking birthday to me…"

"Hey, there's five days to cool down… and only if we wait until the very last minute." I snarked, trying to lighten the mood. Sage wasn't amused. "Sage, we've known this was coming… maybe the ultimatum was what we needed to get things moving?" she shrugged. "We're in this together."

Sage rolled her eyes. Most of the time I hated that move from her because it meant she thought I was being an ass, but this time, it made me smile. "I know we are."

"Then stop acting like you think I'll disappear as soon as things get tough. If that's how it was going to be, I'd have chosen Maria over you." I kissed her deeply at that, trying to force her to understand that there was never any option other than her.

I wanted so badly to tell her that I loved her, but with the added stress, I knew it wouldn't be a good time. I could practically see her tense up in my mind, how the muscles of her back would ripple and lock and her shoulders would cringe, her tiny fists balling and releasing… No. It wasn't the right time.

_Fuck._

_If not _now_, then _when?

_After she says it to me?_

_Yeah right._

_Fuck._

"Hey, where'd you go?" she whispered, pulling me out of my inner monologue. I snapped to attention and simply smiled at her. "Where were you just now?"

I shrugged. "Just thinking."

"About what?" she asked, frowning.

"About you… why are you looking at me that way?" she shrugged and her face fell. "What? What is it?"

She sighed and kissed me quickly. "I used to space out on Michael like that… and I was always thinking of you."

I grinned at that. It was good to know that even then, she'd been thinking of me instead of being completely his. "Funny. When I space out, I always think of you." I was trying to be sly in my reassurances. I knew she'd feared there'd been someone else on my mind.

"Ass." She whispered, smiling.

"Yes, you have a very nice one, actually." I snarked, pretending to attack her neck with my teeth while she giggled.

Sage hugged me tighter for a moment and placed a quick kiss on my neck. "You know how much you mean to me, right?" she whispered into my shoulder.

My heart nearly stopped at those words.

_Is she?_

_Does she?_

_Fuck…_

_Answer her, Moron._

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, I think I do…" I whispered back.

She sighed and pulled away, standing up and digging around in her desk drawer before returning to me and sitting down with her back against the bed. She held out an envelope and I took it from her, noting that it was the same stationery she'd always written to me on.

_What the fuck?_

"Don't read it now." She told me. "I've been talking through some issues with Doctor Cullen." Her eyes were on her toes now. "And he and I agree that you and I can't be living _together_ with them unresolved or without them at least addressed. He suggested maybe I'd have an easier time addressing them with you if I wrote you a letter… so…" she motioned to the envelope.

"When am I allowed to read it?" I asked, my throat suddenly dry.

She sighed and closed her eyes, pressing her lips into a thin line. "Charlotte's coming to get me tomorrow after Group. She'll follow me up to the Triple K and I'll leave you the truck and she'll take me up to the vineyard." She held up her hand as I opened my mouth to speak. "I'm only going to be there for the night. I just… I have this feeling you'll need some time to process before we sit down to talk."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, afraid to open them again. I heard her shifting and then she was in my lap again, peppering my face with kisses. "Just promise me you'll be coming back in the morning." I murmured through clenched teeth, not bothering to open my eyes.

The pressure of her mouth increased as her lips met mine and she tugged my hair lightly. "Promise." She whispered.

_**End Note: Teasers for reviewers.**_


	45. Adam's Song

_**A/N: Everything except Sage belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult themes, language, situations, and lemons. Please, no one under 18.**_

_**Love to RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 for pre-reading.**_

_**Love to HammerHips for being my Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

_*****Yes, I KNOW this is not a Sunday and yet I'm posting, and I'm SORRY, but I HAVE to do it today! "Control" has been nominated for two categories in the Original Character Awards! Sage has been nominated for "Best Female" and "Best Anti-Mary-Sue". Voting opens today (December 1, GMT), so head on over to http:/ originalcharacteraward (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2010/11/use-your-vote (dot) html and vote! If I win in my categories, I'll write and post a super-special outtake!**_

Chapter 44: Adam's Song

_I never conquered, rarely came  
Tomorrow holds such better days  
Days when I can still feel alive  
When I can't wait to get outside  
The world is wide, the time goes by  
The tour is over, I'd survived  
I can't wait till I get home  
To pass the time in my room alone_

-"Adam's Song" by Blink-182

_**Jasper POV**_

_Jasper,_

_I wish I had the courage to actually talk about this with you. Unfortunately, I think some habits truly do die hard, because I know this isn't an easy subject for you, and I have no wish to hurt you. _

_I know there are things that happened in Iraq that you haven't told me about. Not just the IED, but other things. I don't know if you're afraid to, or if it's just too difficult for you. Maybe it's self-righteous, but I feel like I've earned the right to hear what you went through over there._

_I always knew you were shielding me from the happenings, but it seemed to truly click into place when Uncle Charlie brought up the IED. I feel like a whole piece of you has been hidden away from me, and believe it or not, it's a big piece. I don't think we can come full circle unless we both know what happened. I was always with you, I always tried to be what you needed from me, and I know there were times I fell short._

_Please let me be what you need now, so that we can move forward. I've trusted you with my darkest secrets, please do the same for me._

_XOXO,_

_Sage_

I stared at the purple stationery for what seemed like hours.

_Fuck…_

I obviously hadn't been as crafty and comforting as I'd hoped in my letters. No… that's not right. Sage was smarter than anyone ever gave her credit for. I'd just assumed she wouldn't understand the inner workings, the lingo, the references… the places… Of course she'd know there was more to the story. One simple IED? Yeah right. That'd be the easiest fuckin' tour of duty in the history of the United States.

Mostly, I'd shielded her from things that I knew would make her worry. How was I supposed to tell her about RPG attacks? Daisy cutters? Mortar attacks? Suicide bombers?

She was _Sage_. Sweet and innocent and trusting. Ha! Sage may be sweet, but innocent and trusting? Not so much. But she was still my Sage. Maybe I needed her to remain just a little bit more innocent… maybe I needed her to think of that glossed-over version of events that I'd given her.

But that wasn't what Sage needed from me. It wasn't what _my_ Sage needed from me. And of course, because she knew me so well, she knew I wouldn't deny her. She just didn't want to have to look at me when she asked. She didn't want to see the look in my eyes because she knew she might chicken out. I knew her too well, too.

But how? How could I shatter what was left of that beautiful, wide-eyed innocence I'd come to count on? How could I watch the disappointment cloud those gorgeous sea foam eyes, watch her get angry with me for keeping these things from her? How could I?

_She needs this from me._

_She needs me to be honest._

_Can I? Can I be _that_ honest?_

The answer to that was easy: Yes. Because I didn't have another choice. I wouldn't let _this_ be what forced her away. I wouldn't lose her over another of my insecurities. I refused to lose her at all.

I closed my eyes and rested my head back against my headboard, reliving the afternoon as best I could and smiling. Charlotte had been all too patient with our goodbyes, which had started out innocent enough and resulted in us seeking the privacy of the barn shower. I was hard just thinking about it.

_Fuck…_

A knock at my door startled me. "Come on in." I called, knowing it wasn't Sage, but hoping all the same.

Emmett opened the door. "Hey." He nodded and I cocked an eyebrow and nodded back. "Whatcha readin'?" his eyes fell on the stationery laying face-down on my chest.

"Just one of Sage's letters. I was waxing nostalgic, I guess." I shrugged. Lying to Emmett came so easy for a reason. It was a means of survival now.

He nodded. "Did you ever find out if she got her tests done? I keep forgetting to ask her." He seemed genuinely concerned.

"Yeah. She had them done back in June."

He nodded again. "Is she doing OK? She's never gone out to Napa without you…" I could tell by his tone that he was worried _I'd_ done something to upset her.

"She's fine. I think she just wanted to spend some time with Char."

_There's that lying thing again…_

_Shut it._

"Everything OK with you two?" he pressed.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

He shrugged. "I'm not gonna pretend like I'd be upset if you two got a little space… Just askin'."

I groaned. "God, but I do love these chats we have, Emmett. Anything else you'd like to clear up? World hunger? Nuclear war, perhaps?" he rolled his eyes and I imitated him. "She wanted to spend time with Charlotte. Move on." I took up the letter again and began re-reading, effectively dismissing him. He stared at me for several moments before finally closing the door and leaving me alone.

I didn't sleep well that night. I kept tossing and turning, and when I did finally manage to doze off somewhere around 4AM, it was fitful and filled with instant replay of our argument after Sage learned about the IED incident. I knew to expect the same sort of reaction, I only hoped she'd forgive me.

By the time I arrived at the vineyard, I was anxious to hold her again, to prove to myself that she was real again, because every insecurity I'd ever had seemed to rise to the surface throughout the day. However, as I pulled up in front of the cottage, the sight of Peter, Char, and Sage sitting in stony silence wiped it all from my mind.

"What happened?" I called as I climbed out of the truck. Sage immediately flew into my arms, hugging me fiercely. "What's wrong, Sweetheart?" I whispered into her hair.

"Benjamin's dead." Peter answered. "And Alice escaped when they were transferring her to Grand Bay Mental Health Facility."

Sage sighed and pressed a kiss into my cheek. "James is being charged with Benjamin's murder… he attacked him in the prison yard because he was cooperating with authorities."

I held her tightly, wishing I could just pull her inside my chest and keep her safe. "Where's that leave Alice?"

They shrugged. "They've got an APB out on her… but they've suggested we not go home until she's caught… just in case."

"So what then?" I asked.

"We can't stay here… I've already sent my parents back home to Texas… and I've already had a friend come pick up Diablo and take him down to Anaheim."

My eyes went wide. "Christ, Pete! That's a seven hour drive!"

"Better than him waiting here for her to get to him!" he yelled.

"Stop!" Sage cried. "Both of you! Fighting isn't going to decide our plan!"

I sighed and pulled Sage back to me, pressing a soft kiss into her hair. "She's right. Now what the fuck are we gonna do?"

"I was thinkin' Texas." Peter answered.

I shook my head. "That won't fly for us. We've got classes." Sage's grip around my waist tightened. "We'll hole up somewhere… We'll figure it out." I sighed and looked down at Sage. "You need to call Emmett and Rose. Tell them to stay with Jayla or someone… no one should be at the house." Sage nodded and stepped away, pulling her phone out as she did.

By the time we were back on the road, Sage was tucked into my side, her eyes closed. I could tell she was almost asleep, but I figured I should at least let her know I'd read the letter. "So… Iraq…"

_Fucking brilliant. _

_Fuck me._

"We don't need to do this now. We've got other shit to deal with." She murmured.

"I know… I just didn't want you to think I was trying to get out of it." I answered.

"I know you aren't."

"I'd like to."

"I know." She sighed, but smiled up at me, opening her eyes to watch me. "But you won't."

I kissed her forehead. "It's really starting to bother me that you get whatever you want." I teased.

"No it's not… because most of the time we want the same things." Her hand, which had been resting on my thigh, moved to press against my erection, causing me to hiss. "See?"

"Darlin', don't start somethin' you can't finish…" I warned, thrusting against her hand and eliciting a giggle from her. "I mean… I'm all for some Road Head, but I'd rather be—" She sat forward quickly and turned to stare at me. "What?" I asked nervously.

"That's the second time you've asked me for a blow job." She stated, awestruck.

I felt my cheeks flame. "You don't have to, I was just being a smartass and—"

She growled. "Jasper, will you please stop being bipolar about blowjobs? Either you like them or you don't."

"I do." I muttered.

"Then _what_ is your issue? Every time I try to suck you off, you find some way out of it and it's really ego-bruising!"

I groaned. "Can we discuss this once we've gotten where we're going? This isn't really driving talk."

She huffed and peered at me carefully, trying to decide if I meant it that we'd talk later. "_Fine_. You're not getting out of this."

"I know." I sighed, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

An hour and a half later, we pulled up in front of the house to grab at least a week's worth of clothes. Emmett and Rosalie had already vacated, as evidenced by the three laundry baskets in the middle of the living room that had been rooted through.

We headed downstairs and packed our bags quickly, thankful that we were both too OCD to let laundry linger in the baskets. Forty-five minutes later, we were checking into the Oakland Westin Hotel.

"Food?" I asked.

"Nice try." Sage sighed, flopping down on the king-size bed. "Ooh… this is _nice_… we should save up and buy a king for our room… that way when you snuggle me too much I have room to scoot away."

"Since when do I snuggle you too much?" I cried, offended.

She snickered. "You don't, but it's bound to happen eventually."

I climbed onto the bed and placed myself so that I was hovering over her, grinning. "I _could_ just smother you completely… like… _this_!" I dropped myself down so that my body completely covered hers and began tickling her.

"Get off!" she shrieked, laughing. "Jackass!" she smacked my chest and attempted to shove me away, but I was too heavy for her. "I can't breathe!"

I rolled off her, knowing full well she was lying, but I contented myself with kissing her softly. "I missed you last night." I murmured against her lips. "I didn't sleep very well."

"I thought you never slept well unless I was in bed with you." She countered cheekily.

"I don't… but it was something else entirely to have you not even in your own room." I whispered as her eyes locked on mine. "It was like a physical _ache_ to have you so far away…"

She nodded. "I know what you mean. I felt it too." She pulled me in for another kiss. "So… blowjobs?" I groaned and buried my face in her neck. "You can't get out of it." She warned.

"I know." I muttered, feeling the blood rise in my cheeks again. Sighing, I rested my cheek on her shoulder so that I wouldn't have to look at her. "David used to force my mom to suck him off." I said quietly. "In _front_ of Rose and I… he said he was teaching her where she belonged… he thought it was good for me to see, good for Rose to know her place too." I shuddered at the thought. "My mom always looked so disgusted with herself after." The blush was spreading over the rest of my body now. "I just don't want that to ever be you."

Sage sighed and kissed the top of my head before rolling slightly. "On your back." I rolled and she went with me so that she was draped across my chest, looking me in the eye. "That's not me. I enjoy making you feel good… and you _know_ I'd never do it if I didn't want to."

"I know, but—"

"No _buts_." She interrupted. "You know very well if you ever treated me that way, I'd hit you. You know that. And _I_ know you never would. So stop worrying." She kissed me again and began unfastening my belt. "Stop thinking and just _feel_."

_**Sage POV**_

"Sage, your phone…" I groaned and rolled over. "Your _phone_…" there was a sharp smack to my ass and I cried out in surprise and pain before popping up and grabbing my phone.

_Peter?_

"Why the fuck are you calling _me_?" I rasped, reaching for my bottle of water.

_"Because your fucktard of a boyfriend let his battery die."_

_Good to know. Kill Jasper later._

"What's up, Peter?"

_"I just wanted to remind you two to be careful… no telling what that pixie-bitch'll do."_

"Thanks."

_"Have a good day, Sweetie-pants!"_

"Fuck you very much, Dickhead." I hung up the phone and rolled over, grinning evilly as I realized that Jasper had rolled over onto his stomach. I crawled over to him and kissed his neck, running my hands over his shoulders and down his back.

"Good morning." He mumbled sleepily.

"Mmm…" I agreed, using the tip of my tongue to trace the shell of his ear.

There was a sharp intake of breath and then he was rolling over and crushing his mouth to mine, moaning as he did. I smiled as he grabbed my wrist and attempted to put my hand exactly where he wanted it, but I resisted. "Sage…" he whined and I sighed and began stroking him. "Thank you."

I snickered and pulled my hand away, ignoring his whine of protest as I climbed out of bed. "You don't smack _my_ ass and expect a morning handjob... or anything to take care of that Morning Wood, really." I chastised, grinning over my shoulder as I headed for the bathroom. "Especially when your cell battery is dead and that's why my phone was ringing!"

"I thought you _liked_ making me feel good?" he countered.

"Not when my ass is stinging!" I turned the shower on and stuck my arm under the spray to gauge the heat. I felt Jasper come up behind me, though he wasn't touching me. "Hello, Lover." I murmured.

"You're mean." He whispered, kissing my shoulder.

"Right… tell that to my ass." I giggled. "Besides, we're going to be late."

We were both late to class that morning, but only by a few minutes, thankfully. As I was making my way back toward the Science building to meet up with Jasper, I bit back a groan. Michael was waiting for me just outside my building.

"What?" I sneered.

He sighed and fell into step beside me. "I deserve that. I wanted to apologize for Halloween."

I stopped and turned to face him. "You're sorry? Over a _month_ later, you're sorry? It's fucking _December_, Michael. Finals are next week and _now_ you're sorry?"

He made to grab my hand, but I stepped out of his reach. "I deserve that too. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I was being a jealous asshole… and maybe it's taken me this long to get over my ego."

"I'm not the only person you should be apologizing to." I replied, turning and continuing on.

Michael hissed at that. "Yeah… He's not gonna hit me, is he?"

"He may. You'd deserve it."

"No one deserves to be hit."

I rounded on him again. "It's his and _my_ first sexual relationship, Michael. You decided to spout off at the mouth about _private_ things between you and I… you deserve to be hit. You have no idea how hurt he was, how insecure he was after that."

"I wanted him to feel a fraction of what I always felt." He defended.

I nodded. "Mission accomplished. Goodbye." I turned and strode off, keeping my face impassive as I caught sight of Jasper watching our exchange. As soon as I reached him, I grabbed his hand and tugged him along. "Come on, Jas."

"Everything OK?" he asked. His face clearly told me he was doing his best to reign in the jealousy.

"It's fine. He was giving me a lame apology for Halloween." He tensed at the reminder and then his shoulders slumped. "Stop." I commanded and when we reached the truck, I shoved him against the passenger door. "I wasn't complaining about the sex and you know it." He sighed and I pulled him into a kiss. "I have _never_ had a reason to complain about sex with you."

"That you'd _say_." He grumbled and I smacked his chest. "Ow!"

"I've _never_ had a reason to complain, Jas. You take care of me every time, just like you did our first time. I love everything about it."

_There's that damn LOVE word again…_

He smiled. "Get your ass in the truck. I have to get you to Therapy." He sighed.

"You're not going to work?"

"Nah. I called in for the next couple weeks. I'm hoping Alice will be caught before then, but I don't like the idea of possibly leading her to more horses." He answered as I settled myself in my usual spot and he wrapped an arm around me.

"Makes sense… maybe I should call Doctor Cullen and try to get a pass for a few days…"

"No." his answer was curt, yet vehement, and it took me by surprise. "Therapy is important." He added.

I sighed. "It'd be nice to not have to _worry_ about it… to be just a normal couple." I grumbled as he pulled us onto the highway.

"And one day we will be." He replied. "But we can't be that if you don't work your recovery… you're normally telling _me_ this stuff… what's gotten into you?"

I shrugged. "Just frustrated, I guess. It happens."

"Well stop."

"Jas, it's not that easy!" I cried.

He sighed and dropped a kiss on the top of my head. "Then talk to me. What's in your head?"

"Nothing."

"Don't start that or I'll drop kick your scrawny ass into an early O and E."

"Don't threaten me, Jasper Nathaniel Whitlock."

"Don't you shut down on me, Sage Ann McCarty."

_Fuck._

_He fucking full-named me._

_He never full-names me._

I curled into his side and kissed his shoulder. "Let me talk to Doctor Cullen… Then I'll talk to you."

"OK."

Jasper really was a good influence in my life, and happily, I didn't have to try to convince Doctor Cullen of that. He listened when I needed him to, and he understood that I felt better running some things by Doctor Cullen first, which was no slight to him, simply a comfort for me. I kept promising myself that one day there would be no Doctor Cullen and I would simply say what was on my mind. I just hoped Jasper was the one I said them to.

"Jazz, we still need to find an apartment." I murmured.

"I think I might've found one. I thought I'd go look at it while you were in with Doctor Cullen." He answered, pulling into the Clinic's parking lot.

I was immediately put-out. "You don't want me to go with you?"

"Of course I do! You just… haven't seemed all that interested lately." His face fell.

"This is about more than the apartment." I murmured, watching him train his eyes on his lap. He nodded. "Jas?"

"You haven't been all that _interested_ lately."

I quirked an eyebrow. "Jasper, I just gave you a blowjob _last night_."

"And you blew me off this morning." He pressed. "And every other morning for the past few weeks, in fact." He sighed. "And quite frequently at night."

"That's not fair! I fucked you senseless four nights in a row! It's not my fault you were late getting home and I fell asleep on the fifth night!" I cried resentfully. Sighing, I nuzzled his cheek. "Jazz, I love making love to you… things are just so stressful right now, shit's catching up with me and I can't keep up with it all." He turned his face and I brushed my lips with his repeatedly until he completely captured my mouth.

"It all started when you started getting along with Emmett." He murmured. "That's why I'm worried you don't want to move in with me anymore… I'm worried I'm gonna lose you because you feel guilty for lying to him."

"You're not going to lose me." I assured him, pressing my lips to his again. "I promise. Now go look at that apartment and then come back and get me so I can see it too." I kissed him forcefully this time, nipping his bottom lip and smiling at his answering groan.

He sighed and nodded, eyes closed. "Go have a breakthrough." He commanded teasingly, kissing my forehead before allowing me to climb out of the truck. "And Sage?" I turned back to look at him. "I love making love to you too, you know."

I grinned. "I know."

It was sad, but in my own fucked up way, telling him that I loved making love to him was my way of telling him I loved him.

_God, I fucking hope he likes more than the sex._

_He has to… He wants to make BABIES with me._

_You don't just say shit like that!_

I gave him one last grin before turning and heading into the clinic. I made my way quickly to Doctor Cullen's office and knocked.

"Come in, Sage." He called and I opened the door. "How are you today?" he asked as I closed the door and took my seat.

I took a deep breath. "I'm in love with Jasper."

_FUCK!_

The blush that crept into my cheeks was the fiercest I'd ever experienced. "I'm… sorry… I just kinda felt the need to say that out loud."

He chuckled and motioned for me to sit in my usual chair. "Nothing to apologize for. What brought this on?"

"I've been sitting on it for weeks." I mumbled.

"Why now?"

I took another deep breath. "Jasper and I are looking for an apartment… for just us."

"Ah… you're looking for my permission again… or a validation?" I nodded. "Sage, I can't tell you what's right in this situation. I think Jasper's always been a positive force in your life, I see no reason to withhold that." He made a few notes. "Have you told Emmett yet?"

"No… but soon. I just… you know… I need to get up the courage." I laughed nervously and he nodded. "And I gave Jasper the letter… and he read it… but some stuff happened and we haven't had a chance to discuss it."

"But you will."

"Yes."

He nodded again and made another note. "Honestly, I think that you getting some distance from Emmett is probably a very good thing. I would, however, like to meet with Jasper." I deflated instantly. "Sage, living _together_ is not like your current living arrangement. You won't have a room to retreat to when things get tough. I'd like to have a counseling session with the both of you… Just… to see where everyone stands. Make sure everyone is on the same page." I nodded. "Good. Now," he flipped open his planner. "I believe Jasper works mornings on Mondays, yes?" I nodded again. "And both of you have a later afternoon class. I have a two o'clock on the tenth." His golden eyes flicked up to meet mine.

"OK." I squeaked.

"Nothing to be nervous about."

I gave a bitter laugh. "Doctor Cullen, for months, he's been watching me do this… I'm just not sure I'm ready for him to _watch_ me do _this_."

"Why do you feel that way, Sage?"

I had to think on that one for a moment. It was a good thing Doctor Cullen was my therapist. He didn't push. If I had to think for the whole hour, he'd sit there and watch me do it. He _had_ watched me do it a time or two.

"What if he finally realizes how broken I am?" I whispered.

Doctor Cullen quirked an eyebrow at me. "Sage, you are _not_ broken. With everything that's happened to you in your admittedly short life, it's a wonder you're still functioning at all by some standards." He shifted slightly and folded his hands on his desk. "Sage, when you went through this the first time, you were _not_ functioning. You were _passing_. You were medicated in order to _force_ you to function. _Now_," he waved a hand at me as though it was self-explanatory. "Look at you. You had a massive backslide, which you readily admit to, and did so as soon as you caught it. You sought treatment, all on your own. You sat in that very chair and told me you didn't want to be medicated if it wasn't necessary… and I've never seen a necessity to medicate you. _Broken_ people can't admit when they need help because they're too broken to see it. _You_ are _not_ broken." He gave me a wry smile with that. "And from what I hear of Jasper, I suspect he knows that."

_**End Note: I like reviews. I send teasers when I get them.**_


	46. I Want To Know What Love Is

_**A/N: I still don't own anything except Sage and the plot.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult themes, situations, language, and lemons. If you are not at least 18, please do not read.**_

_**Much love and thanks to RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 for pre-reading.**_

_**HammerHips is my Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

_*****I would like to remind everyone that voting for the Original Character Awards is open until the 14**__**th**__** and that Sage is nominated in 2 categories: Best Female and Best Anti-Mary-Sue! Remember that I will write a super-special outtake if Sage wins both her categories! **__**http:/ originalcharacteraward (dot) blogspot (dot) com/2010/11/use-your-vote (dot) html**_

Chapter 45: I Want To Know What Love Is

_I gotta take a little time  
A little time to think things over  
I better read between the lines  
In case I need it when I'm older  
Now this mountain I must climb  
Feels like a world upon my shoulders  
And through the clouds I see love shine  
It keeps me warm as life grows colder_

-"I Want To Know What Love Is" by Foreigner_  
_

_**Sage POV**_

I trudged out of therapy as though I were headed for the gallows. Nothing Doctor Cullen had said was enough to ease my mind. It wasn't like I didn't believe in Jasper, it was my own failings that had me scared. I just couldn't seem to ease my mind enough to function, now that I knew Jasper was going to have to actually watch me work my recovery.

"You're awfully quiet." Jasper murmured against my hair as he pulled into a large, open apartment complex.

"Thinking." I mumbled.

He pulled into a spot in front of the office and parked. "What about?"

_Fuck._

I sighed.

_Now or never…_

"Doctor Cullen… wants to do a session with the two of us… before we do _this_." I motioned to the apartment buildings.

"Oh?" he sounded nervous.

"Just… you know… make sure everyone's… on the same… page?" I groaned internally at the look he was giving me. A mixture of confusion and… what was it? I couldn't tell.

"What if he doesn't like me?"

I snorted. "Jas, are you seriously worried my therapist won't _like_ you?" he nodded mutely and I pulled him into a passionate kiss, nipping his lower lip again. "That's exactly why he will." I murmured.

He smiled and kissed me again. "When is this session?"

"The tenth." I bit my lip.

Jasper gave me a stern look. "Stop looking like you think this'll be the last straw. It's not." He hugged me to him and I kissed his neck. "Now, I think you'll really like this place." He opened the door and pulled me out after him.

A half-hour later, we were wandering around the brightest, most open loft apartment I'd ever seen. The rental agent assured us we could paint, so long as we put the walls back to the right color before moving out.

"We could have this as the guest room." Jasper said, leading me into the ground floor bedroom.

"Or an office."

"Or an office." He agreed, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and hugging me to him. "Come on, I want to show you the upstairs." He said excitedly. I followed him up the stairs and into the master bedroom, smiling as I saw what he was so excited about. Glass French doors opened onto a balcony with a view of the Bay.

"Jas, are you sure we can afford this?" I asked nervously.

He rolled his eyes. "Fourteen hundred a month, plus utilities. We're in the green."

"Did someone die here?" I teased.

"No! Now get your ass out here and look at this view." He opened the doors and stepped out onto the balcony. I joined him and he wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my shoulder. "Beautiful, right?"

I hummed my agreement as he kissed my neck. "I like this one. I think it's perfect."

"Told you." He nudged my cheek with his nose.

"But the Bay? I mean… it's a hell of a commute to school."

Jasper groaned and I could tell he was rolling his eyes. "Are you bound and determined to find fault?"

"No!" I cried, stung. "I'm just trying to be rational. I still don't have a car."

He kissed the shell of my ear and nuzzled my cheek. "We have a system, and I'm fine with it." I smiled as he nipped my earlobe. "Besides, I don't mind sharing the truck until we find you a car. I keep telling you that, just like I keep telling you—"

"We're in this together… I know, I know." I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder. "I like this place a lot." I murmured.

"Would you like to take the applications home?" the rental agent called from the doorway.

"Yes, please." We replied together, snickering.

We filled out the applications that night and Jasper packed them away in his bag to drop them off the next morning. We spoke to Emmett and Rose before bed, assuring them we were fine and that we hadn't heard anything about Alice. Rosalie was tired of staying at Jayla's already and wanted to go home. I couldn't blame her, Jayla and her boyfriend fought. A lot.

"When's Emmett going to pop the question?" Jasper murmured sleepily as I stroked his hair out of his eyes.

I groaned. "Jazz, good rule of thumb: talking about Emmett is not great after-sex conversation." I rolled off his chest, smiling as he curled into me.

"Sorry. Just curious."

I shrugged. "New Years, I think. He's got this whole big party planned at Sky Deck… like… all their friends and stuff. We're not invited, obviously."

He chuckled. "Aren't we?"

"Well, we are, and you can go, if you want… but I think I'll skip the sickening display."

"Not big on grand gestures?" he asked curiously.

"Not that big." I replied disgustedly. "I know Rose loves the show and all, but honestly? I'd rather have a _Runaway Bride_ than a _Pretty Woman_."

He snorted. "You know I don't know chick flicks."

I rolled my eyes. "_Pretty Woman_ is the grand gesture… you know, he shows up with flowers, riding his shiny limo, scales the fire escape…" I felt him nod into my shoulder. "_Runaway Bride_ is the more relaxed _I love you, you love me, why don't we… you know, huh?_"

He laughed at that. "I'll keep that in mind."

_Why's he keeping that in mind?_

_Oh…_

I felt my skin flame, and he must have felt it too, because he cleared his throat and buried his face in my hair. "I didn't mean—"

"I know." He answered before I could finish. "I just said it…"

_Oh…_

_Disappointed much?_

_Yes, actually._

_You know, I practically bit Michael's head off for bringing this stuff up._

_Yeah, and Jasper first brings up babies, now marriage…_

_He didn't mean the marriage comment. He was just saying…_

_Fuck._

I really couldn't help the disappointment that washed over me. As much as I'd freaked out when Michael had brought these things up, as much as I hadn't felt _ready_ or _competent_, and even _old enough_ to think of those things… I _wanted_ to think of them with Jasper.

_He just said it…_

I sighed and burrowed closer to him in an attempt to stave off the sinking feeling in my stomach.

"Sweetheart?" he could sense my sinking mood.

"Hmm? I'm fine."

He was silent for a moment and I could tell he was trying to decipher what was going on in my head without having to actually ask. It wasn't helping him that my back was to him, but I was silently thankful, because he read me so much more easily when he could see my eyes.

"OK." He finally murmured.

"Night, Jazz." I turned my head and allowed him to plant a soft kiss on my lips before settling in for sleep.

_**Jasper POV**_

_Fucking._

_Moron._

_Shoot._

_Me._

_In the head._

_Now._

It's not like I hadn't _meant_ what I said… of course I did… but I was afraid that if I let her know I meant it, she'd turn tail. Sage kept surprising me though. I'd fully expected her to haul ass in the other direction after that whole babies thing slipped out.

_Fuck my life…_

But it didn't stop me from freezing up every time though. And now I couldn't get a read on what she was thinking. I'd deflected it and she sounded… disappointed? Yeah, disappointed.

_Well… she liked the idea of having kids with me…_

_ Doesn't marriage sort of go hand-in-hand?_

_ Not really, but still…_

She was so tense, even in sleep, and it had me worried that I'd upset her… or scared her. I was always afraid of scaring her off… but she wasn't running, she was here, sleeping in my arms. I wished I could just tell her everything that was going through my head, everything in my heart, but my brain kept getting in the way and telling me that it was too soon, she wasn't ready, she didn't want to hear those things.

I watched her sleep for hours that night, doing my best to kiss away the worry wrinkle that had formed between her brows, but it wasn't budging. I kissed everything I could reach; her shoulder, nose, cheeks, eyelids, chin, forehead, lips… everything, but I couldn't get her to loosen up any. I finally gave up just before dawn when a text message made my phone buzz.

Though the number was no longer attached to a name, I recognized it immediately.

_**Your room isn't very neat anymore. You really should clean in here.**_

My room had been spotless when we'd left and checked into the Westin. And the Bitch was in my fucking room.

"Sage, Sweetie, wake up."

"Mmm?" she mumbled quietly, lifting her head off the pillow to look at me.

"Alice is in the house." I showed her the text.

"Call the police." She murmured. That little crease between her brows was still there and it made me even more uneasy to be starting the day out like this. She lifted the covers and climbed out of bed, strode to the bathroom and closed the door. I heard the shower kick on a moment later.

I phoned our contact with the Oakland Police Department and then headed into the bathroom. "This a private shower, or can anyone join?" I asked.

She simply shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Groaning internally at the ambivalent attitude, I knew I was going to have to pull _something_ to snap her out of it. Since I was already naked, thanks to the previous night's activities, I simply stepped in behind her and pulled her flush against my chest.

"Called the police." I murmured into her shoulder as I kissed the surgery scar. "They said not to show up until after they do, just in case… so we've got some extra time." To emphasize the point, I pressed my erection into her ass and the small of her back.

"Jasper, your psychotic ex-girlfriend is doing God-knows-what to our house and our things and you want sex?" she asked incredulously.

_Fuck._

I sighed and turned her around, pushing her wet hair off her face and bending to kiss her. "No." I answered quietly. "I want to make love to my beautiful," I kissed her neck, "Sexy," her cheek, smiling as she smiled, "One in a million girlfriend." I finished by sucking her bottom lip into my mouth and biting it softly before soundly kissing her. "Because there's always time for us." She was still frowning as I kissed her again, but I felt her lips curl into a smile as she stroked her tongue against mine. "Let me make love to you." I whispered against her lips and her replying nod was all the encouragement I needed.

Two hours later, we pulled up outside the house just as an ambulance was pulling away.

"Fuck." I grunted and climbed out as Detective Marcus approached us.

"San Fran PD called me." He explained before we could ask.

"Who'd she hurt?" I asked.

"Herself." He sighed, shaking his head as he held up an evidence bag with my gun in it.

I threw my hands in the air. "You've gotta be fuckin' shitting me! What the hell did she do?"

"She attempted to kill herself. She said she was supposed to shoot herself in the heart, but she tried to pull the gun away at the last second and nailed her shoulder instead."

My brow furrowed. "That doesn't pan… she was _supposed_ to?"

"She said God told her to."

"Were those her _exact_ words?" Sage asked.

"Uh…" he thought, scratching his chin. "No. She said her _Lord and Savior_ told her to."

Sage shook her head. "That's James… remember?"

I nodded. "Yeah, she refers to James as her Lord and Savior."

Detective Marcus rolled his eyes. "Son of a bitch." He muttered. "Well, it makes sense." He sighed. "I guess that's that then."

"That's _it_?" I asked. He nodded. "Beautiful… can we go into the house or is it a crime scene?"

"We've got all we need here." He motioned for us to go inside.

I grabbed Sage's hand and tugged her along around the police officers, up the front steps, and into the house just as the last of the officers exited.

"I don't want to see this." Sage mumbled as we thundered down to the basement. I dropped her hand and she veered into her room. Before I could even reach for the doorknob of my room, she shrieked, "FUCKING BITCH WHORE CUNT MONKEY BASTARD!"

"What the fuck, Sage?" I cried, detouring back to her. "Holy fuck."

Sage's room was in shambles. CDs had been dumped out of her wall rack and scattered across the floor; her cheap OfficeMax desk was in pieces; clothes were strewn, some were torn or shredded; and the words _He's MINE! _had been carved into the wall with some sharp object.

"Sage, where are your letters?" I murmured. The last time I had noticed them had been when Maria had invaded and they'd been on the desk. The box wasn't anywhere in sight.

Sage silently went to the far corner of the room and yanked the carpet up, exposing the hardwood beneath. She pulled two boards loose and pointed. I stepped over the rubble and looked down into the crawl space, smiling down at the box of letters.

I sighed. "Come on. Let's go see how bad it is in my room."

"Isn't this traumatizing enough?" she grumbled.

I had to smile. "But this time next month you'll be gutting _our_ place."

She wasn't biting, and instead of returning my smile, she scowled at me. "That doesn't make the gross violation today OK. I'm not sharing my space with you _yet_."

"Don't get pissy, I'm not saying it does. I'm just pointing out that in a month, you'll have a whole new space to make your own… I don't want to have to paint this room again, Sage. Please don't make me." She rolled her eyes and nodded toward my room before following me.

She continued to glower at me. "What is it with your exes and my fucking space?" she asked, but she at least followed me through the bathroom into my room. "I mean, really? I never did anything to… Woah."

_Woah_ was right.

My CD's, like Sage's, had been dumped out of the rack and scattered and crunched underfoot. The walls had been carved up with the word _MINE_; my desk was cracked and dented, but it was real wood, unlike Sage's; all my drawers were open and many of my clothes appeared to have been destroyed as well. And then there was the bed. There was a small, Alice shaped dent in the down comforter, blood soaking it and the pillows and dripping onto the carpet.

"How'd she lose _that_ much blood and survive?" Sage wondered aloud.

"It just looks like a lot… it's only about two or three pints."

"_Only_?"

"The average adult has between ten and twelve." I murmured quietly.

"I know that… I don't count being a few down in the standard of _only_ though."

I sighed. "I'm having trouble being sympathetic to her after all she's put us through."

Sage shook her head. "I don't think we can truly blame _Alice_."

I rounded on her. "Sage, she killed twenty-three horses! She nearly killed _me_!"

"I know that! Don't you think I know that?" she cried defensively. She reached for me and I stepped back, but I couldn't bring myself to do that more than once and she knew it. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me down to rest my forehead against hers. "Jazz, you know as well as I do she was taking orders from James. She's not well. Put the blame where it's truly been earned." She stroked the nape of my neck as her eyes found mine. "You know I'd have died if anything had happened to you… but you also know she didn't come up with that all on her own."

I groaned and rolled my eyes. "I hate it when you're right like that… when did you get so level-headed?"

She shrugged and gave me a small smile. "It's my Therapy Homework this week: putting the blame where it's due." She pulled me into a kiss. "Don't ever think I'd be OK with the fact that I almost lost you."

_Jesus, that sounds so fucking close to an "I love you"…_

_ If only…_

_ Fuck…_

_**Sage POV**_

Jasper's bed was ruined. Alice's blood had soaked through the down comforter, through the sheets, and into the mattress. It was disgusting.

"Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch." He sighed as we stripped the bed.

"Or with me." I teased.

"You know that won't pan. I still hear Emmett checking on you at night."

I sighed. "Of course he is."

"Hey," he called me back before I could slip into brooding. "Soon I'll be the only one to see you sleep." He winked at me and I smirked. His smile faded as we got a good look at the mattress. "Disgusting."

"We'll get a new mattress." I murmured as the front door opened and Emmett's heavy footfalls announced his and Rose's return. "Did you text them or something?"

"Yeah, when you were hyperventilating over the toilet." He smirked again.

"Ass."

"Bitch."

"Fucker." I stuck my tongue out.

He grinned and whispered, "Slut."

"Bastard!" I cried, laughing.

"You guys down here?" Emmett called down the stairs.

"Yes!" We yelled back.

Emmett appeared a moment later in the doorway, letting out a low whistle. "Wow… Fucked up." He sighed. "Sage, it's ten-thirty. Did you still want me to go to therapy with you?"

"Uh, yeah." I caught Jasper's eye and he quirked an eyebrow at me. I usually told him if Emmett was going to therapy with me. "I'll be up in a minute." He nodded and disappeared upstairs again.

"Why's he going with you?"

"Because Doctor Cullen believes I should continue to build a relationship with Emmett through pure honesty in a controlled environment." His eyes narrowed. "Are you jealous that he gets to go to therapy with me?"

"Kinda." He mumbled.

I frowned. "Jas, you'll get your chance."

"Bull. My _chance_ is just to make sure we're on the same page before the end of January." He hissed a whisper as Emmett's footsteps came dangerously close to the basement door again. "When are you going to start addressing your problems with _me_?"

"I don't _have_ problems with you!" I hissed back as I scooped some CDs off the floor. He shot me a scowl and I sighed. "OK, I don't have problems with you that I haven't _told_ you about. You know my issues. We just need to address them. Stop being a dumbass."

"I'm not—" he started loudly, and then took a deep breath and adjusted the volume of his voice. "I'm not being a dumbass. I just don't want there to be any problems when we move on together."

"Move on?" I asked, suddenly startled.

_Move on?_

_ Move out?_

_ Move in?_

_ Lots of moving._

_ Which direction?_

He sighed. "You know what I mean."

"No, I don't think I do." I challenged.

"Sage, come on! Let's move it. I'll buy you lunch on the way back, but we're gonna be late!"

I growled in frustration. "We'll talk about this later." I whispered, standing on my tiptoes to give him a peck on the lips. "Be good while I'm gone." I turned and headed out the door and up the stairs, following Emmett out to the Jeep.

"So what the hell happened in there? Looks like Jasper sacrificed a virgin to some Pagan God." He joked. I rolled my eyes and explained what Detective Marcus told us. "That's fucked up! What's Jasper gonna do?"

"Sleep on the couch, I guess."

"Is he pressing charges?"

"I don't know… maybe…"

Emmett cocked an eyebrow at me. "Since when do you _not_ know what Jasper's planning to do?" I shrugged and stared out the window. "Everything OK with you two?"

"Huh?" I turned to look at him. "Yeah. I think I'm just mentally exhausted from all the bullshit with Alice."

He nodded and parked the Jeep. We climbed out, walked into the clinic, and waved to the receptionist before heading straight back to Doctor Cullen's office. I lightly rapped my knuckles on the door and opened it when he called for us to come in.

"Hey there, Sage and Emmett." Doctor Cullen greeted, smiling benignly.

"Hi." We chorused.

We took our usual spots and Doctor Cullen sighed. "So, Sage, what are we talking about this week?"

I grimaced. "Ziggy."

Emmett groaned and his head dropped back against the back of his chair. "_Seriously_?" he whined. "I mean, _seriously_? You were fourteen! It was _time_!"

Doctor Cullen held up a hand. "What's Ziggy?"

Emmett snorted a laugh. "I'm surprised she hasn't told you already."

"_Ziggy_," I shot Emmett a death glare. "Was a stuffed horse my dad gave me when I was a baby. He named it. I was very attached to it."

"Unhealthily so, might I add." Emmett shot back.

"I didn't have any friends!" I cried indignantly. "You try it some time!" I sighed. "Ziggy was my only "friend" until I met Jasper… and then I had a real friend… but it still had sentimental value."

"It was falling apart!" Emmett defended, looking to Doctor Cullen for backup. "It only had one eye… she was at the park one day and an eye fell off. She came straight home, pulled a button out of the drawer, and sewed it in where the eye was supposed to be! And when its mane started falling out, she braided it to keep more from getting tugged too much… and it had this patch of pink cloth on its chest because she sewed the seam together so many times that the edges were tattered."

"I took good care of him! He lasted through twelve years of going everywhere with me and another two sitting on my bed! The point is that he was _mine_!"

Doctor Cullen held up a hand again. "What _happened_ to Ziggy?"

"_He_," I shot Emmett another glare. "Threw him out while I was at school… and not just like he tossed him in the trash, oh no! He put him out with the garbage _on_ garbage day so that Ziggy would be long gone by the time I got home from school. I cried for _days_. I was devastated! Jasper had to call and calm me down because Rosalie got so frustrated with all my sobbing and screaming."

"You wanted me to treat you like a grown-up! Grown-ups don't have imaginary friends and stuffed animals."

I scowled at him. "You know perfectly well I haven't had an imaginary friend since you _ate_ Cindy."

"See? Look at that! Right there! She was nine and that damn imaginary friend was _always_ getting me into shit! We were eating cookies after school and then all of a sudden she's screaming bloody murder and raving that I've eaten her fucking imaginary midget!"

"She was _not_ a midget." I seethed. "She was a _Borrower_." He opened his mouth and I cut him off again. "And _don't_ come down on me for having a Borrower for an imaginary friend. Mary Norton was a genius."

"Alright." Doctor Cullen stopped us and we each relaxed. It was always better when he mediated. "We've gotten off-track. We can talk about Cindy another time." He sighed. "Emmett, can you give Sage a plausible reason why you threw Ziggy away?"

Emmett sighed and rolled his eyes. "I felt he was holding her back." I snorted and coughed to cover it. "She used to ask it for its _opinion_ on things."

"I was five."

"Sage, let him speak, please."

"I just thought she'd be better off… like maybe she'd be able to let go of Dad." I was seething at that. "Guess it didn't work." He mumbled.

An hour later, we were driving back home.

"You gonna talk to me?"

"No."

Emmett sighed. "I'm sorry about the stupid horse."

"See _that_, right there, tells me you're _not_ sorry!" I cried, climbing out of the Jeep as soon as it came to a stop. I pounded up the steps, into the house, and down into the basement without a backward glance. Once I got to my room, I stopped and just stared.

"You OK?" Jasper sighed, placing a hand on the back of my neck and squeezing gently. I shrugged. "Bad session?" I shrugged again. "Talk to me." I shook my head, walked all the way into my room, and flopped down on my bed. "Alright." He sighed and kissed the top of my head. "I'll bring you down some dinner in a bit, OK? You're not skipping meals." I nodded vacantly.

Upstairs, I could hear Emmett telling Rose about the session and the "damn horse" that I was still hung up on.

_Great. Jasper's about to find out I'm still that twelve year-old._

_**End Note: I love reviews. I send teasers when I get them.**_


	47. Going Down In Flames

_**A/N: I don't own anything but Sage and the plot.**_

_**This story is rated M for a reason. It contains adult themes, situations, language, and lemons. No one under 18 please.**_

_**RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 are my beautiful pre-readers.**_

_**HammerHips is my kickass, totally awesome Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

_*****Sadly, Sage did not win in her categories for the Original Character Awards. However, it was a wonderful honor to be nominated and to make it to the public vote. Even though Sage didn't win, I think I'll still write that outtake, just to thank everyone who did vote for me.**_

_******I've begun posting outtakes. You can locate it on my profile—Control: The Outtakes, or you can just use this URL http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/6554725/1/Control_The_Outtakes**_

Chapter 46: Going Down In Flames

_Don't tell me what to think  
Cause I don't care this time  
Don't tell me what to believe  
Cause you won't be there  
To catch me when I fall  
But you'll need me when I'm not here at all  
Miss me when I'm gone again, yeah  
I'm going down in flames  
I'm falling into this again, yeah  
I'm going down in flames  
I'm falling into this again  
Don't tell me how life is  
Cause I don't really want to know  
Don't tell me how this game ends  
Cause we'll just see how it goes  
Catch me when I fall  
Or you'll need me when I'm not here at all  
Miss me when I'm gone again, yeah  
I'm going down in flames  
I'm falling into this again, yeah  
I'm going down in flames  
I'm falling into this again  
Now, I'm all the way down here  
I'm falling  
I'm all the way  
I'm all the way down here  
I'm falling down again  
I'm falling down  
I'm falling down  
I'm falling down  
I'm going down in flames  
I'm falling into this again,  
I'm going down in flames  
I'm falling into this again  
Now, I'm all the way down here  
I'm falling  
All the way  
All the way down here  
I'm falling down again now I'm falling down_

-"Going Down In Flames" by 3 Doors Down

_**Sage POV**_

Christmas came and went with little in the way of drama (thank God!). Bella came into town and instead of her and Ed_weird_ joining us for Christmas dinner, we were invited to Edward's parents' house. I wasn't exactly shot in the butt with the idea of spending Christmas dinner with my shrink, but decided to make an effort as a peace offering to Emmett, who truly wanted to go.

Doctor Cullen was the same as he always was, though with fewer questions. Misses Cullen was a cross between June Cleaver and what I always imagined my mother would've been like had she lived. It was astounding to watch her flit about the kitchen, tending to the turkey, the cranberry sauce, the rolls, and every other side dish. Even though Rosalie, Bella, and I offered our help, she said she didn't need it, and she did just fine without.

In all, it was a rather pleasant evening, though it made me ache on the inside, wondering what Christmas dinners with my own mother would've been like. Jasper simply took me to bed and held me, waiting for me to be ready to talk. I wasn't sure exactly what to say, so instead I asked him about Christmases with his own mother.

Of course, as always, Jasper and I didn't exchange gifts until New Years Eve. Emmett didn't mind that we didn't feel like going to the party at Sky Deck, and I was thankful for that. Instead, we cooked a nice dinner, drank a bottle of wine, and watched _The African Queen_.

"What is this?" Jasper asked as he held the envelope I'd given him up to the light, trying to see through it.

"Just open it." I sighed, shaking my head.

He slit it open and smiled as he pulled out a digital photo of a Fender Kingman SCE.

"Alright… buy me a vowel?" he laughed, waving the picture around.

I smirked. "_That_ is your new guitar. We just have to go pick it up. I wasn't taking any chances of you stumbling across it, so I didn't want to bring it into the house."

He grinned and pulled me into a kiss. "Thank you. I love it."

"You're welcome."

Jasper leaned over and took two boxes from the floor next to the couch. "These are yours." He handed me the smaller box. "Open this one first."

I quirked an eyebrow, but took the box and pulled the paper off. It was a long, black velvet, hinged box. "Jazz?" I asked, but he just nodded for me to open it. I did and gasped. Inside was a white gold chain with a small, oval-shaped opal in a matching white gold setting. "Jasper, it's beautiful."

He beamed at me and took it from the box as I turned and lifted my hair so he could fasten it around my neck. "I picked an opal for a reason." He murmured as I turned back to him.

"Because I hate garnets?"

"Besides that." He smirked, kissing the tip of my nose. He lifted the opal from where it rested between my collarbones and held it at an angle. "Opals remind me of you… if you don't know how to look at them, they're plain." I looked at the opal, and true enough, it was simply a smooth white stone. "But see? You look at them right, let them catch the light, and then you see the fire." He angled it to catch the light and it began to sparkle with hundreds of cerulean blues, forest greens, fiery reds and oranges, and all I could do was smile. "Too sappy?" he asked.

"Nah… Just the right amount of sap." I whispered, kissing him tenderly. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet." He handed me the larger box. "Because this one kills all my man points."

I simply rolled my eyes and pulled the lid off the decorative box, my eyes widening at what was there for me. A stuffed horse, exactly like Ziggy before he began to fall apart. "How'd you know?" I whispered.

Jasper shrugged. "I heard Emmett and Rose talking about Ziggy… figured out that's what you were upset about after that Family Session…" he grinned. "And I've been looking for one since you were fourteen." I crawled into his lap and hugged him fiercely, burying my face in his neck. "Good gift?"

"Amazing gift." I smiled and kissed him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"And you still have all your man points." I giggled, kissing him again.

"It's time." Jasper murmured, eyeing the wall clock. He took up the remote and flipped the channel so that we could watch the ball drop in Times Square.

"Five… four… three…" we murmured quietly together. "Two… one." I turned my face and smiled as his lips found mine.

Jasper grinned. "What's your resolution this year?"

I sighed and settled back into his embrace. "To be happy."

"Don't I make you happy?" he asked, sounding hurt.

"Of course you do. I just mean in general. Without needing anyone or anything. I think we're making the right decision… leaving… I think I'll be happier."

He kissed my hair. "Good."

"What about yours?"

He grinned against my forehead. "To quit smoking."

"Really?"

Jasper shrugged. "I noticed you haven't had a cigarette in a few weeks. I figure maybe it's time for a fresh start all around."

"Well it is healthier."

He smirked. "You're still on that kick about me not doing whatever you want me to do." I nodded. "I appreciate it, but sometimes it's a good thing."

"I know. I just don't want you trying to please me at the expense of your own happiness."

"Making you happy makes me happy."

I smiled and turned my head to kiss his neck. "I'd like to test that theory."

"Oh really?" I nodded and he looked genuinely interested. "And what would make you happy?"

I turned in his arms and sat up on my knees, grinning as he cocked an eyebrow at me. I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his mouth. "Make love to me." I murmured against his lips. There was a sharp intake of breath and then Jasper was scooping me up and carrying me downstairs to my room.

We'd purchased an air mattress for him to sleep on since his bed was all but destroyed, and he'd set it up in our sitting room after shoving the coffee table against the far wall. At night, after Emmett's final bed check, he snuck into my room and held me for a little while, but once Bella got into town, our alone time was left to a bare minimum.

"I love making love to you." He whispered as he set me down and pulled my shirt over my head. "I never get tired of it."

I yanked his T-shirt up and off, smiling. "I know exactly what you mean." He pulled me into a searing kiss, forcing a moan out of me as he gripped my hips and held me to him. I reached up and pulled the rubber band out of his hair, running my fingers through it to get it to fall right. "I've missed this. I think I really hate having company." I made quick work of his belt, but fumbled a little with the button and zipper of his jeans.

"You nervous or something?" he chuckled, stripping me of my jeans and underwear.

"We haven't had enough alone time for this in over a week. It's more like _excited and can't move fast enough_." I answered as my bra fell to the floor and I yanked his boxers down, freeing his erection.

"I was thinking _slow_ for this." he murmured, stepping out of his clothes and lifting me onto the bed. "Yeah, definitely slow. I wanna savor this." He began kissing my neck, sucking on my collarbone as I scooted backwards and he stalked after me.

I gasped as his tongue flicked against my earlobe. "Slow is good. God!" he cupped my right breast and squeezed while simultaneously biting my shoulder just hard enough to cause a small shot of pain.

"Actually, the name's Jasper." He smirked, moving his mouth back to mine as I dug my nails into his shoulders. "It'd be nice if you could scream the right name."

"Are you seriously being a smartass right _now_?" I moaned.

He nodded before dipping his head to capture my neglected nipple between his teeth. "Mmmhmm." He hummed, biting down gently. I arched my back against him and moaned. "I love that sound." He whispered. "I love that I get that out of you."

I giggled as he ran his tongue lightly up from my breast to my neck. "Chatty tonight."

"You don't like it?" he pouted.

I smiled and pulled his mouth to mine. "I didn't say that." I whispered, kissing him lightly and sliding a hand from his neck down between us, across his stomach, to grip his length. He groaned into my mouth and pressed himself into my hand. "I love _that_ noise. And the fact that I get it out of you."

Before I could stop him, he'd slid the rest of the way down my body, kissing my knees and inner thighs, and then he threw my right leg over his shoulder and lightly bit my inner thigh.

"Jazz!" I cried, fisting a hand in his hair.

"You like that?" he whispered, smiling as I nodded. "I love marking your skin as mine." he quickly flicked his tongue over my heated sex and I moaned again before he inserted a finger into me. "Always so tight…" his tongue pressed against my clit and then he backed off and flicked the tip of his tongue against it several times so that I was writhing and he was forced to pin my hips down with his free hand.

I bit my lip as he slid his tongue into me. "Jasper," I gasped. "God, please don't stop!" and then I whined in protest as he did just what I asked him _not_ to do.

He climbed back up my body, grinning cockily. "I _told_ you to scream _my_ name." he kissed me roughly, slipping his tongue into my mouth so that I could taste myself on him. I couldn't help but moan at that and it only spurred him on as he thrust into me quickly. "God!" he whispered hoarsely, his head dropping to rest on my shoulder. "You always feel so good. Fucking amazing."

I smirked. "Scream _my_ name. It'd be real nice if you could get that right." I mocked him, imitating his drawl.

Instead of answering, he kissed me again and began a slow, torturous pace, his mouth never leaving my flushed skin. I wrapped my legs around his hips and gasped, as he slid an arm down and hooked it under my knee, bracing my leg against the crook of his elbow. The shift in angle meant he was hitting a spot deep inside me and I screamed his name as I came.

This was our lovemaking at its best, when we had all the time in the world and no one to answer to. It meant we really could savor each other; please and tease; nip and gasp and mark what was ours. It meant that we were truly together and there were times I imagined him telling me he loved me as we did this, but I was too chicken to say it myself.

Jasper sensed my mind had wandered slightly and he adopted a faster rhythm. "Come back to _me_." He commanded.

I smiled and kissed him quickly. "I'm with you. I'm always thinking about you—Ah!" I hadn't noticed his free hand moving until I felt him stroking my clit again, pinching it, rolling it between his forefinger and thumb and the start of my next orgasm began to build. "Jazz! Fuck!" I cried and then I was flying just as he gave three more hard thrusts and grunted, pushing himself as deep into me as he could.

He collapsed, bracing himself on his elbows and trailing kisses across my chest, neck, and face, lingering on my lips, as I wrapped my arms around him and grasped his shoulders, pulling him down onto me. We rolled until we were on our sides, facing each other, but continued kissing softly, sweetly, for several more minutes.

When we finally came up for air, he pulled me onto his chest and I rested my head over his heart, smiling at the steady _thump thump thump_ that I often listened to when he didn't realize it. He was stroking my back with his fingertips, making me shiver against him, but I simply kissed his chest and laid my head back down.

"Did you ever think…" he murmured quietly, "All those years ago, as that little girl with her soccer ball… did you ever think we'd be here now?"

"What?" I asked, smiling slightly. "Naked and wrapped around each other?"

He laughed at that and my body moved up and down with the force of it rippling through his chest and stomach. "I meant more on the emotional level, but for lack of a better example, yes."

I kissed his chest again. "I didn't have it in me to hope."

"You always had it in you."

"You always brought it out." I sighed, lifting my head to look him in the eye. "I'm better with you. I like who I am when I'm with you."

He pushed a strand of hair out of my eyes, his thumb tracing my cheekbone. "You were the only one who ever mattered enough for me to try." He gave me a small smile. "I think you mattered from the very beginning, even though it wasn't romantic back then… I just… I knew I needed you in my life. The Tiny Angel."

"What?" I asked, fighting back a laugh. I'd never heard him call me that before.

"That's what I used to call you in my head… you were just so small… so tiny… and the very first time I laid eyes on you, I thought you _had_ to be an Angel." I felt the blush creeping into my cheeks. "Does that make me a pedophile?" he asked, suddenly serious and obviously worried about my reaction.

"No…" I grinned. "Makes you a bit of a _sap_, though." I pushed myself up and kissed him softly. "But, God!" I rolled off him and began laughing as he raised himself up on his elbow to hover over me. "I was _such_ an annoying kid! How could you even stand me?"

He kissed my forehead. "Easily. You weren't annoying to me. You were fascinating. I loved to hear what you thought."

"What about that day I asked all those questions?"

He shrugged. "I was amused… and flattered that you cared enough to ask. I've always cared about you… I've always wanted to be with you, but it just wasn't always romantically. I just knew I needed you in my life." He kissed me again. "Is that weird?"

"No." I shook my head. "I know exactly what you mean."

Jasper took a deep breath, smiling as he kissed my forehead again, his free hand moving to stroke my calf as I threw it over his leg. "You're so soft… and smooth… Not like me." He sighed bitterly.

"You're soft and smooth." I murmured, smiling. "Just not in the same places." I ran a thumb over his bottom lip. "Like your lips… are so incredibly soft." I kissed him quickly. "And your stomach…" I raked my fingertips across the rippled muscles and smiled as they spasmed under my touch. "It's very smooth… except here." I ran my index finger down the thin happy trail, grinning fiendishly as he closed his eyes and inhaled sharply.

He hummed a moment, thinking, and then he cupped my breast, stroking his thumb over the nipple. "But my hands—"

"Are perfect just as they are." I cut him off, placing my hand over his and pressing his palm into my flesh. "I love how your hands feel." I sat up and pushed him onto his back before straddling his hips. He simply watched me, amused by something or other. "And before you go off about the scars again," I leaned down and kissed several of the scars across his chest and shoulders. "I love those too. I love how you feel against me."

_Jesus, this is a lot of freaking LOVES._

_ Why the fuck can't I just say it?_

_ Jasper, I love you._

_ It wouldn't be so hard. Maybe he wouldn't even notice._

_ That would be worse than if he _did_ notice._

He was stirring beneath me, shifting, and I grinned as I realized he was hard again. Biting my lip, I slid myself forward along his dick, watching silently as he took a deep breath and swallowed the groan I knew I'd caused. I stuck my tongue out at him just a tiny bit, before sliding back sheathing him in me. We both sighed and I sat up a little straighter and began rocking against him.

"_Fuck_!" he groaned. "You never ride me."

"Yes, I do. We're just usually in the front seat of the truck." I panted. His hands found my hips and he set a faster pace, lifting me up slightly before slamming me back down onto him as he thrust up into me. "Oh, God, Jasper!" I cried. His thumb found my clit again and he began rubbing it frantically. "Fuck! Yes!"

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

Jasper pulled me down and off immediately, sitting up to shield me from view as Emmett kicked my bedroom door in.

"Get the fuck out." Emmett snarled, catching sight of Jasper immediately. His hulking form was blocking most of the light from the hallway and he appeared to be breathing heavy. I wasn't sure if he'd run down the stairs or if he was attempting to keep himself calm.

"You first." I put a hand on Jasper's shoulder, silently willing him not to do anything stupid, but I kept myself covered by hiding behind him.

"Emmett, stop. Come back out here." Rosalie ordered quietly.

He shook his head stubbornly. "Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Sister's. Bed. NOW!"

"Emmett, stop!" I cried, squeezing Jasper's shoulder as he tensed.

"Shut-up, Sage!" he yelled. "I'll fucking take care of this."

"Emmett! Let them get dressed." Rosalie ordered, appearing behind him in the doorway. "Let them get dressed and then we'll _talk_ about this." He stormed off in the direction of the sitting room and she simply shook her head sadly before closing the door behind her.

I sighed. "Fuck."

Jasper turned immediately and pulled me into a breath-stealing kiss. "We're in this together, remember?" I nodded. "Good."

We climbed out of bed and slowly dressed.

"Jas," I whispered. "In case something—" he cut me off by taking my hand and pulling me to him, covering my mouth with his, his tongue gliding across my lower lip.

"Don't. We're going to be fine. I promised you I wouldn't let him come between us." He brushed my bangs out of my face. "I meant it." I nodded and he kissed me again.

"I'm fucking waiting out here! I'll fucking kick the—"

"We're fucking coming!" I yelled, turning and storming out to the sitting room. I stood at the foot of the stairs, thinking it would be easier to run that way, but Jasper simply stopped at the end of the hall and leaned against the wall.

Emmett's eyes narrowed at Jasper's nonchalant stance and he pointed a finger at him. "You. Out."

"Fuck. You." Jasper retorted lazily.

"Ex_cuse_ me?"

"I didn't stutter."

"Stop it!" Rosalie hissed at them.

"No, Rose." Jasper growled. "He wants to do this, then we're gonna fuckin' do this. Your sister is a _woman_. She makes her own decisions."

"I'm sure you helped her along in that area, Jasper."

I stepped forward and planted myself in front of Jasper. "He didn't do anything to me that I didn't want him to do." I defended, relaxing slightly as Jasper's hands found my hips and he pulled me against his chest.

A feral growl erupted from Emmett. "Get your fucking hands off her now!"

"No!" I yelled at the same time Jasper flipped him off. Jasper's hands were now resting lightly on my stomach and I placed my hands over his. "Emmett, stop it! I was a party to this too; he didn't do anything I didn't want him to… I _started_ most of it."

He held up a hand before I could continue. "How long as this been going on?" for the first time since he'd announced his presence, his voice was calm, and it was terrifying. He was past angry, past pissed, and onto _livid_. Livid was dangerous.

I took a deep breath. "Which part?" he cocked an eyebrow at me. "The…" I glanced up at Jasper and felt his fingers press into me reassuringly. "The dating? Or the sleeping together?"

"_Both_." He snarled.

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. "We've been dating for about six months." He inhaled sharply and I instinctively flinched. "And sleeping together for about five."

Before I could react, Emmett was as close as he could get, pinning me between them as he stared Jasper down. "You live in _my_ house and you fucking do this to _my_ sister?" he snarled.

"I pay rent here, which makes this house _mine_, just as much as it's yours, Rose's, and _Sage's_." Jasper replied evenly, but the air was nearly crackling with his anger. "And as she's already said, I didn't do anything she didn't want me to do."

Emmett's fists clenched and I immediately put a hand on his chest, attempting to push him backward. "No, Emmett. Stop. Please." I pleaded, mimicking the action with Jasper in an attempt to get him to back up a little.

"I guess you better find a new place to live then, Jasper. I don't want you here anymore."

"Not a problem. Sage and I have already found a place and we'll be out at the end of the month."

_FUCK!_

I closed my eyes and prepared for the explosion.

"Bullshit!"

I flinched.

"Sorry to say, but yes, we are moving out."

"She's not going anywhere."

"If she wants to, then half my bed belongs to her."

"Not if I—"

"Emmett, _stop it_!" I yelled, opening my eyes to glare at him. "Stop and consider what _I_ want, just once in your Goddamn life!" I shoved against his chest, but it did little good.

He shook his head at me. "Sage, we'll talk about this with Doctor Cullen. Once _he's_ gone, I'm sure you'll understand—"

"Doctor Cullen _knows_ about this! About _everything_! He supports my decisions and he supports my relationship with Jasper!"

"Bullshit!" he glared at Jasper. "Just stay the hell away from my sister!"

_Which brings us to…_

_**Jasper POV**_

"I can't! I love her!"

_Fuck!_

_Why is it that whenever someone's coming at me and trying to keep me from Sage, those words just automatically leave my mouth without my brain engaging_?

Just as I suspected, Sage's shoulders tensed, but then they rolled and her palm dug into my chest, pushing me backward as she pushed Emmett away from us. The difference was that as we both moved, she moved with _me_.

Emmett, however, was sneering. "Big words, Jasper. I don't think she feels the same."

"It doesn't matter if I do or not." She hissed.

_Uh… wow… now it really kinda does._

"I'm still leaving with him."

_But if she doesn't—_

_ Doesn't matter right now. I love her. That's what matters._

Emmett looked as though she'd struck him. "You don't sacrifice family for anything." His eyes darted to me. "He's big on that."

"_You've_ been sacrificing me for _Rosalie_ for _years_! Why the hell shouldn't I choose Jasper over you?" she cried, backing against my chest again.

"Sage, you—"

"Emmett!" Rosalie snapped. "Back off them before you say something you regret." He made to protest and she put a hand on his shoulder. For the first time, we caught sight of the sizeable rock on her all-important finger. "No. Now."

"How can you be so calm about this, Rosalie?" he hissed over his shoulder, his eyes never leaving Sage.

She sighed. "Because I knew about it." He began to shake and she backed up. "Emmett, go. Now."

"No need." I replied. "Let me grab a shirt and we'll get out of here for a while." I turned and headed for my room. Sage grabbed her flip flops from her room and once we were back in the hall, I took her hand and kissed her knuckles, despite Emmett's growling, and we walked upstairs and out to the truck, stopping only long enough for her to grab Ziggy 2 from the couch.

Instead of buckling herself into her regular spot, she sat at the far end of the bench seat, leaning against the door, her knees drawn to her chest and her chin on her knees. She pulled her dark Avi's down from the clip on the sunshade and put them on just as the first bright light of dawn shone over the horizon.

I drove a ways before I finally decided to just head to the Bayview. We needed to talk. But I couldn't wait that long.

"Sage… you gonna say something to me?" I asked worriedly. It was murder when she was quiet, when she had her eyes covered, when she refused to look at me. I couldn't get a read on her thoughts or feelings if she wouldn't give me at least one of those things.

She sighed. "What's to say? My boyfriend just admitted he loves me to my brother… except he didn't say it to _me_ first."

"Is that all you're upset about?" I asked, suddenly bewildered.

_Please tell me she's not just pissed that I didn't say it to her first…_

_ Well… OK, I can see how that might be upsetting._

_ Fuck._

_ I'm so fucking fucked._

"Kinda, yeah." She mumbled, still refusing to look at me.

I pulled into the parking lot of the Bayview and unbuckled myself before turning to her. "Sweetheart, look at me, please?" she sighed and her feet slid to the floor before she turned to look at me. I unfastened her seatbelt and pulled her into the middle, plucking her sunglasses off as I did. I needed to see her eyes when I did this. There was no point in backtracking. Either she'd run, or she wouldn't. I just hoped she wouldn't. "I love you." I swallowed thickly and kissed her quickly. "I'm _in_ love with you."

Her eyes were searching mine for something I couldn't determine, but there was a hint of a smile turning up the corners of her mouth. "I love you, too." She whispered, pulling me back to her and kissing me passionately. "I'm_ in_ love with you, too."

I couldn't help but smile as a weight was lifted off my heart. "Yeah?" she nodded and I kissed her again. "Fuck, I've been wanting to say it for _ages_."

"Why didn't you?" she gasped between kisses.

"I was scared you'd run."

She stopped kissing me, frowning as her fingertips stroked the nape of my neck. "Jazz… I never run from you." She whispered. "I might _hide_ on occasion, but I've never _run_ from you."

_Well damn._

_ I never thought about it that way._

_ She hasn't…_

_ Even after she realized I'd not told her about our first kiss… that was hiding._

_ Not running._

_ Never running._

_ I'm the one person Sage won't run from._

I kissed her again, lightly, softly. "I love you. I love you. I love you." I whispered against her lips, smiling as she giggled.

"I love you, too." She sighed again and scooted closer to lean into my embrace. "What do we do now?"

I sighed. "_Well_, I've still got a bag of our clothes in here… the emergency bag we packed after I had to interrupt that O and E…" she grinned and kissed my neck. "Let's give him the day and night to calm down. Then we'll head back home and go from there."

She nodded. "OK."

She began sliding toward her door, but I held her to me. "I told you I wouldn't let him chase me off."

"You did. Thank you." She kissed me again. "Come on, Jas. Let's go get comfortable. Maybe get a shower."

I grinned and climbed out of the truck, yanked the bag out after me, and wrapped an arm around her as we walked into the hotel.

_**End Note: OK, so I have to say that I was REALLY excited for this chapter, since we've finally come full circle on the plot. For those who don't remember, this is where we began… in the prologue. Now we're back and we're moving forward. I'm so excited and I really hope you've all enjoyed the ride so far. This is NOT the last chapter (pfft. As if!). So leave me some love and I'll send you a teaser **___


	48. Ravine

_**A/N: I still don't own it.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult language, situations, themes, and lemons. If you are under the age o 18, you should not be reading this.**_

_**Thank you to RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 for pre-reading.**_

_**Thank you, as always, to HammerHips, my beautiful Schwoogie-Muffin.**_

Chapter 47: Ravine

_Have you heard, have you heard?  
About this girl who was ripped up by her roots  
Have you heard, what she learned?  
Like humility - you win when you lose  
I have learned, I have learned  
The most horrifying nights have an end  
I was hurt, I was lost  
In the dark I found a way to a friend_

_I am standing here in my ravine  
Once again I see a piece of the sky  
And my joy'll never be denied  
'Cause I was meant to be here -  
The only place on earth  
Where you are near, where you are near_

-"Ravine" by Ace of Base

_**Jasper POV**_

We spent the day locked up in our hotel room. We showered together and then napped, having been up all night, and then we ventured out to get some dinner. Sage was disturbingly quiet after our nap and I was worried she was having second thoughts, but when I asked, she simply smiled and kissed me.

She was quiet well into the night, though we did make love again, and I was relieved that as we came together, we _both_ whispered "I love you".

The next morning, we dressed quietly and headed home. The garage was closed, there was no therapy, the semester hadn't started. There were no distractions to be had and we had to face Emmett.

Before we went inside, I kissed her fiercely and asked, "Still love me?"

She smiled. "Always have." She cupped my cheek and pressed her lips to mine again. It was a chaste kiss, but it meant so much. We were nowhere near finished and we needed that small connection.

We walked, hand-in-hand, into the house and then she squeezed my fingers lightly, stood on her toes, and pecked me on the lips. "Let me talk to him first." She whispered, and it was then that I noticed Emmett was standing out on the deck with a mug of coffee in his hands.

I took a deep breath, thinking carefully. If I waited in the entry and he pulled back to hit her, I wouldn't make it to her in time. Ever since Sage told me he'd nearly smacked her that morning she broke down, I didn't trust him not to eventually lose it entirely and follow through.

_But if I wait in the living room…_

"Jasper, go downstairs. Pack us another bag, just in case." I squeezed her fingers, narrowing my eyes at her brother's back. "Jazz, please?"

I sighed, resigned, and kissed her quickly. "If I have even a _touch_ of a bad feeling, I will kick his ass until Hell won't have it again." I gave her a stern look. "I mean it."

She smiled sadly. "I know you do." She kissed me again and headed off toward the deck while I took the stairs quickly down to the basement.

I hated the idea of not being there in the event she needed me, but I also knew I had to trust her to control the situation. She'd been working on that with him in therapy. I just hoped he'd let her.

I went to my room first and quickly packed several pairs of jeans, several shirts, and boxers into the duffel bag. I walked into the bathroom and grabbed new bottles of Sage's shampoo, conditioner, and body wash from under her sink, packed our toothbrushes, and then moved into her room. Since we'd begun sleeping together, I'd become well-acquainted with Sages drawers. I knew where everything was, right down to the "Junk Drawer" that housed miscellaneous hair ties, ribbons, and headbands. For good measure, I actually grabbed a few hair ties, and then moved to her other drawers and grabbed several wife-beaters, a few pairs of jeans, several pairs of underwear, and a few T-shirts.

And then I paused, listening. If they were yelling, I'd be able to hear them, but they weren't. It didn't make me worry any less. Emmett was at his worst when he didn't raise his voice… it also meant he was at his most dangerous.

"They were fine when I checked on them." I spun to find Rosalie leaning in Sage's doorway, watching me. "Checking out so soon?"

"Just preparing for the worst." I answered, shoving the rest of the clothes into the bag and zipping it shut. "Why didn't you stop him? You knew what we were up to."

"You know Emmett." She sighed, shrugging away from the doorframe and perching on the end of Sage's bed. "He was excited, he wanted to give her the good news…" she pulled a face. "And in all honesty, whatever you were doing to her was obviously the _right_ thing because we heard her from the front stoop."

The guy part of my brain did a cheer at that little ego-stroke… What guy doesn't like to hear that he made his girl scream so loud, other people knew she was being thoroughly fucked? Still…

"He needs to get it through his head that she's a _woman_."

She groaned and leaned back on her hands, making her baby bulge protrude even more. "That, he understands… he just doesn't _like_ it. Add to the fact that he never actually believed anything of significance happened with Michael, and that he thought she was still pure as the driven snow…" she shrugged nonchalantly. "You deflowered his baby sister, Jasper."

I rolled my eyes. "I've never actually understood that phrase, but it's not like I've been with every Trick on the block. I was a virgin too, Rose." She stared at me disbelievingly, but then her face softened.

"The scars."

"Damn straight, the scars!" I half-yelled, making her jump. "What? Did you think it was easy for me? That I'd be OK to show just _anyone_? Sage is _it_ for me. That's all she wrote. At least we can both tell our kids one day that we were each other's first and only."

"That's a crock and you know it." My eyes flashed. "You may have been first and only's, but that's a shit defense, Jasper. You two should've had the guts to sit down and talk this out with him."

"Because he would've listened?"

She sighed. "No. No, I don't suppose he would've."

"Then what the hell are _we_ arguing for? He's a controlling asshole and you know it!"

"He loves his sister, Jasper. He may have trouble showing it, but he loves her. He _worries_ about her. And believe it or not, you're the only threat he's ever sensed for her. He knew if you ever stopped writing, if you ever chose a girl over her, you'd break her heart. You should've seen him, _heard_ him, when you started dating Maria. God, he was a wreck! He was so fucking worried _all the damn time_ that you'd come home one day and tell Sage you couldn't be friends anymore because Maria didn't like it… and then when she got hurt? He was even more scared because you'd inadvertently caused _physical_ damage." A single tear slid down Rose's cheek and her blue eyes dulled a little under the weight. "And then came Alice." She shrugged. "And it was all that worry all over again; he was up most nights, pacing into the early hours, wondering when there would be a blow-up. He was so worried something would happen and she'd have a breakdown, or that you'd just stop being there for her… and then she started getting the attitude and then she started dating Michael, but she _still_ had the attitude and he _knew_ for certain that _you_ were the only real danger to Sage…" she drew in a shuddering breath. "And you love her. I know you do. I've always seen it in your eyes, even when you were just a fifteen year-old _kid_ with a bad attitude who got tamed by the scrawny little braniac who spouted random facts… I _knew_… and so did Emmett." She looked away, finally wiping the tear away. "Can you blame him for wanting to keep her as emotionally safe from you as possible? You're the only one who knows how to break her."

I sighed and sat next to her on the bed. "I'm the only one who knows how to fix her, too." I murmured. "And _she's_ the only one who knows how to fix _me_… We don't need each other to be whole to be in love. We're fine with putting each other back together because that's who we are to each other. I love her. I'm _in_ love with her. One day, I want to marry her and make babies with her, and she wants to live on a ranch and raise horses; she never dared to hope I'd love her but I _do_… Everything I am, everything I _want to_ _be_ is because of her… and he's killing her a little bit each day because he hates me, because he doesn't want her with me… It doesn't matter the reason, _he's_ the one hurting her. Not me."

"I know, Jasper… but you have to remember that he's playing Catch-Up now. He and Sage were starting to build a _real_ relationship… and you know she sucks at lying… this is the first thing she's ever successfully lied to him about… think how he must be feeling."

I shook my head vehemently. "No, Rose. _He_ is _your_ concern. My only concern is Sage and how she'll deal and how she'll pull through."

"And how will she?"

"Slowly. With me by her side every step of the way. Just like always."

"You're always so noble." She teased.

"And you're always a bitch." I grunted and she frowned. I shrugged. "Adding hormones didn't make you any nicer, Rose. I'm sure you caught hell last night for keeping what you knew from him, but think of it this way: Sage has had _years_ of you working against her, _years_ when she needed _someone_ to help her and I wasn't around. And you just stood back and let Emmett have his way." I snorted a laugh, shaking my head. "No fucking wonder she's got so many issues."

Rosalie glared at me. "You can't _possibly_ blame me."

"I can't?" tears welled up in her eyes at my answer. "You sure as hell never helped… and when you decided to finally be on her side, you decided to show it by harassing her, pushing her, asking her questions. Incidentally, to satisfy that _burning_ curiosity, I'm sitting pretty with ten inches." I added the last part scathingly and she made a disgusted face.

Raised voices began to filter downstairs. They weren't yelling yet, but they were both losing their cool.

"That's my cue." I sighed, standing and slinging the bag over my shoulder. "Come on. Get out of her room." I made sure Rosalie followed me up the stairs just as the fight reached a fever pitch.

"You can't just tell me what to do and expect me to do it!"

"And you can't spring something like _this_ on me and expect me to be OK with it! You _lied_ to me!"

"You never gave me any other option!"

Emmett and Sage were facing off, toe-to-toe. It would've been comical if it hadn't been for the fact that I knew Emmett posed a viable threat to my girl. I stuck my forefinger and thumb in my mouth and whistled and they both turned to look at me. "Break it up. We're leaving." Emmett made to grab her and I added, "Lay a finger on her and I'll fucking kill you."

Sage slowly stepped away from him and walked to me. "Was that necessary?" she murmured when she stepped into my arms.

"Yes." I answered into the top of her head. I was glaring at Emmett as he glared at me. "Let's go. We'll go back to the hotel, maybe we'll call Peter and Char and see if they're back from Texas. Maybe we can head up to Napa for a bit."

She nodded, her eyes falling on an envelope on the breakfast bar. She reached over and snatched it. "When did this arrive?" she checked the postmark. "Lovely. Thanks, all. I don't even get my _mail_ in this house."

I took the envelope from her. It was from Columbia—probably paperwork pertaining to the Journalism Masters Program.

I nodded. "Alright. Let's go."

"Sage," Emmett began.

"No." she replied, lacing her fingers with mine and squeezing gently. "Not interested. Gotta go see about a guy." She quirked an eyebrow at me and I smirked before leading her back outside.

As soon as we were moving, she settled herself in, but she didn't even bother to open the envelope to see what it contained.

As soon as I closed the door of the hotel room behind us, she tossed the envelope in her bag, flopped on the bed, and laid down.

"Well, I have this to say for Emmett," I sighed, "He sure knows how to drive a person crazy." And then I winced at my words. "I didn't mean that about you."

"I know." She barely moved. If I hadn't seen her mouth move, I wouldn't have been sure she'd actually said it.

I sat down next to her on the bed and watched her carefully. Her face was impassive and if I didn't know better, I'd think she were asleep. "We should talk about this."

"Why? I've made my choice. Remember?"

"It doesn't upset you at all? Your brother made you choose between us… That's gotta be at least a little—"

"I _understand_ what he did, Jasper." She cut across me. "I'm perfectly aware of the Caveman Mentality that incites the desire to stake a _claim_ on family and loved ones." Her eyes opened and she quirked an eyebrow to give me a pointed stare. The blood immediately rushed to my face and I dropped my head. "I'm not knocking it, Jasper. I'm just saying I understand perfectly what was going on."

_Of course she does…_

_ But she's not OK with it._

I laid down next to her and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Talk to me. You're not just rolling with this. I saw your reaction when we left." I murmured quietly. "Just talk to me."

"What do you want me to say? That it's upsetting as hell? It is. That if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change anything? I would, because he shouldn't have found out the way he did. But I'm putting the blame where it's due and—"

"It's _due_ for Emmett!" I snarled.

"Not _all_ of it. We messed up too." A growl rumbled through my chest before I could stop it. "Are you seriously fucking _growling_ at me? Like really?" I simply glared at her. "Don't growl at me. You're not an—wait… I can't actually say that with full conviction." A small smile played across her lips and I was forced to roll my eyes.

"Why do you always do that?"

"It's called deflection and it's a classic psychological control move. See what I did there? I _deflected_ the negative conversation with humor about your animalistic tendencies during sex. Cool, huh?" her eyes were closed again and she looked to be so relaxed.

_How the FUCK is she so relaxed?_

And then it dawned on me.

"Sage, where's the Oxy?"

"Nowhere." I sprang up off the bed and hauled her to her feet. "Jazz!" she cried, twisting out of my grip.

"Where the hell is the Goddamn Oxycodone?" I half-yelled.

"I flushed it just after Halloween!" she yelled back, twisting away from me again. She was glaring at me as she turned again. "I told you I'd tell you if I was thinking about using."

"You're too fucking relaxed for what's actually happening. Sober Sage would be up the fucking walls."

"This is Sober Sage and she's finally to the point where she understands that 'up the fucking walls' is more of a detriment than sitting on the floor and paying attention!" she yelled, and then her face broke. "Jesus, Jasper! Do you seriously think I'd break your trust just to numb out? I'd have to face you eventually. It's not like I'd be able to escape it. How the hell would I face you?" I reached for her and she stepped back. "No. Back off now. I've had enough of the Alpha Male for today and I'm tired. In the past twenty-four hours, I've admitted to someone that I love them—which until we got together, I thought was a distinct _impossibility_; I've fought with Emmett and gotten nowhere, just like always; and now _you've_ accused me of using when I flushed the pills _months_ ago. Back off."

Sighing, I backed into the corner and sat down in the easy chair. "I'm sorry." I said, my throat tight as I realized the extent of my error. "I'm so sorry…" she sat back down on the bed. "Why didn't you tell me you flushed them?"

"Because it wasn't about you. It was about _me_ taking control. If I'd told you, the process would've been tainted. It wasn't easy, it wasn't pretty, and I did it when no one was around to fuck with my process. It had to be about me and only me; about me taking control of any- and everything I could. I did it. I don't need to brag about it. I'm not a pet. I don't need you to pat me on the head and tell me _good job_ because I did what you wanted me to do. I didn't do it for you. I did it for _me_."

I had to choke back the well of hurt that threatened to bubble over at that. I needed to accept that this was her recovery. My girl, my Sage, was _finally_ not going to let anyone push her around. Not Emmett, not Rose, not even me… the big thing was that I'd never wanted to push her around.

"Have I taken your control from you?" I half-whispered, scared of the answer.

"No. You never would." I nodded, but didn't look up, too ashamed that I'd wrongfully accused her of being high and adding to the stresses of the day. The next thing I knew, she was sliding into my lap and resting her head on my shoulder. "I love you, you know." She murmured, sliding a hand under the collar of my shirt so that she could trace that favorite scar on my right shoulder.

I sighed and kissed her forehead. "I know… and you know I love you, right?"

"Of course I do."

_**Sage POV**_

I waited until I heard the basement door close before approaching Emmett in earnest. I wasn't sure if he'd come at me, but I needed Jasper to be elsewhere. I couldn't do this with him watching, I couldn't stand up for myself if he was going to do it for me. I _needed_ to face Emmett and I _needed_ to be my own protector.

Plain and simple.

"Hey, Em." I murmured, leaning against the doorframe. He cocked his head and turned it to watch me out of the corner of his eye, but he was silent. "Rough night?"

"I've had worse." He answered before taking a gulp of his coffee. "What brings you back? Can't be that you've had a sudden change of heart."

I sighed.

_Obviously we're going for a verbal assault first. Gotta love the classics._

"I love him, Emmett. And he loves me." He smirked and shook his head. "Be _happy_ for me. I've found someone who loves me."

"And how long after you left yesterday did it take him to convince you that you loved him?"

_Oh BEAUTIFUL! Fuck._

"Emmett, the reason I didn't say it when you challenged him was because then it would've seemed as if I was saying it to justify myself to you… and I don't need to do that. I love him. I'm _in_ love with him. I want to be with him and I want to live with him and he wants to have babies with me… and I _really_ like the sound of that. It makes me _happy_ to think of that."

He shook his head. "You're a _kid_."

"I'm _not_ a _kid_, Emmett. Look at me!" he sighed and turned, leaning against the railing, but he was finally looking me in the eye—something he'd _never_ done when we fought. "I'm almost _twenty_ years old… and I know I'm your baby sister, but it isn't so heavy on the _baby_ anymore. It hasn't been for a long time and I'm sorry that you're having trouble coming to grips with that, but it just _is_." He was unmoved. "I've never once stood in the way of you and Rosalie. I've never once asked you to choose me over her because I know that you _love_ her and that you always have… why can't you see that with me and Jasper? Something like this… it doesn't just happen every day. It doesn't come around all that often, but I'm not letting it or him go. I'd rather die."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't be melodramatic, Sage Anne. It's unbecoming."

"I'm not being melodramatic, Emmett." I refused to patronize him like he was doing to me, so I swallowed the urge to use his full name. "I'm being honest. Don't you feel that way about Rose? Wouldn't you rather die than lose her? Because I'd rather die than lose Jasper, and I've been _so scared_ that that's exactly what would happen… that he'd decide I wasn't worth the effort or that he didn't want to wait for me to be fixed… but Jasper's been putting me back together for _years_ and when I asked him to, he stood back and he let me put myself back together… That _says_ something, Emmett! That's love, when the other person knows when you _have_ to do something and they _let_ you… even when their gut and their brain and their heart are all screaming at them to help and to fix it and to make it right… They _let you_."

He sighed. "Sage… I get that this is big for you… aside from Michael, it's your only big, important relationship, but—"

"It's the _only_ relationship that matters." I cut him off, holding a hand up. "One of the reasons I've never asked you to choose me over Rose is because I always knew I'd lose… I always lose with you. It's the way we work, Emmett." I sighed, steeling myself. "So I need you to hear me when I say this: Don't ask me to choose between you and Jasper, because _you_ will lose."

"I'm your brother."

"I know."

"I've taken care of you your whole life."

"No… you haven't." I argued quietly. I hadn't raised my voice at all, I was doing my best to keep our conversation civil, lest Jasper decide to make good on his promise. "You did what you were obligated to do… but feeding me, clothing me? Those are obligations, that's not actual _care_. You didn't care when Joey Ostenbach called me a freak because I was teaching myself Gaelic. You didn't care when Mike Newton told me I was one ugly kid and he hoped I'd save enough money for some plastic surgery… You never _cared_ all those nights that I fell asleep crying because everyone thought I was weird and my only friend was over two thousand miles away… You _cared_ when guys made a pass at me, but only because you didn't want me to get a reputation. You _cared_ when it served a purpose for _you_… but you didn't _care_ how I felt. You didn't care that I was depressed, only that it made your life more difficult." I took a deep breath. "Jasper _cared_. He cared about all of it. He cared when I was sobbing and when I was happy, when I was angry and scared… He _cared_. And he loves me now."

Emmett cleared his throat, studying me for a long moment. "End it now, before you get hurt."

"No." I answered simply. It was going to take a hell of a lot more than that.

"Now."

I shrugged. "No."

"Sage, you—"

"Don't care what you think anymore." He paused, staring at me. "What? You're surprised? I don't. There's no reason for me to, you don't care what I think."

"He'll only hurt you."

"You don't know that."

"It's what _he_ does!"

"That's what you _think_ he does." I sighed. "Jasper's never purposely hurt me emotionally or physically and he's not about to start now."

"_Purposely_?"

I shrugged. "It happens. Don't look at me that way. The first time you had sex with Rose, she had rug burn on her ass." He grimaced at the memory. I sighed again. "I love him."

"You say that _now_."

I shrugged. "OK then."

"That's it?"

"Yup."

"That's all you've got to say for yourself?"

"Doesn't matter. Got nothing else to say to you." I turned and headed for the basement steps, intent on simply yelling down to Jasper that I was ready.

He followed me. "Dammit, Sage! I'm being your big brother here! I'm trying to fucking help and I'm trying to keep you safe! You're a fucking Chronic Depressive. You don't need this shit right now! Just break up with him and let him go on his merry way before you _both_ end up miserable!" he half-yelled.

I spun, glaring, and could tell he'd spoken before his brain had engaged, but it was too late now.

"You can't just tell me what to do and expect me to do it!"

"And you can't spring something like _this_ on me and expect me to be OK with it! You _lied_ to me!"

"You never gave me any other option!"

The basement door opened then and Jasper strode out to us, followed closely by Rosalie.

_**End Note: Teasers for reviewers!**_


	49. Suicide Solution

_**A/N: I don't own anything except Sage and the plot.**_

_**This story is rated M for adult content, situations, and lemons. If you are not 18, you should not be reading this.**_

_**I love RemyKilday and Siobhan2006, my awesome pre-readers.**_

_**My Schwoogie-Muffin is HammerHips—I love her lots.**_

_*****OK, I know I've been totally epic-fail on the review replies and teasers lately, but in my defense, these past few weeks have been one long lesson in Murphy's Law and I'm so sorry! I'll try to do better.**_

Chapter 48: Suicide Solution

_Wine is fine  
But whiskey's quicker  
Suicide is slow with liquor  
Take a bottle drain your sorrows  
THEN IT FLOODS AWAY TOMMOROW!  
Evil thoughts and evil doings  
Cold, alone you hang in ruins  
Thought you'd escape the reaper  
You can't escape the master keeper  
'Cause you feel life's unreal and you're living a lie  
Such a shame who's to blame and you're wondering why_

-"Suicide Solution" by Ozzy Osbourne

_**Sage POV**_

We only stayed at the Bayview for another night. We went home after that and settled into a new, profoundly uncomfortable dynamic. We were two couples existing in the same space, but never crossing some imaginary border. We didn't speak to them, they didn't speak to us.

Jasper and I quietly celebrated my birthday together, but otherwise, it went unmentioned.

By the tenth, Jasper and I were both on edge and he was forced to practically carry me into therapy because I was adamant we'd fail whatever super secret shrink test Doctor Cullen had planned.

"So how are things?" Doctor Cullen asked brightly. I simply slumped in my chair.

Jasper sighed. "They've been better, honestly. Emmett's still not speaking to her and it's upsetting her."

"Why isn't Emmett speaking to you?"

_Fuck._

Jasper eyed me carefully, but I simply sunk deeper into the oversized black hoodie I'd stolen from him all those years ago.

"You didn't tell him?" he hissed at me. I pulled my legs up under the hoodie and flipped the hood up over my thick braid.

"Sage," Doctor Cullen warned softly. "What's the rule about hiding?" I sighed and pushed the hood back. "Thank you." I gave him a weak, sarcastic smile.

Today was not my day. Apparently it wasn't Doctor Cullen's either. Tomorrow wasn't looking so good either.

Jasper reached over and stroked my hair before turning back to Doctor Cullen. "Emmett… found out about us… for lack of a better way to explain it."

"I see." He scribbled a note. "How'd that go?"

"Not so good… could've been better." Jasper was trying to hint at _how_ Emmett had found out without actually _saying_ it.

"How so?"

We both groaned and I immediately pulled the hood back up and sunk so low into the hoodie, only my eyes were visible.

"Ah. I… see." More notes. "Obviously it wasn't the best way for that to happen." We both stared at him with looks that clearly said "_Ya think?_". "Have you tried speaking to him, Sage?"

"Yes." I answered, but it was muffled by the sweatshirt.

"Sage, hiding."

I sighed again, sat up straighter and pushed the hood back. This time, Jasper reached out and entwined his fingers with mine. "He didn't take it well. He just kept telling me I was a kid and Jasper would hurt me." Jasper's grip tightened at that. He was highly offended, and I understood that. "I don't think I'll ever be able to make him understand."

"But you still want to move in with Jasper?"

"Yes." Jasper's grip relaxed slightly at my answer.

I'd been shutting him out and hiding a lot lately. Since we had no reason to hide our relationship anymore, we locked my bedroom door at night and Jasper slept with me, but that was _all_ that was happening in my bed. Sleep.

Part of me was humiliated that my brother had interrupted us, part of me was angry to have been discovered that way, and part of me was scared of a repeat. Sadly, I knew that Jasper was the one truly being punished for all of this, which only served to feed my self-loathing. It was a vicious circle I seemed to be stuck in, and Jasper's attempts to make me feel better weren't making a dent because I was slipping so quickly.

"Sage, did you hear me?" I snapped my head up and blinked my confusion. Doctor Cullen looked truly worried. "Sage, be straight with me. Do we need to revisit the medication discussion?"

"No." I answered immediately. I didn't want medication. I didn't want to be stifled and not process. I _needed_ to process and feel this shit out. I couldn't do that with the pills.

Jasper's face fell though. He thought I needed the medication. He'd never been around me when I was on it though. I wasn't any different than I was currently acting… except for a brief respite when I'd been changed to a different medication and it hadn't had time to kick in fully. I'd been on it when I went to Georgia for Jasper's Basic Graduation. That was his only experience with me on anti-depressants and it wasn't an informed decision for him.

He stroked my knuckles with his thumb. "Maybe you should give them a shot?"

"No."

"Sage, Sweetie, I'm only trying to—"

"You _don't_ know what being on anti-depressants is like, so don't _tell_ me what _you_ think is best!" I snapped, pulling my hand out of his grasp.

"Sage," Doctor Cullen warned again. "Jasper's only trying to help." I sighed and nodded my apology to him. He gave me a sad smile in return. "Why don't you want to go back on medication? Tell _him_. He doesn't understand, you need to _express_ your _needs_."

I squeezed my eyes shut for a minute. _This_ was why I didn't want Jasper in any of my therapy sessions. I didn't want to have to explain this shit to him, to _hope_ that he'd understand.

"Because it makes it hard to think and feel… It's like everything's… muffled. I always felt like I was just taking up space, but nothing was sinking in." I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. "They just made me not _care_ and I want to."

He nodded and I could tell he was struggling to understand how I felt. "OK." He answered hoarsely.

"Jasper," Doctor Cullen sighed. "If you aren't prepared to deal with the fact that Sage may be backsliding again, you need to tell her now… once you're moved out and on your own, you're her emotional support. You're going to have to provide stability when there is none to be had… and there will be times where it may feel like you're babysitting her. She may lash out, she may close up, she may run—"

"She won't run from me." He replied swiftly. "And I'm prepared to do whatever it takes. I want her with me. No ifs, ands, or buts about it."

A half-hour later, we were pulling up in front of the house. Emmett's and Rose's cars were nowhere to be found. They'd been working late a lot since New Years…

"Tell me what to do." Jasper whispered as I unbuckled my seatbelt. I stared at him, watching his pleading eyes. "Tell me you still want to be with me, that you still want to do this? Please?"

"Of course I do." I whispered. He simply nodded, but I knew I needed to work through this and get back to being his girlfriend. I groaned and leaned against him. "I'm sorry. I'm really taking this out on you and I shouldn't be."

His arms wrapped around me protectively and I felt his lips brush my temple. "I know you don't mean to."

"Not meaning to isn't an excuse, Jazz. I'm still doing it. Don't be so easy on me."

"Don't be so hard on yourself." He retorted. "Emmett finding out didn't go anywhere _close_ to _well_. It's understandable."

I rolled my eyes and slid across the seat to climb out the passenger door. I didn't want him being so kind and easy on me. I wanted him to be angry and demand that I snap out of it and treat him like the man I love. It was what I deserved.

Instead, I let him wrap his arm around me and guide me into the house and down to my room. I kissed him, and stripped him; I made love to him and tried to make him understand with my body what I couldn't verbalize. I knew it was futile, but I tried.

As the days wore on, I slowly came out of the slump. Instead of being sad that Emmett wasn't speaking to me, I grew to enjoy it. I started to keep track of how many things I was doing that Emmett would've forbade me to do.

Highest on the list was sex.

Once I started bringing my head above water again, I couldn't get enough of Jasper. Sadly, our schoolwork was suffering for it, but neither of us complained. Between school, work, therapy, and shopping for our apartment, there was very little time left for schoolwork and each other. We were momentarily sacrificing the schoolwork in favor of reconnecting, and I found that it helped to put things into perspective.

Eventually though, we did settle down and get back to business as usual… or… as usual as was possible for us now.

"King or Queen?"

I glanced up from my American History notes to find him clicking away on his laptop. He shot me a quick look and I blinked.

"King or Queen?"

I blinked again. Had we been discussing something?

"Depends… on what you're talking about."

He smirked. "Beds."

"Oh… Uh… I don't know. Whatever you want, I guess."

"Didn't you mention wanting a King?"

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me, Jazz. Whatever you want."

Jasper was frowning now. "Are we backtracking?" he whispered.

I rolled my eyes and sat up. "No. It just honestly isn't a big deal to me… we slept well in your Queen, there's no reason not to get another… but if you want a King, then let's get a King." He stared at me as though he were trying to see inside my head and I sighed. "It's not the End All, Be All to me."

"But it's _our_ space."

And there it was: he wanted me to gut and go crazy on our space to show him I was really in this.

I crawled across the bed and settled myself against him, resting my head on his chest. "Show me what you've got."

"You sure?" he murmured into my hair.

"You're right. It's _our_ space. Let's make it ours."

Hours later, we'd settled on a King-size bed, a frame for it, bedding, and furniture for our bedroom. It was an exhausting process. I wasn't sure I'd ever done so much shopping and debating in my life, and I was silently thankful it had been completely online.

The rest of January passed in a blur. We finished packing on the 31st, and on February first, movers arrived to take our couch, TV, coffee table, and boxes of clothes and possessions. The only things we took with us in the truck were our laptops, iPods, and guitars, because we didn't trust the movers with them.

Our apartment wasn't very well furnished to start, but we needed to take measurements for things like desks, since Alice had annihilated mine and Jasper wanted a new one since she'd managed to bang his up pretty badly.

Peter and Charlotte had decided to furnish our kitchen for us as a belated Christmas present. It was definitely a relief not to have to buy pots, pans, and utensils, and we settled for cobalt blue place settings from Walmart.

Rosalie stopped by in the second week of February, just as we were putting the finishing touches on the office. Jasper led her back as I was finishing up the baseboard in the rich cream color we'd chosen to compliment the forest green walls.

"Looks good, Sage." She smiled.

"Thanks, Rosalie." I answered. "How's my brother?"

She shrugged sadly. "He's been better. You should stop by. I'm sure he'd love to see you."

I snorted a laugh. "Right. He misses me so much he hasn't called… he couldn't even be bothered to say goodbye when I left two weeks ago."

"Sage, you know Emmett, he's—"

"She's been demanding he be referred to as anything other than his name." Jasper murmured, casting a wary glance at me.

It was true. The day before we moved out, I'd attempted to speak to Emmett, only to be completely shut down. My emotions had been so raw and edged that I'd had trouble sleeping and Jasper had been forced to call Doctor Cullen for some backup.

Rosalie sighed. "You know your _brother_… he's an oaf and an idiot… but he loves you."

_Sure._

_Because you show your love for someone by all but cheering that they're getting out of your life._

_You show your love by treating them like a burden… and controlling their every move…_

If I was being honest with myself, I knew I was bitter. Ultimately, I felt a huge sense of rejection from Emmett, and what was worse, it bothered me that I felt rejected and that I was bothered about being rejected. I wanted my brother to love me, and I wanted him to see me as an adult and an equal… someone who could make her own decisions in life without needing to be babysat.

I was having trouble vocalizing my need for reassurance, however, which was what had spurred the intervention with Doctor Cullen. Even when Jasper agreed to go for a drive and give me some time alone with Doctor Cullen, I still couldn't find the words, so we'd simply sat in silence. I'd buried the pain, but I knew I'd have to address it eventually. Jasper was going to my next therapy session with me, and I was thinking of asking him to come to the next Family Group Therapy at the end of the month.

"I'm sure he does." I answered vaguely. I tossed my paintbrush in the roller pan and stood. "Glad we had this talk, Rose. It was good to see you again." I stood on my toes to give Jasper a kiss and the sighed, "I'm shower bound. Have a good visit."

_**Jasper POV**_

I hated the fact that Sage was so upset and slipping so quickly. As much as she'd wanted to be free of Emmett, she also craved his respect and acceptance. The denial of those two increasingly vital things only seemed to make her slip faster. She had her good days and she had her bad days, but then there were _really_ bad days where I couldn't get her out of bed, couldn't get her to eat.

The day I'd had Doctor Cullen paged and begged him to come over, she'd managed to get the key for the interior doors from its hiding spot on top of the doorframe to our bedroom, and lock the bedroom door before locking herself in the bathroom.

Thankfully, Doctor Cullen had some lock-picking superpower and we carried her out to the living room and confiscated the key from her. I left them to talk and immediately drove to home depot, intent on buying doorknobs that didn't lock. I'd put the original knobs back on the doors when we eventually moved out, but I couldn't afford for her to be locking herself into rooms so she could hide. It just wasn't going to fly.

She refused to tell me what was going on in her head, and from the tension filling the room when I got back, I can only assume she'd refused to open up to the Good Doctor as well. Thankfully, she'd at least taken a step forward and asked me to go to therapy with her—this time to actually participate.

The closer we got to that session, however, the more nervous I became. I had a feeling I knew what we'd be discussing: her letter and what happened in Iraq… it was a long-overdue conversation and I knew I wouldn't get out of it… but that didn't mean I hadn't at least _hoped_.

When Rose decided to pay us an unannounced visit, I should've known shit would go downhill fast. I almost didn't let her in, but she insisted she came in peace and brought a housewarming present as a peace offering. Only problem was that she immediately brought up Emmett.

Sage had stopped saying his name and any time I mentioned him by name, she tuned me out entirely. I eventually got tired of her going glassy-eyed on me and just started referring to him as "your brother" to her. I should've known to at least warn Rose not to refer to him by name, but I'd been too surprised to think about it…

And now my girl was up in the shower, and knowing her, she'd sit on the shower floor and let the water run over her until long after it went cold. She might even start the shower cold and not even bother with the hot. She did that from time to time in an attempt to create some sort of numb sensation.

"She OK?" Rosalie asked tentatively.

I sighed and raked my fingers through my hair. "Not exactly."

"She talking about it at least?" I gave her an incredulous look. "He won't be happy if you're not on her to get better." She warned.

"Fuck you , Rose. I do more for her recovery than Emmett ever did." I snarled. "He wanted her to take pills and be fixed and that shit doesn't work that way! He might even know that if he ever paid the slightest bit of attention to her needs, but he didn't and we're doing just _fine_." I took a breath, willing my anger to get under control. "She has good days and bad days and then there are days like this where mentioning his name sets her off. She's working on her recovery as best she can with all the roadblocks in the way, and there isn't anyone on earth who can say she isn't trying hard enough."

She nodded, eyes on her rapidly swelling stomach. "I want my baby to know her aunt and uncle."

I shrugged. "She will. It'll just probably be you and us, but she'll know us."

"That sounds so strained." She sighed. "I don't want it to be strained. I want us as a family. Like we used to be."

I snorted a laugh. "I'm sorry, Rose, but when were _we_ ever actually a family?" her eyes fell again at that. "Rose, you've ignored me for most of my life. You never showed an interest. And things only got worse after I took the belt for you. You left home, you didn't take my calls, you didn't answer my e-mails… and after Mom died, you said you'd come home if I needed you, but I didn't trust you enough to hold you to that. If you'd cared so much, maybe you'd have tried to get custody of me, maybe you wouldn't have left me in David's care, but you _did_. And shit only got worse after Mom passed. I was the only target left, I was the only one for him to aim his anger at… so don't stand there with your hand on that bump and a hope for the future resting on a past that never _existed_. You wanna be a family? Make one. Sage and I are each other's family now. You go play _House_ and _Family_ with Emmett."

She rubbed the bump that was my niece and sighed. "I've told Emmett I won't marry him unless he makes things right with Sage." And for the first time, I noticed the vacant spot on her left hand. "Because I _do_ want us all to be a family, Jasper. We're all each other has."

_Well I'll be damned._

_ She fuckin' chose us over Emmett… for once._

"It's not enough." I replied coldly. "Putting Emmett in his place isn't enough anymore. I needed a sister years ago. I don't _need_ anyone but Sage now… so if you want family, you need to prove it to me. I'm tired of being ignored."

She nodded quietly. "I do intend to make it up to you."

"You'll never make it up to me. You can give me a reason to start fresh with you, but you'll never make it up to me." I answered. "Now, I appreciate the visit, and this wonderful chat, and the housewarming present… but I need to check on my girl." She nodded and I escorted her to the door before turning and trudging up the stairs and into our room.

The bathroom door was open and the shower was still running, so I stepped in and peered through the glass door to see her sitting on the cold tiles, knees pulled to her chest, forehead resting on her knees, as the water streamed down onto her.

I sighed, stripped, and stepped into the shower. I sat down behind her and pulled her backward until she rested against my chest. "I love you." I murmured into her stringy, wet hair.

There was a small sigh and then she lifted her head and rested it against my shoulder, peering up at me as she did. "I love you, too." She gave another shuddering sigh and kissed my throat. "Doctor Caius always threw around _abandonment issues_ like they were going out of style… he could blame any- and everything on my abandonment issues… I feel like such a fucking idiot." her voice trembled with that last statement. "I thought he might actually ask me to stay… or… I don't know… maybe at least _try_ to give me a reason? I wouldn't have stayed, but… I wanted him to care enough to _try_." She was on the verge of tears again. She been this way for weeks, but I'd never actually caught the tears in her eyes… she always stopped it before they got this far.

"Darlin', I know… but you can't let him get to you this way… You can be angry all you want, but you can't let him beat you down like this, because it's only a ghost beating you now." I pulled her closer, attempting to keep us both from freezing under the cold stream of water. She was covered in goosebumps and my skin was starting to copy hers.

Sage sighed again. "I love you, Jazz." She whispered, kissing my neck again. I smiled and kissed her forehead. "I'm cold."

"Did you use up all the hot?" she shook her head and stood, turning the knob as hot as it would go so that we could warm up quickly. I stood behind her, pressing against her, so that we could both get some hot water, and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, hugging her to me. "I love you. So much."

We washed up, dried off, and then simply crawled into bed. It didn't matter that it was only three in the afternoon, Sage was simply feeling too raw to function. At least if I was with her, she'd talk when she was ready, and she'd know I was there to listen. I'd learned too late that part of her depression was a feeling of isolation and loneliness. I never wanted her to feel alone. I never wanted her to feel isolated. She always had me and I'd make sure she knew it.

She wasn't much better by the time I joined her in therapy. I'd confiscated all hoodies and put them in storage because I was sick of her hiding out. I was ready to drop her into O and E, but instead, I'd called Doctor Cullen and he'd talked me down and insisted on patience.

By the time we were there, however, I was at my wits end with her. She hadn't eaten in two days and it was showing. She was gaunt, and sallow. She'd been dropping weight like crazy because she'd picked at her food for days.

I felt like I was failing her. I only brought that up once, because it only made things worse.

"Sage? Are you doing your Photo Therapy?"

She didn't answer him, so I did. "No. And she's not running either."

Doctor Cullen sighed. "When's the last time she ate?"

"Saturday… but not much. She had a few bites of beef curry and then she said she was full."

Normally, Sage _hated_ to be talked about like she wasn't there. Emmett did it to her all the time. But today, she just simply sat there and stared.

"Doctor Cullen, I think maybe she should be admitted." I'd meant for that to get a rise out of her, but she didn't even act as if she'd heard me. "And I packed a bag for her, in case you want to do it immediately."

He sighed and stared at Sage. "Sage, did you hear what Jasper said? You're not working your program and he's worried enough to have you admitted." He shot me a look and I shrugged.

"She made me her Medical Proxy just after Thanksgiving… is she in a right state of mind to make medical decisions?" I hated the thought of being underhanded about the whole damn thing, but I didn't see another way. I didn't want her here, but maybe it was what she needed in order to focus. Maybe I was too close to the situation… maybe _home_ wasn't home _enough_ for her and she needed to take a step back.

I felt ill with those thoughts.

"I think it's safe to say you can admit her." He answered and Sage's face fell. She made no argument. It dawned on me then that she _wanted_ to be admitted, and I felt a hole opening in my chest with that realization.

I went out to the truck and retrieved the bag I'd packed for her. Toothbrush, hairbrush, toiletries, comfortable underwear, but no bras, plenty of yoga pants and T-shirts, one of my old Army T-shirts that I wore around for a day so it smelled like me, a few extra pairs of jeans, and Ziggy Two. Everything she needed for at least a week, though I wasn't sure how long they'd keep her.

When I returned, Doctor Cullen was speaking quietly to her. She simply nodded a few times and he stood as I re-entered his office. "I'll give you a few moments."

I set the bag down and crouched in front of her so that I could see her eyes. She stared at me and I could tell she was hurting, more so because she felt she was hurting me. "I love you." I whispered.

"I love you, too." She whispered shakily as tears began pouring down her cheeks. "I'm sorry... I'm stuck. I'm broken."

I shook my head and pulled her out of the chair and into my lap, cradling her to me. "You're not broken, not even close." I replied, stroking her hair. "But you are stuck… and maybe this'll help you get _un_stuck. I hate the thought of leaving you here, but I'm so worried about you." She sobbed and buried her face in my chest. "It's OK, Baby. It's OK. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I'll visit every day and we'll figure this out. Remember?"

Sage nodded slowly. "We're in this together." She murmured sadly. She was feeling guilty. She thought she was holding me back… not realizing that the only way forward was _with_ her. "I love you, Jazz."

We kissed deeply for several moments and then Doctor Cullen returned and I pecked her on the lips once more, told her I loved her again, and waved as he escorted her down the hall to the steel fire doors that marked the beginning of the ward.

_**End Note: Again, I'm sorry for the epic-fail that is my teaser/review reply. I'll definitely try to do better, so please review!**_


	50. Secrets Part 2

_**A/N: Still no ownage**_

_**This story is rated M for adult content, situations, language, and lemons.**_

_**Thank you as always to Siobhan2006 and RemyKilday for pre-reading.**_

_**All my love to HammerHips, the best Schwoogie-Muffin in the world.**_

_*****Yes, I know I still fail on the teasers. In my defense, I only have one arm this week, as I cracked and pinched my right shoulder. Thank God this chapter's been written and beta'd for about a month.**_

Chapter 49: Secrets Part 2

_I need another story  
Something to get off my chest  
My life gets kinda boring  
Need something that I can confess  
'Til all my sleeves are stained red  
From all the truth that I've said  
Come by it honestly I swear  
Thought you saw me wink, no  
I've been on the brink, so  
Tell me what you want to hear  
Something that delight those ears  
Sick of all the insincere  
I'm gonna give all my secrets away  
This time, don't need another perfect lie  
Don't care if critics ever jump in line  
I'm gonna give all my secrets away_

-"Secrets" by One Republic

_**Jasper POV**_

Though I'd promised to visit every day, I wasn't allowed to see Sage until Wednesday… nine days after I'd admitted her; it was absolute torture. I didn't know if she was OK, if she was scared, if she was working things out… Doctor Cullen had met me at the front desk each day and handed me a small scrap of paper each time before apologizing and telling me that I wasn't able to see her yet.

The scraps of paper were the only things that kept me from taking her out again. They weren't much, just _I love you_ and a small heart drawn in pencil, but she was letting me know that she was surviving, at least.

On Wednesday, I expected much of the same, but Doctor Cullen gave me a small smile as I approached and asked, "Would you like to see what she's been working on?"

"OK…" I answered with trepidation. I followed him down the hall, but we didn't head for the ward. Instead, he veered off to the right and we headed toward a room I knew was used for group activities and indoor exercise.

He opened the door and I followed him in. Sage was already there, with a big, burly man I'd never seen before, and they were standing next to a boxing bag. Her hands were wrapped like a boxer's would be, which had me worried about what she was doing that needed her wrists braced and her knuckles covered.

"That's Charles." Doctor Cullen murmured to me. "He's a therapist in his own right, but, like Sage, he likes to treat depression with Endorphin Therapy. He's had her out running fifteen miles a day. For the past two days, they've been doing Rage Exercises." He explained

"Rage Exercises?" I whispered and he nodded. "What the hell is a Rage Exercise?"

He smiled. "Sage has abandonment issues, but I'm sure you know that." I nodded. "Sometimes… when everyone you love goes away, you begin to expect _anyone_ you love to go away." He gave me a pointed look. "And sometimes, the mind combats the fear by turning it into anger."

"But I've already told her I'm not going anywhere."

He nodded. "She knows that, but by now, it's a knee-jerk reaction for her to brace herself. You were apart for so many years, that in a way, you coming back into her life is more like an invasion to her space… she needs to deal with her issues and her anger so that she can finally understand that _you_ aren't going anywhere."

_No matter how many times I tell her…_

_ She never believed me._

_ She had to have believed me on some level…_

_ Right?_

Sage still hadn't seen us. We'd moved off to the far corner of the room, and it was big enough that our voices didn't carry, so I assumed she didn't hear us. She looked to be doing better… she had color in her cheeks again and she didn't appear so underfed… of course, she knew that here, if she didn't eat, they'd stick a needle in her and thread a line. Sage hates needles.

"So… what are we doing then?" I murmured, fixing my eyes on my girl.

Doctor Cullen smiled. "Just watch."

And I did. And Charles told her to hit bag, and she did… she _tapped_ it with her fist. I'd never been on the receiving end of Sage's fist, but I knew from stories Bella had recounted that she'd once broken Paul's nose and was responsible for blackening several eyes belonging to La Push boys who'd gotten too cocky. My girl had spunk… and she _tapped_ the fucking bag.

"Come on, Sage. _Hit_ the bag." Charles commanded. She threw more weight behind the next punch, but still, the bag barely moved. "Hit the Goddamn bag, Sage! Get angry!" she hit it again, but it was weaker.

"We've been stuck here for two days… but today, Charles is going to start preying on her insecurities instead of simply telling her to hit the bag." Doctor Cullen murmured.

"Come on! I know you've gotta be pissed! Show me! You're mom died on you. You're dad drank himself straight into a jail cell." She punched harder this time, but she didn't stop. She kept right. On. Punching. "Your brother left you as soon as he graduated… and the only time he stepped back into your life was to tell you what to do, come on! Don't tap the bag, put your weight into it!" he pushed the bag back at her as it nearly collided with his chest. She was throwing them so hard now, I was afraid she'd snap her wrists or at least end up with Boxer's Breaks.

Charles' eyes landed on me as he shifted around the bag slightly, still antagonizing her. He cocked an eyebrow and maintained eye contact with me as he said, "Your boyfriend went into the military instead of trying to be with you. Are you mad about that too?"

She screamed and instead of punching, shoved the bag into him roughly. She was red-faced and tears were streaming down her cheeks as she punched, kneed, and shoved at the bag until she collapsed, cradling her head in her hands and sobbing.

Charles walked to us, nodding for me to go to her as he did. I crossed the room as quickly as I could and sat with Sage, pulling her into my lap, though she tried to push me away.

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." I murmured, but my assurances only seemed to make her cry harder. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry I wasn't with you when you needed me most. I'm so sorry." I began rocking her back and forth as she clung to me.

"I'm.." she sobbed. "I'm not mad at _you_! I'm mad at myself for always being so-so sc-scared that you'll l-leave!" she sobbed again and I held her tighter, kissing her hair.

As she continued to cry quietly, I slowly and gently unwrapped her hands, grimacing at the purple blotches covering her knuckles and the wrists. She'd busted capillaries while working the bag, obviously, but I was worried about Boxer's Breaks until she began bending and flexing her wrists without pain. I kissed every bruise and continued to rock her, occasionally talking to her, but for the most part, we were silent.

I can't tell you how long we stayed that way, but it was dark by the time she climbed out of my lap, kissed me goodbye, and allowed Charles to escort her back to the ward. Doctor Cullen walked me out.

"I want to keep her until at least Friday, Jasper… but it could be longer. Do you need a note for her professors?"

"That'd probably be a good idea."

He nodded. "I'll write one up and have it ready for you tomorrow… but I don't know yet if you'll be able to see her. We've got a lot to sift through… she's had a breakthrough, but I don't want to go poking at it right now when she's so exhausted, so I'll give her the night and we'll see where we are tomorrow morning." I nodded morosely. "This is good news." He assured me.

"I know… It's just hard… watching her like this."

Doctor Cullen gave me a knowing look. "I understand how you feel, but she's a strong woman and she is working on it. She's just hit a snag. They happen, even in the best and seemingly easiest recoveries, they happen."

I nodded. "Thanks, Doctor Cullen." He smiled encouragingly and I headed outside.

Cell phones weren't allowed on the ward, and since I was never sure how far into the building I was going, I'd simply left my phone in the truck. When I checked it as I started the truck, I saw that Rosalie had called and I immediately hit _Call Back_.

_"Hi."_ She answered.

"Hey."

_"You sound like someone stomped on your puppy."_ Dare I say? She sounded _concerned_.

I took a deep breath, attempting to keep my emotions in check and my voice even. "Sage isn't doing so well."

There was a long silence, followed by, "Why don't you come over? It's just me and we can talk… I'm making your favorite…"

_Beef brisket…_

She couldn't wrap her head around meat loaf, but my sister made the best brisket this side of Texas.

_Fuck…_

"Sure… I'll be over." I hung up and drove, though I took it slower than I normally would've. By the time I go there, Rose was just pulling the brisket out of the oven.

"So what's happened?" she asked, setting a plate down in front of me.

I just stared at it. I loved brisket… Rose used my mom's old recipe… but I was missing Sage too much to really care about the food. "She backslid… got stuck…" I pushed the plate away and covered my face with my hands. "I admitted her to the clinic…" when I pulled my hands away, I was surprised to find they were wet, and even more surprised to feel tears slipping down my cheeks.

Rose rested her hand on mine and squeezed gently. "She'll be OK." She told me confidently.

"I don't know anymore. I don't think I'm enough." That worry had been with me for weeks, but it was the first time I'd voiced it.

"Of course you are! Jasper, she loves you, and she knows how much you love her!" she squeezed my hand tighter.

I shook my head. "I never realized how bad her abandonment issues were." I murmured.

Rose took in a sharp breath. "Are they still talking about that? Emmett was always so angry when Doctor Caius would toss that out."

"He didn't do it just for kicks." I replied angrily, but I checked my tone and continued more evenly. "She has a reason, don't you think? And she's scared _I'll_ leave her too."

Rosalie pursed her lips a moment before taking a deep breath and replying, "You just have to remind her you won't." I scoffed and she squeezed my hand again. "Jasper, the one thing you have over Emmett… over their dad… over their mom… is that _you_ are _always_ there for her. She _knows_ deep down how much you care. What you need to remember is that right now, she can't see the forest for the trees."

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "_What_?"

The corner of her mouth twitched a little and she gave a small smile. "She's never told you that before?" I shook my head. "Back when she was…" she shifted uncomfortably. "_Medicated_… And she was trying to explain to Emmett what was wrong and why she couldn't just be fixed, she would say_ 'Some people can't see the trees for the forest, and others can't see the forest for the trees… but when I'm in my disease, I do a pretty good job of clear-cutting it all.'_ And I think that's fairly accurate. Right now, she can't see the big picture because all she sees is the trees. Tomorrow she may see nothing _but_ the big picture and she won't be able to pick out individual important moments that create the big picture. The _point_ is that you may have to remind her what the big picture looks like… and sometimes you may have to point out the intricacies. Then there may be days where she doesn't see any of it… But it doesn't mean she doesn't know you love her."

"What's happened?"

Our heads snapped up to find Emmett hovering in the entryway, watching us. How long had he been there? Too long, if he was asking what was wrong… but the look in his eye told me he was genuinely concerned. I'd never seen him look so ill with whatever was flashing through his head.

"I had Sage admitted. She slipped and got stuck." I told him simply. "Thanks for the dinner offer and the shoulder, Rose… but I think I'll just head home." I stood and kissed the top of her head before heading for the door.

As I passed him, Emmett's hand shot out and halted at my chest, forcing me to stop. It was an open palm, he just wanted me to stop.

"Is she OK?"

I glared at him. "They have her doing Rage Exercises to try and deal with her abandonment issues." He grimaced and I could tell it was a mixture of frustration at hearing about the old issues and pain at the thought of Rage Exercises. "She's been going downhill since you refused to accept our relationship… No matter what she says, no matter how hard she tries… she _cares_ what you think and she _needs_ your support and acceptance… and until she either figures out that she doesn't actually need it, or she just stops caring, I have a feeling she's going to be stuck a lot." My eyes dropped to his hand, still positioned on my chest. "Now take your hand off me or I'll remove it from your body."

He dropped his hand and I continued toward the door. "Jasper," he called and I froze, hand on the knob. "Keep me posted?"

I rolled my eyes. "You don't fucking deserve it. You don't deserve her." I turned. "But yeah… because as much as she'll _hate_ the idea that I'm going behind her back and updating you on her status, I know it'll mean something to her in the long run… but really, you should think about asking her yourself. It'll mean a hell of a lot more."

_**Sage POV**_

I hated Rage Exercises. OK, that was a lie. I was OK with them until Charles started in on my issues. Then I wasn't OK with them… but once Jasper had me in his arms again, once I'd explained that it wasn't _him_, but my fear that stunted me… Well, I made peace with my dear and fluffy Lord in that moment.

Why?

I've no idea

I wasn't sure I ever would know… but having Jasper there holding me, having him see me at my _absolute worst_… It finally, _truly_ sunk in. He wasn't going anywhere… not as long as I didn't want him to.

That didn't mean I wasn't still having issues, it just meant I felt a little lighter, a little freer.

Jasper visited each day, just as I knew he would, but I wasn't allowed to see him again because Charles and I were working on my Rage Exercises and Endorphin Therapy so hard that I barely processed the days passing, but for Doctor Cullen delivering my messages and returning to tell me that Jasper had been by.

So when Friday arrived and Charles took me for a fifteen mile hike, I expected I wouldn't be going home any time soon. We hiked up to the bluffs overlooking the Bay and I plopped down on a grassy knoll, the suck-tube of my camelback stuck in my mouth and sweat pouring down my face and neck.

"So… you remember now why you need to keep up with the Endorphin and Light Therapies?" Charles sighed, sitting next to me. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and continued sucking down water. "You're so energetic and determined this week… I know not all of that is pounding on the bag."

"Next thing you'll say is I just need to stop bottling it all up because I shouldn't have to use Rage Exercises."

"Don't be a smartass. Just because you _know_ what I'm gonna say doesn't mean you get to be all smart about it." He chided. "The fact of the matter is, you've got the power and the tools to be healthy, but no one's gonna work the steps for you… and you know that."

I nodded. "So basically, we're in the Self Help section and you're telling me _Heal Thyself_ is the best damn book."

He snorted. "Fuck! I always found I got better when I got _out_ of the Self Help section. I'm saying live in reality. Reality right now is you and Jasper. Reality is that you're estranged from Emmett."

"Reality is the darkroom where I develop my negatives." Without warning, Charles reached over and smacked me upside the head. "Ow! What the hell was that for?" I yelled, smacking his shoulder before he could dodge.

"Quit being a little whiny fucking depressive. You're better than that! Most people who end up admitted don't get a say in their fucking treatment regimen, but we haven't even medicated you!" he shoved my shoulder lightly before standing up again. "Come on. Get your ass up. We've rested enough."

By three in the afternoon, I really had resigned myself to not going home, but Doctor Cullen smiled as Charles and I walked in the back door and said, "You should pack. Jasper's been waiting for you for an hour already."

I didn't need to be told twice. I flew to my room on the ward and packed my things, completely ignoring my roommate who liked to talk about death like it was the most precious thing in the world. She was a real downer… I had a feeling they put me with her in an attempt to pull me out of the fog.

In no time at all, I was back to the front desk and bouncing on the balls of my feet as Doctor Cullen signed my discharge papers and then he was escorting me out to the waiting room.

Jasper was smiling and leaning against the reception desk. He opened his arms and I practically flew into them, hugging him as fiercely as he hugged me.

"I've missed you so much." He murmured into my hair. "I haven't seen you smile in so long." He sighed and released me and I turned so we could get instructions from Doctor Cullen.

"Sage," he began. "Rage—"

"Rage Exercises every day, whether I feel I need them or not."

He nodded, still smiling. "Jasper?"

"Got a bag all set up in the office. She'll have her very own Rage Room." He answered, dropping a kiss on the top of my head.

"Photo Therapy and Endorphin Therapy every day."

"Every day." I echoed.

"Rain or shine."

"Yes, Sir."

"Healthy food." He pressed. "No junk." He gave Jasper a pointed look. "Don't share the Oreos with her. She snitches them two at a time when you're not looking."

Jasper's arm tightened around my waist. "I _knew_ I wasn't going crazy when you said you hadn't touched them. Thief." He whispered and I giggled.

"Yes, Sir." I said again, acknowledging the No Junk Food rule.

"Single Therapy on Monday and Wednesday, Group on Tuesdays, and sessions with Charles on Fridays."

"Got it."

"You've got—"

"Your pager number, Charles' cell number, and the Emergency pager number. Yup."

He smiled again. "Jasper, she's all yours."

"Damn straight." He sighed, wrapping an arm around me and leading me out to the parking lot.

I was immediately hesitant because I didn't see Jasper's truck anywhere, but there was a red M3 right in front of us.

As if on cue, the driver's side door opened and Rosalie stepped out. Before I could stop him, Jasper had taken my bag and handed it to Rose.

"Jas, are you—"

"You're not going home with Rose, so don't even think it." He cut me off, kissing my lips quickly. "She's taking your bag back to the apartment."

"But… why?" I asked, eying her carefully. Rose gave me an encouraging smile, but said nothing.

"Because you and I don't have room for your bag." He answered, turning me slightly so that I noticed the black and red Honda CBR-600 next to Rose's car. "We're going for a ride."

I gaped at him for a moment before finally grinning and screaming, "Seriously?" he nodded and I flung myself into his arms again. "You've never taken me out on the bike before!"

"Well, it needed work… but now it's been done and I knew you'd want to." We followed Rose to the M3 and she opened the trunk and placed my bag in it while Jasper pulled out a red leather motorcycle jacket and handed it to me, followed by a red, black, and white Scorpion helmet. "No complaining about helmet hair. Helmet's non-negotiable."

"Not complaining." I answered, standing on my toes to kiss him long and slow.

Once we'd gotten our jackets and helmets on, Jasper nodded to Rose before climbing on and kicking the bike to life. He helped me climb on behind him and waited until I was situated and comfortable with my feet on the foot pegs, my arms wrapped securely around his waist.

Reaching around, he patted my thigh twice, ran his hand down to my knee, and squeezed, before putting it back on the throttle and taking off.

Even with the leather and helmet covering me, I could feel the wind whipping around me and held on tightly as Jasper steered us toward the Bay while Rosalie headed toward our apartment. It was exhilarating to be out and experiencing something that to most, would be mundane and possibly even banal. To me, this was something new to help me reconnect with Jasper after nearly two months of nothing but disconnect.

A half-hour later, Jasper pulled up as close to the bluffs as he could get us and killed the engine. He helped me off and I immediately yanked the helmet off my head and braced myself on his shoulder as the vibrations drained out of my legs.

"That was awesome!" I whispered once he'd removed his helmet. "We need to do that more often."

He grinned at me. "Anytime you want… except in the rain." I giggled and hugged him. "So… how are we feeling?"

"_We_ or _me_?" I asked, kissing his temple. He shrugged and I mimicked him. "I feel a lot better… they got me back on track. I can run fifteen miles in an hour flat now. Charles is a slave driver." Jasper shook his head and I gave him a sad smile. "I'm sorry I got stuck… and that I took it out on you."

He shook his head and pulled me to him, kissing me softly. "Don't ever apologize for needing help. You worked the program and you're back on track… now we just need to keep you on track."

I nodded. "Did you really buy me a boxing bag?"

"Yeah. I figured you could use it and Doctor Cullen and Charles both thought it was a good idea. I bought you a better sunlamp… it's more portable than the other one, so if you're in the office or in bed or wherever, you can take it with you… Oh…" he grimaced. "And… I _kind of_ painted our room."

_Fuck…_

"Kind of?" I asked suspiciously. "_Kind of_ like Peter's kind of smart? Or _kind of_ like Rose's boobs are kind of real?" he pulled a face and I sighed. "What _color_ did you paint the walls, Jasper?"

"White."

I blinked.

_Say huh?_

The walls had been a creamy eggshell color when we moved in. I hadn't gotten around to gutting the room for obvious reasons, but I hadn't thought Jasper would paint without me… and it made so very little sense to paint the walls _white_.

"OK…" I replied after a moment. "_Why_ did you paint the walls white?"

And then he gave me his shit-eating grin and I wanted to smack him. "Because you _really_ hate white walls and I thought it would be incentive to get you into a gutting project."

"You're such an ass!" I cried, laughing. "You had me really scared you'd painted them puce or some other shitty color."

"What the hell is puce?"

"Don't ask." I snickered. "But thank you. I could use a project." I kissed him again and then sighed. "So… what's up with Rosalie?"

Jasper rolled his eyes. "She's called off the engagement until your brother—"

"Emmett. I need to hear his name, even if I don't want to, so just say it."

He nodded. "She's called off the engagement until _Emmett_ makes things right with you." I rolled my eyes. "She chose us over him for once, Sage. She wants us all to be a family. She wants the baby to know us… it's not much, but it's a start, don't you think?" I gave a stiff nod. "She's been really good these past couple weeks… came over and helped me rearrange furniture when I was climbing the walls… cooked dinner for me a few times… listened when I needed her to…"

"She has a key to the apartment?"

"No, she has your keys so that she can leave your bag inside the door. She'll lock the knob and head home and leave your keys on the hook by the door." He answered, running his fingers through my hair. "You OK? You don't mind Rose, do you?"

"No." I shook my head. "It's just… weird."

"Tell me about it." He sighed. "I missed you… even when you were with me, it was like you were gone. This is the first time I've seen _you_ in a while."

"It feels good to be seen, Jas." I murmured, burying my face in his neck. "And I've missed you too. Take me home."

_**End Note: I'll try to be better, I swear. REVIEW!**_


	51. Bittersweet Symphony

_**A/N: I don't own anything.**_

_**Once again, this story is rated M for adult language, situations, themes, and lemons. **_

_**HammerHips is the Schwoogie-Muffin responsible and I love her. She babysits me and tells me random things that make me write.**_

_**RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 are the pre-readers. They're really cool.**_

_*****I've reached 400 reviews! I'm so very excited! I've never had a story even break 100, so this is just so amazing to me! Thank you to all of my wonderful and dedicated reviewers!**_

Chapter 50: Bittersweet Symphony

_Well, I've never prayed,  
But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah  
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah  
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind , I feel free now  
But the airwaves are clean and there's nobody singing to me now_

-"Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve

_**Sage POV**_

Jasper and I spent the next week painting our bedroom a slate blue trimmed in light gray to match our bedspread, and then we proceeded to gut the kitchen and living room in the same fashion.

Thanks to Jasper taking the initiative with my professors, I'd been able to keep up with my classes without too much trouble.

Harder to keep up with was my Rage Exercises. At first, without Charles antagonizing me, I had a lot of trouble working my anger out, but once he saw I was struggling, Jasper began re-reading all the letters I'd sent him. From them, he picked out incidents he thought I would want to work out and it became our daily routine for Jasper to antagonize me with past events I'd been angry about throughout my life while I pounded away on the bag.

March and April quickly blurred into May and June. Neither of us took summer classes and instead, we spent our free time together. I got a part-time job at the Triple K Ranch helping teach riding classes, so even while we were both working, Jasper and I got to see each other.

It was helpful to have him so close by, especially after we finally got around to discussing everything that happened in Iraq. I was distraught… to say the least… to learn about his experiences. There were a few days where I could barely speak to Jasper because I was so upset at being kept in the dark. I wasn't put off by what he'd witnessed and been through, but I was struggling with the fact that he'd felt he had to deal with it all alone.

We'd moved past it, however, once I was able to communicate my feelings, and things were beginning to look up. Rosalie had given birth to a healthy baby girl on April seventh, and it had taken her and Emmett three days to finally settle on a name: Amelia Mariah Hale-McCarty.

_Gag_.

I tried to understand naming her after our moms… truly, I did! But seriously? My dad told me my mother _hated_ her name… and Jasper maintains Amelia had always wanted to legally change hers. It just seemed kind of cruel to stick the kid with that disaster.

We kept our thoughts to ourselves, however, and Rosalie and Amelia became Wednesday night regulars for dinner while Emmett worked late. We didn't talk about Emmett. Instead, Jasper and I spent time spoiling our niece. We always made sure to have a new outfit or toy for her each week and took lots of pictures. I'd even begun creating a scrapbook to satisfy my creative outlet.

By July, I was happy… not completely healed, but I could actually look back and count myself happy several times over. It was progress. It was wonderful. And I knew it was because I'd finally come to terms with the fact that Jasper was not going to leave me. Everything else had fallen into line after that epiphany.

Mid-July brought a strong heat wave and the realization that I had been so engrossed in my recovery, that while I'd been writing to him, I hadn't been down to Lompoc for five months. When Jasper brought it up, I flipped my lid and we immediately made plans to head down for the coming weekend.

Everything was just as I remembered, but Dad seemed to be aging right before my eyes. His skin had gone chalky and his eyes had lost some of their luster in the intervening months. When he sat down across from me and offered me a cigarette, I declined. Neither Jasper nor I had smoked since the New Year.

"I thought you weren't coming anymore." He sighed as he lit his cigarette.

"I hit a big snag… had some stuff to work out… sort of lost track of everything. I'm sorry."

He smiled and reached up to brush my bangs out of my eyes. "You don't have to apologize, Sage. You have a life. I can't expect you to drop everything to come see me."

"I promised I'd come every month and I haven't."

My dad snorted, actually _snorted_ at me. "Please! Like I don't remember what college was like? What having a job was like? Don't feed me that line. Sometimes things have to take a back burner when other things are more important." The smile he gave me was weak and didn't meet his eyes.

_Fuck._

"Dad? What's wrong?" I asked cautiously.

He sighed and licked his lips before sitting back in his chair and taking a long drag off his cigarette. "I had a physical last month. It turned up a few things."

_And again: FUCK._

"What… what kind of things?"

He licked his lips again, casting his eyes on the ground. "I can't beat around the bush, Sage, I was never good at that." He took a deep breath. "They found cancer."

It felt as if my brain had gone numb. I heard and understood the words, but I wasn't comprehending the actual _meaning_.

"But…"

_There's that fuzzy feeling that indicates brain numbness…_

_ Maybe my brain's dying?_

"But…" I tried again. "It's… still early, right?" Dad didn't say anything and I took my cue from that. "How long?"

He shrugged. "Six months, give or take."

_Six months?_

_ Give or fucking take? _

_ What the fuck does that even _MEAN_?_

"Give or take what?" I choked out as my brain finally snapped into action and tears pricked the corners of my eyes.

"It depends on the cancer… you remember I told you how aggressive Adrenal Cancer is." I nodded dumbly. "Sage, it'll be OK."

I reached out and took a cigarette from his pack and let him light it for me. "How can you say it's going to be OK? You're going to _die_."

"We're all gonna die. I'm just getting moved to the front of the line." I scowled at him. "Sage, we always knew this was a possibility… did you get your scans this year?"

"Yes." I answered quietly. "Jasper wouldn't let me forget."

Dad gave me a small smile. "I don't want you to worry, you know. I put your mom's life insurance in a savings account for you and Emmett… it had a nice interest rate, so there's more there than I put in… it should see you two for a while… but divide it up evenly. Be fair, you know?" I nodded, my eyes dropping to my cigarette as I took another drag. "There's also a Safe Deposit Box I paid up for ten years before my trial started… you won't be able to get the key to it until I… go… it's in with my personal effects… but you and Emmett are the only ones allowed to open the box besides me. It's got stuff like your mom's wedding set, some pearls that were your grandmother's, family photos… Sage, why are you crying, Baby Girl?"

_Fuck. Am I?_

_ Yup._

_ Fuck._

_ Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckety fuck._

I wiped the tears away as quickly as I could, sniffling the entire time. "You just told me you're dying. What do you expect me to do? Dance a jig?" he sighed. "Why would I give a shit about _any_ of this? Why are you telling me this stuff _now_? Shouldn't we be talking about you dying? Or having some meaningful conversation? Not talking about _things_?"

Dad sighed again, chewing his lip in thought. Finally, his eyes flicked to a point over my shoulder and he asked, "You gonna introduce me to your boy?"

_The fuck?_

_ He wants to meet Jasper? NOW?_

And then it dawned on me… I hadn't told him Jasper and I were together. When I'd started visiting him, I'd opened up a PO Box for him to write to so I could be sure Emmett wouldn't simply toss anything with a Lompoc address. When we'd moved out, I'd been so messed up that I hadn't bothered to tell him about Jasper and I being together… or the fight with Emmett… or the estrangement… Fuck… I didn't even tell him he was a grandfather.

_Fuckety fuck fuck fuck_.

But then another thought struck me: He hadn't referred to Jasper as my "boy" since the previous Spring.

"How'd you know?" I murmured.

He gave me a small smile. "I'm your father. It's my job to know." He waved me off. "Go get him. Introduce me. I wasn't kidding on the give or take, Sage… let me meet him in case I don't get to later."

_Well if that don't fuck all…_

I stubbed out the cigarette and stood, motioning to a nearby guard. As I made it to the fence, Jasper stood, threading his fingers through the links as he leaned down to my level.

"My… my dad wants to meet you." I answered his unspoken question and Jasper immediately nodded his head.

The guard opened the gate and Jasper stepped through, wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and guided me back to the table. As I sat, Dad stood and shook Jasper's hand.

"Jasper."

"Sir."

"Good to finally meet you, Son. Call me Randall."

"Nice to meet you too, Sir… Randall."

_Wonderful. _

_ Jasper falls back into old Sir/Ma'am habits when he's nervous._

_ Fucking perfect._

They sat down and Dad appraised him for several minutes before finally saying, "Thanks for taking care of my Baby Girl, Jasper. I appreciate it. And I know you do a damn good job of it because I see it in her face when she talks about you."

_Fuck._

_ Awkward…_

_ Cue blush…_

Jasper simply smiled and dropped his arm so that he could lace our fingers together. "Thank you, Sir."

"I hope you'll keep doing a good job when I'm gone."

Jasper's grip on my hand tightened immediately and he took a sharp breath. "I'm sorry to hear… what's your prognosis?"

Dad smiled again. "Adrenal. Six months, give or take." Jasper nodded solemnly. "As I told Sage though, everyone dies. I'm just getting moved to the head of the line."

"Dad, it wasn't funny the first time and it's not funny the second."

"Sage, let your old man laugh about the irony."

"It's not ironic. It's tragic."

Jasper sighed and brought my hand to his mouth, kissing my knuckles softly. "Sage, your dad is dealing with this the same way you deal with your recovery. With _humor_. Surely that's not lost on you."

_Fuck._

_ I hate it when Jasper's right about shit like this._

But as always, I relaxed at his touch. It wasn't a conscious decision, just something that always was, always would be. It was like the rising of the sun or the shift of the tides. Jasper Whitlock could make me relax. And he knew it and often used it to his advantage.

"Maybe we can get Rose down here with the baby so you can meet Amelia."

I groaned and slammed my head on the table.

"Amelia?"

"I forgot to tell him… I was kinda off in my own little world and forgot to fucking tell him, Jazz."

Instead of berating me, I felt dad pat my head while Jasper's fingers trailed up and down my spine. "Sage, it's OK. I know you didn't mean to." Dad replied. "So who's Amelia?"

I sighed and sat back up, leaning against Jasper as though I somehow needed support. "Emmett and Rose's daughter… she was born in April."

Dad's eyes widened. "I'm a granddaddy?" we nodded. "Wow…" he breathed, his eyes shining with tears. "That's probably the coolest damn feeling in the world right there… aside from becoming a daddy." He winked at me. "I take it she's named for your momma, Jasper."

"For both, actually… Her full name is Amelia Mariah Hale-McCarty." Jasper answered. Dad cringed. "We thought the same thing." He shrugged sheepishly.

"Sage, do me a favor. When you get around to having kids, give 'em decent names… None of this Apple, Suri, Bronx, Mowgli bullshit, please."

I snorted a laugh. "Dad, how the hell do you know those names?"

Dad rolled his eyes. "One of the guys on Death Row has a thing for _E! True Hollywood Story_."

"He must be terrifying." I deadpanned.

"Don't scoff. He killed thirteen people in a mass killing spree."

"When?" I asked, brow furrowing. I hadn't heard anything about something like that in my lifetime.

He grinned sheepishly and shrugged again. "Nineteen-forty-two."

"As I said, he must be _terrifying_."

"Sage…" Jasper warned.

"Don't _Sage_ me. I don't want to sit here and act like I'm happy my dad is _dying_!" I hissed.

Jasper's hand was on my back again, stroking gently from the small of my back up to my neck and back down again. "Sage, remember what Doctor Cullen said. Express your needs."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "What I _need_ is for my dad to not be _dying_."

Jasper dropped a kiss on the top of my head and hugged me to him before murmuring, "I know, Darlin', but this is one of those things we're gonna have to roll with… I know it sucks and I know you're blindsided, but we're gonna have to roll with it."

I sighed, closed my eyes, and ground my teeth together. This was one of those times where it would've been helpful if Doctor Cullen could fit in my back pocket for a quick consult.

"Sage, how about you let us boys talk a minute? You look like you could use a minute to yourself." Dad said, flicking his eyes to the waiting area. The look on my face must've clued him in to my hurt feelings because he gave me a smile and said, "Let me get to know your boy. I don't get to threaten him with a shotgun like a good daddy, so give me this, would ya?"

Instead of simply getting up and leaving, I looked up at Jasper, silently asking him if he was OK with it.

He gave me and encouraging smile and pecked me on the lips. "I love you. Go have a sit and process a bit. I'll be fine."

I gave him a small smile. "I love you too." And then I looked at my father before saying, "Be nice. He's important." With that, I stalked off to the waiting area.

_**Jasper POV**_

"Be nice. He's important."

I couldn't help but smile at that. Even to her dad, who probably wouldn't do anything more than talk with me, she was damn sure gonna make it known that she wasn't giving me up. Funny, considering she'd admitted to me only a few months ago that he'd always referred to me as her "boy", and that he'd never believed her when she'd told him we were simply friends.

He watched her go, watched her walk through the gate and sit in a chair before his eyes finally came back to me. They weren't harsh or even angry, simply concerned as he asked, "Be straight with me. How bad is it?"

I licked my lips while I thought of how to word it best. "She and Emmett aren't speaking… it's taken a toll on her, but she's bringing her head above water again. It's been rough."

He held up a finger slightly, eying Sage over my shoulder to ensure she wasn't watching closely enough to get a bad vibe off our body language. "Why are my children not speaking?"

My eyes hit the Formica table in shame. "Sage and I have been together almost a year now… but Emmett didn't know until New Year's… and we didn't exactly _tell_ him… in so many words." I lifted my eyes slightly, expecting to see some sort of fatherly rage at the fact that I'd just admitted to screwing his daughter.

Instead, he cocked an eyebrow at me. "He walked in on you and Sage having sex." I nodded and his eyebrows lifted a minute as he processed before nodding his head. "Well, that must've been awkward. I take it Em didn't take it so hot."

"Not really, no."

He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. "Well, that's my son. Timing like a broken watch. How'd Sage do? She mouse away from him? She always did when they were kids."

I felt a strange sense of indignity on Sage's behalf. Surely, after nearly two years of her visiting and writing, he knew her better than that?

"Don't get defensive, Jasper. I know how she is when Emmett's not around, but you forget that I also know my son… even with all the years of separation. Bull-headed, stubborn, and he can hold a grudge… so tell me, did Sage mouse away like I remember her doing? Or did she show him that spine she's been growing since she met you?"

I smiled proudly at that. "She told him exactly how she felt… and that she wanted to be with me no matter what."

He grinned a little. "Spine. I knew you were good for her the first time I laid eyes on you."

_Well now seems like a good time…_

"I love her. Very much." I told him honestly.

"I can tell."

I took a deep breath, puffing out my cheeks. "I want to marry her someday… not right now, obviously… we have school and she's been thinking about Columbia's Masters program, but I think she needs to work up the nerve before she begins actively pursuing it…" I trailed off, hoping he'd put me out of my misery and just take what I was saying, but he watched me expectantly. He was going to make me work for it. "I guess… I'm asking for your permission to marry her… when the time is right… because…" I trailed off again and he gave me a devilish smirk.

"Because I won't be around to give it when you really need it." He finished for me.

_Not exactly the way I wanted to say it but…_

"That's one way of putting it, Sir." I finally answered.

He cocked his head, studying me for several minutes before folding his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair. Finally, he said, "Are you honestly expecting me to say no?" I blinked confusedly and he laughed. "Jasper, this is _not_ our first meeting, though if you tell Sage any of what I'm about to tell you, I'll deny it 'til my death and you know that's not far off." He smirked again and I smiled a little. "Your mother and father brought you and Rose up just after Sage was born… she was maybe two months old." He shrugged, but his eyes were far away, lost in a memory and he smiled. "Mariah thought it'd be cute to get a picture of you holding Sage… you were only three, so you were still pretty small… but you held onto her with all your might… supported her head and you were just… talking to her." He sighed and looked at me. "I don't know where half the pictures of you two are, but I know there are five in my Safe Deposit Box… Amelia and Mariah must've been snapping pictures for _hours_ that day. It's was nuts… but when it was all over, before you gave her back to Mariah, you looked into Sage's eyes and said _'I'm gonna marry her'_." He laughed suddenly. "I thought you were the strangest kid right then, but I tell you, now? Seeing the man you've become and the way you care for my daughter? I think you were giving me warning then that she had your heart and that you'd always take care of her. After that, after seeing how you care for her now, how much you love her? How could I possibly say no?"

_Seriously?_

_ Fucking seriously?_

_ Shit._

I had to smile though. Apparently I was a lost cause on Sage long before my fifteen year old brain caught on to the fact that I wanted to know her. My heart had recognized her years later, without being reminded of the incident.

And I was slightly perturbed that my mother had never once told me about it. It was one of those cutesy kid memories you brag about to embarrass the shit out of your kid… but I supposed by the time I would've been old enough to remember her telling me, David had his hooks in her and then she was just a shell of herself anyhow.

When I finally met his eyes again, he was giving me a knowing smile. "Just make her happy. That's all I care about. Make her happy, keep her healthy. She needs a man in her life who can move forward with her, not keep her in the past like Em and me. You be that man for her, Jasper."

Sage rejoined us a few minutes later and we spent the rest of the visiting hour discussing things Sage needed to know about. Randall was adamant they get through it all, just in case he was gone sooner than expected.

We sat through it with my arm around her waist, holding her to me, and her hand on my thigh. Occasionally, she gave a squeeze, though it was far from a turn on. It was her cue to me that she was having a particularly difficult time and I knew her Rage Exercises were going to be hard for the next few weeks.

The silence during the car ride home had my nerves frayed long before we made it back to San Francisco. Every time I tried to coax her into talking, tried to lighten the mood, tried _anything_, I was immediately shut down by the silence.

By the time we walked in the front door, I was prepared to drop her back at the clinic at the first hint of trouble. She surprised me, however. Instead of going upstairs to either shower or crawl into bed, she walked into the office. I waited for something to crash or break… but nothing happened.

And then, quite suddenly, there was a harsh scream and a thud.

_The fuck?_

I stepped into the office and quickly bit back the laughter threatening to erupt from me. Sage was wrapped around the boxing bag, at least four feet off the floor. Her arms were latched over the top, her legs wrapped around it like she'd wrap them around my hips, and the bag was swinging slightly from the force of impact.

"Sweetheart?" I asked tentatively.

"That didn't go like I thought it would." She told me disappointedly.

"How did you think it would?"

She sighed and wiggled her hips, trying to ease herself closer to the floor. "I thought I'd bounce off it… or something… I don't know. I don't think I was thinking right, Jazz."

I smiled. "No, it doesn't appear you were… do you feel better?"

"Not so much." She mumbled sadly. "Help me down?"

"Of course." I answered, stepping over to her and peeling her off the bag. Instead of setting her on her feet, I cradled her carefully and carried her out to the couch.

"What are we doing?" she asked suspiciously.

"We're sitting. We're processing." I replied quietly as I sat down, keeping her in my lap. "It's been a rough day. I think maybe you're not processing completely."

"I think maybe you're right." She mumbled into my shoulder. "I'm gonna be an orphan all over again."

I shook my head. "No, Sweetie. No." she buried her face in my neck and I began stroking her back. "No. You won't be an orphan… your parents will just be—"

"Dead." She interjected. "Buried. In the ground. Taking a dirt nap. Pushing daisies."

"There's no need to be crude."

"Like you wouldn't have said the same thing if it were anyone else but one of our parents or siblings."

_Fuck._

That was actually kind of true and she knew I couldn't argue with it, but she wasn't interested in arguing and neither was I. Instead, she was shifting in my lap until she was straddling my thighs, her hands resting on my chest.

"I love you." She told me firmly.

"I love you too." I replied, slightly confused. I felt my brow furrow as I watched, waiting for her to clue me in on what was going on in her head.

Her face crumpled a little and she asked, "So why does it hurt so much?" as she pounded her chest with her fist and I quickly swiped away the tears streaking down her cheeks. "Make it stop."

"Darlin', I know and I'm so sorry." I pulled her to me and kissed her forehead as she sobbed into my neck. "God, if I could, I'd take every ounce of pain for you." I hated how helpless I felt. I wanted to make it all go away. I wanted to make her dad healthy for her. I wanted to be able to ask his permission properly when the time came. I wanted him to be able to give her away to me and see our children and tell them stories about when Sage was little. I wanted him to be able to someday tell her the story he'd told me… tell our children that story.

_Fuck…_

_ How do I fix this?_

_ I have to fix this, right?_

My breath caught in my throat a moment later as Sage's lips pressed against my neck, the tip of her tongue barely pressing against my skin. All thought seemed to leave my head for a minute as I felt her press against me, but then I was shaking my head like a fucking tool.

"No. No, Sage. You're upset and it's been a really bad day and I think we should—" she cut me off as her mouth found mine, her tongue immediately stroking my lips in silent request. I tried to pull away so I could think clearly, but she released my lips and cupped my hardening length.

"Jazz, right now, I need to feel something _other_ than the pain. I'm not deflecting, I'm leaving it and I'll go back to it… but right now, I need this." She panted, giving me a light squeeze to emphasize her point.

_Fuck me sideways… and upside-down… and backwards cowgirl…_

_ Fuck._

She wasn't actually waiting for my response, like I thought she was. I was just too dumbstruck to realize she'd been yanking the hem of my T-shirt up to expose my belt. Before I knew what was happening, my belt was clattering to the floor and she was undoing the button and zipper. Her hand slid into my boxers, stroking me gently as her lips found mine again and I moaned at the contact.

"Jas, I need you." She whispered against my lips. "Please."

_Fuck._

_ She's begging._

I hated making her beg for anything, least of all for intimacy.

That thought, and the hope that perhaps she really did need to just forget for a little while were the only justifications I could come up with, but I made love to my girl all night and helped her forget.

_**End Note: Yay! I actually got review replies out, even though I'm still technically working with one arm thanks to my wonderful pinched shoulder.**_

_**So, I really want to know what you guys think. Was it all that you were expecting? Were you expecting it at all? Let me know. I love reviews. Teasers for reviewers!**_


	52. The Gambler

_**A/N: I don't own it, I'm just fucking with it.**_

_**As always, this story is rated M for adult situations, themes, language, and lemons.**_

_**HammerHips is the Schwoogie-Muffin responsible.**_

_**RemyKilday and Siobhan2006 are the pre-readers.**_

Chapter 51: The Gambler

_Every gambler knows  
That the secret to survivin'  
Is knowin' what to throw away  
And knowin' what to keep  
'Cause every hand's a winner  
And every hand's a loser  
And the best that you can hope for  
Is to die in your sleep_

-"The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers

_**Jasper POV**_

Over the next several days, Sage worked her Rage Exercises almost non-stop. She set up extra sessions with both Charles and Doctor Cullen. While Doctor Cullen performed as expected and kept her talking and digging into herself, Charles surprised me. I expected him to have her pounding on the bag, antagonizing her the entire way.

Instead, they went for hikes and talked; the sparred and he began teaching her Kickboxing as another outlet for her emotions. She was always bruised and sore and her hands were beginning to look like ground beef, but she was always exhilarated, lighter, when I picked her up from the Clinic.

The following Friday, while Sage attempted to kick and punch the crap out of Charles, I headed over to see Rosalie and Amelia.

"You're so good with her, Jasper." Rose beamed at me as Amelia grabbed my index finger and I kissed her tiny hand. "You'll make a good dad."

I grinned. "Yeah, one of these days." I sighed. "Not too soon."

"Not interested in jumping in head-first?" she smirked.

I shook my head. "Nah… No offense, but I wanna do things right with Sage… marriage… maybe a year or two and then start makin' mini-Jaspers and mini-Sages." My cheeks flamed and I locked my eyes on Amelia's toothless smile. "We went to see Randall last weekend."

"That's not new. You guys have been going down to Lompoc for two years."

"I… I told him I wanna marry Sage… asked for his permission." I moved my eyes to watch Rose's expression, which remain impassive.

"Are you planning on proposing soon?"

"No." I laughed, but then my smile faded. "He's dying, Rose. Cancer." She blanched. "I… I wanted to ask him before he passed."

"What did he say?" she whispered.

I shrugged. "Yes." And then I frowned. "Rose, do you remember Mom and my Dad taking us to meet them when we were little?" her head tilted to the side in question. "I was three… you'd have been five… Sage was around two months old."

She shook her head, brow furrowing. "No… Mom never mentioned anything about it. That's surprising. Why wouldn't she have mentioned it when they came to Galveston?"

I shrugged. "I dunno." I gave her a goofy grin. "Randall told me we visited them in San Francisco… and Mom and Mariah wanted to get pictures of me holding Sage… and I guess I told them right then that I was gonna marry her."

Rosalie laughed out loud. "Seriously?" I nodded. "Wow… Somehow, I'm actually not surprised by that." And then her smile faded. "Are you going to tell Emmett about Randall?"

"What about Randall?"

I rolled my eyes. Emmett really had a knack for being a creeper. It was annoying.

He stepped into the living room and kissed the top of Rose's head before nodding at me, seeming to forget his original question. "How's Sage?"

I jerked my chin up in defiance. "She's _fine_." He gave me a look that clearly told me he knew I was lying. "Your dad's dying… Adrenal Cancer." Emmett nodded, but didn't say anything. "That's it?"

"What else is there?"

I took a deep breath and handed Amelia back to Rosalie. "Rose, please excuse us. I don't think my niece needs to hear this."

Rosalie cast a fleeting look between Emmett and I and then disappeared upstairs with the baby.

"I just told you your father is _dying_ and that's all you've got? Christ, Emmett! I know the man may not ever win Father of the Year, but fuck man! He's your _father_!"

"He was a sperm donor." He replied acidly.

Resisting the urge to hit him, I settled for standing up and pacing. "Your sister is in _pain_. Does _that_ matter to you at all?"

"Of course it does!" he cried. "Jesus, Jasper! Why the hell do you think I keep asking you how she's doing? You think I _like_ having to rely on you for anything?"

"Oh yes, because I'm such a fucking bastard, aren't I?" I shot back. "I was the kid who took care of her for a week, got to know her… probably learned more about her in seven days than you'd known in twelve years with her… I was that same messed up kid, taking care of her emotional well-being, coaching her through panic attacks and bullies and her shyness through _letters_ from two thousand miles away! That same bastard who took her to Prom after you scared off every other guy, who would've done _anything_ to keep Maria and Royce from laying hands on her, who's been in love with her since before I even knew what that was! I'm a real fucking bastard, it's such a _pity_ you have to rely on _me_ to find out how your sister is doing because you're too much of a self-righteous _asshole_ to cave and go give her a call to ask her yourself!"

Emmett balled up his fists, but remained where he was. "You done?"

"No!" I yelled. "Fuck!" I threw my hands up in the hair. "No, you know what? I'm not fucking done! I'm angry! Why the hell couldn't you just let us be happy? Why'd you have to run her off? She fucking _needs_ you and instead, she's learning Kickboxing from a guy three times her size because she can't fucking deal with her emotions, especially where you're concerned! Why couldn't you just fucking give a damn?"

"I've _always_ given a damn!" he roared. "I've _always_ taken care of her! I was all she needed! She used to run to me with all her problems. She'd ask me to read to her before bed and she'd come to me for help reaching things that were too high for her to reach! Then you stepped in and all of a sudden _I_ wasn't good enough! I was the Poor-Man's Jasper!"

"That wasn't my doing, Emmett! Maybe if you'd paid her some Goddamn attention, she wouldn't have continually run to me!" I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and counting to ten in an attempt to calm myself. When I spoke again, my voice sounded much calmer, though I didn't feel any of it. "Sage and I have been putting each other back together for years. I love her and I will continue to take care of her, but if you can't get past the fact that your dad lost his way? If you can't get past the fact that your sister fell in love and wants to be with me? Then you've already lost her and you didn't deserve her to begin with." I sighed and threw a hand up to rub my forehead. "I'm done, Emmett. I'm so fucking done with you. You wanna know how Sage is doing from here on out, you call her."

"I'll just call the Clinic."

"They won't talk to you. _I'm_ her Medical Proxy now and they won't violate HIPAA for you… so just… figure it the fuck out or get the fuck out. Put up or shut up. I'm done. I got a girl to get home to." And with that, I left.

I shouldn't have fought with him… for many reasons. Prominent among them were the facts that Emmett wasn't worth my time and the fact that it made me over a half-hour late picking Sage up.

When I pulled up in front of the Clinic, she was frowning, looking concerned. She climbed in and I immediately apologized.

"Jazz, I don't care that you're late… It just would've been nice if you could've called or something." She shrugged and buckled herself in. "I called. I was worried."

My hand flew to my pocket. Empty. I patted all my pockets and they were all empty. Thinking back, I remembered that I'd put my phone in my right pocket with my wallet before we left the apartment. I'd had it when I dropped her off, because I'd checked the time to make sure we weren't late… and then I'd put it on Rose and Emmett's coffee table after letting Amelia play with it for a few minutes.

I groaned and let my head fall back against the seat. "It's at Emmett and Rose's." I sighed.

"Oh." She shrugged. "Let's go get it."

I cocked an eyebrow at that. "You sure?"

"I'm not going in or anything. I'd prefer to see Amelia on my own terms." She shifted uncomfortably. "Was Emmett there?" her voice sounded so small.

"Uh… no. I didn't see him." I lied spectacularly for the first time in my life, because I couldn't bear to hurt her.

Sage didn't need to hear about Emmett and I going head-to-head over anything, let alone over her… and I certainly didn't want her to know that I'd gone behind her back and told Emmett she was having issues.

When the time was right, I knew she'd appreciate the fact that he cared, but for now, she wouldn't be OK with it. She'd be hurt that he hadn't asked her directly. She was already hurting that he didn't call.

Once, about a week after we'd moved out, she'd tried to call him. He'd let it go to voicemail and she'd cried for hours. We didn't need to go back there. I would do anything to protect her from that heartache…

We pulled up in front of the townhouse a half-hour later and I gave Sage a quick kiss before getting out and running up to the door. Rose let me in immediately and I said, "I'm not staying. I just need my—" she held up my iPhone. "Phone."

"Jasper," she murmured quietly. "I'm sorry…"

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes. "It's not you who should be apologizing, Rosie."

"I know." She replied. I shoved my phone in my pocket and glanced toward the stairs. "He went for a walk. I'll be by on Wednesday with Amelia."

I nodded, kissed her cheek, and headed back outside, stopping dead when I caught sight of Emmett at the bottom of the stairs, eyes locked on Sage. She was staring back at him, her frame rigid, but her face a blank mask.

"Leave her alone." I muttered as I brushed past him. "You upset her and I'll break your face."

"She wouldn't have been admitted if you were actually taking care of her." He shot back, heading up the stairs. "And Jasper?" I froze. "That look in her eyes? That's the look she had when she was first diagnosed. Just FYI."

Grumbling, I climbed into the truck and turned to check on my girl, only to freeze. Her window was open.

_Fuck._

_ Double fuck._

_ Shoot me._

_Please?_

"Sage?"

Her face immediately fell, but she didn't respond, so I sighed and started the truck. I tried to get her to talk to me the rest of the way home, but she wasn't giving and when I pulled into my spot in front of our building, she was off like a shot, throwing her backpack over her shoulder, and hauling ass up the stairs.

I followed like the Dead Man Walking, pausing at the top of the stairs as our front door slammed. For a moment, I debated going for a drive to give her time to calm down, but then I decided that one of Sage's and my biggest problems over the past two years was that we'd danced around what actually needed to be said.

I opened the door and stepped inside. Sage was nowhere to be seen, but I heard rustling from the bedroom. I trudged up the stairs and reached out for the doorknob, only for the door to be whipped open and a blanket and pillow tossed out before the door slammed again.

I heard the light switch flick off and waited, hoping she'd reconsider and open the door. I knew better than to invade her space. If she was angry enough to kick me out of bed, to not speak to me, it was bad.

Twenty minutes later, she hadn't returned, and so I resignedly made my way back downstairs and made up my bed on the couch. It was only eight, but I laid down and attempted to sleep. I kept glancing at the clock, hoping Sage would come down and get me, but by midnight, it hadn't happened.

Somewhere between then and two, I fell into a restless sleep.

A hard pounding sound and soft grunting woke me up around eight and I rolled off the couch, glancing up to the loft. The bedroom door was open and my eyes then fell to the closed office door.

_Fuck._

_ Wonder if she's got a picture of my face taped to the bag…_

I pandered for several minutes, wondering if I should try to talk to her again. It didn't feel right… being scared to talk to Sage, but the worse fear was how angry she was with me. Sage had _never_ been this angry with me. Not when I was tripping her up with Michael, not when she found out I hadn't told her about the IED, not when she found out I hadn't told her about our first kiss…

But I had to try, right?

She was My Girl.

My Sage.

My everything…

_Fuck._

I took the ten steps to the office door and knocked. The hitting didn't let up and neither did the grunting. "Sage?" I asked quietly. No answer. "Please?"

There was a sigh and I heard the chain creak as she slowed the bag. A moment later and the door swung open, but she wasn't there to greet me; she was already back wailing on the bag.

_At least there's no picture of me…_

"I know you're angry."

"Fucking right I'm angry." She grunted, not bothering to look at me. "If I didn't fucking love you, I'd consider a third tally mark right about now."

_Well, at least she still loves me…_

"I did it for the right reasons." I whispered.

At that, her lips curled over her teeth and she slammed her fist into the bag. "You fucking went behind my back to Emmett, telling him you had me admitted! Telling him stuff he had no right to know about!" she rounded on me. "What happened to _us_ being in this _together_? You want some sick form of ménage à trois?" she punctuated the question by landing a roundhouse kick to the bag.

"I didn't mean for him to find out!" I cried before I could stop myself. "I went to see Rose after I saw you doing your RE… I was upset, I needed someone to talk to."

"Get a fucking Therapist, Jasper." She grunted, resuming her exercises.

"Hey!" I barked. I hadn't meant to lose my temper, but she was out of line. "Emmett walked in while I was confiding in Rose. He knew something was up, and whether you like it or not, he's still your fucking family and I felt he had a right to know! I'm not saying it's fucking ideal or that I was right for doing it, but I did it and it's done! He was concerned and I knew in the long run, you would need to know that he was and that he cared." I softened and lowered my voice. "I did what I thought was right, Darlin'. I'm sorry I didn't tell you… I'm sorry that I let him make you feel like you had to be on the defensive. I'm sorry you're fragile and that you feel weak, but you're not, and I know that, and I thought maybe, if I kept him in the loop, he'd see it too." My voice broke at the end. "I'm so fucking sorry."

She finally stopped her assault, grabbing the top of the bag and leaning forward so that her body was bowed forward and the bag stuck out at an odd angle. She was panting, sweating, chest heaving, but she seemed to have run out of steam.

Her eyes slid closed and her tongue darted out, wetting her lips. "I'm sorry." She whispered. "He should come to me if he's interested. If he actually cared, he would."

"I told him that yesterday." I whispered. "Sage, I'm sorry." My voice broke again. She nodded, but didn't look at me. "Please, Sweetheart?"

She sighed and released the bag, turning slowly. "I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things."

I shook my head and grabbed her hand, pulling her to me. "You were angry… I kinda deserved it. I never should've told him, but I made it worse by not telling you. I'm sorry."

"Please don't do it again." She whispered.

"I won't."

_**Sage POV**_

We didn't discuss Emmett again. I worked my recovery and Jasper helped. He stayed away from their house, but Rose continued to visit on Wednesdays with Amelia. She didn't mention Emmett either.

I spent a lot of our Wednesday night dinners playing with Amelia, entertaining her with songs and dancing her around the apartment while Rose enjoyed the break and Jasper simply grinned at me. A few times, he brought out his guitar and provided music to my singing.

"You look good with a baby on your hip." Jasper murmured into my hair one night as we lay together. "Really good. I was kinda turned on."

I snorted. "Don't go getting any ideas, Jas. I'm way too young to be chasing around a mini-Jasper."

"What about a mini-Sage?"

"You're too young to have gray hair."

"Mmm… very true." He chuckled. "I wasn't getting ideas, Sweetie… Just looking forward to the future."

That was a new development with us. Up until our fight about Jasper talking to Emmett about me, we'd never once mentioned the conversation about babies. Now, it seemed to be a frequent topic, especially on Wednesday nights after Rose and Amelia left.

Jasper always wanted to talk about the future now… things like me going to Columbia for the Master's Program, whether our kids would end up with blue eyes like Emmett and Rose or green, like ours… genetics was such a coin toss.

I didn't mind the conversations. At first, they made me uncomfortable, until I realized he just didn't want to avoid topics anymore. I'd nearly keeled over one day when he asked me if I wanted to stay in California, or move elsewhere, like Texas or Florida. Even though I'd been mulling over the possibility of Columbia, neither of us wanted to permanently settle some place with such horrible weather for half the year… but for a two year Masters Program? I'd suffer.

We spent our one-year anniversary in Napa with Peter and Charlotte. We'd been so absorbed in horseback riding, hiking, swimming, and playing poker, that it wasn't until we were fifteen minutes from home that I pulled my phone out to check for messages and noticed I had no service.

Emmett, in all his assholish-ness, had taken it upon himself to remove my phone from his cellular plan. I had always paid my portion of the bill, lately handing Rose a check the Wednesday before the bill was due, but this was a new low for Emmett. It seemed the final straw had broken. He'd completely cut me off.

I was numb to it… for a while.

By the time Jasper had called the cell company to move my phone and number onto his plan, my fingers were itching and as soon as I had service again, I called and scheduled an extra session with Doctor Cullen.

Fall Semester ramped up the following week and between classes, working part-time at the Triple K, editing papers, and Therapy, I wasn't sure how in the hell I still managed to find time to spend with Jasper. We were each taking two extra courses and intended to do the same for the Spring Semester in a bid to graduate early, so most nights were spent at our desks in the office.

During the second weekend in October, we returned to Napa. I was actually quite relieved and found my fondness for the ranch had returned since James had been locked up and Alice had been transferred to a sanitarium closer to her parents in Biloxi.

Jasper had invested in some kicking pads and punching mitts, so even though we were away from home, I could still do my Rage Exercises and practice my kickboxing.

On Saturday morning, Peter emerged from the house with a mug of coffee and sat down on the swing next to Char as I punched and kicked at Jasper in the front yard. He grunted as I nailed him particularly hard with a roundhouse and his knees buckled a little, but he kept the large red pad up at chest height.

"You're such a fuckin' pussy, Jasper! That didn't hurt!" Peter catcalled.

"Fuck you, Asshat! My girl's got skills." He grunted back as I landed a vertical kick and accidentally nailed his shoulder, sending him stumbling to the side.

"Sorry! Sorry!" I gasped, covering my mouth with my wrapped hands.

Jasper simply grinned. "Don't stop, that was a really good one."

"P-p-p-PUSSY!"

"Fuck you, Peter!" I called back, executing a stretch kick and sending Jasper stumbling backward.

"He's fuckin' twice your size and a buck-seventy to boot, Parsley! How the fuck can I not make fun of him for stumblin' around like a pansy-ass bitch?"

I dropped my hands from the standard boxer's block and huffed. "You think you can do better?"

His chin jerked up in defiance. "Damn fuckin' straight."

I shot Char a look and she nodded excitedly. "How about a bet?" I challenged.

Peter's eyebrow shot up as he appraised me. "Name the terms."

I walked to the steps and leaned against the rail, looking up at him with my best impression of sweet and innocent. "There are two Halloween parties Char and I want to go to… The one, you can wear whatever you want… but if I win, for the party at Pure, you have to wear whatever Char and I pick for you… _WHATEVER_ we pick."

He smirked at that. "Alright. And _when_ I win, you're gonna walk around _both_ parties and attempt to grope as many boobs as possible."

I snorted and Jasper inched closer. "Sage, you don't have to do this." He murmured.

"Don't you think I can win?" I asked, hurt by his seeming lack of faith.

"Darlin', I've got nothin' but confidence in you, but Peter used to box Golden Gloves and he won't go easy on you."

"I don't have to. I just wanna prove you're a pansy assed bitch and I _never_ hit a lady… She can swing and kick at me all she damn well pleases, but she ain't never gonna land a hit on me." It wasn't lost on me that Peter was obviously offended at Jasper's assumption that he'd actually try to strike me.

Jasper had told me once that Peter had confided he used to be a very anxious talker, and would often gesture wildly and talk with his hands… until the day he and Charlotte had their first argument. He'd made some gesture and Char had immediately hit the floor and covered her head, afraid that he would hit her the way Alistair had.

Peter never talked with his hands anymore and his movements were always calculated.

I grinned at Peter. "Saddle up."

"I don't need the pads." He told Jasper confidently as he stepped down off the porch, waving away the red shield Jasper offered.

We squared off in the middle of the yard, Peter maintaining a boxer's block, though I knew he wouldn't punch out at me. I started off easy and gave him a few thrust kicks. Peter hadn't seen me work out… he didn't realize what I had in my arsenal… and when he blocked me and forced my leg off to the side, I immediately spun into a reverse roundhouse, which he deflected with the other arm before bringing his hands back up to a boxer's block.

This time, I punched out at him with my right hand and he did exactly as I expected and grabbed my wrist, twirling me in some weird perversion of a dance. I brought my right elbow up and he forced my arm down again, my back to his chest, but then I brought my left leg around and hooked it around the back of his knee and jerked it forward. As he lost his balance, I yanked my arm free, spun and performed a crescent kick, nailing him in his right side and forcing him sideways.

As he made to right himself, I decided to throw in a little of the Jiu-Jitsu Jasper had taught me ages ago and caught his left wrist before he could bring it back up to guard his face, jerked it sideways and twisted, forcing his body to follow the awkward rotation until he was genuflecting in front of me.

"Point!" Charlotte cried, clapping excitedly.

"Whatcha think, Petey? Am I good enough for Golden Gloves?" I asked, not yet releasing him from the control hold.

He grunted and craned his neck around to look at me. "You got me."

"Damn fuckin' straight." I echoed his earlier sentiment, releasing him. "Good game, Petey. Let me know when you want to go again." I patted his head and skipped off to the porch, leaping into Jasper's arms and wrapping my legs around his waist as he lifted me up. "He didn't let me win, did he?" I murmured quietly as I claimed a victory kiss.

"Are you kidding me? You humiliated him." He growled, pressing his very prominent erection into me. "That was really hot."

"Really?" I teased, biting my lip. "How hot?"

"No way, Kiddies." Peter crowed. "Not until I find out what the fuck I have to wear to the club on Halloween."

Charlotte and I giggled and I clung to Jasper tighter as I turned a little to watch Peter approach us, seething. "Don't worry, Petey… We'll make sure it's really sexy."

"Oh yeah!" Char agreed. "Get all the ladies' attention!"

He grumbled at that and kicked the dirt. "I'm in for some shit, aren't I?"

Jasper shrugged, pulling me tighter to his chest and giving my ass a firm squeeze as he adjusted his hold. "You're the one who thought you could take her… Darlin', we need to get some ice on your knuckles. You're bleeding." I hadn't even noticed, but he was right. Sticky red blood was oozing from under my fist wraps.

"OK…" I sighed.

The rest of the day was spent with Char, huddled around the laptop brainstorming costume ideas for Peter while he and Jasper worked in the barn. By the time night fell, we had made our decision, but refused to tell Peter anything.

"What about me? You're not dressing me, are you?" Jasper asked as we prepared for bed that night.

I smirked. "Well… we sort of have a _theme_ going…"

He groaned. "I'm not gonna like this, am I?"

"You'll like yours better than Peter likes his." I shrugged, smiling around my toothbrush.

_**End Note: So, any guesses as to what sort of hell Sage and Char are going to put Peter through? Cookies to anyone who guesses correctly.**_

_**Since Siobhan2006 asked in her last review, I decided to let everyone know that yes, I have many other stories in the works. Specifically, a Domsper (a BDSM love story entitled "The Ultimate Trust"—not yet posted), a Daddysper (still outlining), a Bossper (still working out the details), a Geeksper (outlining), a Psych-sper (workin' on it), and a Druggie-sper (still in the initial stages). None are posted yet. All have the non-canon pairing of Jasper/Bella. If you really like "Control" and you'd like to see more of my stories, I suggest putting me on Author Alert so you'll be aware when I begin posting something new. As it stands, Domsper will probably be the first to go up… he's kinda demanding that way.**_

_**Leave me some love!**_


	53. Beautiful For Me

_**A/N: The Twilight Universe and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own Sage and the plot.**_

_**No pre-readers this go-round because I fucking suck and my shoulder's so screwed up my doctor is laying the groundwork for many, many long and stressful tests.**_

_**HammerHips is my Schwoogie-Muffin. Plain and simple.**_

Chapter 52: Beautiful For Me

_Every girl young and old has to face her own reflection  
Twirl around, stare it down  
What's the mirror gonna say  
With some luck, you'll measure up  
But you might not hold a candle to the rest  
"Is that your best?" says the mirror to the mess  
But there's a whisper in the noise  
Can you hear a little voice_

-"Beautiful For Me" by Nichole Nordeman

_**Sage POV**_

"What's with you today?" Charles huffed and puffed as we crested the top of the bluffs. Apparently he was great for a fifteen mile run or a hike, but when you combined the two, he was a bag of hot air.

I pulled the suck tube of my camelback out of my mouth and glanced over my shoulder at him. "What are you talking about?"

He plopped down next to me and shoved his black hair out of his eyes before taking a long pull from his own camelback. "You've got energy to burn… and you seem… lighter? Maybe that's not the right word." He sighed. "I just figured that with all the crap going on with your dad, we'd be wailing on the bag nonstop."

"Do you want me to be wailing on the bag nonstop?" I asked, confused.

Charles shrugged his shoulders and wiped the sweat from his face. "It's up to you. You lead, I follow… You just aren't following your normal pattern and it's thrown me."

I sighed. He was right. It was the last week of October and instead of having more pent-up anxiety and rage than I knew how to deal with, I was somehow lighter.

Jasper and I had taken to going down to Lompoc every other weekend so that I could spend more time with Dad. Jasper joined me in the visitation area so that he could hear the stories Dad told about when Emmett and I were kids, how he met my Mom, how things had gone so terribly wrong.

He'd asked for my forgiveness for all but abandoning me for the alcohol and for messing up so extremely with the drunk-driving and the manslaughter. I told him I'd forgiven him a long time ago, and I had. Strangely, there had never been a question of forgiving him or not, I simply had. He was my father, and what little girl didn't need and love her daddy?

"I guess I moved on to _acceptance_?" I'd meant it as a statement, but the hitch in my voice brought it out like a question and I realized I was seeking Charles' approval on that.

He and I had been systematically working through the Five Stages of Dying, though mostly, they'd been worked out on the bag. I knew that more than anything, he was surprised that I'd wanted to go for a hike today instead of working a Rage Exercise… but today seemed different.

I'd woken up with Jasper's arms around me and couldn't for the life of me find one thing wrong with the day. Instead of questioning it, I'd just gone with it. It seemed like the right thing to do.

"When do you go back to Lompoc?" he grunted, pulling a granola bar out of his pack and biting into it.

"Not this weekend, but next. We've got Halloween parties this week… Rosalie and Amelia are going with us next week."

"How do you think that'll go?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

I shrugged. "Rose's never met him, so it should be interesting. I've got a phone conference with the Warden tomorrow afternoon. I'm hoping he can give us a bit more time and a bit more privacy so that Dad can spend a bit more time with Amelia."

"That's nice of you. And generous. I'm not sure I'd be so generous with my Dad's final months."

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Seriously?" he shrugged and I shook my head. "Amelia is my Dad's only grandchild… the only grandchild he'll ever get to meet… I'm not going to take that away from either of them. When he goes, he'll go knowing that he got to meet her and he'll have all these hopes and dreams for her and he'll be happy with that… and when she's old enough, I'll tell her about how he was and how he felt when he got to meet her. I think she'd like that."

"Of course she will."

"How come we never talk about you?"

Charles looked stunned by the question, but he quickly schooled his features. "What do you wanna know?"

"How'd you get into _this_?" I asked, waving a hand to indicate everything he did.

He shrugged. "I wanted to help people, so I studied Psychology. I volunteered at a mental health clinic for a while, but traditional therapy didn't seem to be my thing… So I started looking at other options. A guy I met in school had just started up a nature retreat for people with issues and I agreed to help him out. I led hikes, helped out with support groups… I guess it just sort of spiraled from there when I learned that sometimes traditional therapy just isn't enough. I mean… look at how you are when you're pounding away on the bag." He sucked in a breath and took a long pull from his camelback. "You're always quiet and reserved… but when you start hitting the bag, I see this fire in you that I think you squelch a lot of the time. You're angry and sad, but you've also got this confidence and a burning desire to live and be healthy. You scream and wail and sometimes you cry and it's not always pretty," I snorted a laugh and he chuckled. "But I see you let loose in a way that I don't think you do in your daily life."

I nodded. "You're right."

"And at home, I'm guessing Jasper gets to see that too, now that you're working the bag at home too."

"Yeah…" I cringed. Jasper had been witness to several tantrums when it came to the bag, but he'd taken it all in stride, encouraging me every step of the way.

"My wife thinks I'm a glutton for punishment, the way I let my patients wail on me and the bag." He chuckled.

"I think I kind of agree with her."

He snorted. "Yeah, well, it doesn't stop her from working out her frustrations with our bag every now and again. Makenna's a special woman. She puts up with a lot of shit. Sometimes she gets shunted to the back of the line when it comes to the patients, but she handles it with grace and understanding."

"She sounds like a good woman. I don't think I could be that understanding."

Charles sighed and shook his head. "Sage, you've been nothing _but_ understanding throughout most of your short life. I think you've earned a bit of selfishness. Don't you?"

"No."

"No?"

"No." I repeated indifferently. "I think it's selfish that I keep Jasper, when I know he deserves more than I give."

He snorted again. "That's bullshit. You've just spent too much time not feeling as though you deserve to be happy. But I know… I _know_ that if Jasper were unhappy, he wouldn't be with you. I think he takes care of you because he knows this is just a blip in the grand scheme of things."

"A _blip_? A _blip_?" I asked, suddenly exasperated.

"A blip." He confirmed.

"Hell of a long blip, don't you think?"

He shrugged. "It's only a blip as long as you make it one. It's your choice. Are you happy? Right now, in this moment, with no complications, no fights with your brother, are you _happy_? Can you look at Jasper and be unhappy?"

I had to think a long time on that. If I was being honest with myself, I'd had some less than stellar days, but none of them were a result of Jasper. In fact, Jasper was what made the days easier, better.

"I am happy." I sighed. And like a ton of bricks, the reality fell on me. "I'm _happy_."

I was shocked, to say the least. I hadn't been able to honestly say that with no reservations in _years_. Times with Jasper were usually happy, but that didn't make my _life_ happy.

Now…

Now, I was, with all honesty, _happy_.

_Talk about a revelation._

_ Epiphany._

_ Paradox._

_ "I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no more hurt, only more love."_

_ Ah, Mother Theresa._

_ So wise…_

Jasper was waiting for us when we returned, smiling benignly as I climbed into the truck and redirected all of the air vents toward me.

"Good day."

"Great day." I enthused. "I realized something today."

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "What's that?"

I grinned and kissed him slowly, smiling as he groaned into my mouth. "I'm happy."

"Big breakthrough." He smirked.

"It is, actually… because I'm not just happy _today_ or in this _moment_, Jazz. I'm actually _happy_… and I can't remember a time before now that I could say that with full conviction."

Jasper pulled onto the highway and headed toward home, suddenly silent. "Even with me?" he whispered.

"I was always happy with you." I answered softly, snuggling against his chest. "Well… _almost_ always. We had a few bumps in the road… but I mean, with my life in general? With how I felt and the shit with Emmett? No, I wasn't happy. Now I'm happy. My past is my past."

"And the future is ours."

I snorted. "How very _High School Graduation Speech_ of you." I chortled.

He chuckled at that and kissed the top of my head. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Good. Tell me what I'm wearing Saturday night."

"No." I giggled. He'd been trying to convince me for _weeks_ to tell him what he'd be wearing to Pure, but I'd refused because he'd easily guess what _my_ costume was and _that_ was a surprise.

I'd decided to let Jasper pick what he'd wear to the party being hosted by a guy from one of my Lit classes and he'd decided that if he had to get "dressed up" for Pure, he was going to half-ass it for the other party and simply wear his fatigues and be a soldier. I hadn't yet told him I'd bought a costume to go with his BDUs. I wanted that to be a bit of a surprise as well. Charlotte was sewing small pieces of fabric onto the shoulders to give me the rank of _Major_. I thought that was hilarious.

By the time Friday night rolled around, I wasn't sure if Jasper was going to be able to wait until Saturday to find out what we were both wearing. He'd rooted through the closets, upended drawers, and even checked under furniture for _any_ sign of what was to come, but Charlotte had our costumes hidden out the vineyard because I was sure that Peter was doing the exact same as Jasper.

Peter and Jasper were both dressed in their BDU's by four in the afternoon and playing Halo while Charlotte and I got dressed. Char had decided to throw a little color into the mix and was dressed as a peacock… which was to say that she had a tight corset bodysuit in peacock blue with a fan of fake peacock feathers attached to her ass.

"How the hell are you gonna sit with that thing?" I asked dumbly.

"Very carefully." She replied, swiping lip gloss over her mouth.

I attempted to pull the short camouflage dress down my legs to cover a bit more skin, but it wasn't working. Charlotte, for all intents and purposes, had picked the outfit after I'd decided I'd dress as a Sexy Soldier. The only item of clothing that was mine were my socks and black combat boots. I'd pulled my hair back into a ponytail and perched the hat on my head, allowing her to pin it to my hair so I wouldn't lose it easily and then she'd opened a few buttons down the front of the dress so that the V became wider and flashed some cleavage.

"Char!" I whined.

"_Sage_!" she mocked. "Let me have this one. You're just a _soldier_ with the top buttons done. Now you're sexy."

"_Now_ I'm flashing my bra." I countered, somewhat embarrassed that the red lace was clearly visible.

"So?" she asked and then, as if she were doing something as normal as brushing her hair, she stuck her hand down the front of my dress and began rearranging my boobs until they were pushed together.

"Personal much?" I cried, laughing.

She shrugged and flipped her long blond hair over her shoulder. "You needed more cleavage. It's not often you find a perfect set of boobs, Sug."

"Right… my B cup to your Double D's, _perfect_."

Charlotte giggled. "I had to pay a lot of money to get these babies. Yours are natural. I'm jealous."

I snorted. The idea of someone as beautiful as Charlotte being jealous of _anything_ of mine was downright laughable.

"Did you get waxed this week?" she asked.

"Uh-huh." I groaned at the memory. I'd been getting waxed since I was a teenager. The first time I'd ever shaved my legs, I looked as though I'd tried to amputate them instead of simply groom them and Bella had passed out from all the blood and ended up with a concussion after smacking her head on the bathroom counter.

"_Everything_?" she pressed.

"Oh my God, yes, Charlotte. I got the vag-beast waxed, if that's what you're wanting to know. _Why_?"

She giggled at that. "Oh nothing… I just overheard Peter asking Jasper if you got a landing strip or some other crazy design."

I cringed at that. A full-wax was enough for me. I wasn't about to let the esthetician try to make some fucking design out of my short hairs.

"I got an eagle." She muttered. "I thought Pete would die laughing, and then I nearly killed him.

I snorted, and the snort turned into a full-blown laugh and I doubled over with the force of it. "Fuck, that's hilarious!" she scowled at me. "Well can you blame him?" and then after a beat, I asked, "Was it a _bald_ eagle?"

At that, Charlotte burst out laughing and it was several minutes before we could continue on with getting our makeup done.

I let Charlotte go downstairs first, anxiously awaiting Peter's reaction. I didn't have to wait long for the _"Holy fuck! Baby, that's HOT!"_ to filter upstairs and I tried to contain my laughter as I hastily made my way downstairs.

Jasper was waiting for me at the bottom, eyes wide as I smirked at his open mouth. "You'll catch flies like that." I teased. His jaw snapped shut and I grinned. "Shouldn't you be saluting, Sergeant?"

He grinned and grabbed my hand, pressing my palm into his very obvious arousal. "I am saluting, Darlin'." He growled, burying his face in my neck and groaning. "Do we have to go tonight? I think I'd rather stay in and follow orders all night."

_Oh… but that does sound appealing…_

"Yes, we have to go tonight." I giggled, kissing his jaw. "But we can always have more fun when we get home…"

"I think I'll hold you to that."

Peter groaned, drawing our attention to him. "I shoulda tried harder to win that bet… It'd be hilarious if you walked around tonight claiming to be the Titty Patrol and groping boobies."

I rolled my eyes and pressed myself to Jasper, smiling as he groaned at the pressure I was putting on his groin. "You missed Char groping mine." Jasper's hips suddenly bucked against me and I had to laugh.

"Yeah, right." Peter grumbled.

"No, seriously. She just stuck her hand in my bra and rearranged my boobs!" I crowed.

"Baby! How could you do that and not let me watch?" he yelled indignantly.

Charlotte rolled her eyes. "Oh get over it. Besides, I don't think Jasper would share anyhow."

Jasper's arms wrapped around me protectively. "Not even with you, Char. Sorry."

_**Jasper POV**_

The party Sage's classmate threw was an all-out bash with a lot of drinking and groping. I actually managed to wrangle Sage into one of the bathrooms for a quickie where I happily explored the red scrap of fabric my girl called _underwear_ before stripping her of it and allowing her to boss me around.

The horny fucker in me really liked Bossy Sage. She knew what she wanted and made no excuses.

By Saturday morning, though, I was slightly hung over and more than a little annoyed at the fact that I still didn't know what I was wearing to Pure. I was seriously on edge, wondering if she was going to make a fool out of me just as much as Peter.

"I have a surprise for you…" Sage sing-songed as she stepped out of the closet completely naked.

I groaned as my head pounded. The painkillers hadn't kicked in yet. "What?" I moaned and threw my legs over the edge of the bed, sitting and waiting for whatever torture was sure to come.

"You don't wanna know?" she smirked and I noticed her hands were behind her back.

"Sage, unless you're gonna make the headache go away, I have to say I really don't care right now."

She climbed into my lap, sure to keep her hands behind her back as she got situated, her core rubbing tantalizingly against my morning wood. Without further ado, she pulled something from behind her back and plopped it on my head.

I grabbed at it and pulled it off, examining the purple velvet top hat. "Alright, buy me a vowel?"

She giggled and turned the hat so that I could see a large playing card with a caricature of the Queen of Hearts attached to the brim. "You're the Mad Hatter!"

I let my eyes drift closed a moment, savoring the friction she was unknowingly providing my hard-on. "OK…" I sighed. "And who are you? The Dormouse?"

She snorted. "No. You'll just have to wait and see."

"What's Peter?"

"I'm not telling you. You might warn him."

"I won't." I replied breathlessly as she shifted again, an evil glint in her eyes. She knew what she was doing now. She knew that, even through the haze of a hangover, I wanted to be inside her and she was teasing me. "Sage, please…"

"Please what?" she whispered, kissing my shoulder and pressing against me.

_So wet…_

_ Fuck, she's so fucking wet!_

"I need you." She whispered against my lips as she kissed me seductively.

_Fuck me._

_ Please!_

I let the hat drop to the floor and gathered her in my arms before scooting back on the bed and rolling us until she was pressed into the soft mattress. "How much?" I whispered huskily, sliding my tip along her slit. She moaned in response and lifted her hips. "How much?" I repeated. "What do you want?"

"I want you to fuck me." She whispered as I began nipping and sucking her neck. "_Please_, Jas."

I moaned into her neck and then slid down her body, capturing a perfect nipple between my lips and sucking hard as her back arched into me. I wrapped an arm around her back, keeping her from squirming away from me as I gently bit down, but she surprised me by pressing herself into me, her fingers tangling in my hair and tugging lightly.

"_Jazz_…" she sighed. "God… so good…"

I smiled around her, flicking my tongue around the tight bud before releasing her and kissing my way down her stomach to her mound. She shifted under me, attempting to squirm away and I smiled and pressed a kiss to the smooth skin.

"Anxious?" I murmured against her skin. She nodded, but otherwise made no attempt to answer because of her now labored breathing.

This was a recent hobby for me… _teasing_. I couldn't lie and say that I didn't enjoy whipping her into a frenzy before I made love to her, or even _fucked_ her, as was sometimes the case.

In the beginning, with the threat of being caught looming over us, Sage's and my lovemaking had been tender when we could afford it and hurried when we couldn't. We hadn't had time to experiment with what we both enjoyed. After her long stay at the clinic, however, that had changed.

Something in Sage had snapped and there were days I seemed barely able to keep up with her, but that didn't mean I was about to leave her unsatisfied… so I'd learned new things about her.

My girl liked a little teasing… she _really_ liked dirty talk… spanking was a good thing every now and again…

I lowered my mouth and gently sucked her clit between my lips, grabbing hold of her hips as she bucked against me. "No." I chastised. "Hold still." Sage whimpered, but remained immobile as I continued my ministrations, licking and sucking before plunging two fingers into her and curling them forward as I pulled them out again.

"Jas, _please_!" My tongue continued its assault as she cried out, "Please, _please_, _ple_—Ah!" her body went rigid beneath me and I eagerly lapped up the evidence of her release before withdrawing my fingers and touching them to her lips.

Without a second's hesitation, she opened her mouth and sucked my fingers clean. I smiled, letting my eyes drift closed as I imagined her sucking my dick… but I wanted to be _inside_ her… I could have her mouth whenever I wanted, but it wasn't what I wanted right _now_.

"Do you want me?" I whispered against her stomach.

"You know I do…" she murmured, reaching down to push my hair out of my eyes.

I smiled into her smooth flesh and kissed her hip lightly. "How do you want me?" she didn't answer, simply smiled and bit her lip—the look she always gave me when she wanted me to be rough with her.

I pushed myself up on my knees and grabbed her hips, flipping her over before she had time to fully process my movements, and wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her back onto her hands and knees.

Grasping my cock, I pumped myself a few times before running the head along her slick folds, smiling as she wriggled against me. Without warning, I thrust in to the hilt, groaning at the feeling of her tight walls and smiling as Sage threw her head back, her hair cascading down her back.

I ran my fingers through her hair, tracing the tips down to her neck and across to her shoulder before pulling her back into an upright position and pressing a kiss to her left shoulder. She raised her arms up and clasped her hands behind my neck, pushing her chest out and keeping my face buried in the crook of her neck as I began thrusting in earnest, withdrawing almost completely before slamming back into her.

"Oh _fuck_!" she cried as I grabbed her breast roughly with my free hand. "Jazz, yes!"

I pressed my lips to her shoulder and grunted, forcing myself faster as her walls began to flutter around me. I forced her back down to her hands and knees, grabbing her hips so hard I knew she'd probably bruise and snapped my hips harder until she screamed my name, forcing me over the edge with her.

I shuddered inside her for several minutes, panting and gasping for breath. When we'd both come down from our highs, I pulled out of her and collapsed, pulling her tightly to my chest.

"How's your headache?" she murmured sleepily.

I sighed contentedly and kissed her hair. "What headache?" she chortled and snuggled closer to me. "Got the blood pumpin' and now the headache's gone."

Sage snorted at that and shook her head, bringing my hand to her lips and pressing a tender kiss into my palm. "If you say so." She turned over to face me and kissed my lips lightly. "Now. Get up and get moving. It's after one. Peter and Char'll be here by six so Char and I can get Peter ready and then get ourselves ready."

"Oh, so I get to get myself ready?" I snarked.

"Can I trust you to get yourself ready?" she asked warily.

"What's Peter wearing?"

She snorted again. "I'm _not_ telling you! You'll just have to wait and laugh your ass off at the surprise… but you should at least be thankful that _you_ are not _Peter_ today."

I grinned, catching on to the fact that she and Char had obviously set out to truly humiliate him. "Alright." I groaned. "Fine." I kissed her again and followed her into the shower.

We puttered around the apartment doing some cleaning and straightening to pass the time and cooked ourselves dinner, knowing Peter could never wait past five to eat and that we wouldn't have to worry about them being hungry.

Right at six, Sage ushered me upstairs and pulled the rest of my costume out of a garment bag in the back of the closet. She handed it off to me with explicit instructions to be good and wear the damn costume without complaint. I had a sneaking suspicion she and Charlotte would make the next Halloween hell if I didn't.

So, with a little trepidation, I opened the garment bag and breathed a sigh of relief. It actually wasn't _too_ bad. It was a plum colored three-piece suit with an acid green tie and sunshine yellow button-down shirt. There was also a pair of yellow, green, and purple striped socks and a pair of matching plum colored loafers.

_OK, yeah… it really is _that_ bad._

_ Fuck._

_ Me._

_ Sideways._

_ Seeing Peter get humiliated better be fucking worth this…_

I heard the knock on the door just as I was straightening the tie and then heard the footsteps that indicated Char and Peter were crossing the living room and into the office to get Peter changed. A few minutes later, an angry yell startled me bad enough to knock my shin against the cabinet.

"You've gotta be fuckin' _shittin'_ me! I'm _not_ wearin' this!"

"Yes, you _are_, Peter Clancy Hansen!"

_Fuck._

_ Another reminder never to piss Pete's parents off._

"Yeah, _Schwoogie-Muffin_! Look at it this way, easier access for Char if you decide to fuck in the bathroom again!"

"Not funny, Parsley!"

Sage's laugh floated up the stairs long before I heard her actually climbing them. When she entered the bedroom, she was red-faced and clutching her sides.

"He's—" gasp "_so_—" gasp "fucking—" cough "_pissed_!" she collapsed in a heap of giggles and rolled onto her side to watch me continue straightening my tie. "You look good."

"I look like a rainbow puked on me."

Sage scowled at me. "Don't be difficult, Jazz."

I grinned. "I'll be better once I see Pete, I'm sure." She beamed at me and I held out a hand to help her up off the floor. "Do I get to see your costume now?"

"No." she smirked and kissed me. "Go wait downstairs."

I did as instructed and sat on the couch, waiting. A half-hour later, Charlotte emerged with a shit-eatin' grin on her face and waited for Peter to emerge.

I nearly choked on my water as he stepped into the living room, a scowl firmly in place on his face.

He was wearing what was _obviously_ a woman's costume: a red dress with a cinched bodice and short puffy skirt with little white and black hearts patterning it. Charlotte had affixed a poufy red wig to his head and done his makeup: sky blue eye shadow up to his brow bone and a red heart of lipstick in the center of his mouth. He even had a tiny crown on top of the wig.

"Not one fuckin' word from you." He growled as he stepped around the end of the couch and plopped down in a huff, his arms crossed. "I can't fuckin' believe I agreed to this."

I snickered under my breath and eyed him up and down. "I dunno, Pete… you look kinda _hot_." I grinned as I eyed his legs, which Charlotte had obviously forced him to shave.

"At least she's lettin' me wear briefs. She wanted me to wear a fuckin' _thong_."

I snorted at that and inhaled some of my water. I sputtered and hacked as Charlotte reemerged in what could only be described as a slightly less racy Playboy Bunny costume. She'd added a crimson vest and a pocket watch.

"How do I look?" she drawled, twirling and shaking her bunny tail at us.

"Better than Pete." I quipped, earning myself a glare.

Charlotte rolled her eyes and headed up the stairs. "I've gotta get my makeup done. You two play nice… and Peter, no screwing with your makeup!"

"I'll get right on that." He grumbled and I couldn't help but smirk. "Stop grinnin' at me like that. I don't like you that way."

I scowled at him. "Get over it. You lost a bet… to a _girl_… who's half your size and weighs a buck-five soaking wet." I mocked.

"I let her have it." He brushed me off.

"No, you didn't. You were stunned when she put that hold on you." I smirked again. "She's never been sexier to me than she was in that moment." I laughed and picked up the XBox controllers, handing him one. "Halo?"

"Yeah." He sighed. "I guess."

We began shooting at other people in our game, but my concentration kept drifting back to Peter and his ridiculous outfit. I knew what he was supposed to be, given our "theme", but I really wanted to make him say it.

"What?" he mumbled as he reloaded his weapon.

I chuckled. "Dude, what exactly are you supposed to be?"

He glared at me. "I'm the Queen of Hearts. Haven't you ever seen _Alice In Wonderland_?"

I snorted and doubled over laughing, promptly dying in the game. "Yeah… Yeah…"

An hour and a half later, Sage skipped down the stairs and pirouetted to stand in front of me. "What do you think?" she asked happily.

Her top was a pale blue bodice that ended just under her boobs, with ruffled puff sleeves. The skirt was short and slightly puffy as well with lace peeking out. The only thing covering her midriff was a sheer white smock with lace edging, though the skin beneath could still be seen quite clearly. She'd straightened her hair completely and tied a black ribbon in a bow, using it as a headband. She was wearing white lacy socks and black Mary Janes on top of it.

"It's great." I choked, not thinking it was _great_ at all. She was showing more skin than I'd ever known her to in public. "Where's the rest of it?"

"This _is_ the rest of it." She replied smugly.

"Uh… no… no way."

"Oh, come off it, _Major_… Char's prancing around like a Goddamn Playboy Bunny. You can deal with _Alice_." Peter grumbled.

We all cringed when we caught the reference, but Sage was the first to brush it off. She pouted slightly and twirled again. "You don't like it?"

"I like it too much." I sighed, pulling her onto my lap. "That's the problem. Every other guy will too." Sage smirked and kissed me. "There's more fabric in one of my _socks_." I added, tugging on the hem of the skirt. "There was more fabric in your butterfly costume."

She snorted at that. "Not after you got done with it."

A half-hour later, Charlotte joined us, this time with her makeup and a pair of bunny ears perched on top of her head.

"Jasper, whatcha think of Sage's costume?" she teased, smirking at me.

I growled and pulled Sage to my chest. Everyone laughed at that and we headed out.

Pure was decorated the same as it had been the previous Halloween. Strobe lights everywhere; goulish and freaky scenes from scary movies playing across flat-screens scattered around the walls; the staff dressed up in freakish and racy costumes.

The drink of the evening was some weird ass cocktail called "Dracula's Blood", which was really a lame Bloody Mary suped up with a shot of Jaegermeister. I'd had a sip of Char's but couldn't stomach it and simply stuck with a Jack and Coke, like Peter. Sage was nursing a bottle of water, knowing she'd probably end up as the Designated Driver, though she did have a sip of my drink here and there whenever the bouncers weren't looking.

Everyone (and I do mean _everyone_) was gawping at Pete as though he were dressed as a gorilla that was deep-throating bananas. The girls kept snickering every time someone did a double-take and Peter was becoming increasingly annoyed.

"I fucking hate you right now, Sage." He grumbled after the fiftieth or so rubber-neck.

Sage giggled and snuggled against my chest. "Don't blame me, Petey… Char's the one who decided your costume. Quite frankly, I was willing to let you dress up as the March Hare so you'd match Charlotte, but apparently that wasn't enough punishment in her eyes."

Peter glared at his girlfriend. "No sex for you tonight, Babe."

Charlotte snorted and took a sip of her drink. "Please, Peter, don't make threats you're not capable of following through on." She gave me a sly wink. "So do ya'll know when your Spring Break is?"

We exchanged looks and then Sage shrugged. "Last week of March, why?"

"Because we're going to Vegas." Peter shrugged nonchalantly.

"Why not Reno? It's closer." I asked. I was carefully moving my hand under Sage's skirt as I asked the question. I'd noticed the ruffled white cheekies under the skirt as she'd climbed into the truck and I was itching to have a closer look.

Charlotte giggled and blushed. "Because we wanna do it right."

"Do it right?" Sage and I asked in unison and I could tell she was just as confused as I was.

Then, as though a light bulb went on over her head, Sage leaned forward and asked excitedly, "Do _it_ right? Are you?" and then her head whipped around so she could look at Peter. "Did you? Let me see!" she cried, scrambling off my lap and around the table to grab Charlotte's hand.

"We are!" she replied happily, flashing a diamond solitaire set in white gold. "We want ya'll there, obviously!"

I clapped Peter on the shoulder and grinned. "I think we can handle that."

Peter grinned. "Good. I need a Best Man and unfortunately, you're the only fucker I know who won't get drunk and _then_ give the toast." We both snorted, knowing he was joking.

"Sage, I was really hoping you'd stand up for me."

Sage nodded excitedly and before I knew it, the girls were disappearing off to the bathroom. Sage had explained once that women gossiped in the bathroom to retain some semblance of privacy. When I had asked if she ever gossiped about me, she'd simply given me a wicked grin and replied with _"Of course not!"_ in a voice that was a little too saccharine for me to believe.

"Congrats, Pete. I'm happy for you."

Peter smirked and drained his glass. "Thanks, Man." His eyes flitted off in the direction of the bathroom and he leaned forward conspiratorially. "What about you two?"

I snorted a laugh. "Pete, it'll be someday, but it's _not_ gonna happen for a while. Sage is just getting her bearings again; her dad's gonna pass soon… We need to finish college…"

He rolled his eyes. "You need to get some fuckin' balls. That girl would follow you to Hell and back."

I nodded, knowing he was right. "Still," I shrugged. "It'll happen. When we're both ready. I'm not so sure she is right now and the last thing I wanna do is add more stress when things are so up and the air with her dad."

Sage chose that minute to appear at my side. "Wanna dance?" she whispered, placing a lingering kiss on my pulse point.

I nodded and led her out onto the floor just as "Breakeven" by The Script began playing. I pulled her close, grinning as her arms circled my neck and she pulled me into a sweet kiss.

"I love you." She murmured. "Thank you for playing along tonight and wearing the costume."

I shrugged and kissed her forehead. "Only for you, Darlin'. Only for you."

We danced through several more songs with Charlotte and Peter only a few feet away, switching up partners every now and again, though when Sage and Char began dancing together, Peter and I retreated back to our table.

It was then that I saw him. I don't even know why I noticed, but I guess subconsciously, I'd been waiting for him to appear. He had, after all, been here last year as well… though I suspected that was because Sage had told him we'd be here.

He locked eyes with me and gave me a small smile and a nod of recognition before smiling fondly at Sage, who was completely oblivious. Whatever jealousy remained was immediately killed as a busty brunette dressed in a bikini top and shorts with her heavily pregnant belly painted as a beach ball wrapped her arm around him and kissed his cheek.

I had to smile at that. It was nice to know that as much as he'd cared for Sage and as much as she'd undoubtedly hurt him, Michael was able to find a bit of happiness in the end.

I didn't linger on the sight too long though, because Peter's words began echoing through my head and I couldn't help but imagine Sage with an equally swollen belly, and that just wouldn't do. Not right now. Soon.

With those thoughts, I went off to go dance with my girl again.

_**End Note: I'm sorry I didn't do review replies and teasers this week. My shoulder has been getting worse and according to my doc, I'm supposed to be "resting" my arm as much as possible. How I'm supposed to "rest" it, I'm not exactly sure, except to put it in a sling, but that doesn't fly with a 14 month-old.**_

_**So, let's try this again: Review and I'll send a teaser (I think). This chapter was the last pre-written, so now I'm truly flying by the seat of my pants and we'll have to hope HammerHips can light a fire under my ass to get the next chapter written before next Sunday.**_

_**I appreciate all the reviews and Alerts (I actually teared up a little at all the Author Alerts I received). You guys have no idea how much that means to me, especially because this story is OC and it's so difficult to find love for an Original Character. Thanks for sticking with me and not giving up on Sage.**_

_**P.S. Who likes morning sex with Jasper?**_


	54. Through The Years

_**A/N: The Twilight Universe and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just making it up as I go.**_

_*****ANNOUNCEMENTS: Alright, I know I suck. Can we just say the last several months have been one long test in Murphy's Law? Seriously. It's been that bad. And with that, my creativity kind of dried up for a while, and I had about ¼ of this chapter written until yesterday when the floodgates opened. You'll be happy to know that 54 is already written and with the beta. True story.**_

_**Now for some good news: Sage has been nominated in another contest! She's in the "Best Other Character" category of the Sunflower Awards. Be sure to check it out and vote for Sage. Voting is open until 5/24. http:/ thesunflowerawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/**_

_**This story is rated M for mature content, including adult language, situations, themes, and lemons. 18+ only, please.**_

_**LOOK MA! I converted one! Yup, that's right! AbbyMickey24, a die-hard anti-OC reader has been converted. Yup. She likes Sage. Kinda pisses her off too, but she likes her regardless. Thanks to her for pre-reading.**_

_**HammerHips is my Schwoogie-Muffin, so I love her long time.**_

Chapter 53: Through The Years

_I can't remember what I used to do  
Who I trusted whom, I listened to before  
I swear you've taught me everything I know  
Can't imagine needing someone so  
But through the years it seems to me  
I need you more and more_

"_Through The Years" by Kenny Rogers_

_**Sage POV**_

Taking Rosalie to Lompoc wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. I was actually rather glad that she was going to meet my dad, regardless of Amelia. For some reason, it didn't feel right that after all these years, she hadn't met him.

Emmett meant a lot to my dad, regardless of his animosity, and Dad had often peppered me with questions in an attempt to get to know her.

It felt right, having that bulky car seat in the back seat with Rosalie wedged against the side window while she cooed and talked to my niece and attempted to keep her distracted when she wasn't napping.

"You don't need to be nervous, Rose." Jasper sighed and I looked up to see him watching her in the rearview mirror.

"I'm not." She replied, and I could tell by her tone that she most certainly _was_.

Jasper smirked and shook his head. "Randall's a good guy."

"I'm sure he is. I doubt you and Sage would keep going to see him if he wasn't." she whispered and I turned around to watch her stare out the window. "What if… he doesn't _like_ me?"

I snorted, earning me a glare from Rosalie and a chuckle from Jasper. "Rose," I giggled. "You realize my dad is worried about _you_ not liking _him_, right?" she shrugged noncommittally. "He is." I insisted. "I mean… Let's face it, you spent seven years thinking he was _dead_ and then find out he's in _prison_… and Emmett never has a kind thing to say about him and he's well aware of that. He's utterly terrified of you, but at the same time, he's so excited to get to meet you and Amelia. Anyone as important in Em's life as you two are, he's excited to meet."

She gave me a wan smile and I supposed it was because I'd brought up Emmett. It was just sort of an unspoken agreement that we weren't discussing Emmett. At all. We didn't ask how Emmett had reacted to the news that Rose and Amelia were headed for Lompoc and Rose didn't volunteer the information. It was simple. Easy. And almost completely impossible at the same time because it was the great, big, purple elephant in the room.

"How's Therapy going?" she asked, changing the subject.

I shrugged. "It's going. Had a breakthrough last week. They're thinking of cutting back my sessions, but I'm still supposed to be working the bag, which is getting harder."

"Why?"

"I'm running out of things to be pissed about."

Rosalie gave me a genuine smile at that. "That's really good, Sage. I'm happy for you."

We pulled up in front of our normal motel a few minutes later and Jasper helped Rosalie get Amelia's travel crib and their bags into their room while I took our bags to our room next door. When he came back, he sighed and laid down on the bed.

"We need dinner…"

"Pizza?"

"Sure." He sighed. "I'm exhausted."

"I'm not surprised. You barely slept last night, Jazz."

He grimaced at that, but nodded. "I was anxious… this thing… these trips… it's always just been you and me. Feels weird."

I smiled. "Yeah, but I kinda like the weirdness of it."

He groaned and sat up, pulling me down into his lap and planting a tender kiss on my lips. "Well, as long as you're OK, I can deal with it. How about I go grab a pizza and you get Rose and Amelia over here for a movie?"

"Sure. I just have to call Warden Afton to confirm he's giving us one of the trailers tomorrow."

Jasper pulled a face at that. The Warden was being very nice and sensitive about the entire ordeal. My father had years of good behavior to help in this endeavor of mine, but it had taken a lot of string-pulling on the Warden's side to secure a trailer normally used for conjugal visits. He even swore up and down it would be cleaned entirely before our visit (thank God). He hadn't yet gotten back to me on whether I would be allowed to bring my guitar though.

Dad had wanted to see me play, but I couldn't just show up with my guitar. According to the Warden, sometimes _special circumstances_ meant the rules could be bent and I hoped this was one of them. I really wanted to be able to play for Dad.

"OK." He kissed me again and I let him up. He called in our order and left while I dialed the Warden's number.

_"Warden Jeremy Afton."_ A gruff voice barked after the third ring.

"Hi, Warden. This is Sage McCarty."

_"Hi there, Sage. How are you?"_

"Good, Sir. I was calling to confirm we'll have one of the trailers tomorrow?"

_"Yes, ma'am. It's already set up and ready. When you all get here, the guard at sign-in will be waiting for you and he'll have one of the CO's escort you to the trailer."_

I nodded even though he couldn't see it. "Alright… What about…" I took a deep breath and steeled myself for a let-down. "What about my guitar?"

The line was silent for a moment and I bit my lip as I waited. Finally, he said, _"The CO's will need to do a thorough search and scan… but you can bring it."_

I heaved a sigh of relief and smiled. "I'm OK with that, so long as they're careful. It's my dad's old guitar. It's older than I am."

_"They'll use the utmost care with it."_ He assured me.

"Alright, we'll see you tomorrow, Warden."

_"Yes, ma'am."_

I hung up just as Rosalie wandered in with the baby. She gave me a small smile and perched on the end of the bed. "Conversation with Warden Afton go well?"

"Yup." I nodded. "They'll have to scan the guitar, but they're letting me bring it in."

She grinned. "Well that's good. Jasper says you haven't been playing much lately."

I shrugged. "Not really… After I burned my hand, I didn't really stretch the skin and work it the way I needed to and it got stiff. I've been practicing for a few weeks though." There was no need to admit to either Rose or Jasper that I hadn't actually picked up either of my guitars since that epic emotional fail with Michael. I'd somehow lost the zeal I used to have for it, but now that I was recovering and moving forward, I was regaining my love for the instrument.

On any other day, I used the Gibson Hummingbird Jasper had long ago chosen for me, but I wanted my dad to know how much I treasured his old guitar, and so I'd pulled it out of its case and had it cleaned and serviced so that I could play it for him.

Jasper entered a moment later carrying a large pepperoni pizza. He grinned evilly and asked, "Mimi, you want some pizza?"

I cringed. Rose and I _hated_ that nickname for Amelia, but that only made Jasper use it more, so we'd stopped bitching about it.

Rosalie scowled at him. "She'll be just fine with her jarred food and breast milk, Jasper." And then she kissed Amelia on the head and cooed, "Uncle Jasper's being an idiot. Just wait until he and Auntie Sage have babies. He'll be an idiot then too, but Auntie Sage will kick his ass like she did to Peter."

"Rose, little ears have big mouths." I chastised.

"Shut up." She laughed. "She's not talking yet."

"Yeah, and when her first words are _fuck_, _shit_, _damn_, _ass_, and _bitch_, you're gonna flip your lid."

Jasper snorted a laugh. "Says the girl who can make an entire _sentence_ out of all those words, including using one as a verb and another as an adjective."

"Shut up. You wanna feed a seven month-old pizza." I retorted, sticking my tongue out in a stellar showing of my own maturity. "Can we eat already? I'm starving."

We ate in relative silence, watching some crappy movie about vampires who _sparkled_ in the sunlight while Amelia attempted to crawl on the blanket Rose had laid out for her. After the movie, Rose excused herself to get Amelia ready for bed and I immediately pulled out Dad's old Gibson Epiphone and began tuning it.

Jasper grinned at me. "It's good to see you play again, you know that? I can't remember the last time I saw you play before a few weeks ago."

I smiled wistfully. "The night of my _date_ with Ed_weird_."

His brow furrowed at that. "Seriously? That long?"

"Yup." I replied, pulling the pick free of its spot under the strings at the top of the neck. "That long. On the Samick." I strummed a little to start before picking up the scales. It had always been a habit of mine to start with scales when I practiced, just to make sure the muscle memory was still there.

Unfortunately for me, it wasn't. It really had been too long without playing and I was having to slowly build up the muscle memory again. My fingers ached and the calluses that had built up were still sensitive instead of being thick and tough like I needed them to be.

_I'll be paying for this for the next few months._

I grimaced as I felt my pinky strain to reach the correct chord, and then again when my middle finger cracked.

"Shit." I whispered.

"It sounds good." Jasper encouraged.

I pulled a face. "It's scales and it sounds like shit."

"You're out of practice. It happens." He whispered soothingly, pushing my hair out of my eyes. "And he's not gonna care if all you play is scales for him. He'll love anything because you love the guitar just like he does."

I smiled. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" he asked, grinning.

"Say the right thing all the time?"

He chuckled at that and kissed my forehead. "If you'll recall, there have been times where I've said some decidedly _stupid_ things."

"Not recently." I murmured, tilting my head up to kiss him. "Now, go shower. I need to practice."

Jasper smirked. "Fine. I'll give you until I'm outta the shower, but then we're goin' to bed. You don't need to be up all night straining your fingers and I don't need to try to sleep to a chorus of _Fuck Fuck Fuck that hurt!_ every time you can't reach the right fret."

I rolled my eyes, knowing he was teasing me. I could reach the frets just fine, it was just difficult without the muscle memory. "Whatever." I mumbled, sticking my tongue out at him.

He laughed and disappeared into the bathroom while I continued, my frustration mounting every time I strained my pinky. I eventually took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to come up with a song to play.

Without meaning to, my fingers began the opening notes to Frankie J's _Daddy's Little Girl_. I hadn't played the song in a very long time. Jasper was the first person to play it for me, all those years ago in Galveston, on the porch swing that first night. I'd never told him, but I'd learned the chords as soon as I back to Forks and played it every night for a year. It helped me sleep. It made me feel as though he was there with me.

"See?"

I snapped to attention, not realizing that I'd played through the entire song with my eyes closed and my mind elsewhere. Jasper was leaning in the bathroom doorway, a towel slung low on his hips and a grin on his face.

"See what?" I asked.

"See? You've been stressing, but you played it perfect."

I shrugged at that. "I used to play it a lot."

He nodded and shrugged away from the door. "Well, maybe that's a sign? Maybe that's what you should play for him. It means a lot to you."

"You were the first person to play it for me."

"So? Your face lights up whenever you hear it. You were smiling just now."

"Maybe…" I acceded.

The next morning, we grabbed breakfast at the diner across the street from the motel before heading over to the prison.

The check-in process was a lot longer than normal, since I had the guitar with me. Unfortunately, I might've hampered the entire process a little by henpecking every move the guards made with the guitar.

I was jumpy and unconsciously kept reaching for it every time they made a move with it, though they were incredibly gentle, and it was only when Jasper put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly that I calmed slightly.

The guards escorted us to one of the trailers and I set the guitar down in the corner as Rosalie settled on the bed with Amelia.

The trailer was sparsely decorated, only having a bed with cheap white sheets and a single pillow. There were no chairs, no decorations, and the walls were white. It kind of reminded me of being on the Ward, except that the mattress on the Ward was thicker and had a nice blanket.

A few moments later, the door opened and Dad entered, wearing the orange jumpsuit I'd grown accustomed to seeing him in, his wrists cuffed in front of him.

I waited until the guard removed the cuffs and left with a reminder of three hours before crossing the room to hug him.

"Hi, Daddy." I whispered.

"Hi, Baby Girl. How you been?"

"I've been better… but I've been worse." I replied, smiling up at him. He grinned back, his dimples showing, and I grabbed his hand, pulling him over to the bed. "Dad, this is Rosalie Hale… and this is Amelia."

Dad grinned and shook Rose's proffered hand. "It's so nice to meet you, Rosalie. I've heard a lot about you."

"Rose, Sir." Rosalie replied, giving him a winning smile. "Family calls me Rose."

I could tell by that simple statement, Rose had made his day. His smile was so wide, I thought his face might crack… and it wasn't much of a stretch.

Dad was more worse-off than the last time I'd seen him. His cheeks had sunken in, his skin had taken on a slightly yellow pallor, and the whites of his eyes had gone yellow.

_Jaundice._

"Well, _Rose_, _family_ calls me Randall." Dad replied, smiling brightly. "So she's my granddaughter?"

Rosalie nodded. "Would you like to hold her?"

"Nothing would make me happier."

Rosalie slid over to make room for him and he sat down next to her, situating himself so that he was stable on the bed before taking Amelia from her. "Hey there, Little Girl. I'm your granddaddy. It's nice to finally meet you." Amelia smiled and Dad smiled back. "She looks a lot like your mother, Rose… but she's got Sage's and Mariah's eyes."

I rolled my eyes. "Dad, her eyes haven't settled yet. She's only seven months old."

"So what? They're more green than anything, but they're that light green like yours, not dark like Jasper's."

"I agree." Rosalie murmured. "And they're beautiful, no matter what. She's got your dimples though, Randall." She added as Amelia smiled again, further proving the point.

"Well, they're Emmett's…"

"Emmett gets them from you, that makes them yours." She replied.

Dad smiled again and I swear I saw a tear slip down his cheek. "You've no idea how happy you've made me today, do you know that? I get to meet the love of my son's life, and my granddaughter all in one go. That's pretty damn special." He wiped his eyes quickly and glanced at me. "Sage, you gonna play for me, or did you just bring the Epiphone for show?"

I snapped out of my Dad-induced trance and nodded. "Yeah, I'm gonna play." I replied, smiling gratefully as Jasper pulled the Epiphone out of its case and handed it to me. I strummed and tuned by ear while Dad and Rosalie continued a murmured conversation.

Jasper sat quietly with me, kissing my hair as I found the right sounds, and when I was ready, he scooted a little ways away to give me enough room.

He smiled encouragingly and I plucked out the first few notes slowly, earning a nod of approval, and then I began to truly play.

I hadn't actually meant to sing, but for some reason it didn't feel right to _not_ sing, not let Dad hear me, when this was quite obviously the only time he would. As I picked and plucked out the song, I started low, almost a murmur, and as Jasper placed a comforting hand on my knee and squeezed, I began in earnest.

"_He drops his suitcase by the door  
She knows her daddy won't be back anymore  
She drags her feet across the floor  
Tryin' to hold back time, to keep him holdin' on_

And she says, "Daddy, Daddy, don't leave  
I'll do anything to keep you  
Right here with me  
Can't you see how much I need you?"

Jasper wiped a stray tear from my cheek and I gave him a soft smile, not having even realized I was crying. And then, without warning, Dad picked up the song with me, rocking Amelia gently as he sang with me.__

"Daddy, Daddy, don't leave  
Mommy's sayin' things she don't mean  
She don't know what she's talkin' about  
Somebody hear me out?

Father, listen  
Tell him that he's got a home  
And he don't have to go  
Father, save him  
I would do anything in return?"

It had been so long, I'd forgotten how well my dad sang, how comforting his voice was. It was deep and gravelly, not nearly as smooth as Frankie J's, but still so perfect in its own way. He was a little pitchy at points, but no one cared, and I loved the sound. I was committing every bit of it to memory.__

"I'll clean my room, try hard in school  
I'll be good, I promise You  
Father, Father, I pray to You

Now she hasn't slept in weeks  
She don't wanna close her eyes  
'Cause she's scared that he'll leave  
They tried just about everything  
But it's gettin' harder now for him to breathe

And she says, "Daddy, Daddy don't leave  
I'll do anything to keep you  
Right here with me  
Can't you see how much I need you?

_Daddy, Daddy, don't leave  
The doctors are sayin' things they don't mean  
They don't know what they're talkin' about  
Somebody hear me out?_

Father, listen  
Tell him that he's got a home  
And he don't have to go  
Father, save him  
I would do anything in return?

I'll clean my room, try hard in school  
I'll be good, I promise You  
Father, Father, I pray to You?

Please don't let him go, I'm beggin' You so  
Let him open eyes, need a little more time  
To tell him that I love him more  
Than anything in the world, it's Daddy's Little Girl

Father, listen  
Tell him that he's got a home  
And he don't have to go  
Father, save him  
I would do anything in return?

I'll clean my room, try hard in school  
I'll be good, I promise You  
Father, Father

She was Daddy's Little Girl"

We trailed off slowly as the song came to an end and Rosalie and Jasper both clapped loudly.

"That was great!" Rose exclaimed. "Sage, I had no idea you could sing that well."

Dad grinned and nodded. "You sure as hell didn't get that from your mother, that's for sure." He chuckled and shook his head. "She always sounded like she was skinning a cat."

I laughed at that. "Dad, that's not nice."

"No, but it sure as hell is the truth. She knew it too, she just didn't care… and I still loved to hear her sing."

_**Jasper POV**_

Over the next few weeks, Sage and I began picking up our Lompoc visits to every weekend. She'd never asked, and I knew she never would, but I began suggesting it and she was always relieved that I offered.

Rosalie and Amelia joined us a few times, except for the weekend after Thanksgiving, as she and Emmett wanted to spend their first big holiday as a family together. We were alright with that though, since we'd spent the holiday with Peter and Char before driving down to Lompoc the day after.

The stress of it all was definitely getting so Sage, though. She'd gotten a low A on her Ethics mid-term and was freaked out that she wouldn't be able to keep the grade up, citing that her ethics must've been skewed because of what happened with Maria and Royce.

I'd simply rolled my eyes and quizzed her non-stop, letting her use my flashcards, since she had the same professor I'd had, and let her have her quiet time to study.

I knew from her attitude that she and Randall were spending some time during the visits talking about Emmett, but what exactly, I was never sure. She was always drained, but she wouldn't let herself slip. She was still working the bag, still hiking and kickboxing with Charles, still pouring her heart out to Doctor Cullen…

And my girl was _happy_.

It wasn't so much that I could see it, as I could just _feel _it. It was such a drastic change, it felt like the air around her had shifted and she was pure joy and laughter and jokes, music and photographs, light and energy.

She got up at the crack of dawn every damn day to run five miles, then went off to class, then to work with me to help with riding lessons, then back into the city for therapy, then home for Rage Exercises and homework. She was unstoppable, a complete force of nature that often left me feeling exhausted.

And I loved every fucking minute of it.

This was the Sage I'd been missing, the one who'd slipped through the cracks over the years. She was back, and she wasn't fucking backing down again.

Two weeks before Christmas found us back in Lompoc, sans Rose and Amelia, and enjoying the quiet time in our motel room. We'd both brought books to study for the upcoming finals, but something was off and I could tell Sage was waging some internal battle about whether or not to bring it up.

After over an hour of her fidgeting, she finally sighed, sat up on the bed and said, "I got early acceptance to the Master's Program at Columbia."

I closed my book and set it aside. "That's fucking awesome, Darlin'! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I kissed her quickly and hugged her.

She sighed and buried her face in my chest. "Because I'm not sure I'll go."

"What? Why?" I cried, pushing her backward so I could look her in the eyes.

"Because… you were planning on applying to the Master's Program at Berkeley, and I don't want to be separated for three years… I figured I'd just apply to Berkeley's program. It's just as good."

"_No_, it's _not_ just as good." I argued. "You and I _both_ know that… and I was planning on applying to Berkeley's program as a fall-back in case I couldn't get into Columbia's program. I'm going wherever you're going, Sage. You're stuck with me."

Sage smiled wistfully at that. "You mean that?" I nodded. "So then… as long as you get in too, we're going to New York."

"Damn straight." I kissed her again and laid down, pulling her onto my chest. "Just please tell me we won't _stay_ in New York afterwards." I laughed. "I don't think I could live in snow and slush forever… or the humidity."

"No, I definitely don't want to deal with all that forever… just long enough for the program." She agreed.

We spent a few more hours that evening studying and discussing plans for what we would need to take care of if we, indeed, were making a move to New York by the end of the next year, and then went to bed shortly before midnight.

The next morning was par for the course. Sage agonized over what to wear to the prison, still intent that she should look nice for her dad, even if that meant gut-wrenching over how much skin was showing. We grabbed breakfast at the local diner and were parked in the visitor's lot no later than ten.

I saw him long before Sage did. At first, I'd thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, or that maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, but as we got closer to the doors, he came into sharper focus and I knew that he was actually there. I just didn't know _why._

He was leaning against the wall, arms and ankles crossed, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, simply waiting… watching… but his face was a blank mask.

I stopped short of the sidewalk, cinching Sage to my side and she looked up at me questioningly. "Jazz? What is it? What's wrong?" she looked around, and I knew the exact second she caught sight of him, because her entire body went rigid as she exhaled a whispered, "Emmett."

_**End Note: Next chapter will be up next week. Leave some love, I'll send a teaser.**_


	55. Don't Fear The Reaper

_**A/N: I don't own it.**_

Chapter 54: Don't Fear the Reaper

_All our times have come  
Here but now they're gone  
Seasons don't fear the reaper  
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain..we can be like they are  
Come on baby...don't fear the reaper  
Baby take my hand...don't fear the reaper  
We'll be able to fly...don't fear the reaper  
Baby I'm your man..._

-"Don't Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult

_**Sage POV**_

"Emmett." I whispered hoarsely.

Since Jasper and I had stopped walking, Emmett took the opportunity to shrug away from the wall and walk to us, stopping about three feet in front of us and shoving his hands into his pockets.

"What are you doing here, Emmett?" I asked quietly.

Emmett cleared his throat and shrugged a little, rocking back on his heels as Jasper squeezed me a little tighter. Finally, he sighed and looked up at me. "Came to see Dad."

_Say what?_

_Come again?_

_HUH?_

"Huh?"

_Wow. I'm smart._

"I came to see Dad." He repeated, his eyes falling again.

"Why?" Jasper asked defensively. "I don't think he needs you rubbing his face in—"

"Jas," I murmured, hugging him briefly. "Let him talk."

Emmett gave me a small smile and nodded to one of the benches at the side of the building. I nodded, and together, we all sat on the bench, me leaning against Jasper's side and facing my brother. It was ironic, sadly. I was always between them, always a buffer, a link. I wondered if I weren't around, if it would've been possible for Emmett and Jasper to actually be _friends_… if they weren't too busy trying to protect me from each other.

Emmett leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together, and I noticed for the first time how tired and drawn he looked, as though he could've used a good year's worth of sleep.

"I… uh… I started going to Therapy a few months ago." He looked up and off into the distance, as though the admission pained him. "And Anger Management… because I learned a few things about myself that I'm not proud of." He heaved a sigh and looked back at me. "I wanted to protect you. From everything… and somewhere in that, I forgot that you were a person, and not just an extension of me. I started coming to see Dad in August."

My eyes widened at that. "He never mentioned—"

"I asked him not to." He whispered. "I didn't… I didn't want to get your hopes up just yet, but my Psychologist thought it might be a good idea."

"Psychologist?" I asked.

He nodded, his eyes falling again. "After you moved out, I kept going to Carmen. I was pissed and I wanted vindication and she wouldn't give it to me… and she suggested maybe I should talk to a Psychologist, so she made me an appointment with Doctor Kebi Taylor." He leaned back again and chewed his lip for a minute. "She helped me realize a lot of things… and I am _so sorry_." His voice cracked at the end and I noticed his eyes filling with tears. "I know you think I always chose Rose over you, and I understand why you think that, but I didn't. Not always. I-I wanted you to move in with me so that I could watch out for you, keep you healthy, and she didn't want that. She didn't think it was good for you, but I told her we were a package and she had to deal with it." He nodded at Jasper. "She knew what you needed better than I did, because that's why Jasper moved in too."

I turned to find Jasper looking as shocked as I felt.

"I wanted to just bottle you up and keep you safe on a shelf where you couldn't get hurt, but I know you can't live that way. I get that now. And…" he huffed a breath and licked his lips. "I'm not saying I'm better, or that I won't fuck up, because I will… but Sage, you're my _sister_. And I love you."

I covered my mouth and sobbed, earning me another squeeze from Jasper before I lunged for Emmett and hugged him fiercely. "Y-you promise?" I hiccupped.

"I promise." He whispered into my hair. "I'm gonna keep working on my Therapy and my Anger Management, and I'm going to work on _listening_ to what you want and need from me. I just don't want to lose you. Us McCarty's have to stick together."

I sobbed again and hugged him tighter, nodding my agreement.

After several long minutes, we broke apart, and Emmett gave me a nervous smile. "You wanna go see Dad with me? Or is it something you'd prefer to do alone?"

I smiled through my tears. "I'd love for you to join us, Emmett."

Emmett gave Jasper and I a moment to talk in private while he waited by the entrance to the prison. It was a good thing, too, because Jasper looked as though he were attempting to swallow a porcupine.

"You think I'm stupid for giving him a chance." I murmured softly, not at all offended.

He shook his head. "No. I just don't want him to cause a back slide if he can't follow through. You're my only concern. If ya'll get along, if having him around is a positive influence, I'm all for it."

"You'll be there to catch me." I replied, giving him a small smile.

"Always will be." He agreed, kissing my forehead. "I love you." He grimaced and sighed, "But I can't just drop my guard with him. Not at the drop of a hat."

"I love you too, Jas. And I don't expect you to." I sighed and stood up, brushing off the seat of my jeans before holding out my hand to him. "Come on. We've kept my dad waiting."

Jasper decided to stay in the waiting area and allowed Emmett and I some time together with Dad. When he stepped through the gate and caught sight of us together, I thought his eyes might actually roll out of their sockets.

"Well," he muttered, plopping down across from us. "This is a surprise." He inclined his head toward Emmett and cocked an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't want her to know."

Emmett shrugged, suddenly looking like a scared child. "Doctor Taylor was supportive… and I really wanted to see her."

"Sitting right here." I grumbled.

"Sorry, Baby Girl. Your brother and I have had a lot of conversations about you in recent weeks."

I quirked an eyebrow at Emmett. "How often have you been coming down?"

"Every weekend." He admitted. "Rose told me you guys usually come for the earlier visiting hours, so I was coming to the afternoon hours."

"Wow. How long did it take you to speak civilly?"

Emmett and Dad both grimaced at that. "Emmett's been angry for a very long time, Sage… and he's got a right to his anger. It still baffles me that _you're_ not angry."

I shrugged. "I don't remember anything to be angry over. I never remember you being drunk, just that Emmett said you were. I remember good things."

"Like what?" Emmett asked quietly. "Give me a good memory."

I thought for a moment, leaning on my elbows on the picnic table. "How about my seventh birthday… remember? Dad took us to Disneyland and I was too small for any of the cool rides and I could only ride the Teacups? He rode those all day with me." Emmett nodded, a ghost of a smile forming. "Or the first anniversary of Mom's death? Remember, we took flowers to the cemetery, and then we made tacos and queso and sat and watched old home movies all night while he told us stories about how he and Mom met? That was great. Or my tenth birthday? He rented that bounce house and we had a water balloon fight, and then we drove out to the Bay and had lobster."

Emmett smiled a little. "Yeah, I remember that."

"How about your fourteenth birthday, Em?" I prodded. "Remember? We played laser tag and had an ice cream party. We all ended up spraying the whipped cream all over the place—and then it was all over the linoleum floor—and we slipped and slid all over the place. It took us hours to clean the kitchen." He nodded again. "All those times he told us stories about Mom? So that we'd remember her and know who she was?" I pressed. "How he never let us forget her? Not one year. We always acknowledged her birthday and her passing."

His jaw was set, but he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I remember." He whispered hoarsely.

"Sage," Dad murmured and I looked at him. "You need to understand that I was drunk for most of that… and I know you were too young to realize it, but Emmett also remembers things differently because he was old enough to understand."

Emmett's face fell and he clasped his hands on the table. "We don't have to talk about that, Dad. That's not what we're here for."

"She needs to hear it eventually." Dad argued.

"She doesn't need to hear it now." Emmett countered. "I've just apologized, I'm trying to make amends… we don't need to do this now."

I was suddenly so proud of him. Before I moved out, Emmett would've never spared my feelings by brushing off Dad's flaws like that, he would've pointed them out one right after the other, brow-beating me into submission.

"Maybe it's something we could discuss with Doctor Cullen? Or Doctor Taylor?" I offered.

"Yeah, maybe." He agreed softly. "Maybe you can remind me of some of the good stuff?"

I grinned at that. "I'd like that. I'd like that a lot."

We spent the rest of the hour talking to Dad about things that would need to be taken care of when he passed. Dad had been so surprised when Emmett began visiting, he hadn't even thought to mention the Safe Deposit Box, or anything else.

"Do me a favor and just have me cremated." He grumbled toward the end. "I don't need to be taking up space, and the thought of worms crawling into my ears makes me nauseous."

"Dad, that's gross!" I cried, appalled by the visual.

Emmett, however, was laughing. "I have that same fear."

I rolled my eyes, just as the nasally-voiced woman came over the loudspeaker to announce visiting hours were over. "Just as an FYI, I wanna be embalmed and stuffed into a cushy, satin-lined coffin. Fire freaks me out."

I hugged my dad and kissed his cheek before stepping back and watching Emmett give him a brief, only slightly awkward hug.

We met Jasper in the waiting area and, without thinking, I immediately greeted him with a kiss, only catching myself as I rested back on my heels. I immediately cringed and glanced at Emmett out of the corner of my eye. Jasper was tensed, ready for an outburst that never came.

When I had the courage to actually _look_ at my brother, he was standing with his hands in his pockets, his eyes conveniently averted to the ceiling. His eyes darted to us and he shrugged. "It's gonna take some getting used to… but I'm OK."

"Wow. Progress." Jasper snarked.

"Jazz…" I warned.

"It's OK, Sage. I deserved that." Emmett sighed. He held out his hand and I watched as Jasper hesitated for a moment, watching it as though it were a snake preparing to strike, before extending his own hand and shaking Emmett's. "Thanks. For taking care of her."

"She does well for herself. I just remind her when she has trouble remembering."

"Yeah, well…" Emmett shifted to his toes and back again awkwardly. "I hope I'll get to see that."

"Darlin', we should get going. You wanted me to quiz you a few rounds tomorrow, and you can't be asleep all day." He murmured into my hair.

I nodded. "Yeah…" I looked to Emmett again, sad that we had to leave when he and I were actually _working_. "Do… Do you…" I huffed, flustered by my own ineloquence. "Rose and Amelia are supposed to come for dinner on Wednesday… do you think maybe you could make it? I know you work late and all, but—"

"I'd like that." He grinned, showcasing his dimples. "I'll be there."

I smiled and gave him an awkward hug before waving goodbye and walking hand-in-hand out to the truck with Jasper.

"You OK?" he asked once we were settled in and on the highway.

"Yeah… I'm a little…"

"Surprised? Flummoxed?"

I laughed and nodded, resting my head against his shoulder. "Maybe just a little? What about you?"

He shrugged and kissed my hair. "Just worried. You know me."

"Yeah… but I think if he's making a concerted effort… _really_ trying… then we should give him a chance."

"_We_?" he asked, slightly perplexed.

"Well, we're in this together, right? That means _we_ should give him a chance."

Jasper grinned and kissed my hair again. "Yeah, we'll give him a chance."

_**Jasper POV**_

Emmett really was trying. I had to give him that, because he truly was. He showed up on Wednesday just after Rose and Amelia, having come straight from the garage, and wasted no time in getting to know our apartment and how we were living these days.

He joined Sage in the kitchen to help chop vegetables and I could hear their murmuring, but was content with the fact that Sage seemed calm and was smiling, and so I kept my place on the couch with Amelia in my lap, playing Peek-a-Boo.

"He's asking her if she'll go to Therapy with him tomorrow." Rosalie whispered softly. "It's a really big step. Even I don't know what he talks about there."

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "How come you didn't tell us?"

She shrugged and leaned back against the arm of the sofa. "He didn't want me to. I think he was scared that if he just came right out and said he was in Therapy, before seeing if he could make any progress, it would just push her further away… he's really missed her, you know? After you guys left, I think he was a little lost... and then you admitted her and he felt vindicated for a while, because he thought you weren't taking care of her, but every time I told him how great she's been doing, it just seemed to drive the point home more that he needed help." She sighed and closed her eyes. "Things have been a lot better recently." Her eyes opened and she raised an eyebrow. "You're not buying it?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I'm just worried."

"You have every right to be."

"I want her healthy and happy. She's been making so much progress. She got into the Master's Program at Columbia."

"So you'll be moving when you graduate?"

"Maybe. Probably." I sighed. "If he's gonna do this, he's gotta be all-in, Rose. No half-assing it. He's got a lot of time to make up for, a lot of hurt to ease."

She nodded thoughtfully. "He knows that."

"I hope so."

Things did get rough for a while after that first Therapy session with Emmett, there were no two ways about it, and definitely no way around it. It took Sage a while to understand that Emmett wasn't simply trying to smear and muddle her good memories of Randall, but to try to help her understand why he'd been so angry.

Sage didn't remember things like Emmett hiding her in the linen closet when Randall came home drunk, or Emmett pretending to play Hide-n-Seek with her to keep her out of Randall's way when he'd had too much to drink. She didn't remember Emmett learning to braid pigtails or tie bows or coordinate her outfits so that she didn't look like a Dollar Store kid.

Likewise, Emmett didn't remember Randall telling them stories of how Mariah would always put him in his place when he needed it, or how she made him paint Emmett's nursery three times before the shade of blue was _just right_. He didn't remember Randall cheering him on at all of his PeeWee football games (of course Sage did, especially after she got clunked on the head with the ball one day and begged Randall to not make her go to any more—which he did, they just sat further up the bleachers).

And things weren't always easy. We'd begun having dinner with Rose and Emmett on Mondays, and they still came over on Wednesdays. Some days were better than others, and on the worst days, we had a Buzz Word: Rooster.

None of us ever said the damn word, so it made it easy… and it was _necessary_. There were a lot of hurt feelings on both sides for a few weeks, a few heated debates, and more than a few screaming matches that only ended when Rose or I called the Buzz Word. That was their signal to retreat and calm down, and they did.

They were both dedicated to it.

I think seeing Sage work her program, make progress, and be healthy was an encouragement for Emmett. They were finally communicating, and they finally both felt as though they were being heard, which was nice.

It probably also helped that Emmett, Rose, and Amelia were all staples in our weekly trips to the prison. We circulated ourselves out throughout the hour, Sage and I, Emmett, Rose, and Mimi; or sometimes Rose and I, so that Sage, Emmett, and Mimi could all have a family moment.

Once things began settling down again, the Buzz Word wasn't needed quite so much.

Things with Emmett and I, however, were moving much more slowly. It wasn't for lack of trying on his part, but more for lack of trying on _mine_, sadly.

We were both still as protective and defensive of Sage as ever, and obviously, some of his bull-headed attitude had rubbed off on me in the year and a half we'd lived together.

After the New Year, however, he surprised me by asking me to go to one of his counseling sessions with him. I'd been so stunned, I hadn't known what to say, and told him I'd get back to him.

When I told Sage that night, she'd simply asked if I intended to go.

"I don't know." I answered honestly.

"It's OK that you don't." she murmured softly. She was curled into my side, her head on my chest, her fingers dancing along my shoulder. "It's OK if you don't want to go."

I sighed and stroked her hair. "I just don't know what the hell he wants _me_ there for."

She kissed my chest and propped her chin on my shoulder so she could look at me. "Jas, how familiar are you with Al-Anon and other programs?" I shrugged and she gave me a small smile, barely visible in the dark of our bedroom. "You mean all this time I've been talking about working my program, and you've been completely clueless?"

"Not _completely_." I admitted grudgingly.

Sage sighed and kissed my chin. "It sounds like Em's trying to work steps four through nine with you." I raised an eyebrow and she smirked. "Step Four: Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself; Step Five: Admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs; Step Six: Be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character; Step Seven: Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings; Step Eight: Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all; Step Nine: Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."

"I'm not the one he hurt." I protested.

"He hurt you in indirect ways."

I groaned and rolled my eyes. "So, basically, you're telling me I should go."

"No." she murmured, laying her head down again. "I'm telling you to think about it."

"What if I don't go?"

"Then you don't."

"Why are you so laid-back about this?"

"Why are you stressing over it?" she countered.

I shrugged. "I dunno… because it's _Emmett_, and for as long as I can remember, he's wished I were dead."

"He's never wished you were dead, Jazz. He might've occasionally hoped you'd fall on your ass or get junk-punched, but he's never wished you dead."

I snorted a laugh at that. "Lovely."

"You've wished the same on him, don't deny it." She yawned and I stroked her hair again and kissed her forehead.

"Sleep. I'll figure it out."

"I know you will." She whispered.

I decided to go to Therapy with him. If you asked me why, I couldn't honestly tell you, except to cite blond hair and sea foam eyes. Somehow, Sage's continued upswing had become dependent (in my mind, at least) on Emmett's continued progress.

So I went.

It definitely didn't go as smooth as I envisioned it. When Sage rattled off all those steps from memory, I assumed I'd be met with an apologetic Emmett.

_Ha._

"You're arrogant."

"Wow, so glad we cleared that up." I mumbled.

Emmett shrugged. "When it comes to Sage, you're always arrogant. You know her best. I get it. You understand what goes on in her head, you know what she's thinking, how she's feeling. I get it… but did it ever occur to you that I wanted to know those things too?" I simply stared at him. "She's my sister. I wanted to be there for her."

"Then why weren't you? I was two thousand miles away for three years, then three thousand miles away, then _halfway around the world_."

"Because you were always _there_ no matter what!"

"Emmett, calm down." Doctor Taylor interjected soothingly. I liked her. She was short, with dark hair and eyes, and she always seemed so calm. I had to assume all Therapists had a calm exterior, otherwise, they'd suck ass at their job.

Emmett took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a minute. "I tried. I tried to help. I wanted to be there for her and she shut me out. Even when she wasn't throwing it in my face, it was like she was mocking me that you would've done it better… right."

"Please tell me we're not talking about the stuffed horse again."

"It's not about Ziggy, Jasper, it's about _Sage_! I-I…" he swore under his breath and looked to Doctor Taylor for assistance, but she simply nodded for him to continue. "I was jealous of you, OK?"

I choked and coughed a little at that. "Jealous of _me_? For what?"

"We went to Galveston, and for _months_ after we got back to Forks, everything she said had something to do with you. You shared her interests, you listened to her problems, you wrote her letters. She was so wrapped up in _you_. Everything was about you. And then when she finally got used to you being her friend and writing to her, she settled a little bit, but every time I made a wrong move, slighted her in some way, she ran crying to _you_."

"I'm her best friend, Emmett. It's what girls do."

"Sage isn't just any girl. She ran to you for protection and shelter."

"You weren't hearing her." I argued. "Emmett, do you realize I have over four hundred letters from Sage? _Four hundred_. I can count on one hand the number of times a letter _didn't_ mention you… but do you know what she repeated over and over again in her letters to me?" he shook his head slightly and I continued. "_I wish I could speak so that Emmett would listen. I'm just a little girl to him, and I think I always will be. I don't understand it, but I think he just doesn't like me._" His face fell at that. "I know you wanted to protect her. But somewhere in there, you made it seem to her that she wasn't worth listening to. _That_ is why she ran to me. Because she knew, no matter what, I would listen."

The session got easier from there. Emmett really was interested in making amends with me. We talked about why he'd tried so hard to break us up ("I wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces if you broke up") and why we'd kept it a secret for so long ("Sage was scared of how you'd react, and of damaging the relationship you were building") and what we _both_ wanted for Sage ("To be healthy and happy").

As we walked out of the Counseling Center, we shook hands.

"You got plans for dinner?" I asked.

We'd learned a lot about each other in that hour… I was ready to really make an effort with him.

Emmett shrugged. "Rose and Amelia are going to some Mommy And Me get together, so I figure I'll just grab something on the way."

I waved him off with a shake of my head. "Come on over. Sage and I were planning on making lasagna."

He looked only slightly uncomfortable, but nodded. "Thanks."

He followed me home and we walked up the steps to the apartment. "You do take good care of her, y'know." He sighed. "I used to hate you for it."

"And now?" I asked as I unlocked the door.

"Not so much." He admitted, though rather grudgingly.

I smirked and opened the door, shaking my head as I went. We froze inside the doorway as our eyes landed on Sage, standing in the middle of the living room, her face white as a sheet, her shoulders slumped, and her phone to her ear.

"Thank you." She whispered and hung up. She stared at us and we stared back, and a moment later, she drew in a shuddering breath and said, "He's gone." Before crumpling to the floor and sobbing.


	56. Til Kingdom Come

_**A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns it. I just like to play with Jasper… and the other characters.**_

_**This story is rated M for mature content, adult situations, and lemons. 18+ only, please.**_

_**Much love and gropes to my good friend, AbbyMickey24, for pre-reading and fan-girling over a little ole OC writer like myself (it still makes me giggle that I converted her).**_

_**Love, hugs, fluffy bunnies, and Peter howling like Chewbacca to my favorite Schwoogie-Muffin, HammerHips**_

_*****ANNOUNCEMENT/REMINDER*****_

_**I forgot to remind everyone in the last chapter, but Sage is nominated for Best Original/Other Character in the Sunflower Awards. Voting is open until May 24, 2011. I appreciate all of the votes! There are many MANY talented authors nominated, including my friends Tiffaninichole and EdwardsChipper. Don't forget to vote! http:/ www (dot) thesunflowerawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com/**_

_**Also, I totally brain-farted last week and forgot to mention that I am now a bona fide Jasper's Darlin'! You can find my posts under my penname, and I'm in charge of two segments (so far): Meet The Darlin's and Sunday Supper With The Whitlocks. MTD is posted every Thursday at 12:30AM EST, Sunday Supper is posted on the second Sunday of every month. Drop me a line, leave me a comment, whatever. Don't be shy! Also, if you have ideas for either of my segments, hit Contact Us at the top of the blog and send it my way. I'm always open to new ideas! You can check out the Jasper's Darlin's blog at www (dot) jaspersdarlins (dot) blogspot (dot) com.**_

Chapter 55: 'Til Kingdom Come

_Hold my head inside your hands  
I need someone who understands  
I need someone, someone who hears  
For you, I've waited all these years _

_For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come  
Until my day, my day is done  
And say you'll come and set me free  
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me_

-"'Til Kingdom Come" by Coldplay

_**Jasper POV**_

"_The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want._

_He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:_

_He leadeth me beside the still waters._

_He restoreth my soul:_

_He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake."_

I gripped Sage's hip tighter and hugged her, careful not to tug her away from Emmett, whose hand she was clasping so tightly, both their knuckles had gone white. Rosalie was on Emmett's other side, holding Amelia while leaning into his side, just as Sage was leaning into mine.

Sage's right hand clasped a perfect white rose that she was gripping equally as hard as Emmett's hand, and I was glad I'd had the forethought to break the thorns off the stem before the service.

"_Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,_

_I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;_

_Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me."_

It had taken everything I'd had to step back and allow Emmett to comfort Sage the night Randall passed. They needed each other in that moment, and Emmett hadn't disappointed.

He'd held her, even cried with her, and comforted her when she needed him most. He'd let me hold her for a good portion of the evening, but he was never far—always holding her hand.

When her sobs had quieted, he'd reminded her of a lot of good memories that Sage had had to remind _him_ of, assuring her the whole time that it would all be OK. She'd finally fallen asleep with her head resting on my thigh and my fingers tangled in her hair, her feet resting in Emmett's lap.

Even after I'd carried her to bed, he didn't leave. He sent Rose a text to tell her what had happened, then he slept on the couch, just in case Sage needed him.

Sage's shoulders shook with silent sobs and I pressed my lips to her hair and began whispering nonsense to her in hopes she'd calm down. I wasn't sure if it worked, but she turned her face into my black blazer and whimpered softly.

Emmett glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and gave me a small smile in thanks as he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"_Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;_

_Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over."_

Rosalie was staring at the black marble urn resting on a table at the foot and to the side of the nearly fifteen year-old grave, tears streaming down her face as she held a cold teething ring up for Mimi to chew on.

"_Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,_

_And I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever."_

The Minister stepped back and I released my grip on Sage so that she and Emmett could step forward. Together, they lifted the urn and gently lowered it into the small hole in the earth. They stood again together and Emmett lifted a handful of dirt and scattered it in the hole, Sage mimicking him.

Sage dropped the rose on top of the urn and they stepped back, joining Rose, Mimi, and I so that the hole could be filled.

When all was said and done, the Minister excused himself, parting with a pat on the shoulder and an apology for the loss for both Emmett and Sage.

After several moments of silence, Rose and I went to wait by the truck, allowing brother and sister to say goodbye in private.

It was murder.

I wanted to be there with her, but I knew that at that moment, Sage needed Emmett. They'd come so far together, and I knew that as much as Sage loved me and needed me, only Emmett was capable of truly understanding getting a parent back only to lose them again.

"I feel like I lost my dad all over again." I whispered. "Is that weird?"

"No." Rose assured me. "Because he loved you like a son, before he even met you."

"Is it weird that I kept hoping that he'd beat the odds?"

She shook her head before resting it against my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "You wanted her to have him for as long as possible. We were lucky, you and I."

I cocked my head to look down at her and she responded with a small smile. "I lost my dad before I ever knew him… in a way, it sucks because I don't know what I missed out on, but it's a blessing too. You lost John when you were four… you had some time with him, but I know you don't really remember him." She nodded to our loves. "They have memories… good and bad. He was taken from them once, only for them to get him back and immediately lose him again. How is that fair?"

"It's not." I whispered hoarsely. "Life isn't fair."

She nodded and wrapped her arm around the middle of my back, hugging me gently. "I love you, you know."

I smiled and hugged her back. "I love you too."

"You think she'll be OK?"

"She'll muddle through. She's got the tools." I answered. "She's been working hard for months, I won't let her stop now. What about him?"

"I think he feels really guilty. I think he wishes he hadn't alienated Randall for so long, and he's contending with that."

Emmett began walking back to us, leaving Sage alone at the graves.

While Randall had requested he be cremated, Mariah McCarty had simply been buried. Neither Sage nor Emmett had felt comfortable with having an urn of their father's ashes sitting around the house, and so they'd come to the decision together to bury him at the foot of their mother's grave.

"She wants a moment to herself." Emmett murmured, taking Amelia from Rose's arms. "I think she had a few things she wanted to say to him privately… bare her soul and all that." He kissed Rose's cheek before kissing Amelia's forehead and hugging her to him. He looked at me and sighed. "She's got an appointment with Doctor Cullen tomorrow at three… and Charles at four."

"Yeah, she told me. I think she's worried about slipping." I replied.

"She'll be fine. We'll all take care of her."

Rose and I nodded in agreement.

"Do me a favor and make sure she schedules a follow-up with them." He continued. "I have to drive down to Lompoc tomorrow to collect Dad's things… it might be difficult for her."

I hummed in agreement, never taking my eyes off my girl. "You have to clean out his Safe Deposit Box."

"There's a lot to do… he didn't have a Will after he went in, so we've got to sort through a lot of stuff. I don't want her on overload."

"What about you?" I asked, realizing too late that I sounded defensive.

Instead of retorting, Emmett shrugged. "I'll see Doctor Taylor when I get back. I'm sure I'll be seeing a lot of her for a while… but I want to make sure Sage doesn't slip."

"I know. I'll take care of her."

"I know you will."

Sage knelt down in the soft grass and touched her fingertips to the freshly turned dirt. A moment later, she stepped to the head of the grave and touched the headstone. I could tell she was speaking, but we were too far away to hear even a murmur on the wind.

She stepped back a moment later and I could tell she was waiting for me, so I strode between the headstones and wrapped an arm around her, smiling slightly as she leaned into me again.

"You ready?" I whispered.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready." I kissed her hair again and led her back to the truck. "Emmy? You OK?" she whispered.

It had been a long time since she'd called him Emmy, and I could tell it made him happy to hear her say it. It was a name she used when they were getting along, when they were really _brother and sister_, not just two people who shared DNA and a name.

"I'll be fine, Sagey." He whispered back. "You?"

"I'll be fine." She echoed.

"Shall we?" Rose asked and we all nodded in agreement, climbing into our cars.

We tailed Rose and Emmett back to their place and took up residence on the couch, watching Amelia crawl in stunted spurts across the floor.

"Any word from Charlie?" Rose murmured.

Sage shrugged. "He and Bella are flying in tomorrow. They're short-handed at the station since it's just after the New Year. Deputy Mark's on Paternity Leave… It sucks, but they'll be here eventually."

"He was really upset that he couldn't come sooner." I added.

Emmett nodded in understanding. "Charlie may have been Mom's brother, but he and Dad were really close. All those hobbies in common."

"You mean like dragging me out into the middle of the ocean in a crappy little junker of a boat and insisting I try to catch a fish?" Sage asked, her tone slightly lighter than it had been in days.

"You mean using you as Shark Bait? That's what you always called it." Emmett agreed, laughing. "I've never seen you cry so hard! You were so scared of _Jaws_ coming to eat you. I don't even know where you got the idea in your head."

"I watched _Jaws_ the night before." She answered simply. "I thought it would prepare me for deep-sea fishing."

He rolled his eyes at that. "Good job on that one."

"I was eight. I never said it was bright."

"It was probably the only _dumb_ thing you've ever done in your life." Rosalie chuckled. "Seriously? _Jaws_?"

"I was eight! I thought it was a documentary!"

At that, we all collapsed in laughter, not caring that Mimi was looking at us as though we'd gone insane.

When we quieted down, Emmett drew in a shuddering breath and asked, "What about the time you decided you were aerodynamically sound and wanted to fly?"

"Oh God!" Sage cried, burying her face in my shoulder as she laughed. "And he convinced me I needed real wings and stuff."

Emmett nodded enthusiastically. "Sage was five, and she only had Kindergarten for a half-day, so I got home from school and Dad's got these old wicker fan blades strapped to her arms, and he found an old feather boa Mom had used one Halloween and plucked feathers off it and used some fake eyelash glue to stick them to Sage's face. Her nose was orange because of some finger paint, because he'd insisted she needed to look as much like a bird as possible. She looked like some deranged flamingo or something."

Rose giggled. "What'd you do when you didn't fly? Seems like a lot to go through to come up short."

"What do mean I didn't fly?" Sage asked. "I flew."

He nodded again. "She did. Dad carried her around for hours, letting her fly… and when his arms got tired, he stuck her horizontal in the old tire swing and I pushed her. Oh! Make the sound! Make the sound!"

Sage's cheeks burned bright pink, but she sat forward and cleared her throat. "Ca-CAW! Ca-CAW!" she imitated a crow, flapping her arms wildly, forcing us all to laugh even harder.

"A deranged flamingo that sounds like a crow. Awesome." I chuckled.

"Hey, that sound was very important. It was the key to my whole flying superpower." She giggled. We were all laughing so hard, I was sure everyone was having trouble breathing. Eventually the laughter began to die down until there were half-hearted chuckles interspersed with gaps of silence. "I miss him."

_**Sage POV**_

"You're quiet today." Charles warned.

"Got nothing to say." I puffed as I followed him up the bluffs again.

"Bull."

"Honest." I shrugged. "What do you want me to say, Charles? That I miss him? That I'm mad he's dead? I'm not closing myself off. I've done my emotional inventory."

"And?"

"The shelves are not empty. I miss him and I'm pissed. I feel like I just got him back and he's gone. It doesn't change it, so I have to deal with it." I huffed, plopping down on the edge of the cliff and taking a long pull from my camelback.

He sat down next to me and leaned back, resting on his hands. "You're conscious of the Five Stages?"

"_Denial_: an assertion that something said, believed, alleged, et cetera, is false; _Anger_: a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; _Bargaining_: to come to an agreement, make a bargain; _Depression_: the state of being depressed; _Acceptance_: the act of assenting or believing. _DABDA_ for short."

"Smart ass." He grumbled.

"Better than a dumbass."

Charles rolled his eyes and rocked forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Just because you can recite and define, doesn't mean you're moving through them."

"Well, I guess we'll see, won't we?"

"Why are you being so nonchalant?"

I shrugged. "I just remember a passage of the Bible, and I think it applies."

He cocked an eyebrow at that and narrowed his eyes. "And that would be?"

"_These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold - and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world._" His eyebrows shot up and I grinned. "First Peter, Chapter One, Verse Seven."

"And when did we get religious?"

"We didn't." I laughed. "But if there is some Higher Power looking over my shoulder, it's nice to think he's not going to give me more than I can handle."

He sighed at that, but gave me a small smile. "He never gives you more than you can handle."

"When did _you_ get religious?" I queried.

"_I've_ always been religious. I just don't _broadcast_ it. It's not up to me to tell you what to believe." He shrugged and then stood up. "C'mon. Don't you have to get home? Something about Emmett?"

"Yeah." I murmured, joining him, and we slowly began the trek down the bluffs. "I may need to work a bit harder in the coming weeks…" I was ashamed to admit I was full of angst over what going through Dad's effects might mean for my stability. "I might need you."

"You know how to get me. Phone, e-mail… just walk in if you need to. We'll work it out." He assured me, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

I had time to shower and change clothes before Emmett arrived from Lompoc, and Rose walked in a few minutes after, toting Amelia in a Moby Wrap.

"I figured Jasper and I could go for a walk. Give you two some time to yourselves." She replied when I quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Stay." I replied.

"You sure?" Jasper asked as he came out of the office. "This is a private matter."

I shrugged. "Dad thought of you both as his, I don't think it'd be right otherwise."

Emmett nodded in agreement as he set a large cardboard box on the coffee table. "I agree. Stay."

We settled onto the couch, Rose and Jasper on the ends and Emmett and I in the middle while Amelia crawled around on the floor. Emmett opened the box and then paused.

"There wasn't much in the way of personal effects from Lompoc." He warned. "He kept a journal… drew a few pictures…" he pulled out a fat, leather-bound journal with a leather chord wrapped around it to keep it closed, and handed it to me. "Figured maybe we could read that together sometime." I nodded and he handed me a lone photograph. "That was under his pillow."

I looked at it carefully and smiled. I remembered when it was taken, shortly before Mom's passing, but before she'd been bedridden in the hospital, covered in tubes and machines. I was only six, Emmett was eleven. I'd just lost my two front teeth and had a huge gap when I smiled.

Mom was gaunt and yellowed from jaundice, her mostly bald head covered in a turquoise scarf, and she was wearing a black dress and pearls. Dad was hugging her tightly with one arm while holding me on his hip with the other while I leaned down to wrap an arm around Emmett's neck and hug him, his hands holding onto my forearm to help keep me balanced. I was dressed in checkerboard spandex capris with a yellow midriff top with checkerboard puff sleeves, and hot pink suspenders, with my hair in a French under-braid and a black fedora perched on my head, jazz shoes on my feet.

Uncle Charlie had taken the picture.

Ironically, I couldn't remember a single picture taken after Mom died. Not like that one. There were pictures here and there that I remembered, but none of us so happy and carefree, even if Mom was slowly dying.

"I remember this." I whispered. "My dance recital. We danced to _Sunny Side of the Street_."

"The doctors told Mom she should try to rest as much as possible, but she was bound and determined she was going to see you dance." Emmett nodded, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "That was just before the finale. It was your favorite of all your costumes, so we got a picture… and as soon as it was taken, Mom had to rush you back to get you changed for the Can-Can."

"They had six year-olds dancing the Can-Can?" Rose asked, suddenly amused.

Emmett nodded, grinning. "Sage was in the Junior Company, and she was the youngest. The oldest girl was about seventeen, I think."

"Sixteen." I corrected. "And I didn't want to dance anymore after that recital. It was too much pressure."

"You were in four parades in under six months. I think anyone would've been a little worn out."

Before he could stop himself, Jasper began laughing. "So… if you were so good at dancing, how come you trip over thin air?"

We all laughed at that and I shook my head. "I dunno. Maybe I have to be dancing to have any semblance of grace." I put the picture down on the coffee table and tilted the box toward us, extracting a long, thin jewelry case. I popped the top and smiled. "Mom's pearls."

Emmett shook his head. "Those are Gran-Gran's." I quirked an eyebrow, wondering how he knew they were Grandma McCarty's. "The clasp, see?" he pointed to the plain jewelry clasp. "Mom's have a lock and peg… the lock's shaped like an orchid." He dug around in the box again and pulled out an almost identical jewelry case, flipping it open. "See? These are Mom's."

I took the box from him and compared the necklaces. Aside from the clasps, the strands were nearly identical. I took a deep breath and handed Gran-Gran's to Rosalie. "You should have these."

She inhaled sharply and shook her head. "No. No, Sage, I can't take those!"

"Sure you can. I'd like to keep my mom's if that's OK… but Gran-Gran would've probably given them to you anyhow if she'd ever met you… and she always said every McCarty woman should have a good string of pearls."

Rosalie's eyes filled with tears and she took the box with shaking hands. "Thank you." She whispered softly.

There were a few more pieces of jewelry, Mom's wedding set, which Emmett insisted I keep; a few broaches that obviously belonged to Grandma Swan; Dad's wedding band, which Emmett pocketed; a bracelet of Mom's that had Emmett's and my birthstones dangling like charms, which I kept; and an old silver pocket watch that neither of us recognized.

Emmett opened the cover of the watch and frowned. "Matthew James McCarty. That name ring a bell?"

"Not even a little." I admitted, sifting through more of the contents. "What's this?" I asked, pulling out a large piece of paper that had been folded several times. I unfurled it and felt my eyes widen. "Family tree. Pretty in-depth too, by the looks of it. Look, it's got everyone's birthplace and death place on it." I quickly scanned to see if I could find this mysterious watch's owner and found him. "Matthew McCarty was Dad's Great-Grandfather." I pointed out his name. "It says he died on April sixth, eighteen-sixty-two in Hardin County, Tennessee." My brow furrowed at that. "Why's that familiar?"

Jasper leaned forward to examine the date and place over my shoulder before tapping my Great-Great-Grandfather's name. "Battle of Shiloh." Emmett and Rose raised eyebrows with that response. "The Battle of Shiloh, also known as the Battle of Pittsburg Landing. Part of the Civil War. Lasted two days."

"Wow." Emmett breathed. "So he fought and died in the Civil War. Wonder what side he was on."

"The Union, probably." I murmured. "He was born in Hadley, Pennsylvania."

Jasper feigned disgust at that. "I can't be with you anymore. _Yankee_."

"Kiss my Yankee ass, Whitlock." I laughed, shoving him lightly. I reached back into the box and pulled out a small stack of pictures kept together by a rubber band. Upon further examination, I realized the stack wasn't nearly as thick as I'd originally thought—there were small pieces of paper between each picture to keep them from adhering to and ruining each other.

The first picture was one of Emmett and I when I was an infant. The next was of Mom holding me while Emmett held my tiny hand and I looked at him in confusion.

The third picture had my brow furrowing in confusion. I recognized the two people in the picture, but I hadn't any idea it had ever been taken. There, sitting on a couch I recognized as the ugly green paisley of my childhood, was a very, _very_ young Jasper—cradling an infant me.

"Randall told me these were in here." Jasper murmured, taking the picture from me to reveal another of him smiling down at me with the tip of his nose touching mine. "Mom took us to visit when you were about a month old." He added, kissing the top of my head as I flipped to the next picture, which showed Jasper hugging me while I nuzzled my face into his neck.

Rose grinned and pulled the picture toward her a little. "Wow. Prophetic."

"Very." Emmett agreed. "I don't remember this at all."

"Neither do I." Rose and Jasper agreed in unison.

"Obviously, neither do I." I sighed, flipping to the next picture. I snorted and laughed. "Talk about prophetic." I handed Emmett the picture and he grinned down at his five year-old self kissing Rose's cheek as she blushed.

We flipped through the pictures a few more times and divided them up, taking a few of each other to add to our albums and scrapbooks, before Emmett cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably.

"I stopped by the bank. We can't get the money unless we're both there to sign off on it, but they did let me check the balance. There's a little over a million in the account."

My eyes went wide and I felt the blood leave my face. "A _million_?"

He nodded slightly. "Yeah… Mom's insurance was for seven hundred and fifty thousand…"

_I guess Dad wasn't lying when he said the account had a nice interest rate._

_Wow…_

"So I was thinking we'd go tomorrow and transfer the money out?"

I nodded, my eyes flicking back to the picture of Jasper holding me. "Yeah… we can do that."

And we did.

The following day, Emmett and I went down to the bank and had the money divided up and transferred between our two savings accounts.

"Guess you can finally replace your car." He chuckled nervously.

I shrugged and climbed into the Jeep as he buckled himself in. I hadn't yet told Emmett about Columbia… Rose had agreed to let me do that.

"I don't want to waste the money." I murmured.

Emmett shot me a confused look as he reversed out of the parking spot and steered us toward the highway. "You don't want a car?"

"Ummmm…" I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes. "I probably won't need one next year."

"Why not?"

I chewed my lip for a moment and then sighed. "Because I got into the Master's Program at Columbia… and Jasper and I are on-track to graduate in December."

Honestly, I'd expected Old Emmett to rear his ugly head. Not only was I planning to further my Journalism education, but I was going to move three thousand miles away to do it.

Instead, he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Congratulations."

I quirked an eyebrow. "That's it?"

"You want me to yell?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"I'm proud of you… and I know you've worked hard for it. I'm bummed that you'll be moving, but maybe it's a good thing? Maybe we need a bit of distance… I don't want to stop trying though."

"I don't either." I agreed.

Emmett nodded and licked his lips. "So… your birthday's next week. Twenty-one. Kind of a big deal."

"I don't want a big thing, Em."

"You don't want to celebrate?" he asked quizzically.

"No, I do… just a small thing… maybe dinner?"

Emmett grinned and nodded. "We can do that."

"With Peter and Char?" I pressed.

At that, he pulled a face, but shrugged it off. "Yeah, sure."

My birthday was indeed low-key, especially considering Peter was involved. Rosalie made reservations at _La Dolce_, including ordering a few bottles of champagne so everyone could toast my birthday.

The presents were perhaps the most surprising. Emmett and Rosalie had given me a one thousand dollar gift Visa, citing the fact that I didn't own a true winter wardrobe, and would need one when we moved to New York.

Peter and Charlotte had taken the liberty of finding a small ranch out in Hempstead, New York, and paid for accommodations for Diablo for two years. They were planning to follow us cross-country to tow the horse trailer, and once we were settled, drive back to Napa.

Jasper finally found an excuse to buy me the custom guitar I'd turned down two years ago, and I smiled like an idiot when I saw the glossy hot pink finish and neon purple pick guard with my name embossed in silver.

I did end up having more sessions than normal with Charles, working the bag, running, and he began introducing me to Judo to add to my Rage Exercises. I was dealing especially well, considering how easy it would've been for me to back slide.

By the time Spring Break rolled around, I'd been able to maintain my upswing, as well as my progress with Emmett, and Jasper had gotten his acceptance into Columbia's Master's History Program.

We'd both already begun work on our Senior Theses and only took a break to fly down to Las Vegas for Peter and Char's wedding.

Charlotte had picked an Egyptian blue one-shoulder, tea-length dress for me to wear, and had matched Jasper's dress shirt to it perfectly.

"What do you think?"

I glanced at him in the mirror and smiled as I finished fastening my mother's pearls around my neck. "Handsome." I replied coyly, doing my best not to rip the gunmetal gray suit off of him.

He tugged at the collar, which was already loose, since he had the first two buttons undone and the gray tie was hanging loose in its Windsor knot, and pulled a face. "I hate ties."

"I'll make a note." I replied, checking that the back of my hair was smooth and the bun was elegant, no bobby pins sticking out. With a sigh, I turned and shrugged my shoulders. "Well? What do you think?"

Jasper raised an eyebrow and took a step toward me, tilting his head to the side. He raised a hand and tapped a finger to his chin as he took another step, before saying, "I dunno… Something's off." My hands immediately flew to my hair and I spun to double-check my makeup. "No, not that." He sighed, appearing behind me.

"Then what?" I asked, suddenly agitated by his cryptic bullshit.

He smiled and turned me to face him, keeping my chin in his hand to keep me from turning to try and check the mirror again. "You need something…" he pulled a small red satin box out of his pocket and opened it before I could protest.

Inside, nestled in the black velvet, were two pearl studs.

"You need earrings."

"Jazz," I breathed, running a finger over one of the smooth earrings. "Where did you—"

"My mom's." he answered softly. "One of the few things I managed to smuggle out of the house before I left."

"Shouldn't Rose have these?" I asked incredulously.

"No. She has most of Mom's jewelry. The only thing I asked for was these, so I could give them to you… and she agreed with me."

My eyes filled with tears and I bit my lip as he kissed me tenderly.

Just as things were heating up, a banging came on the door, followed by Peter's voice yelling, _"Come on, Lovebirds! Time to go get me hitched! And Char still needs a little help!"_

_Of course, Peter's timing is absolute shit._

_And he sounds peeved._

For the past two months, Charlotte had insisted they stay in separate rooms until the wedding. According to Jasper, Peter was definitely upset to not get any play. He was angered even further when we'd split up the previous night for the Bachelor/Bachelorette parties…

Jasper had taken Peter to the Luxor Casino to gamble the night away, while Charlotte and I had gone to a spa for a girl's day and followed it up with a Chippendales performance at one of the only male strip clubs I could find.

Neither of the guys had been happy that we'd gotten back to the hotel at four in the morning, looking incredibly disheveled, clothes splotched with body oil, and pocketbooks missing about two hundred singles apiece.

I'd simply blamed Charlotte and left it at that, promising that all my ones had been placed at the _hip_ of the G-strings, and not anywhere near the naughty bits. I had a feeling there would've been a few dead male strippers if I'd had my hands near anyone else's junk.

Sighing, I detached myself from Jasper and went to let Peter in. He was scowling, but he looked very, very nice in his scarlet dress shirt, gunmetal gray suit, and black tie.

"Just a minute." I grumbled as Jasper handed me the earrings and I fastened them in quickly. "Alright. I'll go see to Char and we'll meet you at the chapel."

I kissed Jasper once more and grabbed my clutch, shoes, and room key before padding down the hall to Charlotte's suite. I knocked once and she opened the door immediately.

"Thank God!" she cried, grabbing my wrist and yanking me into the room. "Zip me up, please!"

She turned and I fastened the hook and eye closure at the top back of the dress before zipping it closed.

She'd opted for a white strapless, tea-length dress with the same flare in the skirt as mine, her hair done in a French twist.

"I'm getting married." She whispered.

"In about an hour, so long as we get out of here soon." I agreed, straightening her diamond necklace.

She nodded softly. "You've got the rings?" I opened my clutch and pulled out both boxes, flipping them open quickly to show her I did. "The flowers! Oh God, I forgot to get the flowers!" she yelled suddenly, slapping her palm to her forehead.

"Easy!" I cried, pulling her hand away. "Peter got the flowers this morning, remember? You told him at breakfast."

"Oh, thank God." She huffed, slouching slightly. "OK. I'm ready."

"You nervous?"

"No." she answered quickly, but she seemed paler than usual.

"Charlotte?"

"I'm not nervous… just… nauseous."

I frowned. "Why are you nauseous? Is breakfast not sitting well? Do you need me to call a…" I trailed off as the corner of her mouth hitched into a half-smile. "Charlotte Abigail," I gasped. "Are you?"

"Am I what?" she asked innocently, but the full-blown smile she flashed me told it all.

"You're pregnant!" I screamed, bouncing up and down.

"Duh!" she yelled back, hugging me tightly.

"Congratulations! How far along? Does Peter know? When're you due?"

"Easy, Sug, easy!" she laughed, pulling away from me. "Thank you. Eight weeks. Yes. The end of November." And then her face turned serious. "Don't tell Peter I told you. He wanted to wait until after the wedding, but I just can't keep it to myself any longer."

"Got it." I giggled.

With that out of the way, I slipped on my silver pumps and we headed downstairs to the limousine Peter had rented for us. He and Jasper would take our rental car, and Peter and Char would take the limo after the ceremony while Jasper and I took the rental back to the hotel.

As soon as we arrived at the Little White Wedding Chapel, I secured Charlotte in the bridal suite and flew down the hall to the groom's suite to check on the boys.

Peter was pacing and nearly knocked me over as I entered. Jasper was fiddling with a boutonniere made of a single white rose and blue veronicas, and I could tell he was severely confused as to how to attach it.

"I'm trying to remember how you did this, Sweetie, but I can't for the life of me." He grumbled, handing me the flowers.

I snickered and pinned it to his lapel before grabbing the other and stopping Peter's pacing long enough to get it on him. Once done, I grabbed the small bouquet of blue veronicas surrounded by a halo of white roses (mine) and the large bouquet of white roses haloed by blue veronicas. Charlotte had wanted the flowers to stand out against our dresses, while still keeping the colors.

"See you out there." I told Peter, giving him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. I turned to Jasper and handed him the ring box with Charlotte's wedding band.

By the time I got back to Charlotte, she was sipping a glass of water and double-checking her hair and makeup. "They ready?"

"Yep." I sighed and opened the door as a knock sounded.

The elderly woman smiled and nodded toward the foyer. "They're ready." She said, indicating that her husband, the Pastor, and the boys were at the altar.

"Ready?" I asked, turning back to Char.

She nodded and accepted her bouquet from me before following me down the hall to the closed double doors to the chapel. She stood off to the side as the doors opened and I made my way slowly down the aisle, smiling at Jasper as he winked at me.

Once I was at the altar, I turned and Charlotte entered, looking radiant as she practically waltzed to Peter's side.

The vows were simple and short, but both Peter and Charlotte were crying by the end, and I was furiously blinking back tears in an attempt to keep from smudging my eyeliner and mascara.

When the Pastor finally told Peter to kiss his bride, both Jasper and I burst out laughing as he dipped her so low her head nearly touched the floor and proceeded to give her the loudest, sloppiest kiss I'd ever witnessed.

Jasper and I signed off as witnesses and then we all proceeded out to the parking lot and the waiting limo.

"You're so beautiful." I whispered as I hugged Charlotte.

"You're next." She giggled and I rolled my eyes before pulling away to see Peter and Jasper exchanging a manly hug.

I hugged and congratulated Peter as Jasper hugged Char, and he whispered, "You have to come visit when we get back to Napa."

"We will." I assured him, releasing him.

"Well," Peter sighed. "I hate to cut this short, but I haven't been laid in two months and I've got plans for my blushing bride." I rolled my eyes again, and he grinned. "Oh, and we're pregnant. Later!"

He pulled Charlotte into the limo before either of us could respond, and they sped away.

"Did… he just say what I think he said?"

I giggled as Jasper wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck. "Yeah. He did."

"And you're not surprised."

"Nah. Charlotte let it slip before we left the hotel." I leaned back against him and closed my eyes as his hands came to rest on my stomach. "Feeling a little jealous?"

He chuckled in my ear and squeezed lightly. "No. Just looking forward to the future."

"Yeah." I grinned. "Me too."

_**End Note: *glances around* The next chapter will be the last regular chapter… and then comes the Epilogue. *begins having a panic attack* Leave some love, peeps, I need to know you'll still love me once this is all done!**_


	57. When I Fall In Love

_**A/N: I don't own it.**_

_**This story is rated M for mature content, adult language and situations, and lemons. If you are not at least 18, you should not be reading it.**_

_**No pre-readers this time, because I want EVERYONE to be surprised by how this goes.**_

_**As always, my Schwoogie-Muffin, HammerHips is the culprit behind making this story fit for human reading (jury's still out about non-humans).**_

Chapter 56: When I Fall In Love

_When I give my heart  
It will be completely  
Or I'll never give  
My heart  
And the moment I can feel that  
You feel that way too  
Is when I fall in love with you_

-"When I Fall In Love" by Nat King Cole

_**Sage POV**_

_Magna Cum Laude_.

Though we weren't walking with our class, since we were taking our graduation a full semester early, we'd purchased the navy blue caps and gowns, the gold and blue tassels, and the gold stoles to have our Graduation portraits taken.

We had the option of returning in the spring and sitting through Commencement with everyone else, but I'd begun planning a trip to the Hamptons for the day after Spring Semester ended, and neither of us felt the need to walk up on a stage to get a blank piece of paper, when our real diplomas would already be framed on the walls in New York.

Emmett was upset about it, and we'd had a heated argument over it. I understood his point. He wanted to see me walk and graduate. It took a bit more for him to understand mine: Jasper and I had been working tirelessly to graduate in three years, and we were headed straight for Grad School. We wanted to take a break for ourselves after the Spring Semester, before our required internships would kick in.

Jasper would be working as a Research Assistant at the American History Museum, on top of his Teaching Assistant duties, and his course load. I would be assisting the editor of the New York Times, plus my TA duties, and course load.

It was going to be hell, and we hadn't had a true vacation in far too long.

Eventually, Emmett resigned himself to the fact that he'd have to wait another three years to watch me walk at Commencement. He didn't like it, but he also didn't beat the subject to death… and he was happy that we at least had our portraits done.

Once we were done with school, Jasper and I had immediately flown out to New York City to find ourselves an apartment. It took us four hours.

Neither of us were willing to blow a chunk of money on a large apartment, so we'd simply decided to rent a one bedroom loft on Waverly Place, less than two miles from Central Park. We could've gotten closer to the campus, but it was only five miles total, and I really wanted to be as close to the artsy culture of SoHo as I could get.

Jasper simply shrugged and told me he wouldn't deny me, so we'd signed the lease, put down the deposit, first and last month's rent, and paid an extra five hundred dollars so that we could paint.

If I was going to be stuck in snow and slush and cold weather for three years, I was going to make damn sure my space was livable.

By the time we got back to San Francisco, we were exhausted. We'd spent our free time in New York just walking around, familiarizing ourselves, and taking in the sights.

_And oh fuck my life… the cold!_

I was insanely glad for the gift Visa to buy new clothes. I'd need sweaters and a heavier coat for sure, especially since I'd donated all of my winter clothes I'd had in Forks to Goodwill.

Emmett, Rose, and Amelia were waiting for us when we returned and insisted on taking us to dinner.

Instead of going to a restaurant, however, they took us back to their place for a surprise graduation party. Charlie, Bella, Ed_weird_, Peter, Char, and baby Allison were waiting to deluge us in confetti and laughed as I ducked behind Jasper just in time for him to take the brunt of it.

"Congratulations, Kid." Uncle Charlie grinned and pulled me into a hug. When he released me, I hugged Bella so that he could shake Jasper's hand, and then we were both sandwiched between Peter and Charlotte.

"We're so proud of you!" Charlotte cried.

"Can't… breathe!" I gasped as I attempted to un-smoosh my face from Peter's chest.

Emmett tugged me out of the crunch and hugged me tightly. "I'm really proud of you." He murmured.

I grinned and looked up at him. "Even though I won't walk in May?"

"Yeah. Even though." He agreed, hugging me again. "Time for your presents."

"You didn't have to."

"I know." He grinned. "But we all wanted to." He pulled me back to the door and pushed me through, guiding me quickly down the steps and across the parking lot to the other end, where there were no cars parked but one, covered in a tarp. "Sorry, but we couldn't exactly wrap it." He added as Rosalie rushed to the other side to help him remove the tarp.

I felt my eyes go wide as I saw what lay beneath. It wasn't mine. It was newer, and convertible, but it was pumpkin orange, just like my old one, with the same type of spoiler and a black canvas top.

"You… it's… I…"

Emmett snickered. "I think that's the first time in your adult life you've been at a loss for words."

"She has her moments." Jasper countered, kissing my forehead. "Happy graduation, Darlin'."

"You were in on this?" I shot him a mock-glare and he grinned.

"Well, I _may_ have helped them along with a few things."

"Peter and Charlotte have agreed to keep it up at the ranch for you while you're in New York… but you'll have it whenever you come to visit, and as soon as you're back for good, they'll drive it wherever you need it to be." Rosalie added, smiling as Peter leaned against the hood.

Emmett held out a key ring with the two standard flip-block keys Volkswagen was known for, as well as the valet key. "Wanna have a look?"

"Hell yes!" I cried, snatching them from him and unlocking the car. I climbed in and grinned as I realized they'd tried to get it as close to my old Beetle as possible, down to the black leather interior with orange racing stripes, the yellow and orange flowers near the wheel, and the custom orange rims.

The only real difference on the inside was the CD player, which was a multi-disc loader from the console, instead of a changer with the CD cartridge in the trunk.

"It's OK?" Emmett asked, looking worried.

"It's awesome, Emmy. Thank you." I replied, wiping my eyes before I started bawling. I climbed out of the car and hugged him, thanking him again before turning to hug and thank Rose.

"This is from us." Peter said, handing me an envelope. I quirked an eyebrow and opened it to find a stack of papers that looked like Greek to me. "That's a five year, hundred thousand mile warranty. You'll be gone for three years, and we'll take it for all its maintenance while you're gone, but this way you don't have to worry about that shit for a while after you get back."

I nodded, appreciating that it wouldn't just sit, but would get the oil changed frequently. "Thanks, guys." I hugged them both again.

Uncle Charlie cleared his throat and handed me another envelope. "It's for both of you. From Bells, Edward, and I."

"Thank you." Jasper and I murmured as I slit the envelope open and pulled out two tickets to the Broadway show _Spring Awakening_.

"Bella says it's a very good show." Edward added. "Apparently the music is phenomenal."

I grinned and nodded. "So I've heard. Thank you all." I hugged Charlie and Bella again, and then paused before giving Edward an awkward hug.

"Yes, thank you." Jasper agreed, hugging Bella and shaking hands with Charlie and Edward.

"What about Jasper?" Rosalie suddenly asked, shooting me a wink.

"Aw hell, people. I said don't get me anything." He groaned.

I laughed as everyone else smirked and Charlotte shrugged. "It was Sage's idea… we just sorta went in on it, Sugar."

Peter extracted another envelope from his back pocket and handed it to me so that I could pass it over my shoulder to Jasper.

"You don't listen very well, you know." He murmured into my hair as he opened the envelope and pulled out a picture of a dun-colored Kiger Mustang with a black mane and tail.

"His name's Rebel." I murmured as Jasper's arms tightened around me. "Peter helped me find him."

"Sage figured you needed your own horse to ride… since you won't be able to take one of ours." Peter added. "And since D's a 'Stang, I figured you might like them… Rebel's bigger than Diablo, a more manly horse."

"Don't insult Diablo." I growled, but Jasper's lips on my neck cut me off.

"Thank you." He whispered. "Thank you all."

We spent a few days before Christmas up in Napa to spend some much needed time with Peter, Charlotte, and Allison.

While Jasper spent the time getting to know Rebel, as well as helping Peter prep the trailer and the horses for travel, I busied myself by playing the spoiling Godmother to Allison, granting Charlotte a brief reprieve and a much appreciated nap.

"You look like your mommy." I whispered as I popped a bottle into her mouth. "You really do. All that blond hair. I thought babies all came out bald. Are you gonna have your daddy's eyes though? They look like they'll be dark. Yes, they do." I cooed, dancing slowly around the living room.

When the bottle was gone, I washed it out and set it aside, before taking Ally up again and walking out of the house and over to the barn.

"Wanna go see Daddy?" I whispered, smiling as she wrinkled her nose at me. "Let's go see Daddy!"

"Did I hear my name?" Peter asked, poking his head out of the barn and grinning at me. "There's my princess!" I passed her to him so he could greet her properly and then took her back so that he could pick up another hay bale and load it into the trailer. "It's gonna be a long ass drive." He grunted.

I nodded and started popping Ally lightly to keep her pacified as Jasper exited Rebel's stall and kissed my cheek. "We'll get through it." He replied before rubbing the tip of his nose against Allison's.

"Ew! You're all sweaty! Don't wipe it on her!" I chastised, trying to hide my smile.

"Eh, she needs a bath anyhow." Peter shrugged it off. "Don't tell Char about it though. She'll flip her postpartum lid." He shuddered. "That whole babies and germs thing… last week she was convinced that Ally's sniffles was a cold."

"Maybe it was." I shrugged.

Peter rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Women are all the same. Kid's gonna skin her knee and Char'll be convinced she's dyin'!" he threw his hands up in the air and wandered off as I smirked after him.

I felt my mouth curl into a full smile as Jasper's lips pressed against my shoulder. "You really do look good with a baby, y'know." He murmured softly. "You'll be a great mother someday."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, kissing his cheek softly. "And you'll be a great dad. _Someday_." I added the last bit with more emphasis than was truly needed.

As much as I wanted that future with Jasper, I wanted it to be just a _little_ bit more in the future. I could wait a few years to get knocked up. I intended to milk it for all it was worth. Swollen ankles and puffy cheeks and morning sickness and being able to yell that he'd never touch me again.

_Oh yeah. Totally gonna cut him off._

_Maybe…_

_ Possibly…_

_ Who am I kidding?_

_ Couldn't do it._

Jasper's lips found their way to the spot behind my ear and I giggled. "You're gonna make me drop Ally." I warned, kissing his cheek. "I'll see you in a bit. Char told me to wake her up at four."

I felt bad, because it always seemed _I_ was the one reaffirming that it would happen _someday_. Maybe it was selfish, but it felt as though I'd only just gotten Jasper back after years of separation, that the first year and a half of our romantic relationship had been a long, drawn-out battle… I wanted some actual _time_ with Jasper where it was just us, with no threat of Emmett looming over us, and no fighting with Emmett causing stress.

It didn't mean I didn't want a future with him… just that I wanted more time before _that_ particular future. Was that wrong?

Charlotte was waiting for us on the front porch, dressed in one of Peter's band T-shirts and a pair of cotton pants, her hair put up in a sloppy bun on the top of her head.

"I was just coming to wake you." I called as I mounted the steps and plopped down next to her, handing Ally over in the process.

She yawned and shrugged. "I only woke up about two minutes ago. No worries. I appreciate the break, Sug."

We stayed in California through January second. Neither Jasper nor I had wanted to be on the road before or during New Years, and Peter had agreed. Charlotte wouldn't be making the trip, since having Ally along would slow them down by several days with all the stops they would have to make. Kid couldn't stand a wet diaper. Sometimes she actually started crying _before_ she peed, as if it was a preemptive strike. Peter got pissed on once when he jumped the gun and changed her too soon. Needless to say, they gave Ally at least another three minutes before opening any diapers.

"That's the last of it." Jasper sighed, closing the tailgate on the truck.

I stood from where I'd been sitting on the curb and brushed off my pants. Peter was parked across three parking spots across from us, feeding Diablo and Rebel carrots in an attempt to keep them calm.

"You ready?"

I nodded and turned to see Emmett and Rosalie climbing out of the Jeep with Amelia.

"I was scared we'd miss you." Emmett sighed in relief. "Someone had trouble getting out of bed this morning."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and smacked his arm. "_You_ weren't the one waking up every two hours to hold an ice cube on Amelia's gums."

"True." He grinned. "So… this is it."

"Guess so." I answered, giving him a sad smile. "You'll come to New York for Thanksgiving?"

Emmett nodded. "And you'll be home for Christmas and New Years." His face turned serious again. "You'll call once a week?"

"At least. You'll keep working with Doctor Taylor?"

"Of course." His smile turned sad. "And you've got the names of the Psychiatrist and Therapist Doctor Cullen and Charles gave you?"

"Yup. Already have my first appointments scheduled."

"That's good."

"For fuck's sake, you two, just hug and say goodbye already." Rosalie groaned, forcing Emmett and I to laugh.

"Bye, Emmett." I whispered as he pulled me into a hug.

"Bye, Sage. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too." I choked. I didn't want to cry, but of course my tear ducts were against me. I moved on to Rose and Amelia as Emmett and Jasper shook hands. "I'll miss you, Rose. Thank you… for everything."

She smiled and gave me a wink. "Any time. We'll miss you around here… but I'll e-mail you pictures every month."

"You better." I laughed.

"Take care of her."

"Always have." Jasper nodded.

"Always will." Emmett agreed, clapping him on the back. "Alright, get on the road before I have a panic attack and rip the transmission out of the truck!" he cried and I took that as my cue to climb into my spot in the middle of the seat.

Jasper hopped in and closed the door, turned the truck on, and put it in gear as I waved. He backed us out of the slot, paused so we could all wave once more, and then we were off with Peter tailing us.

_**Jasper POV**_

Three years passed faster than I ever thought possible. Maybe it was the fact that we started in the Spring Semester, or maybe it was the space from Rose and Emmett… more than likely it was the fact that we rarely had any down time.

From the moment we got settled in our loft, Sage and I had been in a near non-stop flurry of activity. From buying books, to reading ahead and making notes of lesson plans, leading the practical labs of our professors, working long hours at our internships, writing research papers, researching our dissertations, Sage was still editing papers for cash, I'd begun tutoring for money… everything. Constant.

That's not to say we didn't have time for _us_. We just had to get creative.

It took us the whole of our first semester in New York to figure out how to balance everything. We had to factor in commute no matter where we went, since, after one ride on the subway where a mugging occurred, Sage refused to go anywhere near the subway lines. Cabs. Always cabs.

The truck was parked in a private garage about a block from the apartment, but it made absolutely no sense to get stuck in traffic with it, and I'd be damned if I was paying three hundred dollars to be allowed to park on campus. We used it to drive out to Hempstead on the weekends. That was about it.

Other than riding on the weekends, we'd drifted through different activities like going to Broadway shows and the opera, taking cooking classes to expand our repertoire, and going to concerts in Central Park.

Things weren't always easy, but they were always worth it.

Sage got settled into a routine with Doctor Mason Andres for Therapy, though by the summer, she was down to seeing him once a month. No more O and E. No more sleepovers on the Ward. Olivia Dearborn had taken over for Charles, and though she was tougher, often sending Sage home angry enough to make better men than me cower, they'd fallen into a tentative understanding that she would never push Sage any harder than was necessary.

True to her word, Sage called Emmett once a week, usually on Thursdays, which were her early nights. They talked a lot, usually for at least an hour, and discussed things they were working through in Therapy.

We visited San Francisco each Christmas, and Sage always attended at least one session with Emmett because he attended one with her when they visited for Thanksgiving. In a way, I think it was maintenance for them, allowing them to vent frustrations in a healthy manner, in a safe environment.

Peter and Charlotte were also on our _To Visit_ list each Christmas, though they'd moved out of the ranch house and into the house at the vineyard. Pete's parents had decided to finally retire and moved back to Texas, leaving Peter and Char with both the vineyard and ranch to manage.

He said it wasn't too bad though, since the insurance payout after Alice's massacre in the barn had given him the means to hire a few more hands than they normally had. He'd built a dormitory on the far end of the property for the hands to stay in, and Charlotte usually cooked dinner for the guys on the weekends.

Allison was the most popular girl in pre-school, because she had ponies at home. She could jabber away and talk my ear off so much my head could spin, but I certainly didn't mind. Between her and Amelia, Sage and I were always kept busy making up for lost time and spoiling.

Rose finally accepted her engagement ring again, somewhere around week three of us being in New York, but instead of the big show Sage and I had assumed she'd want for her wedding, they simply went to the courthouse and got _hitched_. Her word, not mine.

Navigating the snow and slush and traffic of New York didn't seem to put a damper on Sage's moods. Ever. For as much as my girl hated snow, she dragged me outside during the first snowfall to just sit on some random bench in Central Park and enjoy it.

Now, we were one week away from graduating—this time with the rest of our class—and Emmett, Rose, Amelia, Peter, Char, and Ally were all set to fly out to watch, not to mention Charlie, Bella, and Edward.

We didn't have the space for them to stay with us, so they'd all found a hotel in Tribeca, less than two miles from us. They weren't due to arrive for another few days and I was rapidly running out of time.

Sage had gotten home later than usual, apologizing profusely because of the jam-up on Broadway, but I'd simply smiled and served up the Chicken Tikka Masala I'd been cooking.

I'd been trying to decide for _months_ how to say what I needed to say, but every time an idea struck, I immediately dismissed it as lame.

I'd paid a visit to Tiffany and Co. back in February, thinking maybe I'd propose on Valentine's Day.

_Bullshit._

Lame. Very cliché.

Then I thought maybe I'd ask while we were riding one weekend.

That one was dismissed quickly, because the chances of dropping the ring and losing it increased exponentially with the fact that we'd be in the middle of grassy terrain.

By April, I thought I could just take her on a walk through Central Park. It was her favorite place in the city… but then we were sitting on a bench enjoying coffee and the quiet, when we saw another couple, the man dropping to one knee and the woman gasping and crying.

I wasn't exactly up for _copying_ someone else's idea.

As soon as Sage fell asleep that night, I kissed her shoulder and slipped out of bed, grabbing a pair of boxers and putting them on before padding out to the living room and pulling the Tiffany blue velvet case from its hiding spot in my top desk drawer.

Glancing around the room, I couldn't help but smile. Sage had gotten back into taking pictures non-stop, and our walls were nearly covered with framed photographs of our siblings and niece, Peter, Char, Ally, and even several of just us. She'd purchased a professional-grade camera and a tripod last summer and wasn't as against climbing into the picture with me as she used to be.

One of my favorites was in a frame on my desk. We were sitting on the wood railing of a fence out in Hempstead, Diablo and Rebel were in the background, and we were sharing a sweet, but not entirely chaste kiss.

Sage had a similar one on her desk, taken on top of the Empire State Building by a nice old lady who was willing to take it.

I sighed and turned toward the bookshelf, extracting one of the many photo albums we'd filled over the years, and flipping to the very back. I knew exactly where it was every time.

It wasn't glossy like most of the other pictures, and it was smaller, the paper older and yellowed on the back, but it was my favorite.

It was the picture our moms had taken all those years ago when Sage and I had first "met"… three year-old me holding two month-old Sage. I was holding her as though my life depended on it, staring intently into her eyes as she stared back.

Somewhere during that little photo shoot was when I'd made the declaration that I intended to marry Sage.

_Now I just have to figure out how to _ask_ her._

I opened the lid on the box and sat down on the couch, alternating between staring at the photograph and at the ring I'd painstakingly chosen.

The band was platinum with diamonds inset the whole way around, dainty, but striking, with a two and a half carat cushion-cut diamond set in the middle. It was the perfect ring for her, I knew the moment I laid eyes on it.

"Jazz?"

I closed the box and tried futilely to hide it behind my back as I turned to find Sage standing at the mouth of the hallway, her hair a rumpled, crimped mess from the French braid she'd had it tied in all day. She was wearing nothing but one of my old T-shirts.

"What are you doing up?" she murmured, shuffling over to stand before me.

I shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. I was just thinking. Did I wake you?"

She shook her head. "No… I just woke up and you weren't there. You know that always scares me a little."

Surprisingly, I did know that it wasn't anything to do with me possibly _leaving_. After everything we'd been through, she knew I wouldn't intentionally _leave_… but she sometimes had flashbacks to that night the barn was on fire.

"Yeah, I do, I'm sorry." I murmured, motioning for her to sit with me. She smiled and climbed onto my lap, straddling my thighs so that she could kiss me softly.

"What were you thinking about?"

_Fuck._

"Just stuff." I hedged.

"That why you're looking at that picture again?"

_Double fuck._

I glanced down at the open album and kissed her lips again. "Wanna hear a story?" Sage quirked an eyebrow at me, but nodded. "Your dad told me about that day." I nodded to the picture and pulled her closer. "He said I warned him that day that I was going to marry you." Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline at that.

_I guess this is better than sitting and waiting for the perfect opportunity…_

"I knew before he even told me, that it was what I wanted… and I asked for his permission. I wanted to do it right, even though I knew it'd be years before we were ready. It didn't feel right, not asking." I took a deep breath and clutched the box tightly, still keeping it behind my back. "But now it's time I ask you." I pulled it out and opened the lid, watching her eyes widen, listening to her breath hitch. "Sage Anne McCarty, will you marry me?"

A tear slipped down her cheek and I quickly wiped it away with my thumb, nervous that she would say _no_, but then her face broke into a smile and she nodded. "I'd be an idiot to say no." she whispered hoarsely.

Before I knew what was happening, her mouth was on mine, warm and sweet and searching, and I broke the kiss with a laugh and slipped the ring on her finger.

_**End Note: So, what'd everyone think? Only the Epilogue left now. I'm going to miss this story so fucking much. Leave some love, please. It doesn't take much, and I really do appreciate reviews. There will be NO teasers for the Epilogue. You'll just have to wait to see what happens to Jazz and our favorite (well, mine at least) OC.**_

_**A link to Sage's ring is up on my profile if you want to check it out **_


	58. Epilogue

_**A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Sage and its characters. The only characters I own are the ones that obviously don't belong to her (Sage, and Michael…though he hasn't been around for many chapters).**_

_**This story is rated M for adult situations, language, themes, and lemons. 18+ only.**_

_**A link to Sage's ring is on my profile.**_

_**Thank yous at the end this time.**_

Epilogue

_**Sage POV**_

We didn't waste much time. As soon as Jasper proposed, I knew exactly where I wanted to get married: Galveston. On the beach.

True, San Francisco was where it all started, but Galveston was where our first real memories of each other were. I wanted to go back there, to see it one more time, because I knew we'd probably never go back.

Jasper had agreed wholeheartedly, and we'd started making plans almost immediately.

We didn't tell anyone at first, simply let them figure it out on their own when they noticed the ring while we were standing in the middle of La Guardia airport.

Rose, Charlotte, and Bella had descended upon me immediately, ogling and cheering and chattering nearly nonstop as we left baggage claim and headed toward the line of cabs at the curb.

Emmett had congratulated me, hugged me, and told me he was proud of me.

I think that was the single best moment he and I ever shared, probably because we were both crying when it happened. I hadn't seen Emmett cry since Mom died.

We got married on July 13—a Wednesday—because we didn't want a big crowd on the beach with us, and it was such a small ceremony that we could swing it.

We spent three weeks honeymooning in Fiji, enjoying the _cool season_ (which was still an average of seventy-two degrees), hopping from the capital, Suva, to Kadavu and Labassa. We learned to SCUBA dive, went snorkeling most days, and saw a few sharks among the reefs. I thought that was awesome, but Jasper was a little freaked out.

When we got back to the states, Peter was waiting for us at the airport to take us home. Unfortunately, it wasn't to Emmett and Rose's house on the Bay, where we'd planned on staying until we could find a place of our own.

Instead, he drove us up to Napa and pulled in to the ranch. My Beetle and Jasper's truck were already parked in front of the house.

"What are we doing here, Pete?" Jasper asked as I leaned over the middle console to look at him.

Peter cleared his throat and reached into the glove compartment, extracting a thick envelope and handing it to Jasper.

"We… uh… we're tired. Char and I… it's a lot, to run both properties and Charlotte likes the vineyard. And… we want ya'll close."

Jasper frowned and opened the envelope, pulling out a stack of papers. He scanned them quickly, frowning, before looking up at Peter in surprise. "The deed to the ranch?" Peter nodded. "Seriously?" he nodded again.

"Say huh?" I asked, looking back and forth between them.

"Peter and Charlotte… have signed over the ranch to us."

"Belated wedding gift." Pete grunted.

I felt my eyes go wide. "Seriously?"

"Yes, woman! Seriously! _Seriously_!"

I hugged Peter from behind and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, Pete."

He hugged me back, smiling. "You're welcome. Figure now you guys can have a real relationship with your horses… can ride whenever you want…" he nodded toward the dormitory. "The guys have agreed to stay on, and all the borders are aware of the change of hands. We went ahead and set up an account, we just need to go to the bank and get your names on it and take mine and Char's off."

Jasper nodded, flipping through the papers. "All we have to do is sign… and book a moving truck."

"No truck."

We quirked our eyebrows at him and exchanged looks of confusion.

"Your stuff… we sorta… invaded your storage unit and… it's already here."

I snorted a laugh and shook my head. "Hell, where do I sign? I'm definitely game now that I don't have to help load shit onto a truck again!"

We got settled fairly quickly, throwing ourselves into painting the different rooms and setting up an office and guestroom, and getting to know the ranch hands.

Things were going well until August, just before Jasper was set to start his job teaching American History at one of the local high schools. I'd taken a job with a webzine, which would allow me to work from home so that I could be around to supervise the ranch and take care of issues, so I'd decided to get up early and fix a big breakfast for Jasper's first day of work.

The phone rang just as I was putting the dishes in the dishwasher and I grabbed for it.

"Hello?"

"_Hello, may I please speak to Misses Whitlock?"_

I grinned at that. I still wasn't quite used to being called that, but I loved hearing it.

"This is she."

"_Misses Whitlock, this in Jeanie from Doctor Matthias' office."_

_Odd._

My doctors had never called before when I'd had my scans done. They usually just sent a letter stating a clean bill of health and that they'd see me next year.

I shook myself out of my shock and said, "Yes. Hi."

"_Misses Whitlock, Doctor Matthias wanted me to call and discuss the results of your scans."_ I decided then and there that I didn't like the nasally sound of her voice. _"It appears that you have a mass on your right ovary, and he would like you to come in and have a consultation with him and one of our Oncologists."_

_Brain dead._

_Dead brain._

_What's she saying?_

_Is she expecting a response?_

"Uh…" I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. "O-okay."

"_Are you available to come in at eleven this morning?"_

"Sure. I'll be there." My voice was so small now, Jasper immediately tensed, staring at me with questioning eyes. I hung up and leaned against the counter, bracing my elbows on the ledge. I took a deep breath as he continued to stare at me, and then I closed my eyes. "That was Doctor Matthias' office. They want me to come in."

Jasper was silent so long, I opened my eyes just to make sure he was still there. Finally, he opened his mouth, closed it again, thought, and finally said, "Why?"

"They found a mass… on my right ovary." His eyes slid shut and he took a deep breath as I continued, "They want me to go in at eleven."

He nodded and motioned for me to hand him the phone. "I'll call and let the school know to find a Sub."

"It's your first day, Jazz! You can't miss—"

"_They_ will be fine. They will deal." He cut across me. "Now hand me the phone."

The principle was understanding, and told Jasper to take care of his and to let him know when to expect him to work. Once he got off the phone, he immediately picked it up again and called Peter to ask if he could come manage the ranch for the day.

As soon as Peter arrived, Jasper and I left.

The consultation was simple and direct. They wanted to do a biopsy—a Frozen Section Biopsy—meaning they'd open me up and perform the tests right there, so that they'd know if they needed to go ahead and take my ovaries.

What really sucked was that I had to wait a week for the biopsy, but they walked me right down to the Oncology wing of the hospital to show me around and explain what would happen in the event the _mass_ (because it was still just a _mass_, not a _tumor_) was cancer.

They explained that if the biopsy was positive, the Oncology Surgeon would cut into my right arm and install a Chemotherapy Port by threading a catheter through my veins to my heart and installing a subcutaneous implant into the skin of my arm, so that they could simply stick a needle into the port, instead of having to stick me each time I came for Chemo. They told me it was ideal, because it meant less needle pricks, and less pain down the road.

Unfortunately, they also explained what kind of side effects I should expect, in the event I required Chemo: nausea, fatigue, hair loss, diarrhea (oh fucking joy!), and cataracts were just a _few_.

The worst part, by far, was that I didn't even have an actual diagnosis yet, but everyone knew why I was there. Not just the staff, but the other patients in the wing, and they were all giving me those pitying looks.

You know the looks… the ones that say _'Oh, so sad… she's so young…'_

_Kiss my possibly cancer-ridden ass._

I didn't want pity, and I sure as hell didn't need it. I was bound and fucking determined that I would fight. Hard. And I kept telling myself that unlike my mom, if it was cancer, it was caught early. When they finally found my mom's, it was already Stage Three. My scans last year had been clear, and even though Ovarian Cancer is aggressive, there was a chance I wasn't nearly as far gone.

Jasper and I had asked for a few minutes alone while we waited for the Oncologist, because with all the research we'd _both_ done over the years, we knew I was likely to get a gonadotoxic cocktail, and it would be idiotic to save my ovaries and still be sterile.

When the Oncologist, Doctor Choudhry, came back, I said the only thing I could think of: "I don't want to be infertile."

He nodded sagely and assured me that if I needed Chemo, I would receive vinblastine—a therapy with a very low rate of gonadotoxicty. They would also, in the event the biopsy did _not_ go well, harvest some of my eggs for preservation.

They gave us pamphlets to look over, for everything from what to expect from Chemo and Surgical Recovery, to At-Home Care, Hospice Care, and the different chemicals used in Chemotherapy.

"They sure do prepare you for the worst from the start." I mumbled as I flipped through the Hospice Care booklet. Jasper simply wrapped his arm around me and kissed my hair.

When we got home that evening, I called Emmett to tell him what was going on. I told him not to worry, that we'd keep him and Rose updated, and he'd seemed OK with that. I was _wrong_.

Three hours later, they were on the doorstep, bags in hand, Amelia holding onto a Ziggy horse we'd found for her third birthday. They all looked like they'd seen a ghost—pale, drawn, worry lines.

_And now I actually feel like I oughta be sick…_

They did their best not to treat me that way though. I could tell they were all worried and I knew when Rose asked Jasper to show her the horses and the barn, it wasn't as much for Emmett and I to have a moment as it was that she knew Jasper probably needed to vent without the risk of upsetting me as well. He'd been so very quiet for most of the day, and I knew he was worried he'd scare me more than I already was.

Once they were out the door, I set Amelia up with a Veggie Tales movie and sat back down on the couch with Emmett. He was staring straight at the TV, but his eyes were far away. As I watched him, his eyes filled and a tear spilled down his cheek.

"Are you scared?" he whispered hoarsely.

"To death." I sighed. He shot me a contemptuous look and I shrugged. "Of course I'm scared, Em. What else is there to say? I've been married for all of five weeks, and I find out I might make Jasper a widower at the ripe old age of twenty-eight."

Emmett gave a harsh laugh and shook his head, but continued speaking lowly so as not to draw Amelia's attention. "It figures you'd be more worried about him than about yourself."

"Emmett, don't start." I warned.

"I'm not slipping into old habits, Sage. It's the truth. You need to focus on you first, because if it turns out it's cancer, you've got a long, hard road ahead and Jasper will be there for you. You know he will, and I know he will… but you're always so concerned about him, and it's OK to be a little selfish sometimes."

"Well, we don't know if I have cancer yet, so let me focus on him until they say otherwise." I whispered. Instead of responding, Emmett wrapped his arm around my shoulders and hugged me. I smiled and hugged him back, resting my head on his shoulder.

"You're the strongest person I know, Sage Anne. If anyone could beat it, you could."

"Thanks… but let's just hope it doesn't come to that."

"Agreed." He sighed. "I love you, Baby Sister."

"Love you too, Big Brother."

Jasper didn't go into work, even when I told him to, even when Peter, Char, Emmett, and Rose all offered to stay with me. He wasn't having any of it. _He_ wanted to be with me, and I had a feeling he wouldn't have been able to concentrate if he _had_ gone to work.

I felt bad though. He'd been so excited to start teaching. He'd worked on his lesson plans for weeks, running ideas for how to make History more interesting by me constantly… and now it was all going to waste.

Emmett, Rose, and Amelia stayed at the house on the day of my surgery, agreeing that it would be better to come up when I was out of surgery.

I was scared—that much was a given. I mean… _anyone_ would be, right? I kept thinking that my mom was only seven years older than me when she was diagnosed… how she was eleven years older than me when she _died_. I think I was fairly safe in my cowardice. No one would blame me.

_But Jasper…_

Jasper was a wreck. He'd barely slept the whole week since our meeting with the Oncologist. He'd barely let me out of his sight, except when I needed to use the bathroom and required privacy. He'd barely eaten, though I wasn't sure if he'd lost his appetite due to the stress, or if he just felt bad that _I_ had lost _my_ appetite, and he felt he shouldn't eat.

Either way, he was in a right state by the time they started the IV in my left hand and had me sign the pre-surgery paperwork.

"Jas," I whispered and his eyes settled on mine. "If something happens—"

"Don't you dare. Don't do this now." He growled.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Jasper, I'm about to have surgery. I'm aware of the risks, and of the likelihood that something will go wrong… but that _doesn't_ mean that I don't want to be prepared. People have adverse reactions to anesthesia, they nick arteries…" He nodded slightly and I took a deep breath. "If something happens, if something goes wrong and I don't wake up, I don't want to be kept alive by artificial means. I don't want to be a turnip, and I don't want to have to live in the vegetable patch."

He gave me a weak smile at that, but I think it was mostly because in my doped up, exhausted state, I thought myself funny.

After a moment of unbearable silence, he whispered, "OK."

The Anesthesiologist came in and injected something into my IV and I grinned and waved, sighing as Jasper gave me a quick peck on the lips. "I'll see you when you wake up."

"Mmm…kay…" I muttered, already half out of it.

I barely noticed the fluorescent lights on the ceiling passing by, I barely noticed being wheeled into the OR, and I'm pretty sure I was out before they even gave me the gas. I was gone.

My eyes fluttered open and I blinked, blinded by the annoyingly bright light in the recovery room. There was a weight on my lap and I glanced down, smiling at the déjà vu of seeing Jasper's head resting in my lap, his hands clasping mine.

"Jasper?" I murmured.

He shot up, his eyes finding mine, and he smiled, leaning forward to kiss my forehead, but careful not to put any weight on my abdomen.

"No evidence of disease." He whispered.

"Huh?"

_OK… I'm maybe a little groggy if I can't understand the King's English._

He grinned, indulging my slight stupidity. "No evidence of disease. It was a benign tumor." I breathed a sigh of relief and he continued, "They were able to remove it without causing any damage to the ovary."

"So… Chemo?"

"No Chemo. They want you to rest for the day, and we'll know more in the morning."

"When can I go home?"

"Probably the day after tomorrow, but we'll know more once the doctors check you out tomorrow." He pulled my hands to his lips and kissed my knuckles. "I love you."

I smiled, resting back against the pillows. "I love you too."

It was four weeks before I was allowed to do more than lift a cereal box. It was another two weeks before I was allowed to have sex… I often wondered who was more frustrated, Jasper or me.

By the time I came due for my next Depo shot, Jasper and I had come to a mutual decision: I was done with the shot.

We weren't _trying_ to get pregnant, but we decided we weren't doing anything to prevent it either.

"_Life is short."_

That's what we agreed.

By our second anniversary, we still weren't pregnant, but we also weren't concerned.

Until I got light-headed and threw up.

Jasper was at work, so I ran out and bought a test, which turned up positive. I called my OB and scheduled an appointment for that afternoon, silently thankful they were able to fit me in.

Because of all of my medical history, because of the biopsy, they rushed the blood work through, and I got the confirmation call just before Jasper walked in the door at five.

We were both excited, and when he was done twirling me around like a lunatic, we called everyone to tell them.

It was a hard pregnancy. I was sick through most of my third trimester. By month seven, I was having trouble getting around with any semblance of ease, and after a scary fall down the stairs that ended up with both of us being OK, Jasper temporarily relocated us to the guest room for sleeping. I was no longer allowed to go up or down the stairs without someone with me.

_That got old… really fast._

Jasper thought I was nuts because I was _positive_ we were having a girl, even before the fetal survey, but I could only grin and say _"Told you so"_ as the ultrasound tech confirmed what I already knew.

He had to paint the office light cream and Charlotte stenciled and painted pink and white cherry blossoms and branches along the walls to go with the bedding set and the dark cherry furniture I'd picked.

By the time my forty week appointment arrived—on my due date—I was showing no signs of going into labor or even moving in that direction. I was sore, I couldn't walk without assistance, and I cried from the pain.

Jasper had been driving me to my appointments since week twenty, because I was simply too big to fit behind the wheel.

He demanded they do _something_, because I couldn't take care of my own basic necessities. I couldn't go to the bathroom without help walking. I couldn't make myself a snack. If the house caught fire while Jasper was at work, I was shit out of luck.

Doctor Wilson nodded and checked me, frowning.

_She_ was head-down, all systems a go, but with no progression toward labor, and she hadn't dropped. He was suddenly concerned, because based on my measurements, he wasn't positive I could deliver naturally, and he offered to do a C-Section two days later.

I agreed in a heartbeat, though Jasper was worried, considering it was surgery, and significantly more major than the biopsy had been, but in the end, he agreed that it was for the best.

Two days later, we got me admitted into the hospital, got through pre-op, and I promptly doubled over in what I can only describe as the _worst_ pain imaginable multiplied by about a million. It felt like every fucking thing between my shoulders and my legs was on fire!

As I gasped and tried to breathe through the contraction, barely able to understand what the nurse was telling me, I looked right at Jasper and grunted, "You are _so _never touching me again."

We laughed about that later, seeing how as soon as I got the epidural, I was _great_.

At ten thirty-one AM on March first, our beautiful daughter, Shiloh Charleigh Whitlock, was born. She had a smattering of blond fuzz and dark blue eyes that obviously needed time to settle. She had my nose and my round eyes, but there was definitely Jasper in those chubby cheeks and the fact that she was over eight pounds.

I was completely in awe as Jasper held her up for me to see while they began stitching me up, and I smiled when she cried.

_Definitely worth the pain._

_**Jasper POV**_

"Daddy, why is the sky blue?"

I grinned and shook my head, glancing down at my Mini-Sage. For a five year-old, Shi was the smartest kid I knew, and since I'd know her mother as a kid, that was saying something.

"Because it reflects the water."

"Then why is the water blue?"

_Wow. Déjà vu._

"Because it reflects the sky." I chuckled.

Shi pursed her lips and screwed up her face. "Daddy, you don't make any sense."

"I hear that a lot." I replied, turning Rebel off the trail and back toward the barn. Shi imitated the maneuver with her light brown Sandalwood Pony, Bug.

"Will Mommy be able to ride with us soon?"

"Why? Don't you like riding with me?"

"I do… but Mommy was going to teach me how to jump and you won't teach me."

I rolled my eyes at that. According to Shi, I was refusing to teach her. The fact of the matter was that Sage was used to giving instructions and teaching. I wasn't willing to risk screwing up when it was Shiloh in the saddle.

"Maybe we'll get Uncle Peter to teach you."

"Why can't Mommy teach me?"

I sighed, exhausted by this conversation. "Because she can't, Shi. You know she can't. Mommy can't get out of bed."

Between caring for my bed-ridden wife and caring for my five year-old Einstein, I was _not_ faring well. Granted, we knew this was coming. We knew it would get to this point. It didn't make it any easier.

When we reached the barn, I helped Shi dismount and we proceeded to wash and sweat-scrape Rebel and Bug before brushing them out and putting them up for the night. One of the ranch hands would come through in an hour to refill food and water troughs for all the horses.

Diablo was standing at the door to his stall, his head over the ledge, waiting expectantly for me, as he did every night. I grabbed a carrot from the tack room and Shi grabbed an apple from the barrel outside and brought it to me.

"Hey, D." I sighed. "No Sage today." I opened my palm to give him the carrot and he chomped on it gratefully, giving a snort of approval. "I'll run you proper tomorrow. I know you hate it when Peter rides you. You and I, we'll take one of the longer trails while Shi's in school. What'dya think?" He grunted and shifted, arching his neck in an attempt to grab the apple from me, so I held it up on my flat palm for him to take. "It'll be over soon." I promised him.

Shi and I walked up the trail to the house in relative silence. She was so like Sage in the way she could be a flurry of action and questions one moment, only to turn around and be completely silent the next. Sometimes it was downright scary.

I grabbed a piece of straw out of her braid and tossed it aside before scooping her up and running the rest of the way to the house, eliciting a squeal of surprise from her.

"Daddy!" she chastised me when I plopped her down at the kitchen table.

"What's for dinner tonight, Baby Girl?"

She made a big show of thinking about it, screwing up her face and tapping the index finger of her right hand to her chin. "Hmmm… Chicken nuggets and French fries!"

"I'll see your French fries, but I raise you to broccoli." I challenged. Shi was on a chicken nuggets and French fries kick, and would usually request it every night. I didn't always give in, and I always made sure she had a vegetable, but I couldn't deny the convenience some days.

I was still teaching at the high school, and Char was kind enough to come stay with Sage during the day while Shi was at school, but things were stressful all around, and I was doing my best.

"OK." She grumbled. Last week, she _loved_ broccoli. Apparently this week, it was on her shit list. "Maybe Uncle Peter can make barbeque tomorrow night?"

I grinned at that, knowing Peter would love _any_ reason to smoke a few racks of baby backs. "I'll give him a call and we'll see." I replied, sliding the baking sheet with nuggets and fries into the oven and then turning to grab a bag of frozen broccoli from the freezer.

"Set the timer, Daddy." She reminded me with a roll of her sea foam eyes.

"I always forget that." I didn't really. She just liked reminding me, so I feigned forgetfulness. I set the timer on the stove and popped the steamer bag of veg into the microwave and set the timer, but didn't start it just yet. "Shi, why don't you go get your homework. We'll work on that while we wait."

"OK!" she took off down the hall and came back carrying her vinyl turquoise backpack with a purple drum on it. Our kid had a thing for the Fresh Beat Band… it was the _only_ thing that quieted her down as a toddler, even though it was a show for older kids, and she still loved them. Sage had bought it for her the previous Christmas because it represented Shi's favorite character… some redhead by the name of Marina.

Now here it was, nearly summer, and it was in pristine condition. I was surprised, considering it belonged to a kid who took it _everywhere_.

Shi pulled out a worksheet with several pictures on it and began writing out the words they represented. She paused halfway through and furrowed her brow. "Daddy, does _house_ have a _U_ or a _W_?"

"You tell me."

_This_ was Sage's game, and Shi hated it. Sage maintained that you learned more by trying to find the answer yourself and being corrected, rather than simply having the answer handed to you.

She huffed and shot me a glare. "I _think_ it has a _U_."

"Correct." I kissed the top of her head and lightly tugged on her braid before turning to start the broccoli.

"Daddy, can we do my hair in piggy tails tomorrow?"

_Aw shit._

I'd _just_ finally managed to learn how to braid her hair without it looking all jacked up and wonky… now she wanted me to double the effort? I'd have to talk to Char.

"We can try." I hedged, knowing that if it ended up looking bad, Sage would send Char after my bad-braiding ass.

The timers went off at exactly the same time and I pulled out the baking sheet and divided up the fries and nuggets between two plates before adding broccoli.

"Ketchup?"

"Uncle Peter's sauce."

I rolled my eyes. Peter had begun making his own barbeque sauce and Shi would try to put it on _anything_… even ice cream. That one didn't go over so hot.

"What do you say?" I intoned.

"Please."

I nodded and grabbed the sauce from the refrigerator, sitting it in the middle of the table and placing her plate in front of her.

"Thank you." I grinned at her smug expression.

I added a bit of sauce (because I'm no idiot… anymore… the kid is _not_ allowed to have control of the bottle or I'd be scrubbing down the kitchen), and then placed my plate on the table and filled her a glass of milk. I handed it to Shi and then grabbed a beer from the fridge for myself.

"Is that all your homework, or do you have Math too?"

"Auntie Charlotte helped me with my Math when we got home."

I grinned. As long as Math was out of the way, Char felt she had free reign to spoil her Goddaughter silly… which she often did… within limits, after I made her come over and babysit one day when she'd given Shi too much candy.

"Did you do OK with it?"

"Yesh. It wash jufft patternsh and countig."

"Don't talk with your mouth full."

She swallowed and repeated, "Yes. It was just patterns and counting."

I nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

_And she's as big of a smart ass as her mother…_

"Did you thank Auntie Charlotte for her help?"

"Yes, she did." I grinned and looked over my shoulder to find Charlotte in all her four months pregnant glory leaning in the doorway.

After Allison had come Jeffrey, and now they were expecting Damon. Peter was thrilled to finally outnumber the girls at home.

"Thanks for helping out again today." I sighed, standing to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I really do appreciate it."

"I know, Sug. And you know I'd do it, even if you didn't need me to. She's my best friend, of course I want to help take care of her."

"How is she?"

"Tired. She's resting now. She's been in too much pain to be gettin' much sleep."

I nodded, suddenly even more exhausted just thinking about Sage's exhaustion. "Don't I know it." I gave her a weak smile and continued, "You should get home to Pete and the kids. They may be tearing the place apart."

She smirked at that and rolled her eyes. "I hope so. I need an excuse to gut that house."

"Shi would like to do barbeque tomorrow night."

"Pete would like that. The kids have been itching to come over and ride for a while, but they've always got stuff that needs doing at home. I'm sure we can make it work." She hugged me again and moved to kiss the top of Shi's head. "Don't give your daddy too much trouble, Shi-Girl. I'll see you tomorrow." Shi simply nodded around a mouthful of chicken and waved, and Char turned back to me. "I'll tell Peter to give you a call later."

"Thanks." I kissed her cheek again and waved her off before sitting back down and inhaling my meal.

When we were done, Shi helped me load the dishwasher and then I sent her off to the living room to watch cartoons. I wasn't even all the way down the hall when I heard the familiar theme song of Yo Gabba Gabba, and I cringed. I hated that show, but Shi loved it.

Sage said the main character looked like a skinny, fuzzy orange condom. I kind of agreed.

I made my way down the hall and walked into the guest bedroom, turning on the table lamp on the dresser and smiling as I watched Sage's chest rise and fall slowly. She was paler than usual, but then again, being stuck in a bed nearly twenty-four-seven for eight weeks will do that to you. Charlotte had obviously helped her shower at some point because her hair was still slightly damp, and braided in a tight fishbone plait over her shoulder.

"Hi."

My head jerked up to find her watching me, a weak smile on her face. "Hi." I replied, returning her smile. "How're you feeling?"

She gave a half-hearted shrug and sighed. "Tired of being in bed."

"Well, yeah." I chuckled.

"You gonna stand there, or are you gonna come lay with me for a while?"

I grinned and climbed into bed, kissing her softly before placing my hand on her swollen belly.

"Three more days." I sighed.

"Thank God." She groaned. "I feel like a beached whale."

I laughed at that and kissed her brow. "You don't look like one."

"Yeah, right. Most days, I could be Godzilla and you'd be thrilled, so long as you're getting sex."

"I'm not getting sex right now." I murmured, rubbing the spot where I knew one baby's rump was. "How are they today?"

"Active. I'm getting the crap kicked out of my diaphragm." And as if on cue, someone gave my hand a sharp kick. "Where's Shi?"

"Watching Yo Gabba Gabba in the living room."

"Mmm… did you go riding?"

"Yeah… she wants to learn to jump. I told her I'd talk to Pete."

Sage nodded, closing her eyes for a brief moment. "That's probably a good idea. I don't think I'll be jumping anytime soon."

I grinned at that comment, remembering six years ago when I came home on our anniversary and asked if she wanted to go jump a few hurdles and give the horses a workout before we went out to dinner. She'd sat on my lap, straddled my thighs the way she had the night I proposed, and put my hand on her belly, telling me that she couldn't go riding for a while.

I hadn't understood at first, worried that she had another tumor, or that maybe she simply wasn't feeling well, until she'd pressed my other palm into her stomach and gave me the best news I'd ever heard.

This time around, she'd simply told me we'd have to get rid of the guest room and possibly build a guest house. I caught on a lot faster that time… and I'd promptly found a contractor and architect to build a small guest house a few acres from the main house.

"I can't wait until you paint this room." She sighed, turning her head to kiss my cheek. "I feel like I haven't gotten to nest properly."

I grinned and nuzzled her cheek. Sage was _convinced_ the twins were both boys, but neither would cooperate during the fetal survey, so there was no confirmation. With her having been confined to bed rest in what was to be their nursery for the past eight weeks, I wasn't able to paint and prep like normal. Currently, all the supplies were in the shed, including two cribs, and the rest of the furniture.

We'd simply bought another of the same crib that we'd used for Shi, and planned on reusing it and all the furniture, but obviously, the same _theme_ wouldn't work. Sage had decided on a cowboy theme for the twins, including pony pictures and Ziggy replicas. When I pointed out that at least one of the babies could actually be a girl, she refused to hear any of it.

"It'll happen." I murmured. "When we bring you three home, we'll get you situated and Pete, Emmett, and I will get to work while Char and Rose help you out and let you rest." I kissed her again.

"Can't wait." She sighed. "You gonna read? They always settle when you read to them."

"Of course." I grabbed the copy of Doctor Seuss' _The Sneetches and Other Stories_ off the nightstand. Baby B—the baby currently taking up residence high on the right side—was partial to Doctor Seuss… a fact that had Sage convinced the kid was going to be a full-on genius. I always read to him (or her?) first, because the stories were much shorter.

Baby A—the baby currently upside-down and prone to punching Sage's kidneys—preferred that I read historical documentation written by Shelby Foote. Sage was convinced that meant he (or she?) would be as brilliant in History as I was.

I read through the Seuss tale once, smiling as Sage relaxed slightly as Baby B began to settle. About halfway through, Shiloh had decided to join us, climbing into bed on Sage's other side and resting her head on Sage's shoulder.

Next, I read a few pages about the Battle of Shiloh, because that was Shi's favorite. She knew she was named for her ancestor. She smiled at me and began to doze off slightly, but her eyes popped open as soon as I stopped speaking.

"It's bedtime, Baby Girl."

"Five more minutes." She mumbled.

"Just five."

Shi sighed happily as Sage kissed her hair and rubbed her back, but she suddenly sprang up and asked, "What if I don't wanna be a big sister?" her eyes had gone wide and she looked like she might panic.

_Ah. Here we go._

We'd been waiting for this conversation.

"Well…" I drawled. "It's kinda a bit late for that now, Shi."

She glared at me. "But you won't love me as much."

"Of course we will." Sage murmured, hugging her gently. "We'll love you even more." Shi shot her an incredulous look and I smiled, wondering how Sage was going to explain the math on that one. "Not only will you be our Baby Girl, but you'll _also_ be a big sister. That's a whole new kind of love."

Shi seemed slightly mollified, but looked to me for confirmation. "She's right. Mommy's always right." I nodded.

Three days later, Char showed up to take Shiloh to school while I packed up the back of the VW Touraeg we'd replaced Sage's Beetle with. After a week of hauling an infant car seat in and out of the Beetle, Sage had thrown in the towel and demanded a bigger vehicle. I had a feeling I'd have to buy a minivan next, but Sage was vehemently opposed to vans.

"You'll call us when you get settled?" Char asked as she strapped Shi into the back of her Toyota Highlander.

"Of course." I replied, closing up the back.

She shot me a grin and said, "You know, if she's right, you'll never live it down."

I smirked and rolled my eyes. "I know. Believe me, I _know_."

She climbed into the driver's seat and drove off just as Emmett and Rosalie helped Sage waddle down the front porch steps.

"And you'll call when you're settled?" Emmett asked.

"Yes."

"And you'll take lots of pictures?"

"_Yes._"

"And you'll get lots of rest? Remember, the nurses are there to help."

"Emmett, I _know_." Sage groaned. "I _have_ done this before."

"Em, don't stress her out." Rosalie chastised as he made to add another thing to the ever-growing To-Do list.

He quickly closed his mouth and shot her a look before turning to me. "Jasper, make sure she takes the Percocet. She was miserable last time after the surgery."

"Don't worry, Emmett." I assured him. "She'll take 'em, even if I have to spike her drink." I grinned.

Sage's and Emmett's relationship had grown into that of very close siblings (and dare I say, friends?) over the past several years. He still worried constantly, but now he worried about different things.

They got her to the passenger side and I opened the door so Emmett and I could boost Sage into the seat. She hugged Emmett and then Rose, patting Rose's eight month belly and scowling at her high heels.

"There are days where I hate you, Rose. You make me feel like a weakling."

Rose laughed and hugged her. "If I wear flats, it throws my balance off." She rubbed Sage's belly and said, "We can't wait to meet you two!" before leaning in and whispering just loud enough for me to hear, "Make Jasper do all the diaper changes. He's earned it after giving you _two_ buns to bake."

"Hey now!" I cried, offended. "It's not _my_ fault she either popped two eggs or one egg split into two. It's all her fault."

Sage smirked, a rare sign of humor in the past few months, and replied, "I should've stuck to that _you're never touching me again_ thing."

Emmett rolled his eyes and hugged her again. "Be safe. Call us when you can. I love you."

"Love you guys too." She replied before I closed the door.

"We'll see you in a few days." They nodded. "Or… I dunno… a day or two… I don't know. It depends on if she's up for visitors."

"We know. Don't push her if she's not up for it." Rose responded. "We'll take Shi Shifts with Peter and Char, and whoever is on shift when you're ready for Shi to come up will bring her… even if it is just her going in." she hugged me fiercely and whispered, "I am _so_ proud of you, Baby Brother. I love you."

"I love you too." I kissed her cheek and clapped Emmett on the back before climbing into the car and pulling out down the drive.

Three hours later, I was humbled yet again by the wonder of what Sage and I were able to make together.

_Two boys…_

She'd been right. Again. She really was always right.

_Maybe I should just stop trying to be right._

I smiled, watching Baby A (now named Johnathan Peter, after my dad and his Godfather, and to be nicknamed JP) and Baby B (now Nathaniel Emmett, after my middle name and his uncle, nicknamed Nate) lay side by side on Sage's chest, all three of them fast asleep after their first feeding.

JP seemed to be aptly named, as his blond hair was slightly darker than Nate's. I was wondering whose eyes they would have, but surmised they'd probably be green no matter what, unless Emmett's blue eyes came through somehow. They definitely weren't identical, which left me relieved, as I'd been worried about possibly mixing them up.

In my life, I'd only seen Sage be as beautiful as she was now one other time… the day she gave me Shi. I was in awe of her all over again, but then, I was always in awe. That would never change.

_**End Notes: Tell me what ya'll thought! This is the END. It's OVER. I will be posting a few more outtakes though, which can be found on my Author Profile under Control: The Outtakes.**_

_**The Thanks:**_

_**RemyKilday: If it wasn't for you, Sage and Jasper never would have made it past chapter 10. Your praise, patience, and ego strokes helped to see this story through to completion, and I hope you know how much that means to me. I love you, bb!**_

_**AbbyMickey24: I know it took me FOREVER to convince you to read it, and I hope you don't regret it. The fact that you've become such a supporter of my writing means so much to me, hun. You are the best!**_

_**Caggie: I'm pretty sure there's a review from you for every chapter lol. Every time I woke up in the morning and saw you'd reviewed, it started my day off with a smile. Your support has meant so much. Thank you!**_

_**Heavyinfinity: I never expected an author I fangirl over to be interested in this story, and I think the first time you reviewed, I almost fainted (I was screaming). Thanks for your support and for the recommendation you posted in one of your chaps.**_

_**SneakySnarkySubs (Siobhan2006 and LadyBlueKnight): Thank you so much for that very first recommendation! You guys have both been so awesome to me and I'm humbled to call you friends.**_

_**Secretly Addicted, VSPS, and Angelindeskyes: Ya'll have been with me pretty much from the beginning, sticking by me, reviewing pretty much every chapter, and I can't tell you how priceless your support has been. Thank you all.**_

_**The Wordy Bitches: Thanks for the rec (JaspersBella)! I was so flattered to make the cut for a blog I fangirl over.**_

_**HammerHips: You're last, but certainly not least, because I figured most people would zone out by now… but not you. That's kind of the point isn't it? The point of a Schwoogie-Muffin? When you and I started this little mind trip together, I was a nervous wreck since I've fangirled over you for so long. I was flattered and floored that you saw potential in this story, and your unwavering support has been the biggest factor in getting this story completed. I can't tell you how much this means to me, and I actually feel that you deserve more credit than just a plain old Schwoogie-Muffin for it. Thank you hun, for everything.**_


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